Mirror Mirror - Chapter 6
Norman opened the door and saw his brother Patrick pacing outside. Patrick offered to take Norman’s bag, but Norman refused, and took the bag to Patrick’s car.
Once the bag was loaded and they were both in the car, Patrick began the drive to the small town they had come from. For the first while, they made the drive in silence, but once they had reached the city limits, Patrick turned to Norman and said, “So ... how’s college?”
“Okay, so far. How’s the programing gig going?”
“Good.”
Silence reigned for a few minutes
Finally, Norman said, “Listen, Patrick ... I’m ... going through something right now. I ... think I need to have a conversation with mom and you at some point this weekend. But I’ll wait until after her birthday tomorrow.”
“Okay ... Norma. You know we love you, and we’ll be here for you, no matter what, right?”
“Thanks, Patrick.”
The rest of the drive was silent.
When they finally arrived at their mother’s place, Norman got out and grabbed his bag as his brother Patrick did the same with his own bag. They went toward the door, but before they got there the door opened, and their mother came out and gave both of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Norman was directed to his old room, which looked remarkably like what he remembered from his (male) childhood. Looking at it now through the eyes of a supposed girl, he couldn’t really see any obvious signs of femininity. Even though the closet had some dresses in it, they were stuffed in the far back, and looked like they had never been worn. Knowing how girly his mom was, he could easily see her buying dresses for her daughter, but apparently “Norma” wasn’t interested, which explained why his mom hadn’t been surprised by his outfit.
Norman stripped, and put on a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in, then crawled into his bed and fell asleep.
The next morning, Norman woke, and put on the best pants and shirt he had. He sighed when he looked in the mirror above his dresser, seeing the image of a rather pretty girl imitate his actions. On her, the clothes looked like she had raided her twin brother’s wardrobe, and he hoped he wouldn’t offend his mother too much on what was supposed to be a special day.
For a moment, he considered changing and at least trying a dress for his mom, but he rejected the notion. It would constitute a surrender, which he simply wasn’t prepared to do. Norman glumly went down the stairs to face the music.
As it happened, his mother raised an eyebrow but otherwise made no comment, which led Norman to believe his current outfit was pretty standard. He took a deep breath in relief, and went into the living room to join the family.
The party took all day, and despite his current circumstances, Norman enjoyed it immensely. When the party finally ended, Norman went back upstairs, but before he could get undressed he was startled by a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw his mother standing there looking rather tentative.
“Mom? What is it?”
“I ... just wanted to thank you for coming, Norma. I know you’re busy at University and everything.”
“Of course I was gonna come, mom. Not every day my mom turns 65.”
Norman’s mother smiled, and said, “Patrick mentioned you might want to have a family meeting?”
Norman nodded. “Yeah, I .. have some things I need to say, but we can do it after a nice breakfast.”
“Okay, Norma. I ... just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you and I love you, no matter what you have to tell us tomorrow.”
Norman gave his mother a hug, and then said, “Thanks, Mom. Good night.”
“Goodnight.” His mother said, and then closed the door on her way out of Norman’s bedroom.
Norman got changed and went to bed and eventually, fell asleep.
The next morning, Patrick, Norman, and their mother had a nice breakfast, and when it was over and the dishes put in the dishwasher, Patrick said, “Norma, you said you had something you needed to share with us?”
Norman nodded, and led the two of them into the living room and had them sit down. Then he stood in front of them, and said, “Mom, Patrick, something happened to me at University, and it ... I guess you could say it opened my eyes to something. I ... I really don’t know how to say this, but ... I’m not a girl. I was never a girl. I ... I’m transgender. In my heart and mind, I’m a guy, no matter what my mirror says.”
There was silence in the room for several minutes, and finally Norman said, “Say something?”
Patrick sighed, and said, “When we were kids, you always wanted to do what I did. I thought it was just part of you being younger, but I guess I always knew it was something deeper than that. You were looking to me to teach you how to be a guy, weren’t you?”
Norman nodded, and said “Yes. I was.”
Norman’s mother then said, “You hated dresses and anything girly as a child. I thought it was a tomboy phase, and someday you’d get interested in boys, and want to be more feminine. You had boys you hung around, but you never once said you thought of them as boyfriends. In fact you were repulsed by the idea. Is this because you ... you’re gay?”
“No mom. I ... I like girls, yes. But that’s not what this is about. I feel ... wrong as girl. I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror, seeing a girl in the reflection. I ... I feel like I’ll come apart if I have to try and pretend to be a girl.”
Norman’s mother stood, and gave Norman a large hug. “When you were born, I almost lost you. I was just grateful to keep you at all, I didn’t care whether you were a boy or a girl. Son or daughter, you’re mine, and I ... don’t want to lose you.”
Patrick stood, and joined the hug. “Hey, I always wanted a younger brother. Guess I had one all along.”
“Thanks. Thank you both. Having this conversation ... I was so scared.” Norman said.
“We could never reject you, hon. You’re family.” Patrick said, “But what are you gonna do about it?”
“I ... I don’t know. I’m going to make an appointment to see a gender specialist, and see what they say. I honestly don’t know about transitioning physically, but one step at a time.”
“Sounds smart.” Norman’s mother said with a smile. “I always knew both my ... boys were very smart.”
There was more hugging, and some crying, and eventually everyone decided that they needed to do something , so they decided to go to a small fair to look around. One happy, laughing, and smiling visit later, the three of them went home to have supper.
After supper, Norman went to his old room for one last night’s sleep before he was to go back to University tomorrow. After he got ready for bed, he looked in the mirror and then said to the girl he saw there, “I’m sorry I have to make you go away. If you were anybody but me, I’d like to have gotten to know you better. But I can’t be you. I hope you understand that.”
He sighed, and crawled into the bed. He knew that in a way, his adventure was just beginning, but it felt like the steps he had taken and the response he had received showed him it was possible to go back to being a guy.
“One step at a time., one day at a time” He thought, and went to sleep.
End.
Comments
Yay!
More please!
~And so it goes...
mercy, Erica Jane!
this one was as hard to write as anything I have ever done.
Thanks for the help and support, hon.
Hey hon...
I'm going to borrow some things from an old friend of mine who teaches writing. He's also a NYT Best Seller author.
Writing is like Carpentry in many ways. The first time you build a set of shelves. They're going to be plain. Not many frills if any, and may not be perfectly level. As you keep making things from wood, you learn techniques, things to add to your toolbox. Later down the road you'll be building desks with hidden panels ornate moulding, etc..
Writing is just like that. The more you do it, you learn techniques for your toolbox. Layering sub-plots, quick characterizations, building in those moments where the reader goes, 'So that's what that meant back in Chapter 6! You can only get better, as long as you stick to this simple rule. If while writing a piece, you didn't say to yourself that you'd bitten off more than you can chew (or a reasonable alternative of the same meaning), then it wasn't a learning experience. I firmly believe this is why formula books or really long series start to run stale after awhile. The author's no longer challenging himself/herself to be better.
Dot, you've got my help anytime you want it. You're crazy enough to be my first reader here. :)
~And so it goes...
Interesting Concept
I wonder what caused the change in reality? Somewhere there must be a Norman wishing she was Norma. Nice story Dottie. That came around nicely. Glad you stuck with it.
Hugs
Portia
thanks, Portia
maybe, in some other universe there is a Norma who is seeing a boy in her mirror ...
Nice reversal in your story.
Nice reversal in your story. I wonder at times just how many 'girls' are out there that actually know they are or should be boys?
Possibly more than anyone realizes; because MTF seem more prevalent and talked about than FTM are.
That could also be based on the fact we hear so much more about them, as "boys" are not supposed to want to wear dresses, or skirt or do so; while girls/women can wear "boy" clothing without prejudice.
Does any one know if such studies have ever been completed regarding all this?
Janice Lynn
I don't know, Janice Lynn
since as you say a girl can get away with being a "tomboy" a lot easier, so who knows how many trans men are actually out there?
Throw your hands in the air.....
....shout "I can't do it." .....tell you friends "I can't do it." ......find you can do it because the pressure you had put yourself under eased for long enough to let fresh ideas grow. Hope you have some cake or sin of choice to reward yourself for a job well done
Rhona McCloud
thanks, Rhona
appreciate all the support. Huggles!
Nice one!
But not what I expected at the beginning.
well, I'm glad I could do the unexpected
the expected would get dull, wouldn't it?
Thanks for reading and commenting, Hypatia.
Well done Dottie!
Well done. I suspect though that Norman will need to work on changing his appearance at least a little. With support from a loving Family and Friends anything is possible! Loving Hugs Talia (aka Popcorn Lady)
anything is possible, Talia?
I think I'm living proof of that, Popcorn Lady.
Thanks for reading and commenting
That's a great story
Very well written one. I really didn't expect such a turn and I did enjoy it very much.
thank you very much
hugs !
I Love this Story!
Too many times in TG fiction we get the perfectly normal guy end up somehow in a girl's body and it always goes the same way... "he" finds that "she" likes it better as a girl, and even ends up falling for a guy, even though it's firmly established at the start of the story that "he" only ever liked girls... but of course becoming a girl means that you have to find men attractive, right?
The biggest problem I have with that story type is that it makes being TG seem like something that we should be able to just "get over" and learn to like being our birth gender. After all, if "Jimmy" can learn to like being a girl when the witch turns him into one against his will, then why couldn't I learn to like being a boy when I was little? It wasn't for lack of trying, that's for certain!
So why is this such a recurring theme in TG fiction? Why do so many of us continually undermine our own existence with stories about normal boys learning how to like being turned into a girl? Why does Dorothy's story here have to be so remarkably different? Isn't this story a more true reflection of the transgender experience? Guy wakes up as a girl, ends up becoming a F2M trans-man... because no matter what he does, embracing becoming a girl is impossible because that's not what he is where it matters most... in his mind and heart. That is the heart of what it means to be TG, right? That no matter what we look like on the outside, no matter how many times people try to tell us who we are, that we know with all our heart that they're all wrong. That no matter how many times my parents tried to make me believe that I was a boy, I always was the girl I felt I was inside... because that is the truth.
Brava, Dorothy! I LOVE this story! Thank you!
I'm glad you liked it
I think the "boy learns to love being a girl" is so popular because we see ourselves as the protagonist, and if someone "forces" us to be a girl, well, its not our fault. and so we lack the guilt some of us struggle with
I think it's worse than that...
I think that the idea of being "forced" to like being something we aren't is a form of internalized transphobia... that we are still trying to accept the impossible position that was crammed down our throats for so many years of learning to like being stuck in a gender we aren't. The thing is though, it's impossible. The protagonist in those types of stories should no more be able to learn to like being forced to become a girl any more than I could have ever learn to like being a boy. Pretending that they can requires that one accept the notion that gender is strictly learned behavior... and anything learned can be unlearned.
I tried for nearly a quarter century to like being a boy, and later a man. It was an impossible task. Nobody can learn to accept being the wrong gender. That's why so many of us take the "easy" way out... by ending our suffering with our own hands.
I will never accept the notion that I just needed to try harder to accept my birth gender. No one tried harder than me to like being a boy... and no one failed more completely. The idea that a boy could learn to like being forced to be a girl is giving in to those that say we can be "cured"... that we just need the right kind of "help" to learn to like being what we aren't and can never be.
So, it's worse than wish fulfillment... it's giving up. It's telling ourselves and others that we need to learn to like being a gender we weren't born to be... the one in our hearts. It tells us that the thing the matters most is the physical body... not the spirit within. That who we are attracted to must also be dictated by our physical bodies, and that it must of course be the opposite sex.
See? It's all just heteronormative conditioning internalized into our trans experience... twisted into looking like fulfillment, but is actually still just beating us over the head with the idea, "You're not trying HARD enough to like being your sex! Just give in and be a man! You'd like it if you just stopped fighting it so much!"
Just what I see.
I was in the same boat as you
no matter how hard I tried, I couldn'thandle being a guy.
Nobody can
That's my whole point. Nobody can learn to like being shoved into a gender you aren't.
Trying to pass off Forced Fem as transgender wish fulfillment only works if you accept the notion that people can learn to like being their physical sex, even though that's not who they are inside... and learn to like the opposite sex by just doing what comes "naturally" to their physical sex. I.e. that women can only ever be sexually fulfilled by a man, and that if you put the mind of a man in the body of a woman he will inevitably learn to not only like being his new physical sex, but learn to like men because of it... because that's only "natural" right?
That's what makes Mirror, Mirror so unique, but so frustrating that it is unique. It shouldn't be. This story is the best example of true TG fiction... that shows what it's like to walk a mile in our shoes... to know with certainty that the rest of the world is wrong when all empirical evidence says they're right... but still we know ourselves enough to say what is true.
I am a woman. It doesn't matter that I was born into a male body, and no amount of coercion, threats, or even torture will ever make me accept a man's existence. Just the same, a man could never just roll over and accept being shoved into a woman's life. To say otherwise is to claim that trans-men need to just shut up and accept being a woman... I mean, if Johnny who gets turned into a girl with magic can accept being a woman and learning to love men, why can't Jane the trans-man accept "her" fate and learn to like being a girl and to love men? What's good for the goose, right?
My wife suggested that the Forced Fem fiction may actually be coming from the BDSM community... that it actually seems to have more in common with submission and domination than gender. Perhaps she's right.
Anyway, I think I made my point. Forced Fem is nothing more than giving in to the lie that we just need to accept our birth gender... because the physical body is more important than the soul. More stories should be like this.
I'd tried reading ...
... some of them forced fem stories, and eventually decided they weren't for me. But, reading them did wake up my muse, and I started wondering what it might be like, if things were changed. Those musing eventually lead to my story, Madam Martinique's Finishing School.
Madam Martinique's
I remember that story. It's too bad you never really finished it. It was OK, and I see a lot of that story in where you went with For Want of a Comma, but it always needed... more. I don't necessarily agree with the premise, (nothing personal, but it's difficult to believe in a place where human nature itself seems to have been put on perminant hold... people aren't, and likely never will be, that open-minded) but you certainly did a decent job turning the typical forced fem genre on it's ear, and that I like!
I tried to do something similar with my own anti-forced-fem novel, The Road to Hell... as inspired by your story, I Ain't Gay!. I hope sometime that you can let me know what you think of my take on the subject. :^) It seems to be my most popular story. (and if I may be so bold as to say, is my best written story)