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Amanda's Wish   Aren’t these the same arms that carried him? Aren’t these the same eyes that saw her play… the same ears that heard them sing? I wish they’d change their minds

The McDougal home, Henrietta, Neew York...

“No, Mom…I’m not going….” Sid sat down on the couch and folded his arms.

“You know how much this means to her… It would be a nice gesture.” Julia looked at her son and half-smiled. It had been a very difficult four years for the family.

“Nice? How about he offers a nice gesture; like bringing back my Dad….” Sid shook his head. He seemed the most affected by Dan’s decision. Of course it affected the whole family, but Sid took his father’s choice personally; not that it really was much of a choice, and certainly it wasn’t meant to hurt anyone.

“I mean, Mom…come on…do you still even love him?” Sid stood up and walked to the mantel, where the family photos were displayed. He picked up their wedding photo and held it toward her with his right hand.

“Yes, Sid…I do…I took a vow.” She sighed as he continued to brandish the picture, almost like a DA confronting a hostile witness.

“Admit it, Mom…yeah…I know you took a vow. ‘In sickness and in health.’ Well, what he did was sick alright…I hate that he hurt you that way.” He paused as tears began to well up.

“Why even keep this…it’s like a fucking wake…all the pretty pictures of his wonderful life. “ He held the picture close to the fireplace, almost threatening to cast it into the flame. Julia stepped forward and held her arms out.”

“No…don’t!” He shook his head and a sad frown crossed his face.

“I’m…I’m sorry, Mom…but it’s like he died…like someone just came along and killed my father, and it hurts…more than I can remember anything hurting.

“Sid…please…he’s….not dead. You have to remember that….no matter what you think, he never stopped loving you…you still have two parents….don’t push away what you already have. Please, Sid.

“I can’t, Mom….it just hurts too much. Maybe you can deal with a wife instead of a husband, but I can’t deal with losing my dad…I just can’t.” Julia stepped closer and hugged him. He leaned on her shoulder and wept.

“I know, honey…I miss him, too.”

Sophia McDougal's apartment...

“I don’t understand, Daddy….no…I don’t…no…I can’t…Daddy?” Sophia stood in the middle of her living room after nearly five minutes of pacing. She finally decided to make the call, but already regretted her decision.

“I know you love me….it’s just…I can’t bear to be near you….it’s too much of a reminder…yes…I still love you…I always will, but that’s just it…I don’t love…her….I don’t know….I just don’t.” She stepped over to her bookshelf and picked up the picture nestled between her bronzed baby booties and a photo of the family taken before everything changed.

“Yes….I have it…yes, Daddy…I know…the eyes are the windows to the soul.” She focused on their expressions.

“You were proud of me….yes…I played for you…yes…I can’t play for her…I just can’t…that was something special between you and me….no…I know, Daddy, but everything is different…Daddy…please…don’t make me choose….I can’t…” She began to tear up: her face was almost twisted in pain.

“Yes….the other picture. What? Yes…of course…what? Your face? Yes…oh Daddy..I never…what? Yes…I can see that…Yes…I guess it did hurt….Was she….even then? Really…How did…I don’t understand?” Sophia stared at the other photo on the shelf. The two children, in their late teens when it was taken, looked very happy. Her mother smiled, but there was almost an underlying sadness…And she noticed for the first time that her father was smiling at them…his face looking at her and Sid. And her mother’s hand was gripping his, like she was concerned.

“Daddy…No…I don’t know. Listen…I’ve got to go…Yes…I’ll call you next week.” She went to hit the ‘end’ button on the cell, but put the phone to her ear one last time.

“Daddy? Daddy?” Her voice was urgent and worried, but she finally said calmly,

“Daddy? I love you.”

Rush Public Library, Rush, New York

“I’m sorry, Amanda, but I don’t see them…” Julia walked over to her best friend and grabbed both of her hands.

“You did what you needed to do…I know it was hard, but we all knew, even if we didn’t want to know, honey.” She shook her head as the woman’s eyes began to flood.

“Now, honey…that won’t do…you’ll get your strings soggy.” Julia laughed softly and Amanda joined her, but only briefly before she faced toward the door.

“Aren’t these the same arms that carried him? Aren’t these the same eyes that saw her play…the same ears that heard them sing? I wish they’d change their minds.”

“Honey…Admit it…you had years to get ready for this, even if it hurt like hell along the way…remember, I lost something, too.” Julia half-frowned, but noticed the look of defeat on Amanda’s face.

“But I gained so much more…a best friend who I knew I could still count on…and know that she’d still be around.” Julia choked back a sob, remembering Amanda’s bout with depression.

“And at the end of the day, I still am deeply and madly in love with you, no matter who gets to use the bathroom first.” She laughed softly, but her eyes were filling with tears that surpassed that of Amanda’s.

“They’ll come around…I’m sure of it…just don’t expect things to change quickly. As Kris told you the other day in your session, grief is unpredictable when it comes to time…there’s no expiration date on it, you know? They suffered a loss, whether or not we wanted to admit it, and they both will deal with it; each in their own way and each in their own time.”

She kissed Amanda on the cheek, tasting her tears, which had streaked her blush. She reached over on the desk and pulled out a makeup kit from her purse. After a few minutes, both faces were ‘repaired’ and ready for the evening.

A knock came at the door. Julia walked over and opened it. The woman smiled at Julia and looked over at Amanda, simply saying, it’s time.

Amanda took a deep breath and walked to the door. Julia kissed her on the cheek once again and the two walked into the library.

“Ms. McDougal is a local artist who has been away for a few years. You’ve read her biography. She played for The Rochester Philharmonic for years, but just as life changes for all of us, it changed for her. Daniel McDougal became Amanda McDougal, and she is happy to be here, as we are happy to have her, after her absence. You remember her talent and her devotion to music. Please remember her now as our friend and our neighbor as well. Amanda?”

She didn’t speak; between ‘learning how-to’s’ and nervous embarrassment, she went straight to playing, sitting on a stool with her guitar in hand. Martin Page’s Mi Morena… a love song…but without lyric it would just be a nice song played by a superb but sad guitarist. She began with the intro, planning to fill in with jazz riffs to take the place of the words. A few bars into the song, she heard a familiar voice.

And so my love
From my window I can see
A beautiful vision
And when the music plays
Your body rises like a bird of grace

Mi morena
I saw you dancing in the rain
Holy water
Shining like a silver flame
Come like a ghost
I will watch you dance alone
Mi morena
You're the light within my soul

Sid’s voice came from to Amanda’s right….

And so my love
The way you're moving in your dress
To a nylon guitar
On wings of silk and lace
You lift upon the notes and slip away

Amanda took a deep breath, almost but not quite overwhelmed with emotion. Seconds later, she had to stop as a flute was added to the mix. Sophia walked closer and stood by the stool and nodded with a tearful smile as Amanda began to play and Sid started singing once again.

Mi morena
I saw you dancing in the rain
Holy water
Shining like a silver flame
Come like a ghost
I will watch you dance alone
Mi morena
You're the light within my soul

Mi morena
Hold your hands out to the night
Be my lover
I will fall into your eyes
Sweet fire of love
Fo you I'd steal the stars
`Cause I adore you
O my morena

Julia stood off to the side; barely containing herself. The librarian walked over and put her arm around her and hugged her tight.

“Nice to see them back together.” She didn’t know it, but it was more than just a musical reunion….

“Yes…it is.”

As they finished playing, Sophia hugged Amanda and kissed her on both cheeks; almost a sign of greeting.

“I still love you, Daddy, but Amanda? Welcome to the family.” She kissed her again and ran to Julia, who welcomed her daughter with open arms as Sophia began to weep.

“I’m so sorry, Mom….”

“It’s okay, honey…it’s okay.”

“Sid?” Amanda looked up at her son and sobbed. Sid reached over and put his hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. He answered the unasked question.

“I remember you carrying me to see Martin Page…my first concert…and the crowd was too big, so you put me on your shoulders so I could see….because I couldn’t, you know? I couldn’t see…Dad….but I prayed last night and it was like God put me on his shoulders….I’m so sorry….I’m not ready for this, but I am ready to be ready, and I do love you, okay?”

The librarian waited until the two had separated and turned to the audience.

“Ladies and Gentlemen…for the first time in several years, and apparently with a lot of tears and changes in between? I give you…The McDougals!

Next: Julie's Wish

Mi Morena
Words and music and
performance by
Martin Page
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhYASdXrsMs