previously published in episodic form
edited and expanded
Robert Altinger
Previously...
Jacob Blumenfeld Bielecki was man who believed in G_d and family and believed in his granddaughter before anyone else in the family knew her.
Born Benjamin Reuben Bielecki; now Deborah Leah Blumenfeld as she had taken the original family name at her rebirth. She put her hand to her face; the weeping was not bitter and the tears came like drops of rain from heaven as they fell upon the grave of Jacob Benjamin Blumenfeld. Her father’s strong arms pulled her close as she gave into the sad but hopeful grief and wept without sound. Naomi stepped close to the grave and spoke in a near whisper.
“Rachel and David and Judy had to work, Abba…they’ll be by tomorrow after school, okay?” She could see his smile as she closed her eyes; offering up her own silent prayer before grabbing Debbie’s hand as they walked back down the hill to the car.
A Intoyshan Fun a Muter (A Mother's Intuition)
The Bielecki Family Home, Peekskill, New York, a few years later...
Naomi walked into the living room with a tray with two mugs and a carafe and placed it on the coffee table as she sat down next to her youngest..
“Ooh, cinnamon buns, “ Judy smiled as she grabbed the pastry and the mug of coffee. She took a sip and forced another smile, leaving her mother entirely not clueless.
“What’s going on, oh light of my life?” she asked as she leaned closer; rubbing Judy’s arm softly.
"It’s…complicated.”
“Well, if there’s anything this family does well, it’s complicated,” Naomi teased. She took a quick glance at the photo hanging over the mantel of the fireplace. displaying the now-thoroughly seasoned parents Aaron and Naomi and their four adult children. Judy noted her mother’s look.
“Was it this difficult with Debbie?”
“Somewhat yes, but mostly no. She had known for so long but kept it to herself.”
“She was afraid?”
“We didn’t know, but something inside me knew? All the expectations we had laid on Ben… I didn’t realize until I walked passed Ben’s room one night just before that last Chanukah…. For him. Sitting on his bed, staring at his tenth grade school picture.. He had been crying, and I stepped up to his door, but kept quiet. He didn’t notice me at first.
“’Look? A son?’ Such an odd thing to say. Of course he was a son…or so we thought. Repeating his names over and over until he fell into his pillow and started to sob. I was going to walk right up and confront him. Mothers have to fix things, you know?” Debbie nodded. The as-yet-to-emerge mother in her wanted to fix things for Miriam. Naomi nodded and continued.
“I walked up to the bed and sat down, and just held him while he cried. “I love you, sweet child’ was all I could manage before I covered him and kissed his cheek.” Naomi gasped as if it were still happening.
“I remembered that old book he loved when he was little, and I just said, ‘as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.’”
“I’ll love you forever?” Judy realized she had begun to cry,
“Yes. He lifted his head and frowned even as his tears fell on my hand.. “Oh, mommy?” Seventeen and calling me Mommy. I didn’t know what to do and all I could do was hold him. Danken Gott for Zaydeh Jacob. So fitting in a way with your Jakey, yes?”
“He…he hates that name, Mom. But…”
“Ben never hated his name…it just made him sad. Anyway, he went to help Zaydeh Jacob move and the rest, as they don’t say, is herstory.”
“Miriam is so afraid, Mom. Like she is almost ready to call it quits.” Debbie shook her head.
“Still hasn’t told her parents? Oh, Judy? She’s got to be frightened if she doesn’t know how they’ll react. But she’s too afraid. Like your sister Rachel before she went to the doctor. Benign is a very good answer once you ask the doctor the question. But such a fearful question? Even Benny could not ask. It took Zaydeh Jacob’s letter from Elte Bobe Esther. Maybe all you can do is let Jakey know you love…. him, no matter what comes.
“But….It’s not what I love, but who. I love Jakey because that’s who Miriam has been, Mom.
“I know, sweetie. Maybe you have to help Jakey know how much you like him even as you help Miriam know you love all of her. Your brother was ashamed to be himself, because he didn’t realize that he was so much a part of who Debbie finally became. Let them them know."
Dos Libe Zigt Oiber Alts (Love Conquers All)
Judy's apartment, Lincolndale, New York, a few days later...
"You do know that I like every bit of you?" Judy handed Miriam a glass of Melbec and sat down next to her. Miriam sidled away, but her progress was hindered by the armrest of the lover seat; as ironic a moment as they might ever experience.
"I...I know, but...."
"But what? Jakey doesn't have to die, honey. Jakey will always be a part of you." It was almost visually confusing. Miriam had at least for the day abandoned her female self and sat there resplendent in a New York Jets sweatshirt and dark green sweatpants; her reasonably long hair crammed into a Jets wool cap.
"I..."
"Listen to yourself? You can't come up with any argument that doesn't smash head-on into who you are. You have been a boy so long in everyone's idea of what you are that you can't see yourself as who
you've always been. Listen!" Judy grabbed Miriam's chin and pulled it around, and none too gently.
"I love you, Miriam Esther Rosenblum. Every bit. But if you never lived another moment as Miriam, I'd still love Jakey." She shook her head no, as in no I'm not going anywhere. Jakey seemed to emerge; albeit almost reluctantly, as Miriam had almost hoped for a stronger rebuttal. It was coming, but not as Jakey or Miriam had imagined.
"BUT!" Judy was so angry at herself and Miriam at that point that she nearly threw her empty wine glass across the room into the faux fireplace.
"YOU don't love Jacob." She eyed her hopefully soon-to-be fiancée up and down. Male mufti could hardly disguise what and whom Jacob Simon Rosenblum had not only become, but had been all along.
"You have to treasure this part of you..." She paused and Miriam breathed out; an ostensible sigh of relief until Judy shook her head; this time 'no' and more emphatically.
"My second two favorite sportscasters on the radio these days hardly get any air time. Laurie Rosen and Erica Herzkowitz, and not just because they're girls andJewish. They're great at what they do. Hell, Mir...you're great at what you do. Not just Jakey. ALL of you."
"But what if I can't keep my job?" Miriam sighed; her insecurities were entirely valid, but paled in comparison with the supreme trust Judy had in her.
"We cross that stupid old bridge when we come to it. But Jacob doesn't want to live one more day, does he? Do you really think...." Judy stifled a sob,
"I will love you...all of you...until the day I die but it would be a whole lot easier for both of us if Jake loved Miriam enough to let go. You can always be my husband, dammit, but you'll never be happy until you're my wife? Will you be my hopefully newest shining female star in the Tri-State sports universe? I'll wait"
"I...why do you put up with me?" Miriam lapsed into doubt, belying all of the confidence her male self usually displayed.
"Because I love you. Period. No matter what you do, I'll always love you. Miriam Esther Rosenblum! All of you, but I guess mostly my favorite Jewish lesbian lover of all time." Judy giggled, and soon the two were hugging and kissing. Perhaps as defining a moment in both of their lives, as they became brides before the fact, so to speak.
Miriam's apartment, Stony Point, New York, a few days later….
“I’m …afraid to tell Mommy and Daddy,” Miriam said with a shrug. Judy leaned in; almost like a kitten bonking her head as she drew close to her girlfriend. If anyone would understand, it would be Judy's family but that didn’t solve the problem of how to tell Miriam’s parents about their relationship. And that was only the beginning.
“I can’t even face them.” Miriam bit her lip and looked away. What should have been a joyous occasion for so many reasons became almost a burden as the girl shook her head in defeat.
“I guess I should just be who they expect me to be.” That she had abandoned medicine to study psychology was only a small step sideways in her parent’s longing for another doctor in the family. Changing to Sports Journalism seemed to evoke little response from both parents; almost a shrug of sorts. But that was just the beginning of what would likely be a slew of disappointments.
“You have to be who you are, Mir….” Judy squeezed Miriam’s hands.
“You can’t be who or what you aren’t, honey. I know this is hard but I also know someone who can help.”
“Your sister?”
“She better than anyone would know exactly what you’re going through.”
“But your parents accepted her….almost immediately, right?”
“But the fear of not knowing was the same. If it hadn’t been for Zaydeh Jacob, I don’t know how things would have worked out. It’s not easy, but it has to be done, right?” Judy raised one eyebrow; not in question, but in the almost wry ‘I know this sounds impossible, but’ way of encouraging her girlfriend. Miriam laughed softly and smiled, blinking back some tears, even as she marveled at the irony of what Judy had just recalled.
“It’ll work out. Zaydeh had a saying….’It’s time, kinderlekh!’ I think it’s time, and with Deborah’s help, I think we can get through this.” Judy squeezed her hands once again and she pulled the girl close for a warm goodnight kiss.
Hilf Fun a Fraynd (Help from a Friend)
The office of Deborah Blumenfeld, PsyD….a few days later…
“I want you to read this, okay, Miriam?” Deborah sat across from her sister and Miriam; her posture that of a loving family member rather than a therapist. Miriam needed something much more personal than an example of facing her fears; she needed to meet someone who faced the same fears. Miriam took the paper from Deborah’s hands. It was yellowed with age and had been taped over worn out folds. Parts of the paper were darker; tear stains that spanned decades and lifetimes. She read down the page.
“Somehow Uncle Herschel was able to sneak me out…it was almost a whirlwind running through attics and then on rooftops and somehow out of the city. But as I ran away I was shot. The Walesa family…they found me and nursed me to health.
Miriam looked up at Deborah and then to Judy. The two nodded. Miriam had already heard the story of Esther; Elte Bobe (great grandmother) and how life had changed dramatically in one instant. She shrugged her shoulders. Reading down she gasped.
Don’t be scared, little one. I am the same Aaron Blumenfeld who knew you then, no matter who or what you may be now. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we parted those many years ago.” He told me as he held my hand. I wasn’t the same child he knew, but it didn’t matter.
A good man who knew and yet accepted Esther; a woman just like Deborah and maybe exactly like Miriam. In a moment her tears mingled with the stains on the old piece of paper. Even though it was fragile, it still was almost like it was destined to cradle the heartbreaks and dreams that spoke through her tears.
“Daddy is a good man.” She said with a gasp; if anyone would understand it would be her father. A man of character and a man of faith, but a loving caring father with a heart for his youngest child? And her mother was a woman who loved all of her children. She shuddered, though, as old doubts and new feelings of shame and confusion pulled at her like the undertow of a treacherous wave. Judy grabbed her hand once again; almost a rote gesture, it would seem, but a necessary show of belief and faith that Miriam needed, not just to hear, but to feel.
“I can come along if you like?” Deborah said with a gentle smile.
“I think if I need you, I can call you, but I think maybe it would be better for them if the meeting was smaller?” She looked down at herself as tears began to flow. It wasn’t anything they couldn’t handle, and the knowledge of that strength brought a new-found courage and much needed relief. Judy hugged her and kissed her cheek; the salt of Miriam’s tears refreshed them both as she kissed Miriam.
Peekskill, New York…
“Daddy? I have a friend I want you to meet, okay?” Miriam wanted to set the cell phone down; the thought of being pushed away intruded into what was otherwise a harmless question. The answers she needed would come face to face, and perhaps even before a word was spoken.
“Tonight? It’s the first night…. Oh Daniel and Faye and Barbra are going to be there…of course. You want me to bring my friend?” The thought of introducing Judy to the family….her sister and brother and sister-in-law as well?
“Okay….Daddy?” She paused; the crying would come later, but the tears had already begun to bolster her courage in a way.
“I love you.”
Libe Halt Keyn Sikrits (Love...)
Peekskill , that evening…
“Hello? May I help you?” Jonathan Rosenblum stood at the doorway, puzzled. Judy smiled and offered her hand.
“Hello? Mr. Rosenblum? I’m Judith…Judy Bielecki.”
“Ah….I was expecting you.”
“Jonathan? Has the prodigal arrived?” His wife Rina called from the kitchen.
“I don’t know, my dear…. There’s a Miss…Bie….”
“Bielecki…Judy Bielecki…. You were expecting me?”
“Ah…the friend who came for dinner,” he laughed softly.
"The first to arrive," he said as his eyes almost twinkled. A father’s eyes. A moment later Rina stood next to her husband, rubbing his arm gently and smiling at Judy.
“Well….And where is my youngest child?” She looked at Judy and Judy nodded before looking over her shoulder. The young lady stepped out from the side of the doorway. She wore a long knit charcoal sweater coat. Her head was covered in a dark green mitpachat that draped down over her neck and shoulders. A pretty girl with a very sad, if hopeful look on her face.
“Jacob?” Jonathan peered at his youngest child. He went to step closer, but stopped.
“I’m sorry, Daddy. I’m so sorry.” Miriam began to cry. Judy stepped back and sideways, grasping Miriam’s right hand. Rina looked at her and back at her husband. He blinked back a few tears and laughed softly.
“So you didn’t bring anything for dinner. No matter; there’s plenty.” Miriam’s eyes widened in amazement and then narrowed in question. Rina smiled before stepping closer. She pulled Miriam into a big hug, whispering in her ear.
“You think all this time you were fooling your mother, mein tokhter?” Rina kissed Miriam on the cheek and looked over at Judy.
“And this is your friend? More than a friend, I’d say, and look at that ring!” Rina’s comment drew attention to Judy’s hand, which was graced with a pretty engagement ring. Judy held it out for Rina’s inspection; a smile and a nod indicating approval. Judy’s eyes glanced at Miriam’s hand, which also was graced with a ring; similar but in gold whereas Judy’s ring was silver.
“Yes…more than a friend.” Jonathan said, pulling his youngest child in for a long-needed hug for them both.
“I love you more than my own life, mein tockter,” he said before he began to weep on Miriam’s shoulder; those two words which gave their relationship a new meaning with depth and courage and hope that Miriam had never yet enjoyed.
“And you!” He glared at Judy before breaking into a broad if tearful smile.
“Welcome to the family.”
Sometime later, Aaron and Naomi Bielecki stood with Jonathan and Rina Rosenblum and their families as witnesses to the wedding of their daughters, Judith Fay Bielecki and Miriam Esther Rosenblum.
A week where we celebrate the Festival of Lights, I recall the following, written by Emma Lazaurus,
Ablaze on evening's forehead o'er the earth,
And add each night a lustre till afar
An eightfold splendor shine above thy hearth.
But even more so, for the gratefulness of life lived as we are and who we have always been, like Miriam perhaps might recall, I also remember the poet’s more famous work…
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!
Chag Chanukah sameach!
I'll Love You Forever
Written by Robert Munsch
Illustrated by Sheila McGraw
Comments
Happy Endings
I love 'em.
=)))
I've been waiting for book 2 and I am NOT disappointed. And I love the last photo!!! Thank you Drea...!!!
Anudda...
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrat