Synopsis: The morning after Jake is kidnapped, his captor apologizes for what happened and attempts to explain to him why he was chosen and what exactly is going on.
Author's note: While this is a continuation of the A World Without Me story, reading it isn't too required. It'll make more sense if you read it but as the story's moved into its next phase it's not essential. This chapter answers a lot of the things that were large unanswered questions in A World Without Me.
Thankyou for reading! As this is the start of a new story I'd really appreciate people letting me know what they think and how it's going. Thanks ^_^
Jake's appearance: As mentioned by DonnaT, I did not put Jake's appearance in here, as I kind of forgot about it. I assumed people would know from reading the other parts, even though I just above said that they weren't necessary >.< Gah!
So, here is what he looks like, in his own words from the first chapter.
' I wasn’t exactly small for my age but I was…petite. Instead of the large chests and broad shoulders that most boys my age were developing I was instead more feminine, with slim shoulders and a slight chest that was complimented by a small waist and wider than normal hips.
My body by itself wasn’t enough to make people think I was a girl though, as more often than not I hid its shape under oversized or baggy clothes. It was my face that was the main problem, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. My complexion was smooth and pale, my blue eyes large and expressive, my nose and chin small and delicate, and my lips soft and full. Not to mention my almost shoulder-length thick black hair that Aunt Linda refused to let me get cut. My appearance was often likened to that of a Gothic porcelain doll, and, as much as I hated admitting it, it wasn’t an incorrect comparison. I didn’t look particularly gloomy or threatening, but my dark hair, milky skin and large, expressive eyes definitely made me look like some kind of doll. A somewhat confused, slightly upset little doll. '
A loud knocking on the bedroom door startled me awake and for a moment I stared stupidly at the unfamiliar room I was in. It was so dark that I could barely see, but I could tell it was far larger than my own bedroom. Instead of the comfortable snugness there was just a vast emptiness that was cold and unwelcoming. The bed was incredibly comfortable though, with its silken sheets and soft, fluffy pillows. I’d never slept in a bed like this before and it felt amazing against my skin, so soft and smooth and warm. I won-
Mum’s old bed! Oh god! I’d forgotten! This was mum’s old room!
I rubbed my forehead as a sharp pain appeared, and I slowly remembered everything that had happened before I’d fallen asleep. Lilah tricking me, meeting Rachel, Linda telling me that…that…
Your mum…she doesn’t want to see you.
A lump appeared in my throat and I angrily wiped my eyes as tears started to form. She had to be lying about that! And about getting the email I’d sent to mum! There was no way I could trust her after what she’d done to my body! She was a mons…monster…wasn’t she?
A confusing pang of guilt washed through me as I recalled how upset she’d been when I’d told her that I hated her. And the last thing I remembered before collapsing was her smiling sadly down at me while she cried, wrapping me up in a loving embrace. She’d acted so differently than she normally did! Why? Was it just an act to try and trick me or was this who she really was?
‘It doesn’t matter.’ I muttered and looked around for Julia, needing to feel her comforting warmth. ‘She still lied to me about the tablets and isn’t going to let me go home so…so f-fu-screw her! She’s a jerk!’
Julia was squashed underneath a pillow and I quickly snuggled her against my chest, but just as I did there was a loud knock at the door and I gasped, remembering that I’d been woken up by a similar knock. My whole body tensed up and I stared fearfully at the door as it swung open, and bright light spilled into the room. I winced and rubbed my eyes as they blurred for a moment, and when they were clear I saw Rachel enter the room close the door behind her.
A mix of anger and fear ran through me and I hugged Julia tighter, unsure of what was going to happen. Rachel had seemed nice last night but I still had no idea why I was here, and she’d had me kidnapped. I didn’t know what she was capable of, and as I’d learned lately, it was easy for someone to pretend they were nice when they weren’t.
I watched in silence as she flicked on the light switch and slowly came over to the bed. I guessed that it was a new day, as she was wearing different clothes and had changed her hair. A fitted grey silk top with white bands around the cuffs, collar and bottom hugged her chest, while a short black skirt and knee-length black high heeled boots covered her legs. She looked like Linda did when she dressed for an important meeting at work, although Rachel’s blonde hair was straightened and pushed behind her ears, showing off a pair of gold raven-shaped studs.
‘Good morning.’ she said softly as she reached the end of the bed, the same warm smile from yesterday on her red lips. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Awful.’ I said honestly and she sighed sadly.
‘Yes…we didn’t have the greatest of introductions, did we?’ She tapped the wooden backing of the bed with her long red fingernails and looked down at me thoughtfully. ‘I’d hoped Linda would be able to calm you down and explain what was going on, but I didn’t realise just how bad things had gotten between the two of you. I should have listened to her and let more time pass but I grew…impatient.’ Her lips thinned and she looked down at her hands. ‘So I’m sorry. I’ve made this all harder than it should have been and for that, I apologize. How about we start over?’
‘I don’t want to start over! I want to go home!’ I snapped but she ignored me, going over to the desk and pulling out the large office chair in front of it.
‘Now.’ she said as she dropped the chair in front of the bed and sat down on it, her warm smile replaced by a more serious expression. Her fragrant perfume washed over me, a pleasant mix of apple and some kind of sweet flower, and my nose twitched slightly. ‘Let’s go over a few things first before I explain why you’re here, okay?’ When I didn’t answer she leant forward and her hand shot out to grab my chin, making me yelp in shock. I tried to pull away but her grip just increased and I stared at her in terror as she spoke. ‘You will answer when I ask a question, Lain. Okay?’
‘O-okay!’ I stammered and to my relief she released my chin. I crawled to the edge of the bed and squashed myself up against the wall, my heart beating painfully in my chest. Oh god…
‘Good girl.’ she said with a quick smile, brushing her hair behind her ears and leaning back. ‘Now. As you know, my name’s Rachel but you will refer to me as Ms Trask for now. And as you just learnt, if I ask you a question then I expect you to answer it. The same goes for if I tell you to do something. You will do as I tell you without complaint. Do you understand?’
‘Yes.’ I said quickly, but she frowned.
‘Yes who?’
‘O-oh! Ms Trask!’
She smiled warmly and crossed her legs in front of her. ‘Good girl! You’re a fast learner. That’ll make things much easier. Now…I assume you already know this, but you’ll be living as a girl from now on. Your name is Lain, not Jake, and I don’t want you to fight me over that anymore. And I don’t want you to ask if you can go home again either, because this is your home now. I know this is going to be very difficult for you, so over the next four weeks I’m going to do my best to make sure that your transition is as painless as possible. I’ve assigned one of my maids to help you out too, and she’s going to be looking after you today when I leave. You’ll have the help of the other girls who live here as well, including my wife. I was hoping we’d have more time but…well, we don’t.’ She tapped her lips as a small frown appeared on her brow. ‘You’ll be attending Jovi’s Girls Grammar when its second semester starts, and that’s in just over four weeks so we need to rush things a bit, unfortunately.’
‘Why?’ I asked warily, scared that she’d get angry if I asked a question. When she didn’t tell me off I continued to speak. ‘Why do I need to be a girl? Why am I even here? I don’t understand anything!’
She looked at me thoughtfully for a moment before leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. ‘This is going to be a bit complicated, so I’ll try and simplify it for you as much as I can. Tell me, Lain…what’s your opinion on the current state of the world?’
I stared at her in confusion. ‘What?’
‘Do you think the world’s doing fine? That things are steadily getting better for people, or worse? And not just here, but overseas as well.’ She fixed me with a steady gaze before continuing. ‘Has humanity’s influence been good for the planet as a whole, and for ourselves? Are we on a path towards greatness or are we inevitably heading towards the death of society as we know it? And if the latter, do you think that would be for the best?’
‘I…uh…’ That was the absolute last thing I’d expected her to ask and as such my brain flailed about frantically, latching onto the only topic I had any amount of confidence in. ‘W-well, I know that lots of species are becoming extinct and that’s really bad! Especially in the ocean. Whales are dying! And polar bears too! And there are way too many puppies and kittens being bred that don’t get loving homes and they end up being abandoned on the streets or…or put to sleep and it’s awful! And some people even return cats when they grow up because they don’t think they’re cute anymore! It’s horrible! Especially around Christmas! People just buy…pets…’ I trailed off as I realized Rachel was staring at in amusement, her eyes shining and a wide smile on her face. ‘W-what? It’s not funny! It’s really serious!’
‘I know sweetheart, but I was asking about people, not animals.’ She said gently and I felt my face burn. ‘I do appreciate your concern for animals though! But at the moment I’m more interested in your opinion on humans. How are we doing as a whole? Are things good for us, or bad? What about religion? Is it a positive or negative influence on us? And capitalism? Socialism? LGBT issues? The apparent rise in conservative values across the world? And what about climate change?’
‘Huh?’ I was barely able to follow anything she’d just said, and understood less than half of the words she’d used. I rubbed the side of my head and just stared blankly at her until she sighed slightly and scratched her chin.
‘I’m…guessing you don’t pay much attention to the world around you, huh?’ she finally asked with a small smile.
I shook my head, feeling like an idiot. What did any of this have to do with why I was here?
‘Well, that’s fine. You’ll learn more than enough at the Grammar, and my wife and I will fill you in on the things you don’t learn there.’ Rachel said brightly. ‘It’s probably good that you don’t have any pre-conceived notions about the world, honestly. It’ll make it easier to show you the right way of thinking.’
‘Why does any of that matter?’ I asked as patiently as I could, although I was incredibly frustrated. I hated feeling like an idiot.
‘It matters because the world is not, in fact, in a good place. It’s in a very bad place, and if it continues on its current course then a lot of good people are going to suffer.’ Rachel said darkly, her serious expression returning. ‘I don’t have enough time now to go into any more detail than that, but suffice it to say, the world needs to change, and we’re going to be the ones to do it.’
‘We who?’ I asked slowly, wondering if she was crazy. Did she expect me to somehow fix the world?
Rachel uncrossed her legs and leant down again so that we were close to eye level. ‘Your mother, Linda and I are part of a group of like-minded men and women spread over the world, all sharing the same goal. To “fix” the world. To purify it. We will raise up those who deserve to be standing in the light and remove those who do not. We’re hoping to accomplish this with as little bloodshed as possible, but there are some people for whom death is absolutely required.’ Her eyes grew distant and a lopsided grin appeared on her face. ‘And no…I’m not going to pretend that we’re good people. Most of us are in this for selfish reasons like money or fame or power. Our end goal is ultimately good, but how we’re going to get there isn’t. I’d like to say that I’m in this for the right reasons but that’s…debatable. This world is made of shades of grey and I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere deep down in the black right about now.’
I stared at her incredulously, having no idea what to say to that. Or anything of the insane things she’d just said.
‘Anyway.’ Her eyes focused back on me and she smiled warmly. ‘We’ve developed a few ways of achieving our goal, and the least violent one’s been selected. Australia’s been chosen as the testing grounds for it and over the past three years we’ve been preparing to put it into motion. It won’t come to fruition for at least another six years, but that’s not a problem. As the world gets increasingly worse and worse, the easier it’ll be for us to take over.’
‘I still don’t understand what this has to do with me.’ I said quietly.
‘We’ll be in the shadows, but you’ll be in the light. You are going to be our…influencer.’ Her eyes shone with excitement and she reached over to grab my hands, letting Julia fall to my lap. I swallowed nervously but didn’t fight back as she pulled me closer so our faces were inches apart. ‘Some of us believe that it only takes one person to change the world, so long as that person is seen as something more than human. You can see examples of that with artists, singers who capture an entire generation with their music and actors who bring a character to life so effectively that they’re forever etched into the reality outside of their movies. Beyond art, you can see this in people like MLK and Churchill, the influence their words had on people. They became a source of inspiration for hundreds of thousands of people. They became heroes, idols and gods. They became more than human, but…’ Her eyes became huge as she smiled strangely and squeezed my hands painfully. ‘But none of them ever moved far enough. They were all bound by the weakness of their flesh and the misplaced goodness and morality that they held so dear, if they even held it at all. But you, Lain…you’re going to become something they couldn’t even dream of. We’re going to turn you into a goddess! You’re going to capture the hearts and minds of millions of people with our message, young and old, male or female. It doesn’t matter who, so long as they’re open to the message. And as for the ones that aren’t, the ones who have too much power…then you’ll get them too, but in a different kind of way.’
The absurdity of what she’d just said made me want to burst out laughing. I kind of got what she was saying, like I’d kind of understood what Lilah had said about my mum being her idol, but…she wanted me to be that kind of person?
That was the stupidest thing I’d ever heard in my life. Had she confused me with someone else? Had Linda lied about what kind of person I was? What the hell was going on here?
‘Well, that’s the plan, anyway.’ Rachel said and let go of my hands with a bright smile. ‘What do you think?’
‘Why me?’ I managed to ask, slightly dazed from everything she’d just said.
‘Well, we weren’t actually going to use you at first.’ She brushed her hair behind her ears from where it’d gotten loose. ‘We had another girl prepared but she wasn’t quite…right…so we went looking for a replacement. Lilah saw you at school and told us how much you looked like Elaine, and when we realised you were her son we contacted Linda and she agreed to explain to you all of what I just explained now, and then when you were ready you’d be handed over to me.’ She smiled crookedly. ‘Things didn’t quite turn out like that though, did they?’
‘So Linda made me look like a girl because of this?’ I asked quickly, but she shook her head.
‘She was already giving you hormones before we found out about it.’
‘Oh.’ I rubbed my head, where a sharp pain was starting to grow. God, I was hungry. ‘So…so then you’re only choosing me because I’m mum’s child?
‘Yes and no.’ Rachel got up and stretched luxuriously, her shoulders and back cracking slightly. ‘As Linda told you last night, years ago we’d originally planned for you sister to take up this role but since she…passed…we had to look elsewhere for a replacement, and that set us back quite a bit. We’d planned on using a cis girl for the job but ended up deciding that in the current climate it’d be more purposeful if we were to use a lesbian or transwoman. Someone that stands out and can reach out to some of the more disenfranchised communities out there. And when we found out about you then we thought you’d be perfect. Elaine’s child, and a transsexual at that.’
I gritted my teeth, a familiar frustration resurfacing. ‘I’m not trans! You know that!’
‘Do I?’ she smiled slightly. ‘Do you?’
‘Yes!’ I purposely ignored the painful thoughts I’d had the other night. ‘I know what I am.’
‘Do you want to be a boy then?’
I blinked at the questions and for a moment almost said no as the images of large-shouldered bearded men flashed through my mind. But that wasn’t how all men looked! There were some that looked much more feminine but were still men! ‘Y-yes! I do w-want to…be a boy…’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Why?’
‘Because I am one!’
‘Really. You don’t look like one to me.’ She said with a coy smile and anger erupted inside of me.
‘That’s not my fault!’ I snarled and jumped to my feet on the bed. ‘Linda did this to me! Not me! I didn’t do anything!’
‘Yes, but y-’ Rachel began but stopped as there was a loud knock on the door, surprising both of us. ‘Who is it?’
The secretary from the other night came in and curtseyed slightly, then looked at Rachel. ‘It’s seven forty, Miss. You need to be going now.’
‘Oh. Already?’ Rachel asked and the secretary nodded grimly. ‘Shit. That went fast.’
‘You’re going?’ I asked, not sure what was going to happen to me if she left.
‘Yes. I have to get to work.’ She saw the question in my eyes and answered before I even asked. ‘I’m a teacher at Jovi’s Girls Grammar. English and Drama.’
‘You’re a teacher?’ I gasped, finding that even more surprising than everything else she’d told me. This crazy kidnapping lady was a teacher?
‘Yes, I am.’ Rachel smirked at my visible surprise and then turned to the secretary. ‘Are you okay to look after her for the rest of the day?’
‘Of course.’ the secretary nodded confidentially. ‘I’m going to get her cleaned up and dressed properly, then we’re going to have some breakfast and tour the mansion.’
‘Perfect.’ Rachel nodded and looked at me. ‘Lain, this is Eve. You saw her last night but I don’t think you two ever officially met, did you? She’s going to be your personal maid for the remainder of your stay here. I expect you to do everything she tells you to.’
I blinked. ‘A maid?’
‘Yes. Now get down from there.’ Rachel said and gestured for me to get off the bed, which after a moment’s hesitation I did. Then to my surprise she leant down and kissed me on the head, submerging me in her body’s warmth and the scent of her perfume. Despite my fear and hate of her I felt my face grow red and I couldn’t deny that she was very attractive, especially in the clothes she was wearing. She was so tall too. Why was everyone so tall? Or, rather, why was I so small?
‘I’ll see you tonight.’ she said and put her hands on either side of my face. ‘Be a good girl now, okay? I don’t want to come home and have to discipline you.’
I repressed a shudder. ‘Okay.’
She nodded and kissed me on the head one more time before going to the door. ‘Make sure to wash and brush her hair properly too, will you Eve? It’s a mess.’
‘I plan to.’ Eve said and Rachel nodded.
‘Good.’ She looked around at us and then waved slightly. ‘I’ll see you both tonight.’
‘Wait!’ I cried and she stopped in the doorway.
‘Yes?’
‘Why are you calling me Lain?’ I asked, having wondered about that as soon as Linda had first called me it. I’d never heard the name before.
Rachel looked at me silently before answering in a quiet voice. ‘Lain…was a friend of ours.’
‘She was? Did you have a fight or something?’
‘No. She’s dead.’ She looked at me, a strange expression on her face. ‘Your father killed her.’
‘O-oh…’ I swallowed uncomfortably. ‘I’m sor-’
‘See you tonight.’ She said and left the room, closing the door shut behind her rather forcefully.
I looked at the door and sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling sick. What the hell was going on?
End
‘For you?’ The salesman looked back at me with a smirk. ‘That’s kinda cool. Most of the little girls I’ve seen come in here just ask for My Little Pony stuff or Pokémon cards, crap like that. It’s nice to see a girl with different tastes. Makes me think y’all aren’t little clones of each other or something, you know?’
‘Huh? I like Pokémon…’ I said slowly, not really sure what he’d just meant. Why was he talking about little girls? I thou-
Oh!
BrokenFox
Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.
He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.
Eden's Reality is still being worked on, but I've been re-focusing on certain elements of the story and it's going slower than I'd like.
Chapter One: Jake
I looked dreamily up at the rows upon rows of small animal figures neatly organised on the black shelf, each one the size of my fist. They were made out of some kind of heavy plastic and were amazingly detailed, from the perfectly painted stripes on the zebras right down to the pebbly scales of the komodo dragons. They were a part of the ‘Pristine’ collection of animal figurines and I’d been collecting them ever since mum had given me one as a present for my fifth birthday, an adorable little platypus figurine. I’d fallen in love with it immediately and had miraculously managed to not break it over the last seven years. It was sitting proudly in the middle of the shelf above my bed, waiting to greet mum if she ever came back home.
She’d…been gone for a while now…
I adjusted my oversized glasses and stood up on my toes so I could look at the back rows of figurines, hoping to see something amazing. The store I was in, Imaginative Dice, didn’t usually have many figures, being a relatively small business that focused more on board games than collectables. I came in here every couple of weeks after school to see if any new figurines were in stock and to my delight today I’d found all of these, sitting along the back shelf between a bunch of trading card boxes.
A few of them were ones I’d never seen before and if I could have bought them all I would have, but I didn’t have nearly enough money for that. They were thirty dollars each and I’d only saved fifty dollars since last month, so I needed to be picky. I didn’t want some lumpy gorilla or creepy cuttlefish. I wanted something really cool, like a great white shark! If I could find one of those then I’d very happy. I’d been hoping to find one for a while now, to put next to my sperm whale, but it was fairly rare. It’d only been released in the awesome ‘Pristine: Dangerous Ocean 2’ expansion and that’d almost been tw-
‘Can I help you with anything?’ a male voice asked from behind me and I almost screamed, having completely forgotten my surroundings.
I spun around to find a tall sales assistant I’d never seen before looking down at me with a loose smile. He was dressed in the store’s black uniform and had short blonde hair that had been slightly styled at the front to stand up. His face was sun-darkened and handsome, with the beginnings of a thick moustache appearing around the corners of his thin lips. He looked like he was in his mid-thirties and a small tag on his shirt said ‘Temp’. I guess that meant he was only working here temporarily? Maybe he was filling in for the usual employee who worked her, a friendly overweight guy with a really infectious smile.
‘Uh-umm…’ I stammered and looked down at the ground, clutching the bottom of my yellow school shirt in my hands. I’d never seen this man working in here before and I wasn’t very good at talking to strangers. Or anyone, really, but strangers especially.
I was tempted to just shake my head and rush off like I normally did in situations like this, but…there could actually be a great white shark figurine back there! And I was too small to be able to see or reach back there, so...so I had to ask this man for help. I needed to be brave!
I forced myself to look up at him and tried to calm myself down. ‘C-could…uh…is there…’
‘Yes?’ he asked impatiently, his eyes flicking past me to look at an elderly couple inspecting a set of tabletop miniatures. ‘Is there a what?’
‘Does you have a shark?’ I winced at how stupid I sounded and spoke again. ‘I mean, do you have a great white s-shark? I need one!’
He looked back at me with raised eyebrows, and then turned to the shelf. ‘You want a shark, huh?’
‘Yes please. I-If you have one.’
‘You sure you don’t want something else?’ he took down a panda figurine and showed it off to me. ‘This one’s our most popular, especially amongst girls. We used to have some flamingos that were popular as well but they sold out in the first week. ’
‘No, I want a shark.’ I shook my head to emphasize my point. I didn’t care about pandas or flamingos! Yuck.
‘Is it a present for your brother or something?’ he asked as he turned back to the shelf and I tilted my head in confusion.
‘No, it’s for me.’ I muttered, scratching at my chest. It’d been painfully itchy for a few months now and lately it’d begun to swell up. Aunt Linda had told me not to worry about it though so I was trying not to, but it was hard when it was so itchy.
‘For you?’ The salesman looked back at me with a smirk. ‘That’s kinda cool. Most of the little girls I’ve seen come in here just ask for My Little Pony stuff or Pokémon cards, crap like that. It’s nice to see a girl with different tastes. Makes me think y’all aren’t little clones of each other or something, you know?’
‘Huh? I like Pokémon…’ I said slowly, not really sure what he’d just meant. Why was he talking about little girls? I thou-
Oh!
Oh. Right.
My heart sunk. He thought I was a girl. Of course he did! This is exactly why I hated talking to strangers so much! They always thought I was a girl and treated me like one without even thinking about it.
I scowled and looked down at myself, still clutching onto the bottom of my shirt. I wasn’t exactly small for my age but I was…petite. Instead of the large chests and broad shoulders that most boys my age were developing I was instead more feminine, with slim shoulders and a slight chest that was complimented by a small waist and wider than normal hips.
My body by itself wasn’t enough to make people think I was a girl though, as more often than not I hid its shape under oversized or baggy clothes. It was my face that was the main problem, and there wasn’t much I could do about it. My complexion was smooth and pale, my blue eyes large and expressive, my nose and chin small and delicate, and my lips soft and full. Not to mention my almost shoulder-length thick black hair that Aunt Linda refused to let me get cut. My appearance was often likened to that of a gothic porcelain doll, and, as much as I hated admitting it, it wasn’t an incorrect comparison. I didn’t look particularly gloomy or threatening, but my dark hair, milky skin and large, expressive eyes definitely made me look like some kind of doll. A somewhat confused, slightly upset little doll with oversized silver-rimmed glasses.
Most people from my school could tell I was a boy because of my uniform, which consisted of a loose yellow shirt and grey slacks, so I didn’t usually have too many moments like this there. Outside of school though, or when I was wearing the sports uniform, I was always mistaken for a girl no matter what I did, or what I wore. I’d always hoped that someone would realise I was a boy though, just once, and treat me like one without me having to correct them.
It’d…never happened.
I watched as the salesman looked through the shelf and scratched at my chest, wondering if I should correct him. Was there any real point to it? I’d probably never see him again and he seemed like he just wanted to deal with me and move on. He’d probably be annoyed if I told him I was a boy and get angry or something. And besides, I was already uncomfortable enough. Even if I wanted to tell him I was a boy I doubted I’d be able to get the words out. Ugh…
My shoulders slumped and I rubbed my cheeks unhappily, the excitement about maybe getting a great white shark figurine starting to fade. This man had popped my little bubble of happiness and now depressing reality was flowing in, making me feel like crap. All I wanted to do now was go home and crawl under my bedsheets, maybe watch some fighting anime or put on some heavy music…anything to distract me from how I looked.
I considered just walking off while the salesman looked for the figurine but I wasn’t comfortable with being that rude so I just waited patiently while he searched. I looked around to see what the elderly couple were doing but they’d left the aisle. It wasn’t deserted though, as a girl from my school had entered and was focused on a large set of old MTG cards. I recognized her from my class although to my annoyance I didn’t quite remember her name. She was tall and had flowing blonde hair that was held in place by a black headband, and I could see two gold studs on her ears. Her face was mature and pretty, with high cheekbones and delicate features similar to my own, but she was wearing make-up that had darkened her lips and eyes.
I stared at her for probably longer than I should have because she turned and noticed me, her eyes widening in recognition. A smile began to light up her face but I spun around and stared down at the floor, my face burning. Argh! Stupid! Stupid. I’d probably made her really uncomfortable and then accidentally offended her by looking away when she smiled. God damn it! I was the worst.
‘Ah! There we are.’ The salesman said, jerking me out of my stupor. He turned from the shelf and showed me the figurine he’d picked out, which…wasn’t a great white.
It was a grey nurse shark, one of the most common shark figurines in the entire collection. How had he gotten that mixed up with a great white? They weren’t even in th-ugh. Whatever. I wasn’t interested in the stupid shark figurine anymore.
‘That’s not a great white, but it’s okay.’ I said and began turning away. ‘I don’t need one anymore.’
I heard the man mutter something under his breath but I deliberately ignored it, knowing he wasn’t going to be pleased after I’d just wasted his time. Well, he shouldn’t have confused me for a girl then!
Or…no. That wasn’t fair. Everyone confused me for a girl, I shouldn’t get angry at him for doing it. I was just so tired of it happening all the time. When I started puberty I assumed that things would change, but until then I just had to tough it out and be patient with people.
I sighed miserably as I left the store and looked around the street. It was just past four so there were quite a few students about, although most of them were gathered around the mall on the other side of the busy street. The mall was massive, a five story tall white monstrosity that dwarfed every other building around it, and it was so full of stores that I hadn’t even seen them all yet despite having explored it quite a few times.
It was flanked on both sides by busy cafes and smaller businesses. The town library was close by as well, although it looked rather small and sad compared to the mall. There were people everywhere, not just students but parents and young adults, all milling about the various cafes or going into the numerous bakeries to get a snack to eat on the way home.
Actually…I should get something to eat well. I hadn’t had anything all day and a vanilla slice would make me feel heaps better. And so would a bottle of coke! Yeah! It’d be okay so long as I didn’t tell Aunt Linda about it. She hated it when I ate unhealthily.
I smiled to myself and stepped into the stream of people flowing up the street, heading towards my favourite bakery. It was near one of the large supermarkets and close by to the street that I lived in so I’d gone there a few times before, enough to feel okay about going in and picking something out.
I positioned myself behind a large man and followed after him through the street, using his size to part the crowd of people for me. I usually…
Usually…
Us…uall…y…
I slowed down and the swayed slightly to the side as a wave of dizziness washed through me. A strange, clawing feeling appeared in my stomach and I almost dropped to my knees, suddenly exhausted and lightheaded. I could feel my heart pounding painfully in my chest and my breathing was coming in ragged and harsh. Oww…
There was an empty bench near me and I quickly staggered over to it, then dropped down and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my forehead against my legs and began to take slow, deep breaths as the world seemed to pulsate in front of me, going in and out of focus. I closed my eyes and tried my best to clear my head so I could focus on my breathing, and after a minute or so the dizziness faded away and my head began to feel like it normally did. I was still exhausted but I knew my energy would come back soon enough.
I wasn’t sure what had just happened but it wasn’t a new feeling, but not quite an old one either. For the past year or so it’d been happening and I couldn’t figure out why. It seemed to happen randomly, be it while I was getting ready for bed or now, when I was just walking about. It didn’t seem like it was serious though as it always passed really quickly, and it was kind of embarrassing so I’d never told anyone about it. Aunt Linda would probably just say that it was nothing to worry about and I didn’t really have any friends to talk to about it anyway. Plus, I’d been forbidden from seeing the school nurse so that wasn’t even an option. Aunt Linda liked to keep control of my health firmly in her own hands.
Once my energy returned I put my legs back down and got to my feet, eager to get some food inside of me. Maybe that was why I’d been so d-
‘Jake?’
I looked around to see the girl from Imaginative Dice standing next to the bench and looking at me with a satisfied smile. Oh crap! Was she angry at me for ignoring her smile before? She didn’t look angry though…
I stared silently at her for a moment before remembering that she’d said my name.
‘Y-yes! Hi…hi!’ I had been going to say her name but still hadn’t been able to remember it.
‘Yo!’ Her smile widened she smoothed down the sides her grey woollen skirt. ‘I need to talk to you. Let’s go somewhere more private, yeah? How do you feel about pizza?’
He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.
Chapter 2: Let's dance! Maybe?
‘Y-you what?’ I blinked, not sure I’d heard her right.
‘Pizza! Do you like it?’ she asked and stared intently at me with her opal eyes.
I blushed and quickly took in all her details, wondering if we actually had talked at some point in the past and I just hadn’t remembered. She was over a head taller than me and very slim, but not unhealthily so. Her school uniform looked great, clean and neat, and it perfectly accentuated her body. She’d folded the grey pleated skirt up at the top so it was shorter, well above her knees, and it seemed to highlight just how long her black-stockinged were. She was wearing our school’s black blazer and it looked to be fitted, as it was tight around her shoulders and chest, but flowed out a bit at the sides to show off her hips. Beyond that, she had a small silver chain with an engraved bird around her neck and a plain silver ring on her right hand, as well as the studs I’d noticed before.
She was…beautiful…
I’d definitely never talked to her before.
‘Jake?’ she asked and I jumped slightly, having forgotten that I was supposed to actually be talking to her. Gah!
‘Oh! Y-yeah, I like pizza.’ I rubbed my burning cheeks, hoping I didn’t look as embarrassed as I felt.
She put her hands on her hips and smiled down at me. ‘Well then, would you like to have some pizza with me and talk about some things?’
‘W-well, yes, but I was go-’
‘Perfect!’ She grinned and twirled around to face the buildings lining the street, her hair swinging around and almost smacking me in the face. ‘There’s a place just around the corner from here that I really like! Come on.’
‘Uh! W-wait!’ I stammered as she began to walk off, and to my relief she stopped and turned back to look at me, her head tilted curiously.
‘Hmm?’
‘What do you want to talk about?’
‘Oh, you know. Stuff.’ she said lightly, stepping out of the way of a tired-looking woman pushing a pram with a gurgling baby inside. ‘This isn’t really the best place to talk though so…’
‘What kind of stuff?’ I asked warily but she shook her head.
‘Nothing serious, don’t worry. I just…need your help with something.’ she smiled crookedly and smoothed the sides of her skirt.
I blinked, not sure I’d heard her correctly. ‘You need m-my help? Wit-’
‘I’ll explain later!’ She turned around and started walking off again. ‘Come one, I’m starving.’
‘I….can we just…’ I began but she kept walking so I trailed off, and after a moment’s hesitation decided to follow her, my curiosity getting the better of me.
What could she possibly want my help with? A school project? No, we didn’t have any due at the moment and even if we did she was much better off asking someone else. My grades weren’t bad but they weren’t good either, middling around a B-minus most of the time. And I couldn’t imagine she’d need my help with something physical because I was close to the weakest person in our class, something that was painfully highlighted during every sports period.
The only thing I was really good at was knowing a lot about animals, but I couldn’t imagine how that’d be helpful to her. And I’d be surprised that she even knew that about me considering how little contact I had with the rest of my classmates.
I slowed down and tried to remember as much about her as I could, hoping I could get a clue as to what she wanted. She usually sat at the front of class by herself and didn’t talk much unless she was directly asked a question. I think she was kind of like me, someone who kept to themselves and didn’t really have any friends. I’d never seen her sit with any of the other students, and at lunch I think she just hung out in the library. I’d seen her in there a few times, going through the magazine rack and photocopying stuff. I’d never looked closely enough to see what she what magazines she read though, and w-oh!
Lilah! That was her name! She was always the last to be called when our home room teacher took attendance, because her surname was…Yates. Lilah Yates! I actually remembered it! Hah!
It didn’t help me figure out what she wanted, but it made me feel a lot better. I’d felt pretty bad about not knowing her name when she knew mine, especially when we’d been in the same class for two years. I really needed to start paying more attention to what went on around me…
I realised I’d been trailing too far behind her and quickened my pace, worried that I might lose her in the crowd. Thankfully she’d stopped at the end of the street for me, and after ducking between two older students from our school I finally reached her. She smiled and then turned around to point up the next street.
‘That’s it! Hearth’s Pizzeria. Pretty cool, huh?’
I followed her finger and saw that the pizzeria was a large two-storey establishment made out of shiny black metal, and it had a large glass sliding door at the front that a family was currently exiting. The logo “Hearth Family Pizzeria” was proudly displayed above the door in large red lettering with silver lining, and a sizable parking lot was set out the front. A neat row of bushes grew around the area and hugged the sides of the building, and a small wine garden was visible just down the right side.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten in a restaurant and anxiety began to gnaw at me, so I stuck close to Lilah as she crossed the road and passed through the parking lot. As we got closer the delicious scent of cheese mixed with baked dough and tomatoes wafted out to greet us, and my stomach let out a desperate growl. God, I was so hungry…
We waited outside the door as another family left, this one with two excited toddles running around and laughing at each other, and then we entered. A black reception area greeted us and a solitary young waiter was standing behind a small desk, dressed in a neat blue shirt and black pants. A large opening next to him showed the interior of the restaurant and it was amazing, full of thick, large wooden tables neatly arranged in tight rows across the black floor. Along the sides and back were smaller tables with walls separating them from each other, and the kitchen was on full display to the right. Nearly half of the tables were occupied and wait staff were rushing around taking orders and delivering delicious-looking meals.
The air was thick with the warm scent of pizza and I could smell lasagne too, making my stomach let out another desperate growl. When had been the last time I’d eaten? Yesterday? No, Aunt Linda had banned me from eating yesterday as a punishment for forgetting to take my medication the day before. That’d been Thursday, and on Wednesday I hadn’t eaten anything because I wasn’t feeling too well for some reason, which is why I’d forgotten to take my meds, and on Tuesday I’d been punished with no food because I’d refused to wear the new pyjamas Aunt Linda had bought for me.
…wow. I hadn’t realised it’d been so long. I was used to not eating for long periods of time, so much so that I barely even noticed it anymore. But here, basking in the multitude of different delicious scents, I noticed it. Intensely so.
‘Hello!’ the waiter at the reception area said as we approached and his pale eyes focused on Lilah. ‘How can I help you today?'
‘Can we get a table for two? In one of the booths at the back?’ she asked and he nodded.
‘Yes. Follow me please.’
He headed out into the dining area and we followed, Lilah smiling brightly at me as we did so. I smiled awkwardly back and scratched my chest, still feeling out of place and uncomfortable. My hunger was taking up most of my mental space though and I looked around at other people’s meals eagerly, wondering what I should get. I had fifty dollars to spend since I didn’t manage to get a new figurine, more than enough for me to be able to buy something delicious to eat. Maybe I’d get a large pizza. A Hawaiian one. No! A Meatlovers WITH pineapple! That was like an enhanced Hawaiian pizza! Yeah-wait! What about a lasagne? They looked super yummy, dripping with cheese an-ah! I should get extra cheese on my pizza! Could I get a pizza and a lasagne too? Could you get a lasagne with extra cheese? Maybe I could get spaghetti-
‘Here we are.’ The waiter said, dragging me out of my food fantasies. He’d stopped in front of one of the boots along the back wall, and there weren’t many other customers near here so it was much quieter.
Lilah slipped onto one of the red cushioned bench-seats and I sat opposite her. I looked down at the wooden table and saw that it had few cuts and scratches on it but was very clean besides that, so much so that it was almost shining. The booth’s walls were jet black like the back wall, and I felt quite secure and comfortable in here. I looked at Lilah and she smiled brightly again, then looked at the waiter as he was taking out his order pad.
‘Can we get two large cokes please?’ she asked and he nodded, scribbling it down. ‘And a large margherita as well? Is that all okay with you Jake?’
‘Um, well I wa-’
‘Thankyou!’ Lilah beamed to the waiter and he nodded, then headed towards the kitchen.
I stared glumly after him and then down at my lap. I…I guess a margherita was okay…I didn’t really need a Meatlovers with pineapple anyway…
‘So…’ Lilah said slowly and I looked up at her. ‘You totally snubbed me in Imaginative Dice before, you know.’
‘Ah!’ I turned bright red and looked down at my lap again. ‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to, I just…I’m not…not good at…people stuff.’
‘Talking to people? Yeah, I noticed.’ She leant forward with a grin, brushing her hair behind her ears. ‘So I won’t drag this out any more than I have to then. I need your help.’
‘With what?’ I asked when she didn’t elaborate, and she took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
‘Okay! So…I was going to enter this competition with a…friend…but we…she…well, we were having some problems so…’ She trailed off and for a moment anger flashed across her face, but then she sighed and looked back at me with a wry smile. ‘Sorry. I’m…annoyed. Ah… but, basically, I was going to enter a competition with my girlfriend but she dumped me so I need you to do it with me in her place. Okay?’
‘I…’ I stared at her dumbly, too many questions bubbling up in my mind. She was a lesbian? I guess that explained why she was always by herself at school. My classmates weren’t very…friendly…to LGBT people. I was bullied weekly because of my appearance and I wasn’t even gay. I couldn’t imagine how bad it must be for someone who actually was…
It didn’t seem like a good idea to ask her about that though, or why she’d been dumped. This was the first time we’d ever talked after all, so asking something that personal didn’t feel right.
‘Umm…what competition?’ I asked instead, scratching at my chest.
‘This one.’ She slowly pulled out a folded piece of paper from her skirt and carefully opened it, then slid it over to me. ‘I’ve seen you in the library heaps of times so you might have seen it before, but if not then…yeah.’
I looked down at the sheet and saw that it was indeed a poster advertising a competition, but I’d never seen it before. It was very professional, with a black backing, silver border and an artistic headline that immediately grabbed my attention.
It read:
"
Models, musicians, artists and dancers wanted!
Submissions are now open for the third annual TRASK Gay and Lesbian Drama and Art Festival!
Are you a gay or lesbian student (or trans? All LGBTIQ individuals welcome!) aged thirteen to eighteen? Do you have a talent for the visual or performing arts? Are you in a relationship with someone of the same sex? Can you sing or play an instrument?
Do you want to have the chance to win up to six thousand dollars?
If so then we want YOU! Due the overwhelming success of our first two events we’re taking things to the next level, and have hired the entirety of the Dermain town hall for three whole days to fit in the hundreds of people w-
"
‘I need you to enter the Dance and Modelling competitions with me.’ Lilah said before I could finish, her eyes shining with excitement. ‘You have to have a partner to take part in them and because I’m…single now…I thought you could do them with me.’
I looked at her for a moment and then pushed the poster over to her, trying not to get annoyed. I was so sick of people thinking that I was gay. ‘I-I’m sorry, but…I’m not g-’
‘I know! And it wouldn’t matter if you were, cos the partners have to be same-sex!’ Lilah beamed.
‘Ohh.’ I blinked. ‘Wait, what?’
‘Uhm!’ she grinned widely and scratched the back of her head. ‘I need you to be my partner. My…lesbian partner.’
I tilted my head, starting to get angry. ‘What.’
‘Aha.’ She laughed uncomfortably and looked down at the table. ‘Well, you see…I don’t get along with any of the girls in our year level, and outside of school I don’t really have any friends. The few that I do are pissed at me because…well, because of stuff that’s not important. So, you’re the only person wh-’
‘I’m a boy.’ I said flatly.
‘I know.’ She said quickly. ‘But, you look like a girl so…’
She trailed off as I glared at her. ‘I don’t like looking like a girl, and you’ve been in the same class as me long enough to know that! You’ve seen how upset I get when people like Jared and Warwick tease me!’
‘I know! I know!’ she said and held up her hands. ‘But I’m not trying to make fun of you! I just need your help! If there was anyone else to ask I would, but there’s not. Please do this with me!’
I crossed my arms, my breathing heavier than normal. Was she serious?! I wasn’t going to embarrass myself in front of hundreds of people! There was no way I could enter a competition as a girl, I’d be found out immediately! I might look like a girl but I didn’t know how to act like one, and besides…compared to Lilah I wasn’t all that attractive, especially with my glasses. I definitely wouldn’t win any modelling competitions, or dancing ones. I had no idea how to dance and even if I did I was about as elegant as a platypus on ice.
That was beside the point though! There was no way I was going to enter the competition, even if I could win. I’d be bullied for the rest of my school life and mum would…
She’d…I don’t know. She used to model a bit, but when she’d moved to America she said she was going to focus more on waitressing and model on the side. I had no idea what she was doing now though, as we hadn’t really talked in years. She’d emailed me last year wishing me a happy birthday, a few weeks after my birthday, and that had been the last I’d heard from her. I’d sent her a few emails but she never replied, and when I tried to call her I always got her voice message.
I…don’t think she cared about me anymore, so I doubt she’d care if I entered a modelling competition, even as a girl.
If she did care then she’d have come back home six years ago like she’d promised instead of moving permanently to America! Sh-
No, I didn’t want to think about that! I loved mum, and she…probably liked me. She was just busy, and she’d come home one day. It was okay! I shouldn’t bother her while she was….doing whatever it was she was doing.
And I don’t even want to think about what Aunt Linda would say. She’d be so…frustratingly happy…
‘No.’ I said finally, feeling utterly miserable.
Lilah began to protest but the waiter came back holding two large glasses of coke. He put them down between us and smiled hesitantly before quickly leaving, seeming to sense the mood. My stomach ached for the taste of the coke and I gave it what it wanted, but all it did was make me even hungrier.
‘Jake.’ Lilah said desperately after taking a sip from her own coke. ‘There will hardly be anyone from our school at the event, and one of my friends is going to handle all of the clothes and make-up for us. She’s really good! The few people from our school who’ll be there probably won’t even recognize you.’
‘No.’ I repeated and she gritted her teeth.
‘What about the prize money then? If we come first in the dancing competition we’ll get a thousand each, and two thousand each for the modelling one! And it’s like five hundred for second place and two hundred for third, something like that.’
I twitched at that. I could get a LOT of animal figurines with that kind of money…
But at the cost of my dignity.
‘No.’
‘What! Come on! Why not?’
‘Because I’m a boy!’ I scowled at her. ‘I can’t win a girls modelling completion! Are you insane? I look horrible!’
Lilah’s eyes widened. ‘No you don’t! If you put on some make-up, removed your glasses and got your hair done you’d look amazing! Here!’
She reached out to grab my glasses but I slapped her hands away. ‘Stop it! It wouldn’t matter how good I looked, I’m not going to be a model like mum! I’m a b-’
‘What was that?’ Lilah asked sharply, her eyes widening. ‘Your mum’s a model?’
‘Y-yeah, she is, but I don’t want to talk about it. It’s not important.’
‘Holy shit!’ Lilah’s whole face lit up and she grabbed a small diary from her inside blazer pocket, then flicked through it. ‘This is your mum, isn’t it! Oh my god! Your mum’s Elaine Reitz!’
She put the diary down between us and my heart jolted painfully as I saw a picture of mum, neatly cut out from a magazine, smiling up at me from the diary page. She was wearing a beautiful black dress and was standing in front of a red silk background, her hands on her hips and looking amazing. Mum and I slightly resembled each other, but her complexion was less pale and she was far more beautiful than I’d ever be. Because she was actually a girl whereas I was…me.
‘Where did you get this?’ I asked softly, taking the diary staring at the picture. I’d never seen this before! It looked so professional and important! Where was she? I thought she was only doing modelling on the side! When had this picture been taken then?
‘I cut it out of an old magazine at school.’ Lilah said, reaching over to flip the diary to a different page, where another picture of mum was. Two pictures actually, one on each page. These were photocopied in full colour, but looked a bit dull compared to the other ones.
‘W-what?’ I stammered, feeling dizzy as I stared at mum waving at me from a beach in a sheer red bikini. I didn’t even have a photo of mum at home, but Lilah had three!? What the hell. ‘I don’t understand…’
‘You didn’t know?’ Lilah asked in surprise. ‘She lives in America, right? I guess you don’t talk to her very often?’
‘No…’ I muttered, flicking to another page to find another picture of mum. And another. And another! ‘Why do you have so many picture of mum?’
‘Because she’s my idol!’ Lilah exclaimed, practically shaking with excitement. ‘Look how beautiful she is! I’ve never, ever seen someone as amazing as her before! Her body is perfect, and she’s never had surgery! She’s completely natural! And her face! Oh my god Jake! I can’t believe I didn’t realise you were her son sooner! The whole reason I asked you to be my partner is because you look like her! I should have known you were her kid, but it’s those stupid glasses of yours! They make you look all weird and geeky.’
I ignored the insult to my glasses and flicked through the diary even more. ‘How long has she been modelling for?’
‘Six years.’ Lilah said proudly. ‘She got her first break when she sent in a bunch of shots to the…’
I drowned her out as that sunk in. Six years…mum had been modelling for six years, having all these amazing photos taken and not once did she mention it to me. Why not? Did she just think I wouldn’t care? Or was she the one who didn’t care, didn’t think it was worth mentioning to me? Why…
Oh my god.
Mum might actually be interested in me modelling. If I told her that I was entering a modelling competition then would she talk to me? Would she be excited about it? Would she…
Would she come to the festival?
‘Is mum still modelling?’ I asked, interrupting Lilah.
‘Yes! Look at this picture!’ she opened a page of the dairy at the back and showed me a picture of mum. She was dressed in some…uh…very attractive pieces of lingerie with some stockings and was lying on a bed underneath the words “Essence of Purity”. ‘That was taken three months ago and it’s in heaps of magazines, and I’ve even seen it online! She’s the face of Essence of Purity, ever since she modeled for them last year. They’re this really fancy clothes store that h-’
‘I don’t know much about modelling.’ I said, once again cutting off Lilah. ‘What kind of stuff would I have to do for the competition? Do we get photos done beforehand and they’re shown off during the event? Or…what? And what about dancing? I can’t dance, but I can learn.’
Lilah’s eyes lit up.
I listened intently as she explained the modelling competition to me, her whole body animated with excitement. It was officially known as “Romance in Youth” and was fairly simple. Each pair of contestants needed to submit five professionally shot photographs of themselves, four themed and one in their school uniforms. These would then be displayed in a large hall at the festival and visitors would vote on which ones they thought were the best, and on the final day the winners would be revealed. A professional photographer was available free of charge for contestants to use, but Lilah had a friend who was going to take our photos for us over the next couple of weeks.
She was less enthusiastic about the dance competition though, as now that she’d broken up with her ex she was thinking of ditching it entirely. That was completely fine with me as I was only interested in the modelling competition. The idea of dancing as a girl in front of hundreds of people made me feel ill and I wasn’t sure that I could even actually do it. Standing in front of a camera and having my picture taken sounded far more my style.
The festival as a whole seemed to be far more lavish and elaborate than I’d have expected, especially with the prize money for the competitions being as high as they were. It was going to be held near the heart of the city in a gigantic town hall that was usual reserved for religious celebrations, public holiday events and cultural festivals. All senior schools in the region were able to attend, but only LGBT students were allowed to enter the competitions. This was apparently because the man who created it, Trask, wanted to celebrate LGBT students and give them a place where they could show off their work and not have to worry about being discriminated against.
‘He created it after a gay couple’s media teacher banned them from making a movie about their relationship, and the school sided with the teacher.’ Lilah explained to me as I nibbled at the surprisingly tasty margherita pizza. ‘And then there was this other incident about a trans girl who wasn’t allowed to join her school’s ballerina class because they didn’t accept her as a girl, that really pissed him off. Then there was this…well…you get the point.’ She finished with a grimace, rubbing her cheeks. ‘Some schools suck and Trask made the festival to give the students a chance to show off what their schools wouldn’t let them.’
‘Fair enough.’ I shifted guiltily on the seat and put down my pizza slice. ‘Is it really okay for me to be entering these competitions then? I’m no-’
‘Oh, don’t worry about that. You’re helping me and I’m a lesbian so it’s all good.’ Lilah said dismissively. ‘Anyway, I wanted to ask, who do you live with now? Your dad? Your grandparents?’
‘No, I stay with my aunt at her place. Or, well, she’s not really my aunt, she’s just mum’s best friend, but I’ve always called her Aunt Linda. Why?’
Lilah looked at me hopefully. ‘Do you see your mum at all then? Like, if you’re living with her best friend then maybe she comes and visits sometimes? Or you go and visit her?’
‘Oh. No, I haven’t even seen her since I was six.’ I said, my voice tightening. ‘Aunt Linda and I saw her off at the airport and I never saw her again. We used to talk through emails and she called sometimes but now…not so much.’
‘Aww crap. I thought so.’ Lilah said miserably, slumping down onto the table. ‘She’d never once mentioned having a son in all of her interviews, and I know she’s not married so I’d assumed she’d cut you out of her life. That sucks! It’d have been so cool if I was able to meet her through you. ’
I sunk in on myself. ‘W-well, she might come to the festival to see my photos, when I tell her about them. That’s the only reason why I’m entering, honestly. To try and get her attention.’
‘Ohh! So that’s why you suddenly changed your mind about entering! I wondered.’ She grinned up at me from the table. ‘I’d just assumed that when you saw how hot she was you got jealous and wanted to look like her too.’
‘What! No.’ I flushed bright red, knowing that she was teasing me but still getting flustered. ‘And even if that was true it wouldn’t matter. I’ll never look like her.’
‘Would you want to? If you could?’ Lilah asked and tapped her little notebook full of pictures of mum, which was next to her glass of coke. ‘Like I said before, if you got rid of your glasses and took care of your hair then I think you’d almost look like a younger version of her.’
‘Really?’ For some reason a strange, cold feeling ran through my stomach.
‘Yeah!’ Lilah said excitedly and opened the notebook again, flicking through it and holding up a picture I hadn’t seen before, of mum dressed in a business suit with her hair tied back in a loose ponytail. ‘Look at her face here. You’ve both got really petite facial features and high cheekbones. And your eyes are just like hers! They’re lush and dark and big and doll-like! It’s so fucking hot! And her boobs! If you ke-’ She stopped herself with a start and turned bright red. ‘Uh…I…well, you look like her already, is the p-point of what I’m saying.’
‘Yeah. I guess I do.’ I said uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze. I’d never once thought about mums boobs before and didn’t want to start now.
‘You’re like her little sister or something.’ Lilah said quietly and I felt her eyes running over me. ‘I can’t wait to see you dressed up tomorrow. We-’
‘What? Tomorrow?’ I gasped and she nodded.
‘Yeah. I already paid my friend for our shots, back when Rebecca and I were dating.’ Her expression darkened again and she began tearing apart a half-eaten slice of pizza. ‘She’s rented out that photography studio behind the mall for us, and she’s paid the deposit so we can’t change it.’
‘Studio?’ I’d assumed we’d be getting our photos done at Lilah’s place, or her friends.
‘Yeah. I don’t remember what it’s called, but it’s this huge place with a ton of different sets that you can hire, and they have professional lighting and stuff. I don’t know much about photography but it’s supposed to be awesome.’ Lilah frowned at me. ‘You’re not busy tomorrow, are you? Because this is really important!’
‘I’m free, but…’ I frowned and trailed off. Aunt Linda didn’t like me leaving the house during non-school hours without her, especially on such short notice. And she’d been pretty mad at me lately for forgetting my medication and not wearing those stupid pyjamas she’d bought me. I was going to have to put her in a good mood, and that was going to be…complicated.
Urgh. My life had become so messy in the last couple of hours.
‘But what?’ Lilah asked but I shook my head.
‘It’ll be fine. What time is the…the photo-taking?’
‘The shoot.’ Lilah corrected me with an amused grin. ‘I was thinking we could meet in front of the library at quarter to twelve, so I can walk with you to the studio so you don’t get lost.’
‘Oh!’ I perked up at that. I could use the library computers to email mum and let her know about the modelling competition! I’d been thinking I could try and call her but I hadn’t had much hope of her answering, and I didn’t think I was capable of leaving a very coherent voice message. Emailing her would be much easier! ‘Okay. I can do that.’
Lilah nodded and rubbed her chin thoughtfully. ‘Good! Then, I think that’s everything for the moment. Do you have any questions?’
I thought about that for a second. ‘Do I need to do anything to prepare for tomorrow?’
‘Yes! Wash your hair.’ She said eagerly. ‘And don’t wear your glasses! They’re horrible. Do you have contacts?’
‘I do, but I’d ra-’
‘Good. Wear them.’ Lilah nodded to herself. ‘And don’t worry about clothing, I’ve got something in mind that’ll look great on you. We’re going to do the formal theme tomorrow and I have a ton of good dresses.’
‘Formal theme? What does that mean? Like suits and stuff?’
‘Yeah, like, gowns, evening and designer dresses, that kind of stuff.’ Lilah said, her eyes shining excitedly.
‘I have to wear a gown?’ I asked as my stomach jolted. I knew I’d be wearing girl’s clothes, but I didn’t think I’d have to wear ones so fancy.
‘Of course! A suit would be wasted on someone as cute as you.’ Lilah softened her voice and looked at me for a moment before continuing. ‘I’ve got the perfect dress for you, Jake. You’re going to be beautiful tomorrow.’
I squirmed about on my seat and rubbed my burning cheeks, my heart beating faster than normal. I couldn’t explain why but hearing her say that I was going to be beautiful tomorrow made me feel really weird, and not in a bad way.
‘Do you have any other questions?’ Lilah asked and I shook my head, not wanting to look at her in case she could see how hot my face was. ‘Okay! We should get going then before it gets dark. I’ll pay for the meal so don’t worry.’
‘Oh! I can pay too!’
‘No! You were my guest today so I’ll pay.’ she said firmly. ‘And besides, I ate most of the pizza anyway. You barely ate anything.’
‘Ah…yeah.’ I grimaced. I’d only managed to eat one and a half slices of pizza before getting full, something that always seemed to happen. When I was hungry I became ravenous and wanted to eat gigantic serves of food, but when I actually started eating I got full almost immediately. I hadn’t even finished my glass of coke, only drinking about three quarters of it.
I followed Lilah through the increasingly busy restaurant and watched as she paid for our meal, noticing that she had a lot of fifty dollar notes in her grey purse. I’d kind of suspected that she was well off but it was still a surprise to see her holding that much money. Aunt Linda gave me twenty-five dollars a week and I was well aware that I was lucky to get even that, as some kids didn’t get an allowance at all.
I was tempted to ask Lilah about her money but that seemed wildly inappropriate given that today was the first time that we’d ever actually talked, so I kept my mouth shut and followed outside through the sliding glass doors. A cold gust of wind greeted us and I quickly rubbed my arms, wishing that I’d worn a long-sleeved singlet under my school shirt.
‘Right.’ Lilah said as the doors closed behind us, pulling a phone from her skirt. ‘Do you need a lift home or anything? I’m going to call my sister and get her to pick me up.’
‘No, I’m okay. It’s only a fifteen minute walk home from here.’
She nodded and then to my surprise she leant down and hugged me, resting her head next to mine and squeezing my shoulders. ‘Thankyou so much for agreeing to this Jake. You’re helping me out more than you know.’
‘T-that’s yes! Okay! T-thanks!’ I stammered and awkwardly grabbed her arms, my brain freaking out. I’d never been hugged by anyone other than mum or Aunt Linda before! Agh!
Lilah was so soft…
I was intensely aware of her cheek squashing against me, of her silky hair brushing against my forehead and her arms around my shoulders. She smelt like flowers, like a garden that was in full bloom, but sharper. Nicer.
My entire body was entranced by her, by the soft warmth coming off of her body, and I wondered what I felt like to her. Was I soft and warm too? And what did I smell like? I had no idea. Maybe I should start wearing some kind of deodorant? I’d never thought about it before but she smelt so nice that I wanted to smell like that too. Like a garden, or a ros-
Wait! No! That wasn’t manly. I needed to smell like a…a…car? Or a gun? Is that what men smelt like? Is it weird that I didn’t know? There weren’t many men in my life, now that I thought about it. I’d never met my dad due to him serving out a life sentence in prison and Aunt Linda didn’t have male friends. I didn’t have any friends at school, male or female, and I’d never grown close to any of the teachers.
I needed to make friends with a man. And then sniff him!
Actually, that sounded kinda creepy…maybe I wouldn’t do that…
Lilah broke off the hug and I blinked up at her, having gotten completely lost in my weird thoughts about man scents.
‘I think I like you, Jake. I’m looking forward to tomorrow.’ she said softly and rubbed my head, sending small sparks of warmth down my back. My head was ridiculously sensitive and I let out a reflective giggle, my face burning. ‘Ooh! You like that, huh?’
‘N-no!’ I stepped away from her and rubbed the spot that she’d been patting.
‘Liar.’ She smiled crookedly and brushed her hair behind her ears, but thankfully didn’t try to touch me again. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t be late!’
‘I won’t!’ I nodded confidentially. ‘Goodbye!’
‘Bye!’
We waved at each other and then I left the parking lot, my head a mess of confusing emotions.
She was a lesbian, so I doubted that when she said she liked me she meant it in that kind of way, but…I looked like a girl so maybe?
Was that a good thing? Did I want her to like me? I think I liked her. Or, her appearance at least. I wasn’t really sure about her personality yet. She seemed nice, but she’d only talked to me because she needed help. I can’t imagine she’d have any reason to talk to me if she and her girlfriend hadn’t broken up, and if she never realised I was mum’s child.
Still…
I kind of hoped she hug me again tomorrow.
Synopsis
Jake is a thirteen year old boy who looks like a girl, far more so than is normal. He isn't aware that his appearance is anything other than natural though, and has assumed it'll change when he goes through puberty.
He is wrong, and thanks to the help of a girl from his class he is forced explore a side of him he's always hated, and ends up facing some unpleasant truths. Family isn't always to be trusted.
Chapter 3: Aunt Linda
The day was just starting to darken by the time I reached the apartment complex that Aunt Linda lived in. It was a huge fifteen-storey tall black building with small veranda’s sticking out on all sides, and was nestled between another, smaller apartment complex and an office building. The whole area was blocked off from the public by a large metal fence that had hedges growing behind it, but the main gates were left open most of the time. There was a spacious garden at the front with a few benches lining the brick path leading to the door, and small trees were littered about in the springy grass. I never spent much time out here as there were always one or two other residents about, reading on one of the benches or smoking. Today there were three, a young couple sitting close to each other underneath one of the small trees and an elderly man watching them from next to the entrance door. He nodded at me as I passed and I nodded back but didn’t say anything. Everyone tended to keep to themselves around here, which is probably why Aunt Linda had chosen the area to live in.
I fished my keys out of my pants and brushed my card against the reader, which beeped happily and unlocked the glass door leading into the building. I pushed the door open, grunting with the effort it required, and then entered the huge black entrance hallway. Two elevators greeted me, with stairs winding around them on either side. I could smell the sharp scent of cleaning chemicals and sniffed unhappily, then hurried to the nearest elevator and pushed the sixth floor button. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait long as it was already descending, and when it reached me its silver doors opened to reveal a harassed-looking Muslim woman. She smiled briefly at me as she passed and I got into the elevator, wondering why she looked so unhappy. I’d seen her a few times before and while she always had a smile for me she constantly seemed tired and frustrated. I wished I could have helped her somehow but…
‘It’s none of my business.’ I muttered to myself as I rubbed my chest, echoing what Aunt Linda had told me many times in the past.
I avoided looking at my reflection in the large mirror set into the back of the elevator and went up to the sixth floor, where I was greeted by the familiar brown hallway that always smelt of dried lavenders. The walls of the building were thick enough that the hallway was almost completely silent, although I did hear the soft thrum of music coming from a room across from the elevator. Aunt Linda’s apartment was at the very end of the hall and I pulled out my keys as I approached, hoping that she wasn’t home. I really needed some time to myself after everything that had just happened but sometimes she came home early on Fridays and if she had then she’d probably want help preparing dinner.
I took a deep breath, unlocked the door and walked into the apartment. It was decently sized, with a large living room at the back and a dining room and kitchen opposite each other in the front. Upstairs was the master bedroom where Aunt Linda slept, as well as the spacious bathroom and small office. And underneath that, through a door in the living room, was my pleasantly snug little room. The walls were cream-white and spotless, with only one painting hanging above the leather couch in the living room. It was of a mother platypus resting alongside a log next to a billabong, with three baby ones nestled against its stomach. I think I’d spent more time looking at that than I had at the large TV sitting across from it. Aunt Linda had randomly bought it for me a few years ago and it was one of the best presents I’d ever gotten.
I didn’t see any sign of Aunt Linda and let out a happy breath, closing the door behind me and heading straight for my room. I wasn’t tired enough to fall asleep but I seriously needed to lie down for a good hour or so and go over everything that Li-
‘Jake?’ Aunt Linda’s voice came from upstairs and I heard the floorboards creak as she began descending the stairs.
…
Well, crap.
I stopped in front of my bedroom and watched as Aunt Linda came down into the living room, dressed in black track-pants and a pink tank top. She was a tall woman with a lean, strong body and a very attractive face. Her hazel hair was usually tied back in a loose ponytail and a stylishly messy fringe ended just above her perfectly plucked eyebrows, while two long bangs fell down on either side of her face. She was in her early thirties but didn’t look it, probably owing to the fact that she ate healthily and saw a personal trainer three times a week.
‘You’re home late.’ she said quietly, stopping to look at me from the bottom of the stairs. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘Mm!’ I gave her my best smile, hoping I looked relaxed and happy. ‘I just stayed late at school doing some homework.’
‘That’s good.’ She tapped her pink manicured nails on the wooden railing of the staircase. ‘Now, I want you to take a shower and clean yourself up, then come to my room. We need to have a little chat about some things.’
Oh god. ‘A chat? About what?’
‘You’re not in trouble, don’t worry.’ she said and held up the hand she’d tapped against the railing, frowning slightly at her nails. ‘Don’t take too long in the shower. I want us to start preparing dinner soon.’
‘Okay! I’ll be quick.’
She nodded and then disappeared back upstairs, her feet barely making a sound on the soft carpet. I let out heavy breath and ran my hands through my hair, once again feeling anxious and uncomfortable. So much for relaxing in bed and putting my thoughts together…
I had no idea what Aunt Linda wanted to talk about but I couldn’t imagine it’d be anything good, especially after I’d been punished so many times over the past few weeks. This week hadn’t been good but last week had been even worse, with me forgetting to take my medication three times in a row and Aunt Linda and I getting into a huge fight over my hair. If it was shorter then it’d be so much easier for people to identify me as a boy, and it’d been almost two years since she’d last let me get it cut. I’d politely asked her if I could go to a hairdresser and the conversation had plummeted downhill from there. Mainly because I’d lost my patience and tried to cut my hair myself with a pair of scissors, causing her to freak out and slap me in the face in order to make me stop. And then when I hadn’t stopped she’d…
She’d…
A chill went down my spine and I decided that it was probably for the best if I took a shower now instead of resting in my room for a bit. I didn’t want to make Aunt Linda mad.
I slipped off my shoes, put them underneath my chair at the dining table and then hurried up the staircase. Aunt Linda’s room was right across from the landing and she’d left her door open, and she was sitting on her bed with her laptop resting on her crossed legs. She looked up and smiled briefly at me as I passed and I nervously smiled back, and then went into the bathroom.
Besides my bedroom, this was my favourite place in the apartment. Its floor and walls were made out of a smooth black marble and one of the side walls was covered entirely in a mirror, with a grey bench running underneath it. There was a shower in the corner and a large grey bathtub along the wall next to it. It was…comforting somehow, like a little platypus burrow.
I slowly took off my clothes and looked longingly at the bathtub. I couldn’t imagine anything more relaxing than filling it up with almost-burning hot water and soaking in it for a while, maybe with some soft music playing as well. But there was definitely no time for that so I finished undressing and quickly got into the shower, turned the heat up as high as I could bare and began washing myself all over.
After a minute of quickly scrubbing myself down I did feel a little more relaxed than before, especially because my chest had finally stopped itching. I think that was more because I wasn’t wearing a shirt as opposed it having just been washed though, as the two lumps were horribly sensitive and every shirt I owned seemed to irritate them.
They kind of…looked like little breasts. And I think that they were bigger than they had been last week too, more rounded and firmer. Ugh…what kind of stupid chest infection was this anyway? Aunt Linda had said it’d go away eventually but it’d been six months now and the lumps hadn’t show any signs of shrinking. With how curved and feminine my body was the last thing I needed were lumps that looked like boobs. Why was my body so messed up?
A cold shiver of dread ran through me as I wondered that. It really did seem like I was turning into a girl, like I was going through female puberty. Aunt Linda constantly told me that it was nothing to worry about, that this happened sometimes to boys my age and so long as I took the medication she got from her doctor then my body would eventually sort itself out but…after almost two years things had just gotten worse. When I looked down I just saw a girl’s body. A small chest, small breasts, slim waist, wide hips and smooth thighs. Even my genitals were small and barely noticeable.
A part of me wished that I could see a doctor, but I was so ashamed of having to show my body to someone besides Aunt Linda that I was glad she never took me to see one. I just had to stay hopeful and positive! In a few months, or maybe even in a year or so, my body would fix itself with help of the medication. It’d remember that it was male and I’d finally start turning into a man. My chest would broaden, my waist would catch up to my hips and my shoulders would become wider than all of them. I’d be carrot-shaped instead of hour-glass shaped!
Which…kind of made me feel a bit sad, because it wasn’t like I hated how my body was now. If I was actually a girl then I’d probably be really happy, but I was a boy and this was just…wrong. I shouldn’t look like this!
If I looked like a normal boy instead of a girl then I wouldn’t be made fun of all the time at school. Instead of being called a tranny or a fag by the boys we’d probably be friends. I’d play football with them and talk about boy stuff like...like hot girls and sports games and cars and…stuff. I don’t know! And I didn’t care! I’d give anything to just sit in a group of boys who didn’t hate me and listen as they talked about stuff I didn’t understand, just so I could feel like I wasn’t alone anymore. I didn’t like football but if a group of boys from my class invited me to sit with them and talk about it then I’d join them in an instant! I was sick of sitting by myself at the back of the class with only my stupid imagination for company, and the only interactions with other students being when they decided it’d be fun to bully me for a while!
I was so….lonely. I hated admitting that because it was embarrassing, but it was true! I was alone all the time, even here. Aunt Linda had barely paid any attention to me until I turned ten and needed to take medication to help my body develop, and when I turned twelve we’d started fighting so much that I began to actively avoid her.
That was why it was so important to go through with the modelling competition! If I could get mum to come home then I wouldn’t be alone anymore! Even if nothing changed at school, every time I’d come home she’d be there with a loving smile and a warm hug, ready to make everything better.
If Aunt Linda wouldn’t let me go out tomorrow then I’d have to sneak out and deal with the consequences later. Screw it! Getting mum back into my life was worth suffering through a thousand punishments. When mum came back then I wouldn’t even have to live with Aunt Linda anymore so it wouldn’t matter! Mum would take me home and make everything better.
We’d finally be a family again.
I sighed tiredly began to turn the water off when I remembered Lilah telling me to wash my hair, so I looked up at the bench set into the shower wall. It was lined with Aunt Linda’s hair and body-care products, and after fighting with myself for a moment I grabbed the shampoo and ran it through my hair. It smelt pleasantly like peaches and cream, making me smile crookedly. My hair was going to smell exactly like Aunt Linda’s did. Weird.
I washed out the shampoo and followed it up with the same brand of conditioner, and when I washed that out I was amazed at the texture of my hair. I’d never bothered to wash it so thoroughly before now, most of the time not even using the honey-scented shampoo Aunt Linda bought me. So I’d never realised that hair could feel this…elegant. Even though it was wet I could already feel how soft and smooth it was compared to before, although there were a lot of knots. I needed to brush them out and the dry my hair. It was probably going to feel even more amazing once it was dry!
I got out of the shower and grabbed my towel off the rack, ignoring the fact that it was fluffy and pink. Aunt Linda refused to buy me a more masculine one and I’d given up complaining about it years ago. I quickly dried my body and then went over to the bench, grabbed a brush and looked at my reflection.
Which was a blurry, unfocused mess. Oops. I needed my glasses…or! I could get my contacts! They were in one of the drawers here under the bench, and I was really curious to see if I did look more like mum without my glasses. Plus, I really should get used to wearing them tonight if I was going to wear them tomorrow.
I searched through the numerous drawers lining the bench before I found my contacts, unsurprisingly in a drawer full of eye-care products. I took them out along with their cleaning fluid and carefully washed them, as even though they were a new set I was paranoid about getting some kind of eye infection. That was part of the reason why I rarely ever wore them, but the main one was because I just liked my glasses more. I felt safer with them on, like I had a little barrier between me and the outside world.
I sat down on the stool in front of the sink and carefully cleaned each of the small plastic discs, and then went through the old, familiar struggle of putting them in my eyes. After a couple minutes of pained grunts and frustrated growls I finally managed to put one in, and the second one followed soon after. I blinked a few times, rubbed my eyes, slicked my hair back behind my head and then focused on my reflection in the mirror, glad that I was so small that only my shoulders and head were visible while sitting on the stool.
It had been a long time since I’d last seen myself clearly without glasses, well over a year ago, and back then I’d looked much younger than I actually was. My face had still been in the process of growing out of my childhood chubbiness and my features had been feminine but undefined, making me look like I was around ten years old. But now…
I didn’t look like a little girl anymore, I looked like a teenage girl. There was no longer any puppy fat on my face and my features were far more defined, but still retained their softness. My eyes weren’t as large without my glasses but they were still quite big, and without the magnification from the lens they looked far more mature and…lush…
Look at her face here. You’ve both got really petite features and high cheekbones. And your eyes are just like hers! They’re lush and dark and big and doll-like! It’s so fucking hot!
I blushed uncomfortably as I remembered Lilah’s words and a weird tingling sensation sparked down my back. I was attractive! Not cute like a little kid anymore but pretty like a young woman. Like a young version of mum, just paler and with slightly smaller features. I…I…
I felt weird…and slightly nauseous…
‘Aha…’ I laughed weakly and reached out to touch my reflection in the mirror. ‘What the hell…’
How long had I looked like this!? I knew my glasses obscured most of my upper features, and I’d spent the last year or so actively avoiding how I looked but…this was insane! This wasn’t right! In my head I’d always seen myself as an odd-looking, shaggy-haired gothic bookworm with huge glasses, but that wasn’t real anymore.
I didn’t recognize myself at all. Who was this girl looking back at me? What the hell was going on!? The medication Aunt Linda gave me was supposed to stop me from becoming more feminine and make my body go through proper puberty! B-
‘You’re beautiful.’ Aunt Linda’s voice came from the doorway and I screamed in horror, then spun around and almost fell off the stool.
‘Aunt Linda! What the hell!’ I gasped and clapped my hands down on my lap, my heart hammering through my chest. How long had she been here? Surely only a couple of seconds or I’d have noticed her in the mirror. ‘Get out of here! I’m naked!’
‘Oh, calm down.’ she said with a smirk and closed the door behind her, her blue eyes shining behind their thick lashes. ‘I’ve seen you naked before.’
‘Please leave.’ I said shakily and began to stand up, but she put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back down. She was so tall that I only came up to the bottom of her chest when standing, and was far stronger than I’d probably ever be. ‘Ah! What are you doing?’
‘Let me look at you for a moment.’ she said but I shook my head, shame at my body consuming me.
I slipped out of her grasp and ran to where my towel was on the ground, holding it up against my chest and genitals. Jesus!
‘Stop being so silly, honey.’ Aunt Linda said in a softer voice, her eyes running over my body. ‘I just wanted to see how your body’s been developing. You won’t let me see you naked anymore so I have no idea what’s going on.’
I glared up at her and took a step back, trying to calm down. When my body had first started changing I’d shown her because I was scared and confused, but once I learnt what was happening I never let her see me naked again. Why didn’t she understand how embarrassing this was?
Wait…had she told me to have a shower just so she could barge in and see me naked like this?
‘My body’s still messed up, and you should know it.’ I said as calmly as I could, although I couldn’t keep all of the anger out of my voice. ‘You’re the one who always freaks out when I kept forgetting to take my medication! You know what I look like! You don’t need to see me naked. Go away!’
‘Honey…just calm down.’ she said gently and pointed down at the stool. ‘I’m trying to help you, okay? This is what I wanted us to talk about. Just sit here and let me inspect your body for a moment.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I want to see how it’s doing before I give you your new medication.’ she said and my stomach jolted.
‘What?’
‘I can’t have you continuing to forget your medication all the time, so I’ve decided to change the method in which you take them.’ she said, her expression darkening. ‘I’ll be the one giving them to you this time so you won’t be able to forget anymore.’
I looked warily up at her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Injections.’ she said simply. ‘You can get hor-the medication in an injectable form, and you’ll only have to take it once every couple of months. It’s apparently far more effective than the tablets too, because it goes right into the bloodstream.’
I shivered. ‘Are you talking about n-needles?’ My stomach plummeted when she nodded. ‘What! I don’t want t-’
‘Well then you should have thought about that before forgetting to take your tablets so many times.’ she said matter-of-factly. ‘Now please, just take off that towel so we can get this over with.’
I stared up at her nervously, my mind racing. If getting injections would help make my body become like a normal boys then I had no problem with them, especially after I’d just realised how feminine my face had become, but…why did she need to see me naked? Wasn’t it obvious just from looking at my face that my body was wrong as well? I didn’t understand, but I was worried about pushing the issue and making her mad. And besides that, I was supposed to be trying to put her in a good mood! Continually resisting her was just going to have the opposite effect, but…
But…I couldn’t show her my naked body! It was too embarrassing. No!
‘Aunt Linda…please…’ I said and pulled the towel tighter to my chest. ‘This is really embarrassing.’
‘It shouldn’t be.’ she said in a gentler tone than I’d expected. A warm smile lit up her face and she pushed her bangs behind her ears. ‘Your body’s beautiful, honey. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. Most girls your age and older would kill to have a body like that. You should be proud of how attractive you are!’
I bit back an angry retort and forced myself to speak evenly. ‘…I’m a boy, Aunt Linda. I don’t want to look like this.’
‘But you do. So why not…’ She shook her head and sighed heavily. ‘No. We can talk about that later, when I’ve seen how far your body’s progressed. This is the last time I’m going to ask you, Jake. Take off that towel or I’ll take it off you myself.’
I swallowed and backed up against the wall. ‘What do you mean prog-’
My words ended in a cry of pain as she shoved me up against the wall, so hard that my head bounced off it. She ripped the towel out of my hands as lights spun in front of me, and then she shoved me back again and held me there. I cried out in horror and stared up at her in a daze, terror running through me.
‘I warned you.’ she hissed and slammed me against the wall again, her hands wrapped firmly around my upper arms. The warm smile was gone and her eyes were dark and angry. ‘I tried to be nice but you just wouldn’t let me, would you? Now shut the fuck up and let me look you over. I’m so sick of your whining.’
I whimpered and tried to push her away but it was useless. I could feel her eyes on me as if they were hands rubbing themselves up against my body. She was seeing everything…my body’s feminine shape, my genitals, my chest lumps. Everything I’d been trying to hide. Tears burned my eyes and nausea rose up inside of me again.
‘Stop crying.’ She said harshly and knelt down to see my lower half better. I whimpered and tried to pull away but there was nowhere to go. ‘For fucks sake Jake, just stay still. I’ll be done soon. Be patient.’
Then she began to touch me, her fingers pushing down on the fat around my hips and butt, then running up my back and inspecting my chest.
‘D-don’t…’ I said weakly as she pushed against the lumps, making me whimper again. ‘Please stop.’
She didn’t, but after about a minute she looked at me with a softer expression, a small smile on her lips.
‘You really are just like a girl now, huh? You have no reason to be ashamed of this body! It’s stunning! Why would you hide this from me? I had no idea you’d become so feminine. I’d-’
I couldn’t control myself anymore and burst into tears, feeling more violated than I ever had before. Deep, painful sobs tore my chest and all the energy in my body disappeared. Aunt Linda let me collapse down onto the ground and pulled me into a tight hug, telling me how beautiful my body was. I didn’t have the energy to try and escape her grasp so just let her hold me while I sobbed uncontrollably, my mind a scared, confused mess.
Synopsis:
Jake's life is being ripped out of his control as his Aunt plans for a future he never wanted, all while his body continues to change and the hope of finally seeing his mum again grows stronger. But the feelings he's tried to avoid for most of his life come rushing back and he begins to break apart from the pressure coming at him from all sides.
Comments and feedback are greatly appreciated!
Chapter Four: Looking to the future
Aunt Linda held me until I stopped crying, and as I sniffed and wiped my eyes she put her hands on my shoulders and smiled down at me.
‘You always have make things harder than they need to be, don’t you?’ she kissed me on the forehead and cupped my chin in her hands so I was looking up at her. ‘You poor, silly little thing. You need to stop being so ashamed of your body. Especially not now that it’s so beautiful! You’ve become such a wonderful young woman an-’
‘I’m a boy.’ I said weakly and hiccupped.
‘No.’ she said and a weak spark of anger ran through me. ‘Not on the outside, anyway. Except for that thing between your legs, but that’s easily hidden.’ I pushed my legs together even tighter and she laughed softly. ‘See, you hate it too. Wouldn’t you be happier without it?’
‘Wh-no!’ I stared at her with wide eyes, my stomach growing cold. I did hate my genitals but I hadn’t expected her to pick up on that.
‘Owh, Jake. You’re so disappointing.’ She sighed and finally let go of my face. ‘But that’s okay. We’re going to fix that very soon, aren’t we?’
‘What?’ I asked shakily.
‘You’ll see.’ She beamed and grabbed my discarded school clothes, along with my glasses. ‘But we can talk later, after I’ve had time to sort some things out. I’ve had a few things planned for a while now and it’s time I set them in motion.’
‘Wait!’ I said as she began to get up. ‘The medication can’t be working if my body’s like this! This is way worse than it s-should be, right?’
‘Yes, it is. But that’s not the medication’s fault, that’s yours.’ She looked me in the eye as her lips twitched. ‘If you didn’t forget to take it all the time then your body wouldn’t be like it is. This is your fault, Jake. You didn’t listen to me and now you have to deal with the consequences.’
My fault…
‘C-consequences?’ I shivered. ‘Like having the injections?’
‘Yes, but so much more than that.’ She rubbed the top of my head, and even through the numbness I felt a small spark of pleasure. ‘Consequences don’t always have to be bad, you know. I’m going to make you so happy sweetie, now that I don’t have to hold back anymore. Now that I know you’re not going to look like some transvestite or drag queen.’ Her lips twisted in distaste and she ran her hands down my sides, making me squirm uncomfortably. ‘No…you’re going to be perfect. Real instead of fake and disgusting. Truly pure. I promise you Jake, your happiness won’t be anything for anyone to be ashamed or disgusted by. You’re going to be everything we wanted, and so much more!’
‘W-what? We who? What are you talking about?’
She smirked and let out a small sigh. ‘Nothing you need worry about for the moment. Now, go to your room and rest up for a bit. I’ll come and get you in a few hours when I’m ready.’
I nodded numbly and watched as she left the room, then dropped down onto my side and stared at the wall, my head a painful mass of confusion and shame. It was difficulty to hold onto a thought long enough to process it except for one. One horrible, awful thought that I’d never even considered before now.
Was this my fault? I hadn’t thought that the medication was working so I’d stopped taking it as often, and now I looked just like a girl. It was my fault in that I’d stopped taking the medication as much, but I didn’t know that I’d nearly turn into a girl because of it! That seemed insane! I should be impossible! What kind of weird body abnormality turned boys turn into girls except for their genitals?
Aunt Linda had never gone into specifics about my condition, saying that I was too young to properly understand it, so I had no idea what was going on. All she’d said was that it was a rare developmental…thing…that sometimes happened to boys my age, and that it’d go away if I took my medication. She’d never said anything about me turning into a girl! I’d thought the worst that could happen was that I’d just look like an odd little girl for a couple of years, not that I’d start growing up like one!
How could this be my fault? So what if I forgot to take my medication for a couple of days throughout the last couple of months? Maybe if Aunt Linda had of actually told me turning into a girl was a possibility then I wouldn’t have been so lax about it! I’d never have thought this was possible!
God…this was insane, wasn’t it? What was happening to me? This wasn’t normal. Was…someone doing this to me? Was…was Aunt Linda doing this to me?
No! That was impossible. She wouldn’t hurt me like that, she loved me! But…
I wondered sometimes. She never gave me a decent answer about what was going on and never took me to a doctor, just told me to take my medication. I knew she wanted me to be a girl and was overjoyed at my body becoming more feminine, so why would she be so concerned about me taking medication that went against all of that? Why would she get so mad at me for not taking it when it’d undo all of the changes in my body that she was so happy about? Unless the medication wasn’t doing anything, or was actually turning me into a girl!
But, she was my legal guardian. She was responsible for my health and wellbeing and from what I understood, it was illegal for her to neglect my medical needs. Or turn me into a girl. If she was altering my body and someone found out then she could be arrested, or sued, or whatever it is that happens in those kinds of situations. I couldn’t believe that she’d break the law just to turn me into a girl, no matter how badly she wanted to. That was insane, and Aunt Linda might be weird and really scary sometimes, but she wasn’t insane. She just…liked girls a lot more than boys, is all.
And besides all of that, there was no way mum would leave me with someone who’d turn me into a girl! Mum had been Aunt Linda’s best friend for years, she knew her better than I ever would. If she thought she could be trusted to look after me then that was all there was to it. Mum wasn’t stupid.
I began to feel guilty even thinking about Aunt Linda doing this to me. She’d taken me in, and continued to look after me even after mum hadn’t come home when she’d said. She’d fed me, bought me awesome presents, gave me money and sent me to school. So what if she was a bit weird and wanted me to be a girl? Thinking that she’d actually mess with my body was just…rude. Wrong. Offensive. I was horrible for even thinking about it! She loved me!
I gritted my teeth as a sob threatened to tear its way out of my throat. I needed to stop thinking about this! What was happening to me was just some natural but rare body condition, and if I did what Aunt Linda said everything would be okay. It was my fault my body was like this…
But…it couldn’t hurt to do some research on my own, could it? While I was at the library tomorrow I could try and look into it somehow, maybe use the internet on the computers. I wasn’t great with computers but I knew how to Google something, and that was all I’d need, right?
That thought made me feel a little better and I got to my feet, carefully wrapping my towel around my waist. Once it was secure I removed my contacts, which had begun to fog up due to my tears, and quickly cleaned them again before putting them back in. I grabbed the black box they’d come in and then fled out of the room and down the stairs, not even glancing at Aunt Linda’s open doorway. When I reached the living room I hurled myself into my bedroom and slammed the door behind me, then dropped onto the soft carpeted floor with a relieved sigh. The beautifully safe, crowded darkness of my room washed over me and I felt myself immediately begin to relax.
Oh, thank god…
This was my sanctuary, my safe place. My small, warm little burrow where nothing bad could happen to me. There were no windows in here so it was always dark without the lights on, and for some reason it seemed to stay warm all year round, even in winter.
My brown bed was in the middle of the left wall underneath and it was littered with soft toys. Most of them were platypuses of various sizes but there were a few kittens and puppies hidden amongst them, as well as a rather lonely baby bunny. On the two shelves above the bed were the majority of my Pristine figurines, all neatly lined up to show them off to…well…me, really. The platypus figurine mum had given me was directly above my bed and on either side of it were two sleeping kittens. I’d neatly lined up the rest in no particular order besides making sure that my favourites were near the center. These consisted of the cuter figurines such as foxes, cats, puppies, foals, piglets, ferrets, ducklings, lambs, does, seals, bunnies and so on.
I…liked cute animals. A lot. I was painfully aware of how feminine of a trait that was, and the fact that Aunt Linda eagerly encouraged it only made it worse, but I just couldn’t help it. Cute things made my stomach all warm and happy, and a lot of the time when I was sad looking at my figurines and soft toys made me feel so much better.
They reminded me of…better times. Back when mum and I lived together, along with my sister.
On either side of my bed were two huge soft toy bears, each one taller than me even while sitting down. They had a small collection of baby animal plushies on their lap and the black fur around their stomachs had been worn away from the countless hugs they’d endured from me over the years. On either side of them were my large ornate wardrobe and chest of drawers, both of which had a scattering of Pristine figurines on them. These ones were the cooler ones that I was fond of, such as my whales and sharks. The great white figurine that I’d been hoping to get today would have gone right in the middle of the whales on my wardrobe, guarding it from any potential intruders. Rawr!
My work desk was on the opposite wall, and it the barest place in the room. I was the kind of person who left homework until the very last minute, usually the morning that it was due, and as such my desk barely saw any use. Aunt Linda had said that I’d get her old laptop when I was old enough to be trusted alone on the internet but that day still hadn’t come…
Two giant bookshelves were on either side of the desk, and another larger one was in the center of the back wall. One of them was full of animal books, usually ones that contained amazing wildlife photos, but I had a few more scientific ones as well. The second one was full of comics, manga and the few novels that I’d read, and the final bookcase was where I stored my DVDs. It was mostly fighting and science fiction anime, but I’d collected a few comedy anime over the years as well. There were some movies on the bottom shelf, and the top one was where I kept my documentaries. I owned pretty much everything that David Attenborough had created and I’d collected quite a few dinosaur documentaries as well. I loved seeing what life was like millions of years ago and learning about how different species had evolved into what they are now. Plus, dinosaurs were awesome.
I liked to think that my love of cool things like dinosaurs and sharks balanced out my love of cute things. I wasn’t quite sure if that was how that all worked, but it made me feel a little better.
After soaking up the safety of my room for a couple more seconds I went to my wardrobe and pulled out my pyjamas, unable to stand being naked any longer. The pyjamas were jet-black and made out of soft wool that immediately irritated my chest, but the feeling of being clothed again far outweighed that small discomfort.
An odd, relieved grunt escaped my lips once I was fully dressed and I jumped onto my bed, my head beginning to clear. I rolled over to my side and grabbed my favourite soft toy, a large dark brown platypus called Julia, and hugged her tightly to my chest for a few moments.
‘Okay.’ I said quietly, focusing on Julia’s large black eyes. Talking to her always helped me put my thoughts in order. ‘So, I think I over-reacted to Aunt Linda inspecting my body. She only did it to see if the medication was working, it wasn’t like she was trying to humiliate me. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. It’s my fault my body’s like this and she was just trying to help! R-right?’ I looked questioningly at Julia, who nodded sagely. ‘Right. She’s always trying to help me and I’m always making things hard for her. Maybe I shouldn’t fight her so much when she tries to make me more like a girl. I mean, tomorrow I’m going to be actually dressing up as a girl for a photoshoot! So it’s not like I’m disgusted by the idea or anything. Why do I fight it so much?’
Julia looking meaningfully at me and I grimaced. ‘I know. Because it’s scary. I get bullied at school all the time because of how I look, and that’s just while wearing the baggy uniform and my glasses. If I actually put effort into looking like a girl then I’d be bullied a thousand times worse! I know Aunt Linda says it’s not wrong to be feminine but she’s the only one who says that. I’ve never heard anyone else say it’s okay for boys to dress like girls. Most of the kids at school make fun of crossdressers, and that’s what I’d be if I dressed like a girl, right? Because…I don’t want to be a girl.’ Julia looked at me knowingly and I sighed. ‘I know. Things would be so much easier if I actually was a girl, wouldn’t they? I wouldn’t get bullied for looking like this and I’d probably even have friends. I’d get along much better with Aunt Linda too. And I’d…I’d…’ I trailed off as a strange, warm feeling appeared in my stomach, along with tingling sensations down my back.
If I actually was a girl…
I wasn’t a girl, obviously. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be one. There were people who changed their sex, transse-
‘Ah! What the hell am I thinking?’ I gasped and sat bolt upright, a cold chill running down my back. ‘I’m a boy! And I’m happy being a boy! The only reason things suck is because I look like this, but I won’t forever! So…so shut up!’
I shook my head and fell back down onto the bed again, squashing Julia up into a tight hug. The strange, warm feeling in my stomach was still there but I tried to ignore it. ‘The point is, that…I’m a boy and I’ll get made fun of for dressing like a girl. No, even worse than being made fun of. People would think that I’m a transsexual…w-which I’m not! I’m a boy!’ I glared at Julia, who stared sadly back at me. ‘I’m not a transsexual! Stop looking at me like that!’
I shoved the platypus away from me and rolled over onto my back, my stomach churning uncomfortably. God damn it. I didn’t want to be a girl! I was just getting confused and overwhelmed by my changing body and Aunt Linda constantly trying to make me like girly things.
But that warm feeling in my stomach whenever I thought about it…not dressing as a girl but actually being one…was enticing. I’d felt it once before, when I’d first seen my feminising body and thought that I was turning into a girl. I’d been terrified but excited too. For a brief moment it felt like everything was going to be okay, that I was actually a girl and my body was fixing itself, genitals and everything. And once it was done I’d be able to go to a new school as a girl where nobody knew me and I’d finally fit in, make friends and not be alone! Aunt Linda and I would finally get along and mum would definitely have to come home and see me! I’d be her new daughter!
But…I hadn’t been turning into a girl. I was just a boy who was starting to look like one. My genitals weren’t going to disappear, I wasn’t going to start growing breasts and I wouldn’t be able to give birth.
I’d been more upset about that than I cared to admit. But I’d gotten over it! It’d just been a brief moment of confusion and it was gone now. It’d only lasted a day, from when I woke up and saw my wider hips to when I’d showed Aunt Linda and had her explain what was happening. After that I was fine with being a boy! I was…I was fine.
But the warm feeling was still there, and it was making me anxious and…really sad…
If I’d been born a girl my life would have been so much better.
But that was…that was just…something that didn’t matter! Because I was born a boy and I didn’t want to be a girl anymore! Wearing girl’s clothes and acting like a girl just reminded me that I wasn’t really a girl and it made me feel like shit! That was why I hated it! Not because I was bullied all the time, even though that was a part of it. That was another reminder of what I wasn’t, just a boy who looked like a girl instead of a real girl. Same with wearing girls clothes, and acting like one and being treated like. It was all just a painful reminder of a life I’d never have. I didn’t care what Aunt Linda said, I was a boy and no amount of clothing or kind words would change that. Nor my feminine body and face. I had a...penis…
And even if I didn’t, even if I somehow got the surgery that made my genitals into girls ones, it still wouldn’t matter. Mum…I was a boy to her, she’d never accept me as a girl. She’d never come home to see her transsexual son. She wouldn’t love me. I’d be a…a freak to her, and end up alone and unloved with just Aunt Linda for company.
I breathed out and wiped my eyes, which were starting to tear up. I needed to stop thinking about this. It was pointless. All it did was make me feel sad and empty. I was a boy, and when I finally looked like I was supposed to then everything would be fine. I just had to hold on and be patient, and deal with dressing like a girl over the next couple of weeks. When mum came back to see me model she’d make everything okay again. I’d be her son and that…
That was enough. As long as she was back I could deal with anything.
…maybe.
‘Jake. Wake up.’
I groaned and turned over in my sleep, curling myself around Julia. Was someone cal-
‘Jake!’
My eyes snapped open with a gasp, and I saw Aunt Linda standing above me with a frown. She’d turned the lights on in my room and I was snuggled up underneath my bedsheets. What the hell? When had I fallen asleep? I didn’t remember…
‘What…’ I said blearily and rubbed my eyes, pushing myself into a kneeling position and looking up at my aunt. ‘What time is it?’
‘It’s nine thirty.’ she said gently and pushed my bed hair out of my face and behind my ears with a smile. ‘Don’t worry, you can go back to sleep when I’m done. Unless you’re hungry?’
I was still pretty full from the pizza I’d had with Lilah, so I shook my head. ‘I’m okay. What umm…why are you here? Sorry…’
‘I just want to take your measurements, sweetie. It won’t take long.’ I rubbed my eyes again and saw that she was holding a roll of measuring tape, as well as a small notepad. ‘Hop off the bed for me.’
‘My measurements?’ I asked as I crawled off the bed and got to my feet, using Aunt Linda’s stomach for support.
‘Yep. I want to be able to measure the changes your body goes through.’
‘To see if the injections work?’ I asked and she blinked, then smiled.
‘Yes! Exactly!’ she patted me on the head and I squeaked happily. ‘Now, take off your clothes. I want to get these measurements as exact as possible.’
My stomach plummeted and I was suddenly wide awake. Oh my god! She wanted me to get naked again!? Jesus…
‘Jake…’ Aunt Linda said as I hesitated, her voice becoming stern. ‘Do you want a repeat of what happened earlier in the bathroom?’
I shook my head and grabbed the bottom of my pyjamas, knowing all too well now how pointless it was to refuse her. ‘S-sorry…’
‘It’s okay.’ She beamed as I undressed, the sternness disappearing. ‘I know this makes you uncomfortable but you’re going to have to get used to it. I want to measure you every week from now on, to see how your body’s changing. Not just from the medication though. I was thinking, would you like to come to the gym with me sometimes?’
‘What? Why?’ I stared at her in surprise as she measured my waistline.
‘You’re smaller than I’d like, and very weak.’ I blushed unhappily but she continued, smiling slightly. ‘So I want to increase the amount of food you eat to help you put on some muscle, but I don’t want you getting fat.’
‘Oh…well…’ I trailed off, having no idea how to think about that. I’d never gone to the gym before, and physical activities weren’t all that high up on the list of things I wanted to do.
‘Also, I’m enrolling you in singing lessons.’ she said nonchalantly as she finished measuring my hips.
‘What!?’ I gasped and stared at her. ‘Why?’
‘Because you have a beautifully soft, feminine voice and I want you to put it to good use.’
‘I don’t want to sing!’
‘Too bad.’ she said, lifting up both my arms and measuring my chest. I squirmed and fought against my natural instinct to push her arms away. ‘You’re going to learn to sing, and you’re going to learn to dance as well. And I was thinking it might be worth looking into piano lessons as well, or maybe even violin ones. Which do you prefer?’
‘Uh…’ I watched as she wrote down my measurements in her notebook, completely lost. ‘Why do I need to do all these things now? Is this because of my body?’
‘Yes.’ She pushed my legs apart and began measuring my thighs, ignoring my embarrassment. ‘It should go without saying, but I expect you to go to all of these activities as a girl. Your body is stunning and I refused to let you waste its potential.’
I shivered at her words and hugged myself. ‘But…Aunt Linda, I really don’t wa-’
‘I know you don’t want to, but it’s for the best.’ She finished measuring my legs and scribbled the results in her notebook. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while but I kept holding off because your body was too masculine, but now that it’s not then there’s no need to delay things any further. You’re going to learn to sing, dance and play an instrument.’
‘Why?’
‘Because you, my cute little baby girl, are going to become a star. Just like I’ve always wanted.’ she said with a wide smile, putting her hands on my shoulder. ‘Not just any star though. A special one.’
‘Special how?’ I didn’t like how she’d said that.
‘You’ll see.’ She beamed and squeezed my shoulders. ‘For now though, all you need to worry about is learning your new skills and getting healthier.’
‘I don’t w-’
‘I don’t care.’ she said over me, her expression darkening. ‘This is for your own good sweetie, even if you can’t see it now. Besides, I think you’ll quite like the process once it gets started.’
‘What process?’
She tilted her head and smiled, taking her hands off my shoulders. ‘The process of becoming Lain, of course.’
‘Who?’
‘That’s what your name will be.’
‘What? Lain?’
‘Yes.’
She smiled but I just stared blankly back, unable to properly digest what she’d just said. She wanted me to be a female star called Lain? That was insane! Even if I actually wanted to do that, there was no way it was possible. I was…well, me! I loved platypuses and animal figurines, not dancing and singing. There was no way I’d be able to learn those kinds of skills. I wasn’t made for moving around and entertaining people. What did she even mean by star? A singer? Did she want me to release albums? Or did she want me to be in operas or something? Or…what? I had no idea, and I didn’t think she was going to divulge any more information at this point so I didn’t bother asking.
Learning to play an instrument wouldn’t be so bad, but learning to sing and dance sounded awful. There had to be a way to get out of doing those. I was already doing the modelling competition and that was wa-oh!
‘Aunt Linda!’ I gasped and grabbed her arm. ‘Would it be okay if I went out tomorrow? Around twelve?’
‘Where?’ she asked, her smile fading somewhat.
‘Uh…to the library! I’m meeting someone from school, and we’re going to work on a project together.’ I lied quickly, although it wasn’t completely a lie. A half-truth I guess.
‘…okay. That should be fine.’ Aunt Linda said after a moment and I let out a relieved breath. Thank god! ‘So long as you come with me to one of my work functions on Sunday.’
I blinked. ‘What? You want me to go to work with you?’
Aunt Linda was a campaign manager and barely ever talked about her work with me, so I couldn’t imagine a reason why she’d want me around.
‘It’s not really work, just a meet and greet. Getting to know some of my clients’ supporters and their families.’ She reaffixed her smile. ‘It’ll be a good opportunity for you to get to know some people who’ll be a very big help to us in the future.’
‘To us?’
‘Yes. I’m your manager, after all. What helps you helps me.’ She kissed me on the forehead. ‘You’ll go with me to the function?'
‘I guess…’
‘Good girl!’ she squeezed my shoulders one last time and went to the doorway. ‘you’ve got some big days ahead of you, but I promise you’ll enjoy them. Goodnight sweetie.’
‘G-goodnight.’ I said awkwardly as she turned off the bedroom lights and left.
I put my pyjamas back on and fell backwards onto my bed, reeling from everything she’d just said. I think…
I think I was starting to understand…
To be continued
Thankyou so much for reading! I appreciate it a lot.
Also, I have a question. You've probably noticed that I go into a lot of detail when describing different areas, like the bathroom, Jake's bedroom, the apartment and the like. I was wondering if I maybe go into too much detail? I'm worried it drags the flow of the story down a bit. I really like to describe what I see in my head, so that you can almost feel it and see it more clearly, especially when the characters are having conversations, but I don't want people to get put off or bored by the descriptions and not even get to the conversations and stuff. Thanks!
Also, I used a few names (2) from my other stories, because I really like those names! There's no connection to them though...
Synopsis
Jake finally figures out what Linda had been doing to his body, and comes up with a solution that he thinks will make everything okay again.
After Aunt Linda left I stared up into the darkness as a cold numbness encompassed my body, starting in my stomach and then creeping upwards to wrap itself around my heart. My thoughts were screaming around in my head as I tried to comprehend everything she’d just said, and for the first time in my life I finally began to understand what was happening to me. The truth was staring me in the face and it wasn’t going to let me ignore it anymore.
Aunt Linda was going to force me to be a girl, even though she knew I didn’t want to be one. She was going to make me go to singing and dance lessons dressed as girl so I could be a “special” star, and on top of that she was going to send me to the gym and control what I ate as well. As far as I could tell she was planning on controlling nearly every single aspect of my life, from my body and my social interactions to even what skills I learnt. I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled me out of school soon, or moved me to an all-girls one. She was…insane. She was actually insane!
And she’d been planning on doing this to me for a very long time, maybe even before she became my legal guardian. She’d even said as much on numerous occasions…
…you, my cute little baby girl, are going to become a star. Just like I’ve always wanted.
Which…meant that…
If she’d always been planning on doing this to me …and the only reason that she was putting her plans into action now was because my body was female except for my genitals…then…then…
I whimpered and buried my head into Julia’s softness as I finally accepted the truth, my hands shaking with a mixture of rage and despair.
She was turning me into a girl!
The medication she was giving me wasn’t stopping me from turning into a girl, it was turning me into a girl. This wasn’t natural, I didn’t have some weird body abnormality, and I didn’t have a frigging chest infection either! The lumps on my chest were…they were breasts!
I shivered and twisted about on the bed, feeling sick to my stomach. How could I have been so stupid!?
Because I’d trusted her! She was only person in my life besides mum with whom I’d ever been close to! She fed me, sent me to school, gave me allowance, bought me platypus-themed presents and let me live with her even though mum was supposed to have come and taken me back home years ago. For the past seven years she’d been my mum! And I loved her, kind of. Or, well, I didn’t hate her! She could be scary and violent at times but I’d always believed that she had my best interests at heart. I’d never believed that she’d hurt me on purpose! That was supposed to be impossible! She wasn’t supposed to do this to me!
‘Wait. Wait.’ I gasped and pushed myself up onto a kneeling position, clutching Julia in my shaking hands. ‘Maybe I’m wrong! I-I don’t know anything about bodies and stuff! Maybe I really do have some weird body thing and it’s j-just a coincidence that Aunt Linda’s been planning on...planning…n-no! No! Fuck!’
My body flinched violently and I threw Julia across the room in a fit of rage, my heart hammering inside of my chest. I wasn’t wrong! It was impossible for all of this to be random chance, for my body to start feminising while Aunt Linda was looking after me, when she’d always wanted to turn me into some kind of female star. She was doing this to me…
‘She’s insane.’ I said weakly, crawling off the bed and staring at the light coming under my door. She was out there, probably watching TV in the living room or working on her laptop with a cup of coffee at the dining room table. I went over to the door and leant against it, my breathing coming out in short, ragged spurts.
What the fuck was I supposed to do!? If I went out there and confronted her then she’d either deny it and call me paranoid, or actually admit it and tell me that it was for my own good. Either way, she’d know that I knew what she was doing and I couldn’t imagine that would end well for me. I was almost one hundred percent sure that what she was doing was illegal. She was changing my body without telling me, without my permission. That had to be against the law, and if she knew I’d figured it out then she’d definitely take steps to make sure that I didn’t tell anyone. I couldn’t even imagine what they’d be, but I was sure that they’d involve a lot of pain.
So I wouldn’t tell her that I knew. But I had to do something! I didn’t want to be turned into a girl! If she kept doing this then I’d…
I’d grow up as a girl, and start looking more and more like mum. My body would fill out with curves like hers and I’d become taller and more elegant, more beautiful…I’d be beautiful, just like her…just like in those pictures Lilah had shown me.
I shivered and hugged myself, shying away from those kinds of thoughts and the horribly warm feeling they brought with them. I was a boy! I didn’t want to look like mum! I wanted to look like myself! Like a normal thirteen year old boy. I was never going to be a girl no matter how much I looked like one so it was pointless to think about it! It was gross! I was being pathetic and disgusting! I was a boy and I’d never be a girl! Aunt Linda was fucking me around and trying to turn me into a girl when it was impossible! She was disgusting! She was fucked in the head!
‘I’m a boy!’ I moaned as tears fell from my eyes. ‘I can’t be a girl, I was born a boy and I’m a boy! It’s impossible. And…and even if it’s not I don’t want it to be like this! I want to be with mum, I…I wanted to be her daughter, not her messed up transsexual son thing! Not Aunt Linda’s…whatever the fuck I am! Her Lain. Lain! What the fu-’
A sob cut me off and I collapsed onto the ground, my emotions becoming too tangled and confused to hold back anymore. I fought off a scream and punched the carpet as hard as I could, unable to contain myself any longer. Pain tore through my arm but I ignored it and punched the ground again and again and again, lost in a fit of rage. All I could think about was how much I hated Aunt Linda and how much I hated my body. It was disgusting…Aunt L-no! She wasn’t my Aunt! It was insulting even calling her that! She was Linda! Some horrible woman who had lied to me and disfigured my body for her own amusement! She was disgusting! I hated her so much…so much…so much…so much…SO MUCH!
My body finally gaze out and I fell onto my stomach, then curled up into a ball and wept uncontrollably. I couldn’t think clearly anymore, everything was too messy and unfocused, too real and painful to deal with. It was just easier to cry and let everything out, even though mum wasn’t here anymore to comfort me. I…I...oh my god!
Wait!
I stopped crying as a beautiful, shining thought occurred to me, drowning out the torrent of misery swirling around in my head.
Mum! She’d save me! Linda was breaking the law and if I told mum then she’d come home and save me! There was no way she could ignore this, it was too serious! This was a way better reason for her to come home than me just joining a modelling competition!
I hiccupped and pushed myself back up onto my knees, wincing at the pain this sent through my bruised arms. My breathing began to steady as I wrapped my thoughts around the shining hope that I’d just discovered, and a beautiful patch of non-confusing warmness appeared in my stomach. My thoughts cleared as if the sun had ripped through a stormy night and standing there in the center, illuminated as if sent by a god, was the answer to all of my problems. All of them!
I finally knew what I had to do.
I’d email mum about this. I was going to the library anyway so I didn’t even have to do anything different! I’d tell her everything that was going on and she’d contact the police and they’d make Linda stop giving me medication, and then mum would come home and save me! She’d take me away from here and we’d go back to our old home, or maybe even to America, to the house that she lived in now. I’d never see Linda again! And my body would go back to being a boys and everything would be okay! I’d go to a new school and easily make friends because I’d actually look like a boy and mum and I would be as close as ever!
All I needed to do was email her and then wait for her to make everything okay.
‘Everything’s going to be okay.’ I said softly and climbed back up onto my bed. I reached out to hug Julia but remembered that I’d thrown her away, and it was far too dark for me to find her again. I squeaked sadly and instead hugged one of my little kittens, then rolled onto my back and smiled weakly up into the darkness.
Once I emailed mum tomorrow I could relax. She would see the email and fix everything. By this time next week I’d probably be living with her! It was going to be amazing!
Finally...
Everything was going to go back to the way it should have been, before mum left. Everything was going to be perfect.
Note
Thankyou for reading! I understand this should have probably been added to the end of the last chapter but I felt like it should have its own one for the moment. I'll perform story surgery in the future to make sure it all flows better and so that there's no scarring, don't worry! ^_^
I'm a surgeon! Trust me o.O Pugu pugu! :<
Synopsis: Jake wakes up after realizing what Linda is doing to him and prepares to enjoy what could possibly be his last day outside for a while.
Note: This story is planned to go on for quite a while, although it will be segmented into separate parts at each major junction. The plan's for about ten-ish chapters for this part, with Jake/Linda/Lilah and another character coming up being the focus, and is pretty much an introduction setting up the important characters and fleshing out Jake and the world around him. The next part will be longer and expand upon everything introduced and mentioned in the first part, but this part is smaller and more focused on Jake.
Thanks for reading :)
Mum was sitting on the edge of my bed, a look of horror etched on her face as she cradled the…thing…in her arms. I whimpered and staggered towards her, ignoring the paid ripping through my lower half. I needed to help her, needed to make her feel better somehow. It wasn’t my fault bu-
‘Get the fuck away from me!’ mum shrieked and kicked me in the chest, hard enough to throw me back onto the ground. I shrieked and rolled around in agony as the familiar taste of blood consumed my mouth and made me gag.
‘Jesus! Calm down, Elaine!’ Linda cried as she knelt down to wrap me up in a hug, tears falling down her face. ‘You need to come downstairs and see the paramedics. Jake needs to be looked a be-’
‘I’m not leaving her!’
Linda’s lips trembled and she struggled to speak. ‘She’s…Elaine, she-’
‘Don’t you fucking say it!’ Mum screamed and hugged the thing tighter to her. ‘She’s not dead! She’s going to wake up and smile at me again! Look! LOOK!’
The thing’s head lolled lifelessly in mums arms as she shook it, and empty eyes stared at me from a shroud of brown hair. I…knew that face.
Ada?
Ada tried to save me…
Ada?
ADA!
WAKE UP!
‘I’m up!’ I gasped and jerked awake, staring blearily around my room. It felt like someone had just screamed in my ear to wake up but to my surprise there wasn’t anybody in my room. The tendrils of some horrible dream were fading from my mind and I pushed myself to my knees, feeling really uncomfortably for some reason. What had I-
I gasped as someone knocked sharply on my bedroom door, and it creaked open slightly to let in a bright stream of natural light.
‘Sweetie? It’s time to wake up, it’s almost twelve.’ Linda’s voice floated into the room and she pushed the door all the way open, then turned on my bedroom lights. ‘Are you awake?’
I started blankly at Linda in a doorway, for a moment confused by the surge of hatred that rose up inside of me. Then memories from the other night flooded through me and I snarled, every fiber of my being aching to jump off the bed and start screaming at the monster standing in the doorway. I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stay calm, but angry thoughts thrashed about inside my head and threatened to escape. I hated her so much!
But I had to stay calm! I needed to email mum and tell her what was going on so she could save me, and the only way I could do that was by going to the library and emailing her. If Linda figured out that I’d realised what she’d been doing then she’d never let me leave the house again, or at least not by myself. And there was nothing in here that I could use to contact mum. I didn’t have a computer and Linda’s laptop and phone were both password-protected. I could try and call mum on the landline but I was almost one hundred percent sure that the number I had for her was outdated, considering that she hadn’t returned my calls in years.
…I could call the police though. Would Linda locking me up and refusing to let me leave the house be enough of a reason for them to come and arrest her? Especially if I told them that she was messing with my body as well? Would they-
‘Jake? Are you okay?’ Linda asked, making me jump slightly. The sound of her voice sent ripples of fury through me, but I was slightly relieved that she wasn’t calling me Lain yet.
‘I’m fine.’ I said as casually as possible, hoping that none of the anger I was feeling slipped into my voice. I kept my head bowed though so Linda couldn’t see my face, in case my expression somehow gave myself away. ‘I j-just feel a bit sick.’
‘Owh! Is it your stomach?’ she asked and I felt the side of the bed depress as she sat down. ‘You haven’t eaten in a while, have you?’
‘No.’ I didn’t feel like telling her about the pizza I had yesterday. ‘But I’ll grab something on my way to the library, it’ll be okay. I-I really need to get dressed so…so…could-’
‘I don’t want you going out if you’re sick.’ Linda said and I flinched away as she began to place her hand against my forehead. ‘Hey! Don’t look away. Let me see you.’
I swallowed and finally looked up at her, trying to make my expression look as natural as possible. She was dressed very formally, with a soft grey shirt underneath a black fitted coat and a matching skirt. Her brown hair had been straightened and she’d put on her best make-up, making her look slightly kinder than normal. She was wearing my favourite perfume of hers too, one that had a soft, slightly sweet fragrance that reminded me slightly of cotton candy and roses.
‘Are you going out today?’ I asked as she put her palm against my forehead, hoping that if I talked I’d be able to disguise my anger.
‘Yes, I am.’ she said and smiled warmly. ‘I’m going to be getting you some new clothes and accessories today, sweetie. I want you to look perfect for when you meet my colleagues tomorrow.’
‘Oh…’ I’d completely forgotten about agreeing to go to her work thing tomorrow. My stomach churned uneasily as I thought about what kind of clothes she’d be getting me. Girls clothes, no doubt. Shit. ‘Am I going to have to go to that as a girl?’
‘Yes.’ she said and put a finger over my mouth as I began to protest. ‘Don’t. I know you’re probably a bit overwhelmed from yesterday but I’ll explain everything properly tonight, once you’re dressed more…appropriately.’
‘More appropriately?’ I asked uncomfortably and she smiled.
‘Yes.’ she said softly and took her hand off my forehead. ‘Hmmm. It doesn’t look like you’re sick so I think you should be okay to go out. I’ll give you a lift to the library though, and I want you to catch the bus home.’
A bolt of panic shot through me. If she dropped me off at the library and Lilah was there she might speak to her and find out that we weren’t actually studying, and get angry at me for lying and drive me right back home. Shit! I needed us to leave now then, so we got there early before Lilah showed up.
‘We should get going then, so I’m not late!’ I said quickly and jumped off the bed.
‘After you shower.’ Linda said as she got up and I frowned at her.
‘What? I had a shower last night!’
‘Yes, but you’re all sweaty and gross.’
‘I am?’ I gasped, blushing despite my anger. I did feel a bit yucky, probably because I hadn’t slept very well. I remembered tossing and turning under my covers and sweating a lot. Urgh! I didn’t want to be sweaty and gross! ‘D-do I smell?’
‘A little bit.’ she said and her lips twitched at my horrified expression. ‘By the way, did you use my shampoo and conditioner last night? Your hair smells like mine.’
‘Oh yeah.’ I’d completely forgotten about that. Everything that had happened before Linda forced me to be naked seemed so long ago…
I put my hands in my hair and suppressed a small smile as I felt how silky it was. It felt so nice! It was a bit stiff and messy from how I’d slept though, and there were heaps of knots in it. It felt miles nicer than it’d ever felt before though, and I really liked it. I wanted to brush out the knots and wash it again, to see how it would feel then.
Would it feel like mums hair?
‘I didn’t think you cared about your hair.’ Linda asked as I felt my hair, a curious smile on her red lips.
‘I was just curious.’ I said honestly. ‘Umm…would it be okay if used your shampoo and stuff again today?’
‘Of course!’ Her eyes lit up and she grabbed one of my shoulders. I gasped and tensed up, scared that she was going to throw me against a wall or something, but she just gently ran a hand through my hair. ‘I was going to wash your hair tonight anyway, but if you’re going to do it now then that’ll speed things up a bit. You should use my body wash too.’
‘Body wash?’ I asked, my body relaxing now that I knew she wasn’t going to hurt me.
‘The pink bottle with strawberries on it. Make sure to use my body sponge to put it on though.’
‘Body sponge?’ A sponge in the shape of a body? What did I need something like that for?
‘It’s the white foam circle with strings on it. You should know it when you see it.’
‘Oh! The thing under the sink that you use to clean the kitchen floor? ’
‘What? No, of course not! Why would…’ Her expression fell slightly and she patted me gently on the head, sighing heavily. ‘You know what? Don’t worry about it. I’ll go through it with you tonight. Just wash your hair.’
‘Okay!’ I said in relief and rushed out of my room before she could say anything else, wanting the conversation to be over. I didn’t know what she was planning on doing to me tonight and I didn’t really want to find out, knowing that it’d only make me angrier. It didn’t matter anyway, because once I emailed mum I was going to let her know that I knew exactly what she was doing to me, and fight her off if she tried to put girls clothes on me or give me my medication. I refused to become any more feminine than I already was.
Except for my hair. I…needed to see what it would feel like washed and brushed properly. And I had to dress as a girl today bu-
Wait a minute! I didn’t need to do that anymore, did I? Linda turning me into a girl was more than enough reason for mum to come home, I didn’t need to join the modelling competition to get her attention anymore. Hah!
It felt like a small weight had been lifted off of my chest as I realised that, and I bounced up the stairs and into the bathroom with a small smile. I could just email mum and then spend the rest of the day relaxing in the library, or looking for new Pristine figurines and find something yummy to eat. It might be the last time I got to go outside by myself for a while, so I should try and enjoy myself…
I reached the bathroom and my smile faded as I remembered what had happened here last night. I’d never worried about locking the door before but I did so now, terrified of Linda coming in and “inspecting” me again. I threw off all my clothes and cleaned myself as fast as I could, then carefully washed my hair to make sure that every part of it soaked up the shampoo. Once I was satisfied that I’d washed every section of hair thoroughly I jumped out of the shower and dried myself off, making sure to be more gentle with my hair than I normally would have been. I smiled at how smooth it was and thought about bruising it, but decided that there wasn’t enough time. It’d take a while for me to be able to remove all of the knots and without my contacts or glasses I wouldn’t even be able to see the finished result. Besides, I wasn’t going to do the modelling thing anymore so there was no reason why my hair needed to be well-kept for today. I’d just do it tonight.
I wrapped my towel around myself and ran back to my room, relieved to see that Linda was sitting in the living room with her back to my room. My door didn’t have a lock on it so I made sure to get dressed as quickly as possible, deciding on a loose white shirt and jeans. Once they were on I carefully put in my contacts and immediately saw poor Julia lying on her back under my desk.
‘Ohh…’ I said sadly and picked her up, checking her small brown body in case I’d somehow damaged her. ‘I’m so sorry Julia! I didn’t mean to throw you, I was just upset. Can you forgive me?’
She looked at me accusingly so I gave her a huge hug, which made her look a bit happier. I kissed her on the squishy forehead and then went to place her back in her usual spot on my bed, but stopped myself. Julia always made me feel better and right now I could use her calming cuteness, so I went over to my brown cross-body bag and slipped her inside of it. The bag was big enough that she was completely hidden inside, and she looked absolutely adorable looking up at me from the darkness, like an actual wild platypus hiding in a hole.
‘You’re so cute!’ I giggled and kissed her on the head again. ‘I need a lot of luck today, so you gotta help me out, okay?’
Julia nodded in affirmation and I closed the bag over her, and then slipped it over shoulder. The straps were long enough that it comfortably rested against my hip, and it was made out of a soft cotton-like material that didn’t dig into my sensitive skin.
Speaking of sensitive, my chest was starting to become irritable again. It hadn’t itched at all during the night and when I’d woken up, probably because my pyjama top was quite soft, but now that I was wearing a heavier fabric it was playing up again. I went to scratch at the lumps and then stopped myself, an odd feeling scratching down my spine.
They weren’t lumps, they were breasts.
I swallowed and put my hand back down, not feeling comfortable touching them anymore. They weren’t just weird skin infection lumps anymore, they were breasts, part of the female anatomy, and I didn’t want anything to do with them. They shouldn’t be on me and I…I didn’t like them…right?
The frustrating warmth grew inside of me again and I shivered slightly. I was born a boy but I looked like a girl, and I had breasts like one. If I had that surgery transsexuals had then nobody would be able to tell that I was a boy, or had ever been one.
A shaky breath escaped me as I imagined that, and the warmth grew so hot that it almost started to hurt. I could actually look like a girl, even while naked. Instead of being a boy who just looked like a girl, I’d actually be a gi-
No! I wouldn’t be a girl! I was still born a boy! It didn’t matter if I looked like a girl, I wasn’t one! I’d never be one, no matter what I did! Why did I keep thinking about this, feeling like this?
I flinched and then clutched at my chest as a deep pain started growing alongside with warmth burning through my stomach. Tears fell from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away, feeling shaky and scared. What was happening to me? I hated feeling like this! It hurt so much, worse than anything else I’d felt before! Why was I feeling like this? What was going on? I didn’t want to be a girl! I was just confused because I looked like one! It was the medications fault, and Linda’s! They were making me feel like this, it wasn’t me! I was a boy and I was h-h…ha…happ…
No…I was really depressed…I’d always been depressed…
Nothing good had ever happened to me as a boy. I’d always felt lonely and I’d never made any friends. All I did was hid myself away in my room and collected stupid animal fi-
‘Shut up!’ I shouted and slammed my fist into my stomach, then squealed in pain and fell to my knees, gasping for breath. ‘I don’t want to be a girl! Fuck off! I’m happy! I’m happy! I’m so fucking happy! So fuck off! I hate you!’
I coughed and massaged my aching stomach, feeling like I was about to throw up. Oh god…why had I punched myself? I hadn’t even thought about it, I’d just done it before I could even stop myself. I’d been so scared…
But the warmth was gone now. There was just pain, and that was okay! I was fine with pain. I could deal with pain. Pain on the outside, anyway. I had no idea how to deal with the pain on the inside, and it was starting to get really bad.
I needed to stop taking the medication no matter how badly Linda tried to make me take it. It had to be what was doing this to me, changing my mind as well as my body. I’d look it up in the library, try and see if I could figure out what she was giving me. Maybe I could ask Lilah about it as well, she might know something about transsexuals and they probably took the same stuff that Linda was giving me.
And even if Lilah couldn’t help me, I should still talk to her. To tell her I wasn’t going to do the modelling competition and apologize. Maybe we could have lunch again and talk about…stuff. My mum and her ex-girlfriend and stuff, I don’t know. Anything.
I just….really needed someone sane to talk to right now.
To be continued
Thankyou for reading! All comments and feedback are appreciated!
Synopsis: Jake attempts to contact his mum but meets Lilah, who, in the process of asking Jake about his mum, brings back some unwanted memories
Once I’d properly calmed down I left my room and told Linda that I was ready to go, so she grabbed her keys and together we left the apartment. Her car was in the parking garage on the very bottom floor so we took the elevator down alone, being the only residents who were apparently around at the moment.
The walk to the car was horrible, as none of us spoke and I got the feeling that Linda knew that I was lying about going to the library to work on a school project. I kept expecting her to ask me about it, or about the “friend” that I was meeting to work on it with, but she didn’t. She was just silent, occasionally glancing down at me to smile warmly or pat me on the head, but never to say anything.
I wasn’t actually sure if this was normal for her or not though, as we very rarely left the apartment together. I’d always gone to and from school by myself and on weekends and holidays I just stayed in my room, occasionally leaving to hunt down Pristine figurines or new animal documentaries. She spent pretty much all of her time working, either at her office in the city or organising some event for one of her clients, and was only really home on the weekends. Even then she was working, either on her laptop or calling up people and taking down notes. The few times she was actually free she tended to close herself off in her room or go out with friends.
We never went out to eat, or to see a movie, or to go shopping or anything. The only times we were really together was for dinner sometimes, and we barely spoke. She’d ask me how school was and I’d lie and say everything was fine, and I’d ask her how work was and she’d say that it was going good, and that was it.
As I followed her out of the elevator and into the dark cement parking garage, something occurred to me. I’d been living with Linda for seven years now but I knew next to nothing about her. I knew that she worked as a political campaign manager and had been mums best friend, but not much else beyond that. What were her hopes and dreams? Who were her friends? Did she have anyone she was in love with? What was her favourite TV show? What had school been like for her? What did she do for fun? What was her family like? Why didn’t she ever talk about them?
She never shared anything about herself with me. I could tell from living with her though that she was a person who liked things to be neat, organised and under her control. If she told me to do something she expected me to do it and didn’t feel the need to explain why. She was sometimes kind, like when she’d bought me Julia and comforted me when mum had first left. But she could also be cold and cruel, such as how she’d been last night. Most of the time though she was just distant, barely paying me any attention except to acknowledge that I was there and tell me to do something.
We reached her car, a red SUV, and she opened the passenger door for me to crawl inside. It’d been years since I was last in here but everything was pretty much the same as I remembered it. The water bottles in the cup holder, the kitten air freshener hanging from the centre mirror, stacks of old rock CD’s underneath the stereo, work folders littering the backseat and some spare coats in case the weather got to cold. It even smelt the same, a mixture of Linda’s favourite peach-scented perfume and fresh coffee.
I squished around on the leather seat until I was comfortable and then tried to pull the seatbelt down over me, but it kept jarring and refused to come down.
‘Ah! What the hell!’ I growled and tugged angrily at it, then looked at Linda as she closed the driver side door. ‘This thing isn’t working!’
‘Here.’ She leant over and slowly pulled the seatbelt down, then clicked it into place. ‘You have to pull it slowly, remember? Otherwise it just locks up.’
‘I was pulling it slowly.’ I grumbled and then winced as I looked down at myself. The seatbelt’s strap was tight enough that the shapes of my breasts were painfully visible through my shirts fabric. I squirmed around on the seat and tried to put the seatbelt in a position where it didn’t emphasis my chest but I couldn’t find one, and finally gave up with an angry growl.
‘Screw it.’ I muttered and leant back on the seat, my head staring up at the grey ceiling. There was nothing I could do about my chest and right now wasn’t the time to be worrying about it. I did panic for a moment when I wondered if my breasts were visible even without the seatbelt squashed up against my chest, but I shivered and quickly shoved that thought away. It was…scary.
Linda started the car and we slowly exited the parking garage, leaving its damp, dark interior for the city’s far brighter exterior. It wasn’t too bright though, as Winter was fast approaching and the sky was blotted with dark clouds that looked like they were ready to burst. They better not though! I was only wearing a shirt and due to my frail body I got sick very easily. The last thing I needed now was to get the flu. Urgh…
I looked out the window at the passing grey buildings and realised that it was my birthday I six days. The first day of June…the first day of Winter. I was going to be fourteen.
Yay.
Hopefully I’d be living with mum by then. Or at least away from Linda.
It took less than five minutes to get to the library, and the trip there was just as quiet as the trip to the car. Linda muttered to herself once when a car tried to run a yellow light and almost scraped against us, but beyond that she was silent. It was making me incredibly anxious and as soon as she parked outside the library I immediately began taking off my seatbelt.
The library was a three-storey tall blue building with two large black wooden doors at the front, and while it was overshadowed by the mall next to it there were still quite a few people inside. The front wall was made out of glass and I could see people moving inside, sitting at the study desks or going through the aisles of books. I didn’t see Lilah anywhere, much to my relief.
‘Thanks for the lift.’ I smiled quickly at Linda and then opened the door. ‘I’ll be home in a couple of hours.’
‘Remember to take the bus home.’ She said as I got out of the car. ‘And try to stay warm, okay? I don’t want you getting sick.’
‘I’ll be okay.’ I said and began closing the door. ‘See you later.’
‘Bye sweetie.’ she said with a smile that reached her blue eyes. ‘Have fun today, okay?’
‘I will!’ I nodded and closed the door, then watched as Linda slowly drove back into the traffic and disappeared in the sea of cars.
Relief exploded through me and a savage grin lit up my face. I’d done it! I’d managed to act like everything was fine and made it to the library! Hah! Screw you Linda, you asshole! I was about to email mum and tell her everything you’d done to me, and when she read it then you were screwed! She was going to destroy you! You were probably going to end up in jail or fined or something equally as bad!
I laughed excitedly and rushed to the library entrance, slipping through one of the doors after a young couple exited it. It was freezing outside, but as soon as I entered the interior warmth embraced me and the pleasant buzz of people talking softly lit up my ears. The help desk was just in front of me and an elderly man was standing behind it. To my right were a few comfortable-looking green couches with a few people sitting on them and reading books, and beyond that was the main section of the library, with the study booths alongside the windowed wall and the long rows of books opposite it. The whole area was large and spacious, so that even though there were probably thirty-odd people milling around it still didn’t look crowded.
To the left was a table with a bunch of pamphlets on it and some posters about various events being held at the library in the coming few weeks. I ignored that though and began to walk up to the help desk. The elderly man smiled as I approached and I smiled back, preparing myself to talk to him. There were a lot of computers on the second floor for people to use, but you needed to get permission from the staff to use them. I wasn’t too wo-
‘Jake!’
I jumped in shock and turned to see Lilah rushing over to me from one of the study blocks, dressed in a long-sleeved red shirt and tight black jeans. Her hair was held back in a tight ponytail and her face was surprisingly pale, completely free of makeup. A few people looked at her in surprise as she rushed past but she ignored them and stopped in front of me with a massive grin.
‘You actually came!’ she said and smiled widely. ‘Holy crap. I was half-expecting you not to come.’
‘Yeah…’ I said uncomfortably, not sure how to tell her that I wasn’t going to do the shoot with her anymore. It was probably better to tell her right away, but…I wasn’t a strong person. ‘H-how are you?’
‘I’m good. Really good!’ she looked down at me and her eyes widened. ‘Oh my god. You look almost exactly like your mum now, without those stupid glasses on. Did you wash your hair? Can I touch it?’ I began to say no but she put her hand through the side of my hair before I could even open my mouth. ‘Whoa! It’s so silky! I-’
‘Ow!’ I yelped as she ripped through a tight knot, then turned red as a boy around our age frowned at me from one of the study booths.
‘Huh? You didn’t brush it?’ Lilah asked and pulled her hand away. ‘Well, no biggie. Erin’ll take care of it.’
‘Who?’
‘Oh! She’s my friend, she’s going to be doing our make-up and taking our pictures.’ Lilah put her hands on her hips and looked me over. ‘She’s going to love you. She has a thing for…for…’
‘For what?’ I asked uncomfortably as her eyes flitted away from my chest, and her cheeks reddened slightly.
‘Well, she’s a lesbian too, and…you know.’
‘I’m not a girl.’ I said flatly.
‘I know! That’s why she’ll love you.’ Lilah smirked.
‘What?’ I asked and she looked at me, her eyes shining. She clearly wanted to say something but after a moment she shook her head and sighed.
‘Nothing. I was gonna ask y-but no. Nevermind.’
I was curious about that but there were more important things to think about right now, like emailing mum. The sooner I did that the sooner I could properly relax and figure out what to do about Lilah and the shoot. ‘Umm…I need to use one of the computers here, so I’m just going to talk to tha-’
‘Oh, here!’ She reached into her bag and pulled out a slim silver laptop. ‘You can use this! I charged it before I left and it’s already synched up with the wifi here if you need to use the internet.’
‘Is that okay?’ Using her laptop would be much easier than using one of the library’s computers, but I was worried about her seeing the message that I was going to send to mum.
‘Yeah! What do you need it for?’ she asked, sitting down on one of the couches and opening up the laptop.
‘I just have to email someone.’ I sat down next to her and looked around at the other couches. There was a mother with a baby sitting to our left, reading a cute little book about farm animals, and to our right was a bony young man staring lazily around the area, his hair cut close to his gaunt skull. His eyes met mine and a strangely smug smile appeared on his face, making me quickly look away. I didn’t want him to think I wanted his attention.
‘Who do you need to email?’ Lilah asked as she turned on her laptop. Her background showed a girl with red hair that I’d never seen before, and Lilah glared at it before opening up an internet browser.
‘Nobody important. Just a friend.’ I lied as she put the laptop down on my lap. I didn’t want to mention that I was emailing mum, as I knew she’d get excited about it and ask me a ton of questions. ‘Thankyou!’
‘No problem.’ she smiled and looked at me in silence for a moment before speaking eagerly. ‘So, can I ask you something? About your mum?’
I started guiltily. Crap. ‘Oh, s-sure. What do you want to know?
‘How old is she?’ she asked, her eyes digging into mine. ‘She says that she’s only twenty-four but there’s no way that’s true, right? Because you’re fourteen, aren’t you? Same as me?’
‘I turn fourteen in a few days.’ I said as I went to my email host and began to log in. ‘But yeah, mum’s twenty-four. She had me and my sister when she was ten.’
‘What? You have a sister?’ Lilah gasped.
‘Yeah…’ I said slowly, looking up and frowning as a small bout of light-headedness ran through me. I rubbed my forehead and grunted softly, feeling annoyed for some reason. ‘She lives with my grandparents though so I haven’t seen her since mum left.’
‘Oh.’ Lilah said and leant back on the couch, then immediately leant forward again. ‘Wait, so who’s your dad then? Was he ten years old too when you were born?’
‘No, he was like thirty or something.’ I said and a cold shiver ran through me. I really didn’t want to be talking about this.
‘Thir-what?’ Lilah said and her voice fell. ‘Oh. Oh my god.’
‘Yeah.’ I swallowed, tapping my hand against the side of the laptop. I was feeling more annoyed by the second and my chest was starting to hurt for some reason.
‘Shit.’ Lilah said quietly and ran a hand through her hair. ‘No wonder your mum never talks about you or your sister then.’
My head snapped around to stare intently at her, a freezing hand clutching at my stomach. ‘What?’
‘W-well, you know…’ she said and shifted about awkwardly on the couch, her blue eyes darting around the room.
Because you’re his son! Why do you think?
I flinched as mum’s voice echoed in my memory and stared desperately at Lilah. ‘I don’t know! What do you mean?’
‘Nothing. Don’t worry about it.’
‘No. Tell me!’ I grabbed her hand, something inside me desperate to hear what she’d meant. An old memory was clawing at the back of my mind and trying to get my attention, but I couldn’t focus on it properly. It kept slipping away when I tried to look at it.
Lilah looked at my hand on hers and then shrugged weakly, looking extremely uncomfortably. ‘Well, because…she was raped, right? And you and your sister are…are…because of that.’
‘So?’
She gritted her teeth and looked down at her lap, her hand tensing in mine. ‘Aww shit! Okay…so, if I was raped and got pregnant then I wouldn’t want to keep the kids. I don’t know if I’d be able to get an abortion but I’d definitely put them up for adoption! Having them around would just be a constant reminder of what happened to me and I couldn’t deal with that. I mean like, I might keep a girl but probably not a boy. I know that sounds super bad! But I’d be scared of him growing up and looking like his dad, you know? I’d be constantly reminded…’
My vision blurred and Lilah’s words were drowned out by a sharp siren that dug down into the deepest parts of my mind and ripped out a pile of memories that vomited all over me.
I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t! I look at him and I see his dad staring back at me with his fucked up eyes! They’ve got the same dead eyes and sick mind! He’s going to be just like him when he grows up!
You can look after him! I don’t want to see him anymore. Fuck it! Now that Ada’s g-gone I don’t have any reason to stay here.
I need to start over and I’m not going to fuck over my future just for his son! Fuck that! Fuck him!
Don’t touch me!
Stop looking at me like that!
Get the fuck away from me!
A sharp pain exploded in my chest and a high-pitched gasp ripped itself out of my mouth. I shook my head as dark tendrils began to creep into my vision and I clutched at my head. ‘No! No no no no no no no. That’s not real! She loves me! You’re lying!’
‘What?’ Lilah asked and I grabbed her hand with my other one and stared up at her, my eyes starting to tear.
‘Mum loves me!’ I cried and squeezed her arm. ‘She doesn’t hate me! Why would you say that?’
‘Huh? I didn’t say that!’ Lilah said, her eyes wide. ‘Why do yo-’
‘It’s not true!’ I snapped and tugged on her arm, my hands shaking. ‘She loves me, right? She has to come and save me!’
‘O-okay.’ Lilah stammered pulled her arm out of my grasp, then gasped as I sobbed and started to cry. ‘Whoa! Hey, don’t cry! It’s okay!’
‘She doesn’t hate me, does she?’ I asked desperately, angrily wiping my eyes. ‘I didn’t do anything to her!’
‘Of course she doesn’t hate you.’ Lilah said comfortingly and grabbed my hands. ‘You said she emails you sometimes, yeah? And she calls you? She wouldn’t do that if she hated you!’
‘But she’s stopped calling me and she barely ever emails me!’
‘That’s because she’s super busy!’ Lilah smiled and squeezed my hands. ‘She probably wants to contact you but doesn’t have the time. Being a model is really time-intensive, you know? She has to keep her body in shape and keep making network connections, as well as all of the shoots she has to be in! I bet she’d definitely contact you more if she could!’
‘R-really?’ I asked as my voice broke, and Lilah nodded. ‘But she said she’d come back home years ago but she hasn’t!’
‘I bet that was because she didn’t have enough money to be able to support you.’ Lilah said knowingly. ‘All of her contacts are in America so if she moved back here she it wouldn’t be as easy for her to get work. She’s probably saving up a ton of money so she can come back and look after you without having to worry about work and stuff!’
‘That…that makes sense.’ I sniffed.
‘It does. You know, I bet she’d love to talk to you more but she just can’t.’
She smiled encouragingly and I smiled weakly back, the pain in my chest lessening somewhat. Lilah knew way more about mum than I did right now, so if she said she wanted to talk to me then that had to be true! Those memories were just…wrong, or s-
No! No! They weren’t memories! Mum would never say such horrible things to me! Those were nightmares, bad dreams that I was remembering for some reason. Sometimes I thought that she hated me because she’d left and hadn’t come back , and I’d probably had a lot of nightmares about it when I was younger. But they weren’t true! Mum loved me. Of course she did! She was my mum!
I was just thinking weird things because I was under so much stress from Linda. And once I emailed her then she’d come and save me and everything would be okay again! Yeah!
Ugh, what had I been thinking? Mum didn’t hate me! What a stupid thing to be thinking.
Lilah squeezed my hands again and pulled out a small packet of tissues from her pocket, then handed one to me. I gratefully took it from her and blew my nose, the worst parts of my despair fading away.
‘I-I’m sorry.’ I said miserably as embarrassment settled over the other emotions I’d been feeling.
‘Don’t be!’ Lilah said and gave me another tissue as I wiped my face clan with the first one. ‘I can completely understand why talking about…that stuff…would upset you so much. Especially with your mum being in another country for so long!’
‘Yeah…’ I swallowed and blew my nose, then impulsively leant over and hugged her in a wave of affection. I was too numb to feel anything other than comfort from her warmth, but that was completely fine with me. ‘I’m sorry! Thank you!’
‘It’s okay!’ Lilah said and hugged me back, shifting her legs so that the laptop didn’t fall onto the ground. She rubbed my back for a moment and then leant away, her eyes soft and kind. ‘We don’t have much time though, it’s nearly twelve thirty. Are you okay to finish your email and then go to the modelling studio?’
‘Y-yeah.’ I said, unable to say no to the shoot now, not after she’d been so nice to me. I owned her that much…
‘Okay.’ She softly patted me on the head and then slipped the laptop back onto my lap. ‘I’m just going to quickly go to the toilet, but I’ll be back in a minute!’
‘Thankyou!’ I said again, even though it didn’t fit with what she’d just said. She smiled again and then hurried off to the toilets, at the back of the book aisles.
I swallowed and looked down at the laptop, stretching my fingers to calm them down so I could type properly.
Right! It was time to get to work escaping from Linda.
Synopsis: Jake emails his mum and then, through an unpleasant bout of rain, accidentally reveals his feminized body to Lilah.
I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, then quickly began typing out my message. I was actually feeling better than I had in a long while, now that I’d cried out my frustrations and had Lilah comfort me. My head felt clearer and more focused, less crowded with emotions and uncertainty. This was good because I wanted the message to mum to come across as calm as possible but still have a sense of urgency, so she’d take me seriously and not think that I was making some kind of weird joke or bad attempt at getting her attention. I was unhappily aware that telling someone that my aunt was turning me into a girl wasn’t exactly the most believable of stories, especially without any evidence.
“Mum,
I need help! Aunt Linda is crazy, and she’s trying to turn me into a girl. She’s giving me these tablets that are making me grow up like a girl, and she’s been doing it for years. I look like you now, and I even have breasts! I’m really scared and I don’t know what to do. I hate her! She’s a monster and I can’t live with her anymore!
Please help me. I miss you so much! I know that you’re modelling and are really busy but I need you. Can you please come home? Just for a few days, to get rid of Linda? I don’t know how to contact grandma or grandpa and I know that they hate us but maybe I could stay with them for a bit, with Ada? Just to get away from Linda? I don’t know what else to do. I don’t have any friends. I need you! You’re all I have.
Please, mum. I’m scared. I need you to help me.
I love you.
Jake.”
I finished typing and stared at the message, kind of satisfied with it. There was a lot more I wanted to add to it but I could just fill in the rest later, if she came home. For now I just wanted to let her know what was happening, how I felt about it and get across how much I needed her. I was slightly surprised at how well I’d managed to write it, but writing was always something I’d been good at. English was the only subject at school besides science that I wasn’t failing miserably, and I even enjoyed it to a certain extend. I used to love doing book reports in primary school and had been devastated when we didn’t do them anymore in senior school. Now we just analysed novels and picked apart certain scenes and it wasn’t very enjoyable. It was far better than maths though. Urgh…
I was starting to get worried about what would happen if she didn’t read it though. If she was so busy with her modelling career then she mightn’t have time to check her emails, or she could even have a new email address and never check this one! I was sure that if she saw it then she’d help me, but now I wasn’t so sure that she’d actually see it. Should I tell someone else, just in case? But who?
Maybe a teacher at school? I didn’t get along with hardly any of them though, mainly because most of my grades were abysmal and I didn’t care at all about improving them. When I was in class I was either being bullied by someone or trying my best to pretend I wasn’t there by daydreaming about animals, TV shows or mum. Focusing on schoolwork wasn’t a priority to me. I had no hopes, dreams or ambitions about my future. I had a vague idea about being some kind of biologist and researching platypuses but I didn’t have much of a drive to do that yet. The only thing I wanted was for mum to come home. Until that happened then everything else was just…nothing.
There were a few teachers that I did like though, and who were nice to me, but I always kept my distance from them. I was scared that if I got attached to them then they’d just leave like mum had, and I wasn’t capable of dealing with another loss like that. It was the same as with the nice kids in my class. I didn’t want friends because I was too scared of them leaving me. It was just easier to ignore the kind people and keep to myself, only talking to other students when I had to or when I was retaliating from being bullied.
Loneliness hurt far less than loss did.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, exhaustion settling into me. Since I’d first spoken to Lilah yesterday my life had been a rollercoaster of horrible emotions and I had no idea what was going to happen to me anymore. My life was falling apart and I had no control over it. If mum didn’t get my message then I was going to have to tell a teacher at school what was happening, if Linda even let me go to school. If not then I’d call the police and hope that they could help. Neither of those options seemed very good though.
Maybe…
I…I could call my da-
‘Just there, right under the ribcage. Can you see it?’ dad said, pointing a scarred finger at Ada’s stomach. ‘That’s where you slip it in.’
‘I don’t want to!’ I shouted and tried to pull my hand free from his grasp but it was impossible. Ada screamed and thrashed about in the rope bindings on my bed but she couldn’t free herself. ‘Dad! Stop it!’
‘No! No!’ Ada sobbed and I dropped the knife in my hand, but dad caught it before it hit the ground.
‘You’re so weak, Jake.’ Dad scowled and shoved the knife back into my hand. ‘Just slip it in and you’ll see…you’ll see it all…’
‘I don’t want to see it.’
‘Ohhh…but I want you to, so badly.’ Dad sighed and began pulling my hand towards Ada’s struggling form. ‘I need you to be special, and special things are only born through death. Tragedy makes gods, and I refuse to have a son who wo-’
‘No! Let me go!’ I screamed, mirroring Ada’s own wails. ‘I don’t want to hurt Ada! Ju-’
YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK FUCK!
Mum’s enraged face appeared in front of me and I tried to scream but my entire body froze in horror. The world darkened and for a moment I felt like I was floating in an ocean, surrounded by hundreds of images swirling around me. I saw Ada hugging me while I cried, Linda pushing me out of a hospital in a wheelchair, mum sobbing as she hugged me goodbye for the last time, apologising for how she’d treated me, and dad, screaming at mum while being dragged off by police. I saw the day I’d gotten Julia, a gift from Linda to cheer me up after mum left. I sa-
‘Jake!’ a voice asked and I plummeted back down into reality and stared dizzily ahead as the darkness faded into light, revealing Lilah’s frowning face. ‘Jake? Are you okay?’
‘What just…what…’ I muttered and looked around, surprised to see that I was still in the library. I’d…something had happened, I felt like I’d been somewhere else but I couldn’t remember where. I tried to think back to the last few minutes and strange, fragmented images appeared in my head, but when I tried to focus on them they started to disappear. I think I saw mum, and Ada and…Julia? Maybe? I couldn’t feel them properly anymore. If felt like some kind of thick, ethereal wall was falling down between me and the images, cutting them off as effectively as a knife.
And it felt…familiar…like I’d experienced this before. There was an emptiness where the images were, a hole that I couldn’t see but I felt it, just behind the wall. And I knew that hole, that feeling of emptiness. Like an itch that I needed to scratch but I just couldn’t find it.
Where had that wall even come from? Was I doing that? Were those images dreams, or memories? I remembered something about…something…
Ugh! I didn’t remember even pieces of them anymore. What the hell…
‘What’s going on?’ I asked croakily, my throat dry and my stomach sore. I felt like I’d just woken up, sluggish and groggy and just yuck.
‘I don’t know.’ Lilah said worriedly. ‘You were just staring ahead, twitching and muttering to yourself. It was weird!’
‘S-sorry.’ I rubbed my forehead and shook myself slightly, even the wall and hole starting to fade from my mind. ‘I…I guess I fell asleep or I was drifting off or something. I really didn’t sleep too well last night.’
‘Yeah, you’ve got dark lines under your eyes.’ Lilah said, sitting next to me and putting a hand on my arm. The concerned expression on her face made me feel a little better and I smiled, making her smile back. ‘How are you feeling now? Have you had lunch yet?’
‘No. I haven’t eaten since that pizza yesterday.’ That was probably why my stomach was feeling so bad, now that I thought about it. I think that pizza and glass of coke was all I’d had to eat over the past five days. God! No wonder I felt like crap.
‘Seriously? You only ate like one slice of that pizza!’ Lilah gasped. ‘No wonder you’re falling asleep! We need to get something inside of you right away! Quick! Have you finished that email?’
‘Oh! Yeah, I just have to send it.’ I read over the email again and then sent it, my mind too fuzzy to really worry about it now. I’d wait a couple of days for mum to do something, and if nothing happened then I’d talk to a teacher or call the police, depending on what situation I was in. That was all I could think to do right now. ‘Okay! Done.’
‘Great!’ Lilah put the laptop back into her bag and jumped too her feet. ‘Come on! I know a really good juice place in the food court that’ll give you a huge boost of energy!’
‘Juice?’ I asked as I got off the couch. ‘Like apple and stuff?’
‘Not just apples! You can choose whatever you want, they’ve got tons of fruit. I always get a banana and raspberry one with honey.’ Her eyes lit up and she licked her lips. ‘Mmmm…it’s so good…’
‘I’ll get one of those then.’ I smiled, not really knowing what else I’d get. The only fruit I’d ever eaten had been apples and oranges, and only when I absolutely had to.
‘Good! You’ll love it, I promise.’ Lilah grinned as she left the library, and held the door open for me to exit through. A blast of freezing wind assaulted me and I gasped, then hugged myself as an array of shivers assaulted my body.
‘Whoa.’ I said through chattering teeth. ‘It’s so cold!’
‘Yeah. There’s going to be a storm later.’ Lilah frowned at me. ‘Why didn’t you wear a jacket or anything?’
‘I didn’t know it was going to be so cold.’ I said miserably, looking around at the people passing by. They were all dressed appropriately, in coats or jumpers, and a few even had umbrellas out to defend from the slight raindrops falling from the dark sky.
‘You should…’ Lilah said and then trailed off, her eyes staring at my chest. She blinked in surprise and then gave me a weird look that I didn’t understand. ‘Jake?’
‘What?’ I asked and after a moment she quickly looked away, colour flushing into her cheeks.
‘Nothing!’ she bounced forward and began walking to the mall next to the library. ‘Come on, it’ll be warmer in the mall.’
I shivered and looked down at my chest, scared that she’d seen my breasts. Were th-
‘Yah!’ I yelped as an ice-cold drop of rain splattered down my back, quickly followed by another. I looked up just as the clouds tore open and a boom of thunder heralded a massive shower of rain. All around me people started complaining or speaking to each other in surprise, and they began hurrying towards their destinations as the rain became heavier.
I fled after Lilah, keeping my head bowed to keep the worst of the rain off of me. It didn’t help though as the rain was thick and fast. I felt my body becoming drenched just from the short rush to Lilah. She laughed at my shocked expression and grabbed my hand to lead me into the mall’s entrance, which had a small veranda above it.
‘I told you there was going to be a storm later.’ Lilah grinned as she led me through the sliding glass doors. ‘I didn’t think it’d happen so soon though. How wet are you?’
I looked down at myself and choked back a cry as I saw that my shirt was plastered to my body from the rain. My wide hips and small waist were painfully highlighted, as well as my chest. My breasts were…they were…
‘Oh god! D-don’t look!’ I cried and spun away from Lilah, only to come face-to-face with a group of elderly people coming in through the doorway. I squeaked and spun away from them, grabbing my back and hugging it to my chest with wild eyes. Oh fuck oh fuck!
People could see my breasts! My shirt was squashed up against them and had turned see-through from the rain, showing them off as if I was naked! Fist-shaped squishy lumps with…with hard nipples what the fuck!
I stared to panic and stared around the mall’s entrance area, desperate for a place where I could hide. There were far too many people around and so many stores, lining the entrance hall all the way to the large main area with the lifts and elevators. I couldn’t hide in any of the stores, they were clothes and two-dollar stores with way too many people in them. Shit! I needed to go to the toilets, but they were right in t-
‘Jake…’ Lilah grabbed my hand and looked at me with serious eyes. ‘Follow me.’
‘N-no, wait…I gotta…’ I stammered and stared at her in horror. She’d seen my body! She knew…oh no…
‘It’s okay, I’m going to help.’ She said gently and began to lead me up the hallway. ‘I’ve been in your situation before and I know how much it sucks. White shirts and rain don’t mix well for girls.’
‘I-I’m a boy!’ I squeaked and huddled into her as we passed an angry-looking old man.
‘Really.’ She looked at me with a smirk. ‘That’s odd, because that body under your shirt sure doesn’t look like a boy’s body.’
‘W-well, it is.’ I stammered and to my relief saw that she was leading me to the bathrooms next to the elevator.
‘Look, Jake, I’m a lesbian.’ She said quietly. ‘I don’t have a problem with you being trans or wha-’
‘I’m not a transsexual!’ I said louder than I should have. A few people looked at us and I bowed my head, relying on Lilah to lead me. ‘I was born a boy and I’m h-h-I’m fine with it!’
‘You don’t sound so sure of that.’ Lilah smiled crookedly and I glared at her, but didn’t say anything.
What the hell was I supposed to say to that? She was right.
The bathrooms were in a small hallway off from the elevators, and Lilah led me down it and into the women’s one. I began to object but stopped myself, realising that it probably wasn’t a good idea to go into the boys bathroom looking like this. Shit.
The bathroom was quite big with six sinks in the front and the same number of bathroom stalls to the right. The right wall had a white bench lining it and Lilah led me to that, and I dropped myself down and hugged my knees to my chest.
I’d never been into a women’s bathroom before and I felt like some kind of perverted intruder. There was a girl around our age doing her make-up in the mirror but she didn’t even look at Lilah and I, and some of the stall doors were closed with women in them.
‘I shouldn’t be here.’ I said quietly and Lilah shook her head.
‘Yes you should.’ She said and put her bag next to me, then pulled out a long, warm-looking grey coat. It looked very fine, with a silk interior and long sleeves that ended in a soft white cuff. The ends of the coat had a similar white softness around them and there were cinched in the middle ‘Are you okay with wearing this?’
‘Yes! Please!’ It was a girls coat, obviously, but right now I’d wear a potato sack if it’d hide the shape of my body.
‘Okay.’ Lilah nodded. ‘Take off your shirt and then we-’
‘What!’ I shook my head. ‘No!’
Lilah frowned at me and held up some fingers. ‘Okay, one: You’re going to get sick if you keep wearing that, and two: You’re not wearing my good coat over a wet shirt. This cost me two hundred dollars and I’m not going to risk it getting damaged.’
‘Two hundred dollars?’ I stared at the shirt in surprise. ‘That’s crazy!’
‘Really? I thought it was pretty cheap for a coat this good.’ She said and I just stared at her. ‘Anyway, you can either take off your shirt and put this on or go back outside and buy a new shirt. Your choice.’
I looked at the doorway and thought about all of the people out there. So many…and I’d have to talk to one if I was going to buy a shirt…urgh!
‘Fine!’ I rushed over to one of the stalls and got inside, then quickly tore off my stupid soggy shirt. I grabbed some toilet paper and dried myself off, doing my best not to look at my body. Once I was done I cracked the stall door open a bit and put my hand out. ‘Okay! I’m done.’
‘Are you dry?’ Lilah asked and I felt her push against the stall door to come in. I gasped and put my weight against it so she couldn’t get in.
‘Ah! I’m dry! You don’t have to check!’
‘Alright.’ Lilah laughed softly and handed the jacket in. I took it off her and eagerly slipped it on, then then zipped it all the way up. It felt amazing, warm and heavy but smooth and silky on the inside. I’d never worn something that felt like it before and for a moment I just moved my shoulders about, enjoying the sensations that ran through my chest and back. It fit me fairly well, comfortably snug around the shoulders and chest, although it was long enough that it went down to my knees and the curve for where it expected my hips to be was around my thighs. Oh well…it was better than nothing.
I frowned as my breasts became irritated from the silk and I angrily scratched them, wishing I could just rip them off and be done with it. They’d become so problematic in the past few days, and they’d only get worse if I kept taking Linda’s medication. I needed to make sure I didn’t ever take them again, or the injections she was planning on giving me.
And shit…Lilah had seen them. How was I going to explain this to her? I didn’t want to tell her about Linda, that’d take ages and it was way too embarrassing. Although not as embarrassing as her seeing my breasts, which had already happened. Maybe I should just tell her? Could she help somehow?
Or would she just laugh? I still didn’t have a good grasp of her personality. She’d been kind and comforting in the library but when she’d seen my chest she’d been amused and…I don’t know. Kind of annoying. But she had helped me…
I opened the stall and slowly came out, holding the wet shirt my hands. Lilah beamed at me and I smiled back, then stood out of the way as a woman came out of the opposite stall and went to the sinks.
‘Hey! It looks great on you!’ Lilah said, looking me over. ‘It’s a bit big but not too bad. We’ll quickly grab you a shirt on the way to the studio and you can put it on when we’re done.’
‘What should I do with this?’ I held up the shirt and she scratched her cheek.
‘Umm…just throw it out I guess? Unless you want to keep it?’
‘I don’t!’ I went over to the bin near the sink and angrily threw it in. ‘I’m never going to wear white again!’
‘It’s not really a problem if you stay out of the rain. Or wear a bra.’ Lilah said and I winced.
‘I’m never going to wear a bra!’
‘I think you probably should. Your…’ she stopped and looked around the bathroom at the other girls. ‘We should go talk somewhere else. Let’s get you a shirt and some juice.’
‘Okay.’ I followed her outside, my stomach heavy. She obviously had a lot of questions and I didn’t know how I was going to answer them. The urge to just run away from her was starting to grow, but I was wearing her ridiculously expensive coat so I couldn’t. I’d have to just…lie? No, I didn’t want to lie to her. But I didn’t want to tell the truth either!
‘So…’ she said as we wound our way through a crowd of younger kids and got onto the elevator. She looked at me with her sharp green eyes and I swallowed nervously. ‘I’m guessing that you’re a transguy then?’
I blinked. ‘What? No. I told you, I’m not trans.’
‘Are you intersex then?’
‘What’s that?’
‘Umm…’ she looked down at the escalator thoughtfully. ‘It’s where like, someone has both sets of male and female genitalia, I think. But they usually don’t know until they start growing up and their body goes through a different kind of puberty. Uh…maybe! I don’t know much about it, but…are you? Intersex?’
I froze for a moment. That sounded exactly like what I’d though was happening to my body for the last year and a bit. But it couldn’t be, not with how excited Linda had been about my changes. It was too much of a coincidence. If I was intersex then she’d have just said so instead of being vague and weird about it, and not letting me see a doctor.
‘I’m not intersex.’ I said heavily.
‘Then…’ Lilah got off the escalator and looked expectantly at me as I got off as well. We were in front of the foot court and a myriad of different stores greeted us, from delicious chains like McDonalds and KFC to smaller burger and sushi places. The smell was amazing and the pain grew in my stomach as it desperately cried out for sustenance.
‘I’m so hungry…’ I said and began walking towards the KFC, my hunger turning me into a food zombie.
‘The juice place is over here.’ Lilah said, grabbing my hand and leading me over to a side area where a large green storefront was. There were three people lined up outside of it and the fresh smell of oranges and passion-fruit lit up my nose. But it wasn’t enough to wipe away the scent of KFC!
‘I need KFC!’ I tried to turn back but she didn’t let me go.
‘No, you need energy, not fried chicken.’ She said distastefully. ‘It’ll just make you sick and feel all yucky.’
‘But it’s so yummy!’
‘So is this! You’ll thank me once you try it, I promise.’ She pulled me over to the line and held me in place next to her. I glared at her and then started longingly at KFC, knowing that Lilah was right but still wanting the delicious friend chicken anyway. It’d been years since I’d last had KFC and it felt like it’d been years since I’d last eaten as well.
‘So…’
‘What?’ I asked, tearing my eyes away from the KFC storefront to look at her impatient face.
‘If you’re not intersex and you’re not a girl, and you’re not trans, then…what are you?’
‘I told you, I’m a boy!’
‘With a body like that?’
‘Yes.’ I pulled down on the coat and blushed. ‘My body’s…I look like a girl but I have a…thing…so I’m a boy.’
‘But, why does your body look like that?’ She persisted.
‘Because I was stupid.’ I said quietly and she stared intently at me.
‘What do you mean?’
I gritted my teeth and decided to tell her some of the truth in the hopes that it’d stop her questions. ‘Someone convinced me that I was sick and gave me medication, and it turned me into…this.’
‘W-what?’ she said and let out a little laugh, enraging me.
‘It’s not funny!’ I shouted and the people in front of us looked at me in shock, but I ignored them.
‘Sorry! I’m sorry!’ Lilah held up her hands in shock. ‘You’re actually serious?’
‘Yes I’m serious!’ I snapped. ‘Why would I lie about something like that?’
Lilah ran her hands through her hair and stared at me with wide eyes. ‘Someone did this to you? Who?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ Standing in line at a juice bar was not the best place to be having this kind of discussion.
Lilah ignored me and continued to ask questions. ‘How long have they been doing it to you for?’
‘Nearly two years. Bu-’
‘And you didn’t realise until…when?
‘A-a few days ago.’ I lied, embarrassed that it took me so long to figure out what was going on.
‘Shit! That’s insane.’ She said with wide eyes. ‘How did you not notice that you were turning into a girl for so long?’
‘I thought it was normal!’ My voice started shaking. ‘Linda told me that I was turning into a girl naturally, that I had some kind of weird body condition, and the medication was supposed to slowly change me into a boy but…but it did the opposite.’
‘Who’s Linda?’
‘Nobody.’ I said quickly, cursing myself for slipping up.
‘Is she your Aunt? That you live with?’ she asked and I winced. She had a way-too-good memory. ‘She’s turning you into a girl? Why?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I haven’t asked her!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m scared!’ I gasped for air and wiped my eyes, starting to cry. I was so sick of crying! ‘I don’t want to talk about this! Stop asking me questions!’
‘S-sorry! I just wanted to…I….’ She trailed off uncomfortably and I shook my head.
‘I know, I get it. It’s weird but…I just can’t at the moment. I just…’ I rubbed my face and looked up at her. ‘It’s really scary and I don’t know how to deal with it! But I emailed mum and when she sees it she’ll come and make everything better so…so…so there’s nothing be upset about!’
Lilah looked at me pityingly and reached out to hug me. ‘Jake…’
‘Don’t.’ I stepped away from her. ‘I’m fine. I just…you’re right, I really need to eat something healthy. My head’s a mess and I feel like shit and…I just don’t want to talk about this, okay? Please? I just want to have a normal day away from Linda before she…before tonight. Just…just…’
‘This is really serious Jake.’ Lilah said as we moved up in the line. ‘Have you told someone about this? Besides me?’
‘I told you, I emailed mum.’
‘And that’s it?’ Lilah looked at me in surprise. ‘She lives in America, and you said she doesn’t even reply to your emails anymore. She mightn’t even see it!’
‘I told you I don’t want to talk about this!’
‘I know b-’
‘Then please, just stop!’ I begged her. ‘Can we just talk about this later? After the shoot or whatever? I just want to not think about it for a while. It’s been driving me insane and I feel like I’m losing my mind!’
‘…okay.’ She said, although her expression clearly stated that she wasn’t okay with it. ‘We can talk later.’
‘Thankyou.’ I said and rubbed my face again, then turned to the front of the line. I felt strangely pleased with having actually told someone what was going on, but maybe Lilah wasn’t the right person. She asked way too many questions and she seemed to be the kind of person who got involved with other people’s problems.
I think I’d just made a huge mistake.
Or maybe this was one of the smartest things I’d done in a very long time…
Note: Thankyou for reading! Comments and feedback are much appreciated!
I didn't expect to get this out for a while but the antibiotics finally kicked in and my brain went into overdrive and I yeah. Here we go! Hopefully this will answer some of the questions people have had about the story from the beginning , and start to push towards the end of the first part. I've planned to end it at chapter 10 but I might move it out to chapter 11 depending on how things go. This chapter was far longer than I expected it to be. I love writing dialogue and this chapter was full of dialogue and me made me happier than a crab eating a pig ^_^ Scutchuuu Scutchuuu! (That's what a crab sounds like while it eats a pig)
Also I'm still sick so if there's any weird problems or mistakes in this story please let me know because even though everything seems fine to me I'm not exactly at 100% right now. I spent ten minutes talking to a black lump of cuteness that I thought was my cat before going over to hug it and realizing that it was actually one of my shirts. I threw it in the bin because f*ck white shirts.
Even though it was black. Whatever!
Synopsis: Jake lets Lilah take him to the photography studio, but...
Author's note: I'm sorry for the incredibly late posting of this. I've been very sick. I don't want to go into too much detail but my immune system isn't great and I have some unpleasant mental health problems that cause me a lot of stress, and when I caught a cold a few weeks ago everything spiraled out of control and...yeah. Very sick Broken Fox. I'm okay now though, for the most part.
So, uh...I'll talk about this story at the end. This is the penultimate chapter of the first part. Thank you so much for reading! Comments and the like are appreciated :)
The banana and raspberry juice was amazing, just like Lilah had said it would be. She made sure I got a large one with added honey and as soon as I took my first sip the flavour exploded through me and I couldn’t stop myself from taking a massive gulp of it.
‘I told you it was good.’ she said with a small smile, sipping from her own juice cup. She looked at my chest again and then quickly back up at me. ‘Are you okay with waiting until after the shoot to buy another shirt? I’m worried that we’re going to be late and I really don’t want to keep Erin waiting. She’s probably already at the studio setting everything up.’
‘That’s fine with me. What’s she setting up?’ I asked and followed her back onto the escalator, relieved that she was keeping herself from asking me anything more about my body.
‘Her cameras and make-up.’ She looked at me and smiled tightly. ‘And the…dresses that we’re going to wear.’
‘Ah…’ I stepped awkwardly off the elevator and slowed my pace. I’d been so focused on my body and mum that I’d almost forgotten what was going to happen at the shoot. Crap! After everything that had happened recently, dressing as a girl was one of the last things I wanted to do right now. But I owed Lilah…
She gently moved me out of the way of a fast-moving young couple and looked intently at me, brushing her hair from her eyes. ‘Are you going to be okay with that? Wearing a dress? After…what you just told me? Because I really need you to do this with me.’
I looked away from her and swallowed anxiously. ‘W-well, what’s going to happen exactly? Like, I just wear a dress and we take photos?’
‘That’s basically it, but Erin’s going to do your hair and make-up so you’ll look your best, and she brought some dresses for you to try on as well.’ She looked me over and a delighted grin appeared on her face. ‘You’re going to look just like your mum once she’s finished! A beautiful little mini Elaine just for me.’
I blinked. ‘Just for you?’
‘You’re pretending to be my girlfriend, remember?’ she said with a sly smile, her eyes shining. ‘And I’m very affectionate with cute little girls like you.’
I gasped and turned bright red, my eyes becoming huge. She’d called me a girl but the fact that she’d called me cute was overriding that, much to my surprise. I remembered her hugging me and a small thrill went down my spine. ‘Will we pose like…like holding hands and h-hugging and stuff?’
‘Yep!’ she leant down to whisper in my ear. ‘We might even have to kiss.’
‘Really?’ I squeaked and she laughed at the shocked expression on my face.
‘Yeah. Would you have a problem with that?’
Would I have a problem with that? I looked shyly at her lips, which were amazing even without make-up. They were shiny, lush and plump, well-defined like the rest of her features. Her skin was flawless, her green eyes dark and inviting behind their thick lashes, and her golden hair hung loosely around her heart-shaped face and framed it amazingly.
My heart skipped a beat as I stared at her and a tingling feeling ran down my back. She was incredibly attractive, definitely someone who’d be able to have a career as a model. I…I did want her to kiss me!
My face burned as I imagined her leaning down to kiss me, her soft lips rubbing up against mine as she ran a strong hand down my side and pulled me into her. Warmth flooded my whole body and cente-
‘Wagh!’ I cried out as I slammed face-first into a haggard-looking businessman’s stomach. I bounced off him and crashed onto my butt, the juice cup hurtling from my hands and splashing against a side wall between two stores. ‘Ah! No!’
‘Sorry.’ the man muttered, barely looking at me as he continued on. He was so large that me slamming into him was probably on par to a fly splatting against a windshield. I was tempted to glare at him but it wasn’t his fault he’d run into me, it was mine. Shit! I’d gotten way too lost in my stupid imagination…
‘Are you okay?’ Lilah asked, kneeling down next to me. She looked concerned but her lips kept twitching like she was about to laugh, and I didn’t blame her.
‘I’m fine.’ I said and she offered me her hand, which I gratefully took. She easily helped me to my feet and I brushed off the coat while avoiding the glances of curious passer-by’s. I looked at my spilt juice and a pang of loss ran through me. It’d tasted so good and I’d barely even drunk half of it! What a waste…
‘You really got lost in your head there for a minute, huh.’ Lilah said and I nodded miserably. ‘What were you thinking about?’
‘N-nothing.’ I said quickly, but a knowing grin appeared on her face.
‘Were you thinking about me?’
‘No!’
‘Sure you weren’t.’ she grinned and grabbed me by the sides, making me squeal. ‘You were thinking about me kissing you, were-’
‘I wasn’t!’ I cried and reflectively escaped her grasp, even though her hands had felt really nice on my sides. ‘I was just thinking about the shoot.’
‘Really.’ Her expression became serious. ‘Are you going to do it with me then?’
All I could think about was her kissing me, so I nodded immediately. ‘Yes! I’ll do it!’
She smiled excitedly and grabbed my hand in hers, making my heart jump excitedly. ‘Thankyou! You have no idea how much this means to me Jake! If we win this competition then it’ll be a huge boost to my future career as a model, and even if we don’t I can still put the photos in my portfolio and show them off to agencies.’
I blinked in surprise, realising that I’d never actually asked why she wanted to join the competition so badly before. ‘You want to be a model? Like mum?’
‘Yeah! Just like your mum.’ She squeezed my hand and then began walking, leading me by the hand through the busy mall hallway. ‘She’s my idol, remember? But I was interested in modelling even before I found out about her. Everyone’s always told me that I’d be good at modelling because of my looks, and I love getting my picture taken and wearing nice clothes. I just never really took it seriously until I found some of your mums pictures online and realised that I wanted to be like her.’
We entered the large open area at the back of the mall where the cinemas where, and the smell of fresh popcorn and ice cream made my stomach once again grumble unhappily.
‘She inspired me.’ Lilah continued as we weaved through a large group of teenagers waiting to buy tickets. ‘It was like…do you ever have those moments where you see someone and everything just clicks? You see them doing something you’ve wanted to do and you suddenly realise that they’re who you want to be, they’re living the life you want to live. Everything takes on a new kind of meaning and you get more focused and driven and excited! It’s like when someone’s first starting out at a type of sports and they see a professional player on TV. Like a boy our age seeing a pro footballer and being inspired by them or something, you know?’
‘I…yeah? Like having a hero?’
‘Yeah!’ She smiled brightly. ‘Do you have anyone like that? Someone who inspires you?’
‘No.’ The only person who really stood out to me was mum, and that was just because I wanted her to come home. She hadn’t really inspired me, and I didn’t see her as a hero. If she saved me from Linda then she was just saving me from a situation she’d caused by leaving me in Linda’s care…
A sick, bitter feeling appeared in my stomach as I thought that and I gritted my teeth, pushing it away. I didn’t need to be thinking things like that! What Linda was doing to me wasn’t mums fault, it was Linda’s. And mine for being too stupid to realise it in time. Mum hadn’t done anything.
That was exactly the problem though! She hadn’t done anything! If sh-
No! She was working hard as a model to make lots of money and support us, like Lilah had said! She was doing something! But…
But still…it hurt…
I sighed miserably and Lilah thankfully didn’t continue the conversation, just smiled tightly and led us out of the mall and into the parking lot. It was raining heavier than before and even through the thick coat I could feel the coldness of the day. People were running to and from their cars with their hands over their heads or huddled under umbrellas, and some were just hanging around the entrance waiting for the downpour to lessen.
‘Will we be able to get to the studio without getting wet?’ I asked as I looked around the soaked parking lot. There were some old buildings across from it but I’d never come out this way before so had no idea where anything was. All I knew was that there weren’t any stores that had Pristine figurines out here, and that was enough information for me.
‘Nah, but it’ll be fine.’ Lilah said confidentially. ‘We’ll get a little wet but we can clean ourselves off once we get to the studio.’
‘Where is it?’
‘Just follow me.’ She grinned and began to jogging out into the parking lot.
I gasped but she was still holding my hand and wouldn’t let go, so I was forced to hurry along with her out into the downpour. Her legs were longer than mine so I had to almost run to keep pace with her, but to my relief it didn’t take that long to reach the other side of the carpark and cross the road over to the buildings. I was wet but not as badly as I had been before, and the coat was still keeping me relatively warm.
‘There we go!’ Lilah beamed and patted my soggy hair. ‘I told you it’d be fine.’
‘I wasn’t really worried…’ I muttered and looked curiously around at the buildings.
Some of them looked to be closed down and the ones that weren’t didn’t seem to have any customers at all. I could see old carpet stores, lonely looking op shops, warehouses, buildings with empty windows and a broken ATM machine. It was surprising how empty this area was considering how busy the mall was, and looking back at it across the carpark it almost seemed like another world.
‘There’s a photo studio around here?’ I asked dubiously but Lilah nodded energetically.
‘Yeah! It’s not too far, don’t worry.’ She increased her grip on my hand and led me down a small alley between an op shop and a deserted pet store.
Another array of buildings greeted us but I didn’t get time to look at them as we went down another alley and then turned into an even smaller one that led to a dead end. On either side of us were the backs of large warehouses and a rather desolate black van was parked up against the end, in front of a battered wire fence looking out into a large green field.
‘It’s around here?’ I frowned, looking for some kind of entrance along the backs of the buildings. All I could see was grey cement walls and rusty dumpsters. There was an alcove a few feet away but I couldn’t see into it, and it didn’t look like it led into a photo studio.
Lilah looked at me and then smiled crookedly, her head tilting to the side. ‘It’s not here.’
I blinked in surprise. ‘Oh! Are you lost?’
‘No.’ A wide grin lit her face and she twirled around me so that I was pulled to face the way we’d just come into the alley. Her eyes shone with a strange excitement and my heart skipped a beat. ‘Sorry! I lied! But I did a pretty good job of it, huh?’
‘W-what?’ I stared at her in shock and then tried to pull my hand out of hers, but she increased her grip and grabbed my other hand too. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Don’t be mad! I didn’t lie about everything, just about the competition and the studio.’ She squeezed my hands and leant down so that our faces were eye to eye. I tried to pull away but she wouldn’t let me, her eyes huge and excited. ‘Your mum really is my idol, Lain. And one day, you’re going to be my idol too.’
I froze as time seemed to slow down for a moment and her words echoed in my ears.
Lain…
Lain.
Lain! She called me Lain! What the fuck?!
My stomach dropped and I tried to tear myself out of her grip, but she wouldn’t let go. ‘Why did you c-’
‘You’re late.’ a woman’s voice said from behind me and I choked as a piece of black fabric was thrown over my mouth. I screamed into the fabric and tried to turn around, but Lilah wouldn’t let go of my arms and I felt the fabric pulled into a tight knot at the back of my head.
‘Sorry. We got caught up when it started raining.’ Lilah said to the stranger, her expression becoming more serious. ‘Did you know that he knows about the hormones Linda is giving him?’
‘Really? I didn’t think Linda had told him yet.’ the stranger said as she finally stepped into view. She was a tall, lean woman of Asian descent with short black hair, sharp facial features and pale green eyes that dispassionately looked me over.
‘She didn’t tell him! He figured it out on his own.’ Lilah said and looked at me with a tight smile.
The woman snorted and pulled a white strip of plastic from her grey jacket’s pocket. ‘Not surprising. Linda always was a terrible liar. I knew we should have taken him sooner, or force her to talk to him before now.’
Lilah pushed my hands together so the woman could bind them up in the white plastic strip, ignoring my panicked attempts to get free. They were both far stronger than me and were able to hold me still with ease.
‘It’s okay Lain.’ Lilah said softly as she turned me around to face the van. She smiled apologetically and patted me on the head. ‘We’re not going to hurt you. We just need to take you to your new home, okay? You’re going to meet Rach!’
I stared at her in horror and she grimaced.
‘You’re wasting your breath. She doesn’t know who Rach is.’ The woman muttered darkly as she put a hand on my shoulder and began to slowly walk me to the black van at the end of the alley. ‘Linda really fucked this up. We’ve only got a month before the school starts and this kid doesn’t even know anything! Bloody hell. We should have taken him months ago, not now! This is going to be a shit show. Jesus Christ…’
I let out a muffled yell and tried to pull away from her but Lilah appeared on my other side and held me steady, and even when I dug my feet into the ground they both still dragged me forward. I continued to struggle but it was futile, and the closer we got to the van the more scared I got. What the hell was going on?!
Lilah opened the side of the van and before I could even look at the dark interior properly I was hauled up by the older woman and pushed inside. I stumbled in and fell onto the carpeted floor as Lilah jumped in next to me and slammed the door shut. My eyes quickly adjusted and I could see that the back wall had a long cushion set into its back underneath a row of black meshing, and there were some loose boxes lying around. There was a black sheet blocking the front seats from view, and the back was empty.
‘Okay!’ Lilah said and pulled me up onto one of the cushions, and sat down next to me. I tried to get off but she once again held me steady. I glared at her and she turned red and looked away, biting her bottom lip. ‘Look, I know you’re scared but don’t worry. We’re seriously not going to hurt you! This is just the only way that we could get you to come with us. I think. I know it seems a bit extreme but it’ll make sense once you get to Rach’s! She said she was going to call Linda and finally have her explain everything to her so…so yeah! Don’t worry!’
I tried to ask her what was going on but all I could do was make weird moaning sounds through the fabric. She looked sadly at me and then at the front of the van, where the woman was brushing the sheet aside and coming in.
‘Hold him steady, okay?’ she told Lilah and my eyes bulged as I saw that she was holding a needle in her hands. I screamed and tried to thrash out of Lilah’s grip but the woman knelt down in front of me and grabbed my hands, her eyes cold and unsympathetic. ‘Don’t struggle. This is just going to knock you out for a couple of hours, nothing more. And when you wake up you’ll be safe and sound in your new room, and Linda will be there to explain everything.’
I shook my head and stared in horror at the needle. I did not what that thing anywhere near me! And I didn’t want to wake up in a new room, or see Linda! Oh god!
With a strangled breath I leant back, and then jumped forward with as much force as possible. This caught the woman by surprise and my head smashed into her face with a sickening crunch. She cried out in pain and I dived to the van door, but before I could reach it she wrapped her hand around my neck and slammed me down on the van floor, her face a mask of rage.
‘You little shit!’ she snarled and punched me in the shoulder, so hard that tears stung my eyes and I screamed loud enough to almost overcome the cloth in my mouth.
‘What are you doing! Don’t hurt her!’ Lilah cried but didn’t do anything to stop the woman, just warily stared at her.
‘Him! It’s a boy for fucks sake!’ the woman spat and grabbed me by the hair to keep my head steady. ‘This is such a fucked up situation! You’re all insane, you know that? Fucking retards!’
Lilah swallowed and looked like she was about to cry, but she ran her hands through her hair and took a steadying breath. ‘We’re not insane. You just don’t understand what we’re trying to do.’
‘Yeah, no shit I don’t. Fuck!’ the woman sneered and bit off the needle’s cap, then kneed me in the stomach as I began to thrash around in terror. ‘Stop moving you idiot! Or do you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye?’
I whimpered and froze as she lowered the needle to my neck. I tried to beg her to stop but nothing came out, and she looked so angry that I don’t think anything I said would have stopped her. The needle sunk into the side of my neck and I shivered, feeling like I was about to throw up. Lilah patted me gently on the head and I looked tearfully up at her, but she quickly looked away.
After what felt like an hour, the woman finally pulled the needle out and let go of my hair. I moaned and tried to go for the van door, but Lilah put her arms under my shoulders and hauled me onto the cushion again, then wrapped her arms around me. I blinked as a heavy wave of exhaustion swept through me and I stopped trying to get out of her grip.
‘Keep a tight hold of him, yeah?’ the woman said as she put the needle in one of the boxes. ‘The last thing I need is for him to be bouncing around back here while we drive. Rach would kill me.’
‘I know.’ Lilah said, increasing her hold around me. Her voice sounded like it was coming from so far away…
‘It’ll be an hour until we get there so...she’ll give…Linda wasn’t going to…’
My hearing was slipping in and out so I couldn’t hear what the woman was saying, and before I could even stop it my eyelids slammed shut and unconsciousness tugged at me. I whimpered and tried to force them open but it was too hard, I was too exhausted. What…
What…
Julia…
To be continued.
Author's note: Thankyou for reading! Now, I wrote half of this while I was a bit sick and the other half when i was getting better, so if you notice a change in quality then I apologize. It's hard to tell if I'm working at 100% mentally at the moment.
This is the penultimate chapter of the first part, with the last chapter already pretty much written
Synopsis: Jake wakes up in a strange bed and finally finds out what's going on with his mum and why Linda is doing what she's doing
Author's note: So, this is the final part of the first part! And I feel like it could even serve as the end of the whole story, kind of. So in a way, this is actually the first story that I've ever finished! Woo! Hooray for me ^_^
Kinda >.>
I'll add more at the end, but for now I just want to thank you all so much for reading this. The comments and messages I get are a constant source of inspiration and give me the confidence to continue :) So gimme more :P If you think I deserve it.
‘Is he awake yet? It’s been five hours.’
I stirred in my sleep and groaned softly, so tired that all I could think about was how warm and comfortable I was. It felt like I was in a bed, with heavy sheets squashing me down onto a pleasantly soft mattress, and I could feel Julia’s fluffy body snuggled up against my chest.
I wondered briefly where I was, as my bed wasn’t nearly as comfortable as this one was, but my thoughts were already fading away. Why had I even woken up?
‘Jake? Are you awake sweetie?’
That was Linda’s voice! Huh…was I in her bed? I’d never slept in her bed before, but it looked really comfortable. She hated me being in her room though. Why wo-
‘Sweetie?’ I felt her pick me up under the shoulders and lift me into a kneeling position for some reason. I moaned unhappily and tried to slap her away, causing Julia to fall from my grasp. I gasped and tried to grab for her but my hands were too stiff and tired. ‘Jake?’
‘Wasgoenon…’ I mumbled, my mouth dry and painful. I slowly opened my heavy eyes and winced at the sudden light, snapping my eyes shut again. ‘Oww!’
I rubbed my eyes and slowly opened them again. Linda’s concerned face slowly came into focus, and behind her was an unfamiliar room. Its walls were a light pink, same as the ceiling, but the carpeted floor was a dark black. There was a long full-length mirror directly behind us and it seemed like it’d slide open into a walk-in wardrobe. Beyond that, there was an elegant brown desk with another mirror set into its wooden backing, and a comfortable-looking cream couch set into the back corner. There were no windows though so it was impossible for me to tell what time it was, but the ornate glass chandelier in the centre of the ceiling was giving off so much light that it felt like it was midday.
My thoughts were slow and sluggish, making it hard to think clearly. I felt like I was forgetting something really important but it was so hard to find the energy to follow up on that and remember. All I wanted to do was collapse back on the bed and go back to sleep.
I turned back to look at Linda and was dully surprised to see that she looked exhausted. Her usually neat hazel hair was a mess, with strands sticking out at the top and sides, and her eyes were dark and tired. Her complexion was unnaturally pale too, almost like she was sick.
‘Where…’ I began and swallowed painfully. God, I was so thirsty. And hungry! When had I last eaten?
‘Can you get us some water?’ Linda asked, turning to look at the entrance to the room. I followed her gaze and was surprised to see a tall young woman standing in the open doorway, dressed in a tight black dress with a white apron tied around it. She had thick black hair pulled into a tight ponytail with two strands falling on either side of her handsome face, and a pair of silver-rimmed glasses covered her dark eyes. I thought for a moment that she was a maid, but that seemed silly.
‘Should I get some food too?’ she asked softly and Linda nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll return in five minutes.’
She looked at me for a moment, an unreadable expression on her face, and then she was gone. I stared blankly after her for a moment, wondering if she was some kind of secretary. Was I somehow at Linda’s work?
‘What’s going on?’ I asked carefully, licking my dry lips. ‘Where am I?’
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, running her hands through her hair and making it even messier. ‘Do you remember what you were doing before you came here?’
I frowned and forced myself to think back to…to the library? I was in the library because I needed to message mum ab-
Message mum about Linda tricking me into taking hormones! Oh god!
My memories of the past few days crashed into my head like a tsunami and my eyes widened with horror. I’d been kidnapped! Lilah had lied to me! Why? What was going on?
I stared at Linda with wide eyes and the now-familiar surge of anger rose inside of me. What the hell was she doing here!? Was she behind me being kidnapped?
‘What’s going on?’ I demanded and looked around the room, seeing that the secretary lady had left the door open. Maybe I could escape out there if Linda really had kidnapped me. I could try and find a police station and they’d arrest her and call mum to come and save me!
I quickly looked away from the door and down at my lap in case Linda realised what I was thinking. It’d be bad if sh…she…she…she…
For the first time since waking up I noticed what I was wearing, and my mind went blank for a moment. I was dressed in a pink silk nightdress, one that ended just above my pale knees. It was tight enough to clearly show off my feminised body and had a purple hem underneath small pink frills. The small sleeves had a similarly decorated hem, and the v-neck had a lining of purple going along it as well. There was even a large, even circle of purple running around my hips.
It was very pretty, and I vaguely noticed that it felt nice too. I’d never worn anything this tight before, or something made out of silk, and it was amazing. But…
But…
I gritted my teeth as a scared whimper threatened to escape my lips. Linda had kidnapped me! This was exactly what I’d been scared of! Her forcing me to dress as a girl and locking me up in some random place where nobody knew where I was and making me her stupid Lain thing, her star! Well, I wasn’t going to let her! Fuck!
I dived off the bed and landed awkwardly on my feet, then stumbled forward and rushed to the doorway. I’d hoped to take Linda off guard but she moved as soon as I did, easily beating me to the door and slamming it shut.
‘Jake! Wait!’ she said loudly, her eyes wide with surprise.
I gasped and tried to stop myself from running, but my momentum threw me forward and I landed in a miserable heap at her feet. The carpet was thick enough to cushion my weight but I landed painfully on my hand, making me cry out.
‘Ah! Are you okay?’ Linda knelt down and reached out to touch me, but I slapped her hand away with a snarl.
‘Don’t touch me!’ I screamed and scrambled away from her. I crawled backwards until I crashed into the mirrored desk, and then glared up at the monster in front of me. A thick wave of hatred stronger than anything I’d ever felt before consumed me and without even deciding to do it I was suddenly screaming at Linda. ‘I hate you! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HA-’
My words ended in a pained whimper as my already-sore throat burned in agony. I coughed and spluttered unhappily, feeling like I did when I’d had tonsillitis as a child. Linda began to come near me and I hissed painfully at her, squashing myself up against the wall. To my shock she actually looked hurt, something I’d never seen her be before. Her bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were red and wet.
‘Jack…’ She swallowed, rubbing an unshed tear from her eye. ‘Please don’t say that.’
‘It’s true! I hate you! I know what you’re doing to me!’ I said croakily, clenching my hands into fists. ‘You lied to me! You’re turning me into a girl on purpose!’
Linda came closer and knelt down a few feet away from her, looking devastated. ‘I know, and I’m so sorry sweetie…’
‘I don’t care!’ I snarled and unsteadily got to my feet, brushing down the hem of the stupid nightdress. ‘I emailed mum about it before and she’s going to tell the police and they’re going to come and arrest you! You’re going to jail! Mum’s going to come and she’s going to save me from you and we’re going to live together in America and you’ll be in jail!’
Linda grimaced and looked sadly at me. ‘She’s not coming, Jake. She’s never going to come.’
I stomped my foot in rage. ‘Shut up! Yes she is! She has to! I emailed her!’
‘That email…’ Linda ran her hands through her hair and got up as well. ‘That’s my email. She gave it to you so you’d think you were talking to her, and told me to reply to your messages pretending to be her.’
I froze, and then violently shook my head. ‘That’s not true! You’re lying again!’
‘I’m not. I got your email as soon as you sent it. I can show it to you on my phone if you want.’
‘No! You’re lying.’
‘Jake, si-’
Linda cut off as there was a soft knock on the door, and we both looked to see it open to reveal the secretary. She had a glass of water in one hand and a plate with a sandwich in the other, which my eyes immediately focused on. Despite my anger my attention was momentarily absorbed by the sandwich, which looked amazing. It had what looked to be a chicken breast covered in cheese and mayonnaise, with tomatoes and peeking out from underneath it. My stomach growled desperately and I took an unconscious step towards the girl.
And then stopped in my tracks as an unfamiliar woman entered the room, brushing past the secretary like she wasn’t even there. She looked to be in her late twenties and had a round, tired face that was very pretty. Her long blonde hair flowed around her thin shoulders and was held out of her eyes by a pair of black metal hair clips in the shape of a crow. She was wearing a neat white dress that emphasized her generous chest, and had on a pair of white high heels.
‘I take it things aren’t going well?’ she asked Linda with a wry smile.
‘I told you they wouldn’t!’ Linda snapped and glared at the woman. ‘Did you really think kidnapping him and drugg-’
‘You kidnapped me?’ I gasped and stared at the woman in surprise. Did…did that mean Linda didn’t have anything to do with it? ‘Why?’
The woman looked at me and a pleased smile appeared on her red lips, one that reached her eyes. ‘Ohh…Lain, you look so beautiful! Just like your mother when she was ten.’
‘My name’s Jake!’ I snapped and then looked down at the ground with a grimace. ‘And I’m thirteen, not ten.’
‘Aww! She’s so cute, isn’t she?’ the woman said to Linda and then took the glass from the secretary. ‘Here. I heard you shouting from the other side of the house! I imagine your voice must be quite sore by now, hmm?’
She came over and offered the glass to me, but I just stared up at her. She was a head taller than Linda and as such I barely came up to her chest. ‘Who are you?!’
‘My name’s Rachel, and you’re in my home.’ she said with another warm smile. ‘And it’s your home now too, young lady. I’m going to be taking over Linda’s parental duties from now on.’
I blinked, not quite sure I understood that. ‘What?’
‘Drink first.’ Rachel said and pushed the water into my hand. I reluctantly took it and after a moment’s hesitation took a large gulp, the pain in my throat too intense for me to ignore. Rachel beamed at me and nodded encouragingly. ‘Good girl!’
I started at the compliment and turned bright red, then shoved the glass back into her hand. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had actually complimented me…
Rachel looked at me with a knowing smile and went to pat me on the head, but I stepped away and hurried to the bed, away from all of the women. Julia was lying next to it and I scooped her up in a tight hug. She was a familiar, comforting weight in my arms and I held onto her, knowing that I’d look like a child but unable to care.
‘What’s going on?’ I demanded. ‘Why did you kidnap me?’
‘Because I took too long.’ Linda said morosely and I frowned at her.
‘Too long doing what?’
‘Preparing you for the Lain project.’ Rachel said as she came over. I glared at her but she kept coming until she was directly in front of me. ‘Do you know what that is?’
‘No!’ I said, although I had a sneaking suspicion that I actually did know based off of all the weird stuff Linda had said last night.
‘Well, then why don’t we go downstairs to the dining room and talk about it?’ she said and looked at the secretary. ‘I’m sure you’re hungry a-’
‘No!’ I stomped my foot and shook my head, starting to reach my limit with all of the weirdness. I wanted to home, to my safe little room and crawl under the covers and act like this was all a bad dream! ‘I d-don’t care about your stupid project! I’m a boy! I don’t want to be Lain! I w-want to go home!’
‘Sweetheart, I told you before….this is your home now.’ Rachel said and offered me her hand. ‘And it’s a very nice home too! Why don’t you come with me and I’ll show you around?’
I shook my head and hugged Julia tighter as a tear fell down my face. ‘No. I want to go h-home!’
‘Lain…I just told you. This is your home.’ Rachel said and I shook my head no even harder. ‘It is. And do you want to know something special about this house? Your mother and I grew up here together. This is even her old room!’
I sniffed and looked around at the room, momentarily distracted from my fear. ‘What?’
Rachel smiled and knelt down so that we were on eye level. ‘Did you know that she and her parents didn’t get along very well?’
‘Yes.’ I nodded slowly.
‘Well, she ran away from them when she was six, and my parents let her stay here with me. That’s even her old bed.’ Rachel nodded to the bed behind me. ‘You and your sisters cribs used to be in here too.’
‘What?’ My eyes widened in surprise and I rubbed my forehead tiredly, finding it difficult to think clearly with everything that was going on. ‘Ada a-and I lived here?’
‘Only until you were two, unfortunately.’ Rachel sighed heavily. ‘Elaine wanted her own independence so she decided to move out with a…friend.’
‘With her girlfriend. Me.’ Linda frowned at Rachel, who looked back at her with a grimace.
‘Yes, girlfriend. Sorry.’ A look of jealousy crossed her face but it was gone in an instant.
‘You and mum were dating?’ I asked Linda numbly, not sure how to deal with that.
‘Yes.’ She came over and knelt next to Rachel, a sad expression on her face ‘We told you about it but…you probably don’t remember, do you?’
‘Why wouldn’t I remember?’ I asked quickly, something tugging at me from the back of my mind. As soon as I tried to focus on it though it disappeared.
‘We can talk about that later.’ Rachel said just as Linda was about to speak. She brushed her hair behind her ears and fixed me with another warm smile. ‘Lain, this house is very special to your mum. Don’t you want to stay here like she did?’
‘No!’ I shook my head and glared at her. ‘And it doesn’t matter anyway! I emailed her before and told her what Linda’s been doing to me, and she’s going to call the police! You and Linda are going to be arrested and-’
‘Jake, that email went to me. I to-’ Linda began but I angrily cut her off.
‘No it didn’t! You’re lying!’
‘No she’s not.’ Rachel said and pulled a black iPhone of out her pocket, then tapped around on it. ‘She forwarded it to me before, see? I’ve read it too. It didn’t go to Elaine. It was never going to go to her.’
I stared at the screen and turned bright red, seeing my email in her inbox. It’d been forwarded from what I’d thought to be mum’s email…
‘W-w-w-’ I swallowed painfully and shook my head. ‘That-that doesn’t prove anything! You…you just hacked into her email or something then! You’re a thief!’
‘Jake.’ Linda said heavily and I turned to glare at her. ‘I know this is going to be painful for you to hear but…’
‘But what?’ I demanded when she didn’t continue.
She swallowed and looked me right in the eye. ‘Your mum…she doesn’t want to see you.’
I choked back a cry and angrily stomped my foot again. ‘What! Yes she does! That’s not true! Don’t say things like that!’
Linda looked she was about to cry and put her hands on my shoulders. I could feel them shaking slightly. ‘Do…do you know remember what happened to Ada?’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked shakily, my stomach clenching up in fear. What was going on? ‘When mum left Ada went to stay with our grandparents.’
‘No, she didn’t.’ Rachel said quietly. ‘Your grandparents hated her, remember? They hate anything to do with Elaine.’
‘S-so?’
‘She…died, Jake.’ Linda said heavily. ‘Your dad made you kill her, remember?’
…
‘What…’ I laughed softly and wiped away the tears streaming down my face. ‘That’s stupid…I didn’t…I…I…’
…
Ada screamed in pain and terror as dad pushed down harder on my hand holding the knife, making it rip into her chest. I wasn’t fighting him anymore. I was so scared of him punching me, breaking another finger or cutting me again. I didn’t want to hurt Ada but I d-
…
‘YOU KILLED MY DAUGHTER YOU SICK FUCK!’ mum screamed at me, her hands wrapped around my neck. She picked me up and slammed me down on the ground again, making my vision blur.
‘M-m-um!’ I choked and tried to grab her hands but I was so weak…
‘Don’t you dare call me that!’ she hissed and slammed on the ground again. ‘You’re a sick little monster just like your fucking father! I should have killed you the moment you came out of me! Why the fuck did you two have to be born together? Were you jealous? Was that wh-’
‘What the hell!’ Linda’s voice cried and she dived into Elaine, trying to throw her off of me. But her hands just tightened around my neck and didn’t let go. ‘Jesus Christ Elaine! Let him go!’
‘No! He needs to feel what Ada felt when he KILLED HER!’ she hissed and-
…
…
…
‘SHUT UP!’ I screamed and slammed my hands into Linda’s chest, catching her by surprise and knocking her backwards. ‘THAT’S NOT REAL! FUCK YOU!’
I jumped past her and ran towards the door, far faster than I had before. The secretary was taken by surprise as well so I was able to easily run past her and out into a rectangle hallway. It was so large that it could easily fit two of Linda’s rooms inside of it, and its floor was a smooth white marble. Two ornate brown doors were on either side of it but I ignored them and ran to the one on the far end of the hall, which was wide open and I could see a large open space through.
‘Wait!’ I heard Rachel shout from behind me. ‘Lain!’
I ran even faster and somehow managed to reach the door without her grabbing me. To my surprise I was on a balcony that circled above a massive dining room in an oval-shape, and across from me was another open door that led into a similar marbled hallway. The balcony was made out of a black wood with naked women carved into it and to my left were two sets of stairs leading down into the dining room.
I began to run for them but I’d spent too long looking around, for a strong hand grabbed my arm and I was spun around to face Rachel, who looked shocked.
‘Lain! Calm down!’ she said and tried to pull me to her, but I kicked at her and tried to tear her hand off.
‘LET GO!’ I swung at her but she grabbed my fist and gently pinned me against the hallway’s side wall. ‘GET OFF ME!’
‘Jake!’ Linda said and I saw her hurrying over, also looking shocked. ‘Please calm down.’
‘No! I didn’t kill her!’ I screamed through a sob. ‘That’s not real! IT’S NOT REAL! YOU’RE LYING!’
‘It’s true, sweetie.’ Linda said and gently pulled Rachel’s hands off of me so she could be in front of me. ‘You went to counseling, remember? In the hospital?’
I shook my head and tried to run past Linda, but my legs were shaking too badly to move now. A cold emptiness grew in my stomach and I almost vomited as the image of a painfully white hospital room appeared in my head. I’d…I had been there…I remembered police talking to me and Linda and a nurse…washing all the blood off my hands and face…
Blood….
No…no…that…no…
I whimpered and shook my head, collapsing back against the wall. ‘No I didn’t…’
‘You did, but you blocked it all out. We-’
‘WHAT!’ I screamed and pushed my hands against Linda’s sides as my legs nearly gave out. I took a steadying breath and stared up at her through my years. ‘What d-does this have to do with anything! Why are you lying about this? Why am I here?’
‘Because…’ Linda shook her head as tears of her own fell down her face. ‘Because Rachel, your mother and I were going to use Ada to…do things that’d make the world better. And you killed her, so…so we have to use you.’
‘What…’ I said and was suddenly on my knees, all the energy gone from my body. ‘You’re lying…stop saying….didn’t…didn’t kill her…’
‘Lain.’ Rachel said but it sounded so far away.
‘Jake…’ I said and found myself lying on my side. ‘I’m Jake…I…I wanna go home! Linda!’
Linda wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a warm hug. I instinctively hugged her back and rested my head on her shoulder as deep, painful sobs tore through my chest. The hatred was still there but it was so small and pointless…I needed Linda’s warmth more than I’d ever needed it before. I needed someone!
‘It’s okay sweetie…it wasn’t your fault.’ She said thickly and ran her hands down my head. ‘And your mum’s going to forgive you one day, okay? I promise. You doing this is going to make her very happy.’
I pushed deeper into Linda’s warmth. ‘I-I don’t care. I wanna to go home!’
‘This is your home now, remember?’ Linda said softly as she rubbed my hair. ‘But I’m going to visit you all the time, and bring your things here for you. All of your Pristine figurines and DVD’s and everything.’
‘You turned me into a girl.’ I sobbed, clutching her arms.
‘I know. I’m sorry.’ She blinked away tears. ‘But I…I couldn’t handle seeing you like…like you were when you killed Ada. Like your dad. I was selfish but I shouldn’t even have been your carer in the first place. Elaine…she fucked both of us over when she left.'
‘I…’ I blinked tiredly. ‘Don’t understand.’
‘I know.’ She said and kissed me on the top of the head. ‘But it’ll make sense soon. Don’t worry.’
I whimpered and closed my eyes, finally succumbing to the exhaustion. The last thing I remembered before sleep claimed me was Linda looking down at me with a sad smile, her tears dripping onto my hair.
‘Goodnight Lain.’
The End
Note:
Thank you for reading! I was trying to leave hints towards some of the things revealed in here in earlier chapters but I don't know if I did a good enough job, or if I made it too obvious. As mentioned above, this is the end of the first part. The second part will be called 'A world for Lain' and it'll be not AS depressing as this one is. It'll be happier and such.
Would you want me to continue this right away? Or never? Or just give it time to breath and post some new things? I did have some new things I was working on but then I came back to this and it took up all of my mind (which is why this came out so fast after the last chapter).
Regardless, thanks for sticking around if you were here from chapter one! I know it was a messy, kind of frantic ride in some places.
<3
BrokenFox (Anna)
Also, my cat jumped onto my keyboard trying to eat a month while I was typing this end note and I had to re-do it all again so...yeah >.> I maybe have left something out in my pussy-rage. But I still love her <3
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves something unexpected happens, and he wakes up the next day a different person.
BrokenFox
Eden's Reality
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves he stumbles across something that changes his life, and his body, forever
(All feedback is appreciated!)
Chapter 1
A plump koala stared blankly at me from the other side of the branch, slowly chewing on its eucalyptus leaf and scratching its filth-covered back. Every now and then it’d grunt with pleasure and stop chewing, its eyes misting over with what I could only assume was pleasure, but after a while it’d shake its head and go back to munching. Its white-grey fur was matted with dirt and there were bare patches around its back and stomach, making me suspect that it was either old or diseased.
‘Well, this was a gigantic waste of time.’ I muttered as I ran my hands through my blonde hair, dislodging a clump of bark that had gotten stuck in it. ‘I almost died climbing up here, you know. You could at least pretend to show some interest in me.’
The koala grunted with pleasure and its eyes glossed over so I sighed and looked down to where the ground was, some hundred meters away. I was in a gigantic eucalyptus tree deep in the woods bordering my parent’s farm, and all around me were similar trees brimming with fresh leaves blowing gently in the cool breeze. Normally I wouldn’t climb up this high because my small body wasn’t all that strong, but I’d heard the sounds of the koala grunting as I’d passed by and my imagination had gone wild. Could that sound be a cute possum with some adorable little baby possums? Or a large stray cat looking for a friend? Or maybe even a huge lizard that might let me pat it!
But, no. It was just an obese Koala with a skin infection. Great.
‘At least you’re happy, I guess.’ I said and smiling slightly. I ran my hands through my long hair again and pushed it behind my ears, enjoying not having to worry about how I looked. Usually I’d keep it down over my right side to hide the brown birth mark that streaked down my right cheek, but out here in the forest I didn’t have to worry about what people thought of how I looked. ‘To be honest though I was kinda hoping you were a possum. You’re…kinda cute in your own way I guess but possums are heaps cuter! They’re like the cats of the marsupial world. Mrrow! Meow!’
The koala continued to stare at me with its empty eyes, not caring in the slightest about anything I had to say, so I kept meowing at it. It was strangely cathartic and I didn’t exactly have anything better to do until my energy returned.
‘Eden?’ a voice called from the ground and I looked down to see Reece squinting up at me through the branches. He wasn’t hard to miss, being far taller than the average sixteen year-old and well on the way to adulthood. Today was our last day of freedom before we went to our new school so he’d joined me on my woodland adventure, along with my other best friend Alexis. We’d been hanging out by the creek but I’d wandered off and ended up here.
‘Reece!’ I called back down and smiled at him, although it was unlikely he saw it. ‘You found me!’
‘I did! What are you doing up there?’
‘I thought I saw something interesting.’ I called down and scowled at the koala, which was joyfully scratching its butt. ‘But I was wrong!’
‘Well get down! You shouldn’t be up that high!’ Reece said. ‘It’s not safe.’
‘Meow!’
‘W-what?’
‘Nothing. I’m coming down now.’ I sighed and slipped myself over to the side of the branch. While I wasn’t very tall or strong, I’d been climbing trees since I’d been able to walk on my own so I wasn’t too worried about getting down. It helped that I was wearing a pair of thick baggy jeans and a long-sleeved blue shirt too, which protect my skin from the trees jagged bark.
‘Reece?’ another voice said and Alexis walked next to him. She wasn’t as tall as Reece so I couldn’t make her out properly, but her spiky black hair was unmistakable. She’d had it cut and styled in the image of one of her favourite artists and it looked really good on her. ‘Where’s Eden?’
‘He’s up there.’ Reece pointed at me and Alexis gasped.
‘Oh god! Eden! Get down from there!’ she cried and I saw her pretty face crease in concern.
‘Meow! I’m fine!’
‘No you’re not! That’s the tree with the spiders in it, remember?’ she shouted and my stomach plummeted.
‘Oh my god!’ I gasped and stared at the thick layer of bark covering the tree. Bark that spiders loved to live under. Holy crap! I’d been so focused on seeing that stupid koala that I’d completely forgotten!
I pushed myself off the edge of the branch and onto the one below, wincing as bark crunched under my sneakers. No spiders revealed themselves though so I continued to make my way down the tree. It was large, thick and old, so I wasn’t too worried about any branches giving way under my slight weight. My panic gave me the energy I needed to be able to quickly scale down the tree.
I made it halfway before a spider appeared. I’d grabbed onto the trunk for more support getting down and it’d crumbled under my grip, revealing a thick circle of webbing and four dead huntsmen grouped together. There was a fifth one, larger than the dead ones and much darker with a reddish-black abdomen, and when it saw me it immediately raised its front legs. It seemed to be a huntsman but I didn’t exactly have the time to study it.
‘Shit!’ I screamed and jerked backwards. My feet slipped on the bark underneath me and I tumbled over the edge of the branch. For a horrifying moment I fell through the air and my heart froze, but I flailed out with my arms and managed to grab onto a smaller branch near me. Pain tore through my arm as my body’s descent was suddenly halted and I screamed, old scars on my wrist tearing open, but I somehow managed to hold on. The branch groaned under my weight and bark showered down onto me, but it somehow didn’t break. I looked down to try and find a place to drop but there wasn’t anything directly below, and while there was a decently-sized branch jutting out to the side I’d have to swing to get to it and my arm wasn’t in any shape to do so.
‘Shit! Are you okay?’ Alexis called up and I gave an affirmative growl of pain. I tried to swing my dangling arm up and onto the branch but I couldn’t muster the energy, having reached my limit.
‘Hold on! I’m coming up!’ Reece cried and I looked down to see him scaling the tree. I was still far too high up for comfort and I closed my eyes as my head swam.
‘Be careful!’ I said as I heard Reece’s feet cracking against the bark. ‘You’re heaps heavier than me, I don’t know if some of the branches can take your weight.’
‘It’ll be fine. Just keep an eye out for spiders.’
‘Okay!’ I did as he said, and froze as I saw the horrible spider from before crawling down the trunk towards me, its front legs still held high. What the hell! ‘Holy crap! You asshole!’
‘What?’ Alexis asked.
‘The spider’s chasing me!’ I cried as it crept closer, its dark eyes shining with hatred. ‘And it’s pissed!’
‘Can you get over here?’ Reece asked and I saw him standing on the branch diagonally beneath me, his arms outstretched.
‘I don’t know! My arm is really sore!’ I said and looked back to where the spider was. ‘Uhm! But I can try! Do you think I’ll die if I miss and fall from this height?’
Reece looked down and then shrugged. ‘Yeah, probably. But you’re not going to fall, I’m going to catch you.’
A strained whimper escaped my lips. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes! Now come on!’
‘I-dammit! Okay!’ I gasped, seeing the spider a few centimetres from my hand. ‘I’m coming now!’
I swung back and forth a couple of times to get some momentum and then let go, flying towards Reece at a faster pace than I expected. He didn’t waver though and easily caught me in his arms, absorbing the impact with his legs.
‘I got you!’ he said triumphantly, placing me down next to him and brushing his black hair clear from his eyes. His face was broad and handsome, with the beginnings of a light moustache lining his top lip and making him look rather more mature than he actually was. His eyes were youthful though, a dark hazel that shone kindly whenever he smiled.
‘You saved me!’ I cried and threw my arms around him. He was so tall though that I only managed to reach his shoulders. ‘You’re amazing!’
‘Yeah, I know.’ he grinned. ‘Always saving your ass, huh?’
‘Mm!’ I beamed. I’d first met Reece in year seven when he’d saved me from a psychotic plover that hadn’t liked my attempts to hug it, and we’d become friends a few days later when I’d gotten stuck on the gym roof trying to catch a dragonfly and he’d carried me down to safety. He’d proclaimed himself my bodyguard after that and had proceeded to do his best to keep me out of trouble, which hadn’t gone as well as he’d hoped.
‘Jesus!’ he whistled, looking past me. ‘That’s one huge huntsman.’
I spun around and saw the spider glaring down at us from the branch I’d just vacated, unable to get down to us.
‘Hah! Screw you!’ I made a rude gesture at it and grinned triumphantly. ‘You failed, you stupid jerk! No gross spider’s going to be killing me today!’
‘If that really is a huntsman then it wouldn’t have killed you.’ Alexis said from below us. ‘Their bites just hurt and give you a headache, remember? They’re not lethal.’
I deflated a bit. ‘W-well, that’s true but, it could crawl into my mouth and bite my stomach!’
‘It…could, yes…’ Alexis said slowly. ‘That’s pretty unlikely though.’
‘This one was planning to do it! I can see it in its eyes!’ I said and the spider raised its front legs again. ‘See!’
‘Wouldn’t it die in your stomach acid though?’ Reece asked.
‘It’s prepared to die to kill me!’
‘I don’t th-fuck!’ Reece cried, scooping me up in his arms and placing me on his back. I squeaked in surprise and tried to get down but he held me steady. ‘Don’t! The spider’s gonna jump!’
‘What! It can’t get over here!’ I said, grabbing him around the neck. ‘It’s a –holy crap!’
The spider squished itself down on the log and then rocketed off, flying towards us like some kind of tiny skeletal possum.
Reece jumped down to a lower branch and carefully lowered himself down to another, not at all hampered by my weight. The spider landed exactly where we’d been and then jumped again after a couple of seconds.
Reece got to the lowest branch and tapped my back, so I slipped off and landed safely onto the soft grassy undergrowth. He jumped down next to me and then spun around to look back at the branch he’d just vacated. The spider had just missed us, landing with an uncomfortably audible squish, and crawled to the edge of the branch to stare down at us. It didn’t make a move to jump again though and I relaxed, assuming that it had just wanted to scare me out of the tree.
‘Whoa! That’s not a huntsman!’ Alexis said, coming up next to us. She was half-Japanese and almost as tall as Reece but not as large. Her short, styled hair framed her round face and helped make her light blue eyes shine. She was similar clothes to me, thick jeans and a long-sleeved red shirt, but she also had a pair of silver studs in her large ears and a short gold chain around her neck.
‘What is it then?’ I asked and looked at her as she frowned in thought. Alexis knew far more about animals and insects than I did, despite her living in the city. She loved exploring the wilderness just as much as I did and sketching the many creatures we uncovered.
‘I don’t know. Is it some kind of tarantula?’ she scratched her head thoughtfully. ‘It kinda looks like a funnel-web but they don’t live in trees.’
‘Well, whatever it is, it’s going to die.’ Reece said, picking up a fallen branch from the undergrowth.
‘Wait!’ Alexis and I gasped at the same time.
Reece frowned at us. ‘What? Why? It chased us all the way down here!’
‘Yeah, but it doesn’t seem to care now that we’re out of the tree.’ I pointed out. ‘And it’s got every right to be angry with me, I did accidentally destroy its home. Murdering it after that would just be mean.’
‘It tried to kill you!’
‘Mm, but I’m not dead so it’s okay!’ I beamed.
‘It’s really cruel to kill spiders we find outside.’ Alexis said, grabbing hold of the stick Reece was brandishing. ‘It’d be like breaking into someone’s home and then shooting them in the face for being ugly.’
He grimaced for a moment and then relented, letting Alexis take the stick from him. ‘Fine. Let’s just get out of here then. It’s creeping me out, just sitting there staring at us.’
‘Good idea.’ Alexis said, taking out her iPhone. ‘I just want to take a photo so I can look it up later.’
‘Are you going to sketch it when we get home?’ I asked her and she nodded.
‘Yep! I think I left one of my sketch pads at your place last week?’
‘You did! The one with the drawings of those super cute baby ducks we saw at the creek.’ I smiled at the memory. ‘I wish they’d have been there today.’
‘They’ve probably all grown up by now.’ Reece said and I nodded sadly. Ducks just weren’t as cute as ducklings. ‘Anyway, come on. It’s starting to get dark and I don’t want to be anywhere near that spider at night.’
Alexis finished taking her photos and we began heading off, a cool breeze rustling the multitude of leaves around us. I stopped for a moment and smiled at the spider. ‘You were much more exciting than that koala! Thanks for not making my trip a giant waste of time.’
It stared at me for a moment and then raised its front legs in what almost looked like a gesture of goodbye. I grinned at it and waved back, then blinked as I realised there was blood on my hand. I pulled up my sleeve and saw that some of the old cuts on my wrist had indeed been torn open when I’d grabbed onto the branch, and blood was slowly leaking out of them. It…hurt…
Nobody will know if you’re dead. You can’t hurt anyone if you’re dead.
I flinched and angrily rubbed them against the back of my jeans, then slipped my sleeve back up and hurried after Reece and Alexis.
It’ll only hurt for a moment.
I caught up to my friends at an offshoot of the creek, one that cut through the woods and led to my house. The woods we were in were quite large and I’d never managed to make it out the other side and see what was there, although according to mum there was just a large highway and some factories. Nothing I was particularly interested in.
‘It feels so weird, knowing this was my last day here.’ I said as I jumped along a row of rocks next to the creek bank. ‘The holidays went by really fast.’
‘They did, but I’m so excited!’ Alexis said, walking a few paces behind me with Reece. ‘We finally get to go to Sanders after all this time!’
I shrugged and continued hopping from rock to rock. We’d all applied and been accepted into Sanders Grammar, a private boarding school that had the reputation of being one of the best in the country for aspiring athletes to attend. Reece had enrolled so he could join the basketball team and train under their coach but Alexis and I were more interested in the electives the school offered. While the school was primarily known for its sports it also had a large focus on the arts as well, offering some electives that few other schools in the area did. Alexis was interested in their biology and digital media classes, hoping to increase her knowledge about wildlife and improve her photography skills, whereas I was captivated by their cartooning course.
I’d loved visual storytelling ever since mum had read me storybooks at bedtime when I was a child, but my interest had truly blossomed when she’d bought me a massive Introduction to Comics compendium for my seventh birthday. It had showcased a huge variety of different graphic novel styles, from the superhero genre to the abstract, and I’d spent the next couple of years pouring over it and buying all books it suggested within.
I’d tried to create my own comics but my drawings skills were pretty bad and I wasn’t all that good at scriptwriting or planning ahead, so the chance to actually study was one of the most amazing things I could imagine.
Plus, it meant that I could finally escape from here, and I’d jump at that opportunity even if it didn’t come with a cartooning course.
‘I’m excited too.’ I said after a moment, jumping off the rocks to walk next to Reece. ‘I’m just not sure what to expect. I hope the person who teaches the cartooning class is nice, I wish I’d got to meet them when I was there.’
‘Same! I wish I’d gotten to see Leons when I was there.’ Reece said wistfully, referring to the basketball coach he was hoping to play under. ‘Did you know he makes individual training schedules for all of his players? How awesome is that?! It’s like what the pro coaches do to their players, in the NBA. It’s going to be so amazing! ’
‘You have to try out to get on the team though, don’t you? Do you think it’ll be hard?’ I asked, scratching my sore arm.
‘It’ll be hard, yeah, but I think it’ll be fine.’ Reece grinned. ‘You know how good I am.’
‘What happens if you don’t though?’ Alexis asked. ‘What’ll you do then?’
‘Ehh.’ he shrugged. ‘I’ll still have two more years after this one to join. Even just having him coach me for one year is enough to put me on the fast track to go pro.’
‘Have you been training then?’ Alexis asked and he blushed slightly.
‘Y-yeah…a little bit. I’ve been having these special protein shakes every morning and night, they’re supposed to help you put on weight that’ll turn into muscle mass or something.’ He scratched the back of his head. ‘I don’t know if they’re working to be honest, but I do feel stronger. I think.’
‘That’s your training?’ Alexis smirked. ‘Drinking two protein shakes a day?’
‘It’s better than nothing.’ Reece said defensively. ‘A-’
‘Can I try one?’ I cut in eagerly. ‘I want to join the basketball team too! Do you they’d make me bigger?’
‘Ah...’ Reece looked down at me, his expression softening. ‘I don’t know Eden…I don’t think they’d do much for you.’
‘Why not?’
‘Aren’t you supposed to stick to the meal plan your doctor gave you?’ Alexis asked. ‘You probably shouldn’t drink some weird protein shake just in case it messes with it.’
I grimaced and stopped walking, frustration starting to rise up in me. For a long time now, since I was six, my body had been struggling to develop properly. Due to various…events…in my childhood I had grown slower than most other kids my age. Mum had tried to take me to a doctor but dad had constantly refused, asserting that all I needed was to work hard on the farm and eat lots of meat.
Things got worse though and I ended up in hospital last year, where I finally got to see a doctor. After a lot of physical and mental inspections he suggested that I see a child psychologist, amongst other things.
Unsurprisingly…dad refused to let me see them! So instead the doctor created a meal plan for me in the hopes that eating healthily and regularly would kick-start my body’s development.
It had kind of worked in that I was able to concentrate more on schoolwork and I began to develop stronger muscles in my upper body, but I was still small and had trouble putting on weight. The doctor had said that when I eventually hit puberty I’d start growing, but I had no idea when that would be and neither did he.
The doctor had wanted to do follow-ups and take blood tests but dad had only let me see him once, so I hadn’t gotten the chance to learn what was going on with my body. As it was, right now I was fourteen but I looked like I was ten and as far as I knew I hadn’t started puberty yet.
‘Eden?’ Alexis asked and I jumped, realising that I’d fallen silent for a while.
‘Yes! Sorry!’ I said and hurried over to where they were waiting. ‘What were you saying?’
‘Your meal plan.’
‘Oh. Yeah.’ I shrugged. ‘I guess I probably shouldn’t add a weird protein shake into the mix.’
‘They’re not weird. They’re just healthy.’ Reece muttered. ‘Definitely nothing like that disgusting meaty casserole stew thing your dad used to make you eat.’
I shivered at the memory. ‘Oh god. Don’t remind me about that. I used to throw that up every time he made it for me.’
‘I threw it up too when he made me have some.’ Reece said, shivering as well. ‘He is seriously the worst.’
Alexis made a disgusted expression. ‘Ugh. Is he going to be home tonight?
‘No! He’s at some livestock festival and won’t be back until late. He won’t even be here for dinner!’ I beamed. ‘Are you still staying for it? Mum’s making us roast chicken!’
‘Ooh! I’m definitely staying for that.’ Alexis looked at Reece. ‘What about you?’
‘I can’t. My parents are throwing this going away barbecue for me tonight.’ he said with a smile. ‘Most of my family’s going to be there and we had a guy around to clean the pool last week so we can finally use it again.’
‘Wow. That’s pretty cool.’ Alexis said, sounding slightly jealous.
‘Yeah. Dad never misses a chance to celebrate.’ Reece grinned. ‘It’s going to be really fun.’
‘If my parents did something like that for me I’d make it much harder to leave them.’ Alexis said and he nodded.
‘It’s…yeah…leaving is actually a lot harder than I thought it would be.’ He admitted. ‘I think I’m going to get homesick pretty fast.’
‘You’ll be able to go home on weekends and term breaks.’ Alexis smiled.
‘And you’ll have me as your roommate!’ I said excitedly and pulled on his arm. ‘Remember what you said? We’re gonna play board games every night and eat heaps of chocolate and soft drink!’
‘That’s right!’ Reece said and patted me on the head. ‘It won’t be so bad with you around.’
‘I don’t think junk food is going to help with your meal plan, Eden.’ Alexis frowned.
‘The doctor said that it was okay in moderation, so long as it helps me put on weight.’
‘Every night isn’t moderation. You’ll get sick, Eden.’
‘I will?’ I asked worriedly and she nodded. ‘W-what about every second night then?’
‘Nu-uh! We’re going to have board-game and chocolate parties every night!’ Reece laughed and grinned at Alexis. ‘And you’ll be in the girls dorm so you can’t do anything about it.’
‘She can come and join us!’ I said but Reece shook his head.
‘No she can’t. Girls aren’t allowed in the boys dorm and vice versa.’
‘What? Why not?’
Reece raised an eyebrow. ‘Because the staff are worried about students fooling around, amongst other things.’
‘Fooling around?’
‘Se-’ Reece started saying but Alexis cut him off with a sharp gesture, making him jerk guiltily. ‘Oh! Shit! Sorry!’
‘What?’ I asked in confusion.
‘Don’t worry about it.’ Alexis said quickly. ‘It’s not really important.’
‘I don’t und-’
‘What do you want to do when we get back to your place?’ she asked over me. ‘I was thinking that after I sketch the spider we could do some drawings together? Maybe finish off that comic we were making about the lost kitten?’
I gasped. It was ridiculously obvious that she was deliberately changing the subject but there was no way I could resist her offer. We’d been working on the kitten comic for nearly a year and never got around to finishing it, and I wasn’t about to pass up the chance to finally get it done.
‘Yes! Yes!’ I said and impulsively hugged her. ‘You know what we should do? When we finish it we should get mum to make a copy for us and put them up in our dorm rooms!’
‘That’s a great idea!’ Alexis said, her eyes shining. ‘I want to colour it then! Do you think we’ll have enough time for that? I want to redo the first scene too, and add the kitten’s mum in so…’
Alexis and I lost ourselves in the beautiful world of comics and Reece walked alongside us, every now and then commenting on something we’d said but not really following the conversation.
Chapter 2
The woods eventually thinned out and led into a large grassy paddock where my dad kept most of his cows, large black angus that spent their lives wandering around and devouring grass. They were about as exciting as the koala had been and we didn’t pay much attention to them as we passed, nor they us, but I did glare at a particularly large one that almost bowled me over as it lumbered over to the water trough. I tried to angrily shove it away but ended up slipping over and splatting against its side, much to Reece and Alexis’s amusement. The cow hadn’t even noticed.
We reached my house just as the last strands of light started to fade. It was nestled between an old shearing shed and another paddock for the bulls, and had a small front yard that was pretty much just a square dirt patch. The house itself was a two-storey monstrosity that was over a hundred years old. My dad’s great-great-grandparents had built it when they’d begun breeding cattle and it’d been passed down through the West family ever since. It had originally been made out of red bricks and concrete but had been renovated and repaired so many times over the years that it was now a hodgepodge of random materials. Thick brown timber had been used to replace sections of the walls that had been weakened over the years and white clay was used to replace any single bricks that had crumbled or come loose. The majority of the right side of the house had had collapsed during a heavy storm and had been replaced with a limestone wall for some reason, and nobody had bothered to place windows in it.
‘Alright. I’m gonna head off.’ Reece said as he slammed the cows rusty paddock gate shut behind us. ‘I’ll catch the bus at the end of the road, th-.’
‘Oh! You don’t have to do that.’ I said and ran in front of him. ‘You should ask mum to drive you home, I’m sure she’d be happy to.’
‘Nah, it’s okay. I want to chill out with some music on the way home.’ he said and ruffled my hair, knocking a twig out of it. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow! We’re meeting outside the school at three, okay? Don’t be late!’
‘I won’t! Mum’s going to drive me down so everything’s going to be fine. We’re having lunch together and she’s going to buy me a soft toy possum to keep me company!’ I beamed. ‘But if I am late don’t decorate the room until I get there, you promised that we’d do it together!’
‘I know, I haven’t forgotten. Don’t stress.’ He smiled and looked at Alexis. ‘Do you know who your roommate is going to be yet?’
‘No.’ she said with a small grimace. ‘I have no idea who I’m going to be living with.’
‘Awh, well I’m sure it’ll be fine.’ he said. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow too, yeah? Or if not then definitely on Monday.’
‘Yep! Seeya then!’
‘Bye Reece!’ I said and hugged him. ‘I hope you enjoy your party.’
‘I always do.’ He grinned and then walked off; waving at us before disappearing behind a row of large hedges that lined the road.
‘Right!’ Alexis said and began walking to the front door. ‘Let’s get to work!’
‘Aye!’ I hurried after her. ‘I’ll have to wash myself first though, and I’m really hungry! Did you want something to eat? Mum bought me these amazing biscuits, the have marshmallow in the middle and sprinkles on top!’
‘That sounds good to me!’ she said and pulled open the rusting wire door.
The inside of the house was in stark contrast to the outside: the wooden floorboards were finely polished, the cream walls perfectly maintained and the ceiling only had a couple of cracks in it. Mum and I loved collecting old paintings and we’d lined most of the walls with our findings. The majority of them were of animals we both loved, such as lambs, kittens and crabs, but there were a few scenery paintings as well, depicting lush forests and beautiful oceans.
Most of the furniture was very old, probably as old as the house, and it gave the house a very archaic feeling. The only really recent purchases were the massive TV in the living room dad had bought to watch football on and all of the black couches in there. Dad liked to have friends over to watch sports and wanted the room to be as presentable as possible.
‘Eden? Is that you?’ mums voice called from the kitchen and I skipped past Alexis down to the end of the long entrance hallway.
‘Hi mum!’ I said as I bounced into the kitchen, where she was in the middle of cutting up some vegetables. There were two large windows on the opposite side of the room and the last of the sun’s rays were shining through, illuminating the white tiles and making the kitchen seem to almost glow.
‘Hey munchkin!’ she smiled, putting down the knife and coming over to me. She was tall, like everyone else in my family, and had flowing blonde hair similar to mine, just slightly lighter. Her face was soft and petite but had a hardness about it that was intensified whenever she got angry. We slightly resembled each other as I’d inherited her blue eyes and thin eyebrows, but my large nose and thin lips belonged to dad. ‘How was your last day?’
I considered telling her about the spider and how I’d almost fallen to my death, but decided that was a pretty bad idea so just smiled happily. ‘It was great! Nothing dangerous happened at all! I’m fine!’
‘That’s a suspicious way of putting it.’ Mum said, her eyes narrowing.
‘N-no it’s not!’ I said just as Alexis walked in. ‘Look! Alexis is here!’
‘I am! Hey Mrs West!’ she said, a bright smile lighting up her face. ‘How are you?’
‘I’m good thanks Alexis.’ Mum returned the smile, making Alexis’s cheeks redden slightly. ‘How are you?’
‘I-I’m good too!’ Alexis said, somewhat awkwardly. She’d been acting weird around mum for quite a while now and I wasn’t sure why. ‘You look really good today. Are those new clothes?’
‘They are! I’m surprised you noticed.’ Mum said and patted her sides. She was wearing a pair of black shorts and a likewise black tank top underneath her usual white cooking apron. Mum had a slim, curvy body so the clothes did make her look good but I hadn’t really noticed and was surprised Alexis had. ‘I bought them yesterday to replace the dress that someone cut up to get materials for a pair of gloves.’
I blushed as mum glared at me. ‘I said I was sorry! I thought it was a rag!’
‘I wore that dress all the time!’
‘I didn’t recognize it!’
‘How could you not recognize it?’
‘I don’t pay attention to what you wear!’
‘Why were you trying to make gloves?’ Alexis laughed.
‘Oh! I forgot to tell you!’ I said excitedly. ‘I found a bunch of super-cute little frogs in a muddy pond in the back paddock and I wanted to play with them, but I was scared I was going to get warts so I needed protection!’
‘Frogs don’t give you warts.’ Alexis said. ‘Who told you that?’
‘His father.’ Mum muttered darkly.
‘He was wrong though! I didn’t manage to make gloves so I just played with them bare-handed and my hands are fine, see?’ I held them up to show Alexis my wart-free hands.
‘So you ruined my dress for nothing.’ Mum sighed and I blushed again.
‘I’m really sorry! I wouldn’t have cut them up if I had of know it was yours.’
‘Next time ask me before you decided to cut something up, okay? I don’t want to lose any more of my favourite clothes.’
‘I will. I promise.’ I said solemnly and mum put a hand on the shoulder.
‘I hope you keep that promise.’ she said and her grip on my shoulder tightened, ‘Because if you cut another hole in one of my dresses then I’m going to cut a hole in you, understand?’
‘Y-yes.’ I swallowed. ‘I understand.’
‘Good boy!’ she smiled and released my shoulder. ‘Now, where’s Reece? Is he still outside?’
‘Oh, he had to go home so he went to the bus stop.’ Alexis answered.
‘He caught the bus? I’d have been happy to give him a ride home.’
‘I know! I said you would be!’ I said sadly. ‘He wanted to have alone time on the bus with his music though.’
‘Ah. That’s understandable. I imagine he won’t be getting much alone time in the coming months.’ Mum said and patted my cheeks. ‘He’s going to be sharing a room with you, after all.’
‘Yeah!’ I beamed. ‘We’re going to be together all the time!’
‘Are you going to stay for dinner?’ mum asked Alexis. ‘I’m making a whole chicken so there’s plenty to go around.’
‘I’d love to stay! My parents are going to pick me up around eight though…’
‘I should have dinner ready by then so that’s fine.’ Mum smiled. ‘Now, I picked up some muffins on the way home. Would you two like some?’
‘Yes please!’ Alexis said loudly. ‘I haven’t eaten since breakfast.’
‘What are they?’ I asked warily, scared that they might have something horrible in them like blueberries or raisins.
‘Chocolate banana.’ Mum said and looked me over as I clapped my hands in excitement. ‘You need to have a shower and change into some clean clothes before you eat though. You’re covered in dirt and grass and…other things.’
‘Do I have to?’ I asked and mum frowned at me. ‘Okay! Fine. I’ll be back in a minute!’
I hurried off towards the stairs that led up to the second floor. It was where my bedroom was, along with an office where I did my homework and my own personal bathroom. It pretty much belonged to me and was one of the few places in the house where I felt truly safe. That probably had something to do with the fact that my bedroom could be safely locked from the inside.
I walked into the bathroom and threw off my clothes, then looked in the mirror to check for any stray spiders. It wasn’t a good idea for me to stare at my naked body too long, especially my lower half, so I made sure to inspect myself as quickly as possible. I’d gotten relatively used to the cuts along my wrist but the ones on my waist and thighs still upset me if I caught sight of them, so I refused to look down there most of the time.
I shot a quick glance at my upper body and to my surprise actually found something that shouldn’t be there, the small red and black corpse of a ladybug.
‘Owh.’ I said sadly and gently picked it up. ‘Where’d you come from? I hope I didn’t kill you.’
I looked at its red, unmoving body for a moment in the hopes that it wasn’t dead, but I noticed a large hole in its back, probably caused by a spiders bite. It was weird that it wasn’t webbed though, but maybe it’d fallen out of one when I’d scrambled out of the tree.
‘Sorry little buddy.’ I put it in the sink and washed it away. ‘I hope your death wasn’t too painful.’
I watched it wash away, turned off the facet and then screamed as I saw someone standing behind me in the mirror’s reflection.
‘Oh god! What the hell!’
Jon was standing behind me!
‘What are you doing in here by yourself, little girl?’ he asked softly, a smile lighting up his messily unshaven face. He put a thick arm around my shoulders and leant down to kiss the side of my face, while his other hand rubbed my stomach and fell lower…and lower… ‘Were you waiting to see me?’
‘No!’ I threw myself backwards in an attempt to shove him off of me, but I instead just crashed into the ground. I cried out in confusion and crawled backwards against the wall as my head spun and dark lines streaked across my vision. ‘Don’t touch me!’
I could feel his cold hands, grabbing me, pulling me…going into my mouth, thickening as they went down and cut off my breathing. I clutched at my throat and started gasping for air, feeling like I was choking.
‘Struggling will only make it worse.’ Jon’s voice came from somewhere above me. ‘You should know that by now. Just let it in. It’ll make you feel real good one day. Just like a real girl.’
‘Get off me! Get off-’ I screamed and then my stomach erupted in pain as his fist rammed into it. I gagged and fell over, the contents of my stomach spewing out of my mouth and onto the clothes I’d just discarded. I pushed myself away from it, and then screamed again as Jon’s hands grabbed my shoulder. ‘No! No! GET OFF ME!’
‘Eden! It’s me!’ mum’s voice broke over my cries and she turned me around to face her. ‘Calm down! It’s okay! It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you.’
‘Oh my god!’ Relief flooded through me and I dived into her. ‘Mum! Jon was here!’
‘No he wasn’t.’ she said and pushed me back a bit so she could look me in the eye.
‘Yes he was! He was right there!’ I cried and pointed to the sink. ‘He touched me! He…’
‘No one was here, Eden.’ Mum said calmly. ‘You’re seeing things again.’
‘I wasn’t! He was here, I felt him! His hands and…and him! I felt him!’ I shouted. ‘He was real! I’m not lying!’
‘I’m not saying you are, but there was nobody else in here.’ Mum pushed my hair behind my ears and smiled sadly. ‘This has happened before, sweetie. I know it felt real but it wasn’t, I saw you struggling just before you threw up. You were alone.’
‘I…but…’ I gestured weakly at the sink again.
‘It wasn’t real. You were imagining him again.’
Again? Again…
A-oh. Oh.
This had happened before. Like once a month since I’d gotten out of hospital last year. I should have remembered but…I’d gotten lost in the panic and had forgotten. Again. Just like what always happened.
Jon hadn’t been here. I’d imagined him.
Crap.
My face flushed as reality crashed down onto me. I was clutching to mum while naked and there was a pool of vomit behind me. The fear drained out of my body and was replaced with pure shame. Such a familiar feeling these days.
‘Oh…’ I pulled away from her and covered my lap with my arms. ‘I’m s-sorry.’
‘You don’t have to apologise.’ Mum said softly. ‘Have you calmed down now?’
‘Yeah. C-can you turn away for a moment?’ I asked and she thankfully did so, letting me grab a towel and cover myself up. I looked mournfully at my tainted clothes and grimaced. ‘I threw up…’
‘I’ll clean it up, don’t worry.’
‘I’m really sorry.’ I said miserably.
‘Don’t be.’ Mum turned around and looked as miserable as I did. ‘I know you can’t help it. You’re still hurting.’
‘I’m…’ I trailed off, not wanting to admit that I actually was hurting but feeling like it was pointless to deny it.
Mum smiled and put a hand to my cheek. ‘Do you remember me suggesting that you see one of the councillors at Sanders?’
I squirmed uncomfortably. ‘I do.’
‘Are you going to?’
‘W-well, I’m going to see one the doctors there like you said! I know that’s really important.’
‘So is seeing a councillor.’ Mum said patiently. ‘You need to be talking to someone about what happened, otherwise incidents like this will keep happening.’
‘I can’t talk to a stranger about… this stuff.’ I finished unevenly, the very thought making me uncomfortable.
‘You can’t talk to me about it either though.’ Mum said and the raised her hand as I began to speak. ‘And I understand why, don’t worry! God, if something like that happened to me the last person I’d want to speak to about it would be my mother. But you need to be speaking to someone, and the councillors at Sanders are supposed to be very good. Plus, everything is confidential so your father won’t find out, and even if he somehow does he won’t be able to do anything about it.’
Her voice hardened as she finished and I decided that it wouldn’t be a good idea to disagree with her, so I nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll…look into it.’
‘Thankyou.’ Mum smiled and hugged me. ‘I promise you Eden, it will help so much having someone to talk to, someone who you can trust but don’t see all the time. Like a friend that y-’
‘Ah! Alexis!’ I gasped, suddenly remembering that my friend was in the house. I looked past mum to see if she was watching from the doorway but it was empty. ‘Where is she?’
‘I told her to stay downstairs when we heard you cry out.’ Mum said gently. ‘Don’t worry, she understands.’
‘Ah…’ Alexis had seen me like this on more than a few occasions, much to my shame. It was so much more embarrassing to have her clam me down and comfort me than it was mum. Alexis was only two years older than me, I shouldn’t be burdening her with this kind of stuff. ‘I should go see her.’
‘Are you okay to have a shower now then?’ mum asked and I grimaced, hoping she’d let me off from having one. I really didn’t want to be alone in this room again.
‘Uhm…’
‘If something happens I’ll be right downstairs, okay?’ she said and hugged me tighter. ‘And I’ll send Alexis up with some muffins and a can of coke.’
‘Oh!’ I perked up a bit at that last part.
‘You’ll be okay by yourself?’
‘Yes!’ I squashed her tightly and then stood up. ‘I feel much better now.’
‘I’m glad.’ Mum smiled, getting a bag out of the sink cupboard and putting my clothes in it. ‘I’ll probably just throw these out, to be honest. You’ve got more than enough jeans and shirts like this.’
‘I’m fine with that.’ I said and she nodded. ‘Thankyou mum! I love you.’
‘I love you too sweetie.’ She smiled and kissed me on the forehead. ‘I’ll call you down to dinner in an hour.’
Once she was gone I ran to the shower and turned it on, but didn’t go in. There was no way I was getting naked in here again after what had just happened, but luckily I was well practiced in the art of faking a shower.
After the water had been running for a minute I shoved my head under the stream and massaged the water into it, then poked my legs in for good measure. When I pulled my head back out water streamed down my body and soaked into the towel, making it look like I’d just finished drying myself off. I shook my head as violently as possible to clear it of water and then bounced out of the room, satisfied that I’d at least cleaned some parts of my body.
My bedroom was far cleaner than it normally would have been due to mum and I having packed up everything that I needed for school a few days ago. Most of the things we’d stored away had been clothes and textbooks, but I’d packed up most of my graphic novels and video games to take with me as well. Two large wheeled suitcases lay next to my queen-sized bed and opposite that sat my now-empty bookshelf, looking lonely and forlorn.
I perused my wardrobe for some decent clothes that hadn’t been packed away and decided upon a pair of jeans similar to the ones I’d just been wearing and a long-sleeved green shirt with a stupid-looking white dog on the front. Mum had bought them when I was ten and they still fit me, much to my dismay. It’d been years since I’d grown enough to need new clothes.
Once I was dressed I went over to my desk, which was as messy as always. It was covered in half-finished drawings of various animals and buildings with markers littered all over the place. Recently I’d been trying to work on a story about a young girl who’d found a baby snake in the city and raised it up as her best friend, but I’d had trouble drawing the snake and so, like always, gave up on it. I was desperately hoping that the cartooning course at Sanders would help me with that. I’d abandoned so many stories over the years due to either becoming disheartened at my drawings or losing interest half-way through. I loved coming up with stories and writing down summaries and scripts but the moment it came to actually putting those ideas into pictures I faltered. A part of me was scared that I’d never be able to draw well and I’d end up having to partner up with another person to create comics. While I didn’t mind doing that with Alexis on little projects, my dream had always been to be able to write and draw my own series of graphic novels. The idea of holding a graphic novel in my hands that had been written and drawn by me, and was being bought and read by other people, made me unbelievably excited.
I was in the middle of trying to clean up the desk when there was a knock at the door, and after a moment Alexis came in with a plate bearing two muffins and some cans of coke.
‘Hey!’ she smiled warmly. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘I’m fine.’ I blushed.
‘Good!’ she sat down the bed and offered up the plate. ‘Want a muffin?’
‘Yes please.’ I sat onto the bed next to her and grabbed one of the muffins. It was twice the size of my hand, full of chocolate chips and deliciously moist.
‘We should have about an hour to finish our comic.’ Alexis said as she chomped on her muffin. ‘That might be enough time to get it done.’
I smiled up at her, immensely grateful that she wasn’t going to bring up what had happened to me in the shower. ‘Did you still want to sketch the spider?’
‘Nah, I can do that at home tomorrow.’
‘Okay! We should work in the office then, I w-’
‘Wait! You’re soaking!’ Alexis gasped and grabbed my hair, which made a squelching sound. ‘Did you even dry yourself?’
‘Yeah! I was in a hurry though so I mightn’t have done a very good job.’ I said casually.
‘You can’t draw while your hairs this wet, it’ll drip onto the paper and ruin it.’ She grabbed the towel off the ground and sat behind me. ‘Don’t move.’
‘I can dry it myself!’ I grumbled but didn’t resist as she ran the towel down my hair. It felt really nice.
‘Jeeze, there’s so many knots in here. When was the last time you brushed it?’
‘I don’t know. I think maybe when we got our last school portraits taken?’
‘That was almost a year ago!’ She cried and I laughed at the horror in her voice.
‘It’s fine! My hair doesn’t need to be brushed.’
‘Uh…yes it does.’ she said and ran her hand between two tangled locks, making me squeak in pain. ‘If you’re going to have your hair this long you need to take care of it.’
‘Reece says that it looks manlier if it’s messy and all over the place like this.’
‘Well, that’s kinda true…but it also makes you look like a crazy homeless kid’
‘Oww!’ I yelped as she tore apart another group of knots. ‘I’d rather look like a crazy homeless kid than be mistaken for a girl again.’
‘That still happens though, doesn’t it?’
‘Only when someone is looking at my back and hears me speaking. Once I turn and look at them they figure it out.’ I said with a satisfied smile, which immediately faded away. ‘Nobody ever believes that I’m fourteen though. Do you remember that fill-in teacher we had for maths last year, Mr Beech?’
‘The one who sent you to the principal’s office because he thought you were a year seven who’d infiltrated his classroom?’ Alexis said and to my annoyance I could her the amusement in her voice.
‘It’s not funny!’
‘Sorry!’ Alexis said, but I could tell that she was still smiling. ‘I know it annoys you, but sometimes it is funny. Remember when we went on a field trip to the natural museum and you got mixed in with that primary school and ended up spending the whole day with them?’
‘Oh.’ I did smile at that. ‘That was a really fun day! I got to watch that awesome movie about dinosaurs with them and even got a free lunch! And I helped cheer up this sad little boy who was being picked on for being overweight!’
‘Didn’t you only do that so he’d give you some of his chocolate biscuits?’
‘Wha-you ask too many questions!’ I said and tried to pull away from her, but she grabbed my shoulders and pulled me backwards.
‘Hold on, let me finish.’ she said and began drying my hair again.
‘Urgh! Aren’t you done yet?’
‘It’d be going a lot faster if you’d stop squirming about.’
‘It’s taking ages!’
‘It’s only been like two minutes…’
‘That’s nearly half of five minutes!’
‘That’s…true…’
‘I’m outta here!’ I gasped and jumped off the bed and out of her grip.
‘Oi! Stop!’ she jumped up and managed to grab me just before I’d escaped out the door, her legs far longer than mine. I squealed and struggled out of her grip and escaped into the hallway, but tripped over myself in my excitement and crashed onto the ground. Alexis laughed and sat down on me before I could recover, then proceeded to squeeze my sides.
‘Ah! No!’ I shrieked with laughter and chomped down on one of her hands. ‘Sopph if!’
‘Oww! You little ferret!’ she cried and promptly bit one of my hands.
I yelped and she pulled her hand free, then proceeded to tickle me even worse than before
We struggled around for a while, shouting and laughing at each out in a sugar-fuelled explosion of craziness. Alexis was far stronger than me and was careful not to injure me, but I had no such problems and play-attacked her with full force. It was a bit embarrassing how weak I was compared to her but that made it more fun, not having to worry about accidentally hurting her.
We finally stopped when I ran out of breath and collapsed on top of her with exhaustion. We were both red-faced, which reminded me of something.
‘Why were you acting weird with mum before?’
‘What?’ Alexis pushed herself up so I slipped down onto her legs. ‘What do you mean weird?’
‘Like, you were acting embarrassed for some reason. Or nervous?’ Alexis’s cheeks reddened slightly and I gasped. ‘Ah! Like that!’
‘You’re imagining things.’ she said, rubbing her cheeks.
‘No I’m not. You even noticed that she w-’
I froze as a horrifyingly familiar sound came from outside. The sound I’d dreaded hearing every single day of my life.
The sound of dads ute coming up the driveway.
Oh no.
Eden's Reality
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves he stumbles across something that changes his life, and his body, forever
(All feedback is very much appreciated!)
Chapter 3
‘Crap!’ I pushed myself off Alexis and walked into the bedroom, my legs shaking.
‘Was that your dad’s car?’ she asked, following me into the bedroom and closing the door. ‘Your mum said he wasn’t going to be home tonight!’
‘He’s supposed to be at a livestock show on the other side of the city, and then at a bar getting drunk!’
Alexis and I shared a concerned look. Dad hated her. When we’d been in kindergarten dad and Alexis’s parents had gotten into a massive fight and he’d banned me from ever seeing her again. She and I had drifted apart as both of us were terrified of dad seeing us together, but we’d reconnected in year nine and a year later dad had magnanimously “allowed” us to see each other again.
I fell silent as the front door opened and dad’s heavy footsteps creaked along the floorboards. I heard him call out for mum and the creaking disappeared into the kitchen for a while, then the sounds of arguing flooded the house. While I couldn’t make out exactly what was being said it sounded like they were arguing about me, as I heard dad say my name, along with Sanders.
My heart sunk. Dad hated that I was going to Sanders, and the fact that I was studying cartooning only made him angrier. He thought that creating comics was a waste of my time and wanted me to take an agricultural course so I could more effectively help him out on the farm, and one day take it over from him when he retired like just like he’d done with his father.
I couldn’t imagine anything worse. And it wasn’t because of the farm work, I’d been to other farms and met their owners and they were all completely different from dad. They’d been nice, encouraging and seemed to genuinely care for their livestock. Dad, on the other hand, was constantly shouting and swearing at everyone around him and seemed to despise the work he did. It was nightmarish helping him out on the farm, as every time I did something wrong I’d be showered in obscenities and sometimes even punched if he deemed my mistake large enough, which they often were in his eyes.
Herding the animals was almost impossible for me as the sheep ignored me just as much as the cows did, and I was so terrified of the bulls that I was useless around them. I wasn’t strong enough to help carry around supplies, didn’t have the stamina to spend all day outside repairing fences and the like, was far too easily distracted to be even remotely effective at clearing paddocks for ploughing and if it happened to be the birthing season I was always far more focused on playing with the baby animals than actually herding them.
Needless to say, dad didn’t have a very high opinion of me. He’d been hoping for a healthy, energetic son who’d grow up to take over the farm from him, and instead he’d gotten me.
I could understand his disappointment.
Silence fell in the kitchen and then the creaking reappeared in the hallway, stopped for a moment and then began ascending the stairs.
‘Oh no.’ I muttered and jumped onto the bed to stop my legs from shaking. Alexis sat down next to me and smiled reassuringly just as the creaking stopped in front of the door.
‘Eden?’ dad asked and then came in before I could answer, like always. He was a large man with sun-darkened skin and a gigantic beer belly that preceded him everywhere he went. His step was a bit wobbly and as he got closer I could smell the pungent mix of B.O and beer that had become so familiar over the past couple of years.
His hair was blonde like mums and mine, but cut close to this skull in a futile attempt to hide the fact that it was balding. It wasn’t very flattering to the rest of his face either, as his lips were thin and dry, his eyes slightly too large and his forehead wide. He wasn’t exactly unattractive, but as he got older and put on more weight he was starting to veer more and more into that territory. The constant drinking definitely wasn’t helping.
‘Hey dad.’ I said and forced myself to smile. ‘How was the livestock show?’
‘It was a waste of time.’ he said, adjusting the thick back glasses he wore when his eyes were sore. ‘All the cows were milkers and the rest of the animals were just poultry.’
‘Milkers?’ I said and almost giggled. I liked how it sounded. ‘Milkers! What are milkers?’
‘Dairy cows, you idiot.’ Dad said and I blushed.
‘Oh. Right.’
He sighed and looked at Alexis. ‘What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at home spending your last day with your parents?’
‘It’s my aunt’s birthday today so they’re visiting her.’
‘Why didn’t you go with them?’
‘I…didn’t want to.’ Alexis said awkwardly.
Dad frowned. ‘Why not?’
‘No reason.’
‘Well, whatever. I want to speak to Eden alone so go do something else for a bit. See if Erin needs some help preparing the food.’
‘Are you staying for dinner?’ I asked and to my dismay he nodded.
‘I am.’ He frowned at Alexis. ‘Are you going or what?’
‘Umm….’ she said and I looked at me in concern.
‘It’s okay. I’ll be fine.’ I smiled, not wanting her to stay and potentially get hurt by dad.
‘Okay…I’ll be back in a couple of minutes then.’
‘No. I’ll let you know when we’re finished.’ Dad moved out of the doorway and gestured for her to leave, which after a moment’s hesitation she did so. He shut the door after her with more force than was necessary and then dropped down into my office chair. It was in front of my desk and he looked down at the half-finished drawings of snakes with a small frown.
‘They’re uhm…meant to be snakes.’ I supplied after he continued to look at the drawings for longer than I was comfortable with.
‘They look like shit.’ he snorted.
‘I-I’m not very good at drawing them yet.’ I flushed, wishing he’d stop looking at them.
‘What’s this supposed to be?’ he held up a drawing of what was supposed to be a tiger snake sleeping amongst a basket of apples. ‘It looks like a worm that’s been squashed by a rockslide.’
‘It’s supposed to be-’
‘You actually think the cartooning course can help you with this crap?’ he crumbled up the picture and threw it to the ground. ‘Because I think it’s going to be a waste of time. A toddler could draw a better snake than that.’
I suppressed a snarl and tried to speak calmly. ‘The teacher of the course is supposed to be really good at helping beginners like me, and the firs-’
‘You can’t turn shit into gold, Eden.’ Dad said seriously. ‘You’re wasting your time.’
‘No I’m not.’ I said as calmly as possible.
‘Yes, you are.’ His voice softened and he turned from the desk to fully face me. ‘I’m going to ask you one last time to stop this stupidity. It’s not too late for you to go back to your old school and take their agricultural course, they’ve kept all of your records on file and I’ve spoken to the principal. He’d be happy to have you back.’
‘No.’ I said firmly, immensely grateful that mum and I had gone behind dads back and applied for and received an academic scholarship. He had no power over me going to Sanders now, as mum had signed all the forms for me and paid for the uniforms and such. All he could do was try to convince me not to go, and there was no chance of that happening. ‘I’m going to Sanders.’
‘Eden, I’m trying to help you.’ Dad said as his voice hardened. ‘You’re actively destroying your future by chasing this stupid dream. Those shitty drawings of yours aren’t going to land you a decent career or a stable income. ’ he put his arms on his knees and leant forward. ‘But working here will. After a couple of years studying agriculture you’ll be more than qualified to work here under my supervision, and when your body finally fixes itself I won’t even have to worry about keep-’
‘No, dad!’ I interrupted, frustrated. ‘You’ve said all of this before and I don’t care! I’m sorry, I really am, but I just don’t want to work here! I want to make comics.’
‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ he growled. ‘I’m offering you a proper future, one that you can be proud of, one that’ll continue our family legacy! Don’t you care about that?’
‘Not really.’ I said, and immediately regretted it as his whole body spasmed with rage. ‘Uhm! I mean, I d-’
‘This farm has been in our family for fucking generations!’ dad snarled and jumped off the chair to tower over me. ‘Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Your grandparents died here! And their parents before them, all working here on this land so that their children would have a future. So we’d have a future! How can that mean nothing to you?’
‘I don’t know!’
‘You ungrateful little shit.’ he ran his hands over his skull. ‘What the fuck did I do to deserve a son like you?’
‘I’m sorry.’ I said meekly.
‘No you’re not.’ he let his hands drop to his sides and started breathing deeply. ‘Fuck! I’m so tired of going around this, trying to pull you back onto the right path and make you see sense. I should have known that it was pointless. He was right about you, you know. Jon. I should have given up on you years ago.’
I froze. ‘What?’
‘You think I’m an idiot, don’t you? That I actually believe this cartooning bullshit, like your mother does. But I don’t. I know what you’re doing.’
I blinked, completely lost. ‘Huh?’
‘Not even you’re dumb enough to throw away your future like that. You won an academic scholarship for god’s sake, you’re not retarded.’ He pointed at me and came closer. ‘No. No. You’re smart. A dirty, conniving little pervert that manipulates everyone around him.’
‘What are you talking about!?’
‘I found this last night!’ he pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and threw it at me. ‘Packed away in a little box at the bottom of your luggage.’
‘You went through my suitcases?’ I demanded and grabbed the piece of paper and slowly unfolded it. ‘Why would...why…’
My stomach leapt as I realised the piece of paper was a photo, one I recognized. One that I kept hidden amongst various birthday cards in a special little box that I’d decided to take to Sanders with me.
Oh no…
It’d been taken eight years ago, when I was six, outside my old kindergarten. I was beaming at the camera and mum was crouched down next to me with a wide smile on her face. Alexis was on my right side and holding my hand, also beaming, and her mum was the one who’d taken the photo. Alexis and I had been extremely excited because we were about to go to the zoo and…well…
I was dressed as a girl, in a neat pink dress and knee-high socks with black Mary-Jane shoes. The day before the picture was taken I’d stayed at Alexis’s place and when I was there I always dressed in her clothes. I’d liked it for reasons I can’t really explain, looking like a girl and pretending that Alexis and I were sisters, and whenever mum picked me up there was always a struggle to get me back into my boy clothes. Every now and then I’d sneak some of Alexis’s clothes to kindergarten and change into them in the bathroom so I could be a girl around the other kids, and the day of this photo had been one of those instances. Mum arrived at lunch to take me to the zoo and found me dressed like that, and after a small argument decided that she wouldn’t force me to change if I promised not to tell dad, who was spending the day at a friend’s bachelor party.
I promised her I’d not tell anyone, especially not dad, and so began the best day of my life.
Mum proclaimed that if I was going to be dressed as a girl then she’d treat me like one, as her daughter. She used female pronouns to refer to me, didn’t correct strangers when they thought I was a girl (which always happened as my hair was longer then than it was now) and she’d even bought me a red ribbon for my hair and a cute butterfly brooch, both of which had been hidden in the box along with the photo. I really hoped dad hadn’t found them too.
It’s impossible to explain why being treated as a girl made me so happy, but it did and I’d felt closer to mum on that day than I ever had before, like I’d crossed some invisible barrier that had been holding us back from being fully affectionate with one another. Mum seemed to feel the same way too, as she easily slipped into calling me a girl and was more physically affectionate than she ever had been before, hugging and snuggling me every chance she got. When she tied my hair back into a ponytail with the ribbon she'd smiled and said that she'd wanted to do that for a very long time, and was glad that she finally got to spend a day with her daughter.
I'd been so warm and happy in that moment.
Just looking at the picture filled me with confusingly pleasant feelings, but feelings that were now tainted by what Jon had done to me. I didn’t know if I wanted to be a girl back then or if it had been some kind of exploratory phase, but it didn’t matter anymore. I was more likely to kill myself than even dress up as a girl now, as the scars on my body can attest to.
Jon had dressed me up as a girl before he’d…hurt me.
Despite that, I hadn’t been able to throw out the picture. It reminded me of when things had been simpler, before dad had found out about me dressing as a girl and banned me from seeing Alexis, before Jon had hurt me, before my development issues started, before mum had started becoming more and more depressed…
I carefully folded it up and put it in my pocket, my hands shaking. I took a steadying breath and looked up at dad. ‘This picture doesn’t mean anything, I-I only have it because…’
‘Because you want to be a girl.’ Dad finished and I flinched.
‘I don’t! You know I don’t!’
‘Stop fucking lying!’ he shouted and grabbed me by the shoulders. I cried out and tried to push him off but it was futile. ‘I went through the Sanders website last night and I saw their LGBT program, and how supportive they are of trannies. That’s why you’re so intent on going there, isn’t it? You’re going to see one of the doctors there and get them to pump you full of hormones and cut off your cock!’
‘What? No!’
‘Stop lying!’ he slammed me against the wall. ‘That photo proves it! I went looking through your suitcase to see if you had any girl’s clothes or something that would prove me right, and I found that. A picture of you dressed as a girl, hidden away like some fucking treasured gem!’
‘It’s just a p-photo!’ I stammered, my head spinning. ‘It doesn’t mean anything!’
‘Oh yes it does!’ his eyes flashed. ‘You’ve wanted to be a girl ever since you were little and nothing’s changed! I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think I’d managed to beat it out of you after finding you dressed in that bitches clothes. You probably didn’t even listen to me when I told you how disgusting it was! All you did was get better at hiding it from me!’
‘No…I-I did listen…’ I just hadn’t believed him back then.
‘I said stop lying!’ he slammed me against the wall again and pain exploded inside my head. ‘Fuck! You lied about Jon too, didn’t you? You tricked him into fucking you so you could feel like a girl and then when you were found out you pretended it was his idea! He was telling the truth this whole time and you ruined his life for it!’
You liked it, didn’t you? You wanted to feel like a real girl.
I whimpered and began breathing heavily, my head clouding up with horrible memories. What the hell was wrong with dad? He shouldn’t...he shouldn’t …
‘And you’re going to do the same at Sanders, aren’t you? To some poor guy living in your dorm, trick them into thinking you’re a girl and get them to fuck you. And when t-’
Soon you’ll be begging me to put it in you.
‘No! Shut up!’ I screamed through the memories and kicked out, trying to get him to let me go. ‘I don’t want it! You don’t know anything about me!’
‘I know everything about you.’ he snarled, shoving his face up against mine. ‘You’re a dirty little faggot tra-’
I smashed my head against his in a blind panic, unable to handle what he was saying anymore. His nose cracked and blood spurted down his face, causing his hands to finally weaken. I tore out of them and bolted to the door before he could react, but it swung open just as I reached it. Mum stormed into the room with clenched fists, her eyes blazing with rage.
‘What the hell is going on in here!’ she demanded. ‘I can hear you shouting from downstairs!’
‘Mum!’ I cried in relief and threw myself into her, and she wrapped her arms around me protectively.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked and I nodded wearily.
‘Fuck him!’ dad roared. ‘The little cunt head-butted me!’
‘Why?’
‘Because I confronted him with the truth and he didn’t like it.’
‘The truth?’ mum’s eyes narrowed. ‘You mean that insane idea you’ve got about him going to Sanders to be a girl?’
‘It’s not insane.’ Dad hissed, wiping blood from his face and flicking it onto my desk. ‘That photo I showed you proved it. It was in his suitcase!’
‘That doesn’t mean anything!’
‘Why would he have it then? Hidden away in a special little box full of birthday cards?’
‘Because it’s a happy memory!’ mum gently pushed me aside so she could walk up to dad, both their eyes shining angrily.
‘A happy memory of being a girl!’
‘Of going to the zoo with his best friend!’
‘A female best friend, whose clothes he’s dressed in! ’
Mum rubbed her forehead. ‘He was six years old, Daniel. Kids that age always dress up.’
‘What about when they’re twelve then?’ dad crossed his arms. ‘Because I-’
‘Don’t.’ mum said dangerously. ‘Don’t you dare go there.’
‘Why not? You don’t want to hear the truth?’ dad spat. ‘Too bad! Our son was dressing like a girl and getting Jon to fu-’
‘Don’t say that man’s name in this house!’ mum snarled.
‘I can say whatever the fuck I want!’ dad stepped forward so he and mum were inches away from each other, his breathing coming out in shaky gasps. ‘Eden lied about what Jon did to him.’
‘No. He didn’t.’
‘Yes he did! He’s a fucking liar!’
‘Oh, so the doctors were lying too then were they? And the police?’
‘They were retards! Of course they’d believe a sad little kid’s bullshit made-up story over that of a man’s! That’s the kind of bullshit world we live in now!’
‘What about the marks and bruises all over his body then? Were they made up as well?’
‘He did that to himself! Or he got Reece to do it, to make it look like Jon had hit him!’
‘He didn’t know Reece when the bruises first appeared!’
‘Then he did it to himself!’ Dad’s breathing harder now. ‘I’ve known Jon for twenty years and he never, not even once, showed an-’
‘I TOLD YOU NOT TO SAY HIS NAME!’ Mum shouted.
‘I can say whatever the fuck I want in here! This is my house! I was born here!’ Dad shouted back, his hands balled up into fists. ‘Jon! Jon Zeke Hander! My best friend whose life our son ruined with his lies! My best friend!’ Dad’s voice started to shake. ‘Jon was all I fucking had and he took it away from me!’
‘Oh, you poor thing.’ mum sneered. ‘Are you seriously about to cry over him? Fuck you! Jon was a paedophile-’
Dad smashed his fist into her face, throwing her backwards and right into me. I squealed and crawled out from under her as she pushed herself onto her feet, clapping a hand to her beautiful face. Blood streamed through her fingers, coming from her nose and mouth, but her eyes were still wide with hatred. Dad towered over her with clenched fists, seemingly unsure of what he was going to do next.
I stared at them both in horror as my body shook uncontrollably. This had happened so many times before, all because of me. Whenever they argued about me things descended into violence more often than not, and mum was the one who got hurt the most. All I could do was just watch, shaking like a pathetic little coward. I was always so weak and useless…
I looked at mum, dripping blood and staggering to her feet. She’d gotten hit because of me! This was my fault, I had to do something! I had to try and help her, even if it meant dad would hurt me too.
I stepped in front of mum before I could fully comprehend what I was doing and glared definitely up at dad.
‘L-leave mum alone!’
‘Get the fuck out of my way.’ Dad snapped and slapped me with the back of his hand. I cried out and fell onto the ground, tasting blood in my mouth.
Yeah…I was useless…
Mum was in front of me in an instant. ‘Jesus, Dan! Think about what you're doing!'
‘Fuck you.’ Dad said, his eyes red. ‘This is your fault! Why do you have to piss me off so much? You goddam…bitch!’
Mum wiped her face and looked back at me. ‘Alexis went outside looking for the frogs. Go find her.’
I shook my head. Dad was going to hurt her again and I couldn’t just leave her! But what was I supposed to do? He’d just swatted me away like I was an annoying fly, and if I stayed here he might hurt me even more. But he’d hurt mum even more too!
I needed to stay and do something!
But I couldn’t do anything!
What-what-what-
‘Go!’ mum shouted and when I didn’t move she shoved me backwards. ‘Get out of here Eden!’
My will broke and I fled out of the room.
Chapter 4
The front door slammed shut behind me as I tore outside, lost in a blind panic. I don’t know where I was even running to, and it didn’t end up mattering as I tripped over a rock jutting out of the dirt a few meters from the house and crashed into the ground. Hard dirt scraped against my face but I ignored the pain and got onto my knees, shame crashing inside of me.
‘Oh god oh god oh god.’ I moaned and grabbed the sides of my head. The world felt like it was tearing itself apart around me, like I was in the middle of an earthquake.
I was so fucking pathetic! I was a boy but I couldn’t even protect mum, or stand up to dad. I was so small and weak and….and disgusting! I should have just died, none of this would be happening if I hadn’t messed up killing myself. Dad never hurt mum this badly before I was hospitalized, before I told them what Jon had done to me. If they didn’t know what he’d been doing to me over the years everything would have been fine! I should have just shut the fuck up and died! Why hadn’t I died?
I just wanted to make you happy.
‘Shut up!’ I screamed and slammed my head against the ground, again and again. ‘Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I’m sick of hearing you in my head! Go away! Go…’
I trailed off as something landed in the dirt in front of me. In the dim light coming from the house I could see the outline of something...familiar, squatting amongst the cracked dirt. As my eyes became used to the darkness I made out eight black eyes staring up at me, shining slightly in the house’s light.
It was the spider from before.
‘Huh?’ I blinked, wondering if I was seeing things. My vision was scarred and blurry from my head hitting the dirt so many times. I looked around and found that I was across the from the cows paddock, a few steps away from dads ute. That was all real, so the spider must be to. I guess? ‘What are you doing here?’
It reared up like before and I jumped to my feet, blinking stupidly at it. What the hell…
‘I’m sorry.’
I flinched as a woman’s voice echoed around me.
‘W-who’s there?’ I turned around but couldn’t see anyone.
‘I don’t know why he wants you dead, but know that this isn’t personal for me. I’m just doing my job.’
‘What?’ I looked at the spider, but the voice wasn’t coming from it. It was as if I was standing in the middle of an empty hall and someone was speaking from directly above me.
‘Don’t fight the spider. Its poison will numb you first, before it becomes fatal. You won’t feel anything and in two minutes you’ll be dead.’
‘Uhm! Excuse me?’ I backed away from the spider as it slowly began walking towards me. ‘I don’t…I know I was just thinking about wanting to be dead but…but…’
‘Again, I’m sorry. Goodbye, Eden.’
‘Wai-’ I cut off with a gasp as the spider’s fangs began smoking and a sharp hissing sound emanated from it. Which was impossible because spiders didn’t hiss. Or have smoky fangs! What the hell!
I took another step backwards just as the spider flung itself at me, its legs stretched out on either side of its bulbous abdomen. A terrified scream escaped my lips and I swatted it away with my right arm, but not hard enough to damage it. It landed safely on the dirt with an audible thud and turned back to face me. Before I could even think about reacting, it reared onto its back legs and shot a multitude of thick strands at me from its abdomen, all of which connected to my chest. I grabbed at one and ripped it off, the slimy silk snapping from just a small amount of pressure from my hand.
There were far too many for me to remove all at once though and the spider was speeding up them, its horrible fangs still billowing with smoke and a silvery spike having appeared where the silk had been shot from.
I realised too late that I should take off my shirt, because just as I grabbed its sides the spider reached my chest. It sunk its fangs right above my heart, and pierced just below with the spike protruding from its abdomen.
A silent scream escaped my lips and I fell backwards, my body freezing up. I could feel the spiders poison pumping into me, into my heart and then all throughout my body. My head became dull and sticky, all of my thoughts and emotions tangling up upon themselves.
What was…going on…was…was I…dying?
You can’t hurt anyone if you’re dead.
Yeah…that was true but…
No. No.
But it would be so easy…I just had to let go…
Stop fighting. You’ll learn to love it one day.
Fuck off!
It’ll only hurt for a minute.
No! No!
Alexis…mum…
Jon…
I said fuck off!
No!
NO!
The spider started shrieking as warmth exploded throughout my body, seeming to come from every single cell inside of me. It almost hurt, like having a shower just on the edge of burning, and I felt the poison stop flooding into me. Only for a moment though, because after a couple of confused seconds my body began sucking it in somehow, pulling it out of the spider. I think? I had no real idea what was happening.
‘What are you doing?’ the woman’s voice demanded and I could hear panic resonating around me.
I looked at my chest to see the spider melting, its legs bursting into streams of blood and its eyes trickling away. My body somehow drew that all inside me along with the venom, and the warmth became more intense. The abdomen exploded like the legs had, revealing what appeared to be a tiny heart, one that was beating frantically.
‘No! That’s a part of m-’ the voice cut off as the heart crumbled and slowly melted into a bloody mess, one that my body slowly absorbed.
The remaining pieces of spider rolled off of me, just two empty fangs and an eyeless head. I began to sit up but the warmth inside of my body suddenly exploded into an ocean of unbearable agony and I began screaming. It felt like every part of me was being torn apart and a blinding white light consumed my body, pulling my consciousness away as if I was being dragged out to sea by a riptide and then…
And then…
And then it was gone. The pain, the tearing sensation, the feeling of being dragged away, and the light. Everything. As if it had never even happened.
I lay on the ground for a moment, staring up at the starlit sky, and then sat up with a gasp.
‘What the hell!’ I croaked and got onto my knees.
That wasn’t real, that couldn’t have been real, I imagined it, hallucinated it or something! I was panicking and I must have…I don’t know…I don’t know! What the fuck!
I looked around for the remains of the spider but couldn’t see them, perhaps because of how dark it was, or perhaps because they weren’t there to begin with. My body seemed fine too despite having felt like it was being ripped apart a minute ago. I put a hand to my chest and found that my shirt was dry despite having apparently been drenched in spider blood and webbing.
‘Okay. Okay.’ I said as I took slow, calming breaths. ‘I imagined it, just like with Jon before. Nothing happened. No spider, no voice, no weird body things. Hahaha! Oh god…I’m losing my mind aren’t I?’
I once again fell backwards and let out heavy sigh. Maybe I should go and see a councillor at Sanders like mum suggested. That had been terrifying, being attacked by the spider. And its venom in me, tearing me up from the insides…it had felt so real, so painful. Almost as bad as what Jon had done to me.
He’d never had the decency to try and kill me though.
A rustling came from the paddock with the cows and I sat up to see a dark figure climb over the fence. I frowned tiredly at it and was relieved to see that it was just Alexis.
‘Eden?’ she asked when she saw me. ‘What are you doing out here?’
‘What are you doing out here?’
‘I was trying to find those frogs you mentioned but it got too dark so I headed back, but I wanted to get a picture of the cows first.’ She said and held up her phone. ‘But the moons not out and the flash on this isn’t good enough to light up a whole cow so I gave up. I was hoping to get some kind of…I don’t know…majestic cow picture.’
‘Majestic cow?’ I asked, the two words not gelling together in my head.
‘It was just an idea.’ She muttered and sat down in front of me. ‘You didn’t tell me what you were doing out here.’
I considered telling her about the weird spider incident and then gasped. Oh god! I’d almost forgotten! ‘Mum and dad! They…they’re fighting…’
‘What! Why?’ Alexis asked just as the sound of glass shattering came from the house. ‘What happened?!’
‘Dad was being really weird, asking me…things.’ I scratched the sides of my head, not really comfortable sharing the stuff dad had accused me of with Alexis just yet. ‘Stuff about Sanders, and he got really angry and…and mum came in and she was really angry too and…and…uh…s-so she told me to come and find you and I did.’
‘Are you okay?’ Alexis turned on her phone and shone the light onto my face. I could only imagine how bad I looked, with a bruised lip and scraped forehead, covered in dirt and blood. ‘Oh my god! That piece of shit!’
‘I’m fine.’ I said and rubbed my face to try and clear away some of the blood, but just made it dirtier.
‘Let me see.’ Alexis reached out to touch my face but I flinched and slapped her hand away, a gross feeling wrapping itself around my stomach. A disgustingly familiar feeling.
‘Uhm! I don’t want to be touched at the moment sorry!’ I took in a shuddering breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm myself down.
Alexis looked at me in shock and then blushed, pulling her hand away. ‘Sorry! I didn’t mean to…’
‘No, it’s okay. I just…I feel weird.’ I shrugged awkwardly, trying to get rid of the feelings crawling down my spine. I don’t know if it was because of the spider or Jon but I didn’t want anyone to touch me right now.
Alexis began to say something but stopped as the front door slammed open, and we both watched as dad stormed out, his whole body shaking. He walked to his ute, which Alexis and I were a couple of meters across from, and when he noticed us he froze. After a moment of tense silence he twitched his shoulder awkwardly and came over to us. Alexis stood up and stared definitely at him but he ignored her and looked down at me. His face was wet with tears and I felt a confusing moment of pity for him.
‘Here.’ he took out his wallet and removed some bills. ‘I wanted to give this to you before. It was why I wanted to talk to you before, I just wanted to give you this and some advice but…’ His face shook and tears leaked out of his red eyes. ‘I…I didn’t mean to…what happened shouldn’t have happened, I didn’t mean to get so angry but…but you…that fucking photo Eden! It just set me off, made me…you know…like I was before but…your mother was right, it was just a photo and I…reacted badly…’
‘Okay.’ I said warily and scooped up the money, wondering how he could afford to give me this much money. There had to be over two hundred dollars here. Had he been saving it to give to me? A pang of guilt ran through me.
‘A-alright then.’ Dad said after I didn’t say anything else for a while. He wiped his eyes and began walking to the ute. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’
He got in and started it, but just sat there staring at the steering wheel.
‘I’ve never seen him cry before.’ Alexis said quietly as she knelt down next to me.
‘He’s been crying a lot since I went to hospital.’ I said, putting the money in my pocket. ‘I really hurt him whe-’
‘You hurt him?’ Alexis said and glared at me. ‘You didn’t do anything!’
This is your fault.
You made me do this. You s-
‘No!’ I clutched at my shirt and shivered. ‘Shut up!’
‘What?’ Alexis looked at me in surprise.
‘Not you.’ I shook my head angrily.
‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Alexis asked just as we were bathed in the bright lights of a car’s headlights, and we turned to see a red SUV turning into the driveway.
‘Oh!’ I recognized that SUV.
‘My parents!’ Alexis said excitedly and jumped to her feet. ‘Oh thank god!’
Dad’s ute started up with a roar as soon as the SUV approached and he began to drive off. Alexis’s parents beeped at him in greeting but he ignored them and disappeared around the corner just like Reece had, hidden behind the hedges.
‘Eden.’ a voice said from the house and I turned to see mum leaving it, a frozen bag of peas held against her face.
‘Mum!’ I ran over and went to hug her, but the sick feeling stopped me before I touched her. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Here. Put this against your lip.’ She handed me another bag of frozen vegetables. ‘Are you alright?’
‘Are you?’ her face was free of blood but her lip was clearly bruises and her left eye was red and raw.
‘I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.’ She reached out to touch my face but I backed off, making her grimace. ‘Eden…I’m not going to hurt you.’
‘I know.’ I said but when she tried to touch me again I moved away. ‘I’m sorry!’
Mum snarled and clenched her free hand into a fist. ‘That fucking asshole! Look at you! How could your father still think you’re lying?’
I just stared sadly at her, not sure what to say. She went to pat me on the head but stopped herself with a growl, then walked past me and went over to the SUV, where Alexis’s parents were just getting out. Her dad was as tall as his daughter and of Japanese descent, with short black hair and a rather pudgy, kind face. His wife was also slightly overweight and had a kind face like her husband, but she Caucasian and over a head taller than him. Alexis looked like her more than she did her father, which I think is why they named her Alexis and not something Japanese like they had with her sister, who far more resembled their father.
They were both amazing people and I felt myself relaxing just from seeing them. I hurried after mum to greet them and the slimy, cold fingers caressing my stomach slowly disappeared.
‘Hey guys!’ Mrs Nakamura smiled as we approached. ‘Sorry we’re a bit early! We j-ah! What happened to your face?’
‘Don’t worry about it.’ Mum said. ‘Look, c-’
‘Oh my god! Eden!’ she gasped when she saw my face. ‘What happened? Did Dan attack you two?’
‘What?’ Mr Nakamura turned from where he’d been hugging Alexis to stare at us. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Did he do that to your face?’ Mrs Nakamura asked. ‘And to Eden too?’
‘Yes.’ Mum said and rubbed the side of her face, her eyes tired.
‘Are you hurt as well?’ Mr Nakamura asked his daughter and she shook her head.
‘No, I’ve been out here for a while. I don’t even really know what happened.’ She said, staring at mum’s bloodied face with wide eyes.
‘Everything’s fine now. ’ Mum said and looked at Alexis’s parents. ‘I’ll explain what happened later, but…c-can I ask you two for a favour?’
‘Anything.’ Mrs Nakamura said immediately.
‘Can you take Eden home with you tonight, and then take him to Sanders tomorrow?’
‘What?’ I exclaimed, dropping the bag of frozen vegetables. ‘No!’
‘We can do that, sure.’ Mr Nakamura frowned. ‘But you and I should go inside and talk, okay?’
‘Mum! What are you doing?’ I grabbed her hand and forced her to look down at me.
‘Your father’s going to be home sometime tonight or tomorrow. Do you want to be here when he does?’ she said as she pulled my arm off of hers.
‘N-no, but…you shouldn’t be either then!’
‘You’re more than welcome to come with us.’ Mr Nakamura said.
‘No, I’m staying here. I need to talk to him when he’s sobered up.’ Mum growled.
‘What if he hurts you again?’
Mum laughed bitterly. ‘He’s not going to. He’ll spend the night at some bar getting drunk and then come home full of bullshit apologies and be all loving and shit. If Eden’s here though-’
‘What?’ I demanded angrily.
‘He might get angry again.’ Mum finished heavily. ‘And I don’t want us to have to deal with that.’
‘Then let’s go!’ I tugged on her arm but she once again pulled my hand off.
‘I told you, I want to be here when he gets back, so I can talk to him.’
‘About what?’
‘About what just happened! And how to make sure it never happens again.’
‘What about after that then? Can you come take me to Sanders?’ I grabbed her arm with both hands this time.
‘I don’t think I can, Eden…’
‘But you said that we were going to have lunch at that café near the campus! And you were going to buy me a little soft toy possum to put on my bed so I wouldn’t get lonely! You haven’t bought me it yet! I don’t have it! You have to come with me and buy one!’
Mum’s lips trembled and she wiped her eyes. ‘I…Eden…let me think…’
‘No! Mum!’ I tugged on her arm. ‘You promised!’
‘Eden! Stop!’ Mum said in the same tone that she’s used to make me leave the house. I froze and slowly let go of her arm. ‘I need time to think, okay? Go with Mrs Nakamura. Please. We’ll talk again tomorrow.’
‘But…’ I began, unsure of what else to say.
‘Everything’s going to be fine.’ Mum said and tried to smile, but just ended up looking more miserable. ‘I’ll see you soon, yeah?’
‘I guess…’
I watched in confusion as she tried to smile again and walked back to the house. Alexis’s dad said something to his wife and Alexis but I wasn’t paying attention, and before I knew it he and mum had both gone into the house and disappeared from sight.
‘Why don’t we just call the police?’ Alexis asked as soon as they were gone. ‘This happens like once a month now and Erin never calls them! She always says that she’s going to talk to him about it b-’
‘Alexis. Not now.’ Mrs Nakamura said sharply and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘Come on Eden. Have you had dinner yet? We could pick something up on the way home.’
‘We were going to have roast chicken…’
‘Oh yeah!’ Alexis said unhappily. ‘I was really looking forward to that.’
‘Why don’t we get some KFC then?’ Mrs Nakamura said and Alexis perked up.
‘What about pizza? Can we order from that place down the road from us?’
‘Sure! What about you Eden?’
‘Okay.’ I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, but I did need to stick to my diet and I hadn’t had any meat today.
‘Let’s get going then.’ She smiled and we got into the SUV, Alexis and I sitting in the back. It smelt of doughnuts and coffee, which made me relax a little bit more.
‘I don’t understand why mum can’t take me to Sanders tomorrow.’ I said as we pulled out of the driveway. ‘What does she need to think about?’
‘Adult things.’ Mrs Nakamura said and looked back at me with a smile. ‘She’s doing to do what’s best for you though, honey. Don’t worry about it.’
Don’t worry about it? Hah. That was impossible. Mum had seemed more tired than I’d ever seen her before! Dad had hit her a lot in the past, more times than I’d like to count, but she seemed…exhausted this time, like she’d been about to collapse and break into tears. I’d only seen her cry a few times before, but none of them had been after dad hit her.
She wouldn’t have been this upset if I hadn’t told her what Jon did to me. Or…
I shouldn’t have…failed…trying to kill myself. I should have made sure I died…if I had then both mum and dad would have never known what Jon did to me. They’d be sad I was dead but dad hadn’t really liked me anyway and without me to worry about mum could probably leave him and live in a small apartment by herself, get a job and find someone to love who wouldn’t hurt her. She could even have another kid, she wasn’t too old for that. A better me. A boy who wasn’t a pathetic embarrassment. Same with dad too. They could both live happy lives without me.
My wrists started itching. Itching so badly…I needed to cut…I needed to feel good! I nee-
‘Eden?’ Alexis asked and I blinked, realising that she and her mum had been talking to me.
‘Sorry, what?’
‘Are you okay?’ she asked and looked at me in concern.
‘I’m fine!’ I rubbed my face, realizing that some tears had fallen down my cheeks. ‘What were you saying?’
‘I was asking what you wanted to do when we got home. I was thinking that we could play some video games? We could play some Country on the WiiU?’
‘Okay.’ I shrugged, not really caring. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and wait for mum to call me. I hated being separated from her at times like these, when I didn’t know if she was going to be alright or not. All I wanted to do was hug her and make sure she was okay, that she wasn’t going to start crying or feel lonely.
Alexis gently held my hand and squeezed. I blinked and them smiled, warmth flowing through me from her grip. She smiled as I squeezed back and a warm, comforting feeling ran down my spine.
I…guess this was okay…
To be continued....
Thankyou so much for reading! I apologize if this is moving a bit too slow, towards the transformation part, but it's necessary. Eden's world needs to be shown as it is before so that the changes mean something.
I hope the spider sequence wasn't too jarring, but I needed to add it in to lead into the transformation and later plot-lines.
~ BrokenFox
Eden's Reality: Chapters 5-6
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves something unexpected happens, and he wakes up the next day a different person.
All feedback is very much appreciated :)
Chapter 5
It was a twenty minute drive to Alexis’s home, which was situated a couple of suburbs deep in the city. The paddocks full of sleepy livestock quickly gave way to dark factories and abandoned warehouses, then spread out into blocks of houses and restaurants. We followed the main road down towards the heart of the city and then turned off into a brightly-lit street full of giant houses with even larger front yards. Dogs barked excitedly as we drove past but were quickly yelled into silence by their owners or grumpy neighbors.
Alexis’s house was at the end of the street, nestled between an empty lot and a house so large that it could almost have been a mansion. Mrs Nakamura parked the SUV outside the front yard just and I slowly climbed out, shivering at how cold it’d become outside.
A neat, colourful garden took up most of front yard, perfectly maintained by Alexis’s mum and younger sister. I knew nothing about gardening but it looked beautiful, with rows upon rows of bright flowers running up and down the fresh grass. There was a large fountain in the centre, depicting resting horse with a couple of birds standing on its back and spewing out water, and a few healthy oak trees were in each of the yards corners. Alexis and I had spent countless happy hours running around here as kids, searching for interesting bugs and playing random make-believe games.
She came over the side of the SUV and smiled at me. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘Better.’ The drive here had helped me relax, but Alexis holding my hand had helped the most. ‘I’m glad I’m here and not at home.’
‘So am I.’ Alexis said as we walked past a cluster of sweet smelling blue flowers. ‘I just wish it was under better circumstances.’
‘So do I.’ I said darkly as we reached the veranda. The house itself was two storeys tall, dark brown and in far better condition than my own. I guess that wasn’t really saying much though...most houses were better than mine.
‘Eden, you go and clean your face, okay?’ Mrs Nakamura said as she opened the front door. It revealed a spacious entrance hall that was almost bigger than my bedroom. ‘And Alexis, could you go see if Nyoko has any clean clothes for him to change into?’
‘What? No!’ I gasped. Nyoko was Alexis’s eleven-year-old sister, who was just slightly taller than me. Whenever I stayed here and needed a change of clothes I wore her ones, as Alexis’s were way too big for me. Luckily Nyoko wasn’t all that feminine and had more than enough pants and shirts to spare, but it still felt weird.
‘I’m sorry Eden, but I’d rather you changed. Your clothes are covered in dirt and grass stains, especially on your back.’ Mrs Nakamura smiled apologetically.
I looked down and grimaced, seeing that she was right. I hadn’t even realised how dirty I’d gotten, but I had lain in the dirt when the imaginary spider had attacked. ‘Oh. Okay then.’
‘Thanks.’ She smiled and then began walking down the side hallway that led to her and her husband’s bedroom. ‘I’m going to get changed and then head off back to your place, but I’ll give you some money for pizza before I leave. Think about what you’d like!’
I nodded and headed off to the bathroom, which was through the massive living room and opposite the guest room that I sometimes slept in. The Nakamura’s house was very, very clean and I always felt slightly out of place when I visited, as if I was some kind of dirty vagrant come in off the streets. They were far wealthier than my own parents, both of them working as a criminal defence lawyers, and it showed in their house. Every room seemed to be twice as large as it needed to be, from the kitchen to the offices right down to the laundry, and twice a week they hired a maid to come in and clean everything. Large paintings hung from the walls, all brand new unlike the ones mum and I bought, and they depicted famous scenes from literary such as Captain Ahab on the deck of the Pequod and Holden Caulfield watching a carousel in the rain. They were all wonderfully painted and I imagined that just one of them would cost more than dad made in a year.
The bathroom was amazing, of course. Its floor was a smooth black marble, the sink was perfectly white porcelain and the bathtub could comfortably fit four of me inside of it.
‘Oh god.’ I muttered as I looked at my reflection, not expecting to look as bad as I did. My forehead was a mass of dirt and blood with matted strands of hair falling around it, and the corner of my left lip was just as bad. It strangely wasn’t swollen though, and when I checked the inside cut I found that it’d already healed.
I quickly washed my forehead and to my surprise found that the scrapes caused by me smashing my head against the hard dirt had healed too, and the scarring was much smaller than it should have been. I hadn’t imagined hitting my head against the dirt had I? Like I had with the spider? Surely not, the scars were there, just…tiny.
Weird. I wasn’t going to complain though. I hadn’t been too keen on the prospect of explaining to the other students at Sanders what’d happened to my face, especially on my first day there.
I made sure to clean my face as thoroughly as possible, not wanting there to be even a hint of blood left when I was done. I was perhaps a bit overzealous though, as by the time I’d finished my hair was dripping wet and most of my face had been rubbed raw. But there was no blood or dirt left!
Alexis came in just as I finished and I grinned as she raised her eyebrows at how wet I was. She sighed, grabbed a towel from the sink cupboard and held me steady with one hand.
‘Here, I’ll dry you.’ she said and began to gently rub my face with the towel. ‘I know how bad you are at doing it yourself.’
‘Thanks!’ I said, not going to argue with her. I hadn’t even thought about drying myself. ‘Did you find some clothes for me to wear?’
‘Yeah, I grabbed some of Nyoko’s old pants and a shirt. I left them on my bed for you to change into when we’re done here.’ she said as she dried the back of my neck, drawing out a surprised squeal from me. ‘Aww! That was cute!’
‘Shut up.’ I blushed. ‘My back’s really sensitive.’
‘I know.’ she grinned and then rubbed the same spot, making me giggle.
‘Stop it!’ I laughed and grabbed her hand, but she just grinned and continued to rub the back of my neck. It felt so good that I didn’t bother resisting after a while, just blushed happily up at her and let the pleasant sensations wash over me. After a while warmth began to grow inside my stomach and I was abruptly consumed by a wave of affection for her.
She was so amazing! I felt so much better than I had an hour ago thanks to her, and all she’d done was hold my hand and dry me with a towel. Just being around her was comforting, like it was with mum but…it was different somehow. Alexis was beautiful, with her silky black hair curling around her long neck and…and her soft, curved lips, smooth cheekbones and deep blue eyes that always made me happy when they looked at me…
Butterflies erupted in my stomach just as my chest welled up with something I didn’t recognize, and before I knew what was happening I’d made a soft squeaking sound and dived into her chest. I wrapped my arms around her and squished myself against her body, for the first time realising how soft and warm she was.
‘Eden? What’s wrong?’ she put down the towel and looked at me in concern. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Mm!’ I smiled and squeezed her harder. ‘I’m just really happy for some reason! I love you so much Alexis!’
‘Y-you do?’ She asked slowly and I nodded. ‘Really?’
‘Yes! You’re my best friend and…and…’ I struggled to put what I was feeling into words. ‘I really like you!’
She at me in surprise as colour flushed into her cheeks. After a moment she put her hands on the sides of my face and leant down slightly so our faces were closer. ‘I love you too Eden! I’ve loved you for so long!’
‘Me too!’ I said and then remembered the photo in my pocket. ‘You’re like an older sister! The best older sister ever!’
‘Wha-huh?’ she blinked and her eyes narrowed. ‘Sister? You see me as a sister?’
‘Oh!’ I flinched at her reaction and loosened my grip around her. ‘Sorry! Was that a weird thing to say?’
‘No! No, of course not!’ she said after a moment and pulled her hands off my face. ‘I just thought that you…I was thinking of…because you said…uh…’
‘What’s wrong?’ The butterflies disappeared as an uncomfortable feeling rose inside of me.
‘I…nothing.’ she muttered and took a step back, looking disappointed for some reason.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, scared that I’d done something wrong. Was it really bad for a boy to tell a girl that he saw her as an older sister? It was, wasn’t it? Shit! I should have just kept my mouth shut! ‘I’m really sorry! I didn’t mean to say something bad!’
‘It’s okay! I’m fine!’ she said and rubbed her face. ‘Sorry Eden. It’s just been a long day, you know? My mind’s not working at a hundred percent.’
‘Are you mad at me?’ I asked and she looked at me with wide eyes, and then actually laughed. ‘What! What’s funny?’
‘Nothing. Nothing.’ She shook her head, grinning. ‘Jesus. You’re just so naïve sometimes. Or maybe I am, actually. I forgot sometimes that you’re…well, you.’
‘What do you mean?’
She shook her head slightly and let out a heavy sigh, her cheeks still red. ‘It doesn’t matter. I need to get a glass of water from the kitchen, and probably an aspirin too. I think I’m starting to get a headache. You should go change into Nyoko’s clothes!’
‘Wh-’
‘I’ll be back in a minute!’
‘I…okay!’ I watched her hurry out of the room and ran my hands through my hair, completely confused. What had just happened? I guess I hadn’t said something weird, but I’d definitely said something wrong, something that had disappointed her. She seemed to have expected me to say something other than that I saw her as a sister but I had no idea what. Maybe I should have said she was my best friend? I thought that was obvious though! And besides, what I’d felt hadn’t been the same as what I felt for Reece and he was my best friend too. What I’d felt for Alexis had been stronger than best friend feelings. I wasn’t exactly sure what it had been but it’d been nice, and kind of exciting.
It…hadn’t been bad had it? Had Alexis known what I’d felt and that was what had made her uncomfortable? But why? It was a good feeling, not a bad one! I’d felt really nice and warm, and really sensitive and exited too. Just thinking about how it felt made the butterflies in my chest start to appear again, and a strong desire to hold Alexis started to grow. She was so soft and squishy, especially her chest! Her breasts had felt…good…pushing against the top of my head…I wished I was taller so I could feel them against my own chest…I think…did I want that? Would it feel good? I…
‘Uhm!’ I blushed as I felt the warmth growing inside me again. This was weird! I shouldn’t be thinking about Alexis’s body like this! It wasn’t right!
I shook my head and hurried out of the bathroom, trying to ignore the feelings inside me. Now was not the time to be thinking about this kind of stuff. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I was starting to realise that it wasn’t as innocent as I’d first thought. Shit.
I headed for Alexis’s room, which was at the very back of the house. It was opposite her sister’s room and next to a large den that contained a pool table, a couple of overstuffed bookshelves and a massive TV that was primarily used to play video games. Whenever Alexis’s parents had a party all the kids would end up down here while the adults milled about in the upstairs dining room and kitchen.
Alexis’s bedroom door had her name emblazoned upon it in bold, golden text and a beautifully painted baby seal looked happily at me from underneath it. Baby seals were Alexis’s favourite animal and I smiled at the painting as I opened the door, appreciating its cuteness. She’d painted it herself last year and I always felt a small pang of jealousy at that. She was so much better than I was at drawing and she didn’t even want to create comics.
Her room was almost as empty as mine was, with most of her stuff having also been packed away to take to Sanders. Some of her sketchpads and drawing guidebooks were still on her desk though, along with her computer and tablet. Various scientific posters lined the black walls, mainly of animal species but there were a few insect and plant ones as well. There was a shelf above her bed where she displayed her favourite series of beautifully made small animal figurines, and a bookcase on the other side of the room was brimming with others that she’d collected. I’d once wanted to collect them myself but each one cost fifty dollars so…yeah…that dream had died pretty quickly.
A sofa bed that I slept on sometimes was next to Alexis’s queen-sized one, and a large baby seal plushy looked up at me from between the two blue pillows. Nyoko’s clothes were lying just under it and to my relief they were pretty gender-neutral. Just a pair of black track pants and a long-sleeved white shirt.
I closed the door and quickly got changed, then looked at myself in the full-length mirror next to the sofa bed. As expected, the clothes fit me far better than they should have, and they actually looked pretty good. I liked shirts that were comfortably tight with a long bottom, and I far preferred baggy pants over tight ones. Still, it was pretty damn depressing that the clothes of a girl three years younger than me fit so well.
‘I wish you’d hurry up and grow!’ I snapped at my reflection. ‘It’s been nearly five years since I stopped getting taller and I’m still only as strong as I was when I was ten! Why couldn’t dad have let me see a doctor so…so I-’
Dad’s enraged face popped into my head and I flinched. God damn it! I didn’t need to be remembering that right now! He couldn’t hurt me here, I was fine. And mum was…mum wasn’t fine! Shit! Where was Mrs Nakamura? Wasn’t she supposed to be going back to my place and checking on mum? Had she left already?
Anxiety washed over me and I began walking to the bedroom door, but I’d barely taken two steps before a horrible feeling exploded inside of me. For a terrifying couple of seconds I felt like I was falling, like I’d somehow stepped backwards off a cliff and was plummeting towards the ground. A scream tried to rip its way out of my chest but it didn’t make it as I crashed down against the ground and the air was pushed out of my lungs. I moaned and lay staring up at the ceiling in a daze as my whole body tingled unpleasantly.
What the hell just happened?!
I turned over and pushed myself onto my knees, then checked my body to make sure nothing was injured. Everything seemed fine and I wasn’t in any pain, but I felt off somehow, like my centre of gravity had been altered.
S-something was very wrong.
Nyoko’s clothes were looser than they had been before. The shirt wasn’t as tight as it had been and the sleeves were longer, as if the whole thing had grown two sizes. And to my embarrassment when I stood up the pants just slipped right off me, as if they too had grown.
‘Uhm!’ I slipped the pants back up and knelt on the ground, pulling the elastic around the waist tighter and tying it into a knot. I’d never had to do that with any pair of pants before! Oh god…had I just shrunk in size?
That’s what I was feeling, the weird off-balance sensation and messed up centre of gravity. Nyoko’s clothes hadn’t grown, I’d shrunk! Was that possible? I’d never heard of someone shrinking before but my body wasn’t normal, it’d been developing so slowly…had it messed up so badly that it was now growing backwards?
No! That was impossible, I was being stupid! Of course I wasn’t shrinking! I’d heard of other people’s bodies developing slowly like mine had but I’d never heard of someone’s shrinking. This was just another hallucination, like all of the other weird stuff I’d seen today. I’d probably imagined the clothes fitting properly, just like I’d imagined that spider.
But…
I threw off the clothes and put on the ones I’d just taken off, and to my horror they were now larger. The jeans slipped off of me and the shirt was even baggier than Nyoko’s one had been.
‘Shit!’ I quickly took them off and put Nyoko’s back on, feeling horribly small in my own clothes. ‘Oh god oh god…okay. Okay! Uhm…uhm…uhm!’
I dropped to my knees and ran my hands through my hair, trying to comprehend what was happening. This was impossible, I couldn’t have shrunk. It wasn’t real, my brain had gotten confused somehow because of all the stress and it thought that I was smaller than I was. And this had happened right after I’d gotten anxious after seeing dad! So it had to be a stress-hallucination thing! I just needed to calm down and everything would be okay again in a few minutes. God! I wish mum was here! Deep breaths…I needed to calm myself down…
‘Eden? You dressed?’ Alexis’s voice came from outside the door.
‘Ah! Alexis! I’m dressed!’
‘Good!’ she came into the room and closed the door after her, then blinked when she saw me kneeling on the ground. ‘What are you doing down there?’
I jumped to my feet and ran over to her. She was definitely taller than she had been, as instead of coming up to the middle of her chest I only came up to near the bottom of it. That was like a ten centimetre difference! ‘Do I look smaller to you?’
‘What?’ she frowned and looked down at me. ‘No, I don’t think so.’
‘Are you sure?’ I tugged on her arm. ‘Please look really hard!’
Her eyes narrowed and she slowly looked me up and down. ‘…huh. You kind of do seem a bit shorter, actually.’
I stared at her with wide eyes, the bottom falling out of my stomach. ‘I do? This is real?’
‘I…guess so?’ She frowned. ‘Are you alright? What’s going on?’
‘I don’t know! I fell over and then I was suddenly shorter! I didn’t do anything weird, it just happened!’
She knelt down and slowly looked me over again. ‘Well, you don’t seem that much shorter, only like a couple of centimetres. Maybe you’ve…I don’t know…changed your posture or something?’
‘My posture?’ I frowned. That didn’t sound right. ‘When I hugged you before though I was taller!’
‘Yeah but, I was wearing shoes back then.’ she said and I looked down at her feet, which were bare. ‘Only sneakers, but they had a pretty thick bottom.’
‘B-but…’ I stammered and the pointed at my clothes. ‘They don’t fit properly anymore! They feel weird and baggy!’
‘Weren’t they always baggy though?’
‘Yeah but…but…god!’ I threw my hands up in frustration. ‘Do you think I’m imagining this?’
‘No, you’re definitely shorter.’ Alexis said and relief flooded through me. ‘It’s probably just me not wearing shoes or something though. Or maybe I’ve gotten taller! I’m still growing, you know.’
‘That’s-yeah!’ I gasped. ‘You’ve probably had a growth spurt! And I must have imagined all the stuff with the clothes! I’m not going crazy’
‘Nope! You’re not going crazy.’ Alexis beamed and I almost fell over from relief. I reached out to hug her but stopped myself just in time, remembering what had happened in the bathroom.
‘Oh!’ I grabbed her hand instead and looked up at her in concern. ‘What happened before? Are you okay?’
‘Yes! I’m all good now.’ She nodded and swept me up in a hug. It felt different from before due to the change in height, but it was still nice. Thankfully not as weirdly nice as before though. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘What happened?’
‘It’s hard to explain and…we don’t need to talk about it now.’ She ruffled my hair and grinned at me. ‘It’s not important. Honestly.’
I was trying to decide if I should push the issue more when there was a jingling from out in the hallway and we both turned to the doorway just as Mrs Nakamura entered. She was holding her car keys and had changed into more comfortable-looking clothes.
‘Knock knock!’ she said as she entered and smiled at Alexis and I. ‘I’m heading off now! I left some money on the kitchen bench for the pizza, you should order it soon so you’re not up too late.’
‘Thanks mum!’ Alexis smiled and detached from the hug.
‘Are you going to make mum come here?’ I asked hopefully but Mrs Nakamura shook her head.
‘I’m not going to force her to do anything.’ She said and smiled tightly. ‘Although I wish I could, to be honest. She knows what’s best for the two of you though, more than I do.’
‘Can you make her take me t-’ I cut myself off, realising that she’d just said she wasn’t going to make mum do anything. ‘Uhm! Can you…uh…’
She put a hand on my shoulder and gently squeezed it. ‘Try not to stress about it, honey. At least not until my husband and I get back.’
‘O-okay.’ I nodded, feeling stupid. ‘Thankyou.’
‘Just try and relax.’ she said gently. ‘Can you do that?’
‘I’ll make sure he does.’ Alexis smiled and patted me on the back.
‘Okay then! I’ll see you guys in a few hours.’ Mrs Nakamura said and nodded at Alexis. ‘Don’t forget to order your sister something as well, okay? She hasn’t had dinner yet.’
‘Ah! Pizza!’ Nyoko came running out of her room, having clearly been eavesdropping on the conversation. She was like a smaller, chubbier version of Alexis with a bowl cut. ‘I want a meat-lovers! A big one!’
‘You can have a small meat-lovers.’ Alexis laughed and looked at me. ‘Did you want to go halves in a Hawaiian?’
‘Okay!’ To my surprise I was actually starting to feel really hungry. ‘Could we maybe get a large one?’
‘What about garlic bread? And coke?’ Nyoko looked up at her sister pleadingly.
‘No coke!’ Mrs Nakamura said as she started walking off.
‘What! No! Mum!’ Nyoko cried and ran over to her. ‘I haven’t had any today!’
‘It’ll keep you up all night if you have some now, and you’ve got school in the morning.’
‘But you can’t have pizza without coke! That’s mean!’
‘What? How is it mean?’
Their voices disappeared down the hall and Alexis and I shared an amused smile. Nyoko was very passionate about pizza.
‘Right!’ Alexis said and grinned at me. ‘Let’s order some pizza and relax!’
‘Mm!’ I returned her grin. ‘Can we play pool for a bit?’
‘I thought you wanted to play on the WiiU.’ Alexis asked as she left the room.
‘I do but…’ I began but stopped, a small shiver running down my spine. I felt an uncomfortable sensation, as if I was being watched, and slowly turned around to look at the back of the room.
Where a woman was standing next to the computer desk, staring at me in utter bewilderment and holding a half-eaten slice of cake. She had flowing black hair tied into a loose ponytail with two thick strands falling on either side of her face, which was long and defined with a scar running down from the corner of her bottom lip to under her chin. A loose black nightdress hung off of her bony frame and I could see an array of other scars along her shoulders and legs.
‘Oh!’ she said in a familiar voice and I gasped. That was the same voice I’d heard when the spider had attacked! ‘Bloody hell! What the fuck have I done to you?’
‘Huh!?’ I gaped at her, just as bewildered as she was.
‘Eden?’ Alexis asked and I turned to where she was she frowning at me form the doorway. ‘You okay?’
I stared at her in confusion and pointed at the woman. ‘Look!’
Alexis followed my hand and blinked. ‘See who?’
‘Her! Can’t you s-’ I began but stopped. The woman was gone. ‘What the hell! There was a…’
I stopped myself. There was no way that woman had been real, just like that spider hadn’t been real and I hadn’t shrunk. What was going on with me? Was I losing my mind!? Oh god! I needed to calm down!
‘Are you okay?’ Alexis asked as I frantically rubbed my face and eyes.
‘I-yeah.’ I swallowed. ‘I’m just…I don’t know. I need to relax like your mum said! And I’m really hungry too! We should order the pizza now!’
Alexis grabbed my hand and smiled. ‘Yeah, let’s go. You’ll feel much better after eating something.’
‘I hope so.’
‘Trust me.’ she said brightly and led me out of the room, her warm hand once again starting to calm me down. ‘You’ll be fine.’
I looked back at the corner of the room as we left, but there was nobody there.
Chapter 6
The next three hours passed by in a pleasant haze as Alexis, Nyoko and I hung out in the den. We played pool for a bit but after Alexis beat me four times in a row I decided that I didn’t like pool very much anymore and we spent played video games instead. I wasn’t very good at them either but most of Alexis’s games were co-op so it didn’t hurt my pride too much whenever I lost, although the fact that Nyoko was better at them than me didn’t feel good.
I’d felt a bit off for the first hour but as soon as the pizza arrived I devoured a couple of slices and felt infinitely better, just like Alexis said I would. It hadn’t settled well in my stomach though and as the night progressed I began to get mild stomach cramps, which drained what little energy I still had left. I slumped next to Alexis and drifted off into a light sleep, letting her and Nyoko focus on their game. I’d gotten the impression that Nyoko was getting annoyed with how badly I was playing anyway, and she seemed much happier with me gone.
I don’t know how long I slept for but I was woken up by the sounds of the front door opening. As I drowsily pushed myself up into a kneeling position I heard someone enter the bathroom, and after a moment Mr Nakamura came into the room with a pleasant smile. My drowsiness disappeared in an instant and I focused all of my attention onto him.
‘Hey guys.’ He said, brushing his floppy black hair out of his eyes. ‘How’s your evening been?’
‘Good!’ Alexis said. ‘We’ve got some pizza left if you and mum want some.’
‘Thanks! But we’re good, we ate at Erin’s.’
‘The roast chicken?’ I asked and he nodded. ‘Was it good?’
‘It was great. Your mother’s a fantastic cook.’
‘I like turkey.’ Nyoko said happily. ‘Turkeys are ugly but chickens are cute and it’s not good to eat cute things.’
‘That’s why I never eat lamb.’ I said and we solemnly nodded at each other.
‘What about beef?’ Alexis asked and I sniffed unhappily.
‘Cows are jerks. I don’t care what happens to them.’
‘Anyway!’ Mr Nakamura said as Alexis began to ask me something else. ‘Could I speak to Eden for a moment?’
‘Sure.’ Alexis said and got up, pausing the game. ‘Come on Nyoko.’
Nyoko gasped. ‘Wait! We’re nearly finished! We just have to find the DK coin and w-’
‘Nyoko! Come on.’ Alexis said and pulled her to her feet. ‘It’s time for you to go to bed anyway.’
‘No it’s not! What’s the time?’ Nyoko struggled against Alexis’s grip.
‘It’s eleven thirty!’
She stopped struggling. ‘Oh! That’s late!’
‘Yeah, it is! So come one.’
‘Alright.’ She conceded and Alexis let go of her. ‘Goodnight dad. Goodnight Eden.’
We said goodbye and then Mr Nakamura sat next to me, his weight pushing the cushion down and making me lean involuntarily towards him.
‘So, Eden.’ he began but I didn’t let him finish.
‘Is mum okay?’
‘Yes! She’s doing fine now.’ He nodded. ‘But s-’
‘Is she going to take me to Sanders tomorrow?’
‘…no.’
‘Why not?!’
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘She’s worried your dad is going to hurt you if he sees you tomorrow.’
‘Then she should come here!’
‘She can’t. Your dad won’t let her see you by herself and she can’t sneak off because it’ll be pretty obvious where she’s gone, so she’s going to stay at home for a while. She thinks that if she doesn’t visit you then your dad won’t as well, and she can keep an eye on him.’
‘Can’t she get away from him for a bit then?’ I asked hopefully. ‘Like slip out during the day or something when he’s working?’
‘It’s a three hour drive to Sanders from your place. Your dad would definitely notice her absence.’
Crap. I’d forgotten how far away Sanders was. ‘Well…then maybe it’s fine if he comes then? He said he was sorry, and he really seemed to mean it this time! He even gave me money!’
‘Your mum doesn’t want to risk it, and I agree with her.’ Mr Nakamura said tightly. ‘Your father’s become more and more erratic ever since he found out what Jon had been doing to you and frankly, it’s just not safe for you to be around him anymore. It was probably never safe you to be around him, to be honest. I can’t remember a single week over the past year when you weren’t covered in bruises from his fists.’
‘Yeah, but..he…he doesn’t mean it.’ I said weakly and gritted my teeth as a cramp assaulted my stomach. ‘He just gets angry sometimes, and it’s usually my fault s-’
‘What?’ Mr Nakamura growled, making me flinch. ‘It is never your fault Eden!’
‘Yes it is.’ My stomach clenched and all the guilt I’d felt before reared back up. ‘If I hadn’t of kept that stupid photo then dad wouldn’t have gotten so angry and hurt mum. That was my fault. I know it was!’
‘That was your fathers fault! He completely over-reacted, just like he did when he first found out about you dressing as a girl. He takes things way too far.’
‘What about when he found out what I’d told the police about Jon? When he threw me against the hospital wall and broke my arm?’
‘What? Yes!’ Mr Nakamura said, sounding surprise. ‘Of course! That was one of the worst things he’s ever done! You should never have lied to the police about that, he should have been arrested!’
I clenched my fists to stop them from shaking. ‘I lied because it was my fault! Cos if I’d died like I was supposed to then he and mum would never have known what Jon did, and they’d be happy! He w-’
‘Eden, no!’ I jumped and saw Mrs Nakamura standing in the doorway, her face aghast. ‘None of this is your fault! You know that!’
The expression on her face filled me with a new kind of guilt and I stared shamefully down at my lap. Shit. If I kept talking like this I’d just upset her and her husband and I didn’t want to do that, not after they’d been so nice. I shouldn’t even be here! I’d messed up and now I was burdening them with my presence, it wasn’t fair for me to upset them like this.
‘You don’t really think that do you?’ Mrs Nakamura sat down opposite me and put a hand on my leg. ‘That your parents would be happy if you were dead?’
‘…no.’ I shook my head and avoided looking at her. Hearing it out loud from someone else made me feel sick. ‘I was just upset, I didn’t mean it.’
‘Suicide won’t make anything better.’ Mrs Nakamura said gently.
‘I know.’
‘If you’re feeling like hurting yourself the-’
‘I’m not going to hurt myself.’ I said quickly. ‘I was just upset but I’m fine now. I…I don’t want to talk about this…can I call mum and see if she’s okay?’
‘Your mother’s fine.’ Mrs Nakamura squeezed my leg gently. ‘Don’t worry about her. When we left she was just about to go to bed, so I think it’d be a good idea to leave her be for the night. She’s been through a lot today and needs a good night’s sleep.’
‘Can’t I call her just for a minute? I won’t even mention dad or anything!’ I looked up at Mrs Nakamura pleadingly. ‘I just want to hear her voice! Please!’
She began to say no but her lip trembled and gritted her teeth. ‘I…guess that’s fine. But just for a minute, okay? And I want you to promise me that you won’t bring up anything serious. ’
‘I promise.’ I said eagerly and watched as she pulled out her phone and called mum, then handed it to me.
‘Hello?’ Mum’s beautiful, tired voice lit up my ear.
‘Mum!’
‘Eden! Are you okay?’
‘I am! Are you?’
‘Yes. I’m much better now.’ she said brightly. ‘Alexis’s parents made sure of that.’
‘Are yo-’ I began but stopped. I was about to ask her if she was going to come to Sanders tomorrow but I already knew she wasn’t. ‘Uhm. W-when can I see you again?’
‘I was thinking that I’d see you at Sanders on Friday afternoon?’
‘Really?’ I gasped. Mr Nakamura had made me think that I wouldn’t get to see her again for a month or something! ‘What about…uhm…’
‘Your father’s going to be…he’s…’ she trailed off for a moment. ‘We spoke on the phone half an hour ago and decided that it would be best if he moved in with some friends at the end of the week.’
‘He has friends?’ I’d thought Jon had been his only one.
Mum laughed. ‘Yes! He does have friends, strangely enough. The guys he goes drinking with. He’s staying with one of them.’
‘Is he going to come back?’ I asked quietly.
‘I don’t know. But you don’t need to worry about that now, okay? We’ll talk about this more when I see you on Friday.’
I forced myself to not ask any more questions. ‘Okay then.’
‘Are you excited about tomorrow?’
I actually took me a couple of seconds to realise she was talking about Sanders. ‘Oh. I guess so.’
‘You don’t sound excited!’
‘It hasn’t really sunk in yet.’ I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see it. ‘Today kind of threw me off.’
‘I can imagine.’ Mum said sadly. ‘But tomorrow’s going to be a big day for you, so get excited! It’s the start of a whole new era of your life, and the first steps towards you creating comics!’
‘Yeah.’ I tried to sound excited but couldn’t muster up the energy, still hurt by dad’s words. My drawings were shit, he hadn’t lied about that. And now I was starting to doubt that the cartooning class would actually help me. You couldn’t turn shit into gold. ‘I’ll probably be more excited tomorrow when I wake up.’
‘Have Alexis’s parents told you about how you’re getting to Sanders?’
I shook my head and then blushed when I realised she couldn’t see it. ‘Oh, no! How am I getting there?’
‘They have to leave early and won’t get off work until late, so you and Alexis are going to get a train there for the dorm introduction meetings, then they’ll come by after that and drop off your stuff.’
‘Did you give them my suitcases to take?’
‘Yep. You packed everything you needed, right?’
‘I-’ My stomach cramped and I suppressed a grunt of pain, then continued speaking. ‘I think so!’
‘Well, if you’ve forgotten something then give me a call and I’ll bring it on Friday.’ Mum said through a yawn. ‘Sorry about that! I’m a bit tired.’
‘You should go to bed then!’
‘I am in bed! And you should be too, it’s almost midnight.’
‘Can I call you tomorrow?’
‘I’ll call you, okay? Around lunchtime.’
‘Okay!’
There was a brief pause before she spoke again. ‘Alright. I…sleep well, Eden. I love you.’
‘I love you too mum!’
She made a happy sound and then hung up. I let out a heavy sigh and ran my hands through my hair, feeling much better but still…not great. It was weird talking to her on the phone, especially after what had happened, and I was still upset about her not coming tomorrow. I knew why but it didn’t make me feel any better. And while it was awesome that I’d get to see her on Friday that was after a whole week of Sanders! I wanted her to be there at the start, to see my dorm room with me and walk around the grounds and have lunch together. That was what I had been most looking forward to tomorrow, not actually moving into Sanders.
‘Are you okay?’ Mrs Nakamura drew me out of my thoughts.
‘Yes! Thankyou so much for letting me speak to her!’ I said and handed her back the phone. ‘It…helped a lot. I feel better now.’
‘I’m glad.’ she smiled and got off the couch. ‘Now, why don’t you go and clean your teeth? I’m going to set up the sofa bed in Alexis’s room for you to sleep in.’
‘Thankyou!’
She smiled and left the room, and her husband got up as well.
‘You going to be alright?’ he asked and I nodded. ‘Alright then. I’m off to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow!’
‘Goodnight!’
As I watched him leave my stomach cramped again and I grunted in pain. They were starting to get really painful now, and seemed to be spreading out somehow, if that was even possible. My chest was beginning to ache too, as well as my liver. I really hoped I didn’t get worse throughout the night and end up unable to go to Sanders. After everything that had happened today, getting sick from eating pizza seemed like the most embarrassing way possible to miss out on my first day at Sanders.
Once my stomach calmed down I cleaned my teeth and then went to Alexis’s room, where Mrs Nakamura had just finished setting up the sofa bed. She gave me a hug and left after telling me that I should wake her up if I needed anything throughout the night. I thanked her and jumped onto the bed, rolled around for a bit and then burrowed under the covers. Mrs Nakamura had given me two pillows and I gratefully wrapped myself around the largest one just like I did at home. My head was a mess of worry and disappointment but my exhaustion weighted them both down and after a minute I began to doze off. Barely a minute had passed though before Alexis came in, called out goodnight to her parents and shut the door behind her.
‘Eden? You awake?’ she asked and I squeaked tiredly. ‘Did dad tell you about tomorrow?’
‘Yeah. We’re getting a train to Sanders.’ I mumbled and turned over to look at her. ‘We don’t have to wear our uniforms tomorrow, do we? Cos I think mine’s in the SUV.’
‘Nah, tomorrow’s only for people living in the dorms.’ She sat on the edge of her bed and looked down at me. ‘We’re going to have some kind of meeting in the dining hall and meet all of the dorm heads and their bosses.’
‘Have you met yours? Your dorm heads?’ There were six dorms, split in half by gender and each with their own separate dorm heads. I’d met both of mine but I only really remembered one, a kind old man with an oversized moustache that made him look like a video game villain. He’d been really understanding about my height and told me that he’d make sure that none of the older boys bullied me, and if they did to come to him straight away and he’d sort them out.
‘I met one of them. I think her name was Julia, and she was nice I guess. I just…’ she let out a nervous sigh. ‘I wish we lived closer so I wouldn’t have to stay there. I don’t know any of the girls and I don’t like the idea of sharing a room with a stranger.’
‘I’ll be around! And Reece too!’
‘Boys aren’t allowed in the girls section though, and Reece isn’t even in our class. I’ll only see you in classes and the co-ed common room and canteen. Beyond that, I’ll be spending most of my time with a bunch of strangers.’
The bitterness in her voice surprised me and sat up. ‘I thought you were really excited about going to Sanders.’
‘I’m excited about the biology and photography classes. Not the dorms.’
‘You’ve never said anything about it before!’
‘I didn’t want to complain.’
‘It’s not complaining!’ I crawled off my bed and onto hers, ignoring a painful cramp in my side. ‘I’d be terrified if Reece wasn’t going to be with me! I don’t know if I’d even be going if he wasn’t sharing a room with me, so you’re really brave!’
She looked at me sadly through her hair. ‘I wish I could share a room with you instead.’
‘I do too!’ I hugged her tightly, hoping that I was as comforting to her as she was to me. ‘It’s stupid that they don’t let boys and girls share a room. We sleep in the same room all the time and nothing bad ever happens!’
She laughed softly. ‘Not yet it doesn’t.’
‘What do you mean?’
She pulled out of the hug and looked at me seriously. ‘Well, okay. I’d never sleep alone in the same room as Reece, or hug him like this. I do with you because even though I like…I mean, because you’re…you…but one day you’re going to get older and…and be like Reece.’
I processed that slowly, not quite sure what she meant. ‘What do you mean like Reece?’
‘You know. Attracted to girls.’ she said after a moment, seeming embarrassed.
‘Why would that-oh!’ I finally figured out what she meant. ‘Reece wouldn’t try to try and kiss you or something! He’s really nice!’
‘I know, but I’ve caught him looking up my skirt a few times and a f-’
‘What?!’ I gaped at her. ‘He looked up your skirt?’
‘It’s not a big deal. Heaps of boys have tried to look up my skirt. Some girls have too.’ she blushed slightly.
‘Isn’t that scary? I’d never wear a skirt if I caught someone trying to look up it!’
‘You get used to it.’ she said casually. ‘Skirts are…weird. They’re annoying to wear but they look good, especially on girls with long legs. Dresses too. Oh! Have you seen the girl’s school uniform?’ I shook my head and her eyes lit up. ‘It’s amazing! All of the items are fitted, even the shirts, and the blazer looks so professional! But the dress is the best part, it’s short but not too short and the white hemming looks amazing with the white socks we have to wear.’
I'd never really found clothes all that interesting and as such was having trouble following what she’d just said. ‘What does fitted mean?’
‘It means that it’s tight, it hugs your body and doesn’t float out all over the place like our old uniform did.’ she said distastefully. ‘I am so glad I don’t have to wear that stupid thing anymore.’
‘My uniform is like our old one. It’s baggy and horrible, and is way too big for me.’ I said miserably.
‘You’ll grow into it.’ Alexis said confidentially.
‘I hope so.’ I began to say something else but another stupid cramp appeared, this time at the base of my stomach. ‘Ugh! Did that pizza make you feel sick?’
‘No, I feel fine. You don’t?’
‘I keep getting these cramps every now and then around my stomach.’ I said just as another cramp appeared near my kidneys.
‘Did you want me to get an aspirin?’ she asked but I shook my head, the idea of putting something else in my stomach making me queasy.
‘I think I just need to sleep it off.’ I said and crawled back onto my bed. ‘My body’s probably just tired and needs to sleep.’
‘Yeah, it probably does actually.’ Alexis said and got up. ‘I’m going to turn the lights off then, I’m going to sleep too.’
‘Do we have to get up at a specific time tomorrow?’
‘Well, we have to catch the train at one.’ she said as she flicked off the lights. ‘So we’ll probably want to be up by eleven. I’ll set my alarm clock but we’ll probably be away by then anyway.’
‘Probably.’ I agreed, getting under my bedcovers and hugging the pillow to my chest again. ‘Goodnight Alexis!’
‘Night Eden! Sweet dreams!’
‘You too!’ I said and closed my eyes, hoping that I’d feel better in the morning.
I didn’t sleep well. The cramps got worse as the night progressed and I started to wonder if they were even cramps anymore. It felt like my internal organs were being squeezed all at once, from my heart to my intestines down to my kidneys, and it felt disgustingly weird. After a while my head began to ache too, and a burning sensation started encompassing my body.
Dreams assaulted me every now and them, unpleasant ones about dad hurting mum and Alexis screaming at me for some reason, telling me everything was my fault, but they never lasted very long. The woman I’d imagined from before appeared in some of them too, asking me where I lived and telling me that she was sorry, that she didn’t mean for this to happen.
I gasped awake multiple times during the night and the burning sensation got so bad that I ended up taking off Nyoko’s clothes and sleeping naked, something I never did. I was too uncomfortable to be embarrassed though, and fear was starting to creep into the back of my mind. This was not a normal kind of sickness, at least not the kind you’d get from eating a bad pizza. Every cell in my body felt like it was on fire and the horrible squeezing feeling inside of me was getting worse by the minute.
Was this because of the spider!? Had it actually been real and poisoned me? Were my organs failing? Shit! They were, weren’t they! What else could this feeling be! Oh god. I was dying! I needed to get Alexis’s parents! They’d know what to do, and if they didn’t then they could call an ambulance and they’d definitely know what to do!
There room was upstairs though and I didn’t think I’d be able to make it in this state. I needed help.
‘Alexis!’ I croaked and pushed myself up onto my knees, my body drenched in cold sweat and shaking uncontrollably. ‘Alexis!’
I tried to crawl over to her but pain exploded inside of me as the burning sensation intensifying to the point that it felt like my body was actually melting. I tried to scream but nothing came out beyond a pained whimper and collapsed onto the bed, the last of my energy dying. My insides erupted into agony and I thrashed about helplessly as a pain I’d never experienced before wracked my body, both inside and out. My vision blurred and the sensation from before happened again, like I’d fallen off a cliff, and I was suddenly drowning in darkness.
It devoured me.
Sorry for the delay with this, I was hoping to post it on Friday but things kept getting in the way, and a small change I made earlier in the story had a horrible domino effect later on and I've had to rewrite entire segments which have had an even larger domino effect and...AGH >.<
My head hurts.
Eden's Reality
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves something unexpected happens, and he wakes up the next day a different person.
All feedback is very much appreciated :)
Chapter Seven
(So, I moved the end of the last chapter, where Eden wakes as a girl, into here because it flowed better. I altered it slightly but if you read the last chapter then you can skip the first few paragraphs if you want!)
The morning light slowly dragged me back up from the darkness and I opened my eyes, feeling far better than I expected to. In fact, I felt better than I had in a long time, as if I’d had a decent night’s sleep instead of the painful, fractured mess that had actually happened. My chest was a bit sore for some reason but beyond that everything was fine!
I guess it had just been some kind of weird pizza…thing. Indigestion? Whatever! I wasn’t sick anymore, thank god! That had been terrifying, worse than anything I’d ever experience before. What the hell kind of horrible pizza could do that to someone?
I turned over on the bed to see what time it was and came face to face with a seal. I stared at it stupidly for a moment before realising that it was Alexis’s baby seal plushy, for some reason now in my bed. I giggled at its cute, round face and large black eyes, and couldn’t resist reaching out to hug it. For some reason though my arms weren’t…right somehow…and they missed it and thumped against the wooden backing of the bed, then fell onto the beds fluffy pillows.
Something was very wrong. And as my tired mind began to wake itself up I started to realise what.
First off, I was naked. Which made sense because I remembered taking off my clothes in the night when I’d felt like I was burning. And that’d be fine if not for the fact that I was in Alexis’s bed!
The baby seal wasn’t in my bed, I was in hers! The sofa bed didn’t have a wooden backing and its pillows were large and thick, not soft and fluffy.
But worst of all…there was something wrong with my hands.
I stared intently at them and a cold feeling trickled down my spine. They was smaller than they had been, the fingers thinner and more delicate, and callouses that’d built up from my years of forest exploration were gone. My nails were longer than they had been too, were slightly curved at the top and far cleaner than I’d ever seen them.
My arms were thinner as well and not as long as they had been, but the scars were still there. I swallowed uncomfortably and pushed myself up into a sitting position, letting the blankets slide off of me to reveal my torso. I looked down and blinked in confusion.
My...my body wasn’t my body anymore. My waist was smaller, my hips wider and…there were small lumps on my chest, almost like…
‘W-what…’ I stammered and gingerly poked one of the lumps. It wasn’t too large, kind of like a flattish tennis ball. It was as if my chest had started growing for some reason, right where my nipples were. The lump I’d poked hurt slightly even though I’d barely touched it and for one horrible minute I thought that it might be a tumor, that the pain from last night was me getting cancer but…
Another thought occurred to me and I slowly pushed the rest of the sheets off of my lower half, took a deep breath and then stared down at it.
Then gasped and looked right back up. What the fuck!
It was gone. The thing between my legs, the disgusting thing Jon had kept touching, the…the thing men had…that Jon had…a p-p-p-
Wow, it’s finally starting to get hard huh?
I started shaking and crawled over to the mirror, hoping that I was just seeing things and my refection would show my body the way it normally was. I had to be hallucinating, there was no way this was real. I took a shaky breath to stabilize myself and looked into the mirror, hoping against hope that I was going to see myself staring back at me.
I barely recognized the face in the mirror. My cheekbones were higher, making my face heart-shaped like mums was, and my lips were thick and curved like hers were too. The bump in my nose was gone and it was smaller than it had been, making it far less prominent. My eyes were the opposite, having become slightly larger than they had been and ringed by the same thick, long lashes that made mum look so pretty. I also had similar eyebrows to her too, as they were now thinner and longer instead of just small and bushy. For the first time in my life I actually kind of looked like I was older than ten, but…
It seemed like all the features I’d inherited from dad had been replaced by mums, except for my hair. It was thicker and silkier than before but still a dark blonde and incredibly messy. An uncountable number of loose strands were poking out all over the place and thick chunk of them fell over my right side like normal.
The brown mark was still there, although it was thinner and longer than before and seemed to stand out more. For the first time in my life I found myself overjoyed to see it still there, as even though it was slightly different it was a definite marker than I was still…me.
I noticed other changes too, like my neck being slightly longer and the hints of an Adams apple that had been growing lately were completely gone. My shoulders had lost all of the muscle I’d developed over the past couple of years and were now slim and petite like my arms. In fact, my whole body was smaller than it had been. Not by much but I felt off-balance even kneeling down as my brain tried to adjust to my new eye height. I guess I really had been shrinking yesterday…and I’d shrunk even more now…
I avoided looking at my groin and inspected my legs, seeing that they too had thinned down, but were curvier than before, rounding off the sides and into my wider hips. They weren’t all that wide, but compared to before they were. Definitely enough to be feminine, but not as wide as mum or Alexis’s were. My feet were tiny too, but they’d always been small so that change was probably the least significant.
‘I’m…I’m not….’ I said stupidly and noticed that my voice was softer and slightly more high-pitched than before. I let out a shaky sigh and closed my eyes, took a couple of slow, deep breaths, then opened them again in the hopes that I’d see my normal, male self staring back at me.
A pale, tiny little girl stared fearfully back at me through a mass of silky blonde hair.
Oh god…this couldn’t be real…there was no way…no way…
I checked Alexis’s alarm clock and saw that it was ten in the morning, meaning that her parents had probably left hours ago. Had they seen me like this? Were they the ones that’d moved me into Alexis’s bed? Had they called my parents? I flinched as I imagined dad seeing me like this. Last night he’d slammed me against a wall just for having a picture of me dressed as a girl! He’d probably kill me if he saw me now! There was no way he-
‘You’re awake!’
I yelped in shock and looked up at the doorway, where Alexis had just entered. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even noticed her standing there. She was wearing a white tank-top and a loose knee-length denim skirt over black leggings, and had put on some pink lip gloss and mascara.
I gasped, slammed my legs together and covered my chest with my hands, feeling horribly vulnerable. Alexis slowly walked over and knelt down in front of her, her eyes huge.
‘Eden?’ she asked, her eyes flashing over my body. ‘Is…is that you?’
‘Yes!’ My throat tightened and I fought off a sob. ‘Of course it’s me!’
Relief broke on her face and she let out a breath. ‘Ohh, thank god! I...I found you like that an hour ago and I didn’t know what to do so I put you in my bed in case….I don’t know! Fuck! Fuck! This is so weird! Eden! You’re a girl!’
‘I know!’
‘Did you…did you do something to yourself last night?’
‘I didn’t do anything!’ I cried and tried to stop my body from shaking so much. ‘I just woke up like this, like two minutes ago!’
‘W-well, have you been taking female hormones or something?’
‘What? No!’ I snapped angrily. ‘Why would you even ask me that? Hormones can’t do this in one night! And they don’t make…they don’t turn genitals into other genitals.’ I finished awkwardly and avoided looking her in the eye.
‘I know, but…’ she ran her hands through her hair. ‘I just-just don’t know what else could have happened! Boys don’t just turn into girls overnight! It’s impossible!’
My throat tightened again. ‘…is this real?’
She swallowed before answering. ‘I’m pretty sure it is. Mum and dad woke me up to say goodbye and then left with Nyoko like two hours ago, and I know that was all real. I haven’t fallen asleep since then and I don’t hallucinate like you do so…so this is real. It doesn’t make any sense but it’s real!’
I forced myself not to whimper and took a steadying breath to try and calm myself down. ‘Did your parents see me like this? Or Nyoko?’
‘No.’
‘Good. O-okay so…’ I rubbed my eyes, which were wet and sore. ‘I t-’
‘Uh! You need to put some clothes on!’ Alexis gasped and I realised with a jolt that I’d left my chest exposed.
‘Oh god! Sorry!’ I cried and covered myself back up as my face burned. ‘I threw off Nyoko’s clothes last night cos I got really hot and I don’t know where they ended up!’
‘I-It’s fine.’ She went over to her wardrobe and looked through it. ‘None of my pants will fit you but a shirt should be fine. You’re small enough that it’ll cover your…everything. Here. This doesn’t fit me too well anymore so it should be good for you.’
She threw me a white shirt with a cute black lamb on the front and I quickly slipped it over my head and stood up. To my relief it fell down to my knees and wasn’t as comically oversized as I’d expected, although it was still far too big for my body. It was infinitely better than nothing though.
The fabric seemed to be irritating my chest thought, as every time it brushed against my breasts it itched horribly, and I refused to scratch them. I didn’t want to deal with the reality of those things any time soon. I just needed to ignore my body and try to figure out how this happened, so I could find a way to fix it somehow.
I knelt down so the shirt didn’t feel like a dress as much and ran my hands though my hair, trying to figure out how this could have happened. I remembered all of the pain last night, but how would that have turned me into a girl? Hadn’t it just been from the pizza? If not, then it was from t-
Oh god!
The spider!
‘Alexis!’ I cried and she looked around at me from the wardrobe. ‘I think I know what happened!’
‘You do?’ she came over and knelt down in front of me again, her eyes narrowed intently.
‘That spider that chased me and Reece, it attacked me just before I saw you outside my house last night!’ I said and clutched my chest, the memory making me shudder.
‘What? Really?’ her eyes widened in concern. ‘Did it bite you?
‘Yeah! But I didn’t think it was real so I didn’t mention it but…it had to have happened!’ I said and then proceeded to tell her everything about the incident with the spider, from hearing the woman’s voice to it biting my chest to me absorbing its heart.
It…sounded insane out loud, and as I kept talking Alexis’s expression gradually changed from confusion to disbelief, and when I finished she just stared at me in silence.
‘Uhm! I know it sounds super weird but, it has to be real right? I was a boy yesterday and after I absorbed the spider I turned into a girl!’
‘I…uh…’ she rubbed her forehead and frowned at me. ‘It kind of makes sense, I guess? But why would absorbing a spider turn you into a girl?’
‘I don’t know! I don’t think it was a real spider though because it had a human heart and red blood.’ I frowned and thought back to the things the woman had said. ‘I think maybe it was a part of her somehow! When I first absorbed it she said something like “that’s part of me!” and
when I saw her in here she said something like, “what have I done to you?” and…and yeah!’
‘You saw her here?’
‘Mm! But it wasn’t real. Or! I mean, I don’t think she was really here…but…I…it was strange!’ I turned bright red. ‘But it happened! Like…ugh! Don’t worry about that! It’s not important, the absorbing the spider stuff is!’
‘O-okay…’ Alexis said slowly. ‘So…you think you absorbed her blood? And it changed you into a girl?’
‘Does that make sense?’ I asked hopefully. ‘Like, her blood has to be special if she could make a spider with it!’
‘No!’ she scowled and angrily rubbed her forehead again. ‘It doesn’t make any sense! People can’t make blood spiders! That’s insane and impossible! And why would your body absorb it, and how would that make you a girl? It doesn’t make any sense Eden!’
I put my hands on her leg and looked up at her. ‘You don’t believe me? I’m not crazy!’
Her expression softened and she put a hand on mine, but she shook her head. ‘I know you’re not crazy, but…there has to be a more rational explanation that you absorbing a spider! That’s insane!’
‘But it has to be true! Look at me!’ I cried, grabbing her hands and squishing them against my face. ‘This is real! You even said it was real before.’
‘You being a girl is real.’ she said, slowly moving her hands along my face with wide eyes. Her fingers gently caressed my cheeks and lips, then moved up into my hair. ‘Way too real. Jesus…you look like a younger version of your mum. And your skin is so soft and…amazing. I can only get my skin like that if I moisturize it every day.’
My face burned. ‘I don’t want to look like mum! And I don’t care what my skins like! We have to fix this! I can’t stay like this!’
She ran her hands through my hair and put them on my shoulders, a strange expression on her face. Kind of like the one she got when she was around mum and the one she’d gotten in the bathroom before, some weird kind of embarrassment. Or disappointment? What was g-
A loud ringing sound coming from the front of the house and we both cried out in shock.
‘Shit! That was the doorbell!’ Alexis jumped up and ran to the doorway.
‘Wait! Who is it?’
‘I don’t know! You should stay here though, just in case. It’s probably someone delivering something dad ordered online.’
‘Won’t they just leave it at the door if nobody answers? Do you have to go?’ I really didn’t want to be alone right now.
‘Yeah, but it could be important! I have to check! Sorry!’ she said and disappeared down the hallway.
I scowled at the empty doorway. This was just like the night before, when she’d gotten weird and ran off! What the hell was wrong with her!
No! No, that wasn’t fair. I couldn’t blame her for running off now, not with me like this. If I’d woken up to find Alexis as a guy for no reason I’d probably want to get out of here and…I don’t know…escape from the strangeness for a moment. I envied her.
I got to my feet and walked over to the doorway, hoping I’d be able to hear who was at the door. There was no way it was mum or dad, but maybe it was Alexis’s parents. What was I going to do if they saw me like this? Would they believe I hadn’t done this on purpose? If Alexis didn’t believe the story about the spider then there was no way an adult would!
Fear rose up in me and I instead ran back to Alexis’s bed and crawled into it, hugging the plushy seal to my chest. Maybe I could just hide under here if they came in and pretend I was sick or something.
What the hell was I going to do? I couldn’t go to Sanders like this! Could I? Maybe I could cut my hair and hide the breasts somehow? Even though they were small they still poked out enough to be noticeable through the shirt, but if I wore two shirts they’d probably be hidden. The school’s uniform came with a jumper so I could wear that! It could be enough to make me look at the very least gender ambiguous, like I used to be when I was younger. I could probably trick the other boys in the dorm if I was careful, and the heads and teachers too.
But what about people who knew me? Reece would see the change right away! And mum too! How was I going to explain what had happened? I couldn’t! And no one would believe I hadn’t done this to myself! I had to find a way to change back!
I hugged the seal tighter against me. Today was Monday and mum was coming on Friday. That should be enough time for me to find a way to fix this. That spider had turned me into a girl in under a day, so if I could find that woman then she should be able to turn me back that quickly! Right? She had to be able to! I couldn’t stay like this. I was a boy! I didn’t want to be a girl! I…
I…didn’t…
I poked my head out of the covers and looked at my reflection again. I really did look like a young mum, and she was beautiful. And that wasn’t just me being biased, everyone who saw her commented on it, and dad constantly bragged about it every chance he got. Jon used to joke that dad was lucky he got mum pregnant so young or she’d have never stayed with him.
I’d never understood why that was funny.
I crawled out of the bed and went back to the mirror to see myself better. If I grew up like this would I look like mum when I was her age? Would it undo all of the weird development problems I’d been having? I stood up and gently pushed the shirt harder against me so that it’d emphasized my body more. My waist was really small compared to my hips, just like mums, and my legs were long as well. There was a nice balance between my shoulder width and hips, and my breasts would probably get larger like a normal girls ones.
I…probably would look like mum if I grew up like this…
Was that…good?
A painfully empty feeling clutched at my stomach and I dropped to my knees, my eyes starting to tear. Fuck! This feeling was so familiar…I used to feel it all the time when I was younger, when I…
When I wanted to be a girl. I’d wanted to be a girl so badly that it’d hurt. I remembered telling mum that I wanted to grow up and be just like her…that’s all I’d ever wanted, to be just like her. I’d never understood why I couldn’t be, especially after the day at the zoo. All that had done was make the desire even stronger. She’d said I was like the daughter she’d never had and…and…
Then Jon had raped me.
And I never wanted to be a girl again.
A sob tore out of my throat and I turned away from the mirror, my vision blurring from tears. This had to be some kind of sick joke. There was no way that…that…
I dropped to my knees and rested my head on the ground, all of my energy disappearing. I couldn’t deal with this. It was too fucked up…too complicated…too…terrifying…
My body was so light and weak now…if someone wanted to do what Jon had done it’d be so easy for them. I couldn’t fight them off. I probably couldn’t have before, to be honest, but I’d looked like a boy then, and a kind of weird, ugly one at that. Now though…
I whimpered and clutched at my head. No no no no no no no no-
‘Eden?’ I looked up to see Alexis in the doorway, her face a mixture of confusion and worry. ‘Are you okay?’
‘No.’ I wiped my eyes and sobbed again.
‘Well…I think…I think that…’ Alexis came into the room and then looked back at the doorway. ‘I think that woman you saw is here.’
‘Huh?’ I blinked and looked at her, and then at the doorway just as a woman entered the room.
My heart leapt and I wiped my eyes again to see her clearly. It was woman I’d seen before!
I stared at her as she approached, for the first time seeing her in the flesh. She was tall, much taller than even mum, and had messy black hair that fell unevenly around her handsome face. Her pale brown complexion was flawless and enhanced her sharp features, making her look almost unearthly beautiful. There was a silver stud in her right nostril and two more in each ear, and even though I couldn’t see them I could hear some bracelets on her arms jingling as she moved. She was wearing a fitted black coat over a white tank top and I could see brown boots peeking out from under the cuffs of her black jeans.
‘Hi.’ she said, kneeling down in front of me. ‘My name’s Yani. We need to talk.’
Eden's Reality
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves something unexpected happens, and he wakes up the next day as a girl. The woman who he thinks responsible appears, but she's not as helpful as he'd expected
All feedback is very, very much appreciated :)
I am sorry for how long this took to get out. I've had a horrible couple of weeks and it's December so everything's been busy in good and bad ways. Plus this chapter was really frustrating to get right in my head and it took me ages for it to flow properly. I re-wrote it about five times before being happy with it and I'm so glad it's over and I can move on! Wah!
Chapter 8
It took a moment for Yani’s presence to fully sink in through my tired mind, but once it did I gasped and jumped to my feet.
‘Oh my god! You!’ I said stupidly and stared down at her as she slowly looked me over, her eyes dark and tired. ‘You’re real!’
‘I am. Unfortunately.’ she muttered and wiped some drops of sweat from her forehead. She was so tall that even kneeling down I was just barely taller than her, which I think was part of why she’d seemed so unearthly before. Now that we were face-to-face I could see that she was exhausted, with dark bags under her eyes and sweat littered along her face and chest. She was breathing as if she’d just finished running a marathon and smelt quite strongly of sweat and some kind of flowery deodorant that was so sharp it made me almost sneeze.
‘Uhm…’ I backed away from her. ‘Are you going to kill me.’
‘Don’t be stupid.’ she said and got to her feet with a wince. ‘Last night was a bloody shit-show and I have no desire to repeat it.’
I blinked. ‘A shit-show? What d-’
‘I don’t have much time so just shut up and listen, yeah?’ she said and then turned to Alexis, who was tensed up behind her. ‘And you too. I know I just barged in here but I’m not going to hurt either of you, so stop lurking behind me like some kind of bloody cat.’
Alexis relaxed slightly but an unpleasant expression appeared on her face. She came over and stood next to me, placing a protective hand on my shoulder. ‘Who are you? What’s going on?’
‘I’m about to explain that.’ Yani sighed and tiredly rubbed her face. ‘Fuck me. I feel like a sack of shit.’
‘…are you okay?’ I asked after almost a minute passed with her just rubbing her face and muttering.
‘I’m good. Just knackered.’ She sniffed and finally stopped rubbing herself. ‘Right. So, I can’t tell you much about who I am and what I do, but basically, I work for a private organization set up by a special individual, who gave me and my co-workers powers for…various reasons, and we help people. I guess you could see us as a kind of private military, if that works for you. One that works outside the government for the sole purpose of helping people.’
She stopped talking and Alexis and I looked at her expectantly. After she didn’t continue speaking Alexis decided to. ‘Could you explain that a bit more.’
‘No.’ She held up a hand as Alexis began to speak again. ‘I know how frustrating this must be, but just deal with it. I’m already on the verge of being fired for what happened last night and telling you two about our organization will just make things worse for all of us. Right now, nobody knows who you are or what happened, but if they do find out then it’s best if you remain as ignorant as possible so they have no reason to...do anything to you.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked uncomfortably but she shook her head.
‘Don’t worry about that. I’m going to make sure that they don’t find out what’s happened, for both our sakes.’
‘I don’t understand.’ Alexis said and I nodded.
Yani frowned and rubbed the bags underneath her eyes. ‘Shit. Okay, look. Yesterday morning I got a direct order on my phone from my boss to kill you, without making any verbal or physical contact until your death was assured. So I did, because a direct order from my boss is pretty bloody serious. But an hour after you absorbed my flesh creation, my spider, the order was rescinded and when I asked my boss about it she had no idea what I was talking about.’
‘What does that mean?’ I asked.
‘It means someone set me up.’ she said, her expression darkening. ‘And I have no bloody idea who, or why. My phone disappeared just as I was about to ask my boss about the orders I received so I have no proof of what happened and she thinks I just randomly attacked you for no reason. They don’t know you somehow turned into a girl though, they just think I messed up the attack and you’re going about your life blissfully ignorant of what almost happened. Which, as I said, is good for both of us. They’re ignoring you and focusing on me, hence why I don’t have much time. I’m on probation, I’m supposed to be in the Mansion all day under doing fucking paperwork for god’s sake! If they find out I’m here then we’re both fucked, which is why I need to get this over with as quickly as possible.’
My heart leapt at that. ‘You’re going to turn me back into a boy then?’
She looked at me silently for a moment before gritting her teeth and turning away. ‘No.’
‘What! Why not?’ I gasped and grabbed her arms. ‘You did this to me! You have to undo it!’
She tore her hands out of my grasp and narrowed her eyes at me. ‘I don’t know how to undo it! I don’t even know how this happened! You should be dead, not a bloody girl! It’s impossible!’
‘How is it impossible! You can make spiders with your blood! That’s impossible!’
‘No, it’s possible because I have Ye-I have my bosses blood in me! You don’t. You’re just a human kid!’ Her cheeks turned slightly red. ‘And I make those spiders with my flesh, not my blood. They’re flesh golems. That’s not really im-’
‘I don’t care what they are!’ I cried, my throat tightening. ‘I need to be a boy again! I can’t live like this! My dad’s going to kill me when he sees me! He won’t believe that this was just an accident, he already thinks I want to be a girl! And I start school today! I’m go-’
‘I know!’ Yani cut in angrily. ‘And if you’d have let me finish before, then I’d have been able to tell you that there’s someone there that can help you!’
‘Who?’ I snapped.
‘Julia!’ Yani also snapped and then let out a breath, calming herself down. ‘She used to work with us but quit a couple of years ago, right when I joined. She hasn’t been in contact with the organization since she left but knows far more about…certain things…than I ever could.’
‘How do you know even know what school I’m going to?’ I asked.
‘I looked into you before I tried to…kill you.’ Yani said awkwardly. ‘We have access to a lot of me-’
‘Wait.’ Alexis said slowly. ‘Are you talking about Julia Waters? One of the girls dorm heads?’
‘Yeah, that’s her.’ Yani said and shared Alexis’s disbelieving look. ‘I know, it’s a bloody huge coincidence, huh?’
‘Yeah, it is! Should we even talk to her then?’ Alexis asked. ‘What if she’s the one who planned all of this?’
Yani shook her head. ‘She didn’t. I’d trust Julia with my life, so you can as well. She’s a good person a-’
‘Can she turn me back into a boy?’ I cut in desperately.
‘I’m not sure. If anyone can though, it’s her.’ Yani said and a small ray of hope broke through the cloud despair hanging over me.
‘Okay then! We have to see her! She’s at school, right?’ I grabbed Alexis’s arm and began pulling her to the doorway.
‘Wait! We can’t go now, the school doesn’t open until two!’ she said and looked up at Yani. ‘Have you even spoken to her about this?’
‘I have, and she said she’s happy to see you tomorrow at lunch. She’ll probably t-’
‘No! We have to see her today!’ I cried. ‘I can’t spend the night like this!’
‘You’re going to have to.’ Yani said flatly. ‘She only agreed to help you so long as it doesn’t interfere with her dorm work.’
‘Bu-’
‘I…think it could be fine, Eden.’ Alexis said and I looked at her incredulously. ‘We should be able to make you look more like a boy for the rest of the day, and you can just hide out in your dorm room for the rest of the night and to-’
‘That won’t help! Reece will know I’m a girl as soon as he sees me!’
‘We can talk to him, explain what happened.’
‘He won’t believe us!’
‘Well…’ Alexis trailed off and shrugged. ‘He’ll have to.’
‘No! This is stupid!’ I snapped and glared at Yani. ‘You have to help me!’
‘I have helped!’ she said and gritted her teeth. ‘I know it’s not much but it’s better than nothing, yeah? I’m risking my job by coming here! You should be bloody thankful!’
‘Thankful?’ A burning rage tore through me and my hands clenched into fists. ‘You tried to kill me!’
‘Not on purpose! I was set up! It wasn’t my fault!’
‘How isn’t it your fault? You didn’t even question your boss’s orders and were horrible enough to try and kill me! I’m only fourteen, what the fuck have I done to deserve to die?’ I was shaking now and my breathing was ragged and uneven. ‘Why did you try to kill me!? What did I ever do to you?’
‘I was just doing my job.’ Yani said, avoiding my eyes. ‘You don’t understand w-’
‘I don’t understand because you won’t tell me anything!’ I stamped my foot on the ground, barely thinking straight anymore. ‘You stupid fucking bitch! What the f-’
‘Eden, calm down!’ Alexis cried and stepped in front of me. ‘This isn’t helping anything!’
‘She’s the one who’s not helping!’ I snarled and pointed at Yani. ‘That fucking cun-’
‘You’re acting like your dad.’ Alexis said softly and I flinched, her words hitting me like a punch in the stomach.
‘I-what?’ I gaped at her and stepped away, disgust and shame filling me. ‘N-no! Don’t say that! I’m not!’
‘You are.’ She grabbed my hands and squeezed them. ‘You need to calm down. Getting angry never helps anything, you know that.’
I swallowed and pulled my hands out of hers, knowing she was right. Whenever I got angry I acted like dad and it was disgusting, I needed to calm down. I wanted to be a man again but I didn’t want to be that kind of man. But Yani was pissing me off so much! She was so rude and frustrating, constantly saying it wasn’t her fault and barely answering anything. What if she was just lying about being set up and was just trying to cover up her mistake by hiding me from her organization, when they could actually help? She seemed to be so terrified of losing her job that I could imagine her lying to me to protect herself.
But she said coming here could have gotten her fired, so why would she unless it really was to help? Maybe she just wanted to make sure I didn’t go looking for her myself and end up finding the organization, which would get her in trouble. She’d probably come here so I wouldn’t look for her, was sending me to Julia so she’d be able to keep an eye of me. I bet that was it! That made sense! That selfish jerk!
The anger got worse and my throat tightened again, making me gasp slightly. I felt like was on the verge of tears again and took a shaky breath. I needed to calm down. I did not want to cry in front of Yani.
‘Do you have anything else to tell us?’ Alexis asked Yani as I took a shaky breath in an attempt to calm myself down. ‘If not, then…you should probably leave.’
Yani frowned at me for a moment and then looked at Alexis. ‘Yes, that would probably be for the best. One last thing though, you can’t tell anyone that I was here, or what I told you. You mentioned telling your friend Reece about it, but don’t.’
‘What? How else am I supposed to explain this then?’ I gestured angrily at my body.
‘I don’t know.’ Yani shrugged. ‘Maybe tell him you were bitten by a spider or something and you just woke up like this. It’s almost the truth.’
‘No one would believe that!’
‘Then think of something else. Julia should be able to help with that.’
‘B-’
I was cut off by a sharp beeping coming from Yani’s pocket. She blinked and then pulled out a phone from her jacket. ‘Bloody hell! I need to get going.’
‘Wait!’ I ran after her as she went to the door. ‘Please don’t go! I can’t go to school like this!’
‘I’m sorry, but I have to leave.’ she said and looked at me almost pityingly. ‘Look, I know I’m not the nicest person and I understand if you hate me, yeah? But I am trying to help you, whether you believe it or not. Just find Julia, okay? I don’t know if she can turn you back but she’ll make things better. I promise.’
I looked at her in silence, scared that if I opened my mouth again I’d say something disgusting.
‘We’ll talk to Julia.’ Alexis said in my silence and Yani nodded her dark head one last time.
‘Good. Well then…hopefully we never see each other again.’ she said with a crooked smile. ‘I doubt either of us will be that lucky though. Oh! Which reminds me!’ She pulled a small leather pouch out of her jacket and handed it to me. ‘If someone from my organization makes contact with you then use this, yeah?’
I stared at her and then opened the pouch, which had a silver necklace in it. I slowly pulled it out and to my surprise found that it had a small engraved spider at the end, meticulously painted to make it seem almost life-like. The spider was an adorably cute jumping spider, my favourite kind! It had two huge black eyes at the front and a round, squishy-looking grey body at the back, with eight squat legs spreading out between then. The chain was coming out of its butt and made it look like its web, and the other six black eyes were evenly set around the main two. If I hadn’t been in such a bad mood I’d have probably squealed with excitement just at the sight of it. ‘W-what? What’s this?’
‘I bought that on the way here. I think we have some kind of really small connection, because I saw you last night. Only for a second though, but I think you saw me too.’
‘I did.’ I said slowly. ‘How come?’
‘I’m guessing it’s because you absorbed my blood. Julia will know more, but I can’t imagine it’s anything else.’ She gestured at the necklace. ‘Wear that and if you need me then squeeze the spider and think as hard as you can about me. Hopefully I’ll hear you or see you or something, and be able to find my way over and help.’
I stared at her in surprise, guilt defusing the anger from before. She…did want to help me? Oh god! I was an asshole! I’d been so mean to her! ‘I’m sorry! T-thank-you! I love jumping spiders!’
‘I thought you might.’ she said and then actually smiled. It lit up her face, making her seem years younger and the unearthly beauty from before reappeared. ‘And I…like spiders quite a bit, which probably isn’t bloody surprising, considering. When I was looking for something that’d make you think of me I saw this and thought it’d be perfect, so bought it.’
I grabbed her arm and looked up at her, feeling like I was about to cry. ‘I’m really sorry I yelled at you! I w-’
‘Don’t.’ she said and shook her head. ‘Like I said before, I know I’m not the nicest person, and I completely understand why’d you be so upset. But I am honestly trying to help you. You know that, right?’
‘I do.’ I nodded.
‘Good.’ She smiled again. ‘I really do hope Julia can turn you back.’
‘I do too!’ I let go of her arm and stepped back. ‘I hope that uhm…you don’t get fired? Or found out? I don’t know what probation is but I hope you get out of it soon!’
‘Thank-you!’ She nodded and lifted her hand in a wave. ‘I’ll see you around. Or maybe not.’
‘Goodbye.’ I said and she nodded, then turned and walked off down the hallway. Alexis came over and said goodbye too, and we watched as Yani vanished down the hallway and out of sight. When we heard the front door open and close I relaxed slightly, as even though I didn’t think Yani was all that bad of a person after all, she was definitely stressful to be around.
For better or for worse though, something inside me knew that this wasn’t the last time I’d see her.
End of chapter 8!
Thank you for reading! Sorry this chapter was short-ish, but it's primarily all exposition and I didn't want to drag it on too long and make it boring, or uncharacteristic for Yani.
Also I know some of this makes Eden look bad, but...for better or for worse (mainly worse) he is his father's son and he's got some work to do when it comes to controlling his anger and swearing.
Eden's Reality
A small 14 year old boy plans on escaping his abusive father and the house where he grew up in by moving to a boarding school with his two best friends, but on the night before he leaves something unexpected happens, and he wakes up the next day as a girl. The woman who he thinks responsible appears, but she's not as helpful as he'd expected, and he's now left to go to his new school
All feedback is very, very much appreciated :)
Chapter 9
I looked down at the spider necklace in my hands and wondered how I was going to keep it on my person while at school. Boys weren’t allowed to wear any form of jewellery and I didn’t want to keep it in one of my pockets, not something as important as this. Even if I couldn’t use it to contact Yani I still wanted to keep it safe. It looked expensive, and besides that, it was super cute! I wasn’t likely to wear it because, well…it was a necklace and a very feminine one at that, but it’d be nice to have it around anyway!
‘Can I see that?’ Alexis asked and I nodded, handing it to her. She looked at it with narrowed eyes for a moment before smiling. ‘It’s quite cute, isn’t it?’
‘It is! I…do you think that Yani…she was…’ I scratched the back of my head, trying to figure out what I was trying to say.
‘She was kind of a dick.’ Alexis finished for me and I giggled, not used to her being so crude. ‘But I think she was telling the truth, and…even if she wasn’t, we’re going to Sanders anyway so we might as well talk to Julia.’
I clutched at the sides of my shirt. ‘Do you think that I was too mean to her? I called her a stupid…a stupid…person.’
I flushed, unable to even swear now that I wasn’t angry. It was scary how much I changed when I got mad, and even scarier when I thought about how much I resembled dad in those moments. I really wish Alexis hadn’t of pointed that out…
She patted me gently on the shoulder and smiled. ‘Don’t worry about it. You were just upset and didn’t mean what you said. She understood. I doubt she’d have given you this necklace if you pissed her off.’
‘That’s true.’ I said and took the necklace back off of her, wrapping it around my arm to keep it safe for the moment.
‘How are you feeling now?’ she asked. ‘You don’t seem to be upset anymore.’
‘I’m not!’ I said and shook my head for emphasis. ‘I know why I’m like this now, kind of, and I know what I have to do to be a boy again!’
‘Yani said she wasn’t sure if Julia co-’
‘She has to be able to!’ I cut in. ‘If I was turned into a girl then I have to be able to be turned back into a boy! It’s like, like…if a cute kitten gets muddy then you can wash it and it’ll be fluffy and huggable again!’
Alexis stared silently at me for a moment. ‘Are you saying that you being turned into a girl is like a kitten getting muddy?’
I blushed. ‘It…sounded better in my head…’
‘It probably should have stayed in there then.’ Alexis said and then laughed in delight. ‘You’re a muddy little kitten!’
‘Meow!’ I beamed, putting my hands on the sides of my heads and flapping them like cat ears. ‘I’m a clean kitten, not a muddy one!’
Alexis stared at me with wide eyes for a moment before blushing and clapping her hands together. ‘Oh my god! That was so cute!’
‘Mew!’ I giggled and continued flapping my hands. ‘Mrow! Meow! Nyaa! Ny-ah!’
I squeaked in surprise as Alexis swept me up into a tight hug. The change in my size was abruptly hammered into me, as I just barely came up to her chest and her waist was almost as wide as my shoulders. My breasts hurt as well, squashed up against her stomach, and I tried to pull away but her hands wrapped around my back and held me there. She looked down at me through a blanket of falling black hair, her expression unreadable. ‘Eden…’
‘What?’ I asked awkwardly when she didn’t continue. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Are you sure you want to be a boy?’ she asked after a while and I gaped at her.
‘What! Yes! Why would you even ask me that?’ I demanded and slipped out of her grasp. ‘I don’t want to be a girl!’
‘You used to though…’ she said softly and my stomach clenched. ‘Do you remem-’
‘I remember!’ I snapped and took a step away from her, out into the middle of the hallway. ‘But that was years ago, I don’t want to anymore!’
‘Are you sure?’ she walked forward and I backed away again.
‘Yes!’ I scratched my arm shakily and looked up at her. ‘Why are you asking me this? You’ve never brought it up before!’
‘I…seeing you like this…’ she trailed off and rubbed her face with both her hands, then let out a heavy sigh. ‘I know you won’t like me saying this, but I’ve always kind of seen you as a girl. You love cute things and you’re really excitable and playful and really girly and…just, you’re like Nyoko! Except that you’re not Nyoko, you’re fourteen and my best friend and…I feel so comfortable around you and…shit! Look at you Eden! You look right!’
‘I don’t understand what you’re saying.’ I said, very uncomfortable now.
‘You look like you act, you know? Like a cute girl. But you’re more than cute, you’re…beautiful. Really beautiful, like your mum.’
‘I don’t want to look like this!’
Alexis actually looked surprised. ‘Why not? Do you know how many girls would kill to look like you do right now?’
‘I don’t care! I’m not a girl!’ I was annoyed I even had to be saying this to her! ‘I don’t want this! I hate looking like this!’
‘Why?’ she asked quietly. ‘Because of Jon did to you?’
I flinched and jerked backwards, slamming into Nyoko’s bedroom door. ‘Wh-don’t!’
‘I…I know we’ve never talked about what he did to you, but my parents told me what happened. How he kept…dressing you up and...’ she swallowed and looked sadly at me. ‘If you’re scared of someone else hurting you because you’re a girl then I can protect you, Eden. I c-’
‘We’re not talking about this.’ I said shakily. ‘Please, Alexis.’
‘Eden, w-’
‘Shut up!’ I screamed and shoved my hands into her, attempting to push her away. She didn’t budge but it made me feel better, at least. ‘You’re being weird! We never talk about this stuff! Stop it! I don’t like this Alexis!’
She stared at me in shock and then shame flooded her face. ‘Oh my god! I’m so sorry Eden! I didn’t mean to upset you, I was trying to help!’
‘Help? How!?’
‘W-well, because heaps of people would kill to be in your position! Like, transsexuals and stuff, boys who want to be girls. Th-’
‘I don’t care!’ I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. The fear from before was digging into the edges of my mind and my legs were shaking badly enough to make it hard to stand upright. ‘I…I did want to be a girl but not anymore! I don’t feel safe like this! I couldn’t protect myself before and there’s no way I can now, and Jon…people like him will hurt me! J-J-you don’t understand!’ I grabbed her arms to keep me stable and looked up at her, tears leaking from my eyes. ‘I only ever felt safe before because Jon was gone! He was the only person who wanted to…to do those things to me when I was a boy, but now that I’m a girl heaps of other people will, and I won’t be able to stop them!’
‘The world isn’t full of people like Jon, Eden.’ Alexis said gently. ‘There are some people like him, but I can protect you from them. So can Reece, and your mum and-’
It’s your fault. You did this to me!
‘You can’t protect me from myself.’ I cut in harshly.
‘What do you mean?’
I shook my head and pulled away from her, wiping the tears from my eyes. ‘I’d rather die than stay like this. Being dead is better than what Jon did to me, what people like him will do to me! I’m not staying like this!’
‘Eden…’
‘I’m not talking about this anymore!’ I snapped and padded down the hallway. ‘I’m going to have breakfast!’
‘Oh. I can heat up your mums roast chicken if you want.’
‘No! I want to be alone for a bit!’ I heard her walking after me and spun around. ‘I said I want to be alone!’
She stopped and stared at me with a pained expression. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes!’
‘O-okay then. I’ll go and find some clothes for you to wear to Sanders then.’
‘Thanks.’ I muttered and turned away, trying to ignore the hurt look on her face. I’d never made her look like that before.
God damn it!
I really was an asshole, wasn’t I?
I wasn’t hungry in the slightest, so when I reached the kitchen I just sat down on one of the wooden stools in front of the bench and slumped over. The kitchen was large and neat, with a long grey bench curving around in a loose “L” shape and a walk-in pantry that was always fully stocked, unlike my own. There was a large window above the sink that looked out into the green backyard and sunlight was flooding through it, lighting up the area and letting me know that today was going to be unpleasantly hot. The silver fridge was gently humming across from me and I could smell the soapy scent of freshly-cleaned dishes emanating from the dishwasher, mixed in with the gentle aroma of freshly-cut grass.
It was unbelievably relaxing and I found myself calming down after a few seconds, the fear and anger slowly ebbing out of me. As much as I wished Alexis hadn’t brought up me wanting to be a girl, I guess I couldn’t blame her. Our whole relationship back in kindergarten had been based around me dressing in her clothes and us pretending to be sisters, and I knew that I acted more like a girl than a boy. But if she knew what Jon had done to me then she’d have to know that there was no way I wanted to be a girl anymore! Wouldn’t she? He’d forced me to dress as a girl, like his daughter, for years…constantly f…
I groaned and sat up, resting my head in my hands. I didn’t need to be thinking about that right now. Alexis couldn’t know all the details of what he’d done to me so there was no reason to get angry at her. I should talk to her about it one day, so she didn’t get any wrong ideas. Mum did seem to think that it might be helpful, talking to someone about what happened.
That wasn’t going to happen any time soon though. I needed to put it out of my head and focus on today, on avoiding Reece and Alexis’s parents and finding Julia. She was going to turn me into a boy and everything was going to be okay. In a years’ time I’d probably forget this had even happened and it’d just be a fuzzy, weird memory along with everything else.
I looked at the microwave clock and saw that it was nearly eleven thirty, half an hour until mum said she’d call. What the hell was I supposed to say to her now? I was more dreading going to Sanders than looking forward to it, and I was honestly relieved that I didn’t have to see her today. I was going to have to pretend that everything was fine and deepen my voice somehow so she couldn’t tell it was different. Maybe I could pretend I was tired, or sick, and wasn’t able to talk for very long. Ugh. I didn’t want to lie to her! But I had to, there was no way she’d believe me if I told her the truth. And she might tell dad, which would end really badly for both of us.
The suns warmth was making me drowsy and I slumped down again, wishing I could go back to bed. I felt like I’d been awake for hours, not just one. What a horrible morning it’d been…
‘Eden?’
I started awake as someone tapped me on the arm, not even realising that I’d fallen asleep. Alexis was standing on the other side of the bench with a can of coke in her hands.
‘Oh…I fell asleep…’ I murmured and rubbed my eyes.
‘Yeah, you did.’ She smiled. ‘I was going to let you rest until you woke up, but it’s nearly twelve s-’
‘Oh god!’ I gasped and carefully slipped off the stool. My body was just small enough now to make the distance from the stool to the ground not as easy to traverse as it’d used to be. ‘Mum’s going to call soon!’
‘That’s why I woke you.’ Alexis said, putting the coke down and coming around the bench. She looked down at me for a moment before blushing and awkwardly putting her hair behind her ears. ‘I’m really sorry about before! I didn’t mean to upset you, I knew I shouldn’t have brought up you wanting to be a girl and what Jon had done but…I don’t know. I was in a weird mood. I wasn’t thinking properly.’
‘It’s okay.’ I said uncomfortably. ‘I’m sorry too, I was really mean…’
‘No, you weren’t. I was the one who was out of line.’ She said and gently grabbed my upper arm. ‘Are we okay?’
‘Yeah!’ I beamed as she squeezed my hands. It felt so nice when she did that! ‘We’re okay! You were just trying to help me!’
‘I…I don’t know if I was…’ she said awkwardly and put her hands on my shoulders.
I blinked. ‘What?’
‘Eden, I think I need to tell y-’
She was cut off by the phone next to the fridge, which abruptly started ringing. I gasped and ran over to it, but just as I was about to answer I abruptly remembered that this wasn’t my home. I looked at Alexis, who nodded, and I smiled gratefully.
‘Thankyou!’ I grabbed the phone and tried my best to deepen my voice. ‘Mum! Hi!’
There was a pause on the line and then a horrible voice spoke. ‘Hello Eden.’
‘D-dad!?’ The last of the warmth inside of me immediately died, and an unpleasant iciness grew in its place. With all that had happened today I’d barely even thought about last night, but hearing dad’s voice brought it all back to me in painfully vivid detail. ‘What do you want? Where’s mum!?’
‘She’s resting.’ His voice was flat and emotionless. ‘She’s not feeling too well at the moment and I didn’t want to wake her just to call you.’
‘She said she’d call me though!’
‘I know. Which is why I’m calling you now, in her place.’
‘I don’t want to talk to you!’
‘Eden.’ he said in a pained voice. ‘I’m sorry about last night. I’d had a bit too much to drink and wasn’t thinking clearly. I already-’
‘Shut up!’ I slammed the phone onto the receiver, unable to handle hearing his voice anymore. I couldn’t get the image of mum’s face covered in blood out of my head and anger was pulsating through my head. Dad usually didn’t come back home for a couple of days after an incident like last night, and Mum had told me he was staying with friends or something! What was he doing home now?
‘That was your dad?’ Alexis asked from behind me and I nodded. ‘What did he want?’
‘I don’t know.’ I said shakily and picked up the phone. ‘I’m going t-’
The phone started ringing again and I almost answered it, but it had to be dad again, probably furious that I’d hung up on him. I hung it up again and then quickly dialed mum’s mobile.
‘What’s going on?’ Alexis asked nervously.
‘I’m calling mum.’ I said just as the call was answered. ‘Mum?’
‘Eden?’ Mum’s tired voice answered and I leant against the fridge in relief.
‘Mum! You’re okay!’
‘Of course I am! What’s wrong? Is everything okay?’
‘No! Dad called me!’ I cried. ‘He said you weren’t feeling well!’
‘Oh. No, I’m still a bit sore from yesterday.’ She said and I heard her rubbing her forehead. ‘My head is killing me and…yeah.’
‘Has he hurt you again?’ I asked fearfully and she didn’t answer for a worrying amount of time.
‘No. Everything’s fine, Eden. Don’t worry about me.’
‘B-’
‘Is that him!?’ my dad’s voice shouted from the other end of the line. ‘Are you talking to him?’
‘He called me.’ Mum said patiently.
‘He fucking hung up on me, the little cunt! Twice!’
‘Can you blame him?’
‘I’m his father! He should show me some fucking respect!’
‘Mum!’ I said and she muttered something I didn’t hear. ‘Mum?’
‘Eden, now’s not a good time to talk.’ She said after dad said something I couldn’t hear. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Are you going to be okay?’
‘I’ll be fine. I told you not to worry about me.’
‘But I made dad angry! He’s going to hurt you, isn’t he?’
‘Eden! Stop worrying.’ Mum said loudly and I heard dad say something again. ‘Look, I have to go but everything’s fine. You need to be focusing on Sanders now, not me.’
‘Are you still going to come on Friday?’
‘Yes. That’s a promise that I’m going to keep.’ She said confidently.
‘Can I call you again?’
‘…maybe not until I see you on Friday.’ She said heavily.
‘Why not?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘Why?’ I asked and she didn’t answer. ‘Is dad still going to move out? With his friends? Why is he even there?’
‘Eden, I have to go. I’ll talk to you on Friday, okay?’ mum said sadly. ‘I really hope everything at Sanders goes well.’
‘It’s going to be horrible! Everything’s horrible!’ I cried.
‘Don’t say that! It’ll be fi-’
‘Hurry up! You need to be resting!’ Dad said loud enough for me to hear him.
‘Okay! Fuck!’ mum growled and then softened her voice. ‘You’re going to have a great day today, Eden. And a great week. Trust me. Sanders is going to be great for you.’
‘Mum…’
‘See you on Friday!’
‘Bu-I-okay…’
‘I love you.’ She said and then hung up. I looked down at the phone for a moment and then dropped it onto the bench, feeling empty. I wasn’t an idiot. Something was wrong with mum, but…I couldn’t do anything about it and I’d just made things worse by calling her! I’d pissed off dad and he was definitely going to take it out on mum. It was my fault, again! Fuck! Why did I always make things worse?
‘What’s going on?’ Alexis asked and I almost screamed, having completely forgotten that she was there. ‘Is your mum okay?’
‘I don’t know.’ I tugged on the shirt and looked up at her. ‘When you see your parents today can you ask them to check on mum? Tonight?’
‘I can call dad about it right now if you want.’
‘Ah! Yes! Please do that!’
‘I’ll go get my phone. I think I left it on the pool table last night.’ She began walking off but stopped to turn around ‘Oh! You need to get changed! We have to leave for Sanders in about an hour!’
‘That soon?’ I looked down at the shirt and uneasiness washed over me. I really did want to put something else on, but I didn’t like the prospect of undressing and wearing new clothes. Not with this body…
‘Yeah. I picked out a bunch of stuff for you to look through, so you should be able to find something that works. They’re on my bed!’ she said and disappeared into the living room, seeming to be in a hurry. Did we really need to get moving soon?
Crap. I’d been all ready to storm off to Sanders and find Julia an hour ago, but now that I’d calmed down I wasn’t so eager to leave the safety of Alexis’s home. Especially after speaking to mum. That had made me feel even worse, not better like it should have.
I needed to take her advice though. Focus on Sanders! If mum was in trouble then Alexis’s parents would be able to help her. And I’d see her on Friday so everything was going to be fine!
I’d be back to being a boy by then too!
Everything was going to be fine.
End of Chapter 9
Thankyou for reading!
This chapter...I'm not too sure about it. A lot of things were cut and it doesn't feel right, I don't know. But it's a stepping stone to more interesting things so it's all good ^_^ And when i finally finish this story I'll go back and smooth everything out to my liking as well
Eden's Reality
Eden is now a girl, and learns it has more of an impact on herself and her best friend than first expected.
This chapter gets pretty heavy at the end, but the following few chapters won't be as heavy. This is the last chapter before the story finally gets on rolling to Sanders!
Sorry it took so long ^.^'
(Note, I edited the end a little bit to make it less abrupt, and not as final. Just a few extra lines, just to make me satisfied. If you read it before and thought it was fine then don't worry about it ^.^ It was just to satisfy my anxieties. I hate feeling like I left something unfinished or incorrect.)
Oh, and I changed the title format a bit. All of the chapters have names (meow!) but because I originally uploaded 2 at a time I didn't want to make it messy and decided to just leave them out, but this chapter signals the end of the first part of the story (things that take place before going to Sanders) and those chapters will most likely be named as well. So I guess, I'm just adding the name and seeing how it goes :)
Chapter 10 : Clothing, kissing and cruelty
Alexis had picked out quite few clothes for me to go through, far more than I’d expected, and they were all arranged neatly on her bed. She’d put the seal plushy on the pile of shirts and I smiled when I saw it, gave it a quick hug and then placed it on the other side of the bed. It really was cute! I wished I had something like it at home, but dad had banned me from having cute soft toys when he’d found out I’d been dressing as a girl back in kindergarten. He apparently thought that they were having a negative impact on my masculinity and had decided that it was better if I had nothing to do with them.
The asshole.
I looked through the shirts Alexis had chosen and was relieved to see that they were all fairly boyish. There were plain-coloured shirts mixed in with a few flashier ones, but after searching through them for a while I picked out a slim white one that had no real defining features. It was actually blander than the shirts I normally wore, which usually had some kind of cute animal on them, but that was for the best. I was trying to look like a normal boy and as much as I didn’t like admitting it male Eden hadn’t exactly been the picture of masculinity. I tended to unintentionally draw attention to myself with my wild hair, androgynous appearance, cute shirts and feminine mannerisms. Right now I needed to act the opposite of how I normally did so I’d be able to make people think I was a boy.
I was…uncomfortably aware of what that said about me but I didn’t want to think about that right now, so I put the shirt next to the seal and looked over the remaining clothes.
There wasn’t much variety in the pants Alexis’ had chosen, but there was a pair of neat black pants that immediately caught my eye. They were similar to the ones I wore for P.E. lessons at school, made out of soft, slightly thick merino wool, but these were shaped differently. They curved in at the thighs, were wider in the hips and flared out around the ankle instead of just going down in a straight line like my boys ones did. They felt really comfortable so I put them next to the shirt I’d chosen and then looked at the rest of the clothes.
Which was all underwear. A couple of plain-coloured briefs and some bras, with socks scattered amongst them.
I looked at them for a second before spinning around, my face burning. There was no way I was going to wear girls underwear, or a bra! I didn’t care that my body was female now, I was not putting those things on. What had Alexis even been thinking! Had she…oh.
I look down at my chest and winced slightly. My little chest lumps were visible even through the loose fabric, so they’d definitely be visible through the tighter shirt. Did I need to wear a bra to hide them? I looked back at the ones Alexis had chosen and saw that there were two plain sports bras there, and they looked like they’d be tight enough to make my chest appear flatter than it was. I carefully picked up one of them, a thick black one, and held it to my chest.
And then threw it across the room as a horrible memory floated up from the depths of my mind. A memory of when Jon had made me wear his daughter’s bra, telling me that I had to wear it so I’d look more like a real girl. He’d been almost desperate to make me look as much like Miranda as possible…
I shivered violently and quickly grabbed the pants I’d chosen, unable to stand being so exposed anymore. They fit almost perfectly, hugging my thighs and hips, and made me unpleasantly aware of my new anatomy. I took a few cautious steps and winced as the seam dug into my groin and scratched against the surrounding area. It was a horrible feeling and I was abruptly aware of why Alexis had picked out some briefs for me to wear.
Well, whatever. I could deal with the discomfort, and if it was causing damage to the area then too bad. I’d have my proper set of genitalia back tomorrow and none of this would matter.
I slowly slipped off the shirt and let it drop to the ground, a sigh escaping my lips. It felt so good to finally be out of it and wearing pants again. They weren’t the kind of pants a boy would normally wear but they’d draw less attention than the now-oversized jeans I’d been wearing before. At least these ones actually fit, even if they were way too snug.
After a moment’s hesitation I turned and looked at myself in the mirror. The pants did look good, much better than I thought they would. I really liked how they widened as they went past my knees, and even though I didn’t like having wider hips I loved how the pants went half-way up them and curved downwards. Kind of like an elongated hour-glass. It especially looked good sideways, and I noticed that my back seemed to be more curved than before, and my butt was maybe slightly bigger.
I just looked at myself for a while, trying to get used to my appearance. Was it really possible for me to pass as a boy like this? Even if I did manage to hide my breasts, my face undeniably female. I’d seen boys who looked like girls before, I used to be one of them, but this went beyond that. If I looked younger I might have been able to pull it off but my face was older now, more in line with my actual age, and it was on the way to maturity. My features were soft but too well-defined, making them almost impossible to mask. I couldn’t do anything about the shape of my lips, the height of my cheekbones, the size of my eyes or the length of my eyelashes, nor could I really change my complexion. Maybe I could find a big hat to wear and just hunch down all day. That was certainly doable, and wouldn’t require any drastic changes like cutting my hair or something.
I doubted that shaving my head would even help as it’d just draw more attention to my facial structure, and I wasn’t sure that it’d grow back once I turned back into a boy. That was one of the last things I wanted, being bald and having my birth mark shown to the world. Maybe when I turned back it’d stay like it was now, small and thin enough to not really be a problem. As a boy it looked like I’d been punched in the face by an angry can of paint, but now it just looked like someone had swiped me with a thin paintbrush.
I pushed away the tendrils of hair covering the mark and was about to start messing around with different hairstyles when I noticed the scars on my wrists. Why were they even still here? Same as with the ones on my side and thighs. The wounds I’d gotten last night had healed within a couple of hours but these were the same as ever. They were even worse actually, due to my complexion being so pale. The scars were a deep, ugly pink and were easily visible amongst the sea of milk-white skin surrounding them. Why had my birthmark changed but these hadn’t?
And actually! Why the hell did I even have breasts for that matter? Didn’t girls only get them when they started puberty? I definitely hadn’t started puberty before I’d changed, I was sure of that. The only thing that’d changed with my male body over the past couple of years were the small muscles that’d developed around my arms and back. I had been starting to grow an Adams apple but it’d been tiny and hadn’t really grown or altered my voice. Maybe it had been a sign of starting puberty, but it’d only appeared a few months ago and these breasts looked like they’d been growing for like a year.
I…think. I actually had no real idea, now that I thought about it. My old school hadn’t taught Sex Ed and I’d nev-
‘You decent?’ Alexis’s voice came from the hallway and I gasped. She’d finished calling her dad!
‘Yes! What did he say?’ I asked eagerly as she came into the room. ‘Can he che-’
‘Oh my god! Eden!’ She stared at me with wide eyes and turned bright red. ‘You’re half naked!’
‘Ah!’ I blushed and spun around, throwing my hands over my chest. ‘Sorry! I forgot!’
I heard her laugh and sit down on the bed. ‘Did you find a shirt to wear?’
‘I did!’ I turned my head to look back at her. ‘But what did your dad say? Can he check on mum tonight?’
‘Yes! He and mum are going to drop by your place on their way home.’ Alexis said as she rustled through the clothes. ‘They’re going to have dinner with her and your dad so I think it should be okay. Your dad isn’t stupid enough to hurt your mum around them.’
‘No, he isn’t.’ I let out a relieved sight and turned around, making sure my hands were completely covering my chest. ‘Thankyou so much for calling him!’
‘No problem.’ She said with a smile, her eyes dropping to look at my chest. ‘Hey…so…I picked out some bras for you to wear b-’
‘I’m not wearing a bra.’ I said immediately and she smirked.
‘Yeah, I thought you’d say that.’ she looked down at the small pile of bras and began to go through them. ‘It’s the only way I can think of to hide your breasts though. Just try on one the sports ones and see how it looks. It won’t be as bad as you think, I promise.’
‘Can’t I just wear a jacket or something really baggy like that?’ I asked hopefully but she shook her head.
‘Today’s going to be really hot, in the mid-thirties, and you’d draw a heap of attention to yourself wearing something so warm on a day like this. Plus, you might collapse from heatstroke or something.’
I scowled and almost crossed my arms before remembering they needed to stay in place. ‘What if I wore a heap of shirts then? Like five or…no, that’d look stupid wouldn’t it! And it’d really too hot. What about tape then? Like mas-’
‘Eden.’ Alexis cut in, walking over to me with a sports bra in her hand. It was a small cream-coloured one that was featureless beyond a white logo on one of the undone straps. ‘Please just try this on. For me.’
I blinked. ‘For you?’
‘Yes.’ She looked embarrassed but didn’t turn away, her ocean-blue eyes locked with mine. ‘Wear it for me.’
‘Uhm…okay.’ I’d never seen her like this before and after a moment’s hesitation I took the bra from her, covering both of my breasts with one arm. I wasn’t sure why she cared so much about me wearing it but I might as well. I still felt bad about snapping at her before and she’d just called her dad for me, so I owed her.
I turned around and looked uncomfortably at the bra for a moment before slipping my hands through its straps and letting it fall against my chest. I grouped around my back to try and clip the back straps together but I couldn’t managed to, and after a couple of seconds Alexis’s hand tapped my back.
‘Here.’ She grabbed the back straps and began pulling them together. I squirmed around uncomfortable and she stopped. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes.’ I breathed, completely and utterly embarrassed. I felt like a little girl with her mum, trying on her first bra. But I a fourteen year old boy and Alexis was my best friend! This was so messed up! ‘Just hurry!’
‘Okay. Tell me if this is too tight.’ She pulled the straps tighter and I gasped but didn’t say anything, so she pulled them further and then finally clipped them closed. It was digging into my skin and was a bit too tight, but when I looked down at my chest I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. My chest was almost completely flat! The shape of my breasts could be seen through the cream material but they were flatter and didn’t poke out as much. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but it had worked!
‘Look!’ I beamed and turned to face Alexis, putting my hands on my hips. I felt so much better without those things sticking out of my chest! ‘I’m flat!’
‘You are.’ She smiled warmly and pattered me on the head. ‘How does it feel?’
‘It’s…it’s okay.’ I scratched the back of my head. ‘It feels strange but it’s not as embarrassing as I thought. It’s heaps better than having my chest stick out! I really like it!’ I looked at my reflection in the mirror and grinned again. ‘I look really cool, don’t I? With these pants and bra. Like I’m really fit and strong! I’ve seen girls dress like this when they work out and they’ve all looked really cool! I wish the bra was black though, this one is too…creamy. The black one would have looked heaps better.’
Alexis put her hands on the straps going over my shoulders and began adjusting them so they’d fit better. ‘I think you look more cute than cool.’
I puffed up unhappily. ‘Don’t say that! I need to look cool otherwise people will think that I’m a girl!’
‘So you’re going to just wear that to Sanders then?’
‘What! No!’ I frowned up at her smirking face. ‘I’m going to wear a shirt too, obviously. And socks and shoes! And I was thinking I could wear a big hat to hide my face with!’
‘That’s a good idea.’ Alexis nodded approvingly and I beamed at her.
‘I’m going to look like a super clean kitten again!’
She laughed loudly and patted me on the head. ‘Yes! Good kitten!’
My eyes widened excitedly and I put my hands on either side of my head again, then began flapping them about. ‘Meow! I’m a clean kitty!’
‘Ahh…’ Alexis looked at me warily. ‘Don’t do that again.’
‘Why not?’ I grinned and began pouncing about the room. I was feeling so much better now that I was wearing proper clothes, especially because of how good they made me look. I didn’t think I’d like the bra as much as I did but its tightness was strangely comforting and I was starting to feel like my old self again, like I had before dad had come home yesterday.
‘Eden…’ Alexis said slowly as I bounced into her side and grabbed her arm with a loud meow. ‘Calm down.’
I hissed and stared at her with wide eyes, then lifted her hand to my mouth.
‘Don’t you dare!’ she cried, but it was too late!
I chomped down on her arm and giggled excitedly as she tried to pull it free. She squeezed my side with her free hand and I squealed in laughter, allowing her to extract the trapped hand and grab me by both sides. I gasped and tried to escape but she picked me up and spun me around, then deposited me onto the edge of her bed. I hadn’t expected that and scrambled further onto the bed as she climbed onto it as well, accidentally knocking off some of the clothes. She pounced and pinned me to the bed by the shoulders, then leant down so her head was directly above mine. Her hair fell onto the sides of my face and I tried to push her off but wasn’t even close to strong enough.
‘I warned you.’ she said with a crooked smile. ‘And now…now…I’m…I…’
She trailed off and just looked at me, a strange expression on her face. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes shone with a strange hunger that I’d never seen before. I waited in anticipation, expecting her to tickle me and bite my hand or something, but to my confusion she didn’t move at all.
‘Alexis? Are you okay?’ I asked after a few seconds of silence slowly passed.
She looked at me for a moment and an almost pained expression crossed her face. ‘Fuck.’
‘What’s wro…ng…’
My voice died as Alexis leant down even closer, so much so that I could feel her breath on my lips. I became intensely aware of her weight on my waist and the warmth emanating off of her face. She was so much bigger than me…
My heart began to beat faster and a pulsating warmth appeared in my stomach, making my feel slightly light-headed. Butterflies appeared inside me as well, bringing with them the sweeping wave of affection for Alexis that I’d experience last night.
I…
I think I knew what it meant now…
‘I’d never hurt you, Eden.’ Alexis said, gently grabbing the sides of my face. ‘You know that, right?’
‘I-I do.’ I said breathlessly.
‘Then you trust me?’ she asked as she caressed my cheeks.
‘I do.’ I repeated slowly, my eyes wide with anticipation.
She smiled so brightly that my heart jumped, and she leant down even closer. ‘I love you Eden.’
And then she kissed me.
I’d been kissed before. By Jon. And when her lips first touched mine a streak of terror shot through me and I grabbed her shoulders, intending on shoving her away. But the panic immediately dissipated when I remembered that this was Alexis, not Jon. Her lips were softer than his were, and she was kissing me far more gently than he ever had. Most of the time he’d be holding me against a wall with a hand to my throat as I tried to get him off of me, and his other hand would be…doing other things…
This was far less painful.
Her lips pushed up against mine and I let out a surprised breath. She smiled at me and then I felt her tongue slip into my mouth and touch my own, sending a massive surge of pleasure through my entire body. I moaned and squeezed her shoulders as hard as I could, and she lent down on top of me. Another sure of pleasure ran through me as her breasts squashed up against my own, a form of pleasure I hadn’t even thought possible. A strange, high-pitched sound escaped my lips but Alexis didn’t let up kissing me, and I didn’t fight her. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to be doing so I just clutched at her sides, letting her control what was going on.
I hadn’t ever expected to enjoy something like this after what Jon had done to me, but the feelings coming from my body were completely different from when he’d done this to me. Was it because I was a girl now, or because I was doing it with Alexis?
I’d thought what Jon had done to me was normal, despite it being forced. Mum and dad were always fight and screaming but they still had sex, and it was probably like what Jon did to me. I thought it was how sex was, that it was supposed to hurt and never feel good for…for girls…
Because I was a girl all the time when Jon…hurt me…
And mum was a girl too and dad always hurt her so…so…
I thought there was something wrong with me, that it was my fault because it hurt so badly, and was so terrifying.
But…
But…there wasn’t anything wrong with me! It was violent and painful and terrifying with Jon, and that wasn’t normal! This was normal, wasn’t it! Doing it with someone…
Someone I loved…
‘Oh god!’ Alexis pulled away as hot tears burned my eyes. ‘I’m so sorry! I didn-’
‘He hurt me.’ I wiped my eyes and pushed myself up, still holding on to her sides. ‘I used to say that because it was easier than saying that he raped me but…but it was true! He did hurt me! We didn’t...this isn’t…he raped me! He raped me!’
Alexi’s eyes widened in horror and she hugged me to her chest. ‘Oh, Eden…’
‘It wasn’t my fault.’ I hiccupped and buried my head into her. ‘I didn’t like it and I didn’t want it. It wasn’t my fault!’
‘Of course it wasn’t!’ she said, stroking the back of my head.
‘Dad said it was my fault, that I seduced Jon and that I liked it, but just pretended not to so I wouldn’t get in trouble!’ I squeezed myself harder against Alexis, shaking badly. ‘And Jon always said that I was lying and that I l-loved it, and that if I ever told someone then they’d think I was lying or a pervert! And I…’
‘You’re not a pervert.’ Alexis said shakily, hugging me tighter.
‘But I liked looking like a girl though!’ I whimpered as pain clenched inside my stomach and chest. ‘Jon would always bring Miranda’s clothes with him to dress me up and…and I liked it! I loved looking like a girl and wearing girl’s clothes! Sometimes I even…I even looked forward to it! To him coming, just so I could dress up! I wanted to…I just wanted to be a girl! Like you and mum! I just…I just…I just wanted to be happy…’
I broke down and just sobbed into Alexis, and to my shame I could hear her crying as well. I’d never told anyone what I’d just told Alexis and, even though I was sobbing uncontrollably, something in my chest lightened slightly.
It…it was my fault that Jon had raped me. But, because I wanted to be a girl, not because I wanted to have sex with him. Those two things were separate now, finally, in my head. Everything Jon and dad had said were lies.
It still hurt, so much, but…
Here, in Alexis’s arms…
I could live with it.
It was okay…for the moment.
To be continued!
Eden's Reality
Synopsis: Eden meets her Grandmother.
NOTE: This chapter's end has been re-written, removing the entire "zzt' section.
Sorry for the edit >.<
Chapter 11
I snuggled into Alexis for almost ten minutes, too numb from crying to really have anything of substance to say. That was fine though, as the silence was so comforting that I almost couldn’t believe it. I’d opened up to her, not completely, but enough to crack open the doors inside of my heart and let some of her light inside. And it felt so, so good…
Alexis didn’t say anything either, just held me and rubbed my back every now and then. I hoped this was as comforting for her as it was for me, but I wasn’t so sure. She’d kissed me and had probably wanted to continue, but I’d ruined it by bursting into tears and telling her about the worst experience of my life. I can’t imagine it had been very pleasant for her, now that I thought about it.
‘Alexis…’ I said and looked up at her. She smiled and looked down at me, wiping away the last of my tears.
‘Hi.’ She rubbed the top of my head and I returned her smile. ‘We need to leave in about five minutes so we should get going.’
I nodded and slowly let go of her waist. ‘I have to finish getting dressed.’
‘I’ll go find a hat for you. And some shoes.’ She let go of me as well and went to stand up, but dropped back down with a blush. ‘Are we…okay? I hope it wasn’t too weird that I kissed you.’
‘No, it was nice!’ I said quickly, grabbing the white shirt that I’d picked out from before. ‘I liked it. Did you?’
‘I did.’ She nodded slowly, her eyes shining.
I blushed and hugged the shirt to my chest. ‘You…you said that you loved me…’
‘I did, and I do.’ She smiled, but seemed a bit embarrassed. ‘I wasn’t sure if I did or not for so long, but when you told me you loved me last night it made me so happy, happier than I think I’d ever been, and I knew…I knew right then that I loved you. I didn’t expect it, I’ve never been attracted to a boy before but I couldn’t deny how I felt. I think…’ She swallowed and caressed the side of my face, sending a warm thrill through me. ‘I think you’ve always been a girl, on the inside, and that’s why I was able to fall in love with you. And now that you’re a girl I couldn’t hold myself back, I had to do something so…I did.’
She turned even redder and I digested what she’d said for a moment. Then blinked.
‘Wait. Does that mean you’re a lesbian?’
‘Yes.’ she said after a moment. ‘I never brought it up because it didn’t seem all that important to our relationship, but maybe I should have, I don’t know. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be sorry! I don’t mind.’
‘I didn’t think you would.’ She beamed and then kissed me on the forehead, making me giggle and blush. Her lips were so soft and wet, like a puppy’s nose. ‘Can I ask…do you love me?’
‘Of course I love you!’ I gasped. ‘You know that.’
‘I know, but I meant in a…non-sisterly way.’ She waved her hands about. ‘You know?’
I thought about that for a moment. ‘I really liked you kissing me. It made me really warm and happy and…and excited somehow. And I like touching your body and feeling it against mine too! Is that, you know? Sex love?’
Alexis stared at me and then exploded into laughter ‘Sex love? What the hell is that?’
‘Wh-what!’ my face burned at she continued to laugh uproariously. ‘Isn’t that what you were talking about?’
‘Yeah, but don’t call it sex love!’ She shivered through her laughter. ‘That sounds so creepy.’
‘What else am I supposed to call it then?’
‘I don’t know. How about physical attraction? Sexual attraction. Romantically interested? Intima-’
‘Ah! Why didn’t you just say those things then instead of saying “you know”?’ I snapped. ‘You confused me and made me think of weird things!’
‘I did not make you think of sex love.’ Alexis laughed one last time and let out an amused breath. ‘Jesus. Sex love. You’re one odd little kitten, Eden.’
I brightened up immediately and place my hands on my head. ‘Meow!’
‘Mmmm. Meow.’ She purred and kissed me on the forehead again. She looked like she was going to kiss me on the lips again but to my disappointment she shook herself and jumped off the bed. ‘We can’t get distracted, we need to hurry.’
‘Do we have to leave so soon?’ I asked, regretfully getting off of the bed as well. ‘I was only going to Sanders so early to meet Reece at the entrance, but I can’t do that anymore. He’s going to be with his parents and I can’t let them see me like this.’
‘I know, but I was thinking if we got there that early we might be able to find Julia and speak to her before things get too busy.’ Alexis said, rushing to the doorway. ‘Put on your shirt and socks, then meet me in the entrance hall!’
I nodded and watched as she left the room, the reality of my situation dawning on me again. I’d almost forgotten that I was a girl now, so lost had I been in Alexis’s warmth. I wished I could crawl back on the bed with her and lose myself with her again. It had been so nice…
And maybe…maybe she’d kiss me again…
I blushed at that and a warm thrill shot through me, making me giggle. Oh my god! Alexis had kissed me! And she loved me, in a romantic way! Were we dating now? We had to be, right? People who kissed each other were definitely dating!
Ah! She’d kissed me! We were dating! AHH!
I squealed excitedly bounced around the room, lost in the memory of Alexis leaning over me. She had looked so beautiful, and her lips and been so soft and warm…and her tongue…when she’d…she’d…
The burning warmth that I now knew to be arousal flooded through me and I gasped, sitting down on the bed and pushing my legs together. I didn’t know if I liked this feeling or not. It was kind of like being hungry, but instead of just my stomach it was my entire body, tingling with excitement and…lust. I wanted to be touched, and kissed and…
Gah! What the hell was I doing? I was supposed to be getting changed, not thinking about…s-sex stuff! Crap!
I shook myself and then put on the white shirt from before, finding that it was quite long and loose. It came down to just past my hips and thankfully didn’t emphasize the new curviness of my body. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed that it looked quite good with the black pants and I smiled briefly, then grabbed a pair of black socks and slipped them on.
Just as I was speeding out of the room I remembered the money dad had given me last night, and the photo. I ran over to my discarded pair of jeans and checked for the money first, and when I found it I gasped. I’d originally thought that there’d been about two hundred but as I counted the notes I found that dad had given me four hundred dollars! W-what the hell…
This was way more money than I’d ever seen in my entire life. What on earth was I supposed to do with this? Had he been saving it up to give to me, or had he made a mistake and given me way more than he intended to? He’d been pretty upset when he’d handed me the notes…but most people didn’t carry around that much money in their wallets, did they? Why did he have so much spare money on him? He was always complaining about how badly the farm was doing lately and how he couldn’t afford to hire a farmhand, buy any new livestock or repair parts of the house. Surely four hundred dollars could help with that stuff, right? Why…
Ugh. Whatever! I didn’t understand finances enough to be able to come to a proper conclusion, and now wasn’t the time for it anyway. I slipped the notes into the back pocket of the pants, which had a small zipper on it to keep them secure, and then put the photo in after them. I was tempted to look at it but resisted the urge, knowing that it’d only upset me. I took Yani’s necklace off my wrist and put it into my back pocket as well, not really knowing any better place for it.
I quickly glanced around the room for anything else I might have forgotten about and then rushed off to the entrance hall. I arrived just as Alexis was hurrying down the stairs. I noticed that she’d removed her black leggings, probably because of the heat, and was wearing a pair of white sneakers. She was holding a large black flat-cap, one of those hats that had a kind of baggy head section and a small brim. I’d seen her mum wearing it every now and then and it definitely seemed suitable for disguising my identity with.
‘I grabbed those shoes from Nyoko’s room.’ she said as she came down the stairs, pointing past me to the door. ‘If they don’t fit then we might have to buy some on the way there. Your old ones won’t fit you either, will they?’
I turned to look to where she was pointing and saw a pair of brown sneakers next to the door. ‘No. if Nyoko’s don’t fit then there’s no way mine would now.’
I quickly tried them on and to my relief they fit decently enough. They were a bit loose but not enough that they’d come off just from walking or jogging. I might have some trouble if I had to start running but I couldn’t imagine that I’d need to.
‘Good!’ Alexis smiled as she came over from the stairs. ‘I hoped they might fit, Nyoko has pretty small feet. Now here, stand still.’
I did so and she pushed my hair behind my ears, and then carefully put the hat onto my head. It was so large that it initially slipped past my ears and covered my eyes, but Alexis quickly pulled it back up with a laugh as I spluttered unhappily. I moved it around a bit to make it comfortable but it was too big and wouldn’t stay still on the top of my head, so I ended up having to keep it angled down over the left side of my face. Some of my vision was obscured but I could see well enough to safely move around.
‘What do you think?’ I asked Alexis, putting my hands on my hips and staring up at her. ‘Can you tell that I’m a girl?’
She looked at me for a moment and then smiled tightly. ‘…yeah, you can. It actually looks really cute like that. Very stylish.’
‘It’s not supposed to be stylish.’ I muttered and turned it to the front again, where it drooped over my face. ‘Gah! Why is this hat so weird!’
‘It’s not weird, just too big.’ Alexis said as she slipped it back to the side. ‘And I don’t think it should matter too much, you’ll be fine if you keep your head down and don’t look at anyone. That was what you were planning on doing anyway, yeah?’
‘It was…’ I nodded, holding onto the hat with both hands. I definitely felt more secure wearing it but I felt like it was more stylistic than it was feature-obscuring. ‘Do you think if I just keep my head down I won’t draw attention to myself, even in the boy’s dorm?
She scratched her head and thought about that for a moment. ‘I don’t really know, to be honest. Even in those clothes you can still see how small and skinny you are, and your hair’s really silky and quite long for a boys. The hat does help though, so I think if you just keep your head down and stay in your dorm room all night it should be fine.’
‘What about the introduction meeting assembly thing today? Should I go to that?’
‘Oh! Yes, you have to go to that.’ She said intently. ‘It’s really important that you don’t miss it, because that’s when we’ll meet all the staff and go through the rules and dorm activities. We’re going to have dinner right after too, along with the staff, so that might be a good chance to talk to Julia.’
I squirmed uneasily at that. There were close to a hundred students living in the dorms, fifty boys and fifty girls separated into four huge dorm houses. How was I supposed to be around so many people and hide the fact that I was a girl from them? And all of the staff as well, what if they didn’t believe that I was who I said I was? My student ID had a picture of me from when it was taken and I didn’t look like that anymore, not really. I didn’t even have it on me at the moment, it was in my suitcase with the Alexis’s parents at the moment.
Ah! Alexis’ parents! I was going to have to avoid them today, and after everything they’d done for me that felt like such a mean thing to do. I wasn’t even going to be able to thank them, and worse, by deliberately avoiding them I’d seem ungrateful! Oh no…
‘Eden?’ Alexis asked and I realised she’d said something else but I hadn’t registered it. I looked up and her and smiled, not wanting to burden her with my problems any more than I already had. ‘We need to go. Do you have everything you need?’
‘I think so.’ I said and looked warily at the door, my heart beginning to beat faster. Once I went outside I wouldn’t be safe anymore, not like I was in here. There were going to be so many people around, not just at Sanders but on the way there too. And I’d never caught a train without mum before. What was I going to do if a stranger sat next to me? A male stranger! What if he was like Jon? What if he tried to talk to me? Or t-t-touc-
‘Uhm!’ I flinched and clutched at the hat. ‘You’re sure that I’ll look like a boy if I just keep my head down and don’t say anything? Nobody will pay me any attention and try to talk to me or…or hurt me? Even on the train? What happens if someone figures out that I’m a girl? What do I do then? What am I supposed to say? Should I pretend I really am a girl or tell them I’m a boy? Will they believe me and go away? Or-’
‘It’ll be okay.’ Alexis put her hands on my shaking shoulders and gently squeezed them. ‘I won’t let anything bad happen to you. I’m going to be by your side all the way to Sanders, and when we get there Reece will be with you when I can’t be. It’s going to be okay, Eden. Don’t worry. We’ll protect you, just like we’ve always done. I promise.’
I grimaced and pulled down on the hat, believing her but not really feeling much better. ‘Yeah but…what if some-’
‘Eden.’ Alexis swept me up into a hug, actually lifting me off the ground so that our chests squashed together. I gasped and hugged her back, completely forgetting what I’d been about to say. Her chest was so soft and squishy, but firm and…ah…uhm…
My mind went blank for a moment, lost in the feeling of her chest against mine. And my legs, wrapped around her waist…
A new sensation appeared in my abdomen and I impulsively pulled myself harder against her, trying to…to…I don’t know…
Something…I needed to feel her more, somehow. M-
‘I’ll look after you.’ she said softly, her breath brushing against my nose and making it twitch curiously. ‘You trust me, right?’
‘Y-yes!’ I nodded, blushing as I remembered what had happened the last time she’d asked me that. I expected her to kiss me again but to my extreme disappointment she carefully put me back on the ground and grabbed my hand. ‘Huh?’
She squeezed my hand and grinned. ‘Let’s go!’
‘O-okay!’ I said as she walked to the door, gently pulling along after her. I tottered after her, my mind still a fuzzy mess of warmth and lust. My heart was thumping through my chest and I felt far warmer than I had before, almost to the point of burning.
Augh…
Why couldn’t we have just stayed at her place all day? I needed...
I needed more...
Synopsis: Damien has dedicated his life to trying to become a social worker, and be the kind of man he never had growing up. Unfortunately, the mistakes of the parents he never met are catching up with him, and when they do his entire life is ripped apart. He is morphed into a young girl and is forced to live with a mother he never wanted to meet in a world he doesn’t care about, while emotions he thought he’d buried years ago painfully resurface.
Powerful people are trying to convince him to use his emerging powers for the benefit of humanity, but he refuses to accept what’s happened and this refusal is slowly tearing his body apart. He doesn’t care about anything other than going back home and to the life he used to live, in the body he felt safe in, with his kitten.
Will he manage to return to his previous life, or will his body give out and die in the process? Or will he accept what’s happened to him and try to work through it?
Author's note: I'm posting this to see how much interest I get in this, based off of the premise and the first chapter. I'm putting feelers out, I guess! And if they feel a good reception then they'll start feeling me for more! And it'll feel good, cos feelers are...feeling...yeah...what...
If you'd like more let me know by Kudos or comment, whichever :) This story will become my secondary focus after The Waitress, if so. If not then...cool. I'll feel myself for some more...feelings. Yep. >.>
I was running out of time. I’d only written three lines of the two thousand word essay due tomorrow morning and the library was going to close in an hour. I hadn’t even finished half of the reading material necessary to write the essay either. I was screwed. Psychology had, once again, thoroughly defeated me.
‘No…’ I moaned and pushed my laptop away from me so I could slump down on the desk’s warm surface. ‘I suuuck.’
‘Hmm?’ my classmate Laura looked up from the table next to mine, a frown on her handsome face. We were sitting at the back of the library, amongst the many study tables behind the bookshelves. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I’m not going to be able to finish this.’ I jerked my head at the laptop.
‘Well, yeah,’ She smirked, brushing her loose blonde hair behind her large ears. ‘You should have started it two months ago, not two hours ago.’
‘I was busy with the statistical assignment though.’ A weak spark of anger shot through me and I sat back up. ‘And before that I had to study for that stupid maths test we had, which was a waste of time because I failed it anyway. This is impossible!’
‘Well, I’ve managed to keep up with everything, and so has everyone else in our class,’ Laura said matter-of-factly. ‘So you just need to do better.’
I stared at her in disbelief. ‘B-but I’m doing the best I can!’
‘Really?’ She looked genuinely surprised, and then shrugged. ‘Well, then, that’s disappointing.’
‘What? Don’t say that!’ I moaned and she smirked before lowering her head down and flipping through her textbook.
I stared at her head before snarling and slumping back down on the table. God damn it! I hated Laura! And this stupid school too! I should have known it would end up like this. Why had I even bothered coming here?
It had seemed so new and exciting at first though…Lowe was a private school that let year nine students study the VCE psychology course, something that was normally only available to year ten students. I’d wanted to be a social worker even since I was twelve and when I’d found out about Lowe last year I’d immediately applied for an economic scholarship, and had actually been accepted!
It’d been a dream come true and I was intent not to waste the opportunity. I knew first-hand how painful childhood abuse could be and desperately I wanted to help children who were suffering. I wanted to become the person I’d never had as a child. A competent, caring adult who could help kids in need, kids who had nobody else to help them. I’d cheer them up and give them hope for a better future, a better life. It was all I’d ever wanted! To be someone important, someone who helped people and was genuinely caring and kind…but…
Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like any of that was going to happen.
Even though I was passionate about being a social worker, I was absolutely terrible at learning how to be one. I’d never been able to concentrate very well and because the coursework was two years above my level I was having far more trouble than normal. I was constantly struggling to understand words and concepts and was too embarrassed to ask for the teacher to slow down. Everyone else seemed to be able to follow the coursework, even other kids my age, so I didn’t want to single myself out as the only idiot. As such, I kept silent and fell further and further behind with each passing day.
It was nearing the end of the semester now and if I didn’t get more than seventy percent on my overall grade then I’d be forced to drop the subject and start it again next year. And from how things had been going I couldn’t imagine being allowed to continue. I was going to have to drop the course…
I glared at my laptop and saw my reflection looking back, making me slam it shut. I really didn’t want to see myself right now, although it wasn’t like I was particularly ugly. My face was starting to break out in acne but it wasn’t too bad, and my strong nose and chin helped elevate my rather thin lips and dull eyes. My messy black hair reached down to my ears and covered my uneven forehead quite well, and I was tall and gangly too, which was pretty useful.
It wasn’t my body that was the problem, it was my brain. I was…just dumb. Slow and stupid. I couldn’t think clearly for more than a minute before getting distracted and whenever I tried to think about complex things for too long I got an actual headache. I couldn’t even focus on something I was passionate about! It was my dream to be a social worker but I w-
‘Yo! Damien!’ a boy’s voice said from behind me and I gasped, having completely lost myself in my misery.
I turned around and suppressed a groan as I saw one of the last people I wanted to see right now. Shannon Hine, with his girlfriend standing behind him. He was a year older than me and also studied psychology. He was tall, lean and had a round, rather babyish face that made him seem even younger than me. His ginger hair was cut close to the scalp and always had a pair of expensive sunglasses resting on top of it, even in winter. Teachers were constantly telling him to take them off but he never did, and if they were confiscated he always seemed to have another pair ready to replace them.
‘Shannon. What’s up?’ I sighed, hoping he was just here to talk to me about psychology.
‘Nothing much. Just waiting for my dad to get here.’ He nodded to the laptop and pile books behind me. ‘You working on that assignment due tomorrow?’
‘I was…’
‘He hasn’t finished it yet.’ Laura unhelpfully commented and I glared at her.
‘Really? It’s worth thirty percent of our grade, you know.’ Shannon laughed and adjusted the glasses on his head. ‘You need to finish it, man.’
‘Yeah, I know.’ I moaned and ran my hands through my hair.
‘Is this the weird kid you were talking about?’ Damien’s black-haired girlfriend said and I froze. Weird? ‘The one that doesn’t like being touched?’
‘Oh! Yeah, this is him.’ Shannon grinned at her and then raised a hand. ‘Check this out!’
The girlfriend watched with interest as Shannon slowly moved his hand towards me, still grinning.
‘Wh-stop it!’ I reflectively recoiled from the hand, a shiver running down my spine. I did not like being touched and Shannon clearly knew it! What the hell was he doing?
‘Naw.’ Shannon’s grin widened and he moved his hand closer to my face, making me flinch. He laughed and my face burned as I heard his girlfriend join in. ‘See? It freaks him out.’
‘Stop it.’ I repeated as firmly as I could, anxiety curling in my stomach. I was in far too bad of a mood to deal with this right now…
‘We’re just having some fun,’ Shannon said and pulled his hand away. ‘Relax.’
‘Yeah, relax.’ his girlfriend giggled. ‘It’s just fun!’
‘It’s not fun fo-FUCK!’ I jolted to my feet as she leapt at me, throwing her arms out in front of her. She stopped inches from my face and then laughed delightedly as I backed into the table and grunted in surprise.
‘Dude! You seriously need to chill!’ she giggled as I grasped at my chest. ‘We’re just playing, yeah?’
‘G-go away!’ I shook my head and winced as an unpleasant buzzing began to grow in my ears. A memory flitted through my mind, of a large man reaching out to touch my body while painful sobs shook my chest an-
‘Are you high or something?’ she leant closer and inspected my eyes with a frown.
‘What? No.’ I hugged my chest, feeling sick. More memories flashed through my head but I tried to ignore them. I was not in the right mindset to deal with this right now! ‘I just don’t like being touched!’
‘I don’t either, but I don’t freak out like a retard when someone tries to touch me.’
‘I’m not a retard!’ I snarled, the word immediately setting me off. ‘Don’t call me that!’
‘Aww, sorry mate,’ Shannon held out his hand. ‘We didn’t mean to upset you. Let’s shake and make up.’
‘Just go away.’ I swallowed. ‘Please…’
‘Shake my hand and we will.’ Shannon grinned. ‘Go on! It’s just a hand. It’s not gonna bite you.’
‘No. Go away!’
‘Don’t be so pathetic.’ His voice hardened. ‘It’s just a handshake you pussy. Come on!’
I shook my head and began packing up my psychology textbooks. ‘I’m going home.’
‘Okay, now you’re just pissing me off.’ He said and…
And…
Grabbed my shoulder. Hard.
…
His hands on my shoulder were like metal weights, forcing me onto my knees while Jon came into the room.
‘Shh…’ he said as I stared crying again, my chest feeling like it was about to break. ‘You should be used to this by now. Why don’t you just close your eyes and pretend that you’re Demi, okay? Demi doesn’t cry. Oh no, she doesn’t. She’s a good girl.’
…
‘Are you a good girl?’
…
I broke.
A warm, nauseating strength flooded through my veins and I felt my eyes darken behind my thin eyebrows. My heart began to beat faster and faster, far beyond what it should have been capable of.
‘Fuck. OFF!’ I spun around and shoved Shannon in the chest so hard that he was jolted backwards over one table and into the one behind it. He grunted with surprise as he crashed into the table and both of them were slammed into the ground by his momentum.
He lay on the ground for a moment, a look of shock on his face, and then he pushed himself back up as his girlfriend cried out in shock.
‘What the hell!’ Tom snarled and rubbed his lower back while making sure his glasses weren't damaged. ‘The shit is wrong with you, man?’
‘I told you not to touch me.’ My breathing was ragged, and the warm feeling was already fading as my heart calmed itself down. This was only the third time I’d ever felt it and it always disappeared after I punched or pushed someone, unfortunately.
‘You’re insane!’ his girlfriend spat. ‘Wh-’
‘Stop it!’ Laura shouted and all of us stared at her in surprise. I’d completely forgotten that she was even there. ‘I’m trying to study, you morons!’
‘Awh, don’t be a bitch Laura.’ Shannon said and she glared at him. ‘We’re just messing around.’
‘I don’t care! This is a library, not a…a gym! Get out of here,’ she turned to look at me. ‘And you too Damien! You’re always ruining my concentration with your bullshit! You’re either muttering to yourself like a retard or getting into fights like this! I’m sick of it!’
Her words jerked me out of my rage and I stared at her in shock. ‘W-what? I didn’t do anything!’
‘I don’t care! Just go away!’ She angrily flipped through her textbook. ‘Some of us actually have futures here, and I don’t want you dragging me down to your level with your bullshit.’
I gaped at her, the last vestiges of my rage turning into shame. ‘Wh-bu-my…my level?’
‘Yes. Your level. Shit.’ She sneered.
‘Oh damn!’ Shannon laughed, staring at Laura. ‘That was harsh!’
Tears stung my eyes and I turned back to my psychology books, feeling sick. Laura had always been mean but never that mean. I’d actually thought she was my friend, kind of. At least not someone who…who hated me…
My throat swelled up and I felt the urge to run away, but I needed to pack up my things first. I couldn’t leave my laptop here, it was far too expensive to lose in a fit of misery.
‘I was gonna punch you for shoving me before, but man…I think you’ve been hurt enough.’ Shannon said as I shoved my books into my schoolbag.
‘You should still punch him.’ The girlfriend said. ‘He pushed you over!’
‘Yeah, but…I kinda deserved that.’ Shannon smirked. ‘Sorry about that, Damo. I was just messing with you.’
‘Okay.’ I pushed my laptop into its case and swung my schoolbag over my shoulder. ‘I’m going. Bye.’
‘You gonna be okay?’ he asked as I walked away but I didn’t answer.
‘What a weirdo.’ His girlfriend said loudly.
‘Yeah…I think he might be retarded.’ Shannon said, also loud enough for me to hear.
A stab of pain ran through my chest and fresh tears streamed down my cheeks. Shit…
Why had I ever bothered coming here? I was a failure.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was only five thirty, so while there weren’t many people on the school grounds it was still fairly light outside. I kept my head bowed so my hair would hide my red eyes and walked as fast as I could out of the library, ignoring the angry questions coming from the librarian about the commotion I’d just caused. There was a wooden walkway that wound down from the library and to the front of the school, and as I walked down it pain scratched at my chest.
This school was supposed to be where I started turning my dream of being a social worker into a reality. The classrooms were so big and fancy, with projectors and laptops in each room, and the three-storey tall IT building could had all of the latest technology for students to try out, and the science buildings had state-of the-art labs and…and…
‘Damien!’
I didn’t belong here. This was a school for genius rich kids like Laura and Shannon. People who actually had parents and the money to be able to afford to send them here. Not parentless poor kids like me who lived alone in a tiny apartment with only a kitten as company.
‘Hey! Damien!’
At least I had Whiskers for company. He was a black and white ball of love and affection that always made me feel better. He was so snuggly! When I got home I’d crawl onto my bed and he’d curl up next to me and purr-
‘Oh for god’s sake! Damien!’
‘Ah!’ I gasped as a tall girl stepped out in front of me and managed to stp walking before I crashed into her.
I blinked away tears and was surprised to see that it was Bailey, my best friend. She was a tall, athletic girl with dark black hair and a pink, healthy complexion that made her pretty face even more beautiful. She was holding onto a basketball and was dressed in the school’s black sports uniform.
‘Jesus! I’ve been trying to get your attention for like a minute!’ She brushed her long ponytail off of her shoulder and looked up at me in concern. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine.’ I rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself down. ‘What are you still doing here?’
‘Basketball practice.’ She held up the basketball and raised a neatly plucked eyebrow.
‘Oh yeah.’ I looked around and saw that I was across from the basketball courts now, and nearing the exit to school. ‘Are you done? Want to walk home together?’
‘Sure,’ she dropped in next to me and began bouncing the ball. ‘So what’s wrong?’
I considered once again telling her that I was fine, but stopped myself. I’d first met Bailey when she’d found me beaten up after failing to fight off some bullies after my money, so it wasn’t like my stories of woe were anything new to her. Still…I didn’t want to relive what had just happened so shortened it down a bit.
‘I’m not going to be able to pass psychology.’
‘Oh,’ she stopped bouncing the ball and smiled lopsidedly. ‘I take it you didn’t manage to finish your essay then?’
‘No. I couldn’t even finish the introduction.’ My voice cracked and I looked away from her as Laura’s words rang in my mind. ‘D-do you think I’m stupid?’
‘No.’ she said immediately. ‘Why would I? Because you’re failing psychology?’
‘Yes!’ I sniffed and rubbed my nose. ‘Everyone else in our class who took it like Laura are doing fine! I’m the only one who’s going to fail!’
‘So? I’d fail it too if I did it.’ She bounced in front of me and pointed at herself. ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’
‘What? No!’
‘Then you’re not either.’ she said simply and began bouncing her basketball again. ‘We’re both C-average students, Damien. There’s nothing wrong with that.’
That…made sense but… ‘But I-’
‘Oh, cheer up!’ She threw the ball at me and I caught it before it squashed my stomach. ‘If you fail psych this year then you can just do it again next year! Simple.’
‘But I came here so I could do it this year.’ I bounced the ball a bit and then threw it back to her. ‘If I do it next year then there was no point in me even coming here.’
‘Yes there was.’ She looked at me with a wide smile. ‘You met me.’
I couldn’t help smiling back, my chest lightening a bit. ‘That’s true. You’re pretty awesome.’
‘I am.’ She jumped onto the small wire fence lining the edge of school and stood straight. ‘And so are you. I wouldn’t be friends with you if it wasn’t true.’
I blushed and looked down at the ground. ‘T-thanks.’
She laughed. ‘So, why don’t we two awesome people go to your place and eat a tub of ice cream while watching the rest of that anime show we saw last week?’
‘That sounds…perfect.’ I breathed and grinned up at her.
‘I know.’ She winked and jumped off the fence, landing in front of me. ‘Now come on! I’m starving.’
Just as I was about to follow her I stopped, hearing a strange sound coming from somewhere in the distance. It was a creaking, cracking sound followed by a heavy moaning. I frowned and looked back at the school to see if someone was there, but there was only empty pavement and dark classrooms. For a moment I thought I saw a shape on top of one of the classroom's metal roofs, and I heard a soft cracking, but then the shape was gone.
'What's wrong?' Bailey called and I jumped.
'Umm...' I looked at the classroom again before hurrying after her, starting to be a bit creeped out. 'Nothing. Let's go!'
As I caught up to her I heard the strange moaning again, but it quickly faded as we left the area. It was probably just the groundskeeper doing...something. Groundskeeper stuff.
Maybe if I couldn't be a social worker then I'd end up being a groundskeeper. That didn't sound so bad...
To be continued...
Thankyou ^_^
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl who makes him an offer he refuses to refuse: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Author's note: I thought that I’d work on a more light-hearted story that actually has a confident trans character as the protagonist, one who’s actively taking control of their life instead of just being dragged along by other people.
Meow!
Thank you for reading! As this is a new story I'd really appreciate people letting me know what they think and how it's going. Feed me! :O
Thanks ^_^
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl who makes him an offer he refuses to refuse: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Author's note: I thought that I’d work on a more light-hearted story that actually has a confident trans character as the protagonist, one who’s actively taking control of their life instead of just being dragged along by other people.
Meow!
Thankyou for reading! As this is a new story I'd really appreciate people letting me know what they think and how it's going. Feed me! :O
Thanks ^_^
I knelt on the edge of my messy bed tried my best to look as sick as possible, coughing painfully every now and then while rubbing my eyes to make them look red and sore. Most of the time it was pretty easy to convince people that I was sick as I had a pale complexion that was emphasized by my thick shoulder-length blonde hair, and my body was quite small and frail for a thirteen year old boy. All I had to do was cough painfully and look as sad and as miserable as possible, and people would immediately believe that I wasn’t feeling well.
Unfortunately, the person I was trying to trick today was mum, and she knew me far too well to be easily fooled. She was standing in front of the bed and inspecting me with her sharp brown eyes, her silver glasses pushed up to rest on top of her head. She was almost twice my height and very attractive, with long brown hair brushed to fall over the left side of her face and soft, petite facial features. We resembled each other in the face, both having plump lips, expressive eyes and small noses along with high cheekbones, but I had a small beauty spot under my right eye and she had an array of freckles going across her nose and cheeks.
‘Hmm. You don’t look sick, just tired.’ she said with a small frown and put a soft hand against my forehead. ‘And it doesn’t feel like you’ve got a temperature.’
‘I don’t feel good at all though!’ I said croakily and rubbed my throat, looking up at her through my sprawling bed-hair. ‘I think I’ve got the flu! Or tonsillitis!’
‘You look fine to me.’ Her eyes narrowed. ‘And you don’t sound like your throat’s sore at all. You sound like you’re pretending to have a sore throat.’
‘I’m not pretending!’ I said and tried to make my throat sound as sore as possible by deepening it a bit. ‘See? It’s really sore! I’m in pain!’
‘Alex…’
‘I really am sick! Look! I’m pale!’ I pointed at my face hopefully.
‘You’re always pale!’ she said with a laugh.
‘Y-yeah, but this time I’m super pale! And my eyes are really red!’ I quickly rubbed them again. ‘See?’
Mum sighed and sat down on the bed next to me, a sad expression on her face. ‘Sweetheart…what’s going on?
‘Nothing! I really am sick!’ I said but she shook her head, her eyes thoughtful.
‘Let’s see…today’s Wednesday, and if I remember correctly you were trying to make me think you were sick this time last week too so…’ She blinked and then nodded to herself. ‘Sports. You’re trying to get out of sports class.’
Agh! She got me! And so fast too!
‘T-that’s just a coincidence!’ I said deeply and rubbed my throat. ‘And it’s even more reason for me to stay home! I can’t do sports if I’m sick!’
‘Alex. Please stop lying to me.’ she said and my stomach squirmed guiltily. She knew I was lying, and if I kept going I’d only end up insulting her. Crap…
‘Fine! I’m not sick!’ I cried, crossing my arms under my chest and looking up at her defiantly. ‘But I’m not going to school!’
‘Why not?’ she put her hand on my knee and looked down at me in concern, some of her hair falling loose and gently hitting me in the face. ‘Is someone bullying you?’
The image of Shannon’s handsome, laughing face popped into my head, and for a moment I felt the sensation of his fist hitting me in the stomach while his friend Brad held me from behind.
‘No.’ I said quickly, pushing the horrible image out of my head. ‘I just don’t like sports.’
‘I can’t let you stay home just because you don’t like sports.’ Mum said, her lips twitching into a smile.
‘But it’s so cold outside!’ I pointed to my closed window, which was covered by black blinds decorated with various cute bugs. ‘We’re going to be out on the oval for two hours and there’s no way I won’t get sick! I heard dad say that it’s even going to rain today! I’ll probably die!’
‘You won’t die! You’ll be fine munchkin. Come here!’ Mum smiled and wrapped me up in a warm hug, washing me in her soft, rose and peach-scented perfume. I immediately hugged her back and buried my face in her chest while she patted me on the head. She was wearing a tight black knee-length dress that was one of my favourites of hers, mainly because of the fabric. It was made out of some kind of silk that was soft but looked thicker than it actually was, and was very professionally made. Its neckline wasn’t too deep and its sleeves went down to the elbows, ending in a white silk cuff akin to a shirt. I loved it so much and had tried it on once, but it’d been far too big for me and I’d looked…stupid and…
A vast emptiness grew in my stomach and my eyes burned with tears. I would do anything to be able to look as beautiful as mum when I grew up, to be able to look as good as she did in dresses. She was so tall and elegant and pretty and…and everything I wanted to be but…
But I was a boy so…so…
My lips trembled and I hugged mum tighter, forcing myself to calm down. I needed to stop thinking about this! My body was fine at the moment! I’d been taking steps to make it as feminine as possible and…and even though I knew it wasn’t going to last forever it wa-
‘Alex?’ mum asked softly and I gasped, having gotten lost in my thoughts.
‘Hm!’
‘You’ll be fine if you dress warmly.’ She smiled, thankfully not noticing that I’d nearly started crying. I guess rubbing my eyes to make them look red and sore actually paid off. ‘And if it does rain then I’m sure your teacher will move you all into the gym.’
I nodded slightly and then snuffled against her, my eyes starting to droop. I hadn’t slept well last night and it’d only been five minutes since mum had woken me up so I was still very tired. The miserable feelings of wanting to be a girl didn’t help anything either. All I wanted to do right now was snuggle up next to mum and go back to sleep, forgetting that I’d even woken up today.
But, that wasn’t going to happen.
‘Sweetie…I need to leave in a few minutes.’ she said regretfully, putting her hands on my face and gently making me look up at her. ‘And you need to have a shower and get ready for school.’
‘Noo! Can’t you stay longer?’
‘You know I can’t. Until your father finally decides to start looking for work then I’m always going to be leaving this early.’ She said, her lips twisting in displeasure.
I shared her displeased look as a stab of frustration ran through me. Dad had been fired from his job as an accountant six months ago, and since then he’d been staying at home watching TV and feeling sorry for himself. Mum had been forced to take on more hours at her job as a hairdresser to compensate for him not working anymore, which meant that we didn’t spend nearly as much together as we used to. She was only around for about twenty minutes in the morning and came back late at night, usually so tired that all she wanted to do was sleep. It was horrible.
She sighed heavily and slowly got up, letting me fall down onto the spot where she’d been. ‘Come on little buddy. Time to start the day.’
‘I don’t want too.’ I squashed myself face-down down onto the warm bed and looked defiantly up at her through my hair.
‘Neither do I, but we’ve both got responsibilities.’ She said and put her hands on her hips. ‘Come on Alex.’
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘I’m going to stay here for the rest of the day!’
‘Really.’ Mum said flatly.
‘Really!’
‘Fine!’ she said and I squealed in surprise as she reached over and slipped her arm under my stomach, then lifted me off the bed as if I were a particularly large cat. ‘I’ll just have to carry you to the bathroom then!’
‘Wha-mum!’ I cried and tried to squirm my way out of her grasp, but she held me tightly against her hip and I couldn’t figure out how to get free. ‘Let me go!’
‘No.’ she said, walking out into the hallway. ‘If you’re going to act like a stubborn little kitten then I’m going to treat you like one.’
I blinked and then my eyes widened in delight. I was a kitten! ‘Mew! Nyaa!’
‘Meow.’ Mum replied with a smile and set off down the white hallway while I pawed at the air in front of me.
My bedroom was at the very back of the house, just behind my brothers, and as we proceeded down it he appeared at the end, wrapped up in a black towel with his long hair dripping over his slight shoulders. When he saw us he stopped and pushed his hair out of his face to see us better through his glasses, looking confused. Jason was my twin brother and while we didn’t look exactly alike we shared a few features. He was small too, although a head taller than me, and had a very skinny body. His face was feminine like mine but leant more on the androgynous side of things, and he’d dyed his hair jet black and it was actually longer than mine, going just past his shoulders. He had the same beauty spot under his right eye too. He’d inherited mum’s short-sightedness though and wore a pair of glasses that were exact replicas of her, just smaller.
‘I’m a stubborn kitten!’ I explained to his confused expression and put my hands on either side of my head, then meowed happily.
‘I…see…’ he said and patted me on the head, making me meow gain. He blinked and then smiled slightly. ‘Good kitty.’
‘Are you going to be ready on time for school?’ mum asked and he nodded.
‘Yes.’
‘Can you make sure that your feline little brother is ready too? And walk with him to school so he doesn’t try and run off?’
‘Yes.’ he said with a smile and I glared at him. Traitor!
‘Thanks honey.’ Mum said and patted him on the head, making him beam happily. ‘Have a good day at school, okay? And let me know how your maths test goes!’
‘Sure.’ He nodded and then walked past us and into his room, where the sounds of a paused video game where emanating from.
Unlike me, Jason wasn’t much of a talker and preferred to spend most of his time alone in his room, but we got along really well. When mum wasn’t around I usually hung out in his room playing video games with him so I wouldn’t be alone when dad tried to find me.
Speaking of dad, as we exited the hallway and entered the living room he was sitting in front of our new TV and watching the news while sipping from a steaming cup of coffee. The living room was quite spacious but most of the walls were taken up by black leather couches and bookcases, with dad’s ugly blue armchair in the best spot to see the TV. The bookcases were mainly full of books mum liked reading, romance and mystery novels, but there were some old comic books spread throughout as well such as Asterix and TinTin.
When we entered the hallway dad looked away from the TV and smirked when he saw me. Jason and I didn’t much resemble him, as he had a sharp face with a weak chin and watery eyes above a handsome nose. He sported a thin brown moustache that covered his thin top lip and kept his brown hair cut close to his scalp.
‘What’s going on here?’ he asked and sat up straighter in the chair, wrapping his brown dressing gown tighter around his ever-thickening stomach. His eyes were red and I could tell that he’d been up for a while, probably having been unable to sleep properly.
‘Meow.’ I said hopefully but dad frowned at me. Crap. He was in a bad mood.
‘Alex refused to get out of bed so I’m carrying him to the shower.’ Mum explained and dad made a disgusted face.
‘Oh, put him down.’ he said and eyed me sharply. ‘What are you doing, making your mother carry you around like that? You’re not a baby for god’s sake.’
‘I know.’ I said, flushing red.
‘Then why are you letting her carry you around like you are?’
‘B-because I’m a kitten…’ I said weakly, avoiding his horribly judgemental eyes.
‘No, you’re a thirteen year old boy.’ Dad corrected me with a sneer. ‘What the hell is wrong with you?’
‘Stop it.’ Mum interrupted angrily and carefully put me down on the ground. ‘We were just playing.’
‘Just playing? That’s exactly the problem!’ Dad cried, his eyes widening angrily. ‘If you keep treating him like he’s a baby then he’s never going to grow up!’
‘I’m not treating him like he’s a baby!’ mum snapped.
‘Bullshit.’ Dad scoffed and pointed at me. ‘Look at him! He looks like a friggin’ ten year old girl! All because you let him skip meals and grow his hair long and pamper him like he’s your special little princess or something.’
I turned even redder at that and stepped behind mum as she clenched her fists. ‘There’s nothing wrong with how I treat Alex.’
‘Maybe if he was a girl, but he’s not.’ Dad took a gulp of his coffee and I could see that he was just warming up. Ever since he’d lost his job he’d become more and more focused on how mum treated Jason and I, probably because when he was working he was never around to see us. Now that he saw us all the time he’d seemed to have made it is job to “set us straight” on how boys should act, and he’d aimed a lot of his frustration at mum, who he saw as having failed to raise us properly.
I was sick of his constant arguments and wasn’t ready to deal with them this early in the morning, so I tugged on mums arm and made her look down at me.
‘I’m going to have a shower! A-and you have to go to work so…’
‘Yes! I do.’ Mum blinked and then smiled down at me. ‘I’ll see you tonight, okay? And don’t worry about sports, I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’ll bring some chicken soup home for you though just in case!’
‘Ah! Okay!’ I beamed at her and she kissed me on the top of the head.
‘S-see!’ dad spluttered, making us both jump. ‘That’s exactly what I’m talking about!’
‘What? So I can’t kiss my son anymore?’ mum asked incredulously.
‘Not like that! Bloody hell! Can’t you…’
I padded out of the room and deliberately blocked out dads voice, feeling sick. He had to make everything miserable! Why couldn’t he just mind his own business? Or go away and find a job so he wouldn’t be home anymore!
The bathroom was behind the stairs leading up to the second floor where mum and dads separate rooms were, along with dad’s office. I was so lost in my anger at dad that I didn’t notice my sister leaving the bathroom, and if she hadn’t of put her hands on my shoulders I’d have ploughed right into her.
‘Ah!’ I cried and grabbed her hand in surprise, my heart skipping a beat. ‘Ashley!’
‘Watch where you’re going.’ she said and gently smacked me on the head. ‘You almost walked into me.’
‘Sorry.’ I muttered and looked up at her. She was head and shoulders taller than me and her body was thin and lean, with a surprising amount of strength in it. Basketball was her one love in life and she spent most of her time either training or playing in every match she could find. She was really good too, captaining our school’s senior girls team and having won quite a few medals and trophies. Dad loved her…
Her face was soft and petite like mums, and she had freckles on her cheeks and nose, but her hair was a dark brown like dads and cut into a short bob so it wouldn’t fall into her green eyes. She was almost seventeen and didn’t really get along too well with Jason and I. She was very competitive and loved being outside and active, whereas Jason and I were happier being inside doing things she considered ‘geeky and lame’, like reading and playing video games.
‘What are you looking so sad about?’ she asked and I shrugged, making her frown and look past me to the living room. Dad was still arguing with mum and his deep voice floated down the hallway, making her grimace. ‘Oh, for god’s sake! You pissed dad off again? Why?’
‘Wha-I didn’t do anything!’ I snapped but she smacked me on the head again, this time harder.
‘Why do you have to make him so mad all the time?’ She pulled on the cuff of her white school shirt and sniffed unhappily. ‘Having him home all the time was supposed to be great but you keep ruining it! Can you just…not? I want to enjoy his company and I can’t do that when he’s angry at you all the time!’
She waved her hands at me as if I were a large bug and stalked off down the hallway. I considered making a rude gesture but the last time I’d done that she’d seen it and sat on me for almost five minutes until mum had come to save me, and I really didn’t want a repeat of that. I settled with just glaring at her back until she was gone and then went into the bathroom, my hands shaking slightly with anger. Ashely and dad were just as bad as each other! Every morning was crap because of them…
I shut the bathroom door with more force than was necessary and then when over to the full-length mirror set into the grey marble wall, across from the granite sink. As soon as I saw my reflection I calmed down a bit, and when I threw off my black pyjama top I felt even better.
I’d read online that hormones were what transsexuals took to turn themselves into girls, and I was lucky enough to have access to some. Dad had forced Ashley to take birth control pills last year when she’d starting dating, but she’d refused to take them and always just threw them out. I’d been stealing them from her rubbish for the past ten months and…
The effects had been beautiful…
Even though I was still tiny, my body was now slim and feminine. My hips had widened, my skin had become smoother and everything in general had just become rounder and more girly. My body had an hourglass shape like mums, although obviously nowhere near as well-developed.
I beamed as I admired my reflection and then carefully pulled off the singlet I used to hide my small breasts. The singlet was an old one of mine that was two sizes too small and it effectively squashed my breasts into nothingness. I had no real idea how large they were but I think they were an A-cup from what I’d seen online. They were squishy but hard deeper in, and didn’t much like being touched. If I didn’t cover them with the singlet they would constantly get irritated by my other clothing’s fabric, and stung if I touched them too hard. I didn’t touch them much…
I looked exactly like a girl, just like I’d always wanted. I was pretty and cute and if things kept going the way there were then I’d be beautiful, just like mum. This was the happiest I’d been in years, but…
…but, this going to continue for long.
I’d been able to hide the changes so far but as I got older they’d become more obvious, especially my chest. Mum and dad would notice eventually, or Ashely would figure out I’d been taking her hormones and confront me about it. And when that happened they’d take my hormones away and I’d never be able to be a girl. Dad would never let me transition and while I think mum might be okay with it dad wouldn’t let her help me. My future would die and my life would be over.
Right now I was in a kind of mini-vacation from reality, a pit-stop before the inevitable wave of masculinity consumed me. And the longer I stayed like this the worse it got. I’d become used to looking like this and the thought of losing it made me want to scream wildly and kill things.
A painful chill ran down my spine and I hugged myself with a whimper, the emptiness from before returning. As each month went by the chances of being found out became higher and higher. No, not even each month! Ashley could figure out I’d been stealing her hormones tonight, or she herself could be found out for not taking them and dad would keep a closer eye on them, making it impossible for me to take them. At any moment this beautiful dream could be torn apart and I’d come crashing back to reality with no hope of returning to happiness.
And when that happened, I’d…probably die…
I shook my head and quickly turned on the shower as hot as it could go, wanting to submerge myself in at least a little happiness before the day started. School was going to be a nightmare, and with dad in an already bad mood I couldn’t imagine tonight was going to be any better…
End of Chapter One
Thankyou for reading!
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Author's note: Sorry for the delay. Been sick again >.> Stupid Melbourne weather. Thankyou for reading! Comments and Kudos are very much appreciated! And kitten cookies too :3
Once I finished showering I hurried back to my room and changed into my sports uniform, which consisted of a black jumper, a white shirt and black pants. We weren’t supposed to wear it to school, only change into it during sports class, but I didn’t care. Even before I’d started taking hormones I was harassed because of my small body and feminine face, making changing rooms an absolute nightmare. It’d only gotten worse since I’d started hormones, so much so that I just wore my sports uniform to school so I could avoid it altogether. I always got in trouble for it, but a few lunchtime detentions were far more preferable than being called a shim or a tranny.
Besides all of that, the sports uniform was unisex so unless you already knew I was a boy then it was impossible to tell. Without the gendered markers of the normal uniform then I was constantly mistaken as a girl by strangers, making school just a little bit more manageable.
When I finished dressing myself I went over to the bookcase next to my bed, which was overflowing with books, video games and figurines. The top shelves were where I kept the things that were important to me, such as a photo of Jared, mum and I in front of a lively ocean, and my collection of old picture books. The bottom shelves I tried to keep as boring as possible so nobody would be tempted to look through it. I kept schoolbooks on them, as well as any bad video games that I’d been given over the years. It was my hope that anyone who saw the bookcase would be drawn to the top shelves and ignore the bottom ones, as something special was hidden down there.
Sally the seal! A white soft toy baby seal that mum had given to me on my fifth birthday. She’d been my best friend growing up and now she had an even more important role; storing the hormones I was stealing from Ashley.
I knelt down and carefully reached behind a pile of old math textbooks to pull out my fluffy friend, and then lay her down on her back. She wasn’t too big, about half as long as my arm, but she had a lot of stuffing in her so was quite chunky. It was the perfect place to hide the hormones because the woolly stuffing was so thick that you couldn’t feel them inside of her, even if you squeezed her really hard. I’d cut a hand-shaped hole in her stomach so I could reach in and out of her, and kept it shut with three safety pins just in case.
‘I’m sorry, Sally,’ I said as I pulled out the pins and reached inside of her. ‘But I still love you! I wouldn’t trust anyone else to look after my hormones!’
Her large black eyes looked proudly up at me from the ground and I couldn’t resist kissing her fluffy nose. Urgh! I missed being allowed to have soft toys so much! Dad had banned me from having them when I was ten, deciding that it wasn’t appropriate for me to have such things anymore. I’d come home one day to find my gigantic collection of squishy kittens, snuggly puppies and baby bunnies all gone, and had naturally been incredibly upset. I’d demanded to know where they’d gone and he informed me that he’d taken them all to an op shop so I’d never see them again.
It’d been one of the worst days of my life, and gave birth to the seed of hatred that I harboured for dad.
Sally had managed to survive the purge because mum had taken her to get repaired at a clothing store on the day of the purge. She’d been furious at dad when she found out what he’d done. They’d argued worse than I’d ever seen them before and she made him promise to never do something like that again. He said he wouldn’t and he hadn’t, but I’d been too scared to buy any more soft toys since then so it didn’t really matter. He’d won.
I pulled out the small plastic bag that I kept the hormones in and removed two of the small orange pills, then quickly put the rest back in Sally and hid her away again. Once she was out of view I went over to my computer desk and took the pills with the water that I kept there just for this occasion. I’d been do-
‘Hey!’
I choked in surprise as my bedroom door swung open and Ashley barged in. Some water spilled out of my mouth and I pushed it back in with my hands, scared that one of the tablets might slip out. I swallowed as hard as I could and then stared at my sister with huge eyes.
‘What the hell are you doing! I could have been naked you jerk!’ I said with a cough, but she just smirked.
‘Whatever. Here, mum told me to give you this in case it rains.’ She held up her hand and realised that she was holding a small black umbrella.
‘Oh. Thanks.’ I took the umbrella from her and waited for her to leave, but she just stared at me. ‘Umm…you can go now Ashley.’
She shook her head slightly and then gestured at my clothes. ‘You…you look like a girl in those clothes.’
‘What?’ I blushed happily and looked away. ‘No I don’t.’
‘You do!’ She reached out to touch my face but I bounced away. ‘Why do you look so girly? It’s weird.’
‘W-what? No it’s not.’ I swallowed nervously and looked away from her, my heart starting to beat faster.
‘It is.’ She tugged at her shirt sleeve and ran her eyes over my upper body. ‘I was thinking before when you almost ran into me about how small you are. When I grabbed your shoulders they were tiny, and you’re so slim.’
‘So?’
‘So, it’s not normal! Even Jason is larger than you.’
‘W-well, that’s because he’s started puberty. I haven’t.’
‘But you’ve changed.’ She said sharply as her eyes widened. ‘You’re not as short as you were last year, and your body’s more…slim and…and…curvy…’
I cried out in surprise as she lunged at me, her hands trying to grab my sides. I ducked under them and jumped onto my bed, holding the umbrella out in front of me and shaking badly.
Oh god. She’d noticed the changes!
But that was impossible! Not even mum had noticed and she spent far more time with me than Ashley did. What was going on? Just because she touched my shoulders she realised how feminine my body was? No…she was just guessing, but if I let her touch me then she’d figure it out! Especially if she touched my chest.
‘Stay away!’ I pointed the umbrella at her as she walked over to the bed, and she stopped with confused smile.
‘Why are you so defensive? I’m not trying to hurt you, I just want to feel your ches-’
‘Umm…’ a soft voice said and we both turned to see Jason standing in the doorway, looking confused. ‘What’s going on?’
Oh, thank god. A distraction!
‘Nothing.’ I jumped off the bed and ran behind him. ‘Is it time to leave for school?’
‘Uh, yes.’ He looked back at me and then at Ashley. ‘Are you both ready to go?’
‘Let me grab my bag.’ Ashley said and slowly walked out of my room, giving me a weird look as she did so. ‘We’ll…talk about this later.’
‘No we won’t.’ I said and made sure Jason was in front of me as she walked down the hallway.
‘We’ll see about that.’ She smiled crookedly and then disappeared into the living room.
I scowled after her and then took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down. This was really bad. If Ashley figured out that my body was female then it wouldn’t be too long before she realised I’d been taking her hormones and there was no way she wouldn’t tell dad about that. And when that happened then I was screwed. I needed to start avoiding her as much as possible, or at least wear more sets of clothes to disguise my body’s shape more. Maybe she’d even forget about it if I just stayed out of her way for a while…
‘What was that about?’ Jason asked and I shook my head.
‘Nothing good.’ I muttered darkly and followed him down the hallway, feeling sick.
Today definitely hadn’t started off well.
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Ashley, Jason and I all went to the same school, Rise Grammar. It was a large senior school near the very heart of our city, situated on a small rise overlooking the café district of town. It was quite old now and had been in the middle of renovations for the past two years, which had been causing quite a lot of chaos. Currently, an entire block of old art classrooms were being demolished along with a gymnasium. New classrooms were being built at the very back of the school as well, and I’d heard rumours that we might actually be getting a pool soon. Construction workers were a common sight walking amongst the students, and the awful sound of drills and saws endlessly droned on like horrible background music to a bad video game.
Dad had gone to Rise when he was younger and had loved his time there, telling anyone who’d listen about how he’d been a school leader and captain of the football team, leading them to victory three years in a row before he’d injured his arm. He wanted his kids to have a similar experience and as such had enrolled us in it as soon as we were of age. Ashley was now a year eleven student while Jason and I were both in year nine, but in separate classes.
It was a twenty minute walk from our house to the school, and Ashley went ahead of us so she could meet with a friend who lived nearby. Jason and I walked together, occasionally talking about various video games we were playing, but mostly staying silent. I wasn’t in the mood to talk, too anxious about what had happened with Ashley, and Jason had never been much of a talker anyway. We fell into a familiar comfortable silence and made our way to school, each lost in our own thoughts.
The main entrance to school was at the end of a street full of small clothing stores and busy cafes, some of which had delicious scents wafting out of them. My stomach grumbled as we walked past one that was selling fresh cupcakes and I slowed down, remembering that I hadn’t had breakfast yet. A cupcake and a bottle of coke seemed amazing right now. Just what I needed to cheer me up!
‘Hey, Jason.’ I said and stopped in front of the café, which was called “Heart pastries”. ‘I’m going to grab something to eat. Did you want anything?’
‘I’m not hungry.’ he said and looked disapprovingly at me. ‘And you’re going to be late if you go in there.’
‘It’ll be fine. You want to join me?’ I asked hopefully, not too comfortable with being in stores by myself. ‘I’ll buy you a coke or something.’
‘No. I’m going to go to school.’ he said and started walking off. ‘See you later.’
‘Bye.’ I scowled at him as he left, knowing he hadn’t meant to come off as judgemental but still feeling annoyed. He could be annoyingly correct sometimes.
I sighed and walked into the café, which was packed full of other students from Rise, as well as a few adults. Its interior was a calming light blue and petite white chairs and tables were arranged in a large circle in the centre. Waitresses dressed in cheery blue outfits bustled about serving the various customers while a woman behind the serving area called out coffee orders over the chorus of excited voices coming from the customers.
My eyes lit up as I saw the cupcakes that smelt so good, large pink and black ones sitting on a platter at the end of the serving area, and I eagerly slipped through the bustling seating area to reach it. One of the good things about being small and slim was that it made it easy to move through crowd, and barely anyone noticed you.
I grinned as I reached the cupcakes but as I went to grab one my attention was drawn to the colourful array of pastries displayed underneath the service area, behind a long glass barrier. To my delight all of them were themed after various cute animals, from cupcakes with monkey faces, tiger vanilla slices and ladybug doughnuts. What really caught my attention though were a collection of large chocolate-chip cookies that had cat ears and whiskers on them. Kitten cookies!
Oh my god. I needed them. I’d buy two for me and two for mum. She’d love them!
I went over to the counter and leant on my toes so I’d be more noticeable, and after a few seconds the lady working the coffee machine came over with a smile. I excitedly ordered four of the cookies and a bottle of coke, then dug my wallet out of my pocket to order. Mum gave us fifty dollars every Monday so we could buy food from the school’s canteen, and because I didn’t eat much I usually had money left over. As such, there was just over two hundred dollars of random notes in my wallet last I’d counted, and so many coins that I’d started storing them in a piggy bank in my room. For a while now I’d been trying to think of something big to buy with the money but nothing had come to mind. I’d initially wanted to buy some girls clothes but mum was in and out of my room every day, either to wash my clothes or just to talk, so there was no way I’d be able to hide anything clothing-related from her. And I constantly borrowed video games and comics from Jason so I didn’t need anything in that regard. At the moment it was fine to just have the money as a safety net in case I really needed it.
The woman handed over the cookies in a small brown bag and I took them off of her with a huge smile, and then slowly walked around the seating area. I probably did need to get a move on before school started but there were still a lot of students from school inside the café, and if they weren’t worried about being late then why should I? I wanted to enjoy the taste of the cookies as I walked to school, not scarf them down as I hurried to class.
I slipped one of them out of the bag and grinned as the sweet scent of its icing met my nose, and I couldn’t stop myself from immediately chomping down on it. Only on one of the ears though, as I didn’t want to ruin the kitten’s cute face yet. The delicious taste of chocolate icing and moist cookie consumed my mouth and I let out a delighted moan, followed by an involuntary squeaking sound as I chewed on it. It was amazing! I don’t know if it was just because I was so hungry, but it tasted better than any-
‘Oh my god.’ A delighted girl’s voice said and I flinched, tearing my eyes off of the cookie and seeing a tall girl standing a few feet away. She looked to be around Ashley’s age and was also dressed in the school’s sports uniform, although she was wearing a pair of knee-length compression leggings instead of the usual pants. ‘You’re perfect!’
‘Hhu?’ I said through the mouthful of kitten cookie, utterly confused. Was she talking to me?
‘What’s your name sweetie?’ she asked, stepping over and staring down at me with her wide blue eyes. She had long black hair that was layered and brushed over her right side so that it emphasized her heart-shaped face and olive complexion. A thick pink scarf was neatly wrapped around her neck and there were little black kittens adorning the ends of it, which caught my attention for probably longer than they should have. I quickly swallowed the mouthful of cookies and shook my head slightly.
‘Um...I’m Alex.’ I said and focused on her face, which was very beautiful. Her eyes were large and deep, her lips full and pink, and her nose and cheekbones sharp and well-defined. She was wearing some slight make-up too, enhancing her eyelashes and making her lips shine.
‘Hi Alex!’ She offered me her hand and beamed. ‘My names Jen. It’s nice to meet you!’
‘Uh…’ I looked at the hand for a moment before awkwardly grabbing it. ‘Hi.’
‘I’ve never seen you around before.’ She said as she shook my hand, engulfing it in pleasant warmth. ‘Is this your first day at Rise?’
‘Oh, no, I’ve been going here for years.’
‘Really?’ she looked me over with an intense gaze. ‘What year are you in?’
‘Year nine.’
‘So you’re fifteen! That’s great!’ she said with such enthusiasm that I was taken aback for a moment.
‘Umm…n-no, I’m thirteen.’ I blushed and decided to add to that. ‘I turn fourteen next month though!’
‘Ah! Well, that’s still fine!’ she grinned and squeezed my hand. ‘You’re ridiculously adorably, Alex. Once of the cutest girls I’ve seen at our school before. And you’re not even wearing make-up or doing anything with your hair!’
‘W-what?’ I turned bright red and wondered if she was joking, but her expression was now serious.
‘Have you ever thought about working as a waitress?’
I blinked. ‘Huh?’
Her eyes shone excitedly and she squeezed my hand even tighter. ‘My sister and I are opening a café next week and we need cute girls just like you to work for us! I think…let me just…’ she patted her tights and jumper, then scowled. ‘Dammit! I don’t have any flyers on me, but I can get you one tomorrow. Is that okay?’
‘I…yeah?’
‘Thanks!’ she beamed and I blushed. She was so friendly! ‘So, one of the girls who was going to work had to drop out, so I’ve been looking for a replacement and I think you’d be perfect! Have y-’
‘Jen!' another girl from our school shouted from a table a few feet away. She was shorter than Jen and was wearing the usual school uniform. ‘Get over here!’
‘What? I’m busy!’ jen shouted back, her pleasant demeanour fading for a moment.
‘I don’t care!’ the girl said, brushing her red hair behind her large ears. ‘We only have like two minutes before school starts and if you don’t finish this biology homework then Park’s giving you a detention. Again.’
‘Aww shit!’ Jen’s brow furrowed and she looked back at me, biting her bottom lip. ‘Crap! Okay! I need to go take care of something. Is that okay?’
‘That’s fine!’ I said in relief. There was no way I could be a waitress so this conversation, while really nice, was pointless. I’d been dreading the moment where I had to tell her that I was a boy.
‘So you’re in year nine, right?’ she asked quickly. ‘Your lockers are in the lobby of the IT building?’
‘Yes, b-’
‘I’ll meet you there at recess then! I might even have a flyer in my locker, which would be great!’
‘Hold on, I-’
‘I’ll see you soon then!’ she said and smiled widely. ‘Bye Alex!’
‘B-bye.’ I said and watched as she jogged over to her friend and dropped down onto the table. She looked back at me with a smile before hunching down and staring at a piece of paper her friend slipped over to her. ‘Crap…’
I was going to have to avoid her for the rest of the day, which wasn’t going to be. I’d probably have to avoid her for the rest of the week too! Urgh…
I’d love to be a waitress though…wearing a cute skirt and top, taking peoples orders and getting their food for them, with everyone treating me as a girl. It’d be amazing! But when Jen found out that I was a boy then she’d probably be disgusted like most people were, or just disappointed. Either way she wouldn’t let me work with her, and if she somehow did then there was no way mum or dad would be okay with it. It’d be insane for me to even bring it up with them! They’d figure out I wanted to be a girl immediately and I couldn’t let that happen.
Still…
‘She’d called me cute.’ I said and bounced happily out of the café’s entrance. ‘And ridiculously adorable! Hee!’
I took another bite of the cookie and lost myself in imaginations of being a waitress as I walked along the emptying street. If I somehow was able to work as a waitress then I’d get mum to cut my hair really fancy, with a cute fringe and layers too maybe. And I’d tie it back in a ponytail and wear a red headband! And I could get my ears pierced! Oh god! I’d always wanted to get my ears pierced! Maybe I could g-
‘Hey there, faggot.’ a horrifyingly familiar voice said and I cried out a large hand grabbed the back of my shoulder. ‘Let’s talk for a moment.’
To be continued...
Note: Thankyou for reading! I hope this chapter was as good as the last, because I was very surprised and pleased with the reception it got :D I'm really enjoying writing this story. If there were any problems with this chapter let me know so I can fix them :) I want this story to be as good as possible.
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Author's note: So, this chapter has a bit of violence but I tried to sweep through it so it wouldn't make some people uncomfortable. Sorry if it does though. I was in a lot of fights as a kid and I've gotten a bit desensitized to it.
And just two quick notes: The story is set in Australia, and over here our Liberal party is the same as the American Republican party.
Also, some characters mention the safe schools program, which does exist too! But, as will be obvious, certain character have no real idea what it's about.
Thankyou for reading! Comments and Kudos are, as always, appreciated!
I spun around to see Tom standing behind me, holding a can of coke in one hand and a piece of paper in the other. He was very handsome, with long coal-black hair that he kept pushed back behind his ears to show off a slight widow’s peak. A smattering of facial hair covered his top lip and bold chin, and a brown birth mark ran down the right side of his forehead like a paint smudge. He looked amazing when he smiled, his dark eyes glowing with a welcoming warmth that made him look like a model straight out of a men’s fashion magazine.
I hated his smile.
I stared warily at him as he let go of my shoulder, trying my best not to scowl. He had a hair-trigger temper and I’d been on the receiving end of his anger more times that I could count. Why did he have to be here now, of all times? I’d been so happy daydreaming about being a waitress and eating my kitten cookies…
‘What do you want?’ I asked, looking around the street to see if we were alone. We weren’t, thank god. A few Rise students were hurrying past us to get to the school’s entrance and some adults were coming and going from the cafes around us. I should be safe for the moment.
‘I just want to talk, like I said.’ He smiled and looked up at the overcast sky, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. ‘It’s such a wonderful morning, isn’t it? I didn’t expect it to be so good when I woke up, but just…wow.’
‘Uh, what?’ A sharp gust of wind blew my hair over my face and I stared at him in confusion. ‘It’s a horrible day.’
‘Oh, I’m not talking about the weather Lexy,’ He laughed, his own hair slightly messed up from the wind. ‘I’m talking about this.’
He waved the paper in my face and I caught a glimpse of writing in a large, angry red font.
‘What is that?’
‘Oh! You haven’t seen it then?’ He grinned. ‘Some guy gave it to me when I was walking past the mall. It’s so strange that you haven’t seen it yet, considering that it involves a certain loveable member of your family.’
‘W-what?’ I went to grab it again but he pulled it away, his eyes wide with amusement. ‘Stop it! What is it?’
‘Ohh, alright then. If you insist.’ He rolled his eyes and then smiled sharply. ‘You ready for this? It’s a “call to arms” from your grandpa, so to speak,’ His smiled widened as my stomach clenched. Grandpa? Oh god. ‘Apparently he’s not happy that the Safe School’s program is going ahead over here and wants to stop it. Imagine that!’
I swallowed and my grip on the bag of cookies tightened. Grandpa was mum’s dad and the liberal representative for my town’s district. He was…not a good person. He was always organizing rallies against things he didn’t like and funnelling his considerable finances into groups who supported the same things he did. He hated marriage equality, had succeeded in shutting down the only abortion clinic in our city, tried to make schools teach creationism instead of science, and had cut funding to almost all of the homelessness and welfare programs in the area he knew about. And those were just the things he’d done in the last five years…
He was a relic of the past that refused to just go away and die. It was a nightmare whenever he visited us, as all he did was point out every single thing he thought was wrong with dad, Jason, Ashely and I in painfully vivid detail. He went on and on about how he was embarrassed to have us as his grandchildren and “joked” to mum that she needed to get pregnant again so he could have a proper heir, whatever that meant. I tried not to pay much attention to what grandpa said as it was all angry, hateful stuff that made me miserable.
‘What’s the safe schools program?’ I asked hesitantly, knowing I wasn’t going to like the answer. It sounded vaguely familiar…
‘The safe schools program? You don’t know it?’ Tom raised his eyebrows in mock concern. ‘Well, see, it’s this new program where a bunch of fag-lovers come into school and tell us how sad and misunderstood you all are, and they try to make people feel bad for you so we won’t beat you up.’
‘I’m not ga-’
‘They talk about trannies too, and how we should treat you all like “real” girls,’ His eyes shone as he looked down at the pamphlet. ‘And that really pissed off your grandpa, let me tell you! Here, I’ll read out what he wrote. Where was it…ah! “The government is trying to tell us that it’s okay for sick boys who think they’re girls to go into the girl’s bathroom and attend female-only events! The government is telling us to let these perverts do what they want, and to even support and encourage them! And just what are we supposed to do when one of these deviants inevitable rapes a real girl? Support them then too? No! Not on my watch! It’s time to do something about it!”’
Oh god…
My face burned and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from crying. I could easily imagine grandpa saying something like that, his thin face red with rage and disgust. He thought people like me were perverts, sexual deviants who just wanted to rape girls by pretending to be one so we could grab them when they were most vulnerable. It made me sick just thinking about it…and worse, dad thought like that too. I felt like I had this disgusting disease that I had to hide from them, like I was like a paedophile or something and couldn’t tell anyone because if I did they’d hate me forever, and maybe even kill me. I’d never heard mum say anything about transsexuals but considering that she’d grown up with grandpa I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what she thought.
A dull ache appeared in my chest and I grabbed it with my left hand, accidentally letting the bottle of coke slip out of my grasp and bounce into the street. I stared blankly at it and felt a tear escape from my eye and roll down cheek.
Oh no…I didn’t want to cry here…
‘Wow. Are you crying?’ Tom leered and I turned away from him, my bottom lip trembling. ‘Aww, don’t be like that! Do you want to see what else he says? He’s got some pretty interesting thoughts on pronouns too. Apparently he th-’
‘Shut up!’ I rubbed my eyes and started to walk away, shaking. ‘I don’t care!’
‘Oi! I’m still talking to you!’ he grabbed my shoulder again and violently spun me around, causing the bag of cookies to fly out of my hand.
I gasped in horror and tried to catch them but I was too slow and the bag fell onto the dirty pavement. Two cookies where thrown out of it and landed face-up next to a red mailbox, their happy kitten faces looking wildly out of place of the grey concrete.
‘No!’ I ran over to them and knelt down to see if I could salvage them. One of them I’d already started eating so it should be okay, and I could brush off the other one and it should be fine too. Just so long as I had two clean ones for mum then it was fine! We could have one each after dinner and wa-
‘Cat cookies? What the fuck,’ Tom laughed. ‘You really are a faggot, aren’t you?’
‘Go to hell!’ I snarled as I picked up the cookie I’d already started eating and inspected it. It loo-
‘Pathetic.’ Tom muttered and stomped down on the bag of cookies, then dragged his foot backwards to smear them all over the pavement. ‘I can’t even stand to look at them. God.’
...
…
The…mums…mums cookies…what…
Mums…
…
I stared blankly at the destroyed cookies and then up at Tom, who was smirking at me.
‘Why did you do that?’ My throat tightened and I slowly got to my feet, letting the cookie I was holding fall out of my hands and break on the pavement.
‘Their gayness offended me.’ He laughed and then stomped on the cookie I’d just dropped. ‘Dude, I know you look like a girl and all, but you’re not one, you know? You really ought to listen to your grandpa once in a wh-’
I stepped forward and punched him in the face as hard as I could.
He shouted in surprise and stepped back as blood spurted from his nose and hit my fist as I pulled it back. His can of coke and the awful piece of paper fell to the ground as he clamped his hands over his nose and stared at me in utter shock.
‘Y-you…you hit me!’ He rubbed his bloody hands on his white shirt and spat out a mouthful of blood as it streamed down his face. ‘What the hell!’
‘I hate you.’ I let out a shaky breath and stepped away from him, feeling sick. My whole body was shaking with anger and I couldn’t think straight, my thoughts a red mess of violence. I hadn’t even thought about punching Tom, it’d just happened. I was sick of him talking about grandpa and teasing me so meanly! I’d never done anything to him and he constantly harassed me like this just for fun! Screw him!
‘Oh, really? You hate me, huh?’ He straightened and balled his hands into fists, his face a mask of utter rage. ‘Well that’s nice, because I fucking hate you too!’
I swallowed and looked around, seeing that a few students were glancing at us as they hurried past, but they clearly didn’t want to get involved. The school’s melodic bell started to blare out in the distance and a few of them quickened their pace. Tom was looking around too, and when he heard the bells he frowned and focused on me with a sneer.
‘Come here.’ He grabbed my arm and began to drag me towards an alleyway between the café I’d just left and a bakery. ‘I want some privacy for this.’
‘No! Let me go!’ I dug my feet into the ground but he just tugged my arm and sent me staggering forward. ‘Stop it!’
‘Oh, shut up.’ He spat out another mouthful of blood.
He threw me forward and I went flying down the alley, where I smashed into the side of an old green dumpster. I threw out my arms to absorb the impact but a frayed piece of metal underneath the lid ripped into the base of my arm, and the impact of my body cased it to tear through my skin. I screamed in shock more than pain and collapsed to my knees, staring at the large gash in my arm. My jumper arm was ripped open and blood was already seeping out of my cut and staining it. Oh…oh god…
My anger evaporated in an instant as the pain began to grow worse and tears stung my eyes. The cut hurt so bad! And it was so long and deep, worse than I’d ever been cut before! I’d seen rust on the dumpster too! Was I g-
‘Ouch. That looks like it hurts.’ Tom stomped down on my knee and I screamed as a horribly uncomfortable pain shot through my leg. He knelt down and stared at me with cold, hate-filled eyes ‘But this is going to hurt a hell of a lot more, I promise you that.’
‘I’m sorr-’
‘Too late for that.’ He punched my knee and I screamed again as the awful pain got worse, and then it was magnified as he stomped down on my calf a couple of times.
‘S-stop!’ I sobbed and tried to push him away but he easily slapped my hands away.
‘Shut up.’ He punched me in the stomach and then grabbed my hair, using it to slam my head against the dumpster. ‘You know, I’ve beaten you up more times than I can count but I think this is the first time that you threw the first punch.’ He wiped his still-bleeding nose and smiled crazily. ‘I guess I should congratulate you! I really pissed you off today, huh faggot? I told you that it was a wonderful morning.’
A flash of anger rose through the pain and I snarled at him. ‘Shut up!’
‘But it was a pretty weak punch. I’d say you hit like a girl but that’d probably make you happy, huh?’ He stuck his face closer to mine and held my head in place by my hair. ‘It’d probably even make you hard, wouldn’t it you sick little fuck. No wonder your grandpa hates you. I feel dirty even touching you!’
‘Then let go!’ I whimpered and tried to push him away but the pain in my arm was getting worse and it wouldn’t move properly.
‘Naw. I need to show you how an actual man throws a punch first.’ Tom slammed my head back against the dumpster and curled his right hand into a tight fist. ‘Now watch closely. This is h-’
He grunted in surprise as a hand grabbed his fist and jerked him off of me with such force that he crashed backwards onto the ground and his head hit the pavement with a nasty thud. I looked at him in surprise and then up at my saviour. My heart leapt as I recognized her.
Jen was standing in front of me, her pretty face twisted with a hatred that went far beyond anything I’d ever seen before. Her hands were twitching with rage and her breathing was coming out hard and ragged, and when she spoke every syllable vibrated with venom.
‘What the fuck are you doing to her?’
To be continued
Note: Thankyou for reading! The next chapter will be far happier than this one! I promise.
The kitten cookies are gone for good though :( R.I.P.
Also, if you have a problem with the main characters views on certain political points then that's okay, but I really don't want to discuss or debate them. I've become so tired of arguing politics ever since Trump was elected. If you disagree with Alex then that's fine :)
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Authors note: Thankyou for reading! The reaction to my last chapter was so amazing that I made sure to get this one out right away ^_^ I hope you all enjoy it just as much!
Tom slowly sat up and rubbed the back of his head, an amused sneer on his bloody lips. He seemed completely unconcerned by Jen’s sudden appearance and I swallowed nervously. Would he attack her too? And if he did, would she be able to fight him off?
‘Well, that was annoying,’ he slowly got to his feet and brushed his hair out of his eyes. ‘Who the hell are you?’
Jen walked over to him and I realised that she was a head taller, and while her body was still feminine she was clearly stronger. ‘I asked you a question first.’
Tom rubbed the back of his head again. ‘You did? What was it?’
‘Why are you attacking her?’ She brushed her black hair behind her ears and scowled at him.
‘Her?’ He frowned at me and then grinned, making my stomach jolt. ‘Are you talking about Alex?’
‘You know who I’m talking about.’ Jen looked at me and concern flashed across her face. ‘Why did you hurt her?’
‘Well now, that’s an interesting question,’ Tom looked up at the sky for a moment before looking down and nodding to himself. ‘Why did I hurt her so badly, hmm? You know, I think it’s probably because she’s not a girl, you dumbass!’ Jen blinked and her eyes focused on my body while Tom smiled widely. ‘Yeah, that’s right. He’s a boy! He might look like a girl in that uniform, but trust me. He’s not.’
I flushed red and clutched at my bleeding arm, feeling disgust even through the pain. That jerk! Why couldn’t he have just told her that I’d punched him in the face? He…he knew how to hurt me so well…
‘Is that true?’ Jen asked sharply and I winced, then nodded slightly. There was no reason to lie when I was probably going to have to tell her anyway.
Her eyes widened and she took a step towards me, her mouth slightly ajar. An emotion I didn’t recognize ran across her face and then she turned bright red.
‘Oh shit,’ she breathed. ‘I…wow.’
Tom walked next to her and leered at me. ‘Yeah, pretty gross huh? He’s probably a tranny. You should see this pamphlet-’
She grabbed his face and slammed him against the alley wall, then pushed her face up against his. Her eyes were full of a cold rage, but there was a weird smile on her lips.
‘If you ever touch a hair on her head again then I’ll fucking kill you. You hear me?’
He stared at her in shock and grabbed her arm, but couldn’t pull her off of him. I heard him say something but it was muffled from Jen’s hand on his face. She frowned and squeezed with her hand, making him cry out in pain, then after a couple of seconds she let go and stepped back.
‘You crazy bitch!’ Tom gasped and rubbed his cheekbones, which were red. ‘That hurt!’
‘It was supposed to. Now get the hell out of here.’
He scowled and looked past her at me, then back at her. ‘Why the shit are you even defending him? Do you know him?’
‘Not as much as I’d like, but that’s going to change soon.’ She smiled back at me and I blinked. What did that mean?
Tom looked at her in confusion. ‘Why? Look at him. He’s a fucking faggot! What more do you need to know? Fuck him!’
She stepped towards him and he quickly stepped back. ‘I thought I just told you to leave.’
‘Shut the fu-’
He flinched as she lunged at him, her hands clenched into fists. She didn’t hit him but I could tell that she could have easily knocked him out, and he knew it too. He swallowed and looked at her for a moment, his hands twitching at his sides. For a second I thought he was actually going to take a swing at her, and she seemed to think so too as she tensed her body, but after a moment he let out a sharp breath and took another step back.
‘Fuck! God damn it!’ He angrily shook his head and looked up at her through his hair. ‘Why the hell are you so strong?’
‘I play a lot of basketball.’ she smirked.
‘Oh, well good for you,’ he sneered and then looked at me. ‘Fuck you Alex! Don’t you think this is over! We’ll finish this later today, asshole. See you at school.’
‘If you touch a hair on her he-’ Jen began but Tom cut through her.
‘Yeah yeah yeah. You’ll kill me, I know,’ He reached the end of the alley and smirked at her. ‘Good luck with that, bitch.’
He looked at me one last time and his smirk faded. His mouth twitched like he was about to say something but he decided against it and turned around to leave the alley.
And then…he was gone. I could scarcely believe it and held my breath for a moment, fully expecting him to reappear and charge at Jen, but when he didn’t I let out a huge sigh of relief and slumped back against the dumpster. Jen also turned from the alley entrance and knelt down next to me, her eyes once more full of concern.
‘Are you alright?’ she asked and looked me over, slowly pulling off the pink scarf around her neck.
I stared at her with wide eyes, an unfamiliar feeling gently squeezing at my chest. Nobody had ever saved me from Tom before! Everyone either watched or just pretended they hadn’t seen anything, while a rare few went to get a teacher. But Jen hadn’t! She’d put herself in harm’s way to save me. Me! Even after Tom told her that I was a boy. Why? Di-
‘Alex?’ she asked gently and I blinked. ‘Are you alright?’
‘You saved me!’ I blurted out. ‘T-thankyou!’
She beamed and gently patted my shoulder, her brown eyes shining behind her long lashes. ‘Saving cute little girls like you makes me feel like a badass heroine, so it’s all good.’
‘Huh?’ I stared at her in disbelief. She knew I was a boy but was calling me a girl. Why? The only people who had ever called me a girl were people who thought that I was one, or Dad when he was making fun of me. Was she making fun of me?
‘Now, let me have a look at your arm.’ Her expression darkened and she gently lifted up my cut arm, making me wince slightly. It was still quite sore but was starting to become numb. ‘How did it get cut?’
‘Oh, uh…Tom threw me into that,’ I looked at the dumpster, ‘and a piece of metal cut into it. Is it bad?’
She looked closely at the cut and grimaced. ‘Yes, but it’s not serious. We need to wrap it up and take you to the school nurse so it can be properly bandaged. Can you get your jumper off?’
‘Do I have to see the school nurse?’ I asked as I pulled my uninjured arm out of the jumper and used it to carefully free the bleeding one. Then I put the jumper over my shoulder and looked grimly at the bloody mess that was my right arm.
‘You do,’ Jen said seriously as she pulled off her scarf. ‘This cut needs to be cleaned and properly bandaged so it heals properly. Here, hold it steady for me.’
‘Ah!’ I gasped when I realised that she was going to use the scarf to bind the cut. ‘Don’t use your scarf. It’ll get blood all over it.’
‘That’s fine,’ she smiled and began to tightly wrap it around my arm. It hurt and I winced a bit but tried not to cry out. ‘I don’t really like it to be honest.’
‘Why not? It’s so cute…,’ I looked sadly at the black kittens and touched them, then rubbed the rest of the scarf. ‘And so soft and nice too. How can you not like it?’
‘Eh. Pink’s never been my colour,’ she finished wrapping my arm and tied the two ends into a tight knot, then smiled at me. ‘I think it’d really suit you though.’
I smiled but shook my head. ‘No, I couldn’t wear something like this.’
‘Why not?’ She looked at me in amusement. ‘I think you’d look adorable wearing it, sweetie.’
I swallowed and then looked away from her, suddenly feeling like crying. She was being so nice, even though she knew I was a boy. Did she know I was trans? Tom had said that he thought I was a tranny but people usually didn’t take him seriously when he said that, as it was a pretty common insult thrown at any boy who looked too feminine.
She had given me a weird look when she’d found out I was a boy though, and she’d still used female pronouns when referring to me after that. And I hadn’t corrected her, even in the café before…
I looked up at her smiling face and my throat swelled. She must have guessed that I was actually trans! And she was still being nice to me! She didn’t think I was gross or disgusting or anything bad! She was treating me like a girl! Just…just like I’d always wanted…
‘Oh! Alex! What’s wrong?’ She stared at me in surprise as tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
‘You’re r-really ni-nice!’ I sobbed and rubbed my eyes, trying to get control of myself.
‘That’s no reason to cry!’ Her cheeks turned red and she reached out to softly pat me on the head, making me squeak in surprise. ‘Oh my god, you’re so cute! Come here!’
I gasped as she pulled me into her chest and wrapped her arms around me, just tight enough for me to feel snug and secure without feeling trapped. I reflectively put my arms around her chest and squashed myself against her like I did with mum, although a completely different feeling ran through me as I did so. It was a strange, light feeling in my stomach that made me shiver slightly and I hugged her even tighter, my body feeling warmer than normal.
‘It’s okay sweetie,’ she rubbed my back and smiled warmly down at me. ‘Don’t cry!’
‘I’m s-sorry.’ I sniffed and tried to get control of myself, something that was made easier by the distracting sensations her body was sending through mine.
‘Don’t be sorry,’ she smiled down at me. ‘It must have been really scary, being attacked like that.’
I squeaked and shook my head. ‘It wasn’t scary. I’m used to it by now.’
Her body stiffened and she pushed me off her a bit to stare seriously into my eyes. ‘You shouldn’t be used to it! How often does he attack you?’
‘Umm…a few times a week, but…not usually this bad,’ I looked at my scarf-wrapped arm and shivered. ‘He usually just hits me in the chest or stomach so there’s only bruises that nobody can see.’
Her hands tightened on my shoulders as her eyes darkened, making me uncomfortable. ‘Have you told anyone about this? Do the teachers at school know? Or your parents?’
I really didn’t want to answer that so didn’t talk for a moment, hoping she’d stop looking at me so intently. She didn’t though and I swallowed, knowing I was going to have to answer.
‘Well, my parents know that I’m bullied but, not how badly,’ Just like my breasts, I hid my bruises as if my life depended on it. ‘And some of the teachers at school know but Tom’s really good at lying, and if I tell on him he…hurts me more so…so I don’t.’
Jen breathed out and then slowly pushed my hair behind my ears, making me blush. ‘This isn’t good, sweetie. He can’t keep hurting you like this.’
‘It’s fine, I-’
‘No, it’s not fine at all,’ she put her hands on the sides of my face and gently caressed my cheek, looking deep into my eyes. ‘Nobody should be attacked like that, especially someone like you. It makes me sick to think of your pretty little body covered in bruises from that asshole.’
‘O-oh.’ I turned even redder and the unfamiliar feeling squeezed at my chest again.
Ahh…I really liked Jen…
‘I’ll…see if I can help. My sister…yeah,’ she rubbed my cheeks again before smiling and letting go. ‘But, that can happen later. If you’re up to it we should be getting to school. Your arm needs to be looked at as soon as possible.’
‘Okay…’ I felt a rush of sadness as she removed her hands from my face and almost went out to grab them again, but stopped myself. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.
I regretfully let go of her and began to get to my feet, but as soon as I put weight on the leg Tom had attacked an awful pain ripped through it, centring on my knee and calf, and I immediately collapsed onto the ground. I gasped painfully and pulled up my pants to see an array of awful-looking purplish bruises lining my leg.
‘Oh no,’ Jen growled when she saw the bruises. ‘Did that boy attack your leg too?’
I nodded through a groan. ‘He stomped on it an-and punched it! Is it broken?’
‘If it was then it’d have hurt before you put pressure on it.’ She leant down closer to inspect it and touched my kneecap, making me yelp in pain. ‘Hm. I think your kneecap was dislocated, but it’s back where it should be now.’
‘Dislocated? That sounds really bad!’
‘It’s back where it should be so it’s fine. It’ll hurt for a few days but it’s not serious,’ she frowned and scratched her chin. ‘I could be wrong though. We need to get you to the school nurse right away.’
‘I don’t think I can wal-’ I cut myself off as the most amazing thought exploded into my mind and drowned in its joyful light.
I couldn’t play sports with my leg like this!
And I’d probably be allowed to go home early! And maybe even get to stay home for a day or two because I couldn’t walk to school! AH! This was amazing! Hah! HAH! Screw you Tom! You thought you’d hurt me but you gave me exactly what I wanted! Hahahahah-
‘Uhh…what are you looking so happy about?’ Jen’s voice cut through my joy and I blushed guiltily.
‘I-I’ll probably have to go home today to recover.’ I couldn’t stop myself from grinning, despite the pain. ‘Which means that I get to miss out on all of my classes for the day! And maybe even tomorrow too!’
‘Ohh. Yes,’ she laughed and ruffled my hair. ‘Probably don’t say that around your parents or any teachers though.’
‘Mm! I won’t.’
She nodded and then looked me over. ‘Anyway, we need to get going and you shouldn’t be walking on that leg. Come on, I’ll give you a piggyback.’
I blushed and scratched the back of my head. I really liked the idea of getting a piggyback from her, but I’d get laughed at if other students it. And I should try and be strong and deal with the pain!
‘Oh, no, it’s okay. School’s not too far so I c-’
‘No. You can’t walk on that leg,’ she swivelled around so her back was to me and her hands reached out. ‘Hop on.’
‘But I-’
‘Alex.’ Her voice became sterner. ‘I’m not letting you walk to school like that. Hop on.’
I swallowed and carefully slid towards her. ‘Alright. Uh…’
She leant back a bit so I could reach out and grab her shoulders, and then leant forward so I could more easily pull myself up. I put my legs against her waist and she slipped her arms under my knees, then slowly stood up.
‘There we go.’ She looked back at me and smiled. ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’
I shook my head and leant forward more. Her back was soft and squishy, but I could feel the strength of her muscles through it. ‘You’re really strong!’
‘I am, but you’re pretty light.’ She turned back to the front and began walking out of the alley. Her hips moved more than I expected and I wrapped my arms around her neck to stay steady, making her gasp. ‘Ah! Not so tight.’
‘Sorry!’ I quickly released my arms and squashed up against her back, feeling stupid. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine. Just try not to strangle…oh.’ She stopped in the middle of a laugh and stopped walking.
‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, and when she didn’t reply I pushed myself harder against her to see her face. ‘Are you okay? Did I hurt you?’
‘Alex.’ She looked back at me and her expression was scarily serious. ‘Can I…ask you something?’
I swallowed. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Are you on hormones?’
I froze. Why was she suddenly asking me that for? ‘Hormones? What do you mean?’
She bit her bottom lip. ‘Well, I can feel a set of small boobs squashed up against my back and…yeah. That boy kept calling you a bo-’
‘Gah!’ I pushed myself off of her back as my heart began to beat through my chest. I didn’t think she’d be able to feel my breasts against her back! I was an idiot! Crap crap crap! Even if she knew I was trans I didn’t want her knowing that I was on hormones. Nobody was supposed to know about that! ‘I don’t know what you’re t-talking about.’
‘You are trans, aren’t you?’ Her eyes bored into mine. ‘I thought you might be but I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to be rude and ask but…I didn’t think you’d be on hormones! I’m so luc-’
‘I’m not!’ I tried to wriggle off of her back but she wouldn’t let go of my legs, which was probably a good thing considering that I couldn’t stand on my own. ‘You’re just feeling weird things.’
‘I’m not, trust me. I know what boobs feel like,’ her eyes sparkled as she laughed in delight. ‘Ohh! There’s no way I’m going to take no for an answer now, sweetie. I need you.’
I swallowed. ‘F-for what?’
‘My sisters café, of course. You’re going to be our final waitress.’
My heart leapt painfully. She still wanted me to do that, even knowing I was trans? That was amazing, but…it was impossible. Not with my family.
‘I can’t do-’
‘I just said that I wouldn’t take no for an answer,’ she grinned and started moving again, making he wrap my arms back around her shoulders. ‘But I should probably give your more information, huh?’
I stared at her and just nodded, not sure what else to do.
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Authors note: Sorry for the delay! I hope this chapter is just as good as the previous ones ^_^ I've been getting sick lately so I hope this chapter hasn't suffered. It just started getting cold over here and my body despises weather changes. I've been sniffling for days and my fingers are all cold and miserable. Luckily I have a purring kitten to warm them up with :D
Hopefully the next chapter will come out sooner than this one. I struggled a bit with getting this one right, I hope it doesn't show.
As always, comments and kudos and the like are very much appreciated <3 <3
Rise Grammar was surrounded by a large red-brick wall that ensured the students privacy, and the front entrance was signified by a silver gate. Rows of ancient oaks and small bushes were set between the wall and the front plaza, and as we passed through them Jen looked up at me and grinned.
‘So!’ she squeezed my legs and bounced forward a bit, scaring off a flock of sparrows sitting in a berry bush. ‘There’s not enough time for me to run you through everything about the café right now, so I’ll just go over the main things. Have you ever seen a maid café before?’
I dragged my attention away from the fleeing sparrows and looked at her in surprise. ‘I have! When I was younger mum took me to one in Melbourne.’
‘What did you think?’
I thought back and then gasped. ‘It was amazing! All of waitresses were super friendly and really pretty too! They were dressed in these special maid outfits that were so cute and frilly, and one of the women even let me feel the ribbon on her back. It was so silky and smooth! And she sat with us while we had our cake too and showed us pictures of her new kittens! They were all so fluffy and snuggly and cute!’
I beamed at the memory and wriggled happily on Jen’s back, accidentally stretching my leg out. Pain immediately ran through it and I yelped, quickly curling it back under me. Agh! What the hell was I doing?
‘Careful!’ Jen laughed and adjusted my position on my back as I turned bright red. ‘I take it you really enjoyed yourself at the café then, huh?’
‘I-I did.’ I rubbed my cheeks and looked at her. ‘Is your café is going to be like that one?’
‘Hopefully!’ She smiled widely. ‘Your reaction is pretty much exactly how we want our customers to feel. Happy, comfortable and full of nice memories. You’re in the age group we’re aiming for, actually, so it’s really good that you had that experience. We want the café to be for schoolgirls and women, so-’
‘Shouldn’t you get actual waitresses to work there then?’ I blurted out, remembering how confident and friendly the women who’d sat with mum and I was. ‘I don’t know how to serve people or make them happy and comfortable. I’m really bad with stuff like that…’
‘Aww, don’t say that sweetie. I’d love to be served by you.’ Her eyes sparkled and she squeezed my legs again. ‘Especially if you were wearing a cute maid’s outfit.’
My heart skipped a beat and I turned bright red as a delighted feeling ran through my stomach. She really wanted to see me wearing a cute maid’s outfit? Nobody had ever wanted to see me wearing girl’s clothes before!
I looked up at the sky and imagined myself dressed up in a maid’s uniform, one similar to the outfits the waitresses at the maid café I’d gone to had worn. Their uniform had been comprised of a black dress with white stockings and lace, complete with a beautiful pink bow, a pretty apron and black slightly-heeled Mary-Jane shoes. I blushed happily at the image that appeared in my head and almost wriggled about happily again before remembering what had happened last time.
Augh! It would be so amazing to actually wear a uniform like that! Especially since I’d never been able to dress as a girl before, at least not properly anyway. I’d tried on some of mum and Ashley’s clothes a few times but they were always so big that I felt stupid in them. Wearing them didn’t feel like wearing girls clothes; it felt like I was a little kid playing dress-up. Not an actual girl wearing girl’s clothes. Not…normal. It made me feel even more like a boy and I’d stopped trying to wear them years ago.
If Jen’s café actually had a maid’s uniform that would fit me…and it was really cute…then I needed to try it on! I might never get the opportunity to do something like this again, especially at this time in my life when my body mostly female. I couldn’t waste this opportunity!
‘Uhm…’ I clenched at Jen’s shoulders and swallowed. ‘Can…can I see the uniform?’
Her face immediately lit up. ‘Yes! I don’t have any pictures on me, but I was thinking, why don’t you come down and see the café tomorrow after school? It’s really close to here, just across from the mall. Sis will be there too so you can meet here and she’ll explain everything for you.’
I thought about that for a moment. Seeing the café couldn’t hurt, could it? It’d make it harder to tell Jen that I couldn’t do it, but that’d be a small price to pay for being able to dress as a girl.
‘Okay! If my leg’s better then I’d love to see the café.’
‘Great!’ Jen’s eyes burned with excitement and her movements became bouncier, forcing me hold on tighter. ‘You’re going to love it when you see it, trust me. Sis bought the place six months ago and has been working non-stop to make it perfect, and she’s done such an amazing job. It’s so warm and inviting inside, while still being fancy and elegant. I can’t wait to see what it looks like with customers inside!’
I smiled at her and then looked up as we left the rows of oak trees and entered the school’s gigantic plaza. It was always full of people and today was no exception, with students and a few teachers sitting on the various benches around the area and talking to each other. The school’s admin building was to the left of the plaza, a gigantic three-story tall black building that currently had a group of constructions workers out front. They were listening to a short female teacher as she gestured about unhappily, and a few students were looking at her in amusement and mimicking her arm movements. On the other side of the plaza was one of the schools ovals, a smallish one that had a year seven class on it preparing to play a game of field hockey. The school’s wall could be seen just beyond it, shrouded in neatly-trimmed hedges, and I could just see the groundskeeper heading towards them.
The rest of the school rose up in the distance, a massive cluster of similar black and silver classrooms with the IT building and library rearing up above everything else. Just behind them I could see the arm of some piece of construction equipment, and the distant roar of machinery could be faintly heard. I wondered briefly if they were destroying something or building a new classroom.
The nurses offices were just behind the admin building and Jen headed that way, following a path leading off from the plaza surrounded by neatly tended garden beds. The offices themselves were nestled between a small music studio and the councillor’s office, and as we approached we could hear the sounds of someone very talented playing “Moonlight Sonata” on a piano. Jen slowed down for a moment and I saw her smile somewhat sadly as she listened to the song, but before I could comment on it she shook herself and continued on to the offices.
‘Alright,’ she stopped in front of the wooden door that had “Nurses Offices” proudly engraved on a metal place set into it. ‘We’re not going to fit with you up there. Are you right to get down?’
I nodded and she gently lowered me down on the ground, and put her arm under my shoulder so I wouldn’t have to put any weight on my injured leg. The effort of keeping it held up off the ground made it ache even more but I didn’t want to complain so just smiled when she asked if I was okay. She nodded and went to open the door, but before she could it swung open and a dark-haired girl stormed out, nearly knocked us over in her anger. She stopped just in time and when she saw Jen her face broke into a surprised smile.
‘Oh my god! Jen!’ she brushed her sprawling back hair behind her ears and I saw that she had a rather attractive face, but her blue eyes and small nose were a dark red from crying. ‘Did you come to see me? Did Jess tell you what happened?’
Jen’s eyebrows rose and she looked at the girl in concern. ‘No, I didn’t know you were here. Are you okay?’
‘No! That bitch Andrea told everyone that Jess and I slept together at th-huh?’ she suddenly noticed me and her face immediately darkened. ‘Who the hell’s this?’
‘Umm…’ I swallowed and clutched just a little bit tighter to Jen’s waist. ‘I’m Alex. Who are you?’
She stared at me for a moment and then looked at Jen. ‘Why are you with her?’
‘She hurt her leg so I’m taking her to see the nurse.’ Jen frowned slightly and looked at me. ‘And Alex, this is Anya. She’s a…friend of mine.’
‘What? Just a friend?’ Anya smirked. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. Just a friend.’ Jen said each word slowly and Anya’s expression darkened even more.
‘Seriously? But y-ugh! Whatever!’ she angrily ran her hands through her hair and grabbed Jen’s free hand. ‘Can we go somewhere private and talk? I really need to talk to you!’
Jen pulled her hand out of Anya’s and grimaced. ‘I need to take Alex to the nurses.’
‘So what? You’re already at the nurses!’ She put her hands on her hips and looked down at me. ‘You can go in by yourself, can’t you little girl?’
‘I…yeah, I can.’ If it meant getting away from this awful girl then I’d crawl on one leg the nurses if I had to.
Jen, however, increased her hold on my arm and shook her head. ‘She’s not going in by herself. I need to talk her about something.’
‘About what?’ Anya sounded disgusted and I scowled at her. What the hell was her problem?
Jen sighed heavily and looked at Anya with hard eyes. ‘Nothing that concerns you. Look…we’ll talk at recess, okay? I nee-’
‘We’ve got basketball practice at recess though, and there’s no way that bitch Ashley will let us talk during it.’ Anya grabbed Jen’s hand again and looked desperately up at her. ‘Please! I need to talk to you now. It’s important.’
‘Ashley?’ I looked at her in surprise. Did she mean my sister Ashley? She and Jen were definitely old enough to be in the senior basketball team, and that was what Ashley captained.
‘Just-stop grabbing me!’ Jen snapped just as I spoke, and she once again tore her hand out of Anya’s grip. ‘Jesus Anya, calm down. What’s going on?’
‘I can’t say here! It’s personal!’ she shot me a hateful look and then looked pleadingly at Jen. ‘Jen, please…’
‘At recess,’ Jen’s eyes hardened and she took a step forward. ‘Now please get out of the way. I need to take Alex so see a nurse now.’
Anya’s eyes widened in shock and she looked like she was about to start crying again, but then pure hatred covered her face and she shoved her way past Jen.
‘You know what? Fuck you!’ she snarled, her voice starting to break. ‘You’re just as bad as everyone else! I wish I’d died instead of meeting you! Fuck you! I hate you!’
‘Anya! Don’t be-’
‘FUCK YOU!’ she screamed and ran off down the path, giving us one last hate-filled look before disappearing around the corner.
Jen looked after her with a look of pained surprise and swore under her breath. I gazed uncertainly at her and then tugged on her arm, not liking how upset she appeared to be.
‘Um…are you okay?’ I asked and she blinked, then look at me in surprise.
‘Sorry. I’m okay, don’t worry,’ she lifted a shoulder and let it drop back down slowly. ‘I’ll talk to her at recess and try to smooth things over. It’ll be fine.’
‘Why was she so angry?’
Jen’s lips tightened for a moment. ‘We used to date and it…it didn’t end well.’
‘Oh!’ I was surprised that Jen would so casually tell me that she was a lesbian, but even more surprised that she’d actually dated someone as seemingly unpleasant as Anya. ‘What happened?’
She rubbed her forehead tiredly and looked down at the ground for a moment. ‘I made a mistake and uh…and…well-’
‘Ah! Sorry! You don’t have to tell me!’ I said quickly, realising that I might have overstepped my bounds. I’d only known Jen for like twenty minutes; I really shouldn’t be asking her such personal questions.
She smiled and gently pushed me forward. ‘I don’t mind talking about it, but we should really get you looked at by a nurse before anything else.’
‘Mm! Okay.’ I was more than fine with not talking about Anya ever again.
I hopped forward and let her guide me through the door, trusting her strength more than my own. The sounds of Moonlight Sonata were cut off as soon as the door shut and a slight droning took its place, mixed in with the soft beeping coming from the computer behind reception. A line of comfortable grey chairs sat along the back of the room, behind a coffee table covered in health pamphlets, and the small reception desk was at the front. Two hallways were on either side of the reception, with the left one leading to the rooms containing beds for students to rest, and the right one containing the examination rooms and storage areas.
A nurse came down from reception just as we entered, and after I lied about having fallen over she quickly took me into an examination room and looked me over. To my relief she assumed that I was a girl, which meant that I didn’t have to answer any awkward questions or make up lies about why my body was so feminine. If a nurse did know that I was a boy then I usually just pretended that I was seeing a doctor about my body and was in the process of getting blood tests, but with some of them I’d been saying that for months now and one day they were going to figure out that I was lying. It wasn’t going to be to today though.
The nurse cleaned and bandaged my arm before carefully checked over my leg, which thankfully wasn’t seriously injured. It did require an icepack and some binding though, and I was overjoyed when she said that I was in no shape to attended classes. I eagerly gave her mum’s phone number and she went out into the reception to call her, leaving Jen and I alone. I was scared that she was going to bring up the fact that I’d lied to the nurse about how I’d been injured but she instead just smiled and patted my knee.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Much better!’ I slowly stretched out my leg and beamed. ‘See? It doesn’t hurt as much anymore!’
‘That’s great sweetie,’ she sat down next to me and looked down at my injured leg. ‘I dislocated my kneecap last year and I was scared yours might have been injured that badly too.’
‘Oww!’ I hugged myself and shivered. ‘That sounds awful!’
‘It was.’ She looked down at her own knee and slowly ran her fingers over it. ‘It took months before it healed, and I missed out on most of the basketball season because of it. Then I broke my leg in the first match back and missed out on the entire season.’
‘Oh no!’ I almost went to hug her but stopped myself, not really sure if that was appropriate or not. She’d hugged me in the alley but that was because I’d been crying. Would it be weird if I hugged her just because she looked sad? I…didn’t have any friends so had no idea what was acceptable or not. I decided to err on the side of caution and kept my hands to myself, instead just smiling sadly at her. ‘Is your leg okay now?’
‘Yep! All of that happened last year.’ She patted her knee and easily stretched it out with a satisfied grin. ‘This year’s been great! My team’s on top of the interschool ladder at the moment and if things keep going this well then there’s no chance of us not being in the finals. There’s no way I’m going to let my leg get injured again now. N-’
‘Oh!’ I gasped, her talk of basketball reminding me of what Anya had said before. ‘Umm…Anya said that you had basketball practice at recess, and said that you wouldn’t be able to talk because of a girl named Ashley? Was she talking about Ashley Hayes? A tall girl with brown hair cut into a bob and freckles?’
‘Yeah! She’s our captain,’ Jen beamed as my heart sunk. ‘Do you know her?’
‘I do,’ I looked nervously down at my lap. ‘She’s my sister.’
‘What? No way!’ she laughed and leant down to look at me closer. ‘I’d have never guessed that. You two-’
‘Umm! So…uh…’ I rubbed my legs together and shifted about on the bed before looking desperately up at her. ‘She doesn’t know that I’m trans! S-so please don’t tell her!’
Jen blinked, and then frowned. ‘What? She doesn’t know? Why not?’
‘Because I haven’t told her. She’d be so angry if she knew!’ I swallowed and shifted about on the bed even more. ‘And she’d definitely tell my parents too and my dad would kill me if he found out! Especially if he learned about the hormones!’
‘Your parents don’t know?’ Jen stared at me in surprise and ran her hands through her hair. ‘Wait, so…so you’re…you’re a boy? At school? Like, you wear the boys uniform and everything? And at home your parents see you as a boy?’
‘Y-yeah.’ My voice shook as I said that and I grabbed the bottom of my shirt. ‘Nobody but you knows, that I’m trans or that I’m on hormones.’
She looked sharply down at me. ‘How are you on hormones then? Don’t you need your parents’ permission to take them?’
‘Uh…,’ I swallowed and avoided her eyes. ‘W-well, umm…Ashley’s hormones give her bad side-effects and her doctor won’t give her a new prescription, so she’s been throwing them out without taking them and I’ve-’
‘You’ve been stealing them.’ Jen stared at me and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘And I only I know? Alex…that’s…’
‘I know it’s dangerous!’ I tugged at my shirt and stared miserably at her as my throat tightened. ‘But I have to take them! My dad will never let me transition and this is the only chance I’ll ever have to being a girl, even just for a few months, so I have to take then! And I know it’s not going to last for-forever! I know! I know! But-but…’ Tears fell down my cheeks and I bit my bottom lip as sobs welled in my throat. ‘But please, don’t tell anyone! This is all I have! I just want to be happy! I want to be a girl, just for a little while longer! Just until…just…I…please…’
I blinked away tears as Jen put her hands on the sides of my face and leant down so that I was looking directly up at her. Her silky brown hair rained down on my face and I felt her breath on my face as she spoke.
‘Oh Alex…sweetie…,’ she breathed and brushed away some tears with her fingers. ‘You really are perfect, you know that? I’ve been looking for someone like you for such a long time. I can’t believe you're Ashley's little brother. You were right under my nose this whole time and I didn't even...ah...ah fuck...'
‘Huh?’ I stared at her blankly. ‘Wha-’
And then she leant down closer to my face, and…
To be continued
Thankyou for reading!
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Things aren't always as simple as they first appear though, and Alex's life is full of seen and unseen dangers waiting to drag her down into the depths that they lurk within.
Authors note: I got this out way faster than I thought I'd be able to, which makes me suspicious that I've messed up somewhere. Hmm...
It's probably fine! Please let me know if something glaring jumps out though! Surely there's no glaring mistakes, right?
Right?
Thankyou as always for reading! And comments and kudos are always appreciated! <3
Just before our lips touched Jen stopped and her cheeks slowly filled with colour. She let out a soft breath and swallowed as her pupils grew larger, and I could almost hear the sound of her heart beating through her chest. I looked up at her as she caressed my wet cheeks with her hands and my own heart start to increase its pace. What was she doing? She…looked like she was about to kiss me…
‘Uhm!’ I gently grabbed her arms and smiled nervously as a fluffy, excited feeling embraced my stomach, making me rub my legs together. Agh! What was going on? ‘What are you doing?’
Jen leant just a little closer before she blinked, and then abruptly jerked away from me, her breathing getting even heavier. For a moment she looked scared, her eyes widening as her lips shook, and then she jumped off the bed and shakily brushed her hands thought her hair.
‘Shit! No. No…uh…,’ she put her hands on her hips and let out a frustrated breath. ‘Fuck! Not like this, not again. I need to-’
‘Jen?’ I rubbed my wet eyes and stared at her in utter confusion. ‘Are you okay?’
She spun around and looked at me with wild eyes. ‘Yes! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have done that. I-I want do things…properly this time.’
I tilted my head to my side. ‘What things? What are you talking about?’
She looked at me for a moment before leaping forward and grabbing my hands in a tight grip, her eyes staring deeply into my own. ‘Alex. I promise you, I won’t tell anyone that you’re on hormones. Not even Ashley.’
‘O-oh. Good!’ I smiled at her, having been so confused by her behaviour that I’d almost forgotten what I’d been so upset about. ‘Thankyou, I-’
We both jumped as the nurse came back into the room, and Jen quickly let go of my hands. The nurse looked at us suspiciously for a moment but apparently decided that she didn’t care what was going on and just told me that mum would be here to pick me up in ten minutes. That was far sooner than I’d thought possible and my heart lifted at the news, but at the same time worry gnawed at me. I hoped she wasn’t going to miss any work and get into trouble with her boss for coming to get me. Not just for her sake, but mine too. Dad would be livid when he found out that I’d gotten mum to miss work and take me home instead of calling him.
The nurse handed me the pink scarf that’d previously bandaged my arm and told us to wait in one of the rooms down the opposite hallway, which we did so after thanking her. These rooms were just for students to rest in so they were fairly bare, with only a small bed and table in them.
As soon as we entered I sat down on the blue bedsheets and watched as Jen closed the door behind her. I was starting to feel uncomfortable after what had just happened and wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Had she really tried to kiss me? And if so, did that mean she was attracted to me? I had no idea how to deal with that! Nobody had ever shown the slightest interest in wanting to date me, let alone kissing me. She did want to date me, right? Isn’t that what people who kissed did? She said something about wanting to do it properly, so maybe she was talking about that. But what did that mean? How did you date someone properly?
She sat next to me and I looked shyly up at her, my heart skipping a beat as our legs rubbed together. She was ridiculously attractive, with her perfect complexion and beautiful face. Her lips were thick and shiny, her nose small and petite and her ocean-blue eyes ringed by long lashes, making her look older than she actually was. And her thick black hair…it was so silky and framed her face so well…
And her body…
‘Uh!’ my face burned as I looked at the outline of her breasts against her sports shirt and I quickly looked down at my lap. ‘What was you-what? Umm!’
I shook my head and felt my face somehow turn even redder. Crap! My mind was all over the place and I couldn’t focus it properly. I wasn’t used to situations like this!
‘Are you okay?’ Jen asked and I felt her hair brush up against mine as she leant down, making me shiver slightly.
I swallowed and then noticed the pink scarf in my hands. Ah! Something to talk about! Thank god.
‘H-here!’ I held up the scarf and looked up into her concerned face. ‘Thankyou for using this to cover my arm.’
‘Oh,’ she smiled and shook her head, ‘you should keep it, sweetie. Like I said before, it suits you far more than it does me.’
‘Huh? I can’t keep this. It’s yours.’
‘Not anymore. I’m giving it to you,’ She pushed my offered hand slowly into my chest and laughed softly. ‘Just make sure you wash out the blood before wearing it.’
I looked down at the scarf and clutched at it, the same tightness from before descending upon my chest. She was giving me her scarf! I was going to own something of hers! That made me so happy for some reason and I put the scarf back into my lap, beaming at her.
‘Thankyou!’ I said and then squeaked happily as she patted me on the head.
‘Awww! A cute scarf should be around a cute girl’s neck.’ she laughed and I squeezed the scarf even harder. Ahh...I loved it when she called me a cute girl…
‘So…’ I tried to calm myself down and focused on what she’d said in the other room. ‘You really won’t tell anyone that I’m on hormones?’
‘No.’ she shook her head and looked seriously at me. ‘That’s your secret to share, not mine. But, I am worried about you taking them without seeing a doctor. Hormones can be really dangerous.’
‘I know, but it’s fine.’ I avoided her eyes. ‘I’m okay.’
I hadn’t noticed any bad side effects from taking them, but I didn’t really know what I was supposed to be looking for so…yeah. I might not be okay at all, but at the moment I really didn’t care. So long as my body was female then it didn’t matter if I was getting cancer or had a blood clot or whatever. My life was going to be over when I had to stop taking them so if I died then, fine. Living as a boy wasn’t a life I wanted to live. It was hard enough just living like I was now.
‘Are you sure that nobody else has noticed besides me?’ Jen looked over me and I resisted the urge to cover my chest. ‘Like, I noticed as soon as I hugged you that your body wasn’t like a boys. You’re much softer and more curved around the hips than any boy I’ve ever known. And when I felt your boobs against my back I knew that you were on hormones.’ I grimaced at that, still feeling stupid for having let that happen.
‘Surely your parents or Ashley have noticed something? Or at least suspect something’s going on.’
I remembered Ashley trying to grab me before and kicked my legs out from under the bed, frowning. ‘I…I think some people have noticed that my body’s changed a bit, or that I’m more feminine than a boy should be, but none of them know that I’m on hormones. Nobody but you knows that I have b-b…uh...’
‘Boobs.’ Jen finished for me and I winced, making her laugh and rub me on the head again. ‘What are you so embarrassed about? It’s just a word, and considering that you actually have boobs you should probably get used to saying it.’
‘Y-yeah…’ I looked down at my lap and shrugged.
‘Do you have a bra or anything?’ she asked and I gasped.
‘What! No!’ I hugged my chest and stared at her in shock. ‘C-can we stop talking about this please?’
‘Wow,’ she laughed again and I scowled at her, but that just made her laugh even harder. ‘You’re way too sensitive sweetie! Aren’t you happy that you’ve got boobs? Isn’t that something you’d want from hormones?’
‘I…yeah, but…’
I’d been hiding my breasts for so long that talking about them out loud was just…scary. A part of me longed to talk about them, to ask Jen about bras and sizes, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt wrong, even perverse, like I was…like I was a sexual deviant just like grandpa thought people like me were! No!
‘Umm!’ I shook my head and shook from side to side and looked pleadingly up at Jen. ‘Can we please talk about something else?’
‘…alright,’ she sighed and patted me on the back. ‘But if you’re going to be girl then you’re going to have to get used to talking about boobs, Alex.’
‘Okay.’ My stomach clenched and I looked away from her.
I wasn’t going to be a girl long enough for that to ever happen, and I didn’t even feel like a girl now, despite my body. I really hoped mum would come soon so I could hug her and lose myself in her comforting presence. Today had been way too painful and confusing for me to be able to deal with.
‘So.’ Jen leant forward and caught my eye. ‘I was wondering if I could talk to your mum about the cafe when she gets here. It’d b-’
‘What?’ I stared at her in horror. ‘You can’t! She doesn’t know that I’m trans, remember? There’s no way she’d let me work at a maid café, and even just suggesting it to her would make her suspicious! And if she figures out that I’m trans then it won’t be too long before she figures out that I’m on hormones!’
Jen let out a heavy breath and leant down on her knees. ‘Well…then, are you okay with lying to her?’
I blinked and then nodded, unfortunately well used to lying to mum at this point. I couldn’t see how it was possible to lie about not working at a café without her immediately seeing through it though.
‘How would I lie about something like that?’
‘Easy.’ Jen grinned and put her hands together in front of her. ‘We’ll just pretend that you’re working in the back, preparing food and putting it in the display shelves and stuff, not waitressing. A kitchen hand or something. Your mum will need to sign some forms because you obviously can’t work without her permission, but they won’t explicitly state that you’re working as a waitress. Just that you’re working at the café for a certain amount of hours and stuff like that.’
A small bubble of hope appeared in my chest, but I tried not to let it grow too big yet. ‘But she’ll want to see me working though. And so will dad and Ashley and my brother!’
‘Yep! And when they do, we’ll put you in a boy’s suit or something and you can go in the back area.’ Her eyes sparkled mischievously. ‘They’ll think you’ve always been there, sorting cupcakes and the like. And because in that role you don’t serve anyone and are mostly hidden from view they won’t have much reason to stay around for very long, and when they leave you can just put the maids uniform on and go about like nothing happened.’
The bubble grew larger. ‘But what if they drop by unannounced and see me in the maids uniform?’
‘Then we can just pretend that you’re wearing it as a joke! Or that I forced you to wear it because I thought it’d look cute on you. Which it will.’ She rubbed my head and beamed as I squeaked. ‘See? It’ll be easy enough. And sis will be fine with it too so don’t worry. I’ll talk to her.’
I stared at her in awe. How had she come up with all of that so quickly? I couldn’t even think of one way to hide it from my family but she’d figured it out in less than two minutes! Whoa…
‘You’re really good at lying!’ I blurted out, and then blushed. ‘I mean! Not that that’s a good thing! Unless it is? Is it?’
She laughed and shrugged. ‘Lying’s fine if you do it for a good cause, and this is definitely a good cause.’
The bubble of hope exploded throughout me and a beautiful light consumed me. Oh my god! I could actually do this! I could actually be a waitress! I could wear a cute outfit and be a girl! Serve customers and work with Jen and other waitresses! And all the customers would see me as a girl! I’d be able to finally show off my body instead of hiding it under boy’s clothes!
I’d be doing something normal. Something a normal girl would do! I’d…oh…oh god…
My body began to shake and the fear and confusion I’d been feeling was washed away in an ocean of joyful excitement so bright and warm that I immediately drowned in its endless depths.
‘Is this really possible?’ I asked Jen as my eyes threatened to start tearing up again. ‘I can really be a maid? A waitress?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded and then gasped as I dove into her chest and squashed her with a tight hug. She put her arms around me and patted me on the back, her breathing starting to become heavier. ‘Alex, I-’
‘Thankyou! Thankyou! Thankyou!’ I looked up at her and my heart swelled with affection. Ahhh! I loved Jen! ‘You’re amazing. You’re the best person in the world! I love you! I never thought something like this would be possible! Thankyou! Thankyou! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! Jen! You’re awesome! I love you so much! I’m happy! I’m…I’m happy!’
She turned bright red and looked away, a shaky smiled appearing on her face. ‘T-thanks sweetie…but, you…you should…’
Before I could continue my shower of praise there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal mum. My heart exploded with joy and I pounced off of the bed and crashed into her stomach, giving her the tightest hug I could muster without alerting her to the presence of my breasts. Pain tore through my leg but it was tiny compared to the tsunami of joy ripping through me. Hee!
‘Whoa! Alex?’ mum staggered backwards with a laugh and put her hands on my shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I am! I am!’ I practically shouted and squeezed her joyfully. ‘I’m so happy mum!’
‘I got call from a nurse though, saying that you were hurt and needed a lift home.’ Mum’s expression began to darken and I blinked guiltily.
‘Oh! Uh….’ I quickly let go of her and held up my bandaged arm, and showed off my bound leg. ‘I hurt my arm and my leg, and they’re really sore!’
‘You don’t look like you’re in pain.’ Mum frowned and looked past me to Jen. She blinked in recognition and to my relief a smile replaced the frown. ‘Hi Jen! What are you doing here?’
‘She carried me here! On her back!’ I bounced over to Jen and hugged her arm. ‘Without her I’d have died! She’s amazing!’
‘You wouldn’t have died.’ Jen laughed, her face still red for some reason. ‘S-he just couldn’t walk so I carried him here.’
‘What happened?’ mum gently grabbed my arm and inspected it with a grimace.
‘I fell over on the way to school,’ Jen’s ability to lie inspired me so I decided to elaborate. ‘I was running because I’d stopped off to get some food and was going to be late, so I wasn’t looking where I was going accidentally ran into a dumpster!’
‘Owh, sweetheart.’ Mum breathed and gently touched the bandage, making me wince. ‘Is it bad?’
‘It is, but it’s not serious,’ I poked out my leg a bit. ‘My leg’s much worse. Jen said that my kneecap was dislocated!’
‘What?’ mum looked sharply at Jen.
‘It was dislocated, but it’s back where it should be now.’ Jen said quickly. ‘And it wasn’t far out of place so it’ll probably heal in a few days. He does honestly need to go home and rest, but probably just for a day. Maybe two if his leg is still really sore tomorrow.’
‘Hmm. That sounds pretty bad.’ Mum looked at me suspiciously. ‘Why are you so happy then?’
There was no way I could tell her why, at least not the whole truth, but that was fine. It was normal to get this excited about being able to work, right?
I let go of Jen’s arm and bounced over to mum. ‘Can I work at a café with Jen?’
Mum’s face went blank for a moment and then she looked confused. ‘What?’
Jen came over and smiled crookedly, putting an arm on my shoulder. ‘My sister is opening a café next week, and our…kitchen hand quit suddenly so we need to find a replacement, and I’ve been talking to Alex and thought that maybe sh-he could have the job.’
‘A kitchen hand?’ mum looked at me in surprise. ‘Do you even know how to help out in a kitchen?’
‘I do!’ I beamed, but then faltered. ‘K-kinda. Jen and her sister will teach me!’
‘Why do you want Alex?’ mum frowned at Jen. ‘Surely there must be hundreds of other, more experienced people you could hire for the job.’
‘My sister wants kids to work in the café.’ Jen squeezed my shoulder. ‘She wants the cafe to be like a hangout for schoolkids, and thinks that having schoolkids there will help with that. She has this thing she keeps saying, “For schoolkids, by schoolkids”.’
‘Ohh. That’s a neat idea.’ Mum smiled slightly. ‘You do know that someone Alex’s age can only work three hours on a weekday though, right?’
‘I do! And the café’s only going to be open in the afternoons on weekdays so we can easily work around that.’ Jen nodded.
‘Can I work there mum?’ I hugged her and looked up at her with the cutest expression I could make. ‘Please? I really want to!’
‘Why?’ she patted me on the head. ‘You’ve never shown any interest in working before.’
‘Because it’ll be fun! I’ll get to work with food and meet new people and make heaps of friends.’ I looked back at Jen. ‘And Jen is really nice and she needs me!’
Mum looked at me thoughtfully and didn’t say anything, so I hugged her tighter. Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes…
‘Are you free tomorrow afternoon?’ Jen asked and I looked at her hopefully. ‘I was going to show Alex the café so he could get a feel for it, and you should come along too. You can meet my sister and she’ll be able to answer any questions you have, and she’ll probably do a better of explaining what it’s all about than I can.’
‘That would be great, actually.’ Mum said, sounding relieved. ‘I finish work at four so I could be there at quarter past?’
‘That should be fine.’ Jen nodded. ‘Alex and I can look around the mall while we wait for you.’
‘Mm!’ my heart leapt and I wriggled about from side to side. ‘That sounds great!’
Mum laughed and ran her hands down the sides of my head. ‘Well, that’s all sorted then! Are you hungry, little man? I was thinking we could go someplace quiet and have a chat about some things.’
I nodded enthusiastically. ‘You don’t have to go work though?’
‘No, I took the day off after…well, I took the day off.’ She grimaced and I looked at her curiously.
‘Why?’
‘Because I needed to think about some things,’ her expression hardened for a moment but she quickly smiled and gently pushed me off her. ‘But we can talk about that while we’re eating. I want to talk to the nurse before we go, to see if I need to do anything with your injuries.’
‘Okay!’ I turned around and hugged Jen as hard as I could, not having to worry about her feeling my breasts. ‘Thankyou so much for today!’
‘It was my pleasure.’ She patted me on the back and I noticed once again that her face had grown red.
Was she embarrassed about something? Or was she attracted to me and I was making her want to kiss me like she’d nearly done before? If that was even what had happened. I still had no idea, and I found it hard to imagine that someone could be attracted to me of all people.
Oh well. I could deal with it tomorrow. Today was a happy, awesome great day! I didn’t want to think about confusing things anymore. I was going to have morning tea with mum and enjoy myself!
‘I’ll see you tomorrow!’ I grinned and then slowly let go of Jen. ‘Thanks again, Jen.’
‘No problem sweetie,’ she gently touched my head and then tugged on the scarf. ‘Make sure you look after this, okay?’
‘I will.’ I nodded and then turned around to bounce out of the room.
‘Bye Jen.’ Mum waved slightly and Jen waved back, smiling widely.
Oh my god.
It’d seemed impossible, but today had somehow turned into the best day ever! Ahh! I was actually going to get to be a waitress, and people would finally see me as a girl! And I was about to spend some time with mum after months of her stuck working! This was amazing! This was heaven! I hadn’t been this happy in years…
Nothing could possible ruin this day. After all the bad things that had happened, I deserved one day of happiness, right?
Right?
To be continued
Thankyou for reading! <3 <3
I am concerned that I made Alex's happiness a bit annoying, but I hope it's understandable from the character.
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Things aren't always as simple as they first appear though, and Alex's life is full of seen and unseen dangers waiting to drag her down into the depths that they lurk within.
And sometimes, the dangers are right in front of her face but she doesn't recognize it until it's too late...
Authors note: The inevitable next chapter! Wah!
Thanks for all of the comments and kudos on my last chapter! It's nice to know that you're all liking it and that I didn't make Alex too annoyingly excited.
I hope you all enjoy this chapter too ^_^ And as always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
I'm really enjoying writing this so the chapters have been coming up quite fast, but the next one might take a while.
Also, this story will end up being quite long, considering that we're still only on the first day :3 It might get split into two parts when a certain event occurs.
Mum had parked across the street from the school’s entrance, so once she’d checked in with the nurse we headed out that way. The weather was far worse than it’d been before and dark clouds were infesting the sky, making it seem like it was early in the afternoon instead of mid-morning. I shivered as a gust of wind cut through the buildings and looked at the pink scarf in my hands. Would it be okay to wrap my arms up in it? There was a lot of blood staining the bottom half of it…but…
‘Is that Jen’s?’ mum asked when she noticed me fiddling with the scarf.
‘Yep! She used it to stop my arm from bleeding,’ I looked hesitantly at her for a moment before continuing. ‘Umm…she said that I could keep it.’
Mum raised an eyebrow in amusement. ‘She does know that you’re a boy, right? I noticed she kept almost calling you a “she” before.’
‘W-well, she thought I was a girl at first.’ I rubbed my arms awkwardly and looked up at mum, whose lips twitched.
‘Yes, I can see why she’d make that mistake.’ she slowed down a bit as we entered the plaza and sighed. ‘When the nurse called me she kept referring to you as my daughter, and I thought for a moment that Ashley was the one who’d been hurt, not you. I didn’t bother corrected her. I’m so tired of having to tell people that you’re not my daughter.’
‘Oh,’ I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that so just smiled sadly. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s not your fault. You can’t help how you look. I…I know that.’ She looked at me strangely, like I was some strange new creature she’d just discovered, and I started to feel uncomfortable.
‘What?’ I asked with a nervous laugh.
She frowned up at the sky for a moment before brushing her brunette hair behind her ears and looking down at me. ‘This really isn’t the best place to talk, and I don’t think a café would be either. Would you be fine with us just going home? We could pick up some pizza on the way and eat it while we talk?’
I gasped as my stomach groaned excitedly, and a delighted grin lit up my face. Morning pizza! That was the best kind of pizza! Hee! I didn’t think this day could get any better but it just had! Ahh! W-
Oh. Wait. Dad was at home! Crap…
‘Umm…,’ my excitement faded and I grimaced. ‘I’d ra-’
‘Dad’s not home, don’t worry.’ Mum smiled slightly and I blushed guiltily. She read me way too well! ‘He’s gone out to meet with some old work friends, and is probably going to stay late drinking with them.’
‘Really?’ I was glad he wasn’t home, but it was surprising. ‘I thought he was going to spend the day looking online for work.’
‘So did I, but apparently he’d rather spend all of the money I’ve been saving up on beer and pub food for his friends. It’s…’ her lips tightened and she clenched her hands into fists, her eyes shining with anger. I fully expected her to go into an angry tirade about how awful dad was and prepared myself, but after a few seconds she let out a frustrated breath and relaxed her hands. ‘You know what? Let’s not talk about your father. It’s good that he’s not home. It means that we’ll actually be able to have some privacy for once, so it’s…fine.’
‘Mm!’ I beamed up at her as she ran a hand down my hair and then rubbed my back.
‘Why don’t we watch those anime movies you keep talking about? Mad…magiker something?’ she frowned and scratched her cheek. ‘Whatever it’s called. The one with the cute cat thing and the little girls who fight weird…witch stuff.’
I gasped and clutched her arm. I’d been trying to get her to watch anime with me for years! ‘The Madoka Magica movies? You’ll watch them with me? Really?’
‘Sure!’ We left the plaza and entered the rows of oak trees, which were shaking loudly from the ever-increasing wind. ‘You’re always asking me to watch them with you and now that I have the time then why not?’
‘All three of them?’ I asked hopefully. ‘And with subtitles? Because you have to watch them in subtitles to get the best experience!’
‘Maybe just one for now,’ she smiled wryly. ‘But sure, I don’t mind subtitles.’
I stared at her with wide, excited eyes. ‘Are you serious? Because you never want to watch anime with me! You think they’re too dark and weird a-’
‘Well, I’ve changed my mind,’ she wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against her side. ‘So let’s go and eat some pizza, watch anime and relax for a while, hey? God knows we both need it.’
I squealed joyfully and dove into her stomach, not caring that some students were probably watching us. Mum was AWESOME!
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The next couple of hours were like a dream. A warm, hazy dream of a time long before dad lost his job and decided to make us all miserable with his presence. Mum bought a large pepperoni pizza covered in delicious cheese and then set us up in the living room, closing all of the doors and the window’s blinds. Then she wrapped me up in a thick pink blanket to protect me from the days’ awful cold, put on the movie and snuggled up next to me while we ate pizza. It was…perfect. Everything I’d been missing so painfully over the past six months.
Mum and I used to have movie nights together every Tuesday and Thursday, just the two of us. Ashley had basketball practice those nights, Jason wasn’t interested in movies that didn’t contain gigantic monsters and dad worked late back then, so it was just mum and I. She’d make us hot chocolate and we’d snuggle up under the pink blanket and watch whatever movie caught our eye, usually a fun animated one or a younger comedy. Ashley would join us during the school holidays and sometimes Jason would come out of his room if a particular movie caught his attention, but for the most part mum and I were by ourselves. It was our special bonding time and the best parts of my week. I’d never really had any friends, even when I was in primary school, and when Tom had started bullying me in year seven movie nights became the only happy moments of the week. They were a tiny boat of happiness atop of a sea of seething pain and misery.
And then dad got fired and ruined everything.
After losing his job he spent all of his time in the living room watching TV and refused to leave when mum and I wanted to watch a movie. So, we’d tried to watch some movies with him, but that didn’t end well. He didn’t like any of the movies we watched and made his distaste very clear, be it by snorting disdainfully at any emotional moments, making rude jokes about the women or mocking mum and I for liking such things. So we’d tried watching a movie he liked, a gross comedy full of toilet humour, drugs and alcohol, but not even Ashley had found it funny and we’d all left the room to let him watch it by himself. He’d gotten pissed off after that and banned movie night, saying that unless we could watch his stupid movies then nobody was going to watch anything.
So now Tuesday and Thursday nights were just like every other day, lonely and miserable. I stayed in my room or watched Jason play video games while mum went to bed early and Ashley played basketball. Dad was the only person who was in the living room, sitting in his armchair and watching his stupid comedies or replays of football matches, all the while shouting or laughing uproariously. Sometimes he even brought his awful drinking friends, who were just as loud and as unpleasant as he was. It was hell.
But he wasn’t here now! It was just mum and I, wrapped up in a blanket and eating pizza while watching an awesome movie in a dark room, just like it used to be. Just like it should be.
I’d seen the Madoka Magica movies so many times in the past that I could almost recite them line by line, so I found myself starting to drift off half-way through the first one. Mum seemed to be actually enjoying them though and didn’t talk too much, her eyes fixated on the cute magical girls fighting on the TV. I smiled and squashed myself up against her side, then slowly closed my eyes as she smiled back at me. She moved up a bit so I could get more comfortable and I made a happy squeaking sound as she rubbed my head. My arm and leg were still sore but the pain seemed so far away now, and I soon found myself floating off into a fluffy half-sleep.
I thought about being a waitress and squeaked, once again imagining myself dressed up in a maid’s uniform. I couldn’t believe that I was actually going to be working at a maid’s café! Sure, it wasn’t certain yet, but I couldn’t imagine mum saying no. I couldn’t even imagine dad saying no, considering how often he lectured me about men needing to be strong and responsible. Having a job was definitely responsible! It seemed impossible that I wouldn’t be able to work there. With Jen…
A warm feeling squeezed at my heart and I felt myself blush. Jen was unlike anyone I’d ever met before. In one day she’d changed my future from a dark, dreary place into one full of hope and happiness. And more than that, she’d saved me from Tom and…I think she was my friend. We had to be friends now, right?
She was my first friend! Hee….
I think she also tried to kiss me…
That was…kind of strange. Maybe…
Maybe not…
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‘Alex? Are you awake?’ I felt mum rub my head and squeaked tiredly. ‘I’d like for us to talk for a moment.’
‘Muh? Nuh?’ I cracked open my eyes and squinted up at her. ‘Talk?’
‘Yes. Before it gets too late and Jason and Ashley come home,’ she smiled sadly and put her hands under my shoulders, then gently lifted me up onto my knees. A small stab of pain ran through my injured leg but it quickly faded. ‘I know you’re tired but you can sleep after we’re done, okay? I just…need to get this out of the way now.’
‘Owh,’ I blinked tiredly and then rubbed my eyes. I looked at the TV and saw that the end credits for the second movie were playing. ‘Oh…did you like them? The movies?’
‘I did, actually.’ She said as she turned herself around so that we were facing each other on the couch. ‘Much more than I thought I would. They were really interesting.’
‘Can we watch the third one? It’s my favourite!’
‘Maybe.’ She brushed my hair behind my ears and patted me on the head. ‘I want to talk first.’
I stifled a yawn and rubbed the last of the sleep from my eyes. ‘About what?’
She licked her lips and sat straighter on the couch. ‘Well…I need to ask you some…personal questions. Is that okay?’
‘Okay…’ I scratched the back of my head and nodded slowly.
She smiled tightly. ‘Thank-you. Right…so…’
‘What?’ I asked quietly when she trailed off.
‘Sorry! I just…’ she sighed and adjusted her position on the couch slightly then looked down at me with a slightly pained expression. ‘I need to ask, have you noticed anything strange happening to your body?’
‘Huh?’ I tilted my head to the side. ‘Strange how?’
‘Like…,’ she looked down at her lap and then back up at me. ‘Have you noticed that your hips have become wider? And your skin smoother, and softer?’
…
…
Oh no…oh no…
The bottom dropped out of my stomach and I froze. She’d noticed. She’d noticed! Of course she had! If Ashley had then mum definitely had as well. Oh god! Did she know I was on hormones? No, no, if she did then she’d have asked me that right away. Right? She wouldn’t ju-
‘Alex?’ she asked softly and I flinched, fixing my eyes firmly on my lap. ‘I’m not trying to embarrass you sweetheart. I’ve just noticed over the past couple of months that your body’s become more…uh…l-’
‘Like a girls.’ I finished shakily, for some reason terrified of hearing her say it out loud.
‘Yes! You’ve noticed?’
I looked shyly up at her. ‘A-a little bit…’
‘How long have you noticed the changes?’
‘I don’t….I don’t know. A few months?’ I shrugged weakly.
‘I’ve noticed them for a while now,’ she bit her bottom lip and looked down to the side for a moment. ‘I wasn’t sure at first, and I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had much time to really think about them, but…your chest,’ she gestured at it with a shaky hand. ‘For the past month now I’ve noticed that it seems to be…growing an-’
‘Wh-wha? Wh?’ I spluttered nervously and felt a cold chill run down my spine. ‘Huh?’
‘Do you…have breasts?’
The world shook around me and a horrible ringing sound appeared in my ears as my stomach clenched painfully. How the…how the hell had she…what? She’d noticed? But I’d been so careful! How?!
‘Don’t be embarrassed!’ She put her hands on my shoulders and smiled comfortingly, but her lips shook slightly. ‘W-’
‘Why are you asking me these things?’ my breathing was becoming heavier and my mind was spinning with the fear of what was about to happen.
‘Because I’m scared that there’s something wrong with your body,’ she squeezed my shoulders and then patted my hair in what was usually a comforting way, but it just sent cold shivers down my back. ‘You’re not developing like Jason, you’re developing like…well, like I did when I was your age.’
Despite my fear a delighted thrill ran through me at that, but I made sure it didn’t show on my face. I was growing up like mum was? That was what I’d always wanted, ever since I was a child. To be like her…
‘I noticed about five months ago that your skin was becoming softer,’ she continued and leant back a bit, finally stopping her patting of my head. ‘But I was too busy dealing with your father and working longer hours to really pay it any attention. And then your hips started to widen and your face got prettier and I should have done something then but, I thought that it was just a….I don’t know, a weird quirk of puberty or something and your body would figure itself out eventually, but…it didn’t.’ She swallowed and dragged her fingers through her hair, messing it up a bit. ‘Like I said, I noticed your chest getting just a little bit bigger throughout the last two months. I don’t think even you noticed until recently, because your chest suddenly became flatter last month and the lumps disappeared. Have you been hiding them?’
I nodded slightly, feeling sick. I knew she was perceptive but this was…horrible…
‘So…you are…developing breasts then?’
I swallowed and shrugged. ‘I…I don’t now…’
‘Then…Alex.’ She looked at me and sighed heavily. ‘I need to see your chest.’
‘W-what? No!’ I hugged myself and slid away from her. ‘It’s fine! You don’t need to see it!’
‘I do,’ she said with a pained expression. ‘It’s not normal for boys to develop breasts. Obviously. You could have some kind of skin disease, or the lumps could be cancerous growths o-’
‘C-cancerous growths?’ my eyes bulged and I shook slightly. ‘Really?’
‘It’s possible. I’m going to take you to see a doctor, but I wa-’
‘A doctor?’ I squeaked in horror. There was no way I could hide the fact that I was taking hormones from a doctor!
‘Yes. I’ve made an appointment with a specialist for next week, but I wanted to talk to you beforehand, and check your body myself,’ she smiled comfortingly. ‘I thought that it’d be easier like this, so you might not have to undress in front a stranger.’
‘I don’t want to undress in front of anyone!’
‘I know sweetheart, but there’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about,’ she put a hand on my cheek. ‘Your body is just…well…things like this happen sometimes, and it’s okay. Things go wrong with people’s bodies and it’s not bad. I’m not going to laugh at your and neither will the doctor. I just want to make sure that you’re okay. I’m really worried about you, Alex. This is serious.’
I stared at her and suddenly felt the urge to burst out laughing. This was insane! She knew that my body was changing, something I’d been absolutely terrified of for months, but she didn’t know that it was my fault! I’d never expected this. I was sure that once she noticed the changes in my body she’d figure out what was going on, but she hadn’t. She thought that I was ashamed of the changes, and probably thought that I hated them when it was the exact opposite.
Should I tell her the truth? If she really was going to take me to see a doctor then she’d know what I was doing soon enough, and be even angrier at me for lying. I could tell her, right now, and…
And what? Ruin my life prematurely? There was no way she’d let me stay on hormones. She might be understanding and sympathetic, but she wasn’t going to break the law for me. She’d still take me to see a doctor and I’d have to see psychiatrists and put on waiting lists and it’d probably be years until I was able to legally take hormones, if at all. And dad was going to find out and he’d be furious. He would never let me start hormones!
So no. I couldn’t tell her.
But…she was going to find out anyway! So why not just tell her now? She’d appreciate it if I was honest instead of being forced to tell the truth later.
She was going to be so angry though...
‘Alex.’ Mum softly squeezed my cheek. ‘Do you understand? Will you take your shirt off for me?’
Crap! Crap! Shit! Taking off my shirt couldn’t hurt, right? She already knew what my body was like so there was no point in hiding it, and I was kind of scared now that she’d mentioned cancerous lumps. Having her look at them shouldn’t hurt. And it’d give me more time to think about whether or not to tell the truth.
‘Okay!’ I jerkily grabbed the end of my shirt and looked at her. ‘Umm…a-are you sure.?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded and I grimaced.
Okay. Alright. Okay!
I turned my back to her and attempted to throw my shirt off in one huge gesture, but it got stuck on my head and I yelped in surprise, then struggled with it for a moment before throwing the stupid thing against the wall and growling.
‘Ugh. Umm…’ I hugged my chest and started shaking nervously as I felt mum’s eyes on my back. Was I seriously going to do this? I’d been trying to hide my body for so long, and now I was just going to show it to her? This didn’t feel real…
‘It’s okay sweetheart,’ Mum said softly. ‘Turn around. Let me see.’
…
‘O-okay.’ I covered my breasts and slowly turned around, shaking even worse. I felt slightly lightheaded and winced as mum’s eyes widened when she saw the hourglass shape of my body.
‘Oh…’ she breathed and ran her hands through her hair, letting it fall messily over her face. Then she gently grabbed my arms and after a moments resistance I let her pull them away from my chest so she could see my breasts. Small, nearly tennis-ball sized lumps that I’d been trying to hide from everyone ever since they first started growing. I hadn’t done a very good job.
And to my horror, mum gasped when she saw them and looked sharply up at me.
‘What’s wrong? Is it bad?’ Fear clutched at me and started shaking so badly that pain ran through my sore knee. ‘Are they cancerous lumps?’
‘I don’t…know’ she swallowed and looked back down at them with huge eyes. ‘They look like normal breasts to me. But…Alex…shit…’
‘What?’ I couldn’t stand it anymore and covered up my chest again, my face burning.
‘It’s just…I didn’t think…you look just like a girl…small and slender and…and not what…this isn’t…this isn’t…’ She slowly got off the couch and let out a haggard laugh. ‘Oh fuck! I knew I’d missed something but I’d hoped…no, no…I was so wrong…’
‘M-mum?’
She grabbed my shoulders in a painfully tight grip and when I flinched backwards she held me steady. Her eyes were full of a burning rage that I’d never seen before and tears started streaming down my face as I shook violently.
Oh no.
‘I’m going to ask you a question, Alex,’ she said coldly. ‘And I need you to tell me the truth. I’ll know if you lie to me. I always know when you lie to me. So don’t lie to me!’
Oh god. Oh fuck! What had I done? She knew! She’d trick-
‘Are you taking your sisters birth control pills?’
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
But she doesn't react how he'd expected her to.
Authors note: I was wrong about how long this would take! I already had this scene planned for a long time so it flowed really well in my head, and because I love writing dialogue and this chapter is 96% dialogue then...MEOW! I had a lot of dialogue markers and descriptions in my notes too which helped.
It also helped that I didn't have anything on today. Free day ^_^ The rest of the week will be different though so I don't think I'll be able to get a new chapter out as fast. Although I said that last time and...yeah :P Who knows.
Thankyou so much for all of your support on the previous chapters :D Please tell me if there's anything wrong with this story, grammatical or narratively. Feedback is always very helpful to me.
And as always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated! Even if I don't get to reply to all comments because I forget >.> And it's hard to see new comments sometimes.
I opened my mouth but only a scared squeak came out, and a spasm of fear shook my body as mum stared expectantly at me. My mind was a frozen mass of terror, scarcely able to comprehend what was happening.
‘Alex,’ she glared at me through the messy strands of brown hair that had fallen over her face. ‘Answer me!’
‘W-why do-’ I hiccupped through my tears and looked down at the ground, trying to find a way out of this. ‘Why do you t-think I’m-I’m taking Ashley’s tablets?’
‘Because last night,’ mum swallowed and her grip on my shoulders increased, ‘she asked me if she could get a new prescription for her pills and admitted that she was just throwing the current ones out without taking them. And when I asked her to show me the ones she was currently taking so we could make sure we got her a different one, she couldn’t find them. Because someone took them!’
‘I-I-I-’
‘And I finally realised why your body had become so feminine,’ Mum continued over me, her voice starting to become unsteady. ‘But I didn’t think it’d be this bad! Y-your body…oh fuck, Alex! How long…?’ I whimpered in pain as her nails dug into my shoulders. ‘Since she first started throwing them out? Last year! Or only in the last few months?’
I drew in a trembling breath and looked into her furious eyes. There was no point in lying anymore and I was too scared to even try. ‘Since m-may last year.’
‘Eleven months ago?’ her voice came out strained and horrified. ‘Nearly a year?’
‘I’m s-sorry!’ I grabbed her arms and tried to calm my breathing. ‘But you don’t understand! I had to take them!’
‘Why? Did you know that they’d do this to you?’ I nodded jerkily and she gritted her teeth. ‘You did? You knew they’d make you grow up like a girl and you still took them?’
‘I…I had to!’
‘Why?’
‘Y-you know why!’ I sobbed and pulled on her arms, feeling like I was about to throw up.
‘Say it,’ she said softly. ‘I need to hear you say it.’
I shook my head and hiccupped again. ‘M-mum, pleas-’
‘Say it!’ she angrily shook me and I whimpered, my will finally breaking.
…
‘I want to be a girl.’ I said softly, and then gasped, my voice seeming to somehow echo around the living room. I swallowed and said it louder. ‘I-I want to be a girl!’
A pained expression crossed mum’s face and she shoved me backwards on the couch, finally letting go of my shoulders. I moaned, grabbed my shirt and slipped it on as she stared blankly at me. My heart felt like it was going to rip itself out of my chest and I could barely breathe. I’d said it…the thing I’d been hiding from everyone for as long as I could remember…I’d said! I’d said it!
And it felt…awful.
I looked fearfully at mum as she stared at me, and after what felt like an hour she finally spoke.
‘I know,’ her voice was harsh and ragged, and tears started falling from her eyes. She dropped back down on the couch next to me with a groan and tapped her hand against her legs. ‘Oh, god…Alex…what the fuck have I done?’
‘W-what?’ That wasn’t what I’d expected to hear. ‘You?’
She leant forward and put her head between her hands and didn’t speak for almost a minute. I could hear her trying to control her tears and just when I was about to ask her if she was okay, she finally spoke.
‘I didn’t know what to do so I just ignored it for as long as I could,’ she said, her voice calmer than before but still shaking. ‘But I shouldn’t have, because it’s my fault it’s even happening! Right from the start…Ashley and I never got along even when she was little, and Jason was just like a normal boy back then. But you…Alex…you were like the-the daughter I always wanted so I…encouraged you to be…like you are.’
I blinked, not sure I’d heard her right. ‘Mum?’
She reached out and put a hand on my head, and I saw that she was crying again, her eyes dark and haggard.
‘You were always so affectionate and happy, constantly clinging to me and wanting attention. Wanting to sleep together at night, trying on all of my clothes and jewellery, playing with my hair…talking about how you were going to grow up to be just like me…and I needed that! I wanted it!’ Her voice broke and she gritted her teeth to fight off a sob. ‘But your dad kept yelling at you and trying to make you stop, and you did, sort of. You stopped saying you wanted to be like me but you were still so snuggly and cute and I…I needed that at the time. Your father was…he was like he was now, unemployed and just…just a fucking cunt! I had to pay for everything and it was so painful, and he didn’t even care! I was so lonely and I didn’t…that part of you…the part of the daughter I needed, I couldn’t let it go away so I…I nurtured it. I didn’t bother trying to make you more like a boy, teach you how to be a man or any of that shit. I just…I just…failed.’
Her face fell and painful sobs racked her body. I had no idea what to do and just stared at her in shock. I’d never seen mum like this before. She was always so composed and elegant, occasionally getting mad but never losing control of her emotions. Had she always been this sad, but wasn’t able to show it? And what did she mean, she needed me when I was younger? How could she have been lonely when she had her work friends, and Ashley and Jason? And why was getting money painful?
‘Mum, I-’
‘This is all my fault! I fucked you up so badly!’ she gasped through a sob and looked at me in pain. ‘I treated you like my daughter for so many years and you ended up thinking that you were my daughter!’
‘W-what? That’s not…’ I scratched my head and stared blankly at her.
‘It’s like your father’s always saying,’ her expression darkened and she buried her face in her hands again. ‘I don’t treat you like a teenage boy, I treat you like a ten year old girl. I’m always hugging you and letting you snuggle up next to me and calling you sweetheart and-’
‘I like it when you do that though! Dad’s wr-’
‘You shouldn’t like it! You’re a teenage boy!’ she stared accusingly at me and I swallowed.
‘I…but I don’t want to be one though.’
‘I know! And that’s my fault!’
‘How?’
‘I just said how! Because I kept treating you like a girl!’
‘But I want to be treated like that! I love how you treat me!’
‘Only because I keep reinforcing it!’
I tilted my head to the side. ‘Huh?’
‘Alex,’ she rubbed her eyes and focused on me. ‘Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad. You’re acting wrong and it’s getting worse and worse. So it needs to stop.’
An icy pit appeared in my stomach. ‘What?’
She grabbed my injured arm and I flinched at how rough she handled it. ‘I know that this didn’t happen from you falling, just like all the other times you’ve been injured at school in the past. I’m not stupid! You’re being bullied! Every week because of how you are. Because of who I let you be.’
I shook my head. ‘N-no, I’m bullied because of how I look!’
‘Yes!’ her eyes widened and she squeezed my arm, making me cry out in pain. ‘Exactly! You don’t look at all like a boy! I should have cut your hair years ago but I never did! I liked that you looked like a girl! Like a…like a little version of me. So I didn’t do anything about it, didn’t encourage you to play sports or eat a lot or anything. Just let you be small and cute and girly, and because of that you’re being harassed at school! Beaten up and insulted and almost killed!’
‘But-that’s not your fault!’ I jerked my arm out of her grasp and cradled it while frowning at her. ‘I love how I look! It’s people like Tom’s fault, not yours. He hurts me, not you!’
Mum’s eyes narrowed. ‘Who’s To-’
‘It’s not important.’ I grabbed her closest arm and tugged on it. ‘I’m me, mum! You didn’t make me like this. I want to be a girl because of…w-well, I don’t know! Because that’s who I am! Not because of you. I don’t understand why you think that this is your fault.’
‘That’s because you’re too young to understand. But you will one day though,’ she sighed heavily and looked at my chest. ‘Just…look at you. You’ve gone so far as to steal hormones and change your body just to be like me. That’s so fucked up! I should have done something about this years ago. It’s gone way too far. Do you even know how dangerous those tablets are?
‘I do, bu-’
‘Shit!’ she abruptly got up off the couch, her eyes widening. ‘Where are they anyway? In your room?’
‘Ah! Umm!’ I swallowed and stared down at my knees, the cold feeling in my stomach growing. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Alex. Where are they?’ I felt her eyes piercing through my skull but I couldn’t answer. ‘Fine then! If you don’t answer then I’ll find them myself.’
I heard her open the living room door and my stomach leapt painfully.
‘Wait! No!’ I jumped off the couch and then fell down as my sore leg collapsed under me. ‘Oww! Shit! Wait!’
I ignored the pain in my leg and hobbled after her, panic fuelling me. If she found the hormones then I was dead. My body would go back to being a boys’ and…and…no! No! I couldn’t live with that! I had to stop her!
She was already in my room by the time I got there, but was thankfully going through my wardrobe instead of the bookcase. I carefully went to my bed and sat down, deliberately avoiding looking at my bookcase and Sally hiding on the bottom shelf. Would mum find her? And if she did would she think to look inside of her? All I could do was wait…
I stared at mum as she went through a box of old Nintendo games and tried to think of something to say to distract her, or to change her mind about finding them. Or at least make her realise that this wasn’t her fault! If she thought that I wanted to be a girl because of how she raised me then she was going to start treating me completely different, and that was just as bad as losing the hormones. Mum was the only person I had in my life who I truly loved and if I lost that, lost her love her and support, then I might as well just kill myself. I could barely even deal with dad! If she ended up acting like him then…oh god…
‘Mum-’
‘Not now Alex.’ She snapped as she threw the box to the side to dig through some old clothes.
‘I think you’re wr-’
‘I said not now!’ she shouted and I squeaked in fear, but didn’t relent.
‘No! You don’t understand!’ I said as loud as I could and she sighed, then looked back at me.
‘What don’t I understand?
I clenched my hands in my lap and swayed from side to side as I tried to control my emotions and figure out what to say.
‘I’m…I’m not happy, mum. I’ve been…for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to be a girl, and it hurts so much! The hormones are the only thing that’s keeping me alive right now! Them and you! You! I need you! Things have been so awful since you started working more hours! I was so happy when you were around more, and we had movie nights and dinner together and you stayed with me until I fell asleep. I can’t lose what little of our relationship we still have! I need you to hug me and call me sweetheart a-’
‘Alex,’ Mum looked at me sadly. ‘Do you know how wrong that sounds? You’re a teenage boy. You shouldn’t be talking about me like that. You shouldn’t need me like that.’
‘But I do!’
She winced and put a hand to her forehead. ‘That’s because you haven’t made any friends at school. Because of how you look and act, but that’s going to ch-’
‘I’d make friends if I was a girl!’ a small spark of hope ran through my chest as an idea occurred to me. ‘I-If I went to school as a gi-’
‘You can’t be a girl.’
My heart stopped beating for a moment and I just stared at her.
‘You can’t be a girl, Alex,’ she got up and came over, the anger on her face from before replaced with a deep, terrible sadness that made me start to cry just looking at it. ‘You know that. Your father will never let it happen. My father will never let it happen. They will make your life a living hell because of it a-’
‘What about you?’ I interrupted weakly.
‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’ she laughed weakly.
‘Yes it does! You wanted a daughter wh-’
‘That was wrong! And you’ve suffered because of it!’
‘I haven’t!’ I jumped off the bed, almost stumbling over my injured leg, and stood in front of her. ‘You’re wrong! You haven’t done anything bad to me! I’m only even alive because of how you’ve treated me! Without you or the hormones then I’ve got nothing! I might as well kill myself if y-’
‘Don’t say that!’ mum hissed but I violently shook my head.
‘No! No! I’ll kill myself if you take my hormones and treat me like dad does!’
‘You don’t mean that.’
I was pretty sure I did mean it but my voice broke and another wave of tears consumed me. I didn’t want to kill myself! But I didn’t want to be a boy either! And I couldn’t lose mum! Not like this…
‘Mum,’ I whimpered and sniffed miserably. ‘Please. Don’t do this.’
She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, looking around the room as if searching for a reply to what I’d just said. Then she blinked and walked past me to the bookcase, her eyes focused on the lower shelf.
Oh shit!
‘Sally,’ she said quietly, kneeling down and pulling the soft toy from the bottom shelf. ‘You loved her so much when I first gave her to you.’
‘Wait! M…’
I trailed off as she turned sally over and ripped out the pins holding her stomach open, then shoved her hand inside. There was an awful crinkling sound and then she pulled out the bag of hormones I’d been hiding for so long, a look of displeased satisfaction on her face. I rushed at her and tried to grab the bag but she easily avoided my hand and got back to her feet.
‘I’m flushing these down the toilet.’ Her voice was a cold fury and she clenched her hand over the bag. ‘And I’m going to talk to Ashley so this doesn’t happen again.’
A pained groan ripped from my chest and I grabbed at her hand again. ‘No! Don’t!’
‘These could be killing you, Alex!’
‘I don’t care!’
She looked at me in surprise and then turned away. ‘Well, I do. This is for your own good.’
‘No it’s not!’ I grabbed her arm and tried to make her stop. ‘You’re wrong! I need them! I need to be a girl! Don’t do this to me!’
She looked back at me for a moment but continued walking. ‘I’m trying to help you.’
‘No you’re no! You’re killing me!’
She stopped in the doorway and pulled my hand off of her, her eyes cold and harsh. ‘I want you to stay in here for the rest of the day. Don’t tell Jason about this. And don’t tell your father either. He doesn’t know what’s going on and I don’t want him too. He’ll hurt you if he finds out.’
‘Mum, st-’
‘On Tuesday I’m going to take you to see doctor Karin, and she’s going to check your body and make sure you’re okay. She’s also going to take a blood test, and I’m going take you to see her every fortnight to make sure your estrogen levels are shrinking,’ she narrowed her eyes. ‘So if you have some more hormones hidden away I’ll know, and I’ll find them.’
‘I don’t have any more!’
‘Good.’ She tapped the side of her leg and looked thoughtfully at me. ‘And you need to see a psychologist too, but I’m going to ask Karin about who you should see. Just, prepare yourself for that, okay?’
I blinked and then let go of her, a though occurring to me. ‘What if the psychologist says that I’m a transsexual?’
‘You’re not a transsexual. Y-’
‘What if I am though? What if you’re wrong?’ I stood straighter and rubbed my wet face with the back of my hands. ‘You think I’m like this because of you, but you don’t know that for sure! You can’t until I see a psychologist and they tell you what I am!’
‘I’m not wrong,’ she said after a moment’s hesitation. ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time.’
‘But you’re not a psychologist. You could be wrong!’
She took a deep breath and let it out. ‘You’d better hope that I’m not. Because if you can’t learn to accept that you’re a boy then the rest of your life is going to be very painful.’
‘Not if you help me!’
‘I can’t help you like that,’ she bit her lips and put her free hand on my shoulder. ‘Just…please, Alex. I love you. Everything I’m doing is to help you, so just let me, okay? Don’t fight me on this.’
‘But you won’t listen to me! You don’t understand!’
‘You keep saying that, but I do understand.’ she patted my shoulder and then turned around again. ‘We’ll talk about this later, okay? I need to think about all of this. I was hoping I was wrong, that we could just watch your movie and things could continue like they always have, but…they can’t. I’ve been a terrible mother and it’s time for me to make things right. I just need to figure out how.’
‘I told you how!’ I sobbed and slowly knelt down as my legs gave out from exhaustion and pain. ‘Let me be a girl! Don’t change how you treat me! Please! Don’t do this to me.’
She looked down at me with a pained expression, her eyes tearing up again. Hope rose inside of me again but she didn’t say anything, just looked at me and then quickly left the room, slamming the door behind her.
And then I was alone.
Really alone. For the first time in my life.
I screamed. But nothing happened.
To be continued...
Thankyou for reading! The next chapter will be slightly less depressing, as the next day Alex will go to a certain someone for help.
Maybe that's a spoiler (sorry >.<), but I didn't want to end on such a dark note. And some of you readers are pretty observant so I don't think it'd be a spoiler anyway.
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
But she doesn't react how he'd expected her to.
And neither does his sister.
Authors note: So, this took about as long as I expected to come out >.< Sorry about that! It took a long time for me to get it to feel right, and...aha...I started playing a card game called Hearthstone and it kind of ended up taking up a lot of my time and..money >.> Uuuurgh...
Um! But, yes! New chapter! I hope it's good and you all like it :) Thankyou so much for all of the comments on the last chapter too! This one isn't as depressing, at least not at the end.
Comments and kudos are appreciated!
I love card games. And Blizzard.
I collapsed onto my back and stared up at the ceiling through blurry eyes, unable to process everything that had just happened. I’d always known this day would come but, now that it was here I just…I couldn’t handle it. Short of dad finding out and killing me this was the worst possible outcome I could imagine. It was maybe even worse. At least if dad killed me then I wouldn’t be feeling anything. And I wouldn’t have heard all the things mum had said.
She was…she’d…
She’d said such horrible things…
A horrible emptiness grew in my body and painful sobs wracked my body as I cried, but I could barely hear myself. My ears were ringing and a thick numbness was consuming my mind. I felt so awful, worse than I could ever remember feeling before. It was hard to breathe through my nose and I had to take strangled gasps through the sobs, making me feel even worse. I felt like I’d fallen into a black void and was slowly suffocating, the air around me crushing my body. All I could think about was how horrible I felt and how utterly alone I was. Normally if I felt even a fraction as bad as I did now I’d go to mum and she’d snuggle with me and tell me everything was going to be okay. And she wouldn’t leave me until I was feeling better, no matter how long that took.
But she wouldn’t comfort me now.
She’d murdered our relationship! She wasn’t going to treat me like a girl anymore. No more hugs or snuggles, or playful games or cute names like sweetheart. She was going to treat me like a boy. Like Jason. Jason! She didn’t even hug him! The most she ever did was pat him on the head. Was that all I was going to get now? Instead of the warm, comforting hugs that went on for ages I’d just get a pat on the head and a smile? Why? I couldn’t deal with that! Why would she do this to me? Why wou-
Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad.
‘No…’ I whimpered and clapped my hands over my ears, despite the voice having come from my mind. From my memories. ‘Don’t say that!’
This is all my fault! I fucked you up so badly!
‘I-I’m not fucked up! Don’t s-’
Just…look at you. You’ve gone so far as to steal hormones and change your body just to be like me. That’s so fucked up! I should-
‘Shut up!’ I screamed and sat up, my entire body shaking with anger and disgust. ‘Shup up, shut up, SHU-’
You can’t be a girl.
You can’t be a girl, Alex.
You know that.
If you can’t learn to accept that you’re a boy then the rest of your life is going to be very painful.
Bad.
Wrong.
Fucked up.
I fell onto my side as the voice washed over me and let the void crush me.
It was all I could do. All-
…
No.
No!
‘Fuck!’ I screamed and slammed my fist into the ground, a searing hatred burning through my stomach. It was the same feeling that had ran through me while listening to Tom talk about Grandpa.
Why the hell was I so sad? I should be furious, not a sobbing mess! This whole situation was fucked up and unfair and wrong! Mum didn’t make me like this. It had nothing to do with her! Why was she wrapping up my problems in her stupid guilt and screwing me over? How dare she say I was fucked up, or that our relationship was wrong. Did she even know how that would make me feel? Did she even care? Now that she’d suddenly decided I wasn’t her substitute daughter had she stopped caring about me?
And why the hell had she even needed a substitute daughter? She said she needed to be loved so she’d encouraged me to hug her all the time? I would have done that without encouragement! Loving my mum didn’t make me a girl. I’d wanted to be a girl si-
You can’t be a girl.
I hiccupped and shook my head. ‘No! Shut up!’
You can’t be a girl, Al-
‘I said shut up!’
You can-
I snarled and dug my fingers into the wound on my arm, then screamed as pain exploded through it. It drowned out the voice and I gasped in relief, and then tore my fingers back through the wound. It hurt so badly, but it felt so good! Simple, easy to understand pain. My anger began to fade and I hiccupped again, starting to feel more normal.
‘Shit…’ I breathed and rubbed my wet eyes. ‘Think. I need to think! Uhm…shit…’
I could try and figure out why mum thought she’d made me like this later! For now, I just needed to figure out how to convince her that she was wrong, so she’d go back to treating me like she always did. And more than that, maybe even take me to see a psychologist who specialised in tr-
You’re not a transsexual.
‘Uuurgh!’ I grabbed my wound again and squeezed it, a sick feeling appearing in the pit of my stomach along with the pain.
This was bad. I’d never heard voices in my head before. Was I going insane? It wasn’t like they were voices of strangers telling me what to do though, just memories of what mum had said to me. Did that make a difference? Did I need to worry about this, or was it only happening because I was so upset?
Well…either way, I couldn’t do anything about it now. I needed to focus on mum. I had to find a way to convince her that I’d always wanted to be a girl, and that it had nothing to do with her.
Simple enough. So, how was I supposed to do that?
…
Uh…
‘Why do I even want to be a girl?’ I looked up at the ceiling and then back down at the floor, unable to think of an answer.
I didn’t know why I wanted to be a girl! I’d just always wanted to be one, for as long as I could remember. There wasn’t any moment that I could recall that made me hate being a boy, or any sudden realisations that I was a girl or something. I just knew, like I knew how to breathe or swallow food. I hadn’t learned it, it’d just always been there. A feeling of wrongness with my body and the role I was expected to fill as a boy, and a deep longing to be a girl. And the older I got the stronger the feelings became, more intense and difficulty to ignore. And…so awfully painful. The feeling of wrongness got so ba-
Our relationship is wrong. It’s bad.
I fucked you up so badl-
‘Oh my god! Shut up!’ I clamped my hands over my ears and groaned miserably. ‘What the hell! Go away!’
I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. The voice…I was only hearing it when I got really upset, to the point that my chest hurt. I needed to calm myself down and f-
‘Oh god!’ I yelped as my door slammed open and Ashley appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide with excitement. Her shoulder-length brown hair was unevenly brushed behind her ears and her messy fringe was dangling over her thin eyebrows. She was still in the school’s white shirt and grey skirt, but they were slightly crumbled and the shirt was untucked.
‘I told you to leave him alone!’ mum’s furious voice came from down the hallway and I heard her footsteps thumping down the hallway. ‘Ashley!’
‘I just want to talk to him!’ Ashley shouted back and stepped into the room, looking at me as if I were a rare breed of cat. ‘Hey Alex…how are you?’
I just started stupidly at her, unsure of what she was doing here. School surely couldn’t be over yet?
Before I could ask anything mum stormed into the room and glared at Ashley, her hair still a mess and her eyes red.
‘Out. Now!’
‘No.’ Ashley walked past me and dropped herself down on the edge of my bed. ‘I’m not leaving until I talk to Alex.’
‘What’s going on?’ I looked anxiously between Ashley and mum.
‘Your sister decided to skip school because she didn’t think anyone besides you would be home.’ Mum answered, not looking at me. ‘Jen told her about you getting inj-’
‘Oh, who cares about that now?’ Ashley leant down and stared intently at me. ‘You’ve seriously been taking my pills for eleven months? I thought it was for only like a month or something!’
‘W-what?’ I stared at mum in horror. ‘You told her?’
Mum pushed both of her hands through her hair and sighed wearily, still not looking at me. ‘She’d already figured out that you were stealing her hormones from our conversation last night, so I told her what we talked about today so that she wouldn’t bother you with questions, but-’
‘Obviously that was a mistake,’ Ashley finished for mum, still looking at me, ‘because there’s no way I’m just going to stay in my room after finding out that you’re actually a transsexual.’
‘Ashley!’ mum’s eyes darkened and she pointed at the exit. ‘Your brother doesn’t want you in here so get out!’
Ashley smiled down at me. ‘That’s not true. You want me in here, don’t you?’
I looked at her and rubbed my tear-stained face, trying to think. I really did need someone to talk to after everything that had just happened, but…Ashley? She was constantly blaming me for dad’s bad moods and smacking me on the head, treating me like I was some kind of ill-mannered puppy. And she’d tried to grab my chest a few hours ago! She wasn’t someone I trusted at all, but…
I really didn’t want to be alone right now.
I swallowed and looked at her. ‘Are you going to be mean to me? Or try to grab me again?’
She leant back up and looked solemnly at me, something I’d never seen her do before. ‘No. I promise.’
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘O-okay then.’
‘Yeah! There you go.’ Ashley beamed at mum. ‘Now could you give us some privacy?’
‘You want priv-’ mum’s face contorted with rage and she cut herself off with a sharp hiss. ‘Fine then! Do whatever the hell you want. Just don’t te-’
‘I’m not going to tell dad, don’t worry. Everything that’s said in here stays between the two of us. Dad’s got nothing to do with it,’ she smiled crookedly and looked at mum with wild eyes. ‘He doesn’t really have all that much to do with Alex anyway, does he? Maybe I shoul-’
‘Don’t.’ Mum’s voice was a mixture of anger and fear and her entire body tensed up. I looked at her in surprise but she still refused to look at me. ‘I get the point. I’m going.’
‘Yeah. Good.’ Ashley eyes stared coldly at mum, who stared back with a quiet rage.
‘You’ve got half an hour.’ she finally said and then left the room, closing the door shut behind her after giving Ashley one last displeased look. ‘Don’t waste it.’
‘What was that about?’ I immediately asked Ashley, but she shook her head.
‘Nothing important.’
‘But what did she mean, she gets the point? What-’
She pushed herself off the bed and I my words ended in a squeak as she towered over me. She was around Jen’s height so I only just came up to her chest, and even if she wasn’t so athletic she’d have still be far larger than me. Her murky-green eyes washed over me and I started to shake, sure that she was about to hit me. But instead a pitying expression appeared on her face and she smiled sadly.
‘So, you’re a girl then, huh?’ she asked in a gentler tone that I’d expected.
‘I-I guess so.’ I blushed and looked away. ‘You’re not angry?’
‘No,’ she leant down a little so we were closer to eye level, and didn’t continue speaking until I met her eyes. ‘I’ve thought that you might be trans for a while now so I’ve gotten used to the idea. You’ve always been stupidly girly, way more than I’ve ever been, so it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together.’
I looked at her in surprise. ‘It wasn’t?’
‘No,’ she smirked and gently pulled on my blonde hair. ‘Your hair’s longer and better maintained than mine is, you love being hugged and called stupidly cute names like sweetheart and stuff, you adore cute things, you’re overly emotional and refuse to do anything even remotely manly, and so many other things. It’s pretty obvious when you sit down and think about it for a while.’
My throat tightened at her words and I shook slightly. ‘Y-you’re okay with it then? Me wanting to be a girl?’
‘Yeah, I am,’ she smiled and her whole face lit up in a way I’d never seen before. ‘You’re-’
‘What? Why?’ I blurted out, my confusion getting the better of me. ‘Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden? I thought you hated me!’
‘You think I hate you?’ she looked hurt and I blinked at her in surprise. ‘Why?’
‘Because you’re always hitting me on the head and saying that it’s my fault dad’s in a bad mood when it’s not!’
‘And that means that I hate you, does it?’ she raised an eyebrow and pointed at my bandaged arm. ‘If I hated you then I’d being hurting you like that all the time, not just lightly smacking you on the head and complaining about crap.’
‘Uh…’ I suddenly turned red, feeling stupid. That was a good point. ‘W-well, you’re never nice to me!’
‘Yeah, well, you’re never nice to me,’ she countered. ‘When was the last time you asked me how I was? Or how my basketball team was going? Hell, you didn’t even know that Jen was my best friend until today!’
Her words stung like little bees stabbing me in the chest, but I refused to back down. ‘W-well, you don’t know who my best friend is!’
‘Really,’ she looked at me flatly and then walked over to Sally, who was lying sadly on her back in front of the bookshelf. ‘I’m guessing she’s your best friend? The one soft toy that survived dad’s purge? Or if we’re talking about living humans then I’d say mum’s your best friend, as sad as that is.’
‘W-h-wh?’ I stammered out nonsense and then just stared at her, completely taken by surprise.
‘I do pay attention to your life, you know,’ she smiled lopsidedly at my stunned expression. ‘It’s how I realised you were trans so fast. You’re my brot-sister, you know. I care about you, even if I don’t show it.’
I almost started crying when she called me her sister, but I forced myself to stop so I could keep asking questions. ‘Why don’t you ever show it then? I’ve thought you didn’t want anything to do with me for years!’
‘It’s…complicated.’ She licked her lips and slowly bounced from one foot to the next. ‘It’s partly because of dad…I want to keep him in a good mood so he’ll keep giving me money and let me hang out at my friends’ houses, and because you’re pretty much his worst enemy I can’t be seen being nice to you.’
I frowned and rubbed my back, digesting that. ‘But what about when you’re not around him then? You hit me this morning and it was just you and me!’
She shrugged and looked guilty. ‘I get…annoyed…at you sometimes. Dad’s been in a bad mood ever since he lost his job, and it’s been getting worse because of you and mum. He barely pays me any attention anymore, which means that he’s not giving me any extra money or letting me go out at night as much.’
‘So? That’s not my fault.’
‘I know! I just…,’ she sighed and met my eyes. ‘I can be a bitch sometimes. I’m sorry.’
I scowled at her, not ready to accept her apology yet. ‘Do you even like dad then? Or do you just hang around him so he’ll be nice to you?’
‘What do you think?’ she smirked. ‘My best friend’s a lesbian and he’s a piece of shit homophobe. Of course I’m just pretending to like him.’
I felt like part of my world had just been turned upside-down and I licked my lips, my tired brain trying to put everything together. Ashley wasn’t at all who I’d thought she was. Or, well, not completely anyway. I really didn’t like that she hung around dad even when she didn’t like him, just to get money and more freedom. I’d sooner cut off my arm than pretend to like dad just so he’d be nice to me! And I felt like she wasn’t mentioning something important, something that better explained why she’d been so mean to me in the past, but I doubted she’d tell me what.
I rubbed my sore eyes and sighed, starting to feel sleepy. ‘Why are you telling me all of this now anyway?’
‘Because…,’ she scratched the back of her head and then put her hands on her hips, beaming at me. ‘Well, I thought that maybe this is a chance for us to start things over!’
‘Start things over?’
‘Yeah!’ she nodded eagerly. ‘Before, I wasn’t sure if you were really trans so I was worried that bringing it up would offend you. But now that I know that you are, and you know that I don’t hate you, then…yeah! Let’s be…sisters, Alex. Or do you have a girls na-gah? What’s wrong?’
I burst into tears and a thick wave of emotions crashed into me, making my legs start to shake. She wanted to be sister!
A strangely joyful, satisfied feeling appeared in my stomach, but it was almost immediately drowned in an ocean of despair and hopelessness that made me almost vomit.
You can’t be a girl.
You can’t be a girl, Alex.
‘N-no! I’m not your sister!’ I moaned and clutched at my chest. ‘Mum isn’t going to let me transition, and if dad even finds out about it he’ll kill me! And there’s no way I’m going to be able to take hormones again! Mum’s going to make sure of that.’
‘W-well, yeah but, you’re still a girl on the inside, right?’ Ashley smiled hopefully. ‘Isn’t that how it works?’
‘W-what does it matter what I feel on the inside if I can’t be it on the outside?’ I sniffed and rubbed my leaking eyes.
‘You do look like a girl on the outside though. You’re beautiful, Alex.’ she said quietly and I froze, staring into her unusually soft eyes.
‘W-what?’
‘You inherited all of the best parts of mum,’ she continued with a small smile, ‘and my pills just enhanced them. I’m…jealous. So jealous that I hate you sometimes. You’re so much more attractive than me, even though your body hasn’t finished developing yet. You were born a boy and you still look better than me. So don’t say you don’t look like a girl on the outside, because you do! Do you know how lucky you are?’
‘I didn’t mean-I meant that it won’t last!’ I moaned, her words not making me feel any better. ‘Without hormones I’ll look like a boy again in a few months! And mum thinks that I want to be a girl because of her so she’s not going to take me to see a doctor or a psychologist that specializes in trans stuff! In a year I’ll be…I’ll be-’
My voice ended in a pained whine and I collapsed onto the ground as my knees gave out.
‘Alex?’ Ashley knelt down in front of me and looked unsure of what to do.
‘You don’t understand!’ I sobbed, unable to control myself anymore. ‘Without the hormones I’m going to go through puberty as a b-boy! And by the time I can get hormones again it’ll be too late to change things back to how they are now! Right now! This was the best chance I have to be a girl and it’s over! It’s over! And I didn’t even get to…get to be happy…I never even got to wear a dress or...or anything! It’s-it’s-’
I cut myself off with a strangled gasp as Ashley wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a fierce hug. She’d never hugged me before and I almost pushed her away just on reflex, but after a moment I gave in and hugged her back just as tightly.
Oh, god…after everything mum had said I didn’t think I’d ever be hugged again…
‘It’ll be okay.’ Ashley breathed as she rubbed my back. ‘We’ll speak to mum and get her to change her mind. I th-’
‘Sh-she said I can’t be a girl though!’ I sobbed and clutched at Ashley’s sides.
‘Well, she’s wrong. Because you’re already a girl, aren’t you?’ she put her hands on the sides of my head and gently forced me to look at her.
‘You’re my sister. And if mum doesn’t understand that then we need to make her understand that.’
‘How?’
‘I don’t know.’ She smiled widely. ‘We’ll think of something though.’
‘We? You’ll help?’ I sniffed.
‘Yes. I will,’ she looked past me for a moment. ‘And Jen might be able to help too. She knows a ton about transsexuals, and is pretty much the reason why I know as much as I do.’
‘Really?’ I blinked and then smiled weakly. Jen! I’d completely forgotten about her! And the maid café too. Was mum still planning on going to see it after school tomorrow?
‘Yeah! And she really likes you for some reason! I don’t know what happened between you two in the morning but you made a huge impression…’
I gasped softly and stopped listening to what Ashley was saying as a surge of excited hope ran through me.
Jen.
Jen!
Oh my god! Jen!
She might be able to help me get hormones!
To be continued!
Thankyou so much for reading! If you have any feedback please let me know ^.^
Hopefully the next chapter will be out sooner, but I don't know. Things are kind of messy over here to be honest. The reason I got so involved in Hearthstone was to escape from reality for a while. We'll see what happens!
Synopsis: Alex is a young boy who wants to be a girl, but has hidden this from everyone around him. That is, until he is saved from a bully by an older girl, Jen, who makes him an amazing offer: Work with her as a waitress at her sister’s themed café!
Unfortunately, things are falling apart in his home life and they get even worse when his mum finds out that he's been taking hormones.
Alex's life has changed for the worse, but he has some ideas about how to make it better
Authors note: We're finally onto the next day! Whew.
Thanks for all of the support, as always <3 <3
I tried to focus on what Ashley was saying but my mind kept turning back to Jen, trying to figure out if she’d help me get hormones. I’d only known her for a day so it was pretty unlikely, but I had to try. I’d do anything to get hormones again…
The right kind of hormones, anyway. I needed the exact same ones that Ashley used to take, as they were stronger than normal birth control pills. I’d read that they were even sometimes prescribed to actual transwomen so they were perfect for me. I wasn’t exactly sure why Ashley had been prescribed them and it could be impossible for Jen to even get them, but I could worry about that later. Right now I just needed to know whether or not she was actually willing to try.
She was a really nice person, so I could imagine her wanting to help me. The problem was that asking her to give me hormones was a really serious thing to do, because if she was caught doing so then she’d get into a lot of trouble. I’d be asking her to put herself at risk just to help me. And beyond that, the hormones could cause serious damage to me so she might not want to give them to me because of that. She’d already mentioned that it was dangerous for me to be taking them unsupervised.
So…asking her to just give them to me probably wouldn’t work, and I didn’t feel comfortable doing that anyway. I needed to offer her something in return so she wasn’t just risking herself for nothing. But what? I could tell her that I wouldn’t work at the café with her unless she gave me hormones. That sounded like a really mean thing to do though! She said she needed me and didn’t have much time to find a replacement, and I’d already said I’d do it. And besides, I really wanted to work there. I didn’t want to risk not being able to because she didn’t want to give me hormones.
Agh! That was like the only thing I had to offer her though! I didn’t have anything else, unless she was interested in video games or anime. I did have some rare limited edition DVD imports from Japan…
I was gently shaken out of my thoughts by Ashley, who grabbed my shoulders and frowned at me. Guilt stabbed through me and I blushed, realising that I should be giving her all of my attention. She’d been incredibly nice to me and I didn’t want to appear ungrateful.
‘Ah! Sorry!’ I shook myself and smiled at her. ‘What were you saying?’
‘Nothing important,’ she returned my smile. ‘What were you thinking about? You were lost in your head for like a minute.’
I considered telling her but immediately decided not to. I wasn’t sure if she’d be okay with Jen giving me hormones, and if she wasn’t then bringing it up might cause her to interfere in some way. It was too risky. I wasn’t going to ask her about her new hormones for the same reason. If I asked her if she could give them to me and she said no then she might tell mum that I’d asked, and both of them would be on higher alert.
‘I don’t know.’ I shrugged slightly and rubbed my face. ‘My mind kind of drifted off. I feel awful.’
She inspected me and then frowned in concern, taking her hands off my shoulders. ‘You look awful too. You should probably go lie down for a bit.’
I gasped. ‘I look awful?’
‘Yeah. Your eyes are all red and puffy and y-’
‘Oh god!’ I’d forgotten how much of an impact badly crying had on my face! I probably looked like some kind of horribly gooey, puffy worm monster! ‘Don’t look at me!’
‘Don’t be silly Alex!’ Ashley laughed as I jumped to my feet and grabbed some tissues from a box on my bookshelf. ‘You just look like you’ve been crying. It’s fine.’
‘No it’s not! I don’t want-ah!’
The bedroom door swung open and mum walked into the room, her eyes fixated on Ashley. I hadn’t even heard her walk up the hallway and wondered briefly if she’d been listening in on our conversation. Was mum capable of doing something like that?
‘Right. Time’s up.’ she told Ashley, once again not looking at me.
‘What? You were seriously timing how long I was in here for?’ Ashley frowned. ‘That’s…creepy, mum.’
She scowled at her and then sighed. ‘Just…get out. I need to speak to Alex.’
Hope surged inside of me and I bounced over to her. Was she going to apologise for saying all those awful things? ‘What about?’
She smiled slightly. ‘You working at that café with Jen.’
‘Oh yeah!’ Ashley’s face lit up and she jumped to her feet. ‘Jen told me that she’s asked you to work with her! As a kitchen hand?’
I hesitated a moment before nodding, wondering if she actually knew what I was really going to be doing there. It’d probably be fine for me to tell her that I was going to be a waitress now, and she might be able to help me keep it a secret. If I was even going to be allowed to work there in the first place.
‘Are you going to let me work there?’ I asked mum, and to my relief she nodded.
‘I think it’d be really good for you to get some work experience. I spoke to your father about it on the phone and he agrees, so we’re both going to meet you at the café af-’
‘What? No!’ I blurted out before I could stop myself, and mum finally looked at me with her tired eyes. ‘I don’t want dad there!’
‘Alex…,’ her eyes looked down at the ground and she bit her lip for a moment before looking back at me. ‘He wants to be there. To support you.’
‘He what?’ I looked at her in confusion. ‘He wants to support me? What do you mean? He hates me!’
‘He doesn’t hate you, swee-Alex.’ Mum said awkwardly but Ashley snorted.
‘Uh, yeah, he does. W-’
‘I told you to leave.’ Mum snapped.
‘I do-’
‘Get out!’ she practically screamed and both Ashley and I flinched in horror. ‘Now!’
I took a step away from mum and stared at her with wide eyes. I’d never heard her raise her voice like that before!
Ashley swallowed nervously and shrugged. ‘F-fine. I’m going.’
‘Good.’ Mum said and stepped out of the doorway so she wasn’t blocking it.
‘I’ll umm…I’ll see you later Alex.’ Ashley said as she hurried to the bedroom exit.
‘Thankyou for talking to me.’ I waved weakly at her, wishing that she wouldn’t leave. I really didn’t want to be alone with mum right now.
She smiled quickly at me before leaving the room, and mum slowly closed the door behind her. I heard her mutter something angry under her breath and she stood facing the door for a moment.
‘Mum?’ I asked when what felt like a minute passed, and she jumped slightly.
‘Yes. Sorry,’ she turned around brushed her hands through her still-messy hair. ‘We need to talk about your father.’
‘Oh…’ I looked warily at her. Conversations about dad were never, ever good.
She gestured at me and swallowed. ‘There’s a chance that he knows your body’s…like it is.’
A cold shiver crawled down my spine. ‘What? How?’
‘He mentioned being suspicious of it when we were arguing in the morning, which is why I confronted you about it today. I’d been hoping to have a few more days to figure out what to do but…well, I ran out of time. I should have done this months ago.’ a frustrated expression appeared on her face and she gritted her teeth. ‘Anyway, your dad made some comments about your body shape and suggested that he…inspect you…to make sure that you’re still a boy.’
Oh god. ‘Inspect me?’
She nodded slightly. ‘He also asked me if I’d noticed your chest getting bigger, which is not good. You need to hide your…your uh…shape better.’
My shape? Did she mean my breasts? ‘I have been hiding it them though.’
‘Not well enough,’ she grimaced. ‘So tomorrow after school I need you to buy a much tighter singlet to disguise them before going to the café.’
I nodded vigorously. That was a good idea. ‘Okay!’
‘And avoid him for the rest of the day, and tomorrow morning,’ she continued. ‘I’m going to tell him that I talked to you about your body and that it’s fine, but I’m going to take you to see Dr Karin just in case. So if he asks you about it then make sure to tell him that so he doesn’t try to uh…inspect you.’
I tugged nervously on my shirt. ‘Will he really kill me if he finds out?’
‘No, but he won’t be happy,’ mum grimaced and looked away from me. ‘And…he’ll tell my father about it.’
‘And he’ll kill me.’
‘He won’t kill you,’ she answered after an awful moment’s hesitation. ‘But it’d be best if he didn’t find out. So don’t let dad find out.
‘I won’t.’ I muttered, wondering if other families had to hide things from their dads like this. Were all dads angry, unaccepting jerks?
‘Good. That’s all I wanted to talk about so I’ll…well, I’ll talk to you later I guess,’ mum looked around the room awkwardly and then opened the door. ‘Try to get some sleep. You don’t look too good.’
I looked at her for a moment, wondering if I should try and talk to her about wanting to be a girl again. I was exhausted though, and going to sleep sounded like an amazing idea. And besides that, I was scared of her yelling at me like she’d done to Ashley. That’d been terrifying.
So I just nodded at her, and she smiled tightly and left the room. No hugs like there used to be, no kind words about sleeping well or looking after myself, nothing. Just a bad smile and silence.
My chest tightened and I grabbed at it, feeling empty. This was all wrong! That whole conversation with mum had felt wrong and off, almost like I was talking to a stranger, or a teacher I didn’t know very well. Not mum, who was supposed to love me. Was she feeling like this too? She certainly wasn’t happy. Maybe I could use that to convince her to change her mind. She was making both of us miserable and there was no way that could be a good thing.
But, later. I could figure that out after I woke up. My thick, squishy bed and its cute kitten and bunny doona were calling out to me and right now they were the only things I could focus on. Sleep…
I crawled underneath the covers and submerged myself in its heavy warmth, hugging one of my pillows to my chest like I always did. I thought about the kitten cookies and a pang of sadness ran through me. Maybe everything would have been different if I’d have been able to share them with mum. She might have been too focused on how yummy they were to check my body and right now we’d be snuggling together instead of feeling miserable.
This was all Tom’s fault. What a jerk.
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I slept horribly. Nightmares assaulted my exhausted mind, ones full of people in shadows laughing at how disgusting I was while mum and dad watched and did nothing. Pain kept pulsating through my injured arm and leg, and I had awful dreams about rabid dogs trying to rip my limbs off. I woke up numerous times drenched in sweat and my head aching. It felt like I had some kind of fever, and when I did manage to fall back to sleep I flailed about as sickly, nonsensical dreams trickled through my consciousness.
By the time I finally managed to properly wake up light was trickling in underneath my blinds, and when I stared blearily at my alarm clock I was surprised to see that it was nearly eight forty in the morning. I’d slept through the rest of the day and all night! Why hadn’t anyone woken me?
‘Oh crap!’ I threw off my tangles bedsheets and slid off the bed. School started in twenty minutes!
My knee was stiff and sore, but it didn’t buckle under my weight so I grabbed my spare sports uniform and sped out of my bedroom. I needed to have a shower and maybe find something quick to eat before it was too late. I had to speak to Jen and I wanted to do it before school started, not at recess! The sooner I talked to her the sooner I’d start feeling better.
Unfortunately, my progression was halted by dad coming out of the kitchen. He was sipping at a steaming cup of coffee and had on the same ugly brown dressing gown that he’d worn yesterday. His face was badly unshaven and his beady eyes were unusually bloodshot, making him look like a depressed skeleton.
‘You’re awake.’ he commented, looking at me over his coffee.
‘I am! Why didn’t anyone come and wake me?’ I looked around in the hopes that someone else was home, but it looked like it was just dad and me.
‘Your mum said to let you rest,’ he wrinkled his nose in distaste and scratched at his thin moustache. ‘Apparently you’re so delicate that getting lightly beaten up warrants you a full days rest.’
‘What?’ I held up my bandaged arm. ‘I was really hurt!’
‘Bullshit. If you can stand up and walk around then it was a light beating,’ dad sniffed and walked closer to me. ‘And Ashley tells me you were saved by one of her friends? A girl?’
‘Yeah.’ I took a step away from him, as he smelt strongly like beer and sweat. ‘Jen.’
‘Fuck me. That’s pathetic, Alex,’ his beady eyes ran over my body and I resisted the impulse to cover my chest.
‘Why? She was older than me and really strong! Even To-the boy who was attacking me was scared of her.’
Dad snorted. ‘That just means he was pathetic as well. ’
I blinked, not sure how to feel about that. I hated Tom, but hearing dad call him pathetic made me angry for some reason.
‘Umm, well-’
‘Never mind that! What the hell do you think you’re doing, going out and getting a job?’ he snapped and I looked at him in surprise, taken aback by the sudden change of topic.
‘What?’
He scowled at me. ‘Are you trying to rub it in my face that I’m still unemployed?’
‘No! I just…the opportunity came up and I took it.’ I scratched my bandaged arm and looked at him in confusion. ‘I didn’t even think of you.’
His eyes narrowed and he gulped at his coffee before continuing. ‘Liar. I bet you think it’s hilarious that you’re going to be making money while I sit here looking for work all day. Like you think you’re better than me or something.’
‘I…I hadn’t even thought about getting paid.’ I blushed slightly. How had I never realised that before? Of course I’d be getting paid if I was working. Oh my god, that was awesome! Maybe I could give the money I earned straight to Jen to pay for the hormones!
‘Bullshit.’ Dad sneered. ‘I bet you’re fucking loving it. Arrogant little shit.’
I just blinked in confusion. Was he jealous of me? It seemed like it but, I was pretty sure the only reason he didn’t have a job yet was because he wasn’t looking, not because he couldn’t find one. Even he had to be able to find a job in six months! So why was he so angry? I never understood him. He was always so odd and kind of…not all there sometimes. There was something wrong with him, but I didn’t want to deal with that now.
‘Well, I need to have a shower so…’
‘Yeah, you go do that.’ he walked past me and dumped himself down on his armchair. ‘Get the hell out of my sight.’
I was more than happy to oblige and rushed off to the bathroom, where I quickly got undressed and removed the bandage on my arm. The cut looked horrible, a nasty red gash covered in dried blood, and I quickly looked away from it. Eww. I was going to have to wash it and bind it back up again, something I’d never had to do before. Usually mum would do those kinds of things for me but even if she was here I doubted she would this time. She’d probably say something about me being a boy and needing to look after myself because our relationship was wrong and bad and fucked up…and…and…
My chest tightened and I shook my head. No, now wasn’t the time to be thinking about mum! I had to focus on getting to school and speaking to Jen. Everything else could wait. Until I started hormones again, or-
Hormones! Oh my god. This was my first day without taking them.
I shivered and looked down at my body. How long would it take before it started reverting back into a boys one? A few days? A week? A month? Shit…I had no idea. And how fast would it happen too? Would it be slow or really fast, my body quickly forcing itself back into its normal form?
I imagined it in my head, my chest shrinking as my waist and shoulders got wider, and my hips squared off and became practically invisible. My body would become more angular and rough too, and I’d start growing facial hair! Facial hair!
‘No!’ I whimpered as a disgusting image popped into my head, one of me with a dark moustache like dads and a scraggly beard. ‘Oh fuck!’
With a gasp I dropped to my knees and carefully inspected my body to make sure that it was still as feminine as it had been the day before. My breasts were still tennis-ball sized, my hips were wide and smooth, my shoulders small and petite, and my skin soft and silky. I got up and checked the mirror, relieved to see the familiar girls face staring back at me. No facial hair or anything masculine! Just a pale, blonde-haired little girl with petite facial features, high cheekbones and a beauty spot underneath her right eye.
Just…me.
Nothing at all like dad.
I let out a huge sigh of relief and ran my hands through my hair. ‘I’ve still got time. It’ll be okay I’ve still got time. Oh god…it’ll be okay, right? Jen has to be able to help me!’
A sob welled up in my throat but I fought it off, desperately not wanting to cry. I was so sick of it! I’d cried so much yesterday, more than I think I ever had before, and my eyes were still sore from it. My chest felt a little sensitive too from all of the sobs. I didn’t want to go through all of that again. Especially now that mum wasn’t going to comfort me anymore…
With a shaky sigh I jumped into the shower and turned the water on as hot as I could bear. Usually I’d meander about and enjoy the burning warmth but I didn’t want to waste any time so I quickly got to work cleaning myself and the wound. It hurt so badly that I almost cried out it pain, but I gritted my teeth and just rubbed at it until it was clean. Then I quickly turned off the shower and dried myself, bound the wound back up with fresh bandages and changed into my spare sports uniform. It was exactly the same as my old one, but I’d brought a long-sleeved black shirt along to wear under it for warmth. The day looked like it was going to be as cold as yesterday and the absolute last thing I needed right now was to get sick.
With that done I rushed out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen, my stomach growling miserably. The only thing I’d eaten yesterday had been three slices of pepperoni pizza and it was probably why I’d slept for so long, and why I felt so drained. I needed food!
I inspected the fridge first but didn’t see anything I liked. There were some apples, some juice, slices of meat and yoghurt, but I didn’t want any of them. I wanted something sweet and chocolatey, not yucky and healthy. I closed the fridge and went to the cupboard opposite it, my eyes scanning the shelves for something amazing. To my annoyance I could see a packet of biscuits on the top shelf but it was far too high for me to reach. It’d probably been put up that high just so I couldn’t get to it, as mum knew how often I craved sweet things. Ugh! I scowled and looked around for anything that’d be passably okay and found some dry yoghurt-covered muesli bars. It wasn’t chocolate but it wasn’t fruit so I guess it’d do…
I grabbed two and immediately unwrapped one, almost completely devouring it in one go. There were some sq-
‘Nice to see you actually eating something.’ Dad’s said from behind me, and I spun around to see him putting his empty coffee cup into the sink.
‘Mufh.’ I agreed. ‘Foof ish ged.’
He grunted and then looked pointedly at me. ‘You got tits, Alex?’
I almost choked on the muesli bar and quickly swallowed it down, staring at him in horror. ‘Gah! W-what?’
‘Your chest. It looks like you’ve got tits sometimes.’ I winced at the word “tits” and he frowned at my chest. ‘Is there something wrong with your body?’
‘Uh,’ I remembered what mum had said the other day and scratched my shoulder. ‘I don’t know. Mum is taking me to see a doctor next week so umm…if there is something wrong with my body then we’ll know then. I guess.’
‘You don’t need a doctor to tell you whether or not you have tits,’ he stepped towards me, a strange expression on his face. ‘Or if your body’s unnaturally feminine. Show m-’
‘I have to go!’ I cried and fled out of the room, unable to stand being around him any longer. It felt like he was seconds away from ripping off my shirt and uncovering my breasts, and if that happened then I was dead.
‘Wait!’ he snarled after me but I just increased my pace.
I charged into the laundry where my schoolbag and sneakers were, grabbed them both and then ran out the back exit. Dad wasn’t following me but I didn’t care and continued at the same pace, running around the side of the house and into the front yard. I looked back at the house and to my horror I saw him looking at me from the living room window, looking disgusted.
Well, shit.
I probably could have dealt with that better. When I saw him next I was going to be in a lot of trouble…
But that wouldn’t be until after school! I could deal with it then. Right now I needed to figure out how to get Jen to give me her hormones. Once I did that then I could deal with family stuff…
To be continued
Thankyou for reading! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated <3 <3
This chapter felt a bit awkward to write for some reason, and I'm a bit worried that too much is happening over the course of one day and making the story feel stuffed and bloated. And maybe too many things are happening right after they're brought up?
Please let me know if this is the case. I've struggled with pacing in the past
Synopsis: Alex goes to school with a plan, but some run-ins with some a few people throw her off course
Authors note: I'm eating pizza! :D
Thanks for all of the support on the past chapters! It's the fuel that keeps my writing engine running!
I hope you all enjoy this one! Comments and kudos are appreciated!
I somehow managed to make it to school before classes started, although only barely. By the time I reached the row of oak trees behind the front gate there were only five minutes left before classes started and my injured leg was killing me. My knee was a burning circle of pain that was sending little streaks of lightning throughout my thigh and if Rise Grammar had been just another block away then I doubt I’d have been able to make it. I really should have been at home resting…
The year eleven lockers were in a long hallway connected to the IT building, which thankfully wasn’t too far away. I carefully rubbed my sore knee and began hobbling my way there, having to move around quite a few students as I did so. Yesterday Jen and I had gotten to school after classes had already started so things has mostly been quiet, but now there were people everywhere. There was a constant stream of students coming in front from the front exit, as well as a few sitting amongst the oak trees talking animatedly to each other. And when I reached the plaza it was a mess, full of teachers yelling at students who were being too rowdy or had uniform violations, such as girls wearing nail polish or boys with untucked shirts. If one of them noticed that I was in the sports uniform then I was going to have to explain why and I really didn’t have the time to waste on that. I was pretty sure that I needed a note from the school nurse or mum explaining about my injuries and I didn’t have either, so I was going to have to avoid notice.
Luckily, my small stature made me easy to miss and I stuck close to a group of older boys as they passed through the plaza, and I broke off from them as we reached the classrooms on the other side. The IT building was to the right, down a covered path that cut through a group of art buildings, and as I hurried down it someone shouted out my name. I blinked and looked around, but there were so many students walking down the path with me that I didn’t see who had called my name, and I didn’t recognize the voice. I couldn’t imagine what a stranger would want with me so continued along the path, but before I could even take a step someone tapped me on the shoulder and said my name.
I spun around and blinked in surprise as I saw girl from yesterday standing behind me, the one who’d come out of the nurse’s office and argued with Jen. Annie or something? She looked better than she had yesterday, as her blue eyes weren’t swollen red from crying and her long black hair was tied back in a loose ponytail that trailed over her right shoulder.
‘You’re Alex, right?’ her eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms under her chest. She wasn’t wearing the school’s blazer and her long-sleeved white shirt was untucked, its ends running down the front of her black skirt and admittedly looking pretty cool.
I tore my eyes away from her clothes and looked up at her. ‘Yeah, I’m Alex. You’re-’
‘Anya,’ she finished for me and jerked her head so the ponytail fell behind her back. ‘I want to talk about yesterday.’
I forced myself not to grimace and shook my head. Anya had been pretty awful yesterday and I really didn’t want to talk to her, especially when I needed to find Jen. ‘I’m sorry, but I ne-’
‘Why was Jen being so nice to you yesterday?’ she cut in, her voice almost shaking with anger.
I blinked and took a step back, starting to get nervous. ‘What?’
‘Jen’s not that nice to just anyone.’ Anya’s arms tightened underneath her chest and a look I didn’t recognize crossed her face. ‘Especially not someone she’s apparently only known for one day! What’s going on between you two?’
I took another step back, confusion mixing in with the nervousness. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You know that she and I used to date, right?’ she stepped closer to me. ‘So what she does and who she hangs out with is very important to me.’
‘I-okay?’
She leant down and glared at her. ‘Are you two dating?’
I stared at her in shock and then burst into a fit of giggles. ‘W-what? No! I only met her yesterday!’
Her face darkened as I giggled and she dropped her hands to her side, where they slowly clenched and unclenched. ‘So? She’s hooked up with people in less time than that.’
I blinked, not sure what to make of that. ‘Really?’
‘Yes. She’s hooked up with so many people…and I can’t…she won’t-won’t…’ Anya tapped her foot on the ground and looked to the side for a moment, biting her bottom lip. Then she shook her head and ran her hands through her hair, groaning angrily. ‘Fuck! I hate this shit! Why can’t everyone just leave her alone? Why’s everyone fucking with me?’
I swallowed and took a step backwards. I had no idea what Anya was talking about and I really didn’t want to. She seemed crazy and the last thing I needed right now was to get involved with someone like her.
‘Um, well, I need to g-’ I was cut off by her diving forward and grabbing me by the shoulders, her fingers digging into my flesh.
‘You know, you really fucked me over yesterday you little piece of shit,’ she snarled, shoving her face in front of mine. ‘If you hadn’t of been there then Jen would have talked to me and everything would have been fine! But it’s not, because of you! Another random fucking girl Jen’s decided she wants to fuck just to piss me off!’
‘Wha-I-I’m s-sorry!’ I squeaked in terror but she didn’t even seem to hear me.
‘Well I’m not going to let her! Or you! Or anyone else for that matter!’ her face shook with rage and thick tears started to fall from her eyes. ‘You and Andrea and Sophia and that fucking asshole Ashley can all fucking die for all I care! Just stay away from Jen! I need her and you don’t so just…just FUCK OFF!’
She shoved me backwards, hard, and I crashed onto the ground and tumbled onto my side. I let out a choked cry of pain and quickly pushed myself up into a kneeling position so I could see her, but she wasn’t following up her push with anything else. She was just staring down at me, her face a mask of hatred marred by tears.
‘Oh my god!’ gasped a girl who’d been watching us, and a few other people made concerned sounds as well.
‘Shit, man! They’re fighting!’ a tall boy exclaimed and suddenly more students were coming over, almost forming a circle around Anya and I.
My heart started to beat faster and I carefully got to my feet, unsure of what was going to happen. Anya was still glaring at me and seemed undeterred by the sudden attention we’d gained. Was she going to try and hit me? If so, would one of the students here intervene? I really hoped they would! Judging by her grip on my shoulders and the strength of her shove I wasn’t anywhere near strong enough to stand up to her. I looked around the crowd for a familiar face but all I saw were strangers, both boys and girls, all watching on with interest. There had to be about fifteen students watching at the moment, and more were joining them as they passed by. There were so many…
Too many. To my immense relief Anya finally seemed to notice them all and turned bright red as her body flinched slightly. She angrily rubbed her eyes and bowed her head, starting to shake even more, but this time clearly from embarrassment.
‘Stay away from Jen, or I’ll hurt you.’ she spat, and then charged past me and down the path leading to the plaza. I turned to watch her go as students quickly moved out of her way and a few of them voiced their disappointment that a fight hadn’t broken out, while others were still wondering what was going on.
My mouth had gone dry at her words and I just stared after her, feeling sick and dizzy. She was insane! I hadn’t done anything to her and yet she was acting like I was trying to ruin her life, just because Jen liked me? I couldn’t help that Jen liked me! Anya was way too attached to her! Creepily attached.
I really believed her when she said that she’d hurt me if I didn’t stay away from Jen.
But I wasn’t going to stay away. I needed Jen’s help, and if that meant being attacked by Anya then so what? If I didn’t get hormones then getting beaten up would be the least of my problems. And with Tom constantly harassing me it wasn’t like it’d be anything new. I could handle Anya, but I couldn’t handle not having hormones.
I scowled and then continued up the path, ignoring the few students that asked me what had happened. Anya had wasted way too much of my time already, and I needed to talk to Jen now more than ever.
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I reached the IT building just as the bell rang, and I quickly rushed into the large silver building in the hopes of intercepting Jen before she went to class. It was unlikely that I’d be able to talk to her for very long, but at the very least I’d be able to ask her to meet me at recces. Freaking Anya! She’d totally screwed me over!
The IT build was a very large place, and had once been a library. It was two storeys tall and the centre was divided up into numerous computing rooms, with the outside area serving as locker bays intermixed with the occasional bathroom and teacher’s office. The bottom floor was where most IT classes took place, as the upper floor was for specialised VCE electives such as programming and digital design.
As soon as I entered the building I was greeted by the scrambled mass of hundreds of students talking to each other, and saw that the hallway was so full of people that it was going to be very difficult to find Jen. The school’s large wooden lockers lined the grey walls and on the other side of the long hallway I could just about make out the stairs leading to the second floor, and they were likewise covered in students rushing up and down them.
This was not going to be fun. I’d never been in here unless I had an IT class before and didn’t actually know where Ashley’s lockers were. She’d just mentioned at the start of the year that they were in here, but there were two floors worth of lockers and I was pretty sure the years tens ones were in here as well.
Uurgh! I could so easily miss Jen while looking for her! I was just going to have to push my way through the students and hope that I got lucky enough to stumble into her, or maybe even Ashley. She’d probably know where Jen was, or could at least let her know that I needed to talk to her.
I was about to begin wading through the students when a girl entered the door and walked past me, her dark red hair bouncing around her small shoulders. I looked briefly at her and then gasped when I realised that I knew who she was. It was the girl who’d been in the café with Jen yesterday! Soph…something. She’d know where Jen was!
‘Umm!’ I stepped forward but she didn’t notice me, so I skipped around a boy tying up his shoelaces and stepped in front of her. ‘Excus-gah!’
I noticed too late that she had headphones on and was looking down at her smart phone, so she didn’t notice me at all and crashed right into me. She backed up in shock and I somehow managed to keep myself from falling over, despite my injured leg.
‘Shit! Are you okay?’ she tugged her headphones out and stared at me in concern.
‘I’m fine!’ I smiled quickly and brushed my hair out of my eyes to see her better. She was just over a head taller than me and had a round, friendly face with light brown eyes and cute dimples. ‘Sorry! I didn’t realise you had headphones on.’
She studied me and a smile of recognition lit up her face. ‘Hey! You’re that girl from the café yesterday.’
‘I am! I’m Alex!’ I considered offering her my hand to shake but that seemed weird so I just smiled instead.
‘Sophia,’ she smirked and brushed her hair behind her ears. ‘Let me guess. You’re looking for Jen, right?’
‘I-yeah.’ I looked at her suspiciously. ‘How did you know that?’
‘Lucky guess,’ she smiled lopsidedly, putting her smart phone safely away in her skirt pocket. ‘She should be at her locker by now. I’ll show you where it is.’
I gasped and clapped my hands together excitedly. ‘Really? Thankyou!’
‘No problem.’ she nodded and began walking through the crowd, which was slowing thinning out. ‘Follow me.’
We didn’t get much of a chance to talk while we walked through the crowd, as people were constantly forcing us to separate so they could pass by, and people were talking and laughing so loudly that all I could really hear was mess blur of noise. When we finally reached the staircase the noise softened a bit and Sophia looked back at me with a smile.
‘So. Jen told me you’re going to work at the café with us.’
‘Oh, yeah.’ I blushed, not realising that Jen might have told some of her friends about that. I wasn’t sure if that was bad or not and didn’t have the energy to care right now. ‘You’re working there too?’
‘I am.’ she bounced up the wooden steps and I struggled to keep up her pace. ‘It’s kind of surreal, isn’t it? Working at a maids café. I used to think they were only in Japan, but apparently there’s a few in Melbourne.’
‘There are! I’ve been to one before and it was really good.’ I squashed myself against the staircase wall as a body thundered down them and almost hit me and was pleased to hear a teacher yell at him when he reached the bottom. ‘I can’t wait to see what Jen’s one is like. She’s taking me there after school and I’m really excited.’
‘You should be. It’s…brilliant.’ Sophia’s dark eyes shone seriously. ‘Like walking into another world. I can’t wait to see what it’s going to be like when there are actual customers in it. It’s going to be life changing for them.’
‘Life changing?’
‘Yes.’ she laughed at my doubtful expression and jumped the last few steps onto the second floor. ‘You’ll understand when you see it. Oh! Have you gotten your uniform yet? They’re so cute aren’t they?’
‘I haven’t seen them yet!’ my heart leapt as I once again imagined myself dressed in a maids uniform. ‘I’m hoping that I’ll…get…to…huh…’
My voice trailed off into a strained squeak as I reached the stop of the staircase, and my heart crashed back down to earth so fast that my entire body shook. Walking towards me, deep in conversation with a teacher, was the absolute last person in the entire would that I wanted to see right now.
Grandpa. Grandpa! Holy crap! What was he doing here?
I froze at the top of the stairs and just stared at him, struggling to comprehend the fact that he was actually here, and that I’d run into him. He was dressed in a grey business suit and was holding a bunch of black folders, one of which was in the hands of the elderly teacher accompanying him. Like everyone in my family besides me, he was very tall. A large beer belly pushed up against his suit and made him look almost pregnant, while the rest of his body was thick and slightly droopy. He kept his greying-brown hair cut close to the scalp and had a mustache and goatee similar to dads. To my constant dismay he kind of resembled mum, as they both had high cheekbones and slight facial features, but his face was a mass of frown lines and wrinkles devoid of any beauty marks. He had a slight double chin too, and his eyes always had dark bags under them like he never got enough sleep.
He hadn’t seen me yet so I spun around and quickly squashed myself up against an empty locker, hoping that he’d be too busy talking to the teacher to notice me.
‘What are you doing?’ a tall boy using the locker next to me asked, looking suspicious. ‘That’s Reece’s locker.’
‘Oh.’ I whispered and turned my head slightly to look at him. He had a light brown complexion and large, expressive eyes underneath a messy black fringe. ‘Sorry, I’m…lost.’
‘Alex?’ I heard Sophia say from behind me, sounding confused. ‘What are you doing?’
‘She’s lost.’ the boy said, raising an eyebrow at her.
‘What?’ Sophia appeared next to the boy and looked at me in amusement. ‘That’s not Jen’s locker, Alex.’
‘She’s looking for Jen?’ he looked at me and then grimaced. ‘Oh. Another one, huh? How old are you?’
‘Huh? I’m thirteen.’ I said, distracted.
‘Wow. Another one from year eight, huh? I suppose it’s better than a year seven.’ he looked pointedly at Sophia, who shrugged uncomfortably.
‘Does it matter? She’s fifteen, not thirty.’ she muttered.
‘I’m in year nine, not eight. And what are you talking about?’ I asked, scared of drawing grandpa’s attention but unable to stay silent.
‘Nothing.’ Sophia said before the boy could reply. ‘Don’t worry about what Dale said. He’s bitter.’
‘Yeah. I’m just a bitter old man, aren’t I?’ he smirked and began to walk off. ‘But whatever. None of my business.’
I looked after him, something tugging at the back of my mind. Anya had said some weird things about Jen when she’d yelled at me that I hadn’t really thought about until now. She’d said something about me being another random girl that Jen wanted to…fuck…and that Dale guy had made it sound like people my age came looking for Jen a lot. Not to mention that Sophia had been able to guess exactly why I was in the IT building just from looking at me as well.
I…didn’t quite know what to think of all of that. I guess Jen dated a lot of girls my age? Did that matter? Dale had made it sound like a bad thing for some reason. I’d heard some of the kids in my class call some girl’s sluts because they slept with a lot of guys, but Ashley had told me once that there wasn’t anything wrong with that. So I guess Dale was just a jerk then. Maybe?
Ugh! It didn’t matter anyway! I was just going to ask Jen for hormones, not for a date. I was getting distracted!
‘Is that man gone?’ I asked Sophia, who was looking thoughtfully at me. ‘The one in the black suit?’
She frowned slightly but looked around the hallway. ‘No, he went down the stairs. Why?’
‘No reason.’ I carefully looked around the hall and was immensely relieved to see that grandpa was indeed gone. ‘Sorry! Where’s Jen’s locker?’
‘Right over there,’ Sophia pointed to the far end of the hallway, but I couldn’t make anything out. ‘Who was that man?’
I hesitated for a moment and then decided to tell her the truth. She’d been nice to me and I couldn’t see any reason to lie. ‘My grandpa. He’s…not a nice person.’
‘Ohh. Is he a teacher here?’
‘No. I don’t know why he’d be here.’ I shrugged weakly.
‘Well, if he was then he’s not anymore.’ Sophia smiled. ‘Come on, let’s go and see Jen.’
‘Yes!’
I pushed out thoughts of grandpa and Jen’s dating habits out of my head and focused on hormones. They were what was important, nothing else. I needed to focus!
Focus! Focus!
As I followed behind Sophia we finally reached Jen’s locker, and she was indeed there. Leaning back against it while a taller, blonde-haired girl was pushing up against her. She was smiling softly and running her hands though Jen's hair while Jen grabbed her waist, her face flushed and her eyes wide.
I gasped as I saw them and a strange, lightweight feeling appeared in my stomach as my chest tightened.
Focus…fo…cus…f…ah...uhm...
To be continued!
Synopsis: Jen gets to know Alex a little better.
Authors note: So, this is a much more light-hearted chapter! This is how Alex is when she's happy, which is kind of something I haven't gotten to show too much outside of the first few chapters.
Thankyou for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated, as always!
(It took so long to get this chapter out despite how short it was because I had no idea what to call it >.< I'm very...naked)
I just stood next to Sophia and watched as Jen and the older girl held each other, not really sure what to do. In my head I’d expected her to be taking her books out of her locker or something, not locked in the embrace of a beautiful older girl. I noticed absently that she was dressed in the normal school uniform today, a short-sleeved white shirt and black stockings underneath a grey mid-thigh length skirt. Her shirt was untucked too, and it looked far better on her than it did on Anya.
The blonde-haired girl noticed us first, slowly extracting her long fingers from Jen’s silky hair and turning to look at us with a curious smile. She was quite pale and very petite facial features with mismatched eyes. One of them was deep amber and the other was a pale grey, and had quite a large pupil. Her dark blonde hair was neatly parted in the middle and reached down to her collarbone, where it curved slightly inwards and rested just above her generous cleavage. She had undone the first couple of buttons on her shirt to show them off and uh…uhm…
It was distracting me! I’d never seen that much of a girls breasts before! They were gently squashed together and I could see the pink lace of the bra she was wearing. I was feeling a strange mixture of jealous and…something else.
‘Hello there,’ she said in a soft voice when she saw me, and a smiled alighted her red lips. ‘Who might you be?’
‘Alex?’ Jen let go of the girl and came over, looking happy to see me. ‘What are you doing here sweetie?’
‘Uh…’ I swallowed and just stared at her, realising that I had no idea what to say. I’d totally failed at focusing! ‘Hi!’
‘Hi,’ she laughed and then looked at my injured arm. ‘How are you feeling after yesterday? Ashley told me that you were staying home to recover.’
‘I was-’ I stopped as the blonde-haired girl stepped forward and put her hands on the sides of my face, her eyes staring deep into mine. ‘U-uhm…’
‘Who is this, Jen?’ she breathed and pushed my hair behind my ears. The scent of peaches and flowers washed over me and I blushed even harder. ‘She’s gorgeous.’
I just stared at her, completely at a loss as to what to do. Nobody had ever just come up to me and touched my face before, but her fingers were so soft and warm that it wasn’t unpleasant. Just…odd.
‘Oh. Alex, this is Ellie. Ellie, Alex.’ Jen beamed.
‘I’m here too, you know.’ Sophie muttered from next to me and Jen grinned at her.
‘Is this the girl you told me about last night?’ Ellie asked.
‘Yes! She’s our final waitress.’ Jen beamed at me.
‘Do you are?’ I asked Ellie and then blinked, releasing that made no sense. I swallowed and tried again. ‘A-are you working there too?’
She flicked her hair behind her head and stared wide-eyed at Jen. ‘I like this one, Jen! You should keep her.’
Jen turned bright red and looked away, scratching her cheek. ‘D-don’t say that, Ellie.’
‘Say w-’
‘We all really need to get to class.’ Sophia said over me and I looked around to see that practically everyone else in the hallway had gone.
‘Yes, I need to go,’ Ellie sighed and then quickly kissed Jen on the cheek. ‘I’ll see you later, babe.’
‘Bye!’ Jen blushed and kissed her on the cheek as well.
The two girls stared at each other for a couple of seconds before Ellie turned around with a pleased smile and slowly walked off, seemingly unconcerned about how late it was.
‘Umm…Jen,’ I was feeling slightly more confident now that Ellie had gone. ‘Can I talk to you for a moment?’
‘Sure,’ she tore her eyes away from Ellie and smiled at me. ‘What’s up?’
‘I’ll meet you at class.’ Sophia said as she knelt down in front of the locker next to Jen’s and unlocked it. ‘Want me to tell Mr Barnes anything?’
Jen looked thoughtfully at me and then shook her head. ‘Nah, I’ll talk to him later.’
She grabbed some books from her locker then closed it. ‘Alright then. I’ll see you…whenever, I guess.’
‘Yep.’ Jen smirked at her. ‘Have fun at class!’
Sophia gave her a dark look and then smiled at me. ‘Bye Alex! Let me know what you think of the café.’
‘I will!’ I beamed at her. ‘Thanks for leading me here.’
‘No problem.’ she waved at us and then began to quickly walk back towards the staircase, the only other student here besides Jen and I.
‘So!’ Jen put her hands behind her back and leaned down slightly. ‘What do you want to talk about?’
I focused on her and tried to think of a way to somehow explain everything that had happened yesterday. I couldn’t just blurt out that I needed hormones, and telling her what had happened last night with mum wasn’t going to be easy. How was I even supposed to start a conversation like that? Crap! I needed more time to think. I shouldn’t have come here so soon, dammit! This was a dumb idea. I needed more time to think...
‘Umm, well we can talk at recess if you want!’ I said, hoping she’d decided to go off to class. ‘I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.’
‘It’s fine,’ Jen waved away my concern and looked around at the empty hallway. ‘I don’t really feel like school today anyway, to be honest. You wanna go someplace else?’
I frowned slightly, not sure what she meant. ‘What?’
‘You’re not supposed to be at school today, right?’ her eyes shone excitedly. ‘So your mum’s probably called up reception and told them that you’re going to be absent, which means that you can do whatever you want today!’
‘I-I guess it does.’ I scratched the back of my head, wondering where we could go to talk. I wasn’t too fussed about missing first period, as Jen was probably right about mum having called up and told them I wasn’t coming in today. ‘Oh! Did you want to go to the library? It’ll be really warm in there, and not many people will be around this early.’
‘The…library?’ Jen stared stupidly at me and then exploded into a loud, delighted laughter. ‘Oh god, Alex! You’re so innocent!’
‘Huh?’ I started at her in bewilderment, but when she didn’t stop I started to get annoyed. ‘What’s so funny?’
‘Oh, sweetie,’ she got control of myself and looked at me in fascination. ‘I don’t want to go to the library! I’m asking you whether or not you want to skip school.’
I blinked a few times. ‘Oh.’
‘Yeah,’ she smiled crookedly at me, her eyes still shining with laughter. ‘Let’s spend the day in town. We can talk over a coffee and then go shopping before I show you the café. Come on!’
‘W-wait!’ I cried as she began to walk down the hallway. ‘What about you? Won’t you get in trouble?’
‘I’ll get my sister to take care of it,’ she shrugged. ‘She’ll call up the school and tell them I came home sick or something.’
I hesitantly walked after her, my pace still slightly impacted by my leg. I’d never skipped school before! I’d pretend to be sick to a teacher sometimes so I could stay in the nurse’s office, or sometimes I’d skip a particular class I just wasn’t in the mood for (usually maths), but that was it. Skipping an entire day was…weird. I wasn’t going to get in trouble for it today but it still didn’t feel right.
‘Umm!’ I reached up to her just as she neared the stairs. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yeah!’ she beamed and brushed her hands down her shirt.
‘I don’t k-’ I gasped as she grabbed her hands and pulled me closer to her.
‘I like you, Alex. A lot,’ she leant forward and some stray strands of her hair brushed against my cheeks. Her cheeks were slightly red and her eyes smouldered. ‘I want to spend more time with you. You’re not doing anything right now, and neither am I, so let’s go get to know each other a little better.’
I swallowed, my chest tightening. Her hands were so warm and strong…, ‘O-okay.’
She squeezed my hands and then released them. ‘Then let’s go! Before a teacher sees us and asks why we’re not at class.’
I nodded slightly and then followed her down the stairs, my head floaty and hot. She’d…she’d said she liked me. A lot! Was she going to try and kiss me again? Were we going on a date right now? What was going on!
Excitement ran through me and for the first time since mum had found out about my hormones I found myself completely distracted from my problems. All I could think about was Jen, of the warmth of her body when she’d hugged me yesterday and how beautiful she was. She was so kind and pretty and strong…
I…I really liked her…
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We managed to reach the school gates without drawing the attention of any teachers. The sun was free from the clouds that’d been harassing it yesterday and a pleasant breeze was rolling through the streets, bringing with it the scent of fresh coffee and dead leaves.
‘Phew!’ Jen stretched luxuriously outside the schools gate, and then looked at me as I walked up. I’d been trailing behind her for a bit now, unable to put as much weight on my leg as before. ‘How’s your knee doing?’
‘It’s okay.’ I lied, stopping next to her and tentatively rubbing it. I could feel bruises around the kneecap and winced when I touched one.
‘Why aren’t you home resting?’ she brushed her hair to the side and grinned at me. ‘You seemed pretty happy yesterday about being able to miss school.’
‘I was.’ I grimaced slightly and looked out at the street where Tom had attacked me. Things had changed so much since then, and it’d only been a day. What would my life be like in a week? Or a month? I couldn’t even imagine it a year from now.
‘Why did you come here today?’ Jen stepped in front of me, smiling slightly. ‘Because you needed to talk to me?’
I blushed and looked away. ‘Y-yeah…’
‘Really?’ she sounded delighted and stepped sideways so she was in front of me again. ‘What’s so important?’
I spun away and rubbed my cheeks, feeling like an idiot. ‘I-It’s hard to talk about!’
‘Why?’ she bounced in front of me and put her hands behind her back, leaning down and staring intently into my eyes. ‘What is it?’
I swallowed as stared into her eyes, unable to think clearly with her looking at me like that. Her eyes were so striking, dark blue gems ringed by long, thick eyelashes accented by perfectly applied mascara. I was simultaneously jealous of how pretty they were and attracted to them.
‘Tell me!’ she continued, grinning widely. ‘Or I’ll start to think that you’re trying to ask me out on a date or something.’
‘I’m not!’ my heart squished slightly but I ignored it. ‘B-besides, aren’t you and Ellie dating?’
Jen laughed and then straightened, flicking her hair behind her shoulders. ‘No. We’re just friends.’
‘What? Really?’ I hadn’t expected her to say that and looked at her in surprise.
‘Yeah, I know. It looks like we are, but we’re not. It’s…,’ her eyes grew distant and she smiled slightly, ‘complicated.’
‘What does that mean?’
‘I don’t know, to be honest.’ Jen laughed. ‘I really like her though. She has this…I don’t know, presence about her that just flows over you and makes you feel special.’
I remembered how I’d felt around her and nodded vigorously. ‘She does!’
‘Plus, she’s got great boobs.’ Jen grinned and I gasped, embarrassment flooding through me. Had she noticed how distracted by them I’d been? Oh god!
‘I-I didn’t-not that-I-WAGH!’ I squealed as Jen squeezed my sides and burst out laughing.
‘You’re so cute!’ she giggled as I frantically escaped her hands. ‘You were like this yesterday too. Talking about boobs really upsets you, huh?’
‘No!’ I huffed, although I could feel the sides of my lips twitching into a smile. I really liked it when she grabbed my sides! It was like what mum did sometimes when she was in a playful mood and I was being slightly bratty. ‘I can talk about b-b-breast fine! It’s just not what I want to talk about right now.’
‘Really?’ Jen’s eyes were wide with amusement. ‘What do you want to talk about then?’
I bit my bottom lip, thinking fast. I still wasn’t ready to talk about hormones, especially when I was in an actually good mood. But I needed to say something otherwise she might think that I really had come here today just to ask her out on a date! Agh!
‘I’m hungry!’ I blurted out, unable to think of anything else to say. Jen blinked and raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.
‘Alright…we ca-’
‘I’m not hungry! That was a lie,’ I gasped, abruptly remembering that there was actually something that I really needed to do. ‘I have to get a really tight shirt to hide my chest.’
‘O-okay.’ Jen scratched her hair and looked around the street, ‘Well, we can go to the mall if you want. I know some good places in there.’
‘Okay!’ I beamed at her. We could go shopping and I could figure out a way to bring up needing hormones along the way. Perfect!
‘The mall’s pretty far away though.’ Jen looked doubtfully at my leg. ‘Are you going to be okay walking there?’
‘Yep! It’s only ten minutes away.’ I could probably manage that.
‘With how slow you’ve been walking it’s probably more like forty minutes away.’ she said and then smiled widely. ‘Want another piggyback?’
‘No!’ I turned scarlet. ‘My leg’s not that sore!’
‘It’ll get worse the more you use it,’ she put a hand on my head and her cheeks turned slightly pink. ‘And besides, I really liked how you felt up there yesterday. Let me give you a piggyback.’
‘Uhm.’ I swallowed, my quite sure how to take that. ‘Won’t you get tired though?’
‘Nah. I’ve carried cats that’ve weight more than you.’ she smirked and my eyes widened with delight.
‘Mew!’ I pawed happily at her stomach and she giggled, rubbing my head. I meowed a few more times and started giggling too.
‘Alright! Hop on, kitten!’ Jen said after patting me on the head. She turned around and leant down like she had yesterday.
‘Meow!’ I leapt onto her back, full of excitement. Perhaps a bit too excitedly, as my momentum shoved her forward and she splatted face-first onto the ground. ‘Oh god! Are you okay?’
I slipped off of her as she got to her feet, and she turned around to stare at me with wide, anger-filled eyes. And then she burst out laughing so hard that she started to tear up, and it infected me. We were son both laughing uncontrollably for a good couple of minutes, something that felt amazing.
‘You idiot!’ Jen gasped when she finally got control of herself. ‘Don’t jump on me!’
‘I’m sorry. I got too enthusiastic.’ I beamed at her.
‘Yeah, you did!’ she laughed and then turned around. ‘Okay. Let’s try that again. Hop on, kitten!’
I jumped onto her back again.
‘What the!’ she yelped as she was squashed onto the ground again. ‘Alex! What the hell!’
I erupted into giggles that quickly turned into squeals as she grabbed my sides and started squeezing them. I tried to escape but she squashed me into a tight hug.
‘Right!’ she said through her laughter and leant her head on my shoulder. ‘Are you going to let me give you a proper piggyback this time?’
‘Yes. I promise!’ I nodded solemnly, which was ruined slightly by my maniacal giggling.
‘Good!’ she released me and then turned around. ‘Last time! Let’s go, kitten!’
I jumped on her back.
‘Oh for god’s sake!’
To be continued
Synopsis: Alex gets to know Jen a little better, and finds out she knows a lot more than she lets on. She also learns whether or not Jen will help her get hormones.
Authors note: I kept misspelling the title as "the prince of hormones!" :3
Oh ho ho ho! How royal indeed. Pass me the crab claws, scallywag, for I have a...rich person thing to do in the...school gardens...! Oh ho...ho...
>.>
I don't know what rich princes sound like :/
Anyway!
Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos are appreciated!
Our town’s mall was opposite the train station, and because it was one of the largest along the line it was always horribly busy. It was a four story tall white concrete monstrosity that took up an entire block and had almost everything you could think of inside it. From cinemas to pet stores, bowling alleys to specialty DVD stores, there was always something interesting to find or look at.
I’d hoped that because of how early it was there wouldn’t be as many people around, but I was wrong. As a slightly bruised Jen and I crossed the road towards the mall a steady stream of adults were going in and out of the front entrance, and quite a few were seated on the mental benches set up near the ATM machines. Cars sped past us and a small line of taxis were resting alongside the post office, just in front of the entrance to the bus terminal.
‘Alright,’ Jen said as we approached the sliding glass entrance, squeezing my legs. ‘You good to walk now?’
‘Yep!’ I slid off her and she groaned in relief, making me blush guiltily. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ she brushed her hair behind her ears and smirked at me. ‘But I’m definitely going to think twice now before offering to carry you somewhere.’
I grinned widely. ‘Mew!’
She laughed and patted me on the head. ‘Now, you want to get a shirt right? To hide your chest?’
I nodded slightly, my grin fading. ‘Yeah, but I don’t really know where to get one from. I’ve only ever been here to buy video games or anime.’
‘Well, I know of a great place to get what you need,’ her eyes sparkled and she walked up to the mall’s doors, which slid open to welcome her. ‘And it just so happens that I need to get some things from there as well.’
‘Okay!’ I skipped inside the mall after her and looked around. There was a post office and a bank on either side of us, both of which had insanely long lines full of frustrated-looking adults. ‘Where are we going?’
‘The second floor, near the escalators.’ Jen said as she moved around a slow-moving elderly couple and entered the main hallway. She looked thoughtfully at me as I caught up to her and smiled. ‘Have you ever bought girls clothes before?’
I started slightly and blushed. ‘N-no. That’s way too scary.’
She nodded sympathetically. ‘Have you ever worn girl’s clothes then?’
I winced and looked around to see if anyone was listening, but nobody was all that close to us. We were in the center of the hallway whereas most other people were inspecting the stores along the sides. Still, I felt uncomfortable talking about this with Jen and didn’t answer for a few moments. It was great to actually talk to someone about this part of my life, but it wasn’t easy.
‘Not since I was really small.’ I finally said, staring down at the white hallway floor.
‘Not recently?’ Jen asked.
‘No. Uhm…mum and Ashley’s clothes are way too big for me and I feel stupid in them. I-’
‘Careful.’ she grabbed my hand and gently pulled me out of the way of a group of middle-aged women in suits laughing with each other about something.
‘T-thanks.’ my heart squirmed slightly at the warmth and strength of her hand, and to my delight she didn’t let go.
‘So you’ve never been outside as a girl before?’ she led me onto the escalator and scratched her cheek with her free hand. ‘Or even really dressed up as one?’
‘No, but, when I’m not in the normal school uniform everyone assumes I’m a girl.’ I smiled shyly at her. ‘Just like you did.’
She returned my smile and rubbed my head, making me squeak happily. ‘That’s not dressing up though, sweetie.’
‘It’s all I can do at the moment though.’
‘Well, why don’t we change that then?’ she grinned as we got off the escalator. ‘Because I really want to see you dressed in something cute.’
‘Am I going to get to try on the maid’s uniform today? At the café?’ I asked excitedly and her eyes shone.
‘Yes! I was thinking of getting you dressed up sooner than that though,’ she squeezed my hand and led me to the front of a store opposite the escalator. ‘But first, we need to get you the basics.’
‘The basics?’ I blinked and then looked past her at the store, which was surprisingly large and had more than a few women in it. Women who were looking at…lingerie…
I froze and noticed the female mannequins set up in the store’s display window, dressed in various assortments of sexy lingerie and nightdresses. My eyes snapped past them to see display tables full of bras set out in the centre of the store, with rows upon rows of other undergarments spreading out to the back of the store and ending in a long section of change rooms.
‘What are we doing here?’ I asked Jen, my voice shaking slightly.
‘You don’t have any bras, do you?’ she asked me with a smile and I turned scarlet. ‘Or briefs? Anything like that?’
‘O-of course not.’
‘Then you need some.’ Jen beamed.
‘No I don’t!’ I panicked as she began to lead me into the store and ripped my hand from her grasp. ‘I can’t go in there!’
‘Why not?’ she looked at me in confusion, her smile fading.
‘Because…because I can’t.’ I let out a shaky breath and clutched at my chest.
‘I don’t understand.’ Jen said with a blank expression, making me feel like an idiot.
‘W-why don’t we go to another store?’ I spun around and stared at the numerous clothing stores around us. ‘Look! That one has ni-’
‘Alex. Calm down,’ Jen stepped in front of me and frowned slightly. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing! I just don’t need…g-girls underwear.’
‘You kind of do, sweetie.’ she looked pointedly at my chest and then softened her expression. ‘And even if you didn’t, don’t you want to try some on?’
‘No!’ I vehemently shook my head and walked over to a small alcove near the escalators, where some cushioned benches were. There was a large black support pillar next to it that gave us some measure of privacy, and with how many other shoppers were around I didn’t want to risk being overheard.
‘Why not?’ Jen asked as she followed me over.
I thought about the awful pamphlet Tom had read out to me yesterday and shivered, feeling sick. ‘B-because it’s wrong.’
‘What? No it’s not.’ Jen tilted her head to the side. ‘You’re a girl, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not!’ my throat tightened and I clutched at the ends of my shirt, nauseating feelings surfacing from the depths of my stomach. ‘I’m not-not really a girl yet! I’ve still g-got my-I haven’t had surgery! So I’m-’
‘Stop!’ Jen put a finger over my mouth and grimaced slightly. ‘Don’t talk like that. You’re a girl, Alex.’
I blinked away tears and shook my head. ‘Bu-’
‘What you have between your legs doesn’t matter.’ she continued over me, moving her finger up to tap me on the forehead. ‘It’s how you feel in here that does. And you feel like a girl, right? So strongly that you stole your sisters hormones. I think that-’
‘But…’ I pulled even harder at my shirt. ‘I still have boy things so-so wearing…underwear is…is bad…’
‘That’s not true.’ Jen said, her eyes serious. ‘Some transwomen never get surgery, you know. They’re fine with what they have between their legs, and it doesn’t make them any less of girl than me. Or you. And wearing girls underwear doesn’t make them perverts or sexual deviants or any of that shit. It just makes them normal.’
‘It does?’ I’d never heard that before. It was the exact opposite of what Grandpa believed.
‘Yeah. And, look,’ Jen turned me around to face the store, and pointed to one of the mannequin wearing a small black lingerie set. ‘Do you think girls don’t feel sexy while wearing those kinds of things? Of course we do! They’re designed to make us feel good.’
I sniffed and rubbed my eyes. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah!’ she nodded encouragingly. ‘It’s okay to want to look sexy, Alex. And to feel sexy too. It’s just part of being a girl. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.’
‘A-are you sure?’
‘Of course I am.’ she laughed clapped her hands on my shoulder. ‘I’m a girl, silly. I know what I’m talking about.’
I giggled and grabbed her wrists, feeling like a weight had been lifted from me. Jen was a sun burning through the dark clouds that grandpa and dad had tainted my sky with, and I felt my chest tighten again as I stared at her confident, beautiful face.
‘Are you feeling okay now?’ she asked and I nodded, smiling. She returned the smile and put her hands onto my cheeks. ‘That’s good! Now, why don’t we go into that store and buy you a nice bra, and some matching panties?’
I flinched slightly at that. Even though I really did believe everything she’d said, I just wasn’t ready to wear those kinds of things yet, or to shop for them. It was way too scary, even with Jen! Just hearing her say bra and panties out loud made me uncomfortable.
‘C-can we do that some other time?’ I looked hopefully up at her, but to my dismay she shook her head.
‘Let’s do it now,’ she rubbed my cheeks and moved her face closer to mine. ‘I’m very excited to see how you look in a cute pink bra. Or maybe even one of those sexy low-cut ones.’
‘Huh?’ I looked blankly at her. ‘But if I wore one I’d wear it under my shirt! Nobody would see it.’
‘I-what?’ she blinked and looked confused for a moment, then burst out laughing.
‘What?’ I puffed up unhappily. ‘I don’t want people to see my bra!’
She widened her eyes coyly. ‘Not even me?’
‘N-no.’ I hugged my chest. ‘It’s too embarrassing.’
Jen bit her bottom lip as a strangely delighted expression appeared on her face, and before I could react she’d pushed me down onto one of the cushioned benches. I bounced slightly on its black surface and looked up at her in surprise as she grinned at me, her eyes shining hungrily.
‘Shit,’ she dropped herself down right next to me, her stockinged legs brushing up against my own. ‘I can’t take it anymore!’
‘What?’ I swallowed and stared breathlessly at her, my heart starting to beat faster as butterflies popped into my stomach and started raging about.
‘I love shy, cute little transgirls like you,’ she breathed, leaning over and putting a hand under my chin. Her eyes smouldered and I could almost feel the heat coming off of them. ‘Just looking at you and not being able to kiss you is driving me crazy. I need you, Alex.’
‘Wha-huh?’ I said stupidly, feeling my face burn as my mind floundered about frantically. Jen really did like me! Oh god! And she wanted to kiss me! Holy crap! I had no idea how to react to that! What was I supposed to-
‘Do you like me?’ she leant closer to me, and her nose brushed against mine, making me shiver slightly.
‘I-I-I don’t know.’ I tried to look down at my lap but her hand on my chin kept me locked into looking at her so I squirmed about uncomfortably. ‘You’re…you’re really pretty and…stuff…’
She smiled crookedly and pressed her free hand against my side, making me jump slightly. Then she slipped it under my shirt and squeezed just underneath my ribcage, causing me to gasp. I clutched at her shoulders and she began to slide her hand up and down my side, caressing the curve of my hips.
‘Does that feel good?’ she asked and I nodded numbly, unable to think clearly through the waves of pleasure washing through me.
I could barely comprehend what was happening and I just stared at her, having no idea what to do. I’d never thought about making out with a girl before, or a guy. Sex and intimacy were always just things that adults did, stuff that I assumed I’d figure out when I grew up. I’d never touched myself, never watched porn, never been aroused or anything. My whole body was feeling things it’d never felt before and I was losing myself within them.
As I looked into her smiling, perfect face the warmth consuming my body turned inward, brushing around the butterflies in my stomach and focusing in on my lower half. An indescribably pleasant feeling pulsated through me and I was suddenly leaning closer to Jen, my body aching to feel her lips against mine. And my lower half…between my legs…
I was starting to get an ere-ah! AH! OH GOD! EWW! NO!
I flinched and drew my legs up underneath me, and then gently pulled Jen’s hand off of my side. ‘I don’t! Uhm! I don’t wanna…I don’t…’
‘You don’t want to get aroused?’ she asked gently and I stared at her in surprise, wondering how she’d known what I was trying to say. She smiled and rubbed my lips with her thumb, sending a sharp wave of desire down my spine. ‘It’s okay sweetie. It’s normal to be turned on. ’
I shook my head. ‘I-I don’t like it.’
‘Because of your penis?’
I flinched again and shivered. ‘Yeah.’
‘Just don’t think about it.’ she put her hands on the sides of my face and let out a shaky breath, her face flushed with arousal. ‘Just think about me.’
‘I-I do-’
I cut off as she pushed her face against mine, and her lips brushed up against my own. Lust drove through me and I felt my body react, and my p-
‘No!’ I jerked my head back and tore her hands off of me, my breathing coming out heavy and ragged. It was so hard to think through the burning fog of lust that was consuming me, but it was quickly drowning under a thick layer of disgust. Fuck! ‘I don’t like feeling like this!’
Jen stared at me and then grimaced, anger flashing through her eyes. She began to say something and then stopped herself, instead letting out a frustrated breath and glaring up at the ceiling.
‘I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’ Guilt joined the sea of shame inside of me and I felt tears form in my eyes. ‘I’m sorry!’
‘Don’t be sorry. It’s fine.’ she looked back down at me and shook her head, still seeming annoyed. ‘I’m just not used to people rejecting me like that.’
‘I’m sorry!’
‘I just said, don’t be sorry.’ she smirked at me, and then ran her hands over her face. ‘Fuck. You’re a stubborn one, aren’t you?’
‘I’m sor-uh.’ I sniffed and just stared at her, not sure what to say if I couldn’t apologise.
‘Well, whatever. We can work on that later,’ she continued as if I hadn’t spoken, tapping her hand on her knee. ‘Let’s just focus on shopping then. I still want to get you fitted for a bra a-’
‘What? No!’ I hugged my knees to my chest and shook my head. ‘I don’t want to do that today.’
Her forehead creased and she brushed her hair behind her ears, then shook herself slightly and let out a heavy breath. ‘Awh, fuck it.’
‘Huh?’
‘I wasn’t going to bring this up until you did, because I feel kind of bad knowing about it when it’s none of my business, but…’ she scratched her neck and then looked at me, her eyes still smouldering. ‘I guess I just don’t like being told “no” so often.’
I stared at her in utter confusion. ‘What?’
She let out a breath and sat straighter. ‘Ashley called me up last night so she could give your parents the address of the café, and she told me what happened between you and your mum.’
My heart skipped a beat and I stared at her in horror. Ashley had betrayed me! Kind of. Maybe!
‘What! What did she tell you?’
‘That your mum found out you were taking her hormones and took them from you, amongst other things.’ Jen shrugged. ‘But I’m guessing the reason you came to see me today was to ask for my help with that, right? You need hormones and think I can get them for you.’
My tongue stuck to the bottom of my mouth and I could only stare at her, feeling stupid. Why could everyone see through me so easily? What was wrong with me?
She leant close again. ‘And I can. I’d be more than happy to, in fact. The last thing I want is for your cuteness to fade away.’
My tongue freed itself in a gasp of hope. ‘R-really?’
‘Yep. I know what Ashley takes so all I have to do is go to my doctor and get the same script,’ she ruffled my hair and smiled widely. ‘But…I’ll expect something in return.’
‘What?’ I asked, but my heart sank. I already knew what she was going to say.
‘I want you to be my girlfriend.’
I blinked. ‘What?’
‘I want you to be my girlfriend,’ she repeated, her eyes now serious. ‘I like you, and you like me. So let’s start dating.’
I felt myself turn bright red and squirmed about on the couch, feeling strangely happy. That wasn’t the most romantic confession but considering what’d almost happened before we were kind of maybe already dating anyway. ‘Okay!’
She smiled, but her eyes remained serious. ‘I expect certain things from my girlfriends though, Alex.’
I swallowed and my arms tightened around my knees. ‘I can’t k-kiss you at the moment.’
Her lips thinned for a moment before returning to a smile. ‘That’s fine. I’m not going to ask you to do anything you find too uncomfortable, or unreasonable. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, sweetie.’
‘What do you expect from me then?’ I asked and then gasped slightly as she placed a hand in the middle of my chest, just above my breasts.
‘There’s a beautiful, perfect little girl locked up inside of you, Alex.’ she pushed slightly against me and used her free hand to brush some hair out of my eyes. ‘And I want to set her free. But I need you to help me. I need you to not fight against me so much, and just let me…help you.’
Her words washed over me like a pleasant breeze and soft butterflies brushed through my stomach. ‘I want to-to be a beautiful girl.’
‘Then trust me,’ she beamed at me and grabbed both of my hands. ‘Let’s go back to that lingerie store, okay? We’ll find you some cute underwear and you’ll feel great. Just like a girl.’
I bit my lip and looked at the store. ‘I don’t know if-’
‘It’ll be fine. Trust me,’ she said over me. ‘I know that it makes you feel uncomfortable, but the only way to fix that is to just go and do it. I promise you, by the end of today you’ll wonder why you were even embarrassed about it in the first place.’
‘But, can’t we wait a fe-’
‘No.’ her tone became stern and she squeezed my hands, somewhat painfully. ‘This is you fighting against me, sweetie. I don’t want that. Let me in. I know what’s best for you.’
I stared at her, my mind racing. If she was only going to give me hormones if I was her girlfriend, then I had to say yes to her. That was what she was implying before, wasn’t it? That she expected the people she dated to do what she said. If I said no then would she break up with me right here, just like that? And never give me hormones? Shit…
Jen was really nice though! If she said something was going to help me then I trusted her opinion over mine. And I did want to try on girls underwear and see how it felt, despite how embarrassed I was. I was a girl so it should be fine, like Jen said. I shouldn’t fight against her.
And besides all of that…she was really pretty! I wanted to be her girlfriend. I wasn’t really sure on what that meant beyond doing what she said, but with everything that was happening at home I needed her. If I had to do some things that I wasn’t comfortable doing, that’d probably end up helping me in the long run, then that was a tiny price to pay for hormones. And a girlfriend!
‘Okay!’ I pulled my hands out of hers and jumped off the couch, excited energy coursing through me. ‘I trust you!’
A thrilled smiled appeared on her face and she jumped up as well. She threw her arms around me in an affectionate hug and I blushed as her breasts rubbed against my head. ‘Thankyou, Alex. I promise, I’ll never hurt you or betray your trust. I’m going to make you beautiful. More beautiful than anyone else.’
I squashed myself against her and meowed slightly. ‘Will you look after me?’
‘Yes,’ she nodded solemnly. ‘We can talk about this later, but what Ashley told me about your mum is pretty messed up. I’ll protect you if something…unpleasant happens.’
I hugged her tighter. ‘I don’t want anything unpleasant to happen! I just want her to see me as girl, and treat me like one again.’
‘I’m sure she will.’ Jen patted my back. ‘But let’s not talk about that now. We need to get you fitted for a bra and get you some underwear. Then we can go to a café and relax for a bit, okay?’
I nodded and slowly let go of her. ‘Okay.’
She held my hand with a smile and then led me back to the store, making my heart leap. I was holding hands with my girlfriend. My girlfriend. I was someone’s girlfriend! I was dating someone! Whoa…
Life was so weird.
To be continued
Thankyou for reading!
I know a few of you will be upset with what Jen did here, and that's understandable. But just keep in mind that she's only fifteen years old and really does think she's helping Alex, and she is for the most part, for the moment. Her motivations may be skewed slightly but she's perhaps not yet self-aware enough to see that. More of her past and her family will be explored in future chapters to give more background on who she is and why she does the things she does.
A young man awakens in a strange room, in a body that he doesn't recognize, that of a young woman's. He is informed by his captor that he is going to be trained to serve her and the clients at her brothel.
BrokenFox
Truth's Purity
Synopsis: A young man awakens in a strange room, in the body of a younger girl. He is scared and confused, and slowly learns why he is there and what plans lay in store for him
Chapter 1
I was floating in oily darkness, feeling it swirl thickly around me as if it were trying to drag me away with it. A strange warmth was embracing me, so hot that it felt like it was burning me away, but it felt nice somehow, as if I was just slipping into a warm bath.
A woman’s voice was calling out something, a name that somehow echoed through the emptiness, but my eyes could only see darkness.
‘Anna…’ it said gently, kindly, and I felt like she was talking to me.
‘I’m not Anna.’ I tried to say but the words wouldn’t leave my mouth and enter the emptiness.
‘Anna.’ The voice said again and the darkness began to fade as if its consistency was being drained away. ‘It’s time to wake up now.’
And suddenly I was awake.
An unfamiliar ceiling greeted me, pure white and devoid of the cracks and dirt that my own ceiling had. Two ridiculously ornate chandeliers hung from the ceiling, fine gold contraptions carved in the shape of a serpent and hanging with shining diamonds.
I stared at them in confusion for a moment as my tired body slowly woke itself and then I sat up. A likewise unfamiliar room greeted me, a room that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a mansion. Gleaming white walls surrounded me, as clean and as well-cared for as the ceiling, and the pale pink carpet beneath looked so soft and squishy that I could only imagine how nice it must feel to walk bare-foot upon it.
Directly in front of me was a large desk with a finely carved wooden chair in front of it, but the desk itself was covered in a white sheet so I couldn’t see what was on it. It seemed to have a mirror built into it and some drawers next to the mirror though, judging from the outline.
A walk-in wardrobe was set into the wall next to me, its white sliding doors slightly open but not enough for me to see inside, and another desk lay on the opposite side of the room, this one smaller and containing some pens and notebooks neatly arrayed along its surface.
I was in a bed, far larger than any I’d ever owned (which I guess isn’t really saying much, considering that I’d been poor for most of my 25 years), seemingly twice the size of a queen sized bed and having an elaborate wooden backing that depicted what seemed to be naked, dancing women.
This was not my room. I’d never seen a room like this in my entire life, let along been in one.
‘Where am I?’ I asked out loud, my voice softer than I expected. A blush lit up my cheeks even though I was alone and I tried to speak again in a deeper voice. ‘Where am I?’ It didn’t make much of a difference and I blushed ever deeper. What was wrong with my voice?
‘This is weird.’ I said as deeply as I could and slipped out of the bed, its heavy sheets reluctantly giving way. I dangled my legs over the side and pushed off, and to my surprise found that I wasn’t as tall as I remembered and tilted face-first towards the ground.
‘Wha-’ I gasped before tumbling onto the carpet, which was as soft and squishy as I’d imagined, so much so that I was barely hurt from the fall. I pushed myself up onto my knees and as my dazed mind staggered about I realised for the first time realised what I was wearing.
A silken pink nightdress was hugging my body, ending half-way up my thighs, and white stockings were covering my legs, ending just above where the nightdress did. The nightdress had a v-neck and short, loose sleeves, and as I ran my hands across the stockings I found them smooth and sheer. I’d never worn stockings before and the feeling was strange but temptingly nice, like someone was constantly caressing my legs.
I was about to pull up the nightdress to see what underwear I was wearing when I realised something. My body wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I was a man in my mid-twenties but my body…it wasn’t right…
My hips were wide and curvy, my waist small, and my chest…my chest…had breasts…
‘Oh my god.’ I whispered as I put my hands to chest, hands that were far smaller and more delicate than they should have been. Through the silk of the nightdress I could feel breasts, my breasts…slightly bigger than my hands and firm but soft. I’d never touched breasts before so I didn’t have a proper frame of reference but…these felt amazing, like warm, squishy balls. I’d described the carpet as being soft and squishy before but that paled in comparison to what my chest felt like…
Warm sparks ran through me as I touched my chest and came together inside my stomach, making me realise that I was starting to become aroused.
‘Ah!’ I tore my hands away from my chest and looked around the room guiltily, but of course there was no one else here. Still, it didn’t feel right to be fondling myself so I resisted the temptation to touch my chest again and instead stood up. I was far shorter than I used to be and I realised that my hair, which had been shoulder-length before, was now straighter and silkier than it had ever been. I touched my face and found that it was as soft and smooth as the rest of my body, my lips especially, and my features seemed delicate and petite.
I needed to see what I looked like, so I hurried over to the desk with the sheet on it, but as I grabbed it I realised something.
There wasn’t a door in this room.
Panic consumed the confusion inside of me and I ran to the nearest wall and put my hands against it, finding that it was as hard and as solid as any other wall. I quickly ran my hand along it and found it completely smooth, and I did so with the other three walls as well. To my horror they were all completely solid with no trace of a door or entrance or anything. Shit!
‘Oh god.’ I gasped, the weirdness of the situation finally hitting me. I’d been in a slight daze before, having just woken up, but now my mind was suddenly alert and full of horrifying thoughts. I was stuck in a room without a door, with a female body dressed in clothes that were undeniably sexual in nature. This was either a weird nightmare or something very bad was going to happen soon.
‘Oh god.’ I gasped again. ‘Hello!? What’s going on!? Let me out!’ The last words I shouted, although my voice was still softer than it should have been. I guess I knew why now. Still, I was able to shout well enough and proceeded to do so. ‘Let me out of here! I don’t know wha-’
CLUNK
I jumped in shock as a section of the wall next to the sheet-covered desk bed slowly slid backwards, then moved to the side just as slowly. Bright light shone into the room and blinded me for a moment, and when I rubbed them clear a woman was standing in front of me. I stared up at her in shocked silence as she smiled down at me, almost twice my height. She was dressed in a black shirt with the first few buttons undone and a black skirt that ended well above her knees. She was well-built and curvy, her clothes designed to emphasize this very well, and her face, framed by a thick stream of black hair, was sharp and beautiful. I couldn’t pinpoint her age but she looked to be in her late-twenties to early-thirties, although that could be completely wrong. She was definitely wearing make-up but it was so well-applied that I could barely tell that it was even there. Her lips were a deep shade of red, her piercing brown eyes dark and smoky, and her skin a healthy shade of pink that darkened around her cheeks. There was a silver stud on her right nostril and two golden hoops hanging from her ears, as well as a plain gold chain around her neck. She was wearing black knee-high boots as well, but they were flat and didn’t add anything to her height. Why was she so tall? Was I just really short?
She smiled silently at me as I stared up at her, letting me sink in her appearance before speaking.
‘Good morning Anna.’ She beamed and moved into the room, the wall sliding back into place behind her. ‘It’s nice to see you finally awake. You’ve been sleeping for almost a month now.’
‘What’s going on?’ I demanded. ‘Where am I?’
‘Yes, this must all be very confusing to you, mustn’t it?’ the woman said gently and walked over to the bed, sat down and patted the spot next to her. ‘Why don’t you take a seat and I’ll explain everything.’
‘I’m fine standing.’
‘I don’t think you are.’ she said and faster than I could react she grabbed my arm and pulled me over, shoved me onto the bed and sat back down next to me. ‘There, that’s better, isn’t it?’
‘Wha-’ I gasped and tried to stand up but she put a hand on my shoulder and easily held me back down.
‘It’s not wise to disobey me.’ She said, still smiling. ‘I’m much stronger than you and I promise that I’m not afraid to use force when necessary.’
‘Who are you?’ I asked, somewhat meekly as her hand was still holding down on my shoulder.
‘I’m the owner of this place and everything in it. Including you, little girl, which makes you my property.’ I opened my mouth to protest to that but she spoke over me. ‘My name is Laine but you will refer to me as Master, Owner or Mistress. We’ll figure out which one suits you better later.’
‘W-what?’ I wasn’t sure I’d heard her correctly. ‘I’m your property?’
‘Yes!’ she beamed. ‘You are. I own you so you’re mine.’
‘You don’t own me!’
‘Yes I do.’ She said and her eyes winded gleefully. ‘You’re in my Mansion now and I own all of the girls here.’
‘I’m not a girl!’
‘Yes, you are. I made sure of that.’ Laine grinned and stared at my lap. ‘Except for your cock, of course. That’s the main selling point after all.’
‘What do you mean?’ I demanded, pushing my legs together uncomfortably. What the hell?
‘I’m a collector.’ Laine said and pulled me over to her. I tried to push away but her grip was too tough and she kissed me on the top of the head. ‘And I collected you, munchkin. I find lonely, isolated young adults whom nobody will miss and I take them here and “fix” them.’
‘You didn’t fix me, you turned me into a girl!’
‘That’s fixing.’ she beamed. ‘And I have to say, you’re the cutest looking product I’ve ever made. I can’t believe that you’re twenty-one; you look like you’re barely an adult. You’re going to make me a lot of money.’
I swallowed nervously. ‘Make you a lot of money?’
‘Of course.’ she leant in closer and whispered in my ear. ‘Men love playing with little girls.’
‘No!’ I cried and tried to escape from her grasp. ‘Let me go!’ To my surprise she did so, just as I was pulling away from her with all my strength, so I flew forward and squashed onto the pink carpet, which once again absorbed most of the impact.
Laine laughed and knelt down in front of me. ‘You don’t have to panic, you’re going to love it here. Eventually. It’ll be a long time, maybe even half a year, before any men get to use you anyway so you can relax about that. You need to be trained first, and I’m guessing that that’s going to take a while. You’ve got a lot of spirit.’
I crawled onto my knees and stared up at her, and to my shame my voice wavered as I spoke. ‘Why are you doing this to me?’
‘Well, it’d be dishonest if I didn’t say that the financial incentive wasn’t a motivator.’ She smiled. ‘But it’s only the smallest of positives in this case. I enjoy creating and training new girls, especially strong-willed ones, and especially cute little ones like you. I love having new pets and you are going to be the prize of my collection.’
‘I’m not a pet! You don’t own me.’
‘I think you’ll find over the coming few months that you’re wrong.’ She smirked. ‘I do own you, and you are my pet. My slave. My toy and my doll. You are mine, from your tiny little feet to your cute little nose. Every single part of you belongs to me.’
And before I could react she grabbed my shoulders and kissed me. Softly at first, and then her tongue slipped into my mouth and caressed my own tongue. Beautiful, burning lighting shot through my body and for a moment I was lost in the sensation of kissing this beautiful woman, of her soft tongue running over mine and her lips pushing against my own. Then I snapped back to my senses and jerked my head away, anger rushing in and tearing away the pleasure. ‘What are you doing?’
‘What are you doing?’ Lain asked with a grin. ‘You loved that feeling, didn’t you? Why would you break it off? Your body’s aching for me.’
‘N-no it isn’t!’ I lied shakily, wiping my mouth.
‘Really.’ She said softly and put her hand on the side of my thigh, then moved it slowly to the middle. I gasped as her hand caressed my penis, which I hadn’t even realised was starting to become erect. She ginned at me and the gently squeezed it, sending small sparks of pleasure through it and making me gasp even more. ‘See? You’re so sensitive. You love it.’
‘Get off me!’ I cried and threw myself away from her. ‘This isn’t right! It’s messed up! Why are you doing this?’
‘I already told you why.’ Laine said and stood up. ‘And I’ve been lenient today because you just woke up, but tomorrow I’m going to be far stricter. Your body belongs to me and I expect to be allowed to do what I want with it without objection.’
‘That’s not going to happen.’ I said, my breathing still shaky and my body burning.
Lain grinned widely. ‘We’ll see. I suggest you get some rest, for the next few days are going to be some of the hardest for you. Unfortunately you’ve woken up at a rather busy time, but from tomorrow onwards I’ll clear my schedule and we can start our session and get to know one another better. I’ll see you tomorrow, Anna.’
‘That’s not my name! It’s Da-’
‘Goodnight Anna.’ Laine said over me and the wall opened up again. I considered trying to run for it but knew it was pointless. ‘I’ll send someone over with some food later.’
And then she was gone, leaving me alone with a mess of unpleasant emotions.
Chapter 2
It was about an hour before I got up. I kept going over and over Laine’s words in my mind, trying to somehow convince myself that I’d misunderstood what she’d said. This was harder than it should have been because I couldn’t ignore how good it’d felt when she’d kissed me and touched my penis. I was a virgin and having a beautiful woman like Laine do those kinds of things to me was far beyond anything I’d ever imagined. If I’d been in my old body then I’d no doubt be ecstatic, but as it was I was just scared and confused.
She thought that she owned me! And she was going to sell me to men to have sex with, like a prostitute, against my will, so she could make money. Fuck!
The thought of having sex with men made me feel sick, even if it was in a consensual situation. I found penises abhorrent and men’s bodies thick and hairy and just…just unpleasant. The thought of having them forced onto me, of having a penis shoved into my mouth…
I gagged slightly and whimpered, trying to fight off the disgusting image that appeared in my head. I hadn’t even liked my body back when I’d been a man, I’d found it kind of gross and embarrassing, especially my penis, so I could barely ima-
No! No! I was still a man! This body could be fixed. If she could shrink my body and change it into a girl’s then she could change it back. I just had to find a way out of here and contact the police, get them to arrest her and undo what she’d done. This was obviously illegal! Surely someone would notice that I’d disappeared soon and contact them anyway, right?
Right?
…no. Probably not…
I’d never been on good terms with my parents and had left home as soon as I finished school, moving away from the family farm and into a single apartment in the city. I’d had no real friends at school, none that I wanted to keep in contact with anyway, and I’d made no new ones when I spent four years studying accounting. I’d tried, but I hadn’t been able to make any real connections with anyone and by the time the first year had ended everyone had formed their own little social groups that I couldn’t penetrate.
And then when I’d finished studying and gotten a job I’d become even more isolated. I spent all my time alone at my cubicle running through numbers and peoples personal money records, which I gave to my boss who barely acknowledged me and who saw all of the clients. I was like a ghost.
I guess maybe my landlord would notice when I didn’t pay my rent on time, but I hadn’t seen them since I’d first moved into my tiny apartment and that had been years ago. When she realised I wasn’t living there anymore she’d probably sell all my things after a few months and get someone new in. Same as my boss. He’d hire someone else to do my job when I stopped turning up for work. Nobody would miss me. In a year nobody would even remember me.
I was alone. Not even my own parents would miss me, because I hadn’t contacted them in years. They didn’t even know where I lived.
Pain welled up inside me and to my shame and shame I began to cry, hot tears streaming down my face. I’d always known that I was alone but I’d ignored it, said I didn’t care and just spent all my time when not working playing video games and watching movies, occasionally buying a ton of books and comics when the mood struck me. But I’d never done anything with anyone else. Never hung out with friends, never spent a holiday with my family, never gone out on a date…
There was never anyone I even cared enough about to want to do those things with…
All of these thoughts smashed into me like and truck and I cried for what felt like an eternity, eventually sobbing so hard that I couldn’t even remember what I was crying about, I was just crying.
It must have been so easy for Laine to kidnap me. She must have been overjoyed when she’d found out about me, finding someone so pathetic and lonely whom no one would miss. I’d made myself the perfect target. She probably felt like she’d won the lottery.
Deep, painful sobs wracked my entire body and I fell onto my side, the energy draining from my body. I tried to get control of myself but I hadn’t cried since I was a child and wasn’t used to it, so the very act of sobbing made me sob even harder. It was a strange, alien feeling and for a while I lost myself in it, just crying because I was crying.
I don’t know how long I lay there sobbing but it felt like hours had gone by before I finally managed to get control of myself. My eyes and throat hurt and my nose was blocked, but the pain in my chest had subsided somewhat and I actually felt a bit better. I pushed myself up and rubbed my eyes, smearing tears all over my face. I sniffled and rubbed my entire face until it felt like it was completely dry, then decided that it was time that I saw what was under the blanket covering the front desk. I staggered to my feet and tottered over, tugging the sheet off of it. It was harder than I thought and it took me a few tugs before I managed to pull it off completely, and when I had I wished that I’d just left it there.
The desk was covered in make-up items, from different shades of foundation, rows of lipstick, mascara, different sized brushes, eye liner and other things I didn’t recognize, right down to nail polish. There were a few fancy-looking bottles of perfume lined up along each side as well, and they gave of a mixed scent that made even my blocked nose twitch. The centre of the desk was kept clear of the make-up and instead there were some magazines and books there, which were all, upon closer inspection, guides on how to apply make-up.
The mirror was large, over half my size, and circular with cute fairies emblazoned on either side of it. There were cupboards set on each side and when I opened them I found them full of hair accessories, headbands and hairclips and…other things that I didn’t recognize. Underneath the cupboards there were a couple of draws on each side, the right one full of bracelets and earrings and rings, and the left one with necklaces, brooches and, once again, things that I didn’t recognize. I’d never had much experience with…girl stuff, I guess. Whatever you’d call all of this.
On top of the make-up guides was a small note, folded up onto itself and had “Anna” written on top. I reached for it but my reflection caught my eye and I froze, an unfamiliar face looking back at me. I don’t know why I was so surprised, I’d been expecting to not recognize myself, but the girls face in the mirror somehow completely threw me off balance. I guess knowing I looked like a girl and actually seeing it where two different things, and…
If I was honest, I hadn’t been the most attractive man. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself ugly, but I definitely wasn’t attractive. I had been slightly overweight, my skin was blotchy and pallid, my short black hair stringy and messy, and my face had just been bland. My jawline was weak, my nose overlarge, my eyes small and watery-blue, wrinkles had already appeared on my forehead due to me frowning so much and wispy facial hair lined my chin and upper lip.
So I expected that I wasn’t very attractive even as a girl, which had made most of what Laine was saying all the more confusing. Sure my body was…kind of stupidly amazing…and when I’d felt my face it had felt different but it couldn’t be that different, could it?
But I was wrong, of course. Laine had somehow changed my body shape and size, so why wouldn’t she have been able to change my facial structure as well?
What had once been a kind of unfocused, masculine mess was now a petite, perfectly-feminine portrait of beauty that made me wonder for a moment if I wasn’t staring at a finely-made portrait. My eyes were large, a deep ocean blue and ringed by long, dark eyelashes, and my plump lips were a gentle shade of pink. My cheekbones were high and defined, but not so high that they made me look fully mature, and my complexion was porcelain-white with some pinkness in my cheeks. My nose was small and delicate, although it was a bit red from all of the crying I’d done. Strangely though, my eyes seemed fine beyond being a little wet. That was weird.
There was a youthfulness about my face that made me remember Laine saying that I barely looked like I was an adult, despite my age, and my flowing black hair emphasized this dramatically. I’d seen girls in their twenties that looked like they were in their early teens and a small part of me had always wondered if they’d been lying, but now I knew they weren’t. The way my face looked now, it’d be years and years before I’d be able to buy alcohol and cigarettes without ID. Which was actually a common complaint I’d heard from some of the girls at University, now that I thought about it.
I stared at myself long enough to start to feel uncomfortable and then turned away. Painful and confusing feelings were rising inside of me but I was too numb after having just cried to acknowledge them, so after a moment they sunk back down into nothingness and I let out a sigh of relief. I was going to have to avoid looking at myself from now on. Those feelings were…
Not good. At all.
To distract myself from the mirror, I grabbed the letter and opened it. I looked at the bottom before reading to confirm that it was indeed written by Laine, in neat, looping handwriting that I had a little bit of trouble reading.
“I bought all of these brand new just for you, my beautiful new baby girl. You can look at them but don’t try anything on yet! I want to be with you for your fist time! <3 You’re eventually going to be an expert on putting on make-up and doing your hair, but for the moment just leave it all in my hands. I’m going to turn you into the cutest, sexist girl you’ve ever seen!
You should check the wardrobe as well if you haven’t. It took me a while but I managed to buy some fantastic outfits that’ll show off your body, and some cute little things as well. And a whole bunch of cute panties and bras too, of course!
Don’t worry about what’s in the top shelves that you can’t reach though. You’ll find out what’s in there soon enough ;)
Love,
Laine.”
I put the note back down, confused. Did she think I’d actually be excited about this and want to try on the make-up and play with my hair? Or the clothes that she’d bought? What kind of person did she think I was?
She’d sounded different in the letter too, brighter and friendlier. She’d said she was busy today and that I’d woken up at a bad time. Maybe she was in a bad mood and we’d gotten off on the wrong foot or something?
I had to admit though, that there was something about the note and the excitement in it that did make me…kind of happy. I didn’t remember the last time anyone had been excited to be around me and help me with stuff. After just having cried for what felt like hours about being alone and nobody liking me it did make me feel a little better, even though it shouldn’t.
The fact that Laine was an insane kidnapper did dampen the happiness factor quite dramatically though, as well as the fact that she was excited about making me look cute and sexy.
Urgh.
I walked over to the wardrobe, my curiosity about what was in there getting the better of me, but before I could reach it I heard the strange metal clunk and the wall began sliding open.
Chapter 3
It wasn’t Laine that entered the room though, but a girl a couple of heads taller than me, wearing a neat maid’s uniform and carrying a tray in front of her. She had a pretty face and thick blonde hair that fell just past her shoulders, and was kept out of her face by a black headband. She didn’t look like she was much older than I was, but that didn’t really mean much to me anymore. She could have been fifty for all I knew.
Her clothes were more modest and practical than I expected for a place like this. The black bodice of the uniform was tight and did show off her rather generous chest and wide hips, but it had sleeves and the v-neckline wasn’t as deep as it could have been. The flowy skirt did end just above the knees but it was thick and had a layer of frilly white underneath. Her legs were dressed in knee-length white socks that had a black bow at the top and she wore shiny black Mary-Jane shoes. She was wearing arm-length silken white gloves though, which real maids most likely didn’t wear.
It was cute more than it was sexual, and I could even see a large white silken bow peeking out from the back of the bodice. A white apron was wrapped around her waist and a spray bottle was poking out, as well as some white rags.
There was a black collar around her neck, with a silver plate at the front that had “Tegan” engraved in a large gold print. I took a wild guess that Tegan might perhaps be her name.
‘Afternoon.’ She said casually, coming into the room as the door slid shut behind her. I wondered how that worked, if the wall had a sensor or there was a button on the other side or something. Was there a button in here somewhere that made it open? I hadn’t been watching Laine as she’d left, she could have pressed something to make it open and I wouldn’t have noticed. ‘I’ve brought you your meal for the day.’
‘Oh!’ I stared at the tray intently, realising that I was quite hungry. To my dismay there was only a large bowl with what looked to be porridge, a mug and two pieces of buttered bread. Not at all like what I normally ate, which usually consisted of pizza and roast chicken with potatoes drenched in gravy.
‘Don’t look so sad.’ The girl smiled as my face fell. Her eyes were a dark green and shone when she smiled. ‘It tastes much better than it looks, trust me.’
‘Ah…’ I doubted that.
‘My name’s Tegan, by the way.’ She said and curtseyed, somehow managing to keep the tray steady as she did so. ‘I’m going to be looking after you in between your sessions with Master. It’s nice to meet you, Anna.’
‘I’m Da-’ I began but Tegan spoke over me.
‘Anna.’ Tegan corrected me with a raised eyebrow.
‘Da-’
‘Anna.’ She repeated and I glared at her.
‘No! I’m Dav-’
‘If you try and say your old name one more time then I’m going to leave, and you’ll spend the night hungry.’ Tegan said and stared flatly at me. I stared back and wondered if it was worth being called Anna just so I could eat.
I decided that it wasn’t.
‘Fine.’ I said and crossed my arms. ‘I don’t want to eat that crap anyway.’
Tegan stared at me for a moment and then sighed, putting the tray on the ground and walking over to me. She was wearing a rather sweet smelling perfume that reminded me of peaches, although that could have just been because of how hungry I was. ‘Don’t be like that Anna. I know everything’s new and confusing at the moment but it’ll get better.’
‘It’s not confusing! It’s weird and scary and creepy!’ I cried, anger churning inside of me. ‘How can you work here? That woman kidnapped me and turned me…she made me like this! Look at me! I’m not a girl!’
‘Yes you are.’
‘No I’m not!’ I shouted furiously. ‘Do you know what she did to me? She kidnapped me and…and I don’t know, she operated on me or something and turned me into a girl!’
‘I know.’
‘And she says she owns me!’
‘She owns all of the girls in here. Including me.’
‘She doesn’t own me!’
‘Yes she does. You’ll realise that eventually.’
‘I won’t! I’m going to get out of her and call the police and they’re going to arrest all of you!’
Tegan laughed at that, a deep, delighted laugh that just pissed me off more. ‘Ohh…you’re so cute, you know. I forgot how naive you little ones can be.’
‘I’m not little!’
‘I think your height would beg to differ.’
‘It! It…’ I glared at her, unable to argue with that. ‘W-well, I’m not naive.’
‘Yes you are. Look, just calm down for a moment sweetie. Let’s talk for a bit.’ She pulled out the chair from the desk I’d just been at and sat down. ‘I expect Master didn’t really explain all that much to you, huh?’
‘You call Laine Master?’
‘Yes, I do.’ She said without a hint of embarrassment. ‘Now, what did she tell you about this place? This mansion?’
‘She said…’ I frowned, trying to think back to what she’d actually said about it. ‘Well, she said she was going to train me to have sex with men!’
‘So you think this place is a brothel?’ Tegan said as she crossed her legs, putting an elbow on then and resting her face in her hand. She was looking at me with a kind of pitying expression that made me angry and embarrassed at the same time, so I crossed my arms and looked to the side of the room.
‘It is a brothel, isn’t it?’
‘Some of the services we provide here would fall under that category, yes. When you’re trained and ready, men will pay to have sex with you, like what happens with most of the other girls here.’
‘Do they pay to have sex with you too?’ I asked, turning around to face her. Maybe she didn’t like it here and was just pretending to, and we could potentially escape together? A small hope began to rise inside of me.
‘Yes. Men pay to have sex with me.’ There wasn’t any hint of emotion in her answer.
‘Are you like me? Were you a boy before?’
‘No. I was born a girl.’ She said and smiled slightly. ‘I was…I don’t like saying I was kidnapped because I’m so much happier here than I ever was out there, but…yes, I was taken from my home and brought here, and trained by Master.’
‘And you’re happy here? Being forced to have sex with men?’
‘Yes, I am. But make no mistake; I’m not being forced to do anything.’ She said and looked seriously at me. ‘I was at first. I was like you, which isn’t rare. The people Master chooses never accept this life willingly, although some hold out longer than others. It took me nearly a year before I was finally able to accept everything, and even then it was almost a year after that before I felt fully comfortable here.’
‘But…then you’ve just got Stockholm’s syndrome or something!’
‘No.’ she said and laughed in the same delighted way as before. ‘No. Master chose us. She didn’t just grab random people off the street or go to another brothel and get clients there, she chose us. Do you understand?’
‘No! Why didn’t she just get people from a brothel then? Or put up an ad on the internet or something? I bet there’s heaps of people who would want this kind of life!’
‘There are, yes. But Master prefers to train virgins who’ve never had a sexual encounter before. She finds it more fun. And yes!’ she said loudly as I began to protest. ‘She could have probably found a virgin who’d agree to this kind of life, but she doesn’t want them. She chose us for-’
‘I know she chose us!’ I cried, getting tired of this. ‘I don’t understand why you’re telling me all of this! It makes no sense!’
‘She chose us,’ Tegan continued as if I hadn’t spoken, ‘for a few reasons. One of them is that, yes, she does enjoy mentally breaking people and forcing them to accept the lifestyle that she forces upon them, and obviously people who want this kind of life won’t bring her any pleasure.’
‘That’s messed up.’ I muttered.
‘It would be, if it wasn’t for the fact that she only chooses people that she knows are going to fully accept this life and find happiness through it. She doesn’t choose people who’ll continually try to escape and can never be trusted, or people who’ll be broken so badly that they’ll try to kill themselves over and over until they succeed, or people they will just resist for the rest of their lives. She chose us, because deep down, we truly want this life.’
‘What.’ I snorted. ‘That’s bullshit. I don’t want this!’
‘I used to think it was bullshit too.’ Tegan said gently. ‘But I ended up embracing this life, and all of the girls that Laine has chosen over the years have as well.’
‘How could she possibly know that this is what I want?’
‘Because she studied you for a year, like she studies everyone she chooses. And she found out this was what you wanted, even if you can’t admit it.’
‘She studied me?’ I frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
‘She has people who followed you around and observed you and your movements for a year, maybe longer. They watched you work, broke into your house and put cameras in there to watch you while you were alone, followed you when you went shopping, when you went to the library, to various restaurants, wherever. They went through all your things when you weren’t at home too, scoured through your computer and your laptop to get to know you better. Your search history, your emails, your journal, everything on it. We’ve even got your medical records.’
I stared at her in silence for a while, processing that. ‘I would have noticed if that was true.’
‘It is true, and you didn’t notice.’ Tegan said matter-of-factly. ‘The people Laine hires to do this kind of thing are amazing. It sounds pretty boring to me, studying the life of someone you’ve never met and analysing their every move, but they apparently find it really interesting. So they’re very careful not to get caught and have their fun ruined.’
‘Good for them.’ I scowled. ‘I don’t believe it though.’
‘I read your file before I was assigned to you today, you know.’ Tegan said after a moment and looked me dead in the eye. ‘Everyone has a file here, and I studied up on you before I came. I know that your last name is West, that you grew up on a farm and hated every moment of it, and that as soon as you could you left and moved as far away from it as you could afford, a tiny little apartment in the CBD, where you’ve lived for the last seven years. It’s across from a KFC that you frequent every Friday night. You buy six wicked wings with gravy and take it back home to eat, alone, while you watch your favourite Twitch streamer play through various games, most recently Super Metroid, which you’d been enjoying quite a bit. There’s a cat that you like to hang out with at night too, a small black and white one that you sit with in your backyard and talk to, telling it that it’s your only friend an-’
‘Stop!’ I shouted, feeling sick and ashamed. Everything she was saying was true, which meant that I had been followed, and studied and analysed and…and violated…by a group of stranger. ‘Uhm…but…but what was…so what? I never did anything that would make Laine think I wanted to be in a place like this! I’ve never wanted anything like this! I…what would make her think that…what…’
‘I don’t know.’ Tegan shrugged. ‘Maybe it was the kind of porn you watched and t-’
‘I don’t watch porn!’ I shrieked, suddenly snapping. ‘I don’t care about sex! I’ve never even masturbated! I’ve never once thoug-’
‘You’ve got a hentai bookmarked on your computer that you used to read every few weeks, about a boy who was kidnapped and forced to dress as a girl, and was eventually forced into prostitution. It was a Trap manga, if I recall, and t-’
‘That…that…I just…’ I gasped, breathing heavily. I’d forgotten about that. ‘I haven’t looked at that in years! I certainly never…never touched myself while reading it! Just because I found it interesting doesn’t mean that I wanted this.’
‘You didn’t find it more than interesting?’
‘No!’ I snapped, my stomach churning. ‘I…maybe just once…wished that maybe it’d have been nice to be forced to be a girl and have sex with a man, but that was years ago! How would Laine even know about that? And I felt so disgusting about having thought about that, that I never read it again!’
‘You never deleted the bookmark though.’
‘I never opened it though!’
‘There’s nothing to be ashamed about.’ Tegan said calmly.
‘Yes there is!’ I shouted, my eyes starting to water. ‘Yes there is! It’s wrong! And I don’t feel like that anymore!’
‘I think that if that were true then you wouldn’t be here.’
‘You don’t know anything!’ I hissed, wiping my eyes. ‘This is all so fucked up…because I looked at some stupid comic years ago and thought for a few seconds that it’d be nice to have happen to me, I get kidnapped and turned into a girl? It’s stupid!’
Tegan got up to sit beside me, and to my surprise put her arm around my shoulders and pulled me against her. I almost pulled away but she’d been much kinder to me that Laine had, and right now I was in desperate need of non-sexual human contact. ‘I’m sure that’s not the only reason, but look at how upset you’ve become just because of it. Surely it’s got something to do with all of this, yes?’
I sniffed and looked up at her. ‘I don’t want this. I really don’t! Not even deep down.’
‘Then it’s hidden deep, deep, deep, deep down.’ Tegan smiled down at me. ‘And Master will help you find it, and then you can become truly happy. Happier than most people ever get to be.’
‘No.’ I shook my head weakly, feeling exhausted. ‘That won’t happen. I won’t be happy like this.’
‘You will. Trust me. I know you will. Just like me.’ She gently wiped away some of my tears. ‘It’s going to take a while and it’s not going to be pleasant, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. When you finally accept your place here then you’ll wonder why you ever fought so hard against it.’
I sniffed and she handed me a tissue from her apron, which I gratefully accepted. ‘Thankyou.’
‘You’re welcome.’ She smiled and patted me on the head. ‘Now, I want to continue on with what I was talking about before, but first you need to eat. I’ll forgive you for arguing with me, but only this once, okay?’
‘Okay.’ I nodded, my hunger rearing up again. ‘I’m sorry I was…mean to you before. You’re really nice, nicer than I thought you would be.’
‘Thankyou!’ Tegan beamed as she went over to the tray and picked it back up. ‘You weren’t exactly mean though, just angry. I’m certainly not going to hold it against you, I was a monster on my first night here. I was screaming and shouting at the walls and I tried to punch Laine when I first met her. And when the girl who was assigned as my maid came in I nearly broke her nose throwing the tray of food at her.’
‘Really?’ I asked in awe and Tegan laughed.
‘Yeah. I was freakin’ furious for the first couple of weeks. I trashed my room and wrote “Fuck you cunts” all over the walls in eye liner and tried to burn all of my clothes. They had to restrain me most of the time, and I screamed and snarled all the way through it.’
‘Wow.’ I wondered why I wasn’t that angry. I was more sad and confused than angry. I’d never been an angry person, even when I was a teenager. The thought of throwing something at someone made me nervous and breaking things that didn’t belong to me just felt wrong.
Maybe I’d feel different tomorrow, after Laine’s first ‘session’.
Truth's Purity
Synopsis: A young man awakens in a strange room, in the body of a younger girl. He is scared and confused, and slowly learns why he is there and what plans lay in store for him. He meets a young woman who
Chapter 4
‘Hey, stop spacing out.’ Tegan said and I realised she’d gone over to the other desk and placed the tray there. ‘Time to eat!’
I hurried over and she pulled the seat out for me to sit on, and then pushed it back in once I was on. ‘Oh, you don’t have to do that.’
‘It’s part of my job.’ She smiled at my blushing face. ‘I’m your maid for the next couple of months or year, however long it takes for you not to need me anymore.’
‘What do you mean, for me to not need you anymore?’ I asked, for a moment distracted from the strangely sweet scent emanating from the bowl in front of me.
‘Well, we can’t trust you to go to the kitchen and get your own food, can we?’ Tegan said as she put a spoon in my hand. ‘You’d try to escape, so I have to bring you your food. And take you to the bathroom when you need to, and the shower, and clean up your room and your clothes and all of that.’
‘I’m going to be stuck in this room the whole time!?’
Tegan shook her head. ‘You’ll spend a lot of your time in here, but Master’s going to take you to some of the training rooms and you’ll probably spend some time with the other girls to learn from them. If you’re lucky you might even get to stay in Master’s room for a while.’
‘But I won’t be able to choose where I want to go? I won’t be able to move about freely?’
‘Of course not. I just explained that, didn’t I?’
‘Yeah but…’ I said and then frowned, wondering why I was surprised by that. Did I really expect anything else? If I had free roam of this place then I’d definitely be trying to find a way to escape.
‘Come on. Eat.’ Tegan said and tapped the tray. ‘I don’t want it to go cold before you finish it.’
I nodded and dipped the spoon into the porridge, which was brown with white and black swirls. It was lighter than I imagined, almost liquidly, and I had to be careful not to spill it when I lifted it to my mouth. I expected it to taste horrible despite how nice it smelt, but to my immense surprise I found that it was delicious. It tasted slightly sweet but had a…chicken-ish flavour, I guess, and there was a hint of spices in it as well.
‘Mmm!’ I looked up at Alexis after swallowing. ‘What is this?’
‘A special soup just for you.’ Tegan beamed. ‘Chicken’s your favourite food, isn’t it? Well, this has chicken stock in it, amongst other things.’
‘You…Laine made me something with my favourite food in it?’
‘Of course. She’s not a horrible monster, you know.’ Tegan said and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘She really does care about you. She loves all of her pets, and soon enough you’ll love her too.’ I didn’t reply to that and instead ate some more of the soup, so Tegan continued. ‘This mansion is much more than a brothel, Anna. We’re all a family here, Master and her toys. This is our home, our sanctuary away from the world. Yes, we have sex with men for money, and there is a bar here where some of us dance and strip, but that’s only half of our lives. I enjoy working here as a maid, helping girls like you. It makes me happy, helping you through the difficult start that we’ve all experienced. And some of us enjoy bartending at the bar below, or waitressing there, or cleaning the house, or working in the kitchen or-’
‘That’s all work though. You’re either having sex or working.’
‘If you enjoy your work then it’s not work.’ Tegan grinned, but tilted her head. ‘It can get tiring sometimes though, but we all support each other.’
‘How many other girls are here?’
‘Twelve or thirteen.’ Tegan said after thinking about it for a moment. ‘And there are some actual staff here too, who run the main kitchen and organise the service rooms and clean the training areas.’
‘How many of the girls are like me?’
‘You’re the third.’ Tegan said immediately. ‘It’s not too easy for Master to find people like you for some reason, and apparently it’s really expensive too. You’re quite the investment, you know. And you’ve come out perfectly. Master has been very excited about starting work with you.’
‘I came out perfectly? What does that mean?’
‘It means that you’re small, have a fantastic body and a beautiful face.’ Tegan said. ‘You look like you were born a girl and you have a fully-functioning and sensitive cock on top of that.’ I blushed furiously and once again clamped my legs together. ‘Don’t be embarrassed! Your special, you should be glad. Some of the girls here would kill to look as good as you do. You’re going to be ridiculously popular with the men here.’
‘I don’t want to be popular with them!’
Tegan began to say something but changed her mind and sighed. ‘Even so. You look beautiful, and you’re really cute as well. Surely you can be happy about that?’
‘It’s better than being unattractive, I guess.’
‘You’re far from unattractive. You’re stunning.’ Tegan said and I smiled at her, then blinked and turned back to the soup, hoping she hadn’t noticed. A small bubble of happiness had risen inside me when she’d complimented how I looked. Nobody had ever done that before, said I actually looked good.
I quickly finished off the soup and went to grab the mug, but Tegan grabbed my arm before I could. ‘Drink that slowly, okay? It’s probably still hot, and the mug might be as well.’
‘What is it?’ I asked as I gingerly touched the mug and found that it was indeed quite hot, despite having been left alone for so long. The insides were a murky brownish-grey that didn’t at all look appealing.
‘Well, I’m not sure what’s in it exactly, but it’ll be a mix of different drugs and stuff that your body needs to stay healthy. All of us have our own different cocktail that we have with our meals.’
‘There are drugs in here?’ I asked warily.
‘Well, not drugs like meth or something. Medication. Like, one of the girls here has a weak immune system so she her cocktail has the required meds in it to keep it strong.’
‘What’s in yours?’
‘That’s a pretty personal question.’ Tegan said with a raised eyebrow.
‘Oh! I-sorry! I didn’t realise…’
‘It’s okay.’ She laughed. ‘There’s nothing specific in mine anyway, just general vitamins and the like to keep me healthy and energised.’
I sniffed at the mug, but it just smelt hot. I sipped at it and a sour, grassy taste ran through my tastebuds ‘Eww! It’s really gross!’
‘Yeah, it never tastes good.’ Tegan said, laughing at the expression on my face. ‘You’ll get used to it after a couple of months though. Probably.’
‘I don’t want to drink it.’ I said and put the mug down, wiping my mouth. ‘It’ll make me throw up.’
‘You have to drink it.’ Tegan said seriously. ‘You’re going to want to be feeling your best for tomorrow and it’s going to help with that immensely.’
I bit my bottom lip and stared at her. ‘Can’t I drink it in the morning?’
‘You need to have it every morning and night. You’ll get another one in the morning but it takes a couple of hours for the body to digest it, so that one won’t do you any good for a while.’
‘What happens if I don’t drink it?’ I asked and Laine frowned at me.
‘You’re going to drink it, willingly or I’ll have to force it down your throat.’ She said flatly. ‘And I don’t think you want me to do that, do you?’
I stared at her, growing cold. For a moment I’d forgotten the situation I was in. Tegan had a friendly, casual attitude about her that’d made me drop my guard, but the reality of the situation came crashing back. ‘O-okay.’
‘Good girl.’ She said, her smile returning. I lifted the mug back up and took another sip, winced and then gulped all of it down, which turned out to be a mistake. I coughed as it went down and spilt quite a bit it over me, and when I tried to apologize I began coughing even more. The disgusting flavour permeated my mouth and throat and I gagged, but thankfully nothing came out.
Tegan gently turned me around and wiped my face with a cloth, then my chest and lap where I’d coughed up the liquid. There were large wet patches all over the nightdress, but they weren’t painfully hot.
‘Easy, easy. It’ll take a while for you to get used to it, but you did good! I’m proud of you!’ I blushed as she said that, and even more so when she patted me on the head. ‘Ohh, you like being praised do you? That’s good.’
I frowned at that but ignored it and got out of the chair to look down at the nightdress, which was splattered with the ‘cocktail’ I’d coughed up. Despite Tegan trying to clean it, it was still wet and felt cold and uncomfortable, especially around my stomach and chest where most of it had splattered. The fact that it wasn’t water but some gross mix of drugs made the splotches feel even more uncomfortable.
‘I need to change into something else.’ I said awkwardly, not sure if that was okay. To my relief Tegan nodded and went over to the wardrobe. I padded after her curiously, remembering Laine’s letter.
‘Wow.’ Tegan said as she pulled the door all the way open and stepped inside, the wardrobe lighting up automatically. ‘This is impressive!’
I followed her inside and my breath caught. The inside of the wardrobe was gigantic, probably the size of my old bedroom, and every inch of it was full of articles of clothing. A mirror the size of Laine was sent into the back centre of the room, and on either side of it were rows of clothing stretching all the way to the walls, and above them was another row of clothing. The bottom row was mainly skirts and a few pants and shirts, while the top row had what looked to be suits and dresses, although I couldn’t see them too well. There was a small step underneath the clothes where shoes were set, mainly high heels but a few basic shoes as well. There was a second story to the wardrobe, but its sliding black doors were closed and I wasn’t anywhere near tall enough to open them. I couldn’t even imagine what was in there.
The whole wardrobe smelt nice too, strangely enough. Kind of like a garden full of flowers on a hot summers day.
‘Look, there’s a maid outfit like mine here.’ Tegan said, going through the top rack. ‘And there’s a bartending outfit here too! Aww! You’d look so cute in it behind the bar serving drinks.’
That didn’t sound so bad. ‘I wouldn’t mind bartending.’
‘You’d probably enjoy it. You get to spend a lot of time with Yani and she’s awesome, one of my favourite girls here.’
‘Who’s Yani?’ I asked, walking over and the right side of the wardrobe, which was basically a gigantic cupboard. I opened a few drawers and found them full of underwear, all neatly folded and mainly black, pink or white.
‘She owns the bar. Or rather, Master put her in charge of it. The same thing really.’ Tegan said as she continued to peruse through the clothes.
‘There are so many clothes in here.’ I said, closing a draw full of bras and opening another one full of panties. ‘Laine really bought all of these brand new for me?’
‘I told you, she invested a lot into you.’ Tegan went over to the other side of the wardrobe where another gigantic cupboard was and began going through it. ‘She buys all of us new clothes when she chooses us, but this wardrobe and your room are much larger than normal. Hell, my wardrobe isn’t a walk-in one.’
I felt guilty for some reason and grimaced. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Why?’ Tegan laughed. ‘I’m not jealous, don’t worry. I only really use my room to sleep, and I’ve got more than enough clothes to be getting on with.’ I went over to where she was and found that the cupboard she was investigating had some clean nightdresses in it, and she pulled one out and held it up. It was pretty much a black version of the one I was wearing, only there was white lace at the bottom and the silk looked a bit thicker. ‘How about this one?’
‘Is there, like, just pyjamas? Like shirts and pants and stuff?’ I asked hopefully.
‘You should know the answer to that by now.’ Tegan said and closed the drawer with the nightdresses. ‘Now come on, let’s get you out of your nightdress and into this one.’
‘Ah! No, I’ll be okay, thankyou.’ I said quickly, taking the nightdress from her and backing away.
‘Alright then.’ She went past me and to the other cupboard, where she grabbed a white pair of panties with a little love-heart on the band and some fresh white stockings. ‘Put these on as well.’
I stared at her for a while until I realised she wasn’t going to leave. ‘Are you really going to watch me change?’
‘Yes. I am.’
‘I can’t change while you’re watching.’
She sighed. ‘Really?’
‘Yes really!’
‘You’re way too shy, Anna. I told you, your body is beautiful. You have nothing to be ashamed about.’
‘Even if that were true, that doesn’t mean you have to stare at it!’
‘Anna.’ Tegan said seriously and put a hand on my shoulder. ‘Seriously, if you’re too embarrassed to get changed in front of me then you’re going to have a far more difficult time than normal in the coming months than even I did. Taking off your clothes, being naked in front of strangers, having your body exposed…that’s going to be one of the least humiliating things that you’re going to experience here. You need to get used to it.’
‘I don’t want to get used to it.’ I said as very, very scary chills ran down my spine at her words.
‘I’m not going to leave here until you change.’ She said and, still keeping her hand on my shoulder, slid the wardrobe shut. She gently pushed me deeper into the room, into the corner, and then crossed her arms. ‘And you’re going to change while facing me, not with your back turned.’
‘Then I’m not going to ch-’
‘And if you’re not changed in five minutes then I’m going to change you myself.’ She said over me, clearly having expected me to say that. To my surprise she took out an iPhone from a pocket in the side of her skirt, glanced at it and then put it away again.
I swallowed and stared at her, wondering if she’d actually force me to change. She’d been so nice and kind, and while she’d acted serious she’d never yet hurt me. Surely it was just an act to get me to do what she wanted. Laine was the forceful one, not her. She was like…like the good cop? And Laine was the bad cop?
Well, that didn’t matter either way. I was not going to change in front of her. I was ashamed of this body, regardless of whether or not she thought it was attractive, and I didn’t want anyone seeing it. Especially my penis…I didn’t want anyone seeing that, or me in my underwear. The thought alone made me squirm uncomfortably.
I put down the clothes, crossed my arms like she had and glared up at her, trying to act as defiant as possible. To my surprise she actually laughed.
‘Alright then. I guess we’re doing this the hard way. No point in waiting five minutes.’ She said and clapped her hands together. ‘This is your last chance, sweetie. Are you going to change on your own?’
I swallowed, legs shaking. I had no idea what was about to happen. ‘No.’
Tegan smiled tightly and walked over, looked at me in silence for a moment and then faster than I could react, grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me onto the ground. I gasped as the air flew out of my lungs, and before I could even think about recovering Tegan was on top of me, her knees on either side of my body and her hands grabbing mine and shoving them above my head.
‘Let me go!’ I screamed as soon as I managed to gasp in some air. She ignored me and pushed my hands into each other so she could hold them with just one of hers, and then began pulling the nightdress up. ‘No! Get off me! Stop it! GET OFF ME!’
I thrashed about wildly, but she put a stop to that by slamming her knee into my waist, stunning me and pinning me down. She let go of my hands for a moment as she finished pulling up the nightdress, jerking it off me so fast that I couldn’t react quick enough before she grabbed my hands again. She stared at me meaningfully and then put her hand onto my panties. I began screaming at her again but she once again ignored me and slowly peeled them off.
‘No…please stop…’ I begged her as tears stung my eyes. ‘Please don’t do this!’
‘This is what you chose, not me.’ She said, pulling them down to my thighs.
‘Stop it!’ I shrieked and tried to thrash about but her knee still pinned me to the ground. I tried to jerk my knees up at her face but she easily shoved them back down with her free hand. She finished pulling off the panties and just stared down at me for a moment, her eyes unreadable. ‘Don’t look at me! Fuck off! FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF! I HATE YOU! STOP LOOKING AT ME!’
She frowned slightly but didn’t react, just began slipping off the stockings one by one. Once they were off she finally let go of my arms, and I weakly tried to drag myself from under her knee. After a moment of watching me struggle she stood up and I flung myself backwards as far as I could, smashing against the middle of the cupboard, then slammed my legs together over my penis and covered my chest with my hands. My breathing was heavy and ragged and I couldn’t stop crying or stop myself form shivering or shaking.
‘I warned you.’ Tegan said and I snarled at her.
‘FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE!’
‘I am nice. You just didn’t do what you were told.’
‘YOU-’ I began but my voice cracked and it ended in a whimper. It took me a while to find it again and when I spoke it was in a trembling, fractured way. My throat hurt from all of the screaming. ‘Stop looking at me. Please stop looking at me.’
‘You were made to be looked at.’
‘NO I WASN’T!’ I screamed, sending lines of pain running down my throat and making me wince.
‘Yes you were. Do you think Master made you so beautiful for your own benefit?’
‘I don’t care.’ I rasped. ‘I don’t care. I hate you. I hate you both. I hate you all. I hate this place. I want to go home. Please let me go home! I want to go home!’
Tegan smiled sadly and knelt down in front of me, making me whimper and push back further into the cupboard. ‘This is your home now, Anna.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s not. It’s not! It’s not. I’m not a girl, I’m not, I don’t want to have sex with men I don’t want to be trained to, I don’t want to be like this anywhere inside of me, not deep down, I just want to go home please let me go home! I need to go home! I can’t stay here! I don’t belong here! Please!’
Tegan reached out and put her hand to the side of my face, and gently caressed it, smearing tears all over my cheek. I would have flinched away but my head was already resting against the cupboard and if I moved to the side she’d see my penis. ‘Come on. It’s time for bed. You need to get dressed, you can’t sleep naked or you’ll catch a cold.’
‘No.’ I shook my head. ‘I want to go home.’
‘You are home, and it’s time for bed.’ Tegan said gently and grabbed my arms. ‘Come on. I’ve seen you naked now, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed about.’ I shook my head again but she easily pulled my hands away from my chest, and then lifted me up. I squealed angrily and tried to make her drop me but I didn’t want to open my legs so all I could do was try and pull down with my arms, which didn’t do much. ‘Anna, you’re being silly. I know what’s between your legs.’
I whimpered in answer and she sighed, carried me over to where the clean clothes were and gently deposited me onto the ground. She picked up the white panties and stared at me, and I knew what she was going to do. I had no energy to fight her as she pulled my legs open and began sliding them up, and she continued to ignore my pleas for her to stop. She slipped the panties and fitted them snugly around my groin, and patted it once she was done. Then she pulled me up and put the nightdress on me, one arm at a time. Finally, she carefully put the stockings onto my legs, ran her hands gently over them, squeezed my thighs and beamed at me.
‘There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?’
I stared blankly at her.
‘I know that was really hard, but it was for the best. You need to get used to this kind of thing, okay? I’m going to suggest to Master that she let me change your clothes every morning and night, and whenever else they need changing. That should make you get used to it faster.’
I stared blankly at her.
‘She’ll change your clothes herself, of course. She likes using us as dolls, which is why I want you to get used to it as fast as possible. She bought all of these clothes for you and I know she’s excited to dress you up and play. And beyond that, she’s going to see you naked a lot and you really, really need to get used to that.’
I stared blankly at her.
She put an arm against my back and under my knees, gently lifting me up. I gasped and clutched at her shoulders, fear rushing into me. But she just smiled and carried me to the door, slid it open and went to the bed. She lay me down on the side where I’d first crawled out when I’d woken up, seemingly hours ago, and carefully pushed me deeper into the centre.
‘Get some sleep now, okay? You’ve had a big day and you’ll have an even bigger one tomorrow.’ She pulled the blankets over me and tucked them in tightly, then kissed me on the forehead. ‘I’ll see you in the morning, Anna. Sweet dreams.’
And she left. I heard the wall slide open as the lights in the room all shut off, leaving a shaft of light coming in from the opening in the wall. Then it slid shut and darkness consumed the room.
I stared blankly up at the darkness.
Truth's Purity
Synopsis: A young man awakens in a strange room, in the body of a younger girl. He finds out why he's there, but refuses to accept his feelings
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)
Chapter 5
I jolted awake from a tangled mass of fuzzy dreams and stared around at the unfamiliar bedroom around me. Where was I? What…this place was…oh god…
The memories of the past day came crashing down onto me and a pained grunt mixed with a whimper escaped my lips. The shame from the other night tore through my chest and my eyes burned. How could I have been so stupid as to think Tegan was my friend here? I’d been humiliated and violated just because I hadn’t wanted to change clothes in front of her. She was a monster. I hated her! She’d tricked me into thinking she was my friend when she was just as fucked up as Laine was.
Cold anger flooded me and I tore myself out of the bed and went over to the wall that had opened the day before, running my hands over it to try and see if I could find anything, some hint of how it worked. I needed to get out of here. I couldn’t go through something like what had happened last night, and from what I understood even worse things were going to happen to me today. And the day after. For months and months until I broke.
I felt no signs of a door so I stopped searching with my hands and instead studied it, taking in every aspect of the wall. Which turned out to be a waste of time because it just looked like a wall, so clean that there weren’t even any interesting dust formations to look at. I couldn’t tell what the wall was made out, it certainly wasn’t wood, and whatever it was it was as hard as steel. Was it made out of steel? A thick layer of it? Was that possible? Were some walls made completely out of steel? It sounded like a stupid thing to not know but I really had no idea. I’d never even thought about what walls were made out of before.
Would it even matter if I knew what this stupid fucking wall was made out of? The only way I’d be able to break it down was if it was made from cardboard, which it was obviously not.
‘Fuck!’ I screamed after staring at the wall for so long that my vision started to double in on itself. How the hell could this wall be so flawless? I’d seen it slide open! There had to be some kind of line along it that’d show where it parted! There had to be!
‘OPEN!’ I snarled in frustration, my anger growing stronger. ‘Let me out of here! LET ME OUT!’
I snapped and shoved my hands, palms-first, against the wall as hard as I could. It didn’t do anything beyond pissing me off even more and sending a sliver of pain through my arms. The small pain sparked my anger and it exploded into a raging bonfire that for a moment consumed me, and I reared back and punched the wall as hard as I could.
That turned out to be a bad idea. My fist hit the wall with a hard ‘THWACK’ and crumpled against it, the skin on my knuckles slightly scraping off as horrible pain shot through my entire arm, centring around my fingers. I’d thrown the punch so violently that I was jerked forward and smacked against the wall, bruising my nose and chin, but nowhere near as badly as I’d hurt my arm. I slid down onto the ground with an agonized whimper, cradling the bundle of agony that was now my right hand as pained tears ran down my face.
‘Ow ow ow ow ow.’ I gasped as I tentatively moved my injured fingers. None of them were broken but they were definitely not in good shape. I couldn’t feel them properly beyond where the pain was emanating from and I had trouble getting them to do what I wanted, like made a fist or fully straighten.
I kept trying to make a fist though, and after a couple of attempts I finally managed to. I was still angry, the pain only seeming to just add fuel to the blazing inferno of rage inside of me, and I stomped to my feet and glared at the wall, not sure what I was going to do but angry enough to not care. My breathing was coming out in short burst of either pained whimpers or furious grunts.
I imagined Tegan on the other side of the wall, laughing at me for being so pathetic. Laughing in her stupid, delighted way that made me want to punch her in the face. She’d enjoyed tearing off my clothes and staring at me naked, she’d known I was going to refuse to change in front of her and wanted me to fight her. Why couldn’t she have just left the clothes there and gone? She was full of shit! As if I was going to get used to people seeing me naked! And if she thought I was going to let her undress me again then she was insane. I was going to fight her properly this time. She’d gotten me by surprise last time because I’d thought she was a nice person, she’d tricked me, but that wouldn’t happen this time! As soon as she came near me I was going to punch her in the face! I was going to make her sorry she ever touched at me, tore off my clothes and stared at me, stared at my…my body, my…penis! And…and today Laine was…she was going to do worse things, she was going to…
I snapped again and, deciding in a split second that I didn’t care what happened to my body, only caring that I needed to get out of here somehow, even if it meant breaking my arm, I punched the wall again. As hard as I could, more violently than I had before.
An even worse pain than before exploded through me but I screamed through it and slammed my body against the wall, then stepped back and punched it again, unable to do it as hard as before but hard enough that I felt satisfied, and then I threw my weight against the wall again. Was it moving? Maybe I could jar it open or something! Or break it so that they had to tear it down to get in, and when they did I’d be able to find a way to escape!
I slammed my hand against the wall again, and again, and again until I couldn’t stand the pain anymore, and let it hang limply against at my side while I continued to slam myself against the wall, shoulder first. I don’t know how long I was at it but I was finally forced to stop when the pain became too much. I groaned and leant against the wall, gasping for breath as sweat ran down my face. I surely had to be making some progress!
I stepped back and took a deep breath. My nose was bleeding slightly and I vaguely recalled accidentally hitting it against the wall a few times when I’d landed awkwardly while ramming it. I lifted up my left hand and wiped away some of the blood, and then with a vindictive fuck you to Tegan I wiped it onto the nightdress. My right arm was bleeding too, a mangled mess of torn skin and blood, and I would have wiped that against myself too if the pain hadn’t of been so bad. I tried to clench it into a fist but it only twitched painfully, so I ignored it and steeled myself to rush at the wall again.
And then I suddenly collapsed, the pain and exhaustion finally winning against the anger. I fell backwards with a whimper, my hand and shoulder feeling like they were burning apart. I wiped the sweat out of my face with my left hand and moved back until I was against the bed, then hugged my knees to myself and shook as the pain got worse and worse, until I couldn’t take it anymore and I started screaming, mainly a random array of swear words but some fairly unpleasant comments about Tegan as well. After a few minutes of this I felt a tiny bit better and was able to control my breathing somewhat, and glared over my knees at the wall.
I couldn’t break it down. Maybe if I had my old body, but probably not even then. I needed to be a six foot tall mountain of a man to be able to even have a chance, and I was a tiny twenty-one-year old girl. Well, I was twenty-five I guess, but did that really matter? I didn’t look anywhere near that old and my life hadn’t really progressed in any meaningful way since I was eighteen anyway. I’d just floated about in obscurity, spending my free time hanging out with cats and watching other people play video games online. Was that seriously the kind of life I was so desperate to get back to?
I shook my head angrily, not wanting to think about such depressing things at the moment. When I got out of here I’d…change, do better, try to make friends. Maybe go back to Uni and study something fun, or get a new job where I’d actually be able to talk to people and not be stuck in a lonely little cubicle. Maybe I’d try working at a restaurant, where there were always people around to talk to.
None of that would happen though if I didn’t get out of here, and trying to break down the wall was clearly not going to work. So I needed to slip out when it was open, the next time someone came through it. And that was probably going to be soon, when Tegan came with my breakfast, or when Laine came to start our…sessions.
I sat up a little and lowered one of my knees so it’d be easier to charge at the wall when it opened, and then prepared myself to wait. If I ran as soon as I saw the wall move then I might be able to surprise the person on the other side and slip past them before they could react. I doubted I’d be able to actually get very far considering I had no idea what was on the other side, but I’d learn something and that was progress. I’d escape from the room again eventually and with my knowledge of what was outside the room I’d be able to get a little further. I probably wouldn’t escape that time either, but if I kept it up I’d eventually manage it!
I…probably should have tried to escape this way first instead of attempting to break down the wall…
I actually smiled slightly at that thought, but then pushed it away so I could focus all of my attention on the wall. As soon as I heard that clunking metal sound, as soon as it began to slide backwards, I was going to be up and running at it as fast as I could. From what I’d seen Tegan and Laine had been in the centre of the opening when the wall slid open, so I should be able to rush through the side while it was opening and catch them off guard.
This was actually going to work! I was go-
CLUNK.
Oh god! It was happening already! I-crap!
Fear drenched me and for a moment I wavered, but I clenched my sore hand and the pain took centre stage.
It was time to get out of here.
I jumped to my feet and charged at the wall as it began to slide open, and once there was a space large enough for me to slip through I did so, and started running faster than I ever had before. A sharp intake of breath came from my right and I saw Tegan standing there holding a mug and a white case but I ignored her.
A wide, brightly-lit corridor greeted me, with large scenery paintings lining the wall. There were some stools with various potted plants resting upon them but I couldn’t really take in any of the details beyond seeing that there weren’t any doors along the corridor. The floor was a shining black marble that made it hard to run in my stockings so I slowed my pace as much as I could, but didn’t stop. Why hadn’t I thought to take them off? That’d have made this much easier.
About thirty meters ahead of me the hallway ended in a silvery elevator, set into the back wall and with only one button next to it, an UP one. Hope surged inside of when I saw that and I sped up. If I got into that elevator I could take it to the ground floor and have a chance at finding the front entrance.
As I got closer however the elevator lit up and to my horror it opened, revealing Laine. She was holding a black briefcase and talking on a smartphone, but when she saw me her eyes lit up and she put the phone in her pocket. I skidded to a stop and slipped over, tried to stabilise myself with my bloody right hand and ended splatting against the marble floor. Once again pain shot through me and I felt my nose begin to bleed as it smacked against the cold marble ground.
‘Fuck!’ I snarled and shoved myself up with my left hand, refusing to give up. Laine was walking towards me, her high-heeled black boots echoing through the hallway. She was wearing a slim, unbuttoned black blazer over a white shirt, along with a short black skirt like the one she’d been wearing the other day. Maybe it was tight enough that it’d restrict her movements and I could get past her, if I ran fast enough?
‘Oh my.’ She said with a wide grin, brushing her hair behind her ears. ‘Looks like we’ve got an Anna escapee! How cute!’
I glared at her until she was a few steps in front of the elevator and then charged at it. I ran to the right and to my surprise she didn’t try to stop me, just stood back and watched, her eyes glinting. I got into the elevator just as the door closed and let out an exhausted breath, my arm throbbing with agony. Fuck!
I’d done it!
But…
I looked around the elevator and caught a glimpse of myself, as the entire back wall was a mirror. My nose and lips were bloody, my right hand was steadily dripping blood onto the metal floor and hair was smeared across my face from all the sweating and crying.
I turned away and looked for the buttons, found them on the right side and immediately pressed random floor numbers just so I could get the elevator moving. The buttons were white set in a gold circle and lit up when I pressed them. To my surprise there were a lot of them, beginning at B-4 and going all the way up to floor 10. Surely this place wasn’t that big was it? It was just a brothel, not an apartment complex or something.
I pressed the Floor 1 button and waited anxiously for the elevator to begin moving, but it didn’t. Had I put in too many commands before? Had I frozen it? Or…
Or it wasn’t going to work for me. There was a black sensor next to the buttons, just above my head, similar to the one that was outside my old apartment’s entrance, one that required you to have a special card to activate it…
Laine had just watched me come in here, and I’d slipped and fallen for a good couple of seconds outside so if Tegan had been of been chasing me she’d have had ample time then to get me.
….but they hadn’t tried to stop me at all. Because they knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
I fell down onto the floor, all of my energy dissipating, along with the anger and hope.
I couldn’t escape. This elevator was the end. I couldn’t use it and without it I wasn’t going anywhere. I was stuck here, on this floor with only the hallway and my bedroom in it. It was a perfect cage.
No…no…
The elevator doors opened and Laine came in, kneeling down in front of me and putting her hand underneath my chin so I’d look up at her.
‘Are you satisfied now?’ she asked gently. ‘You can’t leave here. You’re special to me, Anna. I built this floor just for keeping you here, safe and sound, without any possibility of escaping. See this?’ she put down the briefcase and pulled out a large black smartphone in a white case. A distant part of me was surprised to see that there was a small plastic black and white kitten tied onto a string hanging from it. On the screen was what looked like Lain’s ID, with a smiling picture of her in the corner and a black barcode next to it. ‘You need to flash this across the sensor to activate it, and you need my password to do that, and once you do you need to enter another password in the sensor before it’ll actually let you use the elevator.’
I felt tears start to well up but I gritted my teeth and glared at her. ‘This is stupid! Why would do all of that just to keep me here?’
‘I told you why.’
‘I’m not special!’
‘Don’t say that, munchkin.’ She smiled, putting her hands on either side of my face and staring at me in silence for a while. ‘You poor little thing. You really hurt yourself trying to escape, didn’t you?’ And she pulled me into a hug, which I was too exhausted to even attempt to struggle out of. ‘My silly, sweet little lamb. You shouldn’t be so rough with yourself; you’re far too delicate and fragile to be hurting yourself like this. Come on, let’s get you cleaned up. We’ve got a big day ahead of us and I want you to be in as best condition as possible!’
And with that she stood up, scooped me up under her arm as if I really were a baby lamb and walked out of the lift. I protested and tried to struggle out of her grip but there was barely any energy left in me and I don’t think she even noticed. It was pointless.
I was never going to get out of here.
Chapter 6
‘We didn’t get much time to talk the other day, did we?’ Laine said cheerfully as she walked down the hall with me gently bouncing up and down against her hips. ‘I wasn’t in the best of moods, I have to admit, and I didn’t have a lot of free time. I’d been in meetings all day and was starting to get a bit…antsy. But I’ve made sure that I’m as free as possible over the next couple of weeks so we can get our training off to a good start. We’re going to get to know each other very well in the coming days, Anna.’
We entered my room and she deposited me onto the ground. Tegan was standing in front of the bed, wearing the same maid outfit as yesterday, and smiled kindly at me. I spun around so I wouldn’t have to look at her.
‘How is she?’ Tegan asked as I watched the wall slide shut.
‘She damaged her hand quite badly, and her nose is a bit bruised but I don’t think it’s serious.’ Laine said and walked past me. I refused to turn around and see Tegan so I continued to stare at the wall. ‘Would you mind giving her a shower before bandaging her up? She’s covered in blood and sweat, and her hair is a mess.’
‘I though you liked your girls like that.’ Tegan said playfully and Laine laughed.
‘Only when I’m the one who’s done it to them.’ She said and I flinched as her hand patted me on the head. ‘You’re refusing to look at Tegan, huh? Still mad about the other night?’
The anger immediately flooded back into me and whipped around to snarl at Tegan. ‘She! She-she-’ I stuttered, too many words trying to force their way out of me at once. I took a shaky breath and tried to speak more coherently, but found that I couldn’t fully express how I was feeling.
‘She’s pissed, isn’t she?’ Laine said in amusement, looking at Tegan. ‘What did you do to the poor thing?’
‘She wouldn’t change in front of me so I forced her to.’ Tegan said and straightened her skirts. ‘She’s very shy about her body, even though she shouldn’t be. It’s beautiful.’
‘It is, isn’t it?’ Laine said and made a strange purring sound. ‘I’d very much like to see it. Would you undress for me please, Anna?’
Oh god. My heart stopped and the anger was immediately replaced with fear. I couldn’t…not in front of Laine…it’d been so horrible last time…just thinking about it made my legs start to shake. I remembered Tegan’s knee easily pinning me to the ground as she tore off my clothes, stared at my penis and breasts…I’d been so helpless…
‘D-do I have to?’
‘Yes.’ Laine said.
I lifted my right hand hopefully. ‘I don’t think I can like this…’
‘Oh. Sorry munchkin! I should have realised.’ Laine smiled at me. ‘Don’t worry about it then. Tegan, could you undress her for me?’
I flinched and stepped backwards as Tegan walked over. ‘Go away!’
‘Anna...are we really going to go through this again?’ Tegan said, exasperated. ‘You know how it’s going to end.’
‘Leave me alone!’ I growled and took another step backwards, hitting the chair in front of the mirror desk. ‘I hate you!’
‘Sweetie…’ Tegan said and stopped advancing.
‘Little girls need to do what they’re told.’ Laine said and walked over to me. I was too focused on Tegan to fully focus on her, so I was taken completely by surprise when she picked me up, sat down on the chair and placed me onto her lap. My hair dangled down into my eyes and I tried to squirm around to face her but she put a hand on my back to keep me steady. ‘Huh? Wh-’
‘This is going to hurt, Anna, but you need to learn.’ Laine said and to my horror she pulled up my nightdress and tugged down my panties.
‘No! Let me go!’ I cried and began to thrash harder, thinking that she was going to take off my clothes. ‘Y-’
‘Ohh, you have such a gorgeous ass.’ She purred and ran her hands over it. Then she squeezed it and I gasped as a small jolt of pleasure ran through me, quickly followed by a torrent of shame.
‘What are you doing? Don’t touch me there!’
She ignored me and continued to squeeze and run her hands over my rear, sighing happily.
‘It’s so beautiful, isn’t it?’ she whispered. ‘So soft and smooth.’
‘It’s perfect.’ Tegan agreed and I twitched in fury.
‘Stop it!’ I shrieked. ‘Let me go!’
Laine squeezed harder and then released. ‘I love spanking sexy little asses like yours.’
‘Wh-’
THWACK
I screamed in pain as her right hand slapped me on the ass, harder than I would have thought possible. I renewed my struggling to try and escape but her hand on my back was like a steel pillar pinning me to her lap. Oh god.
THWACK.
I screamed again and my body twitched on its own accord. Fresh tears stung my eyes and I started sobbing, barely comprehending what was happening. I was being spanked, by a woman who didn’t even look old enough to be my mother, and it hurt almost a badly as punching the wall had.
And Tegan was watching as I was humiliated.
‘No! Stop it!’
THWACK
‘Please! Stop it! You-’
THWACK
I dissolved into tears and began sobbing, my mind losing itself to the pain. This was horrible, so much worse than what Tegan had done to me. Why was she doing this? This was beyond degrading…
THWACK
‘Please…’ I begged, still staring down at the ground. My tears fell into my hair and dripped off of them and onto the carpet. ‘I can’t stand this! Stop it!’
THWACK
I began screaming, trying to speak but unable to.
THWACK
I couldn’t…
THWACK
…
For a terrifying moment nothing happened and I braced myself for another hit, but her hands just slowly ran over my rear. It felt so painful, like it was on fire, and as her fingers ran across it I whimpered. She pulled me up and turned me around so I was facing her, and to my confusion she was smiling warmly.
‘Owh, you poor thing.’ She cooed, wiping away some of my tears as I hiccupped. ‘I know that hurt a lot, but you have to do what we tell you to, okay? Otherwise I’ll be forced to spank you again, twice as many times.’ She didn’t wait for an answer and pulled the nightdress off of me in on go, my arms too tired to resist. Then she finished pulling off my panties and let them drop to the ground, along with my stockings. ‘There we go! All done!’
And she put me down on the ground, where I slammed my legs together and covered my chest like I had the night before. My entire body was shaking and I couldn’t stop sobbing.
What had…why had she done that…just because I wouldn’t take off my clothes…she…she…
I’d never been more humiliated in my entire life. She’d treated me like I was a little girl, a naughty toddler who refused to do what they were told. Not even my own parents had spanked me. I’d never experienced something like that, and that fact that I was twenty five years old made it all the more shameful.
I was so weak. I couldn’t do anything to stop her, just like I hadn’t been able to stop Laine the other night either. I really was at their mercy. They could do anything they wanted with me and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
‘No…’ I whimpered. ‘No…no…no…’
‘Could you take her to the shower and clean her up now please?’ Laine said, getting up off the chair and going to the wardrobe as Tegan nodded. ‘I’m going to look for a suitable outfit for her to wear today. One that’s easy to take off not too revealing. There should be a cute little dress in here somewhere, I remember buying quite a few but…hmm…maybe just a simple dress would be fine…’
Tegan walked over to wall opposite the wardrobe and looked at it with a slight frown, then stepped slightly to the side. She pulled out her phone and moved her hands across it for a few seconds, and if I hadn’t been so numb then I’d have been surprised to see the wall open up, just like the entrance to this room.
She came over and knelt down in front of me. ‘Anna…are you able to come with me to the bathroom?’ I just stared at her, tears streaming down my face. I felt cold and empty. She smiled kindly. ‘Okay then sweetie. I’m going to carry you over, alright?’
And she did so, slipping her hands under my knees and back like she’d done last night and carrying me to the bathroom. Once we were inside the wall slid shut and I wondered if Laine had made it do that with her phone or if the doors just closed automatically.
The bathroom was as large as every other room in this place. In fact, I think it was almost the same size as my bedroom, but the walls were black and the floor was similar to the marble that had been in the hallway, only slightly rougher and a little lighter.
There was a bathtub set into the back corner, pure black and almost as tall as I was. It was long enough to easily fit about five of me inside of it too, and the tap was shaped like a white swan with its wings spread. It probably cost as much as my old apartment did.
Next to it was a long towel rack and past that was the shower, which was just a depressed open area with a showerhead above it and a drain in the centre. There were several glass shelves set underneath the tap with hair and body products on them, as well as a pink body sponge on top of a black washer.
In the corner opposite the bathtub was a sink, as elaborate as the bathtub, with a mirror above it. There was an electric toothbrush next to it and some toothpaste, as well as a collection of what I assumed was facial care products. I’d seen similar bottles in stores before but never needed to buy them before. Underneath the sink was a cupboard that I assumed was full of towels, and a few feet across from it was a door that led to a toilet.
‘Hah.’ Tegan laughed softly as she placed me down onto an ornate wooden chair that was sitting next to the sink. ‘Master really does love her bathrooms.’
She went to an array of switches above me that I hadn’t noticed and turned on a fan, filling the room with a soft hum, and then lit up the shower area. Then she began to undress.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked weakly, unable to comprehend why she was doing so.
‘I’m going to clean you, so I need to be in the shower too.’ She said as she pulled her bodice over her hand and began undoing her white bra. ‘I don’t think it’d be good if I let you try and clean yourself in your current condition.’
I didn’t have an answer to that so I just watched as she undressed, not caring that it was rude. She’d done worse to me.
She watched me as she undressed, undeterred. She took off her gloves and undid her bra, letting out a small sigh of relief as she did so. Her boobs were quite large, probably a C cup, and almost perfectly round and perky. Her nipples were a deep, shiny pink and stood out from the pale milkiness of her skin, and were about the size of a fifty cent coin. I wondered if mine looked like that but didn’t look down to check. I wasn’t comfortable enough to look at my body that closely yet. Just knowing that it was female was too much information for me at the moment.
I began to feel uncomfortable starting at Tegan and gritted my teeth. I’d never actually seen a girl naked before except in my Sex Ed textbooks during senior school, and those pictures had usually been see-through or full of unpleasant facts about STI’s, so I was really curious about what she looked like underneath all her clothes but…
Was it really okay for me to watch Tegan undress? No, it wasn’t. I…I shouldn’t do to her what she’d done to me.
I sniffed and wiped my eyes, looking down at my lap. After what Laine had just done to me I was starting to realise that Tegan wasn’t as bad as I’d thought. She’d never hit met, and while she’d…done what she’d done it was for my own good, I could kind of see that now. I’d probably be feeling a whole lot worse right about now if I hadn’t been so badly humiliated the night before.
Then again, maybe not. I didn’t know. I really had no freaking idea about anything anymore. It was easier to think Tegan had been trying to help me like she’d said though.
‘It’s okay. You can look.’ She said and I jumped slightly. ‘I don’t mind. You’ve never seen a girl naked before, have you?’
‘How do you know that?’ I asked and looked at her as she unzipped her skirt, still feeling a little uncomfortable. At least my head was starting to clear though.
‘I guessed. You don’t seem like you’ve been around girls much, and you said the other day that you’ve never looked at porn.’
‘I…I have seen some.’ I admitted. ‘But only a few hentai, and all of the characters were either men or…umm…’
‘Boys who looked like girls?’
‘Yeah.’ I said uncomfortably and then began elaborating, mainly to fill in the silence. It felt weird to just sit there and watch her undress in silence, and being alone with her and not around Laine was calming me down quite a bit. ‘For a few days while I was at Uni I was really interested in that kind of stuff for some reason. I didn’t even know it even existed until I heard someone in class joke about how some anime character looked like a trap and explained what that meant to her friend. That stuck in my mind and I went home and looked up traps and…yeah. I stopped after a few days.’
‘Why?’ she asked as she finished taking off her shoes and stared on her socks. She was just in her black panties now and I noticed that her body was like mine, slim and curvy, except that she was obviously taller than I was and her arms and legs had visible muscles. There was a brown, smudgy birthmark above her right hip and a little brown dot to the left of her small bellybutton.
‘I stopped because I felt dirty and gross and ashamed. It wasn’t right, looking at stuff like that. For the first few days I only saw the stuff where the guys seduced the men, or were willingly hired as prostitutes, but then I found Heartleaf Golden and…’
‘That’s the one you’ve got bookmarked?’ Tegan asked, walking over to me. ‘Yes.’ Cold shivers ran down my back. ‘It was about a boy who looked like a girl, and he was kidnapped and these men dressed him as a girl and they…’
‘Raped him.’ Tegan finished for me and I nodded shakily. ‘And after that he realised that he wanted to be a girl and have sex with men all the time and began begging for it.’
‘Did you read it?’
‘I did.’ She nodded, taking off her headband and letting her hair fall over her face. ‘It was pretty unrealistic, but I guess that was the point. No one gives in and breaks that quickly, especially not from being raped so violently.’
‘I know! That’s why I hated it! It was so gross and fucked up, but I couldn’t get it out of my head, especially the starting bits when he’s forced to dress as a girl and he looks really pretty and…’ Something inside of me clenched up and I nearly started crying again. ‘I don’t know. I envied him for a moment. I wanted to look like a girl and be…touched and stuff. And at the start when it wasn’t so violent I liked it. But that made me feel so sick that I eventually forced myself to stop reading it.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with finding that kind of thing arousing.’ Tegan said gently.
‘I wasn’t aroused!’ I snapped.
‘Have you ever been aroused before?’
‘O-of course.’ I said, although not very confidently. Had I ever been aroused before yesterday when Laine had kissed me? ‘I must have been at some point…when I was a teenager maybe, I don’t know.’
‘Most people remember the first time they got turned on.’ Tegan said with an amused grin. ‘It’s a pretty big moment in a young person’s life, when they discover their sexuality. It’s not something you’re likely to forget.’
‘I’ve never been a very sexual person.’ I muttered, still trying to remember. I…had I even had a crush on someone before? I’d never found anyone at school all that attractive, male or female, and by the time I’d reached Uni I’d pretty much given up on interacting with other people.
‘But you still felt something while reading about a boy being forced to be a girl and fuck men?’ Tegan asked gently. ‘Maybe that was the first time you got aroused, and that’s why it’s so important to you.’
‘This-why are you asking me about this?’ I cried, my anger resurfacing, but mixed in with a confusing feeling that I didn’t know and didn’t like. ‘It’s none of your business. My life is none of your business! You shouldn’t even know anything about me!’
‘I’m just trying to help, sweetie. I want you to be happy.’ She put her hands on my shoulder and looked at me, her brow creased in concern. Her blonde hair fell loosely over her face and her green eyes stared deeply into my own, and to my surprise I actually believed that she meant what she said.
‘Why?! You’re…I didn’t…’ my throat tightened again and I bowed my head, staring at my lap so I wouldn’t have to look at her. ‘Why are you so nice? It doesn’t make any sense.’
‘I’m nice because I care about you.’ She said with a smile that reached her eyes. ‘I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s true.’
‘You haven’t even known me for a full day!’
‘I have though.’ She ran her hand along my cheek. ‘When you were first brought here, unconscious, I took care of you. For nearly a month I spent most of my time at your side, monitoring your IV drip and replacing it every couple of hours, moving you around and massaging your joints so your body didn’t get injured, and washing you every morning to keep you clean. When I wasn’t doing any of those things I was reading your file, over and over. I moved that chair you’re sitting on next to your bed and would read it every day until I memorized it front to back.’ She leant in closer and I swallowed. ‘So I have known you for longer than a day, sweetie. And thanks to your file I know you probably better than you even know yourself.’
I had no idea what to say to her after that. I hadn’t even thought about what had happened to me while I’d been unconscious. I remembered Laine mentioning it but it’d barely registered at the time. A lot of questions came to mind, questions I probably should have wondered about before, about how I’d gotten here and how exactly I was turned into what I was now, but they weren’t as important as the horrible guilt that I was suddenly feeling.
Tegan had cared for me for nearly a month, while I’d been unconscious and probably in some kind of coma. My own parents hadn’t even done that for me when I’d broken my leg in fourth grade and ended up in a wheelchair. They’d pretty much ignored me because I hadn’t been able to help out on the farm anymore, so I’d had to try and take care of myself which didn’t go very well at all.
It was a slightly different situation than being in a coma, but I couldn’t imagine my parents washing me or massaging my joints. They’d just hire the cheapest nurse they could find and get her to do it. I’d probably have woken up covered in sores and bruises, feeling terrible. But I’d woken up yesterday feeling fine. Probably better than I had in a long time, considering how badly I’d been taking care of myself these past couple of years.
Tegan really did care about me. She’d been so kind and caring to me, and I’d told her to fuck off and said that I hated her…
I was suddenly on the verge of tears but I forced myself to hold them in. I didn’t want to cry, not now, not about this, not in front of Tegan.
I jumped to my feet, almost fell over because of how shaky they were, but ignored Tegan as she tried to help me and stumbled over to the shower.
‘I n-need to shower now.’ I said and stared at the device that controlled the water flow. It was long and thin with a swans head at the end, similar to the bathtub’s tap, and functioned depending on how high it was raised and which side it was turned to. I reached out to grab it but winced as my injured hand tried to curl around it.
‘Here, let me.’ Tegan stepped next to me and turned it on, causing warm water to spray down onto us from the large showerhead above. I turned my back to her so she wouldn’t see my penis and sighed as the water hit me, tilting my head down so it’d hit my back. Tegan turned up the heat and a delighted sound escaped my lips.
‘It’s nice, isn’t it?’ she said and I saw her grab the face washer off of the shelf from out of the corner of my eye. I noticed that she was still wearing her collar and wondered if she’d forgotten to take it off. Surely it couldn’t be good for it to be subjected to water like this. ‘Now why don’t we get rid of that blood from your face?’
She walked around me and I began to turn around, but she grabbed my arm and spun me around, then put her hand behind my head. I watched her warily as she gently rubbed the washer against my face, slowly scrubbing away the blood that had been there for the last hour or so, but her eyes never left my face. I was beginning to wonder if I should even care if she saw my penis. She’d already seen it yesterday and had probably seen it today too when Laine was…disciplining me. And besides all of that, she’d spent like a month cleaning me every morning and had definitely seen it then, probably washed it too. What did it matter if she saw it now?
‘There we go!’ she beamed as she finished removing the blood. ‘Your face is back to its cute, blood-free self. Now let’s clean your hand too, shall we?’
I held it up and she put her hand around its wrist, then as softly as she could she began to clean it.
‘Oww!’ I shrieked as soon as she began scrubbing. She’d barely touched it and it felt like she was smashing it with a brick. God damn it. Why the hell had I thought punching a freaking wall had been a good idea?
‘Yeah, this is going to hurt a bit, but bear with me okay?’ she said and continued scrubbing as I held in another shriek and whimpered. The pain made my legs tremble and for a moment I nearly fell, but she held me steady with her free hand and smiled encouragingly.
After an excruciating minute she finished and put the washer back on the shelf, then told me to turn around so she could wash my hair. She ran her hands through it and then poured a sweet-smelling liquid onto it, gently massaging it through my locks. It felt amazing and I lost myself in the sensation for a moment, wishing that it could have gone on for hours. I could feel the top of her breasts squashing up against the back of my head too, as soft and squishy as a pillow. They made me realise again just how much taller than me she was, even in bare feet.
‘How old are you?’
‘Twenty-six.’ She said, running her hands over my hair and letting the water wash away the liquid. I closed my eyes so it wouldn’t get into them. ‘Why?’
‘Are you really tall for your age or am I just really small?’
‘You’re just really small.’
‘But Lain’s much taller than you.’
‘She is.’ Tegan said, turning me around to face her. ‘Master’s definitely taller than average, but I’m not. ’
‘Why am I so small then? How old do I look?’
‘A lot younger than I do, that’s for sure. Master made you to look as young as possible without slipping into paedophilic territory.’ Tegan grabbed a pink bottle from the shelf and squeezed a generous amount of its contents onto the body sponge. The scent of strawberry met my nose and my nose tingled happily. I liked that smell quite a bit. ‘Some of the reasons why you were to look like you are were to fill in the gaps in our services. You’ll be good for age play, daddy-daughter kind of stuff, and I imagine Lolita and Princess play as well. And we have a few customers who have expressed an interested in having a kitten to play with and you’ll fit that need nicely. And slave and sub play, of course. You are going to be ridiculously popular in that area, I don’t even have to guess at that.’
It felt like icy hands had grabbed my stomach and squeezed down on it at every word she’d said, despite the warmth of the shower, but one thing in particular lodged itself in my mind. ‘Daddy-daughter?’
‘Yeah, I know.’ Tegan said with a small grimace. ‘But, hey, let’s not kink shame. If it makes them happy and doesn’t hurt anyone then what’s the harm. I’d rather them be fucking you than an actual little girl.’
‘No, I meant, what is it?’
‘Oh.’ she said and began rubbing the body sponge against my stomach. It tickled a bit and I made a weird sound that I hope Tegan didn’t hear. ‘Well, it’s pretty much what it sounds like. The client will make you call them Daddy and you’ll act like their affectionate, overly sexual daughter. There’s more to it than that but I’ve never gotten into it and Master doesn’t advertise me for that type of play anymore.’
‘Is there a mummy-daug….ah!’ I started and then gasped as she moved the sponge up and onto my chest, massaging it across my boobs. I squeaked and grabbed her arm with my good hand but she didn’t stop. For a brief moment I thought about what I’d been going to ask, if there was a mother daughter kink, and imagined Tegan as my mum. It…was a confusing thought, complicated even more by her sending warm pulses of pleasure thorough my chest.
‘You’re very sensitive, aren’t you?’ she grinned and continued to rub my boobs, the body sponge scratching against them in a frustratingly pleasurable way. ‘That’s good. Really good.’
She continued to rub my chest for longer than she probably needed to and then moved onto my shoulders, my back and then my back. It all felt amazing, but I froze as she began running down my lower back and towards my butt.
‘It’s okay. I’ll be gentle.’ she said and was true to her world, although it still stung. What hurt the most was when she forced my cheeks open and cleaned in between them, and held me still so I couldn’t jerk away when she did so.
‘Why are you cleaning me there?!’ I gasped when she first slipped the sponge in.
‘Why do you think?’ she asked in amusement, apparently assuming that I already knew the reason why.
‘I don’t know!’
‘Really?’ she stopped for a second before continuing. ‘Well…you’ll find out pretty soon. Probably in the next couple of hours.’
‘What does that mean?’ I asked nervously.
‘You’ll see.’ She finished up and moved around in front of me, dragging the sponge around my hips and towards my penis.
‘Wait!’ I grabbed her hand and stepped away. ‘You don’t need to clean me there!’
‘Yes I do.’ She said stepped forward. I stepped back and hit the shower wall.
‘Please, I d-’ I began but she put a hand to my chest, pinning me to the wall and began rubbing my genitals. I flinched and tied to back up even more, squashing myself against the wall, but it didn’t help. She moved the sponge around my penis and my testicles, slowly massaging them both. It felt unbelievably uncomfortable and kind of hurt a little bit, not at all like when she’d rubbed my breasts, and I barely managed to get through it without throwing crying out.
‘There. All done.’ She beamed once she’d finished, standing up and squeezing out the sponge. ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’
‘Yes it was.’ I said shakily and pushed past her out of the shower, the comfort of the shower’s warmth fading away. I did feel better than I had before going in though. My energy was returning and I didn’t feel exhausted anymore, just tired. Like I’d only just woken up, which I kind of had. It felt like it’d been hours since I’d woken up but in reality it had probably been less than an hour ago.
Tegan followed me out of the shower and grabbed a towel, a fluffy white one, and rubbed her face dry so she could see clearer.
‘Okay, let’s get you nice and dry.’ she said and proceeded to do so, not even giving me a moment to recover from the shower. ‘We took longer than I thought we would and Master’s probably getting tired of waiting.’
‘Good.’ I said and then spluttered as she began drying my face.
‘Not for you it isn’t.’ Tegan smirked, rubbing down my shoulders and back. ‘Master’s wanted to play with you for a very long time now and keeping her waiting is only going to make her more…aggressive with her affection.’
I didn’t like the sound of that so forced myself to stay calm when Tegan dried my genitals and chest, and only let out a few pained whimpers when she reached my injured hand and butt. She was quite rough with my hair though, saying that there was no time to blow-dry it and rubbed it so violently with the towel that it was almost completely dry by the time she’d finished.
‘Good girl!’ she said proudly when she’d finished and another little bubble of happiness rose inside of me, but I fought off a smile. Being praised made me way happier than it should have. ‘Now…let me open this wall for you.’
She went over to where she’d discarded her clothes and took out her phone. I padded after her in the hopes of being able to see what she was doing but by the time I reached her the wall was already opening, and she looked at me with a knowing smile. Urgh.
‘Time for you to get going. I need to dry myself and get changed.’ She said, getting up and gently pushing me in the back. We were behind the shower, to the side of the opening, so Laine couldn’t see us from the bedroom.
‘Can’t I wait until you’re finished?’ I didn’t want to go out and see Laine by myself, especially while naked.
‘No. Master’s waiting.’ she said seriously voice and I turned around; if I refused to leave then she’d just drag me out.
I took a shaky breath, tried to ignore the heavy feeling inside of my stomach and walked to the exit.
Truth's Purity
Synopsis
A man wakes up in the body of a younger girl and finds out she's been kidnapped by a woman who wants simultaneously help her and profit from her at the same time.
Note
I'm going to post the last couple of chapters left up here before I forget. I'm not sure if I'll continue it after chapter eight though, it's leading to more of a sexual-focused aspect and I'm not really interested in that at the moment. This story wasn't really meant to be an erotica in the first place, kind of. It was going to be about someone learning to accept their sexuality and their desires and not be ashamed of them, in the backdrop of a brothel-style place. The sexual stuff came secondary to the emotions, but I'm not sure I can really balance it anymore and whatever mood I was in when I started this has faded somewhat. Writing sexual stuff doesn't come off right in my head at the moment.
If you want the last chapter let me know :) And maybe there'll be more, after chapter 8 there will be another chapter that'll be mostly devoid of sexual stuff. It'll have less sexual content than this one has, anyway. And maybe the spark will come back anyway, who knows.
I don't.
Chapter 7
Laine was sitting on the side of the bed facing the wall, and a wide grin lit her face when she looked up from her phone and saw me. I grimaced and gritted my teeth, but continued walking until I was out of the bathroom. It shut behind me with a soft “thunk” and Laine slipped her phone into her pocket.
‘Come here.’ She said softly and gestured in front of her. ‘Let me get a good look at you.’
I went to where she’d gestured and shivered. Our heads were on the same level and her eyes were staring hungrily at my body, drinking in every last detail. I turned red and took half a step back, but resisted the impulse to cover my genitals. It was unlikely Laine would let me do so and I was terrified of her hitting me again. I was shaking and tried to hide it by crossing my arms, but that felt weird so I put them on my hips but that didn’t feel any better so I held them together at my waist but that felt weird too so I pu-
‘Relax.’ Laine said softly and leant forward, resting her arms on her legs. Her hair fell over her face and drenched it in shadows. ‘You’re moving around too much. Just keep your hands at your side.’
‘O-okay.’ I said and did so, feeling stupid. My legs began shaking even more and I almost fell over.
‘You’re terrified, aren’t you?’ she asked with a smile, her brown eyes staring intently. ‘Do I scare you that much?’
‘No.’ I lied and stomped my leg on the ground to make the stupid thing stop shaking.
‘Then come closer.’
I took a tiny step forward and she smiled crookedly.
‘Closer than that.’
I took another tiny step forward. And then another, just in case.
She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. ‘Too slow.’
‘I’m j-’ I began but, quick as a snake, she grabbed my uninjured arm and jerked me forward so that I fell onto her lap with my legs on either side of her, my knees resting on the bed. It happened too fast for me to do anything other than gasp and I reflectively grabbed onto her shoulder with my hands, staring at her in horror. Her face was inches away from mine and her hands had moved to the sides of my chest to hold me steady, making it impossible to get off. My heart was thumping painfully in my chest and I could feel myself shaking even worse than before. Was she going to hurt me for not moving towards her fast enough?
‘That’s better.’ she purred and I felt her warm breath on my face. She slowly ran her hands down the sides of my chest and onto my hips, and then squeezed them. Her hands were probably as soft as my skin was and her long fingers had a stupid amount of strength in them. They felt good and I let out an involuntary squeak that made her grin. ‘You liked that, didn’t you?’
‘No.’ I gasped. ‘Please don’t touch me the-ah! S-stop!’
I gasped as she slowly ran her hands up and down my sides, smiling at me as she did so. ‘I can’t believe how smooth your skin is. It feels fucking amazing, Anna. Have you felt it?’
‘W-I?’ I blurted, the question taking me completely by surprise.
‘You haven’t felt your skin?’
‘Why would I have?’ I asked shakily and she continued to caress my sides.
‘Oh my god. You really are innocent, aren’t you?’ she laughed in delight. ‘Ohh! Fuck you’re perfect! I’m so happy I found you.’ She pulled me against her and squashed me into a hug, her larger boobs squashing up against mine and making it difficult to breath. I tried to push myself out of it with my good hand but it was as futile as every other escape attempt I’d made recently.
After about ten seconds she released me and I leant back and gulped in some air, my head feeling slightly dizzy. ‘Uhm…’
Before I could recover she twisted around, shoved me onto the bed and climbed on top of me. I screamed and tried to sit up but she slammed me back down with her hands and rested her forehead against mine.
‘What are you doing?’ I said breathlessly, still trying to catch my breath.
Her eyes shone through the black waterfall of hair that was raining down on me and a cruel smile broke her face. ‘What do you think?’
‘I don-ah! Ahh!’ She put her hands on my boobs and gave them both a squeeze, then began pushing down on them. Pleasure spasmed through my body along with burning warmth and I couldn’t speak, for a moment, losing myself in the feeling. She continued to explore my breasts, rubbing her hands heavily across them and squeezing tightly every now and them.
‘S-stop, stop…’ I finally managed to gasp out, breathing heavily. My face was flushed with arousal and I was aware that I’d stopped shaking and was instead twitching slightly, as if warm sparks were showering all over my body. There was a not unpleasant cold feeling running through my stomach and my penis was flooding with warmth.
‘Does it feel good?’ she asked and I gritted my teeth.
I’d never felt as good as I felt right now, but fuck me if I was going to admit it. ‘No!’
‘Hah.’ She breathed and squeezed tightly, forcing a pleasured gasp out of me. ‘You might be able to lie but your body can’t. It’s never felt this good before, I can tell. And I can make it feel so much better, especially with how sensitive it is. Do you want me to?’
I stared up at her, still breathing heavily. Did…did I want her to? I’d never…ever felt this amazing before and I was finding it hard to concentrate on anything other than the pleasure consuming my body. This was fine, wasn’t it? She wasn’t hurting me, and she wasn’t touching my penis or anything, she was just…squeezing my boobs…
That I shouldn’t have.
Because I was a boy, not a girl. This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t have boobs! This was wrong!
‘No!’ I gasped and struggled my way through the ocean of please. ‘No! I’m a boy! I’m not….this isn’t good, this isn’t…I shouldn’t have boobs, this isn’t supposed to….not uhm…it’s not right, I’m a boy! I’m not a girl!’
‘Owh, munckin. You’re so wrong.’ Lain sighed and gently caressed my breasts, her fingers running over my nipples. A new wave of pleasure rippled through me and weird, whimpering squeak escaped my lips. ‘How can you say you’re not a girl when you make sounds like that?’
‘I’m not a girl!’ I made the weird whimpering sound again as she pinched my nipples, only louder. Oh my god…that felt way too good. What the hell…
‘Ohh, I hope you keep…’ She began but trailed off with a frown and I heard the sound of the bathroom wall opening. To my immense relief she slipped off of me and turned around to look at Tegan, who was exiting the bathroom. I crawled to the other side of the bed, uncomfortably aware of how erect my penis had become. I glanced down at it and saw that it wasn’t fully erect, but it was still large enough to make me feel sick and all of the pleasure drained out of my body, replaced by a deep shame. I’d nearly lost myself in the pleasure of Laine touching my chest. Laine, the woman who’d kidnapped me and fucking spanked me. There was no way I should have felt that good because of her.
I felt nauseous and leant forward, squashing my penis between my thighs and hiding it from view. God that thing made me sick.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.’ Tegan said from behind me and I heard the wall click shut.
‘Hah…it’s probably good that you did.’ Laine said and I squawked in surprise as she put an arm around my stomach and pulled me back onto her lap. ‘I was getting a bit carried away, wasn’t I little lamb?’
‘Yes!’ I huffed and squirmed about on her lap.
‘Did you find her a dress to wear?’
‘Oh! Yes, I did!’ Laine placed me to her side, got up and went over to the foot of the bed, where she’d placed a dress and some underwear. I crawled over warily and she held the dress up with a bright smiled. It was rosy pink with a small white V-neck collar that had a red heart in the middle, and its short sleeves ended in white folded cuffs. The flowing skirt had a white bottom as well, folded up like the cuffs, and there were two long diagonal slits in the side that were completely white and led into the bottom white line. ‘What do you think?’
I reached out and felt the fabric, finding it to be soft and light, but relatively thick. It felt silky too but not like the nightdresses had. It was…nicer somehow. Probably because it was thicker I guess, I don’t know, but I really liked how it felt. Not enough to want to actually wear it though.
‘I want to tend to her hand before she gets dressed.’ Tegan said and came over with the white box that I’d glimpsed before, and I saw now that it was a first aid kit.
‘You brought that up with you.’ I said slowly and an unpleasant thought popped into my head. ‘Did you already know I’d hurt my hand?’
‘Yep.’ Tegan said as she opened the kit and took out a roll of bandage along with a silvery-grey tube.
‘How d-’
‘Cameras.’ She picked up my right arm and unscrewed the top of the tube while Laine watched in silence. ‘There are cameras covering every part of the room, even in the wardrobe and bathroom.’
My heart sunk and I stared around the room trying to see one, but nothing obvious caught my eye. Of course there’d be cameras watching me, I should have realised that yesterday. I’d been kidnapped, my right to privacy was pretty much dead at this point.
‘Is someone watching me all the time?’
‘No. Everything is recorded and archived, and we have a girl who works in the camera room and monitors everything, but she’s got other things to watch besides you.’ Tegan squeezed out a greyish liquid onto my knuckles and gently rubbed in it. It burnt but not badly enough to make me cry out, and after a couple of seconds Tegan had completely rubbed it into my skin and I couldn’t feel it anymore. ‘We’re not watching you twenty-four seven, don’t worry.’
‘We do check on you before we enter though.’ Laine grinned. ‘So don’t try anything sneaky, okay? You’ll just embarrass yourself.’
I flushed and turned away from her, feeling stupid. My attempt at escaping before hadn’t even had the smallest chance of success.
Tegan began wrapping the bandage around my hand, starting from my knuckles and going down to my elbow. She smiled at me as she did so and I smiled back. My hand was feeling better already; the liquid had made the cuts on my hand numb and the tightness of the bandage was putting feeling back into my arm again.
‘There we go! All done!’ she said as she secured the bandage with two metal clips connected by an elastic band. ‘How does it feel?’
‘Much better! Thank you.’ I said and she beamed at me. ‘I w-oh.’ Laine had appeared in front of me with a similar mug to the day before, only smaller, and pushed it into my good hand. ‘Oh…is this the same thing from last night?’
‘Yep. It’s your special drink to make you strong and healthy.’ Laine beamed and then her eyes darkened. ‘Now hurry up and drink it so we can get you dressed and out of here. ’
I licked my licks distastefully and raised the mug to my lips, then, deciding to not prolong the moment, gulped it all down in one go. I managed not to cough any of it up this time as well, mainly because the amount was smaller this time and I already knew what it tasted like, and also because it was lukewarm instead of hot. Once it was down I made a disgusted sound and shoved the mug back into Laine’s hand, who smiled and put it on the desk with all the pens.
‘Good girl!’ Tegan said and patted me on the head. ‘Now let’s lets you dressed and make you pretty.’
I felt Laine’s eyes staring at me as I followed Tegan to end of the bed and shivered, but made sure not to look at her.
‘Right. Have you ever worn a bra before?’ Tegan asked as she picked up the one Laine had chosen, a white slightly padded one with a silk bow in the middle.
‘Of course not!’ I snapped uncomfortably. I really didn’t want to put that thing on.
‘Really? You’ve never tried on any of your sister’s clothes before? Or your mothers?’ Tegan asked in surprise.
I crinkled my nose in disgust. ‘No. I’ve never be able to fit into mums clothes, even if I wanted to, which I never did! She’s morbidly obese, so much so that I’m surprised I…’
I trailed off and clenched my hands into fists. I didn’t want to think about her. And Tegan apparently had a gigantic file on me that she’d memorized anyway, she didn’t need me to talk about mum.
‘What about your sisters clothes then?’ Laine said from behind me, not unkindly.
I twitched guiltily. ‘W-well, yes but, not her underwear.’
‘Not even once? Just to see what it felt like?’ Laine asked.
‘No! I…’ I began, and then grimaced. ‘Well, yes! But only once, and I was ten at the time. It was after I broke my leg, I pretended that it was still broken for a week after it’d healed so I had the house to myself during the day, and I…explored the house.’
‘You “explored” the house, huh?’ Laine’s eyes glittered with amusement. ‘Which included your sisters room?’
‘Well she never let me in there so I was really curious about it!’ I snapped. ‘That’s normal, isn’t it? I just wanted to see what it looked like from the inside, and I ended up getting a bit carried away.’
‘I’d hardly call dressing up in her underwear getti-’
‘I thought you wanted me to get dressed as quickly as possible.’ I interrupted shakily, really not wanting to talk about this anymore. I’d blocked out the memories of that day for most of my life and I didn’t want to relive it, ever. I wasn’t even sure why I’d even started talking about it.
Laine stared at me and seemed to fight with herself for a moment before grimacing. ‘Yes. We can talk about this later. I want to get today started as soon as possible.’
‘Alright.’ Tegan said and tapped me so I turned around to face her. ‘Hold your arms up.’ I did so and she slipped the bra over my hands and onto my chest, and then clipped it closed at the back. I tried not to show how embarrassed I was but that failed as soon as Tegan put her hands in the cups and lifted my boobs up.
‘What!’ I spluttered and backed up into her.
‘I’m making it fit properly so it’s comfortable.’ Tegan said and adjusted the bra for a moment, then slipped her hands out. ‘How does that feel?’
My face burned as I looked down at my chest, seeing the bra fitted comfortably against my boobs. I tentatively touched them and then jerked my hand away. It felt weird and embarrassing, worse than being just naked. I wanted to rip it off and refuse to put it back on, but the thought of what Laine would do to me if I did that sent a fearful chill down my spine, so I instead just looked up at Tegan. ‘It feels fine. It’s…comfortable.’
‘It’s not too tight?’ Tegan asked and I shook my head. ‘Good! Now for your panties.’
I stiffened but didn’t resist as she gently lifted my right leg up and put it through a pair of white panties, then did the same with my left leg and slipped them up. Once again though, she did something unexpected by tucking my genitals underneath me and securing them there with the panties, which she pulled up so tight it was almost painful.
‘Agh!’ I squeaked and glared at her. ‘Why’d you do that?’
‘You don’t want a lump showing through the dress, do you?’ she asked and I blinked.
‘Oh! Eew! No!’ I said in disgust as I imagined myself in the dress with a lump between my legs. The image made me wince and I tried to push it out of my head. Fuck. Fuck. I didn’t even want to wear the stupid dress, let alone have my penis showing underneath it.
I trembled and began to slip the panties off, my disgust at the whole situation increasing. I couldn’t do this. This was insane, I shouldn’t even have let Tegan put the bra on me, what had I been thinking?
Lain grabbed my arm as I began to undress, and I flinched and spun around to face her.
‘If you take those off then I’ll be forced to discipline you again.’ She said darkly. ‘And you don’t want that now, do you?’
I stared up at her with wide eyes, shaking even more. ‘I don’t, but…I don’t want to wear a dress! Please, can’t you understand how I feel? This is humiliating. I’m a boy! I can’t wear a dress! I should have breasts, or hips like this or…or this whole body! I don’t even want a penis! It’s dis-’
I cut myself off, my eyes widening even more. I didn’t want a penis. It was the only thing connecting me to my old body and I hated it, despised it, found it the most disgusting thing about this whole situation.
And I hated it just as strongly now as I had when I’d been a man, refusing to touch it and only look at it when I had to.
Would I be happier if I had a vagina?
I…I…I…what…
My arms dropped to my side and I just stared ahead, my brain jarring. Laine smiled sadly and let go of my arm.
‘I do understand how you feel, Anna.’ Laine said in lighter tone. ‘And one day you will too. Now, are you going to let Tegan finish dressing you?’ I nodded mutely and she patted me on the head with a smile. ‘Good little lamb.’
She stepped away and Tegan took her place, holding up the dress and unzipping it at the back. She turned it around and lowered it for me to step into, which I did so, then slipped my arms into the sleeves as she pulled it up. It fit almost perfectly and when she zipped it up a comfortable wave of warmth spread through me. I’d never worn something that fit me so perfectly and didn’t feel uncomfortable at the same time.
It felt good. The inside layer of the dress was a soft silk similar to the nightdress from before, but once again slightly thicker, although not as thick as the outside layer. The dress was heavier than I would have expected because of the outside layer’s thickness but that just made it feel more comfortable, like I was being gently hugged. The skirt ended just above my knees and when I moved it brushed against my legs, creating a feeling that I really enjoyed for some reason. It kind of felt like hands caressing my legs…
‘You look amazing.’ Laine breathed when Tegan turned me around to face her. ‘I knew that dress would look good on you. How does it feel?’
‘It feels alright.’ I said and ran my hands up and down my sides, enjoying how that felt. The fabric felt amazing pushed up against my skin and against my hands. My boobs felt nice too, hugged by the thick silk and slightly pushed together. It felt kind of like Laine was touching them again…
I felt my cheeks turning red and forced myself to stop feeling the dress. It wasn’t supposed to feel this good, it was a dress. I felt more comfortable in it than I did in just the bra and panties though, and a large part of me just wanted to accept the feeling and move on.
My head was still struggling with the realisation that maybe I might not want a penis, as well as all of the fear and shame from the last couple of hours, and it didn’t seem all that bad an idea to just lose myself in the pleasure I was feeling at the moment and deal with the complicated emotional stuff later. It just felt good; it wasn’t like I was getting turned on or anything like I had when Laine had played with my boobs. It was just comfortable, and after what I’d been through I deserved to feel a little comfort, didn’t I? So what if it was because of a dress, it wasn’t like…
It wasn’t like I’d never worn a dress before.
What was the harm?
Truth's Purity
Synopsis: Anna is collared and remembers some confusing moments from her past.
Chapter 8: Collared
The choice to lose myself in the pleasure was made easier by Laine suddenly grabbing my sides and squeezing them like she had before. I gasped and grabbed her arms, then let out a pleased sigh as she began running her hands over the dress, pushing down onto my skin underneath. I tried to clear my head but she pushed down harder with her hands, then ran them down my back and rested them just above the curve of my spine.
‘You feel amazing.’ she said and pulled me into her. I put up my arms so I wouldn’t squash against her stomach and ended up grabbing onto it instead, blushing and staring up at her. She smiled and then gently moved her hands down onto my butt, giving it a little squeeze that somehow felt good despite the pain from before still being present. I whimpered as she squeezed harder, a part of me enjoying her touching me while I was up against her like this, feeling the warmth of her stomach against my face and arms. I didn’t have time to analyse that thought though as she kept sending waves of pleasure through my body with her hands, breaking my concentration.
Tegan knelt down and put a pair of knee-high white socks on my feet, all while I was still holding onto Laine as she explored my body in the dress. I felt bad ignoring her but it was hard to focus on anything other than the warmth Laine was creating inside of me.
‘Do you want to collar her now?’ Tegan asked once she’d put the socks on and Laine nodded.
‘Collar me?’ I asked as Laine let me go, somewhat reluctantly. I was feeling very hot and brushed my hands through my hair. I wanted her to touch me again.
‘Every pet needs a collar.’ Laine said, kissing me gently on the forehead and taking the briefcase from Laine. I looked at the collar around Tegan’s neck and my stomach sank.
Oh.
‘I don’t…’ I began but stopped, realising that there was no point in saying that I didn’t want to wear one.
‘You’re learning fast.’ Laine grinned when I stopped myself from talking. She put the briefcase onto the makeup desk and opened it with a metallic clink. I walked over and she stood to the side to let me see in. There were an array of fine steel chains hanging from hooks embedded in the back of the top section, but my attention was drawn to the lower section where five collars lay, fitted into a soft black velvety backing.
Laine picked up the largest one and showed it to me. It was similar to the one Tegan wore, black with a silver plate in the middle, but it said “Anna: Girl in training. Property of Laine.” in a neat, black curved font. The metal ends of the collar were designed to fit into each other kind of like a seat belt, but much smoother. When they were connected they’d just look like a small metal bar and a horrible feeling ran through me. There didn’t look like there was a way to unclip them once they were connected.
There was also a silver hoop directly underneath the name plate, connected to the collar by another small hoop that was set into a silver circle.
‘Cute, right?’ Laine said with a smile that reached her eyes. ‘Tegan, could you hold her hair up so I can put it on?’
‘U-uhm!’ I stammered as Tegan did so, leaving my neck exposed. Fear was suddenly clawing at my stomach. Something about the collar terrified me. Laine didn’t own me, I wasn’t her pet or her toy or doll or whatever! But having her put a collar around me that claimed that she owned me made all of that seem much harder to deny.
And my name…it wasn’t Anna. I didn’t want to have that around my neck, telling everyone who saw me that that was my name. A girls name. A girl in training…
I tried to back away from Laine but Tegan held me steady. ‘Can you ju-’
‘Now, I was going to put this on you yesterday but I didn’t have the time.’ Laine spoke over me. ‘I assume that the importance of being collared by me is fairly obvious though, so I won’t insult you by going into too much detail. But just know that this is a symbol of my ownership of you, a reminder to you and everyone who sees you that your body belongs to me. You are mine, my pet, my-’
‘I’m not your pet! You don’t own me!’
Her lips twitched. ‘You are mine, Anna. And nothing you say will change that. Now, hold still.’
I did not hold still and instead renewed my struggle to break free of Tegan’s hold. ‘I’m not yours! You can say whatever you want but you don’t own me! And my names not Anna! It’s Dav-’
I screamed as Tegan clutched my hair and jerked my head back. ‘What did I say about saying that name?’
‘Shut up! My name’s Da-’
‘Anna.’ Laine said savagely and grabbed my neck. ‘Your name is Anna. See? It says so on this collar. Anna: Girl in training.’ I squeaked and stared at her with wide eyes, but couldn’t form words with her hand on my neck. ‘Now, keep her steady. I’m putting it on now.’
She let go of my neck and I immediately tried to tell her to stop, but she slammed the front of the collar against my throat and my words ended in a pained whimper. She wrapped the collar around my neck and it closed with a loud click, one that echoed through my body.
Laine stepped away as Tegan let go of my hair, and I dropped to the ground. I immediately clutched at the collar and began pulling at it, desperately trying to get it off. It fit perfectly around my neck, with just over a fingers width space between it and my skin, and its insides were a soft, smooth kind of velvet.
Oh god.
‘It’s not going to come off.’ Laine said, kneeling down and smiling down at me. I was distinctly aware of how much taller she was than me, even when kneeling. ‘The metal clips can’t be undone and the leather’s strong enough that it’ll take more than just a simple pair of scissors to even put a dent into it.’
‘This’ll be on me forever?’ I asked in horror and began renewing my efforts to tear it off. It didn’t help that only one of my hands was working right. Every time I spoke the collar rubbed gently against my throat, making me constantly aware of it.
‘Of course not.’ Laine smiled and grabbed my wrists. ‘When our training’s done and you’re truly mine, not just in body but in heart and soul as well, you’ll get a collar like Tegan’s.’
I glanced up at Tegan, who had picked up a silver hairbrush from the desk and was kneeling down next to us. She touched her collar and looked at me without saying anything, her eyes serious.
‘What do you mean, heart and soul as well?’ I asked, slightly disquieted by Tegan’s eyes.
‘When you accept me as your master, your soul will belong to me. And when you love me as much as I love you then your heart will belong to me.’ Laine said and I blinked. Was she serious. Was she serious?
‘Love?’ I asked and a laugh burst out of me, cold and bitter. ‘Love? I’d never love you. I never even loved my parents, who-’
I froze, remembering what I’d just realised in the shower with Tegan, about her being nicer to me than my parents had ever been. Obviously I’d never loved them, saying that I never had meant nothing in this kind of conversation.
Something cold and sad pooled inside my stomach, but I grimaced and ignored it. God. I did not need to deal with my depression at the moment.
‘Are you okay?’ Laine asked with a smile that suggested she knew what I’d been thinking.
‘I-I’m fine.’ I said and then winced in pain as Tegan began brushing my hair, dragging out some of the knots that having a shower had created.
‘You’re so cute when you lie.’ Laine leant closer. ‘Your cheeks turn red and you bite your lips, like you’re embarrassed by it. You’re such a sensitive little thing, aren’t you?’
I stared at her guiltily. Did I really act like that when I lied?
She went back to the briefcase and came back with the two other collars, which were just smaller versions of the one around my neck minus the nameplate. I’d completely forgotten about them.
They had hoops on them too, ones with small silver chains hanging off of them. One ended in a small hoop and the other in a clip.
‘Hold out your hands.’ Laine commanded me and I swallowed nervously.
‘You need to collar my hands too?’
‘These aren’t collars. They’re cuffs.’ she explained. ‘They are another symbol of ownership, like your collar, but they’re primarily going to be used to keep you from moving around when I need you to stay still.’
‘Like handcuffs?’ I asked nervously.
‘Yes!’ she beamed and my stomach clenched. ‘Like handcuffs.’
‘Are these going to be on me forever too?’ I grabbed the collar around my neck and gave it a frustrated tug.
‘I told you, you’re not going to be wearing that forever. When you’re ready you’ll get a collar like Tegan, and you won’t need these cuffs anymore so they’ll be removed. Now hold out your hands.’
‘I…’
‘Don’t make me ask you again.’ She said softly and a chill ran down my back. I slowly held put my hands and she clipped the cuffs onto them. ‘There we go. Good girl.’
I pulled at the cuffs, which had the same insides as the collar, and were also perfectly sized. They jingled due to the chains and the image of a cat with a bell attacked to its collar came to mind, making me grit my teeth. She really was turning me into her pet, wasn’t she?
‘Do you want me to style her hair in any way?’ Tegan asked as she continued to brush my hair. It felt quite nice when she didn’t come across any knots, kind of similar to when she was massaging my head in the shower. Nobody had ever brushed my hair before.
‘Not today. No make-up either. It’ll just get ruined once we start.’ Laine said regretfully and looked at me for a moment. ‘Actually, maybe put a headband on to keep her hair out of her face. One of the red ones, that should look nice.’
‘Good idea.’ Tegan said, getting up and going over to the desk. Laine went over as well and grabbed the last two collars from the briefcase.
‘Can you guess where these go?’ she asked with a smirk as she came back.
‘Yes.’ I grimaced and stood up. ‘My legs.’
‘Well done!’ she clapped her hands together and knelt down to clip them onto my feet. I didn’t bother resisting. ‘There we go! You’re all set!’
I looked down at my legs and saw the cuffs fitted on top of the white socks I was wearing. Thankfully they didn’t have any chains attached to them, but they did have hoops for them to be attached in the future. They were looser than the ones on my wrist but when I tried to slip my feet out of them I found that they weren’t that loose.
Tegan walked over with a blood red headband and smiled at me. ‘Push your hair behind your ears for me sweetie, and I’ll put this on for you.’ I did so, the chains on my wrist cuffs jingling again, and Tegan carefully slipped the headband on. It didn’t feel as uncomfortable as I thought it would but I did move it around a bit until I couldn’t feel the ends of it digging into my face anymore. Tegan adjusted it a bit as well and then grinned. ‘Aww. You look so cute.’
‘Thanks.’ I said uncomfortably and once again tugged at the collar.
‘Come here baby.’ Laine said and ran her hands down my hair, then grabbed my arm and led me to the make-up desk. ‘I want you to look at yourself.’
A jolt ran through my stomach and I stared down at the desk. I didn’t want to see myself again, didn’t want to feel what I’d felt the other day. ‘I-I know what I look like.’
‘No you don’t. You’ve been avoiding your reflection all morning.’ Laine said impatiently. ‘I thought you’d at least have looked at yourself when you put on the dress but you didn’t.’
‘I don’t want to see myself in a dress!’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I’m a boy!’ I said angrily. ‘It’s embarrassing! I don’t want to see wh-urk!’
Laine grabbed me under the chin and forced me to look up at the mirror. ‘She is not a boy. And she is you, Anna. Look!’ For a moment all I could see was my face, a scared and wide-eyed girl’s face, and then I closed my eyes and backed away. Laine let go of my chin and went behind me, holding me in place with her hands on my shoulders. ‘Look!’
I held out for a couple seconds longer but…
Something inside me broke and I opened my eyes to look at the girl Laine had turned me into.
My black hair was kept out of my face by the red headband but it sprawled past it at the sides and hid all but the top of it, framing my face and making my pale complexion stand out even more. My wide eyes looked at me fearfully, the emotion enhanced by my lush eyebrows and the largeness of my pupils.
I looked so young…so scared and fragile and…beautiful…
My curved pink lips began trembling.
The collar caught my eye, its thick black leather standing out dramatically from my skin. I raised my hands to grab it and froze. They looked so small and delicate now, trapped in the wrist cuffs. No, they didn’t look small and delicate, they were small and delicate. I’d practically shredded the right one weakly punching a wall.
Then, for the first time, I looked at my body’s reflection. I could only see my upper body but that was enough for the moment. Seeing my slight shoulders, petite chest and small waist, along with my boobs pushing out against the pink dress…
That was…too much…
Oh my god…
I was so small. No wonder I couldn’t fight off Laine and Tegan. I’d probably have trouble fighting off a drunken kitten.
My body was…
I really was a girl…
I just wanted to be happy
Like the girls at school
YOU’RE NOT A GIRL YOU STUPID CUNT!
I gasped and started to fall backwards, a mess of emotions surging up inside of me. If Laine hadn’t of been holding me then I’d have hit the floor.
‘It’s okay.’ she said softly and put me down on the chair, which was thankfully facing away from the mirror. I clutched at my face and leant down, the fragmented memory already melting away now that I wasn’t looking at myself. What the fuck was that…
‘What did you do to me…’ I breathed.
‘I fixed you. I made you perfect.’
‘T-this isn’t perfect. It’s…I look so young…’
‘You look like an eighteen year old who started puberty late.’ Laine said softly and squeezed my shoulders. ‘And you could probably pass for much younger than that if you wanted.’
‘I don’t want to pass for anything. I’m a twenty one year old man.’ I said, although I didn’t have the energy to put any force behind my words.
‘You were. Now you’re not.’
I looked at her and a tear slid down my face. ‘Why did you do this to me? Why me? What did I do to deserve this?’
‘You make it sound like I’m punishing you.’ She said and anger flashed through me.
‘You are!’ I shrieked and grabbed her shirt, ignoring the pain that tore through my right hand. ‘I don’t want to be like this! It’s a nightmare! I can’t live like this! I hate it! I look weak and pathetic and embarrassing and disgusting and p-perverted!’
‘None of that’s true.’ Laine said and grabbed my hands. ‘And you shouldn’t talk like that; you sound like your father. Those are all words he’s used to describe you in the past.’
Her words hit me like a fist to the stomach and I gaped at her. What the…
She was right. I hadn’t even realised it but…it was true. Dad called me weak and pathetic all the time, and when he was angry with me he’d say I was an embarrassment to the family, that he was disgusted with me.
And he’d called me a pervert when he’d…
When…
I…no…
Huh?
I shook my head, so violently that I nearly blacked out again. I clenched Laine’s shirt harder and took in a shaky breath. I felt sick all of a sudden.
I hadn’t thought about dad in years. How had Laine even known that was what he always said to me? How was something like that in her file? Had she asked him?
I…didn’t want to think about that.
I lifted up my head and stared up at Laine while taking in a deep, shaky breath. She was looking down at me pityingly and something almost broke inside me. Why the fuck…urgh…I was so tired.
‘I don’t want to be a girl.’ I said weakly and she smiled sadly, wiping a tear from my face.
She turned to Tegan, who’d been watching us silently. ‘Could you get some shoes for her? Ones like yours, but with more of a heel.’
Tegan nodded and disappeared into the wardrobe for a moment before coming back with the shoes Laine had asked for. They were indeed like the ones she wore, black Mary Janes, but the heels on them were longer. She lifted up my feet to put them on and looked at me for a moment, seeming to expect me to resist, but I just didn’t have the willpower to. Wearing girl’s shoes with slight heels wasn’t nearly as bad as having this horrible collar around my neck.
Seeing that I wasn’t going to do anything, Tegan slipped them onto my feet and buckled them up for me. As soon as they were on I felt the difference immediately, despite the heels only being about the length of my hand, maybe a little shorter. I’d spent the last three years wearing the same brand of sneakers, a flat-heeled one that I only bothered to replace when I’d worn holes through them, and it was pretty much the same with my old school shoes. Flat, cheap and only replaceable when full of holes.
‘Okay, up you get.’ Laine said once Tegan was done, pulling me to my feet. I stumbled awkwardly as I stood up, my feet not used to the new angle they were forced to be at, and if it wasn’t for Laine’s hands on mine I’d have probably fallen over. She handed me off to Tegan and went over to the briefcase again, and I couldn’t see what she was doing but I could hear the clinking of chains.
‘Careful.’ Tegan smiled and held me steady as I almost fell over trying to get a better view of what Laine was doing. ‘You need to be move a bit slower until you get used to walking in heels.’
‘I do-’
‘You don’t want to get used to walking in heels.’ she finished my sentence with a smile and I glared at her, making her smile turn into a wide grin. ‘What? That’s what you were going to say, right?’
I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of being right so I ignored her and watched as Laine closed the briefcase and came over, a long length of silvery chain in her hands.
‘Right. Time for us to get going.’ She said and clipped one end of the chain to the hoop on my collar, then locked it shut with a small black padlock. I gasped and pulled away but was jerked back by her grip on the chain. My stomach grew cold and I tried to pull away again but couldn’t.
‘Get this off of me! I’m not a dog!’ I snapped and grabbed the chain.
‘No, but you are my pet.’ Laine said as she let her length of the chain drop and held onto a black leather band that was connected to her end. ‘You can think of yourself as a kitten if that makes you feel better.’
‘It doesn’t.’ I said, although for a moment a very cute image of a tiny black and white kitten being walked on a leash did flash through my mind.
‘Until I can trust you to move around by yourself then you’re going to be leased every time you leave this room, so I suggest you get used to it fast.’ Laine tugged on her end and I totted towards her, my face burning with frustration and shame. The chain wasn’t that long, probably as long as I was tall, and as such there was barely any leverage for me to move around. ‘Now come on, we’ve got a big day ahead of us.’
She took out her phone and used it to make the wall open, then walked out of the room. I squeaked as the collar tugged at me and hurried after her, somehow managing to not fall over.
‘See you tonight.’ Tegan said from behind me and I turned around to see her watching us leave.
Then the wall slid shut again and I was alone with Laine.
Fourteen-year-old Eric’s best friend Hazel convinces him to dress up/cosplay as a female anime character with her so they can enter a costume competition. Eric is already struggling with feelings of wanting to be a girl and this makes things a thousand times worse, and puts him on a path that could potentially tear his family apart.
Making things worse is his new friend Jennifer, who isn't all that she first appears, and has plans for Eric that he might not like.
All Rights Reserved.
Synopsis: Fourteen-year-old Eric’s best friend Hazel convinces him to dress up/cosplay as a female anime character with her so they can enter a costume competition. Eric is already struggling with feelings of wanting to be a girl and this makes things a thousand times worse, and puts him on a path that could potentially tear his family apart.
Making things worse is his new friend Jennifer, who isn't all that she first appears, and has plans for Eric that he might not like.
Comments and feedback are very much welcome!
Note: The anime God Monster Kata is made up for the purposes of this story. I’ve tried to keep this light on references to real anime series so as not to confuse readers who don’t watch it, so don't feel like that's a barrier.
Note 2: I'm very sick! So unfortunately I won't be able to update A World Without Me until the end of the week, or Monday. And I've been slow with messages and comments too >.< I'm sorry. I've tried writing but everything comes out mechanical and empty, and I can't focus for long so I keep reading and re-reading my notes and getting nowhere.
This is a story I've had for a while that I was waiting on uploading until the first block of World without me was done, but I feel like I need to post something now otherwise it'll be like I disappeared into a hole and got eaten by a snake or something. I live in Australia so that's actually a very scary possibility...
I’d never ventured into the cooking section of the public library before so today was a first. I usually hung around the comic and graphic novel sections, occasionally wandering over to the Young Adult area if I was in the mood, but never to the non-fiction section. It was a massive part of the library, probably as large as my school’s entire library just by itself, and I found it very confusing to navigate. The large brown bookcases were twice my height and set up in a strange oval formation that was intimidating just to look at. It didn’t help that the majority of other people here were older students or adults, making me feel like I was in a place I shouldn’t be. I’d only just started year nine and was definitely not the kind of student who spent a lot of their time studying.
I was determined not to get deterred though. I’d gotten the idea last night to make mum something special after she’d come home from work exhausted and complained about not having enough time to make us a proper meal anymore. She’d been working so hard ever since dad had passed away and I wanted to show how much I appreciated her, and what better way to do so than making her a delicious meal? I was sure that coming home to a warm, yummy meal would put a smile on her face and make her feel better. It’d make me feel better!
‘So, you want to find a chicken cookbook?’ my best friend Hazel asked, frowning at the thick rows of books in front of us. She was head and shoulders taller than me and had a strong, well-muscled body with a bold, handsome face. Her face was slightly masculine with thin lips and small cheekbones, but her thick shoulder-length black hair and soft eyes gave her a feminine beauty that overshadowed her more boyish features.
‘Yep! I’m pretty sure that’s mum’s favourite food, and even if it’s not everyone loves chicken!’ I beamed and pulled out a book at random. It was called “One hundred sensual-based carrot recipes!” and had a picture of a rather aroused-looking woman on the front. I blinked and carefully put the book back onto the shelf, not quite sure that was what I was looking for.
‘You could just buy a roast chicken or something from the supermarket.’ Hazel said as she ran a fingers across the backs of some books.
‘No. I want to make mum something really special, not get her something she could get herself.’ I said and pushed my hands through my blonde hair. It came to just past my ears and wasn’t as long as I’d have liked, but it didn’t look too bad. I’d carefully cut the front into a messy fringe so that I looked like I had a slight bob hairstyle. It was definitely a girls cut and I got teased a lot at school because of it but…I don’t know. I’d always loved long hair and fringes, even though I was a boy. I was lucky enough to have a heart-shaped, feminine face with large blue eyes, plump lips and a delicate nose. Puberty had yet to ravage my body and make me look like the other boys in my class, and I honestly hoped it never did.
I liked looking like a girl. I…wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to be one or not, and I was scared about exploring that too deeply. My dad had been a very masculine man who would always tell me how proud he was that I was his son, and he’d wanted nothing more than for me to follow in his footsteps and become a professional footballer. His parents were the same, telling me that I had to be strong now that dad was gone and be the man of the house, looking after mum and making dad’s memory proud. Even mum echoed what they said sometimes, saying that she wanted me to grow up into a man dad would be proud of. She called me her little man and would always tell me how she was looking forward to my future, when I followed in dad’s footsteps and became a pro footballer just like him.
I never ever wanted to disappoint mum, nor my grandparents to a lesser extent. I didn’t think they’d accept me as a girl, and if they did they’d still be disappointed in me. They wanted me to be a man, not a woman. Dad’s son, his heir, someone who’d make him proud. I’d kill all of their dreams if told them the truth. And mum…she always said she saw dad inside of me, that I was the only thing left of him that she truly had left. I…I couldn’t take that away from her. I wasn’t that selfish.
But I didn’t care about football! I wasn’t even fit enough to get onto the school’s team! When I’d asked the captain about joining he’d been really nice but said that he couldn’t let me join because he was worried I’d get seriously injured. I hadn’t told mum and my grandparents that though, just lied to them and said that the team was full and I’d have to join next semester. I don’t know what lie I was going to tell them when that came up…
So, for the moment I was content with wearing boy’s clothes and looking like a flat-chested girl. I was curious about exploring my feelings more, maybe dressing up in girls clothes or wearing make-up, but I couldn’t. I was sure it’d just make me feel worse and push me to do things that mum would hate, and I couldn’t let myself do that to her. I had to be strong, just like she was. Maybe when I left home after school I could explore my desires…
I sighed and looked around the higher bookshelves, where the most popular books were displayed. There were quite a few and my eyes lit up when I saw one that looked perfect. It was called “50 simple everyday meals for the whole family” and had a picture of a roast chicken on the front.
‘Ooh!’ I tugged on Hazel’s school blazer and pointed up at it. ‘Can you get that down for me?’
‘You know, I’m not sure this is such a good idea.’ she said as she handed the book down to me, her lips twitching with a smile. ‘The only time I’ve ever seen you cook is when we tried to make cheese scones at my place and accidentally set yourself on fire taking the tray out of the oven.’
I froze in the act of opening the book and frowned at her. ‘That only happened because you told me to use my shirt to take the scones out of the oven!’
‘Yeah. You idiot.’ she grinned and I gaped at her.
‘Wh-me, an idiot? You’re the one who told me to do it!’
‘I didn’t think you’d actually do it! It’s really your fault for listening to me, you know.’ She said and then started laughing uproariously. ‘Oh my god! Your favourite shirt got ruined because of that, didn’t it? That stupid one with the cat on it! I remember the cats face got all melted off and y-’
‘It’s not funny! I loved that shirt!’ I snapped, my cheeks reddening as she laughed even harder. My favourite shirt back then had been a long-sleeved black one with a definitely not-stupid cartoon grey cartoon cat on it that was smiling and saying, “I’m purrfectly fine just the meow I am”. It was the best shirt I’d ever owned and it took me weeks to get over its loss!
‘You should be thanking me. That shirt was a crime against humanity and I’m glad it’s dead.’ Hazel grinned and I gasped in horror.
‘Wha-shut up!’ I smacked her in the stomach with the book as hard as I could, but it just made her laugh even harder. ‘God! You’re such a jerk sometimes!’
‘No I’m not. I’m purrfectly fine just the meow I am.’
‘Ah! You don’t get to say that you murderer!’ I cried and smacked her with the book again.
‘Hee.’ She giggled and playfully mussed up my hair. ‘Anyway, we need to go and meet Jennifer soon so hurry up and find a recipe.’
I frowned at her but relented, lowering the book just as I was about to hit her with it again. Hazel was just messing around, and considering that she’d been the one to actually save me from getting badly burnt that day I couldn’t stay mad. I could stay annoyed though…stupid jerk…
Jennifer was an older friend of Hazels from another school, and she had the costumes that we were going to wear to one of the annual anime convention that was happening this Sunday, Neko Shoujo Exhibition. Or just Nyaacon for short, because everyone loves cats.
Hazel and I were both huge anime fans, and had become friends in grade four when she’d seen me reading a Dragon Ball Z manga and asked to borrow it. I’d eagerly lent it to her, wanting someone else to talk to about the series, and we quickly became friends after that. We both had a wide variety of tastes that overlapped and we loved sharing them with each other. Her favourite genres were fighting and sports whereas I was more a fan of science fiction and magical girls.
We both had the same favourite anime though. An anime so amazing, so awesome, so perfect that it’d become the most-watched anime after only one episode! God Break Kata! The greatest science fiction, romance and horror anime that’d ever been created! It follow the story of a young man called Kata who wakes up on an alien planet with no memory of how he got there, and has to find the missing organs of an organic spaceship in order to get off the planet before it explodes. He’s helped by a young demon-girl called Yuri and together they leave the planet and try and find earth, if it still exists anymore.
Kata, the main character, is my hero. He’s like me, a boy who looks like a girl, but far more beautiful than I’ll ever be. He’s tall, elegant and stunning, with shoulder-length blackish-pink hair that flows around his slight shoulders and a face so perfectly feminine that every girl he comes across is immediately jealous of him. He wears a fitted red tank-top with long black gloves, baggy black pants and an oversized black unbuttoned shirt. His design is simple but effective, especially in relation to Yuri’s more elaborate and overly-sexual design. He was the straight man to her insanity.
And I was going to cosplay as him for the convention! Augh! It was like a dream come true! I was going to look like the most amazing man ever animated, and it was going to be fantastic. Probably the best day of my life! We were going to enter a group costume competition, with Hazel as Yuri, and if we won we’d get a $500 gift card to spend on any booth at the convention. I already had my eye on a set of ten-inch Kata and Yuri figurines that I was going to buy if we won, and Hazel was going to get a bunch of limited edition DVD’s from some of her favourite anime.
Ohh…and even if we didn’t win, just being able to dress up as Kata would be enough to make it the best day of my life. I couldn’t wait to hold his sword, the Heart Vein. It was so beautiful…
My eyes glazed over and the pages of the cookbook blurred. I shook myself and forced myself to focus on the pages, getting annoyed at myself for being distracted. Right now finding a good recipe to help mum was important, not Kata!
‘Okay!’ I said after a few minutes of flipping through the book until I found something I liked. ‘Do you think I could make this? Butter chicken?’
‘Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to be able to make anything more complicated than a bowl of cereal.’ Hazel smirked but took the book off me to look at the recipe. ‘But…I think you might be able to make this. You can buy the sauce pre-made and I think you should be able to get pre-cut chicken breast too. Then all you have to do is cook them together and add rice, I think.’
I nodded eagerly. ‘Do you think mum’ll like it?’
‘I have never met anyone in my entire life who doesn’t like butter chicken.’ Hazel said solemnly. ‘Now come on, borrow that book and let’s get out of here. I don’t want to make Jennifer wait.’
I nodded and we walked to the counter as Hazel explained to me where to buy the ingredients I’d need, and by the time we headed to the exit I was brimming with confidence. I smiled as I imagined mum coming home, exhausted and miserable from working all day, and then finding a steaming plate of fresh butter chicken on the dining room table along with a glass of her favourite red wine. She’d be so happy!
‘Right. Onto Hansi’s!’ Hazel said as we left the library. It was situated across from a large park full of joyfully screeching children climbing around a large wooden castle, and I smiled as I saw them. I remembered a time not too long ago when Hazel and I were one of those kids, playing hide and seek in the castle and pretending to be various anime characters.
Around the corner was the main street, and it was full of people this early in the afternoon. It was a Thursday and school had ended just under an hour ago, so the street was packed with parents and their children, going in and out of the various supermarkets, doctors and restaurants. I recognized quite a few of them by sight and even exchanged smiles with a tall boy from our class, Lee, although we didn’t talk.
Our destination was a café nestled between a bakery and a woman’s clothing store, and it was a very popular spot for students. Hansi’s was what we called it, but it was actually called Below the Sun. Hansi was the incredibly friendly man who worked there and we’d gotten used to calling the place by his name, as he was what stuck out the most. A muscular German man in his late thirties with a messily unshaven face and long black hair, he looked like he’d just got done singing at a rock concert. His eyes were dark and intense, but were more likely to be crinkled with a smile than darkened by a frown.
We entered the store and were greeted by the enticing scent of baked goods and fresh coffee, although the latter didn’t interest me. Hazel liked coffee but I found it bitter and gross, like licking a spongy rock. Yuck! There were a few other students in here as well, sitting in the large dining area to the side. Some of them were from our school, wearing the black and gold uniform, but the others were wearing either the blue and purple uniform of the private school and the dark brown of the public highschool. Hazel looked at them curiously as we entered, seeing Jennifer was there, but she apparently wasn’t as she shook her head and continued on to the counter, where Hansi was busy organising a row of cinnamon buns in a display shelf.
‘Ah! Hazel and Eric!’ he beamed when he looked up to see us coming over. ‘What can I get you two today?’
‘A vanilla milkshake!’ I said immediately, grabbing the edge of the bench and grinning up at him.
‘Of course.’ he nodded and looked at Hazel. ‘And you would like a cappuccino?’
‘Yep!’
‘So mature.’ Hansi said morosely. ‘You should be following your friend here’s example and having a milkshake, not a coffee. You’re far too young to be in the vile clutches of caffeine yet.’
‘I’m fifteen.’ Hazel said proudly. ‘I’m old enough to be able to make bad decisions for myself now.’
‘Hmm. Fair enough.’ Hansi looked down at me and smiled. ‘Did you want a chocolate muffin to go with your milkshake, Eric?’
I gasped. I loved muffins! And chocolate! ‘Yes please!’
‘Okay! And you?’ he asked, looking at Hazel.
‘Umm…’ she looked around at the assorted pastries and her eyes doubled in size when she saw what she wanted. ‘Oh! That doughnut shaped like a stegosaurus! I need it!’
‘Ah! Fantastic choice! My sister made those last night, you know.’ Hansi said with a touch of pride. ‘She saw their design in a book she was reading and just had to make them, and she stayed up all night doing so.’ He looked sadly down at the bench and shifted around a jar full of cookies. ‘It’s a shame she’s not here to see them being sold.’
Hazel gasped. ‘Oh no! Is she dead?’
‘What! No!’ Hansi cried as Hazel burst out laughing. ‘It’s her son’s birthday so she’s spending the day with him. Not dead! Bloody hell girl, you have a dark mind.’
‘No I don’t! You just looked so sad that she wasn’t here that I thought it was obvious that she was dead.’ Hazel said and Hansi narrowed his eyes at her.
‘I didn’t think she was dead.’ I chimed in and Hansi beamed down at me.
‘I know. You’re a smart girl.’ Hansi said and I beamed back at him, a surge of joy filling my chest. He always mistook me for a girl even though I was in the boy’s uniform, and I never corrected him. I loved being mistaken for a girl. It didn’t happen often but when it did it made so happy...
‘Go take your seats and I’ll have your orders ready in ten minutes.’ Hansi said and Hazel nodded, then led me to a four-seated white table a decent distance away from the other students in the café.
‘He still thinks that you’re a girl.’ Hazel teased as she sat down, and I turned bright red.
‘I know.’ I said quickly, dropping onto my chair more awkwardly than normal.
‘Why don’t you ever correct him?’
‘I…’ Hazel looked at me intensely and I looked down at my lap. ‘I don’t know.’
There was an uncomfortably long silence before Hazel spoke again. ‘I think that you’d look really good as a girl.’
‘I already do look like a girl.’
‘No, I mean like, if you dressed as one. Wore make-up and hand longer hair, stuff like that.’
I winced and fought off a painful feeling in my stomach. ‘I don’t want to do that. Why are you even asking?’
‘I’m just curious.’ She said casually. ‘Are you sure you don’t want to dress as a girl?’
I frowned and looked up at her. ‘Yeah. I am.’
‘Oh. Well, that’s unfortunate then.’ She said and smiled sheepishly, making me start to panic. Nothing good ever happened when she smiled like that.
‘What do you mean? Why’s it unfortunate?’
‘Okay, so I need to tell you something but you have to promise not to get mad, okay?’ she said and held up her hands.
I immediately got mad. ‘Hazel! What have you done?’
‘I can’t tell you until you promise me you won’t get mad!’
‘I can’t promise that! What did yo-’
‘Whew! Sorry I’m late.’ A girl’s voice interrupted me and Hazel and I both jumped as a heavy brown schoolbag was dumped onto our table, and a few seconds later a girl slipped into the chair in front of it. She had blonde hair pulled back into a loose pony-tail with two thick strands falling down on either side of her face, framing it beautifully. Her complexion was milky with pink spots on her cheeks, and her blue eyes were dark and smoky. She was obviously wearing make-up but it was so well-done that it looked natural on her, despite nobody ever naturally looking like that. Her complexion was smooth and shiny, her lips pink and lush and her eyebrows thin and perfect. Her nose was pierced with a silver stud, and two gold hoop earrings hung from her ears. She was wearing the uniform of the private school, a dark blue fitted shirt with a purple pattered skirt over black stockings, and she had a light blue jumper wrapped around her waist.
‘Jennifer! Jesus!’ Hazel cried and put a hand to her chest. ‘You almost gave me a heart attack!’
‘Hah. Sorry.’ Jennifer smirked and then turned to look at me. Her eyes lit up and a delighted smile broke over her face like the sun coming up over the horizon. ‘So, is this him? Eric?’
‘Yes! That’s him!’
‘That’s me!’ I said quickly, realising that I’d been staring blankly at Jennifer for a while now. She was stupidly attractive and I wondered why her school let her wear piercings and make-up. Our school stamped down on that for both the boys and the girls. I guess private schools had different rules. Wow…
‘Hi Eric! I’m Jennifer.’ Jennifer said and offered me her hand, which I stared at for a moment realising that I was supposed to shake it. Her hand was bigger than mine but much softer, and so warm! ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘I’m Eric!’ I said and she nodded.
‘Yeah, I know.’ She grinned and let go of my hand, then slowly looked me over. ‘Oh wow. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you ever since Hazel told me about you and I’m not disappointed.’
I blinked. ‘What?’
‘You. Are. Perfect!’ she said excitedly and grabbed my shoulders, then ran her hands down then and grabbed my waist. ‘You’re so small and slim, but not bony or anything! Your body’s just like a girls! You’re fat in all the right places, except for your chest but that’s easily fixed! This is so rare!’
‘What is?’ I asked uncomfortably. I didn’t like that she was being so forward with my body but I wasn’t quite sure what was going on so I didn’t want to stop her just yet.
‘I mean, it’s not that rare that you look like a girl, but that you’re actually willing to dress up like one is!’ Jennifer continued. ‘All the other boys like you that I’ve asked in the past are disgusted by the idea, and the ones who aren’t won’t ever look good as a girl! I’m so happy to have found you! You’re going to be sexiest Yuri ever! Ah! I can’t wait to see how the uniform looks on you tomorrow!’
‘Hold on a minute.’ I said slowly, pulling her hands off of me and starting at Hazel, who had a stupid grin on her face. My stomach jolted with a sharp anger. ‘Haze, what the-’
‘Ah! So, Eric, I kind of forgot to tell you but…’ she said anxiously, her eyes darting all over the place. ‘B-but you’re going to be dressing as Yuri! Okay? Yay! Yay?’
I stared at her in silence for a very long time, anger slowly building up inside of me until I couldn’t contain it any more.
‘Hazel! What the hell!’