I looked around, and I saw some old faces and some new faces. And I knew that there would be one face missing, and it was.

We walked further into the barbecue area, and I saw Naainish and Chief Kinlicheeny. Naainish saw me first and started to walk over. As he approached he smiled, I didn’t. As he walked up, he said, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Kai doo Ajie.”

“Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Naainish.”, I replied.

“Kai, something is wrong?”

“Yes. I’m missing someone.”

“Chief Todachine?”

“Yes.”

“We all are missing him. And it will take time for the feeling to go away. But I have someone that you two need to meet.”

“Who.”

“Come with me, and you will see.”

Amy and I walked with Naainish over to where Chief Kinlicheeny and the other man were standing. Chief Kinlicheeny looked at us, and said, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Kai Nez doo Ajie Nez.” (Good evening Kai Nez and Ajie Nez)

I replied, “Yá’át’ééh alní'íní Naat'áanii Kinlicheeny.” (Good evening Chief Kinlicheeny) And Amy echoed me.

“I see you’ve learned some of our language.”

(The rest of our conversation was in Navajo.)

“Yes. My mother has been teaching us.”

“That is a good.”

“We’re still learning. So we may not be good.”

“You are doing fine.”

“It seems to come easily to us.”

I then looked at the other man standing there, and asked, “Who is this?”

“This is Chief Peshlakai. He is the new chief of your clan.

“ Chief Peshlakai, this is Kai Nez and Ajie Nez.”

“So, this is Kai Nez.”, Chief Peshlakai said. “I have heard a lot of things about you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Thank you, Chief. It’s a pleasure to meet you also.”, I said.

I wasn’t very happy right now. I then looked at Naainish and said, “We need to talk. Chief Kinlicheeny. Chief Peshlakai. Please excuse us.”

(We’re back to English)

Without another word, I turned and walked towards an area that was somewhat secluded, and Amy was with me. I felt Naainish following me. When we reached the secluded spot, I turned and watched Naainish walk up to us. We just stood there for a few seconds until I said, “Naainish, haven’t I asked that things about me, the Kai me, be kept private?”

“Yes.”, Naainish replied quietly.

“Then why, do I keep hearing that so many people know about me, and now Chief Peshlakai?”

“Chief Peshlakai received most of his information from Chief Kinlicheeny and Chief Todachine. I was there and didn’t say anything.”

I just looked at him and shook my head.

I looked at Amy, and said, “I’ve had it. I’m going back to Aunt Ruth’s house. Honey, you go and enjoy the barbecue.”

“No.”, Amy said. “I’m going with you.”

As we started to walk away from Naainish, he said, “Kai Nez, I sense something. Something is troubling you, and it’s not about people knowing about you.”

I turned, and said, “I am troubled that too many people know about me.”

“Yes. But there is something else. Something that I must help you with.”

I looked at him for a few seconds, then said, “Naainish, something has bothered me for the last few hours, and I don’t know what it is.”

“I know. I want you, Kai Nez, and you, Ajie Nez, to meet me at the remote hogan in one hours time. For now, leave this place and go to your aunt’s home and wait that hour.”

I just looked at him, why I agreed with him I don’t know, but I did. He turned and walked back to where the barbecue was. Amy and I continued walking to my aunt and uncle’s house.

(Everything spoken from here on is in Navajo)

Amy and I waited that hour then drove to the remote hogan. There were two pickup trucks there, and one was Naainish’s and the other one I’d never seen before. As we walked up to the flap that covered the door, we heard Naainish chanting. We stood there for a minute, then the chanting stopped, and we heard Naainish say, “Kai Nez and Ajie Nez join us.”

I moved the flap aside so that Ajie could enter and I followed. As I closed the flap, I could only see the flames from the small fire and the outline of four men. I knew one was Naainish. And Naainish said, “Ajie Nez come and sit next to Yiska Biakeddy.” Yiska Biakeddy is my uncle.

Ajie did as she was asked. Then Naainish said, “Kai Nez, sit across the fire from us.”

I walked over and sat on a small rug across the fire from the five of them. Then I noticed who the other two were. It was Chief Todachine and Chief Peshlakai. I also saw a sand painting on the ground between the fire and where Naainish was sitting.

Then Naainish said, “Kai Nez, the Moon rise of tonight's full Moon was well before the Sunset. So you probably didn’t even notice the Moon in the sky. This is the Small Harvest Moon. And this is the same Moon that gave you troubles last year.

“And it’s causing you troubles this year. More than it did last year. Here, in the hogan, it won’t bother you because you are away from the thermal pools and fire pit. The combination of the strong medicine of this full Moon and being in the area of the strong spirits of the thermal pools and fire pit effects you in strange ways.

“They affect you because your spirits are becoming stronger and they interact with the spirits of this area and the full Moon. And you have not learned all that is necessary to maintain control of them.

“This Moon had risen earlier in the afternoon. So it’s full effect was there during the barbecue.

“We need to call to the Holy People to help you.

“Ajie Nez, you are here because of your closeness to Kai Nez. As I’ve told you before, outsiders are usually not permitted to witness a sacred ceremony. But we know your hearts are one. And your presence will help Kai.

“Yiska Biakeddy as well as Chief Todachine and Chief Peshlakai, you are here to add your spiritual strength to the ceremony.

“You will all sit silently unless you are spoken to.

“Kai Nez, stand and then sit on the sand painting.”

I did as Naainish said.

As I sat, Naainish started to chant.

I won’t go any further into the ceremony as it is a sacred ceremony.

When Naainish finished, he said, “Kai Nez, we are done. You may stand.”

I stood up in the middle of the sand painting. Something felt different. I somehow felt better. I looked down at the sand painting, and it was a mess from me sitting on it.

Everyone else stood. And I said, “Thank you Naainish.”

“Kai Nez.”, Naainish asked. “Do you feel better?”

“Yes.”

Naainish smiled, and said, “Yá’át’ééh.” (It is good.)

(We’re back to English.)

“Kai Nez. You are young and don’t know the powers of the spirits. It is something that you will learn. Tonight the full Moon was too much for you. If you would have been anywhere but in the area of the thermal pools or the fire pit, you would have been fine. For you, the area of the resort magnifies the strength of the full Moon. You can learn to control it.”

“When will I learn this?”, I asked.

“You are here for two weeks. We can start on it if you can spend some time with me. Can you?”

“Yes. I will make time.”

“Can you meet me here for a couple of hours early on Sunday morning?”

I looked at Amy, she smiled and nodded yes.

I then said, “Yes I’ll be here.”

“Good. I will see you at seven. Now, go back to the barbecue and enjoy.”

Amy and I walked out of the remote hogan and to our car. As we reached the car, we heard my uncle say, “Kai. Ajie. Wait for me.”

We waited for my uncle, and as the three of us got into the car, my uncle said, “I wonder if there’s any food left.”

“Uncle Paul.”, I said. “Is that all you think about?”

“No.”, he said. “But it’s always good.”

“You wouldn’t let it be anything but good.”

We drove back to my uncle’s house, I ran inside and found a small rug. Then the three of us walked to the barbecue site. Things were still in full swing. And there was food left.

Ajie and I walked over to where the dancers were and when we arrived there was a hoop dance that was just ending to a really nice round of applause. Dee saw us and ran over. And we both received hugs. But she quickly ran off saying, “I’ll be back. I have to dance.”

As we stood there and watched Dee dance, I noticed that the two preteen girls and their parents were also watching. The two girls and their mother were dressed in fancy long skirts and fancy blouses. They saw me, and we smiled at each other. Then Ajie and I walked over to them, and I said, “It looks like someone went shopping.”

The girl’s mother said, “Yes. They were very nice there. And the girls loved everything.”

The two girls were really looking at what Ajie and I were wearing, and one of them asked, “Your dresses are different then what you were wearing before. And your jewelry is wonderful.”

“Yes.”, I replied. “These are Biil dresses, and it’s what we call fancy dress. And, the moccasins are wrap moccasins. And most of the jewelry was made by my great-great-grandfather.

“You know. I don’t know your names.”

“My name is April, and this is my sister Amy. What are yours?”

“Those are nice names. My name is Kai, and hers is Ajie. But her real name is Amy. Ajie is her Navajo name.”

“Those names are so cool.”

“Are you having a good time out here?”

“Yes. It’s been fun and meeting you has made it even more fun.”

Their mother added, “We try to take the girls to a different part of the country every year, and we came out here this year. And meeting you has added to their experience.”

“I’m glad. Come to the bonfire tonight. It can be a lot of fun too.”

“Will you be there?”, one of the girls asked.

“Yes. This area is considered to be sacred ground by the native people. And the area of the thermal pools and fire pit have strong spirits.”

“Like ghosts?”

I smiled as I said, “No. The native people believe that everything has a spirit. Trees, flowers, animals, and even rocks. And certain places have strong spirits.

“When we come out here. There are times that we like to sit and meditate at the bonfire. And tonight is one of those times. There is a full Moon, and that adds strong medicine.”

“Are you special?”

“We’re all special. You will probably not feel the spirits like I do.”

Their mother asked, “Is it okay if we’re there while you meditate?”

“Of course. While we meditate, it’s like we’re the only ones there.”

We stood there and watched Dee dance, she and the other three girls did a really nice dance. When she finished, she came back over to us, and said, “I’m going to get something to eat. Want to join me?”

We excused ourselves and joined Dee. We talked the whole time she ate. And she impressed me. After Dee left us, Amy and I talked about her. And I said, “You know. I’d like to help her some more.”

“I thought you might.”, Amy said.

“We’ve got that money, and I’d like to use some of it to help others.”

Amy smiled her cute smile, and said, “You’re so cute.”

“I am?”

“Uh huh. And special. What do you want to do?”

“I’m thinking of starting a scholarship.”

“What kind?”

“Something that would help the people out here. Something that would help a child or children accomplish their dreams. Like Dee wants to do.”

“So, we need to set up that scholarship and people to oversee it.”

“Yes. But I don’t know how to start.”

Just then my aunt and uncle walked up, and my aunt said, “You two have been in a deep conversation.”

“Aunt Ruth. Uncle Paul.”, I said. “Sit down and join us.”

My aunt and uncle sat, and my uncle said, “What’s up kids?”

“You know.”, I said. “We don’t know Dee or Dibe’s last name. Do you?”

“Yes.”, my aunt said. “It’s Bylilly. Dibe Byllilly. Why?”

In a serious tone, I said, “What I’m going to tell you has to be kept quiet. And I mean quiet.”

“This sounds serious.”, my uncle said.

“It is. Uncle Paul, I know you were curious when I wrote a check for the full amount of the car I bought. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, back when I was about one, my dad's parents set up trust funds for my cousins and me. My dad found a good financial adviser and invested my trust in growth stocks and bonds. And Amy and I received the trust just before we came out here. … “

I went on to tell them the whole story including what we wanted to do. When I finished, my uncle let out a low whistle, and said, “Wow. You two. I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I figured as much.”, I said. “Who, out here, should we talk to?”

“Do you want to set up this scholarship for the whole Navajo Nation, or your clan, or what?”

“I think it should be available to anyone in the Nation that deserves it.”

“Okay. You have some of the high rollers in the Nation here tonight. And that may be a good place to start.”

“Chief Kinlicheeny. And who else.”

“Yes. Chief Kinlicheeny. Then there is Chief Peshlakai. And Naainish.”

“Naainish?”

“He's an important medicine man and highly thought of.”

“I should have known.”

“Then, believe it or not, there’s your grandmother.”

“What?”

“Yes. Along with being a member of the Tribal Council, she has a lot of pull with the tribal women.”

I caught a smile on Amy’s face as she said, “That doesn’t surprise me.”

“I need to go to the bonfire tonight. Do you think we can set up a meeting with all of them, plus both of you.”

“Us? Why us?”, my aunt asked.

“If we do this, I have to have someone out here that I can trust.”

“When do you want to do this meeting?”

“I guess the sooner, the better. But it may be too late after the bonfire.”

“Maybe not. Are you going to meditate?”

“After everything else tonight. Yes. And I think Ajie is also going to.”

“Yes. I am.”, Ajie said.

It had gotten dark, and I felt the pull of the bonfire. I picked up the rug, took Ajie’s hand in mine, and led her to the bonfire. As we walked up, the fire was blazing, and we saw the full Moon in the sky. I put down the rug, and we sat. I saw my uncle point at us while he spoke to the guests that were there. The drummer, flutist, and singer had come over from the barbecue.

As Ajie and I started to meditate, we heard someone start chanting. It was Naainish, and the chant didn’t sound familiar. We sat there for about fifteen minutes, then I looked at Ajie, stood up, offered her my hand, and helped her up. I picked up the rug, then Ajie and I walked over to where everyone else was. As we walked up to the two Chiefs, Naainish, and my aunt and uncle, Naainish asked, “Kai, you are feeling better. Aren’t you?”

“Yes, I am.”, I replied. “Thanks to you.”

Naainish smiled, and again said, “All is good.”

My uncle then said, “Kai. We will meet you at the house in half an hour, and you can meet with who you want to meet with.”

I nodded yes, and said, “Half an hour. That will work.”

As Ajie and I were getting ready to walk to my aunt’s house, the mother of the two preteen girls walked up to us. She looked at me and asked, “That was very interesting. The native people who were here seemed to look at you like you were doing something special. And so did the girls and I.”

“I assume, since you're here tonight, that you will be here tomorrow morning.”

“We will, but only until we have an early breakfast. Then we’ll be on the road. Why?”

“I was going to explain to you what you’d witnessed tonight. I don’t have time tonight as I have a meeting. But, let me ask you a question?”

“Okay.”

“First, we don’t know your name.”

“It’s Cathy. Cathy Edwards.”

“Nice to meet you, Cathy. My name is Kai Nez. And this is Ajie Nez.”

“It’s been a pleasure meeting you too.”

“Now, do you have any native blood?”

“Like Indian blood. I might. Why?”

“I sensed something yesterday and today. Not only in you but in the girls.”

“Oh. Really. Well, my family has been in America since before the Revolutionary War. And I’ve heard tell that it’s possible one or two of my grandmothers, I don’t know how far back, were native women.”

“I’d really like to talk with you.”

She reached into her purse and pulled out a business card, and handed it to me. I looked at it, and it said, Cathy L. Edwards, Attorney at Law and gave an address. And I said, “Cathy, you’re not very far from us.”

“Really!”

“Yes. If you don’t mind, when we get home I’d like to call you?”

“That would be fine.”

“I’m sorry, but we have to run.”

As we walked towards my aunt and uncle’s house, Ajie asked me, “I take it that you feel good about the woman?”

“Yes. I feel good about the whole family.” Then handing Ajie the woman’s business card, I said, “Look where they're from.”

Ajie took the card, looked at it, and said, “Her office isn’t far from the university.”

“I know. Small world. And if this plan works out we’re going to need a lawyer.

“What about your Uncle Richard?”

“He’s into corporate law. And Cathy is a general practice attorney. She may not be the right one, but will know who might be. But I’m hoping that she will be the one.”

“How much are you going to tell the Chiefs and Naainish about the scholarship idea?”

“Not much. I just want to see how the idea goes over.”

“Good idea.”

We walked into my aunt and uncle’s house and found everyone sitting in the living room. As we walked into the room, my grandmother said, “What kind of trouble are you kids in now?”

“Grandma!”, I said. “We’re not in any trouble.”

“Then why the meeting?”

“Ajie and I have something that we’d like to propose. And we want to see if it’s a good idea.

“What we would like to do is … “

And I went on to explain the idea of the scholarship. I didn’t tell them where the money would come from. That would come later.

When I finished, Naainish was nodding yes, and he had a smile on his face. And so did grandma. Chief Kinlicheeny had about as much of a smile as I’ve ever seen, and that wasn’t much. Chief Peshlakai looked like he was troubled by this whole thing, so I asked, “Chief Peshlakai, is there a problem?”

“Why do you want to do this?”, Chief Peshlakai asked. "You are not one of us. You don’t live here. You don’t know us. Do you feel sorry for us?”

I was shocked. I saw both Chief Kinlicheeny and Naainish look at him in a way that told me that they couldn’t believe what he’d said. And I think my grandmother, aunt, and uncle felt the same way.

I looked at Chief Peshlakai, and said, “Chief Peshlakai, you are correct in saying that we don’t live here. This is our third visit here, and we don’t know the full story of my people. The Navajo people. But I am one of you. I may be only one-fourth Navajo. But I’m learning more and more about my people. My ancestors. I’m also well aware of The Long Walk and the effect that it had on the people. And I want to learn more.

“I’ve been given a gift, or is it a penalty, by the Great Spirit of being a half-woman half-man person. I don’t entirely understand it and may never understand it. But I have accepted it. I feel that this gives me an insight into my people that not everyone has.

“Why do I, we, want to do this? Because we can, because we see a need. Last year I found out about a young Navajo girl that had set her sights very high. She wants to become a doctor. It’s hard enough to become a doctor let alone to be a girl doing it.

“I had allowed the resort to use me as the model for their brochure with the understanding that the monies that they would be paying me would be donated to this girl’s scholarship. Which they did, and the resort matched it.

“We were fortunate enough to meet the girl on our second trip out here last year. We were only able to talk to her for a short time, and both Ajie and I were impressed with her then. And in just talking to her I sensed that she would succeed if given a chance. This year we were able to sit and really talk with her, and we feel that this girl is destined to succeed. And we want her to. The only limiting factor is the money for her college.

“Last year this girl challenged me. I told her that she should be able to help her people if she accomplished her goal. Then she challenged me by saying, ‘Are you going to help your people when you graduate?’

“At that time I didn’t have a good answer for her, but now I do. We’re trying to set up a scholarship for our people. The Navajo people. It will help others that have the same dreams as this girl does. Hopefully, this will help me meet the challenge that she gave me.

“If this girl, or any other student for that matter, doesn’t have the chance to fulfill their dreams, the whole Nation will be poorer because of it.

“Do I feel sorry for my people. No. I feel sorry for the way they were treated by others.”

I had looked at Chief Peshlakai all through my little speech and had seen his expression change, but I couldn’t read it.

Then Amy said, “I’ve lived this whole experience with Kai. I’ve known her as Tom, Tammy, and Kai. In Kai, I think I’m seeing the true person. She may only be one-quarter Navajo by blood, but in her heart, she is a Navajo. I’ve seen the sadness in her eyes when she’s seen some of the conditions her people live in. And I also feel that sadness.

“But I also feel her pride in her people. I also see her wisdom in seeing how she can help her people. And I completely back her in what she wants to do.”

It was utterly silent. Finally, Chief Kinlicheeny said, “Kai Nez, you are special. You feel things for your people that I don’t even think some of the people that live here feel.”

Then Chief Peshlakai said, “Kai. Ajie. I’m sorry for what I’ve said. You do belong to us. You have big hearts. And I back your idea. It makes sense.”

“Chiefs, Naainish, Grandma, Aunt Ruth and Uncle Paul.”, I said. “Thank you for listening to me. When I’m back home, I’ll work with my financial advisor to get this moving. But I do have someone that I would like to see as the first recipient of the Chief Nastas Todachine Memorial Scholarship.”

I saw Naainish smile. Then Chief Kinlicheeny asked. “I like that name. Who is it that you want to receive the first scholarship?”

“Dibe Byllilly.”, Ajie said.

We talked some more about requirements for choosing the recipients. Then the chiefs and Naainish left.

My grandmother cornered me, and said, “Child, you are amazing. What you have just done is beyond belief. But where is the money coming from?”

“Grandma.”, I said. “Back when I was a year old … “

And I went on to explain to grandma about the trust fund my dad’s parents had set up for me. When I finished, grandma looked at me, and said, “You are willing to share that with people that you don’t know. People that will never know where it came from. You are something special.”

“Grandma. I don’t need the notoriety. My ego doesn’t need it either. What’s important is that someone that can use the assistance is receiving it.”

I got a big hug from grandma.

As we were crawling into bed, Amy said, “I couldn’t ask for a better partner than you are. It just makes me feel so good to be part of this. I love you more and more every day.”

“Amy.”, I said. “You are more special to me than anyone else. Our love for each other is amazing. I never thought that there was someone like you for me. And I was wrong. I just love you so much.”

We were so tired, that we just kissed, cuddled together, and fell asleep.