At last ‘A life’
By Julie D Cole
Chapter 57 Hugs all round
‘Well if Jessica was her niece and her mum was Kates sister how can that be?’

‘What do you mean, Kate told me her sister became pregnant at school and that Jessica was given up for adoption.’

‘Yes that what she told me and that Jessica was raised by her adoptive parents who had two other children.’

‘But something doesn’t seem to fit here sis and I can’t just figure it out.’
‘Well hopefully all the fuss about Jessica can die down now and maybe she’ll be happier back in one of the stores.’

Then mum chipped in and said we should forget all this for now because she wanted to know about much more important things like how I’d gone on with Dr. Ramsden.

‘Nothing is more important than that Chris, what happened and did you discuss about options ahead of you and your feelings these days.’

‘Sorry mum, I should tell you because you’re right that’s my main focus just now because I need to make some important decisions and move on from here one way or another.’

‘But how do you feel and what did he say to you.’

‘If I’m honest the visit was a disappointment since he didn’t tell me anything other than I seemed to be perfectly healthy. He never discussed my feelings or why I had started living like this.’

‘So what happened?’

‘Well he did some fairly routine tests to check my heart and my lungs and he did a blood test. He checked out my eyes and my ears and my reflexes. I thought I was being signed for Manchester United or something.’

Sally giggled. At least somebody liked my little jokes but mum stayed serious.

‘Chris did he examine you more closely to see if you had any problems below or anything?’
‘Ha, no he looked at me and felt around a little bit that was embarrassing. He said everything seemed to be in place and asked if everything worked properly. Come to think of it he did ask if I’d I ever had sex or masturbated?’

’Chris, don’t be coarse!’

‘But mum you asked me what happened and that’s what he said to me.’

Julie piped in. ‘So?’

‘Well I said it worked Ok and that’s all you need to know for now isn’t it.’

‘Well no actually but …’

Sally intervened and said that was my business to which Julie said ‘OK I’m sorry it’s not that I am being nosey about your relationship but it does have an impact on your decisions.’

‘Julie I know and rest assured that sex is not so important to me and I never had any strong urges. But I am not impotent.’

‘But did you think ahead at all? If you carry on as Chrissy will you make it a permanent change and have an operation’

‘Wow you ask me a question that is difficult to answer just now. Much depends on what Sally thinks as well.’

Mum said ‘What about James and your feelings for him? Did you discuss this?’

‘Mum I was there for less than 1 hour and it was mainly medical tests. I’m supposed to see a therapist that was going to be tomorrow but nothing is fixed yet.’

Sally had gone quiet and I sensed it was because mum had mentioned James. I knew where she was coming from when she asked the question.

‘Mum I did tell Dr Ramsden that I didn’t think that I was gay. I tld him that I’d met someone but it was only a casual relationship and that strange as it seemed since I started dressing like this I’d found a girlfriend. Well she may have found me.’

That brought a smile to Sallys face and I was glad. It was true that she was my girlfriend but not necessarily in a boy/girl way. I just liked her a lot and felt good when I was with her. Sometimes I felt like I needed to protect her and other times I wanted to spoil her to death. I loved to tease her and she was gentle and kind and maybe that was my nature too that comes out more these days.

‘Well Chris what are we going to do then. What shall we do with you?’

‘Well mum I passed the medical today and nobody decided to shoot me so I guess I have to talk more about my feelings and to think about you and Julie and how this might affect you.’ ‘Sally is Sally and I hope that she understands what I’m trying to say.’ ‘Am I an embarrassment to you and could you accept that I live like this forever?’

Julie just said ‘Well you are a better sister than a brother that’s all I can say. I love you and I’ll always love you. It works for me with you living like this and people better get used to it that’s all’

‘You are magic. My favorite sister in all the world.’

‘Ha Ha the only one you’ve got so be careful to look after her!’

‘Mum was a little bit tearful by now but she nodded and sat forward with her hands together. ‘Chris I do think you will have to be very brave. You’ve got most of your life still to live yet and if this makes you feel better and it’s what you want then that’s the most important thing of all. You know you have my support and I’ll always be there for you as long as I have living breath.’

‘Oh mum you are so understanding. I owe you so much and still you give me more. You’re the best mum in all the world.’

Julie said ‘Ok that’s enough or we’ll have no tissues left. So what about the bank and the money that went from your account.’

I told them what happened and about the difficulty that I now had with my full name on the card. We decided it depended on my talks with our own doctor and what decisions I made. Then I thought it was the right time to tell mum that I wanted to talk to dad as well and to try to get us all to meet. He was still due to go to York for the weekend as far as I knew. I hadn’t heard anything and I felt sure he was waiting for me to call him.

‘Mum before I can make my decisions there is someone else who I would like to meet again and I can arrange that for this weekend before I meet Dr Reynolds. But it depends on you.’
‘What do you mean? I’ve said I’ll support you’

‘Mum I’d like to talk to dad as well. He is my dad. He is still your husband and julies dad.’

‘Chris you ask too much. You know he hurt me a lot and gran could not forgive him.’

‘Mum to hell with what Gran thinks this has gone on too long. What about me, what about Julie?’

‘Most of all mum what about you. Who ever takes care about you?’

‘Chris, I don’t know. It’s a few years since I met him and I cut him out of my life.’

‘Yes mum but we all lost him but most of all he lost us. All because he loved two sisters who loved each other. Look what you did for me. You forgave Judith so why can’t you forgive dad too? Life is too short.’

Julie was looking on nodding waiting to add her support but right now I was getting through to mum so she held back.

‘Mum, dad is coming to York this weekend and he’s waiting for my call. He wants to meet you and of course he would like to see Julie and I too. It would be a great chance to talk together.’

Long pause.

‘Mum I can’t make any decision about my life until I’ve consulted all the people who matter to me. Dad might have made a mistake. I am his mistake. Do you feel I’m reminding you of his weakness and the relationship he had with Judith?’

‘No’

‘Mum if I had to disappear so that it brought you back together I will do that tomorrow.’
‘Chris don’t be silly. I don’t think you are a mistake. You are very special to me.’

‘There is no point to be special if I caused the break up between you and dad. He obviously loved you and look what he did and the pain he had to live with.’

‘OK, Ok I will meet him. You can call him. I’ll tidy myself up and have my hair done tomorrow.’

It was hugs all round.

To be continued…….