Who's Sorry Now?

Printer-friendly version

Author: 

Audience Rating: 

Publication: 

Genre: 

Character Age: 

Other Keywords: 

Permission: 

For the first time on DVD...the stylings of Roland and DiMaggio, that beloved comedy team. You may remember them from such movies as "Roland and DiMaggio go to the Specialist," "I've Been a BAAAAAD Trans-girl," "The Kid from Bayonne," and their smash hit, "Road to Thailand." Here is an exerpt of their classic routine, first presented in the movie, "The Girls with Something Extra."


Who's Got the Teddie!

Kristine: Well Drea, I’m going to the chat room today with you. You know, Erin, the Chief Honcha and administrator of Big Closet, gave me a job of keeping track of all the chat room visitors.

Drea: Look Kristy, if you’re in charge, you must know all the chatters?

Kristine: Right, certainly do.

Drea: Well, I never met them, and you know how I am at remembering things, so you’ll have to tell me their names, and then I’ll know, you know?

Kristine: Oh, I’ll tell you their names, but you know strange as it may seem, they give these chatters now a days very peculiar names.

Drea: You mean funny names?

Kristine: Strange names, pet names. Like Ananga_Ranga, and…

Drea: Her sister Ottery?

Kristine: OtteryLexa.

Drea: And their Italian cousin.

Kristine: Adorable?

Drea: Seraphina?

Kristine: Seraphina? No, sweetie, Seprhrina! Well let’s see, we have each one according to their attire. For example, we have Who, What, and Why?

Drea: That’s what I want to find out.

Kristine: I say, Who’s wearing lingerie, What’s wearing a business suit, why’s a ball gown.

Drea: And you don’t know their names?

Kristine: Well I should.

Drea: Well then who’s wearing a teddie?

Kristine: Yes.

Drea: I mean her name.

Kristine: Who.

Drea: The girl wearing a teddie.

Kristine: Who.

Drea: The one with the lingerie.

Kristine: Who!

Drea: The girl with the teddie.

Kristine: Who is wearing the teddie?

Drea: I’m asking you who’s wearing the teddie?

Kristine: That’s her name.

Drea: That’s whose name?

Kristine: Yeah.

Drea: Well go ahead and tell me.

Kristine: That’s it.

Drea: That’s who?

Kristine: Yeah.

(Pause)

Drea: Look, you got a girl wearing lingerie?

Kristine: Certainly.

Drea: Who’s wearing lingerie?

Kristine: That’s right.

Drea: When you sign on, who’s waiting to talk about her lingerie?

Kristine: Yes…silk…cobalt blue.

Drea: All I’m trying to find out is the girl’s name wearing the teddie.

Kristine: Who.

Drea: The girl wearing the teddie.

Kristine: That’s it.

Drea: Who gets to wear the nice lingerie?

Kristine: She does, every day! Sometimes she lets her friends see it.

Drea: Whose friends?

Kristine: Yes. (Pause) What’s wrong with that?

Drea: Look, all I want to know is when you sign on, the girl wearing the teddie; how does she sign her name?

Kristine: Who.

Drea: The girl.

Kristine: Yes.

(Pause)

Drea: All I’m trying to find out is what’s the girl’s name wearing the teddie.

Kristine: No, what’s wearing the suit.

Drea: I’m not asking who’s wearing the suit.

Kristine: Who is wearing the teddie.

Drea: One garment at a time!

Kristine: Well don’t change the chatters around!

Drea: I’m not changing anybody!

Kristine: Take it easy, honey. Are you sure your meds are working?

Drea: All I’m asking you, who’s the girl wearing the teddie?!

Kristine: That’s right.

Drea: What’s the girl wearing the teddie?!

Kristine: No, What is wearing the business suit!

Drea: I’m not asking you who’s wearing a suit!

Kristine: Who’s wearing the teddie.

Drea: I don’t know.

Kristine: Oh, she’s wearing spandex…very pretty…super heroine. We’re not talking about her. Now let’s get back to the teddie.

Drea: Now how did we wind up in spandex?

Kristine: Well you mentioned her name.

Drea: If I mentioned the super-girl’s name, who did I say is wearing spandex?

Kristine: No, Who’s wearing a teddie.

Drea: What’s the girl’s name wearing a teddie?

Kristine: What’s the girl’s name wearing a business suit.

Drea: I don’t know.

Kristine: She’s wearing spandex.

Drea: There I go, back to spandex again! Will you stay with spandex and not take it off?

Kristine: I don’t wear spandex.

Drea: Now who’s wearing spandex?!

Kristine: Why do you insist on putting Who in spandex?

Drea: What am I putting in spandex?!

Kristine: No, What is wearing a business suit, lovely…Silk brocade, very professional, rust with a gold satin blouse.

Drea: You don’t want who in a business suit?!

Kristine: No, Who is wearing a teddie.

Drea: I don’t know!

Both: Spandex!

(Pause)

Drea: Look, you got other girls in the chat room?

Kristine: Sure.

Drea: Give me a name?

Kristine: Why.

Drea: I just thought I’d ask you.

Kristine: Well I just thought I’d tell you.

Drea: Then tell me who is the next girl in the chat room.

Kristine: Who is wearing a teddie.

Drea: I’m not… I want to know, what’s the next girl in the chat room?

Kristine: No, What is wearing a business suit.

Drea: I’m not asking who’s wearing a business suit.

Kristine: No, Who is wearing a teddie.

Drea: I don’t know.

Both: Spandex!

(Pause)

Drea: And the next girl?

Kristine: Why!

Drea: Because.

Kristine: No, she wears the ball gown.

Drea: Che cosa e…

Kristine: Well that’s her name.

Drea: Look, look, look, do you have anyone wearing a miniskirt?

Kristine: Sure.

Drea: Her name?

Kristine: Tomorrow.

Drea: You don’t want to tell me today?

Kristine: I’m telling you.

Drea: Well go ahead.

Kristine: Tomorrow.

Drea: What time?

Kristine: What time what?

Drea: At what time tomorrow are you going to tell me who’s wearing a miniskirt?

Kristine: Now listen, Who is not wearing a miniskirt. Who is wearing…

Drea: I’ll burst into tears if you say who’s wearing a teddie! I want to know, what’s the name of the girl wearing the miniskirt?

Kristine: What’s wearing a business suit.

Drea: I don’t know!

Both: Spandex!

(Pause)

Drea: Got anyone wearing slacks?

Kristine: Certainly.

Drea: The girl wearing slacks.

Kristine: Today.

Drea: Today? And tomorrow’s wearing a miniskirt?

Kristine: Now you’ve got it.

Drea: All we got is a couple of names. You know, I wear slacks too sometimes.

Kristine: So they tell me.

Drea: I wear slacks and then tomorrow sometimes will wear a miniskirt?

Kristine: Now that’s the first thing that you’ve said right.

Drea: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

(Pause)

Drea: Look, if I want to give someone a teddie for their birthday, somebody’s got to get it. Now who gets it?

Kristine: Naturally.

Drea: Who?

Kristine: Naturally.

Drea: Naturally?

Kristine: Naturally.

Drea: So I deliver the teddie to Naturally?

Kristine: No you don’t! You deliver the teddie to Who!

Drea: Naturally.

Kristine: That’s different.

Drea: That’s what I said.

Kristine: You’re not saying that.

Drea: I deliver the teddie to Naturally?

Kristine: You deliver it to Who.

Drea: Naturally.

Kristine: That’s it.

Drea: That’s what I said!

Kristine: Listen, you asked me.

Drea: I deliver the teddie to who?

Kristine: Naturally.

Drea: Now you ask me.

Kristine: You deliver the teddie to Who?

Drea: Naturally.

Kristine: That’s it.

Drea: Same as you!

Kristine: You just changed them around.

Drea: Same as you! I deliver the teddie to who. Whoever it is drops the package, the girl looks for a girl in a business suit, she picks up the package, delivers it to what, what delivers it to I don’t know, I don’t know delivers it to tomorrow, TADA!

Kristine: Yes.

Drea: Another girl finds the package gets up, and delivers it to because. Why? I don’t know, she’s wearing a miniskirt! Non possa dare uno mandare al diavolo!

Kristine: Oh…you said?

Drea: I said, I don’t give a damn!

Kristine: Oh, that’s Pippa…it’s really all about her anyway!

Drea: (Che cosa e…..&^$*_%**#)

With a tip of the hat to Fiona Who, Bobbie What, Melanie Why, JenniBrock I Don’t Know, Breanna Tomorrow, Breebot Electronically, Jesse Absolutely, Lexa Certainly, Sephy Most Definitely, Laika Positively, Ananga_Ranga Assuredly, Abenderx Naturally, Jenny Adorably, Yuki Without a Doubt, Lori Indubitably, Jessica Importantly, Jenny Most Definitely, Nobody IN PARTICULAR, Pippa Damnably, and everyone who enjoys chatting.

A Dusty Closet Production. Australian version available through Alison Productions Ltd. Distributed by Barbarella Trading Far East



If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos!
Click the Thumbs Up! button below to leave the author a kudos:
up
28 users have voted.

And please, remember to comment, too! Thanks. 
This story is 1457 words long.