Previously…

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” Danny nodded. Carlo walked over to Lina and Susan, quickly followed by his brother. They hugged the pair and stepped away as Lina walked Susan down the hall to her bedroom.

A moment later Susan had shed her skirt and blouse and shoes and was lying under the covers; her head practically buried in her pillow. Lina lay on top of the blanket, still hugging the girl as she sobbed. It would have been better if Jerry hadn’t reached out tentatively; it almost felt as if he had intended all along to make a show while planning to withdraw. Like being rejected twice, the rejection was made stronger by his choice to speak her name only to dismiss her. Lina spoke silently in prayer as she held her niece. Soon both were asleep; safe and warm in the knowledge of love that still remained hopeful in the shattered family.

In the sweet light
Of the valley,
When the sun falls
Upon the pine,
I shall lay down
All of my troubles,
And I lift up,
This heart of mine.

Nomahegan Park, Cranford, New Jersey, a few days later…

A solitary figure sat on the bench in front of the large pond. Several ducks and one very fat goose sidled over to the man and looked up with expectation. A moment later tufts of soft bread lay scattered amidst them for a fleeting moment before they devoured the food with satisfied quacks and a fairly loud honk. The man smiled and spoke.

“Eat, drink, and be merry, kids.” He withheld the last phrase; the happy fowl needed no reminder of their own mortality even as he contemplated his own. He bowed his head in prayer, only to be interrupted by a familiar if somewhat peeved voice.

“This better be good, Jer. You can’t even know how angry I am right now.” Lina sat down next to her brother-in-law; a reluctant if accommodating pose as she leaned closer in rapt attention.

“It’s not good at all, Lina. I’m sorry to disappoint you.” He bowed his head once again as tears dripped off his chin onto the grass below. She stared at him and her eyes widened in realization as he raised his head enough to reveal a very tired countenance. The words came to her even as he put his hand on her wrist…’oh no.’

Calabria Pizza, Cranford, New Jersey…

“I don’t know what do,” Susan said to herself as much to Noorah. They sat across from each other in a booth; divided by Formica and particle board and years of fear and confusion and so many other things. But like the table between them, the differences were man-made and temporary. And the commonalities were much more than for what they could have hoped; and the one that could have divided them served to unite them.

”We don’t know yet what to do, but what we do know? I think….I feel fine.” Noorah pointed to herself with her palm facing inward, patting her heart.”

“I…I feel fine, too,” Susan said with a half-smile; a life-time filled with wonder and awe seemed almost shoved rudely aside by the past few years of neglect and hurt. Still, she remained hopeful. Her brothers loved her and her aunt loved her. And what about the woman before her? She felt almost in awe over the attention the woman’s eyes seemed to pay to every motion and expression she displayed.

“What?”

“You’re such a wonderful girl, Susan. I wish you appreciated that.” Noorah reached across the table and patted Susan’s hand, prompting the girl to pull back awkwardly. She stared at her hand as if she had been touched by something other than the bright-faced woman who sat before her.

“I know it’s hard to see. You’ve been told …maybe not in so many words…but you’ve been told you’re not real…that you’re no good…bad, in fact.” It might have been easy for Noorah to say that since her parents never once stopped loving her during her journey…a journey of faith in fact that was made clear and serene by that love. But she had traveled down the same road…perhaps on parallel paths…as Susan, but earlier and with much more clarity of purpose, since she never once was given reason to doubt her own faith and her gender.

“I know I’m real, and I’m just like you.” But for their difference in beliefs, they were alike in so many ways, even to the point of knowing as young children that they were much different inside than out. Both wanting so much to be exactly like the mothers who bore them and nurtured them. Their paths diverged as one father welcomed his new daughter even as the other father rejected the daughter while trying so desperately to love a boy who never existed. But one need not undergo hardship and hurt to embrace and value the hardship and hurt of others.

“I don’t know what to do, either…. But I feel good about what to do, if that makes sense?” Noorah patted the girl’s hand again. More than just a fellow traveler further down the road, the woman’s eyes indicate something so much more. While Susan may have been innocently…even absent-mindedly flirting with the woman, Noorah was serious and resolute; that knowing inside without really understanding….accepting on face-value, so to speak.

“I’m beginning to understand what they say about love at first sight.” Noorah smiled and Susan shrugged uncomfortably. It made no sense, since they had known each other for some time, even if it had been mostly casual and crowded with other friends and classmates. Noorah noticed the almost imperceptible half-smile on Susan’s face.

“What I mean is that I never really saw you before. I saw a person whom I understood only a bit and with no real desire to get to know better. You being from a different world, you know?” She pointed to her hijab and smiled.

“But we’re from the same exact world in which we all live. I know your faith means so much to you; you’ve said so in such a kind manner. There’s a calm assurance that you show that hardly ever comes out at any other time.” She spoke with a lilt in her voice as her gaze lifted upward to her hijab once again; a reminder that they both were comfortable in their own skin when it came to faith, so to speak.

“You are a very special woman,” Noorah continued. Susan shook her head and turned away; her gesture did nothing to hide the fact that Noorah’s words had brought her to unfamiliar if thankful tears.

“I don’t know why Allah does what he does; I do not pretend to know his will other than what he has revealed. But I know he has brought us together for a reason that is good, since it is his will. And it matters not that I do not understand for that reason and for one very other important reason; I am falling in love with you.” She smiled and it was too much to bear as Susan turned her face to the wall and began to cry softly. Another tap on the hand followed by,

“You should drink, Susan.” The girl turned to find their waitress holding two glasses of soda. She tried with only a bit of success in keeping her embarrassment in check. The waitress placed the glasses on the table and nodded with a smile to Noorah.

“I’ll be back with your order in a few, kay?” The girl said, quickly followed by the sound of bubble gum snapping sharply as she turned and walked back into the kitchen. Susan grabbed the soda and downed several nervous gulps.

“I’m not going to run away, Susan,” the woman assured her. And it really felt like that; a wiser, more mature woman welcoming the younger woman into herself in a way. Assurance gently brushing aside doubt and fear as she opened her heart to Susan; giving Susan every reason in the world to open her own heart.

“I….I didn’t mean to be so silly.” It was all she knew to say. Recalling the playful if tentative gestures of only days before; the moment of realization that she didn’t merely want to be serious, but that realization of what that seriousness meant to both of them. The girl who flirted by blowing innocent kisses in departing was becoming a young woman who longed for kisses…those same feelings that seemed to permeate every dream in sleep and even every day-dream while awake. While the young woman might still be desperate for the love of a father, it was that calm, perfectly ordinary want….no…that need for romance that nudged her closer, even if only in her heart.

Noorah made up the physical distance by pulling on Susan’s hand. The girl’s body leaned forward in eager obedience as Noorah offered her lips to Susan’s cheek. It would be the only show of affection in public for some time; a rare if needful expression of love that brought clarity of mind together with those assured feelings to blend into a nice mixture of confident love. Susan blushed deeply and began to cry once again. Noorah squeezed her hand; the gesture giving her the strength to regain composure at least for the moment. Time enough to cry together in calm acceptance when they would be alone; and there would be time to be alone as well.

“Errr….emmmm…” A voice seemed to come from above, but it was only their waitress, holding their food. She placed it on the table and smiled.

“Let me know if you need anything else, kay?” She used her head to gesture toward the kitchen door. Susan looked up and then back at Noorah before answering.

“Kay…”

Take me home, Lord,
Oh take me home.
O'er the hillside,
And o'er the sea,
In the sweet light
To the soft grass of the valley,
Where your grace
Shall set me free.

Meanwhile at Nomahegan Park…

“Now I understand why you left….why you couldn’t face her.” Lina rubbed Jerry’s arm. He pulled away from her abruptly and frowned, but his disappointment wasn’t directed toward her.

“No, no! I couldn’t face her because I’m a coward. After all this time and I just couldn’t look her in the eye without feeling bad about myself. How selfish is that?” He shook his head and blew out a long breath. She went to grab his hand and he pulled away once again.

“You don’t understand, Lina. I didn’t even know until yesterday. When I left it was because I still don’t understand and still don’t care enough to try.”

“That’s nonsense, Jer, and you know it. You left the church because they wouldn’t even bother to see Susan’s side.”

“Because they were not being fair to me as a parent. It was all about me, Lina. Me…the selfish bastard who didn’t care enough to at least listen to her…Funny…I’m just getting used to using the right pronouns; sorta sad, don’t you think?”

“I don’t care, Jerry. You have a chance to make this right for her and you and the boys. You can still be a family,” Lina sighed and choked up at the last word.

“All the time in the world, Lina. That’s what Louise used to say to me…even after she got sick.” Lina’s eyes teared up at the mention of her sister.

“I never realized what she meant until now. That time didn’t hurt us since she’s still here, you know?” He patted his heart and Lina nodded.

“I’ve been such a fool…a selfish bastard.” He looked at her, almost waiting for her to give him absolution. She nodded her head instead and half-smiled.

“Well, you know what they say? God loves you just the way you are. But he loves you too much to let you stay that way?” Jerry nodded at the humor, but the conviction of the words was too much or perhaps just enough as he dissolved into shame-filled tears. She resisted the urge to comfort him; the last thing he needed was an endorsement of his poor choices and selfishness. She patted him on the back instead and looked upward. It really was true, she thought. We have all the time in the world.

Through the shadow
Of the darkness,
Through the storms that
Lead me astray
I shall travel
Forever knowing
In your light,
I will always stay.

Later that night…

“You have listened to your fears, child. Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them….”

It began to rain; softly at first, but then in large droplets that fell almost soundlessly next to the thunder that roared from above, if it really was thunder. She shuddered at the sound and was almost taken aback by the flashing light until she gazed once again into the woman’s eyes. Peace and joy replaced fear in that moment as she knew everything would finally be righted and everything would be alright….

Through the shadow
Of the darkness,
Through the storms that
Lead me astray
I shall travel
Forever knowing
In your light,
I will always stay.

To be concluded…

Take Me Home
Words and music by
Lisbeth Scott and Nathan Barr
As performed by
Lisbeth Scott
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFV9W8cWqbE