My Super Secret Life-19.
Chapter 19
*Alexis…
I wake up feeling like I’ve been through a beat down and my room’s dark and my body just hurts. My stomach hurts from crying so much. I slide out of bed and there’s still some of Ty that’s leaked out of me.
Enough to get me bawling again.
Emotional, yeah…usually I’m Matt and by almost social definition told to not act femme…and femme isn’t camp. A genetic male being female in his sensuality isn’t camp and swishy.
Yeah, I’m Bi in my sexuality but really in my sensuality I’m a girl.
Some of my favorite times with Sunny was with her on top and her pinning me to the bed my arms up over my shoulders kissing me, sucking on my nipples, having her hair cascade over me and god I almost told her so many times…it got even harder to stay in the closet when she started to change and she became a better person.
When I figured it all out it was like a sign.
So I opened up my hidden world and the hidden part of me and it all went so right…then just so wrong.
I make my way to the bathroom and try to get clean, two really hot showers, stripping off the hair and hating what I see in the mirror.
Matt trying to be Matt not the real me.
Then I notice the noise.
My parents are fighting downstairs.
Mom- “This is your fault, our child is messed up because of what you did!”
Dad- “Oh no, this isn’t my fucking fault between you coddling him and letting him be a god-damned sissy as a kid and your deviant fucking family! No wonder he turned out like this!”
Mom- “No Scott, this is you’re fault!, you did this and Matt comes home looking like that! And all of our neighbors seen him!”
Dad- “I know what he fucking came home like! If you didn’t dress and prance around like a fucking whore!”
I hear her scream and throw something breakable. I go and lock my doors and crank my stereo up to really loud playing BlackGlitter an all VG metal hard rock band and start tearing apart my room.
No more!
I’m not going to take this anymore! And I’m digging out my whole hidden collection of all my girl clothes and setting it all out on the bed and the I start going through my guys stuff and getting a garbage bag for the stuff I’ve always hated.
I get some more bags for some of the stuff I was using to hide myself from the world.
I’m crying for a bit in between things.
There’s knocking, pounding on my door and that’s gotta be dad. I slip on a black slip and give my lips a quick touch up of purple leather lipstick and I unlock the door.
“Yes?”
They’re both there staring at me.
“Matt? What’s going on?” Mom asks. I heard her she’s just as enthralled that I’m being me as dad is.
“You get the fuck out of that gay shit right now!” Dad’s raging, all red faced and stuff.
“No…Dad, this is me, this is who I am now and I’m not going back.” I look at her. “Mom, I’m not just you’re son but your daughter too…when I’m dressed like this I’m Alexis…not one or the other but both.”
“No!, You’re going to…” He goes to grab me and I snag his wrist and turn then pin him up against the wall with his arm twisted behind his back.
“No Dad you can’t bully me, or bluster or bluff your way through this! This is ME! Now can you get your head out of your ass and actually be this oh so progressive guy you pretend to be. Or do I have to go into my room and change into my frilliest dress then kick your butt?”
“Dammit Matt!, Lemme go!”
I let him go but I’m ready for a fight. He backs away rubbing his arm. “Why? Why are you doing this?”
“Dad, it’s nothing about why. This is me. I’m bi-gendered. I have to be me…I just can’t go around just being Matt when I’m not just Matt. I’m not.”
“But school…and football?”
“What about it? I’m out, I’m coming out and staying out. I still want to go to school, go to college, I still want to play football but I want to live too, I need to live MY life on MY terms.”
“Are you gay?”
“No…yes…I still like girls, hell I like girls so much I identify with them.”
“Are you getting…one of those operations?”
“No…I wasn’t planning on it…I like who I am when I can be me?”
“You know what people are going to say?”
“Lot’s and I don’t care Dad, honestly think about our fucking neighbors. They’re just as fucked up as we are. They have no room to throw stones.”
“But they will.”
“And I don’t care. It’s like when I’m not me all the weight of this part of me is sitting right on my chest and I’m suffocating!”
He paces, and paces… “I want you seeing a shrink, I want opinions on whatever the fuck this is…I need a drink.” He stalks off downstairs. I look over at Mom who’s been crying.
“Oh Matt, I’m sorry…this, this is all my fault.”
“Mom, it’s not your fault. I’m not nuts, it’s not about attention it’s just me.”
“But…but…” (Sobby-Sniffles.)
“No Buts Mom…This is just me.”
(Sniffle.) “I take it those clothes aren’t Sunny’s”
“No Mom they’re mine.”
“Does she know?”
“Yeah…” Oh great I’m crying again.
“M..Matt…Alexis?”
“Yes Mom?”
“What happened?”
“Sunny and I broke up.”
“What? Why?”
“She cheated on me and….she never told me…”
“And this morning?…you were with a boy weren’t you.”
“Y..yes…”
“What happened?”
“He…he wasn’t the guy I thought he was…”
“Oh Honey…” She comes over and hugs me and walks me back into my room.
“You don’t hate me?”
“No…it’s just…this really took us out of the blue and me and your dad aren’t doing so well.”
(Sniffle.) “I noticed.”
“Well we were just using this as an excuse to start the fighting up again.”
“Was any of that stuff true?”
“Yes honey a lot of it.”
“Like?”
“My family, there’s a lot of different people in my family…and I never came from money like your Dad did. I just was lucky enough to be pretty when I was younger…”
“Mom you’re still pretty.”
“Thanks Alexis…”
“It’s true…” (Sniffle.)
“Well so’s that…It’s why we don’t go up home to Bay-City, I guess I’ve been ashamed of them and…”
“And…what?”
“What we did?”
“Did?”
“You’re enhanced.”
“What?”
“You’re Dad wanted a legacy, a son that was handsome and smart and a natural athlete so we…when I was pregnant with you we…we went to a special clinic.”
“Mom…”
“We had them tweek some of your DNA.”
Oh…oh…Oh fuck…
“Am I even human?”
“Yes, of course you are it’s not even detectable either…You father paid top dollars for that.”
“But that means I’ve been cheating? Cheating at everything?”
“No!, no it hasn’t, if you gave it your all then you were trying for real. If the stuff just came without any effort then yes.”
I flop back on the bed and cover my face with my hands.
“Alexis…?”
“Dad and you were thinking this is some side effect?”
“I don’t know honey, the thought’s always been there?”
“There?”
“Who you’d have been if we never meddled in the first place.”
“Oh…”
“Alexis…Matt?”
“Yeah Mom?”
“We do love you.”
“I know…I hope dad does too.”
“He does it’s just this…”
“Isn’t picture perfect and Dad want’s things to look a certain way.”
“He’s still trying to impress his father.”
“Grandpa’s been dead since before I was born.”
“Yes and he told your father he was a useless screw up compare to your Uncle Jeff.”
“Ughh…”
I’m not a fan of my Uncle Jeff, he’s the definitely of souless asshole. He runs what was the family business before Dad left Ark City to come down here. Him and his whole family treat us like we’re trash even if we live here in Diamond Hills. They live in Ark City and that makes them so much better than us. Even now people still refer to Ark City as having a New York City attitude. Just like people say we’re a mix of Los Angeles and Vegas.
We just sit there and I’m trying to digest everything, coming out…finding out that in a weird way that I’m not the me that I thought I was.
Mom actually gets up and she’s looking through my girl clothes separating what needs washed and what needs dry cleaned. Checking out my wigs. “You spent a lot of money on these.”
“Yeah, but Matt’s a guy…I was able to say it was Sunny’s or that some of it was me spending the money on dates of just beer and stuff with the guys like junk food.”
“Uh huh…pizza of these killer slacks…oh…I need the slacks!” She’s trying to make a joke which is weird. But it gets me smiling a little.
“I had to watch my waistline.” I weakly smile back.
“Show me.”
“Huh?”
“C’mon…you’re Dad’s going to drink himself senseless in the den if I know him and I want to see this daughter I’ve never met.”
“Are you sure?”
“So not sure…I and so in the dark about all of this honey…the only thing I can do it start over. I mean Alexis is Matt but not right?”
“Yeah…”
“Well, then I want to meet her.”
“Uhm okay.”
It’s scary and shaky at first. Mom’s definitely freaked when I really get my look going and there’s a lot of crying. A lot of her going “Why didn’t I see you?” and I know a lot of people don’t get this but I like being Matt when I’m Matt but when I’m not Matt, I self identify as being a girl…and when my Mom actually says things like I’m beautiful…There’s a lot of tears there.
And Dad was there at one point drinking whisky right from the decanter thingy, you know what you pour booze in when you want to be all fancy.
We didn’t know he was there and we were full swing into girly mode.
………………………………........
………………………………........
He walks in and walks over to Mom and he kisses her. She looks surprised….hell I’m surprised because it wasn’t the pecks they usually do. He really kissed her. Then he walks over to me. “I was thinking, actually I was drinking on the stairs as you and your mom talked…and seeing how things were between me and my old man were…”
He sways a bit and the whisky breath is peel my make up off strong. “As I was saying…I don’t want that wit you. So It occurred to me that maybe I’m the one with the problem…so I’m gonna talk to someone and get MY head on straight because yer my kid and…your…You’re..worth it.”
He drunkenly kisses me on my forehead. “No…boys…not unless I meet them first….dammit if I have a part time daughter then I’m going to do this right.”
He ruffles my hair which makes me squeak and slap girl like at his hands. “Dad!”
He blinks at me. “Pfft…bad as your mother with the hair thing…” He starts to stagger sway out. “I’m ordering Pizza you two want something?”
“I…Uhm…sure….?”
We get changed after he’s gone downstairs and I keep the weave on and get dressed in panties, nothing special just comfy ones. And My as Matt football Jersey but with a borrowed pair of mom’s flannel pjama bottoms and her and I go down stairs.
We order a lot of food or dad does and while he’s still drinking he’s playing pool in his den while Mom and I watch him but watch TV too.
It’s so messed up and it’s not perfect, hell it’s still pretty effing awkward but…It could have been worse…they could still be fighting. It’s even weird that they’re not. Hell even I think they think it’s weird that, that layer of hostility isn’t there like it has been.
I’ll take awkward over the yelling.
The lack of it really stands out though.
I actually am beat and I get awkward again bed time hugs…and Dad holds on until Mom pry’s him off of me but I think I heard him…softly drunk sniffle in my ear… “Don’t kill yourself…please don’t…”
I’m still trying to wrap that kind of thing around my brain as I head to bed. I go to sleep crying and holding my pillows for the second time in a row but it’s a lot better this time.
God…I really, really want to call Sunny right now!
Comments
Alexsis actually broke up
Alexsis actually broke up with Sunny, who I don't think was cheating on because Sunny didn't even know she existed. Titan is actually still a teenager and was unable to deal with the first emergency so he saught comfort with Sonya. If I recall it was Sonya who actually initiated the whole thing. I think that they are both confused teenagers however I still have more sympathy for Sunny.
I actually think she is a lot more balanced in trying to find herself in a very confusing situation.
I think Alexis acted more like a scorned woman which was overeacting and she broke Sunny's heart as well as her's and Matt's. I just think that it took her and Matt longer to figure that out.
Maybe this will be good for Matt/Alexis as it will give them a chance to figure out that they are the same person.
Huh?
Sorry, but I do not agree. Cheating is cheating. One person to another. They may both have different sides to them but you cheat on the person, not an aspect of the person. I do not see it any different then when a bisexual person who is in a committed relationship with one gender and then decides to have it all by having a lover on the side, opposite in gender, to the current person in their relationship.
Sunny cheated. Simple as that.
Matt/Alexis broke up with Sunny/Ty. And deservedly so.
Kim
Yeah I'm going to side with Kim on this one.
Sunny Cheated plain and simple and the fact she's new to being a guy doesn't cut it. That's like saying Boys will be boys.
Matt/Alexis is still reeling from it and is really hurting.
Like most break ups do.
*Hugs to both of you:)*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
MSSL
*sniffle* Dad's not perfect but he's trying and that means so much.
Alexis / Matt is going to have a hard time at school if his/her dad's initial reaction is anything to go by. I guess Sunny is going to have to choose sides at school, though standing by Matt would probably help him no end and go some way to healing the hurt. I really do want those two kids to get back together, though Sunny needs to do a bit of apologising (grovelling even) for her actions as Ty first. *sigh*
As for the 'enhancements' revealation, I can see that being unsettling. Just how much is Matt and how much genetics? Did something they do create Alexis or would s/he always have been VG? Are there any other side effects? A lot of questions for Matt to wrestle with.
Thank you for another enjoyable chapter Bailey.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Yeah I'm impressed a bit with the Dad.
He might have took it wrong, and he might have gotten drunk over it but the guy is trying. I agree that Sunny should stand by Matt when this goes down because guys like Mr. Haskell won't like it at all. And as if coming out and the recent break up happened they find out they're not who they thought they were.
Even in the 27th century teenaged life can be effed up.
*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
I just thought the same. The
I just thought the same. The father has been seriously fucked up, is probably blaming himself for everything that didn't went perfect in their lives, but he obviously loves his family. I guess he's that repressed that his nice side only comes out when he's drunk - he actually might need more help thant Matt/Alexis.
Sunny really needs to apologize, she fucked up, so now it's her job to patch it up. On the other hand if Matt/Alexis still likes her they ought to help. I don't reall understand why they're so pissed off anyway. Sunny was a bimbo who probably sucked dicks for better grades. He ought to have known something like this could happen...
Oh well, teenage drama. I hope this one stupidity won't totally destroy their love. Next time they might be able to start on terms where they both know what to expect of each other instead of slowly reveiling it.
Bailey, thank you for writing this captivating story, I can't believe I missed two chapters of this...
*hugs*
Beyogi
You're really right on the whole thing about Sunny.
Sunny did do those things and while she's been changing there's still some just teenaged I don't/didn't think things through happening. Sunny does need to apologize and part of Matt/Alexis's problem was getting cheated on but also knowing or figuring things out that they were Titan they had raised expectations. It's partly that superhero label too Matt though Sunny was a better person than she was just because of that. It's not right but...people do that with their relationships all the time.
As for Matt's dad, a very success driven guy who's tied too many of his feeling into all of that rather than family.
Great Comment:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
well since Alexis broke up with Sunny
she needs to call if she want to sort it out.
glad to see the home life has started in a better direction, it takes time and effort.
great chapter, thanks
Sunny has NO Idea what to do...
She's being a bit of a wus not calling and trying to make things right. But she's never been on this end of things before.
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Cheating
Yeah! Cheating is cheating. However there were extenuating circumstances. First Sunny tried to come clean although her timing was horrible. Going though a second puberty and dealing with an entirely new set feelings and that ramped up sex drive has got to be hard. Enough guys gets in trouble as it is because of that and they grew up with it!
Alexis/Matt has a full plate of problems too! We can see her struggle with her femininity and trying to sort out her feelings. Shades of Dr. Bashir (DS-9)! Is this tinkering illegal here? Certainly it's not common given how they tried to cover it up. In a way, Alexis has the worse of both worlds, she's male and happy that way, but a major proportion of her personality is very feminine. People are just not going to be very accepting of that! As for the 'rents they are trying! Dad may be something of a jerk, but he loves his kid. That says a lot.
As always Bailey, you rock! :)
hugs
Grover
Matt is going to go through so pretty rough stuff I think...
I do that sometimes but it's good story and good for the characters. I like the depth if the do ever get things back together. I liked writing the parents and the enhanced part of the story and it's a new spin on the dad wanting the perfect son thing. But still loves him dearly even after he freaked.
Them being VG is going to be harder at their school than public school too it's a really good school and a private one to boot. And a lot of people won't like Matt and Alexis living interchangibly.
*Great Big Hugs Grover:)*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Dad going to get his head on straight?
'He walks in and walks over to Mom and he kisses her. She looks surprised….hell I’m surprised because it wasn’t the pecks they usually do. He really kissed her. Then he walks over to me. “I was thinking, actually I was drinking on the stairs as you and your mom talked…and seeing how things were between me and my old man were…â€
He sways a bit and the whisky breath is peel my make up off strong. “As I was saying…I don’t want that wit you. So It occurred to me that maybe I’m the one with the problem…so I’m gonna talk to someone and get MY head on straight because yer my kid and…your…You’re..worth it.â€
He drunkenly kisses me on my forehead. “No…boys…not unless I meet them first….dammit if I have a part time daughter then I’m going to do this right.â€'
Well, I guess its a start. But only if he follows through when sober.
Yup a good little scene that:)
And you're right we'll have to see what he's going to be like sober but I think the reaction's not too out of step for some parents. It could've been worse.
Thanks Dorothy:)
*Great Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey...A proud supporter of Team Dorothy.
Bailey Summers